1 00:00:02,129 --> 00:00:04,040 The bus is the single stupidest, fattest... 2 00:00:05,609 --> 00:00:08,169 ...slowest, most despised vehicle on the road, isn't it? 3 00:00:08,329 --> 00:00:10,559 Ever notice when you get behind a bus, people go: 4 00:00:10,729 --> 00:00:12,879 "What are you doing? Get away. Come on." 5 00:00:13,049 --> 00:00:15,438 The back of the bus, it's like an eclipse, isn't it? 6 00:00:15,609 --> 00:00:17,918 People are just like, "The sun. Where is the sun?" 7 00:00:18,089 --> 00:00:19,807 It's like this huge metal ass... 8 00:00:19,969 --> 00:00:23,598 ...just taking up the whole windshield of your car. 9 00:00:23,809 --> 00:00:27,882 When it pulls out, it even sounds like a fat uncle trying to get out of a sofa. 10 00:00:34,609 --> 00:00:36,918 - It's just not good. It's not good. - It's not good. 11 00:00:37,089 --> 00:00:40,445 I'm bored. She's boring, I'm boring. We're both boring. 12 00:00:40,609 --> 00:00:42,122 We go out to eat, read newspapers. 13 00:00:42,289 --> 00:00:44,849 - At breakfast, everybody reads. - No, lunch, we read. 14 00:00:45,009 --> 00:00:46,840 - Dinner, we read. - You read during lunch? 15 00:00:47,009 --> 00:00:48,727 - Yeah. - Oh, well. 16 00:00:48,889 --> 00:00:50,959 - Nothing to talk about. - What's there to talk about? 17 00:00:51,129 --> 00:00:53,040 At least we're talking about how there's nothing. 18 00:00:53,249 --> 00:00:56,764 - Talk with her about how there's nothing. - She knows there's nothing. 19 00:00:56,929 --> 00:00:58,840 - At least she'll be talking. - Oh, shut up. 20 00:00:59,009 --> 00:01:00,488 - Hey, look who's here. - Hey, Al. 21 00:01:00,649 --> 00:01:03,846 - Hey, Al. How's it going? - Deeply in love. 22 00:01:04,009 --> 00:01:05,920 We have so many things to talk about. 23 00:01:06,089 --> 00:01:09,320 Sometimes, we'll talk all night... 24 00:01:09,489 --> 00:01:11,241 ...till the sun comes up. 25 00:01:12,529 --> 00:01:15,362 - So how about you? - Oh, I'm seeing someone, yes. 26 00:01:15,529 --> 00:01:17,884 - You know her. Daphne Bauer. - Great girl. 27 00:01:18,049 --> 00:01:19,528 We have no need to speak. 28 00:01:19,689 --> 00:01:21,680 We communicate with deep, soulful looks. 29 00:01:21,849 --> 00:01:23,840 Like Dwight and Mamie Eisenhower. 30 00:01:24,369 --> 00:01:27,566 - Did you hear about Fulton? - Yeah. 31 00:01:27,729 --> 00:01:30,448 Yeah, I went by the hospital to see him a few days ago. 32 00:01:30,609 --> 00:01:32,247 Think he'd really like you to visit. 33 00:01:32,409 --> 00:01:33,922 - Me? - Yeah. 34 00:01:34,089 --> 00:01:36,284 - Said he could use a good laugh. - What about me? 35 00:01:36,449 --> 00:01:37,928 He didn't mention you. 36 00:01:38,889 --> 00:01:40,845 This is my stop. 37 00:01:41,009 --> 00:01:43,398 - See you. - Yeah, see you. 38 00:01:44,209 --> 00:01:45,767 "Deeply in love." 39 00:01:45,929 --> 00:01:48,204 You can't say something bad about relationships... 40 00:01:48,369 --> 00:01:50,087 ...you shouldn't say anything at all. 41 00:01:54,169 --> 00:01:56,000 I didn't know Fulton was in the hospital. 42 00:01:56,169 --> 00:01:57,488 "Could use a good laugh." 43 00:01:57,649 --> 00:01:59,241 You know what pressure that is? 44 00:01:59,409 --> 00:02:00,683 Come on, come with me. 45 00:02:00,849 --> 00:02:02,362 I'm not good in these situations. 46 00:02:02,529 --> 00:02:04,599 I- I can't hide my pity. 47 00:02:04,769 --> 00:02:06,760 I- I make them feel worse. 48 00:02:06,929 --> 00:02:08,647 - Oh, stop it. - Also, I'm afraid... 49 00:02:08,809 --> 00:02:12,404 ...that people in that state are finally gonna tell me what they really think. 50 00:02:12,569 --> 00:02:14,560 They got nothing to lose. What do they care? 51 00:02:14,729 --> 00:02:17,562 - So you're not gonna come? - No, but say hello for me. 52 00:02:17,889 --> 00:02:19,322 - Hey. - Hey. 53 00:02:19,489 --> 00:02:21,286 - Hey, Mick. - Hey, Jerry. 54 00:02:21,449 --> 00:02:23,201 - What's doing? - Nothing. You? 55 00:02:23,369 --> 00:02:25,280 Same old, same old. 56 00:02:25,449 --> 00:02:26,802 George, this is Mickey. 57 00:02:26,969 --> 00:02:29,563 - Hi. Nice to meet you. - Pleasure. 58 00:02:29,729 --> 00:02:32,197 - How's work going, you guys? - Let's not talk about it. 59 00:02:32,369 --> 00:02:34,405 - You got a job? - Yeah. Mickey hooked me up. 60 00:02:34,569 --> 00:02:37,003 We're stand-ins for the actors on Al My Children. 61 00:02:37,169 --> 00:02:39,160 Mickey's a stand-in for an 8-year-old kid... 62 00:02:39,329 --> 00:02:41,206 ...and I stand in for the kid's father. 63 00:02:41,369 --> 00:02:42,643 But I got a big problem. 64 00:02:42,809 --> 00:02:44,606 The kid I stand in for, he's growing. 65 00:02:44,769 --> 00:02:46,441 He was 4 feet last month. 66 00:02:46,609 --> 00:02:48,247 Now he's like 4'2"and a half. 67 00:02:48,409 --> 00:02:50,286 He shot up 2 and a half inches. 68 00:02:50,449 --> 00:02:53,759 I can do 4'2", 4'3"is a stretch. 69 00:02:53,929 --> 00:02:55,806 Any higher, I'm gonna be out on my ass... 70 00:02:55,969 --> 00:02:57,322 ...doing that paralegal crap. 71 00:02:57,729 --> 00:02:59,447 How do you stop a kid from growing? 72 00:02:59,609 --> 00:03:03,079 I told you, you should offer him some cigarettes. 73 00:03:04,329 --> 00:03:05,682 I offered him cigarettes... 74 00:03:05,849 --> 00:03:08,317 ...but his stupid mother's always hanging around. 75 00:03:08,489 --> 00:03:09,808 She won't let him have any. 76 00:03:09,969 --> 00:03:11,766 - What about lifts? - Out of the question. 77 00:03:11,969 --> 00:03:14,119 Can't you just switch with another midget? 78 00:03:16,809 --> 00:03:18,401 It's "little people." 79 00:03:18,569 --> 00:03:21,606 - You got that? - Easy, Mickey. Easy. 80 00:03:23,209 --> 00:03:24,483 Yeah. 81 00:03:24,649 --> 00:03:27,447 We gotta get back to the show. What are you guys doing? 82 00:03:27,609 --> 00:03:30,646 - Going to the hospital to visit Fulton. - Well, say hello for me. 83 00:03:33,329 --> 00:03:36,002 Now, look. We're gonna stop at the shoemaker right now. 84 00:03:36,169 --> 00:03:38,046 You gotta get some lifts for your shoes. 85 00:03:38,209 --> 00:03:41,599 Lifts? Kramer, you don't understand. This kind of thing is just not done. 86 00:03:41,769 --> 00:03:43,646 - You wanna keep your job? - Yeah, but- 87 00:03:43,809 --> 00:03:46,004 - No buts. - Kramer- 88 00:03:50,449 --> 00:03:51,802 Hey. 89 00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:54,241 Fulton! 90 00:03:54,409 --> 00:03:55,728 It's me. 91 00:03:55,889 --> 00:03:57,607 Hey, Jerry. Good to see you. 92 00:03:57,769 --> 00:03:59,600 - I could use a good laugh. - Who couldn't? 93 00:03:59,769 --> 00:04:03,603 - I haven't cracked a smile in months. - Oh, don't worry. You'll crack. 94 00:04:03,769 --> 00:04:05,407 Cracking's inevitable. 95 00:04:05,569 --> 00:04:07,480 First you crack, then you chuckle. 96 00:04:07,649 --> 00:04:10,322 That was the Russians' motto at the Siege of Leningrad: 97 00:04:10,489 --> 00:04:12,127 First you crack, then you chuckle. 98 00:04:14,129 --> 00:04:15,562 You know, because Leningrad... 99 00:04:15,729 --> 00:04:18,687 ...when the Nazis attacked, it wasn't a very happy time. 100 00:04:18,849 --> 00:04:20,601 Because of the war. 101 00:04:21,729 --> 00:04:23,003 Famine. 102 00:04:23,169 --> 00:04:25,478 Plus, it was cold. Very cold. 103 00:04:26,409 --> 00:04:28,161 They were eating each other. 104 00:04:29,769 --> 00:04:31,600 Maybe this isn't a good time for a visit. 105 00:04:31,809 --> 00:04:33,208 No, it's a fine time. 106 00:04:35,049 --> 00:04:38,678 All right. There's a priest, a minister and a rabbi, and they're all skydiving. 107 00:04:46,129 --> 00:04:47,642 So how are the eggs? 108 00:04:47,809 --> 00:04:49,481 Eggs are eggs. 109 00:04:50,329 --> 00:04:52,285 Eggs are eggs. 110 00:04:52,449 --> 00:04:54,599 That is very profound. 111 00:04:54,769 --> 00:04:57,920 By the same token, could you say, "Fish is fish"? 112 00:04:58,089 --> 00:04:59,568 I don't think so. 113 00:05:01,249 --> 00:05:02,682 - Listen, Daphne- - Daphne. 114 00:05:02,849 --> 00:05:04,282 Daphne. 115 00:05:06,209 --> 00:05:08,928 I have to tell you something. This is very difficult- 116 00:05:09,089 --> 00:05:11,478 Oh, I forgot to tell you. 117 00:05:11,649 --> 00:05:13,685 Al Nechy called me today. 118 00:05:14,089 --> 00:05:16,887 Yeah. I bumped into him on the bus. What did he have to say? 119 00:05:17,049 --> 00:05:19,688 He told me not to get involved with you. 120 00:05:20,209 --> 00:05:21,528 - What? - Yeah. 121 00:05:21,689 --> 00:05:23,998 He said you could never make a commitment... 122 00:05:24,169 --> 00:05:26,637 ...and you'd just wind up hurting me. 123 00:05:27,009 --> 00:05:28,761 He said that? 124 00:05:29,409 --> 00:05:30,808 What a nerve. 125 00:05:30,969 --> 00:05:33,244 How dare he say something like that. 126 00:05:33,409 --> 00:05:36,606 - Is it true? - Of course not. 127 00:05:37,169 --> 00:05:41,720 I mean, sure, there may have been one or two occasions in the past... 128 00:05:41,889 --> 00:05:44,767 ...when I may have reacted... 129 00:05:44,929 --> 00:05:47,397 ...in an impulsive or somewhat immature manner... 130 00:05:47,569 --> 00:05:50,766 ...but those days are well behind me. 131 00:05:53,289 --> 00:05:56,087 How long are you gonna be away for, Daddy? 132 00:05:56,529 --> 00:05:58,440 I'm not really going away. 133 00:05:58,609 --> 00:06:01,521 I told you, I'll be back every other weekend. 134 00:06:01,689 --> 00:06:05,159 Don't go, Daddy. Don't go. 135 00:06:05,569 --> 00:06:07,719 Now, Porter... 136 00:06:09,289 --> 00:06:12,087 ...you know your mother and I love you very much... 137 00:06:12,249 --> 00:06:13,602 ...but... 138 00:06:13,769 --> 00:06:16,886 ...sometimes people fall out of love. 139 00:06:17,889 --> 00:06:20,039 Now, give me a big hug. 140 00:06:21,209 --> 00:06:23,279 And there's your scene. 141 00:06:23,449 --> 00:06:24,723 - Stand-ins? - Yo. 142 00:06:24,889 --> 00:06:27,961 All right, you guys. Get on their spots. We gotta fix the lights. 143 00:06:29,649 --> 00:06:31,446 That's good work. 144 00:06:34,649 --> 00:06:36,640 All right. Ready. 145 00:06:37,209 --> 00:06:39,882 How long you gonna be away for, Daddy? 146 00:06:43,769 --> 00:06:46,488 I'm not really going away. 147 00:06:47,169 --> 00:06:49,888 I told you I'd be back every other weekend. 148 00:06:50,929 --> 00:06:53,682 Don't go, Daddy. Don't go. 149 00:06:54,929 --> 00:06:56,567 Now, listen, Porter. 150 00:06:56,729 --> 00:07:00,039 You know your mother and I love you very much... 151 00:07:00,209 --> 00:07:03,645 ...but sometimes people fall out of love. 152 00:07:03,809 --> 00:07:06,039 Now, give me a big hug. 153 00:07:08,449 --> 00:07:09,962 All right. Kramer. 154 00:07:10,129 --> 00:07:11,881 Kramer. 155 00:07:12,049 --> 00:07:16,008 Okay, that's lunch, everybody. One hour. 156 00:07:20,889 --> 00:07:23,198 - How do those lifts feel? - Quiet. 157 00:07:23,609 --> 00:07:25,247 - Hi, guys. - Hey, Tammy. 158 00:07:25,409 --> 00:07:27,161 You look different. 159 00:07:27,329 --> 00:07:29,889 - Have you been working out? - Not that I know of. 160 00:07:30,569 --> 00:07:32,844 Whatever it is, keep doing it. You look great. 161 00:07:33,009 --> 00:07:36,046 - How about lunch? - Oh, I can't today... 162 00:07:36,209 --> 00:07:38,006 ...but I see it in our future. 163 00:07:38,529 --> 00:07:39,803 - See you, Kramer. - Yeah. 164 00:07:39,969 --> 00:07:41,243 Bye, Mickey. 165 00:07:41,769 --> 00:07:43,999 - Oh, she likes you, buddy. - Yeah. 166 00:07:44,169 --> 00:07:45,727 Yeah. 167 00:07:45,889 --> 00:07:48,039 - All of a sudden. - What? 168 00:07:48,209 --> 00:07:49,483 Hey, Mick. 169 00:07:49,929 --> 00:07:52,523 - How you doing, Johnny? - What gives? What's going on? 170 00:07:52,689 --> 00:07:54,327 - You going out with Tammy? - Maybe. 171 00:07:54,489 --> 00:07:56,207 What's it to you? 172 00:07:56,409 --> 00:07:58,206 There's something different about you. 173 00:07:58,369 --> 00:08:02,203 - I got my hair cut, that's all. - No, that's not it. Something else. 174 00:08:02,369 --> 00:08:04,246 Yeah. You look different. 175 00:08:04,409 --> 00:08:07,799 You don't. You got the same ugly mug you had since the day I met you. 176 00:08:07,969 --> 00:08:10,039 I don't know what it is, but I'll find out. 177 00:08:10,209 --> 00:08:12,165 I'll find out. 178 00:08:12,529 --> 00:08:13,848 Don't believe him. 179 00:08:16,369 --> 00:08:18,963 So she's just sitting there, and then Pachyderm- 180 00:08:19,129 --> 00:08:21,927 You remember the 'Derm. He says, "I'm gonna go up to her." 181 00:08:22,129 --> 00:08:25,599 So he picks up the two pieces of pizza and... 182 00:08:25,769 --> 00:08:27,043 And they're steaming hot. 183 00:08:27,209 --> 00:08:29,200 They're burning his hands, so he's juggling. 184 00:08:29,369 --> 00:08:30,768 He's throwing them in the air. 185 00:08:30,929 --> 00:08:34,205 And just as he gets up to her, down they go. 186 00:08:34,489 --> 00:08:35,842 Well, we all just lost it. 187 00:08:38,169 --> 00:08:39,522 It was really, really funny. 188 00:08:40,769 --> 00:08:43,806 - Hey, Jerry. - Hey, Phil. How you doing? 189 00:08:43,969 --> 00:08:45,800 - You look terrific. - I got my health. 190 00:08:45,969 --> 00:08:48,085 Well, that's the most important thing. 191 00:08:48,249 --> 00:08:50,160 Hey, how you doing, Fulton? 192 00:08:50,329 --> 00:08:52,445 Octane, butane, night train! 193 00:08:54,129 --> 00:08:57,599 - How's he doing? - He could use a couple laughs. 194 00:08:58,809 --> 00:09:02,848 You should've told the story about Pachyderm dropping the pizza. 195 00:09:03,009 --> 00:09:04,283 I told it. Yeah. 196 00:09:04,449 --> 00:09:06,167 - Yeah. - Yeah. 197 00:09:08,329 --> 00:09:10,923 Hey, you know what? As I was leaving, I saw Phil Tatola. 198 00:09:11,089 --> 00:09:13,239 He is one of the greatest guys. 199 00:09:13,409 --> 00:09:15,843 - Do I know him? - No. But of all the guys I know... 200 00:09:16,009 --> 00:09:18,398 ...I could envision you going out with him. 201 00:09:18,569 --> 00:09:21,242 If you were a woman, would you go out with him? 202 00:09:21,609 --> 00:09:24,806 If I was a woman, I'd be at the dock waiting for the fleet to come in. 203 00:09:25,529 --> 00:09:27,918 Yeah, I bet you would. All right, give him my number. 204 00:09:28,089 --> 00:09:29,442 All right. 205 00:09:29,609 --> 00:09:32,123 This, you're not gonna believe. 206 00:09:32,289 --> 00:09:35,201 Al Nechy, that pimple... 207 00:09:35,729 --> 00:09:37,765 ...tells Daphne- Now, get this. 208 00:09:37,929 --> 00:09:39,521 - not to get involved with me. 209 00:09:39,689 --> 00:09:41,645 - What? - Yeah. That's what she told me. 210 00:09:41,809 --> 00:09:45,199 - Why? - He's afraid that she's gonna get hurt. 211 00:09:45,369 --> 00:09:46,927 - Is she? - Of course. 212 00:09:49,009 --> 00:09:52,399 - So? - What? He doesn't have to tell her. 213 00:09:52,769 --> 00:09:56,284 - Maybe he likes her. - Oh, no, no. He's deeply in love. 214 00:09:56,449 --> 00:09:58,724 I was about to break up with her when she told me. 215 00:09:58,889 --> 00:10:01,687 - So, what are you gonna do? - I can't break up with her now. 216 00:10:02,169 --> 00:10:05,605 - Why? - Because he said I was going to. 217 00:10:05,769 --> 00:10:09,045 So now you're gonna keep going out with her for spite? 218 00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:12,679 - Yes. I am. - Yeah, I could see that. 219 00:10:12,889 --> 00:10:14,800 - I don't see any way around it. - Me either. 220 00:10:14,969 --> 00:10:16,721 - What choice do I have? - None. 221 00:10:36,849 --> 00:10:38,805 Fulton's wife told me it's all my fault. 222 00:10:38,969 --> 00:10:42,245 She said since my visit, he's taken a turn for the worse. 223 00:10:43,009 --> 00:10:47,207 - Did you tell him the Pachyderm story? - Yeah, I told him the Pachyderm story. 224 00:10:47,409 --> 00:10:48,762 Maybe I'll go over there. 225 00:10:48,929 --> 00:10:51,807 - Towards what end? - I'm very good with sick people. 226 00:10:51,969 --> 00:10:53,322 They love me. 227 00:10:53,489 --> 00:10:55,400 When my friend Len Nickidimo had gout... 228 00:10:55,569 --> 00:10:57,605 ...I was in his hospital room for three days. 229 00:10:57,769 --> 00:10:59,999 The doctors were amazed at his recovery. 230 00:11:03,529 --> 00:11:06,168 - Hey. - Hey, Mick. 231 00:11:06,329 --> 00:11:09,241 Johnny Viggiano went through my locker. 232 00:11:09,809 --> 00:11:12,118 That little bastard. 233 00:11:12,449 --> 00:11:14,485 He saw the lifts in my shoes. 234 00:11:14,649 --> 00:11:17,083 He knows I'm heightening. 235 00:11:18,289 --> 00:11:21,201 This never would've happened if you didn't push me to get those. 236 00:11:21,369 --> 00:11:23,564 - I told you. - Nobody put a gun to your head. 237 00:11:23,729 --> 00:11:25,959 Yeah. Just keep out of my business, you big ape. 238 00:11:26,129 --> 00:11:27,847 Who you calling "big ape"? 239 00:11:28,009 --> 00:11:30,159 I'm calling you an ape. 240 00:11:30,369 --> 00:11:33,008 All right, break it up. Come on, you two. 241 00:11:33,169 --> 00:11:35,558 Just cut it out now. 242 00:11:35,729 --> 00:11:37,845 Yeah. 243 00:11:41,529 --> 00:11:43,008 Behave yourselves. 244 00:11:44,569 --> 00:11:47,208 - I'm sorry, Kramer. - No, it's all right, it's all right. 245 00:11:47,369 --> 00:11:49,963 You're stressed out. 246 00:11:52,569 --> 00:11:54,366 Why does this Johnny have it in for you? 247 00:11:54,529 --> 00:11:56,440 He's always been jealous of me. 248 00:11:56,609 --> 00:11:59,248 I always got to stand in for the bigger stars. 249 00:11:59,409 --> 00:12:02,128 The Cosby kids, Ricky Schroder, Macaulay Culkin. 250 00:12:02,929 --> 00:12:04,601 - What's he like? - He's a good kid. 251 00:12:04,769 --> 00:12:07,363 - Yeah? - What does he care if you put lifts in? 252 00:12:07,529 --> 00:12:08,803 You don't understand. 253 00:12:08,969 --> 00:12:11,005 There's an unwritten code about this. 254 00:12:11,169 --> 00:12:12,807 I could be ostracised. 255 00:12:13,409 --> 00:12:16,606 I remember when I was a kid, some guy tried to heighten. 256 00:12:16,769 --> 00:12:20,921 He lost his job, lost his friends, everything. 257 00:12:21,089 --> 00:12:23,239 I knew I was crazy to try this kind of thing... 258 00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:25,969 ...but I was so desperate. 259 00:12:26,329 --> 00:12:28,081 What is this kid taking, anyway? 260 00:12:28,249 --> 00:12:29,728 Hormones? Steroids? 261 00:12:29,889 --> 00:12:31,686 Would you tell me? 262 00:12:32,449 --> 00:12:34,007 Well, here we are. 263 00:12:34,409 --> 00:12:37,560 George, tomorrow's Sunday. 264 00:12:37,729 --> 00:12:41,165 We could sleep late and get the paper... 265 00:12:41,329 --> 00:12:44,878 ...and have breakfast and spend the morning together... 266 00:12:45,049 --> 00:12:48,803 ...go for a long walk, maybe do a little shopping... 267 00:12:48,969 --> 00:12:52,086 - ... have lunch- - You know what? I- 268 00:12:52,249 --> 00:12:54,683 I don't think I'm gonna be able to stay over tonight. 269 00:12:54,849 --> 00:12:57,363 - Why not? - Yeah, I really should go home. 270 00:12:57,529 --> 00:13:00,168 Actually, I'm planning on spending the day with my father. 271 00:13:00,329 --> 00:13:01,603 We're- 272 00:13:01,769 --> 00:13:04,522 We're going to a father-son picnic, just the two of us. 273 00:13:04,689 --> 00:13:06,884 I thought we were gonna spend the day together. 274 00:13:07,049 --> 00:13:10,678 Well, Dad's been planning this for such a long time. 275 00:13:10,849 --> 00:13:12,123 He bought a new blanket. 276 00:13:12,289 --> 00:13:16,168 And he got that game with the foam paddles and the Velcro ball. 277 00:13:17,009 --> 00:13:19,967 Have you given any more thought to what we talked about? 278 00:13:20,129 --> 00:13:21,642 You know, moving in? 279 00:13:21,809 --> 00:13:24,881 Yes. Oh, yes. Very much. 280 00:13:25,049 --> 00:13:26,880 Maybe you don't wanna move in. 281 00:13:27,049 --> 00:13:28,846 No, no, I do. You know, it's just- 282 00:13:29,009 --> 00:13:33,048 Maybe Al Nechy was right. Maybe I shouldn't have gotten involved. 283 00:13:33,209 --> 00:13:34,562 No, he's not right. 284 00:13:34,729 --> 00:13:36,401 Al Nechy is not right. 285 00:13:37,489 --> 00:13:40,925 All right, I'm cancelling the father-son picnic. 286 00:13:41,089 --> 00:13:44,399 I don't know what he's gonna do with all that potato salad. 287 00:13:47,049 --> 00:13:51,361 So then Pachyderm picks up the two pieces of pizza. 288 00:13:51,529 --> 00:13:54,327 And mind you, now, they're burning hot. 289 00:13:54,489 --> 00:13:56,445 He can barely hold them. 290 00:13:56,729 --> 00:13:59,368 He's trying to, like, juggle the pizza. 291 00:13:59,529 --> 00:14:01,565 You know. I mean- 292 00:14:01,729 --> 00:14:05,517 - And then they go flying- - I'm gonna pee my pants. 293 00:14:05,689 --> 00:14:07,441 They go flying out of his hands. 294 00:14:07,609 --> 00:14:13,764 And one lands on her face, and the other lands on his face. 295 00:14:16,209 --> 00:14:18,723 I mean, the whole place went crazy. 296 00:14:18,889 --> 00:14:21,961 - Oh, what a story. - Oh, God. I know. I know. 297 00:14:22,129 --> 00:14:23,881 That is one of the funniest stories... 298 00:14:24,049 --> 00:14:26,358 - ... I've ever heard. - I know. 299 00:14:26,969 --> 00:14:29,199 Well, this has been one hell of a night. 300 00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:32,088 I'm sorry Jerry didn't suggest this sooner. 301 00:14:32,489 --> 00:14:34,081 You know... 302 00:14:34,369 --> 00:14:36,599 ...you really are beautiful, Elaine. 303 00:14:37,649 --> 00:14:39,241 Well... 304 00:14:41,689 --> 00:14:43,407 - Good night. - Good night? 305 00:14:43,889 --> 00:14:45,527 Well... 306 00:14:49,169 --> 00:14:50,966 Come on, Adrian. Give me another chance. 307 00:14:51,129 --> 00:14:52,847 I know I can cheer Fulton up. 308 00:14:53,009 --> 00:14:55,045 I'll tell you what. I'll do my act. 309 00:14:55,209 --> 00:14:56,722 No, new material. 310 00:14:56,889 --> 00:14:58,925 He's never heard it. 311 00:14:59,089 --> 00:15:02,877 He'll love it. I just did it at the Concorde last week. It killed. 312 00:15:03,049 --> 00:15:05,802 Thank you. Thanks- You will not regret this. 313 00:15:05,969 --> 00:15:08,039 Okay. Bye. Hey. 314 00:15:08,209 --> 00:15:10,245 Hello. 315 00:15:10,529 --> 00:15:12,201 So? 316 00:15:12,769 --> 00:15:15,727 - What? - Come on, how was your date? 317 00:15:15,889 --> 00:15:18,164 Oh, the date. 318 00:15:18,329 --> 00:15:20,365 The date. 319 00:15:20,529 --> 00:15:22,884 - Yeah. How was it? - Interesting. 320 00:15:23,529 --> 00:15:26,566 - Really? - Oh, yeah. 321 00:15:27,129 --> 00:15:30,121 - Why? What happened? - Let's see. 322 00:15:30,289 --> 00:15:32,598 How shall I put this? 323 00:15:32,769 --> 00:15:34,248 Well, just put it. 324 00:15:35,089 --> 00:15:36,488 He took it out. 325 00:15:41,809 --> 00:15:43,083 He what? 326 00:15:43,409 --> 00:15:45,479 He took... 327 00:15:46,289 --> 00:15:47,688 ...it out. 328 00:15:50,609 --> 00:15:52,042 He took what out? 329 00:15:53,169 --> 00:15:54,443 It. 330 00:15:54,609 --> 00:15:57,169 He took it out? 331 00:15:57,529 --> 00:15:58,882 Yes, sirree, Bob. 332 00:16:00,409 --> 00:16:02,001 - He couldn't. - He did. 333 00:16:02,609 --> 00:16:04,520 You were involved in some sort of amorous- 334 00:16:04,689 --> 00:16:06,839 No. 335 00:16:07,449 --> 00:16:09,485 - You mean, he just-? - Yes. 336 00:16:09,689 --> 00:16:12,601 - Are you sure? - Oh, quite. 337 00:16:13,809 --> 00:16:15,925 There was no mistaking it? 338 00:16:16,089 --> 00:16:17,488 Jerry. 339 00:16:17,769 --> 00:16:20,841 So you were talking, you're having a pleasant conversation... 340 00:16:21,009 --> 00:16:22,647 - ... and then all of a sudden- - Yeah. 341 00:16:22,809 --> 00:16:24,083 - It. - It. 342 00:16:24,249 --> 00:16:25,762 - Out. - Out. 343 00:16:26,169 --> 00:16:28,319 Well, I can't believe this. I know Phil. 344 00:16:28,489 --> 00:16:30,559 He's a good friend. We play softball together. 345 00:16:30,729 --> 00:16:33,687 - How could this be? - Oh, it be. 346 00:16:34,809 --> 00:16:38,279 Have you got any other friends you wanna set me up with? 347 00:16:40,009 --> 00:16:41,283 Hey. 348 00:16:41,449 --> 00:16:43,485 Hey, how was your date with Phil Tatola? 349 00:16:43,649 --> 00:16:45,560 He took it out. 350 00:16:50,649 --> 00:16:53,846 Well, maybe it needed some air. 351 00:16:54,049 --> 00:16:57,086 You know, sometimes they need air. They can't breathe in there. 352 00:16:57,249 --> 00:16:58,762 It's inhuman. 353 00:17:01,329 --> 00:17:05,322 So she's just sitting there, she's having a pleasant conversation... 354 00:17:05,489 --> 00:17:07,047 - ... and all of a sudden- - It. 355 00:17:07,249 --> 00:17:08,602 - It. - Out. 356 00:17:12,569 --> 00:17:14,685 I spend time trying to get their clothes off... 357 00:17:14,849 --> 00:17:16,601 ...I never thought of taking mine off. 358 00:17:19,449 --> 00:17:21,644 Hey, get out of here. Daphne's gonna be here. 359 00:17:21,809 --> 00:17:23,162 All right, I'm going. 360 00:17:23,329 --> 00:17:25,001 You know what I've come to realise? 361 00:17:25,169 --> 00:17:26,488 I'm not just bored. 362 00:17:26,649 --> 00:17:29,083 I genuinely dislike her. 363 00:17:29,249 --> 00:17:31,160 Well, how long are you gonna keep this up? 364 00:17:31,329 --> 00:17:33,240 Hey, I'll get married if I have to. 365 00:17:34,129 --> 00:17:37,201 Al Nechy will think twice before he opens his mouth about me again. 366 00:17:37,369 --> 00:17:39,200 George, they're doing wonderful things... 367 00:17:39,369 --> 00:17:41,200 ...at mental institutions these days. 368 00:17:41,369 --> 00:17:43,485 I'd be happy to set up a meet-and-greet. 369 00:17:43,649 --> 00:17:45,879 I'm very disappointed to hear you talk like that. 370 00:17:46,049 --> 00:17:49,246 - Still don't know what makes me tick. - Yes, I do. 371 00:17:49,409 --> 00:17:51,684 - What are you doing? - I'm going to see Fulton. 372 00:17:51,849 --> 00:17:54,682 I'm not even saying hello. I'm going right into material. 373 00:17:59,529 --> 00:18:03,044 - Hey, Jer. - Oh, hey, Phil. 374 00:18:04,369 --> 00:18:06,519 I'm sorry things didn't work out with Elaine. 375 00:18:06,689 --> 00:18:08,088 I don't know what I did wrong. 376 00:18:08,529 --> 00:18:11,248 Well, you showed her who you are. 377 00:18:12,049 --> 00:18:14,199 Oh, look at this. 378 00:18:14,369 --> 00:18:17,247 What, she's gotta breast-feed in public? 379 00:18:19,569 --> 00:18:21,924 Yeah, that's the last thing you wanna see. 380 00:18:22,089 --> 00:18:24,364 Well, next to last. 381 00:18:24,769 --> 00:18:27,806 - Look, I'll see you. - Yeah, take it easy. 382 00:18:28,249 --> 00:18:30,604 Dr. Calahan. Dr. Calahan. 383 00:18:33,249 --> 00:18:36,605 Hey, how you doing? Good to be here. 384 00:18:39,289 --> 00:18:42,087 - Rock, paper, scissors. Match. - Rock, paper, scissors. Match. 385 00:18:42,249 --> 00:18:43,762 All right. Rock beats paper. 386 00:18:46,929 --> 00:18:48,248 I thought paper covered rock. 387 00:18:48,409 --> 00:18:50,320 No. Rock flies right through paper. 388 00:18:50,609 --> 00:18:51,883 Well, what beats rock? 389 00:18:52,729 --> 00:18:54,526 Nothing beats rock. 390 00:18:54,689 --> 00:18:55,963 All right, come on. 391 00:18:56,769 --> 00:18:58,202 Rock, paper, scissors. Match. 392 00:18:58,369 --> 00:18:59,643 - Rock. - Rock. 393 00:18:59,809 --> 00:19:01,322 Rock, paper, scissors. Match. 394 00:19:01,489 --> 00:19:02,922 - Rock. - Rock. 395 00:19:03,089 --> 00:19:05,284 Hey, Bob. Hey, what's with you? 396 00:19:05,449 --> 00:19:06,723 You got a problem? 397 00:19:06,889 --> 00:19:09,881 - You see that look he gave me? - Come on. Here. Ready? 398 00:19:10,449 --> 00:19:12,326 Rock, paper, scissors. Match. 399 00:19:12,489 --> 00:19:13,763 - Rock. - Rock. 400 00:19:13,929 --> 00:19:15,885 - Hey, Tammy. - Hello. 401 00:19:16,049 --> 00:19:19,086 So, Tammy, finally, today's our big lunch. 402 00:19:19,249 --> 00:19:21,205 - I don't think so. - Why not? 403 00:19:21,369 --> 00:19:23,758 - What the hell are you talking about? - Look, Mickey. 404 00:19:23,929 --> 00:19:25,760 Everybody knows that you're heightening. 405 00:19:25,929 --> 00:19:27,521 It's all over the set. 406 00:19:27,689 --> 00:19:29,441 - Wait. Wait- - Don't touch me. 407 00:19:29,609 --> 00:19:31,839 You ought to be ashamed of yourself. 408 00:19:32,009 --> 00:19:34,045 All the progress we've made over the years... 409 00:19:34,209 --> 00:19:36,439 ...and you blow it with a stupid stunt like that. 410 00:19:36,609 --> 00:19:39,043 Wait a second. Wait a second. You got me all wrong. 411 00:19:39,209 --> 00:19:41,120 It was all because of the kid. 412 00:19:41,289 --> 00:19:42,881 The kid was growing. 413 00:19:43,049 --> 00:19:46,200 He shot up 2 and a half inches in a month. 414 00:19:46,529 --> 00:19:48,759 I would've lost my job. 415 00:19:48,929 --> 00:19:51,648 Any one of you would've done the same. 416 00:19:51,809 --> 00:19:53,561 You got no right. 417 00:19:53,729 --> 00:19:55,287 I'm Mickey Abbot. 418 00:19:55,449 --> 00:19:59,283 I stood in for Punky Brewster when all of you was nothing. 419 00:19:59,969 --> 00:20:01,641 It's all his fault. 420 00:20:01,969 --> 00:20:03,368 It was his idea. 421 00:20:03,689 --> 00:20:07,238 Come on, Johnny. Let's go get something to eat. 422 00:20:16,289 --> 00:20:17,927 Mickey. 423 00:20:21,249 --> 00:20:24,207 - This guy's belching up vitamins. - Stop. 424 00:20:24,369 --> 00:20:26,007 And this whole Justice League... 425 00:20:26,169 --> 00:20:28,364 ...Batman, Green Lantern, Wonder Woman. 426 00:20:28,529 --> 00:20:31,248 You mean to tell me Superman can't cover everything? 427 00:20:31,409 --> 00:20:36,039 - Stop. - For crying out loud, he's Superman. 428 00:20:47,729 --> 00:20:49,401 Fulton? 429 00:20:50,609 --> 00:20:52,281 Fulton? 430 00:21:00,529 --> 00:21:04,807 George, first let me just say that I've never been with a guy... 431 00:21:04,969 --> 00:21:07,085 ...who was so committed to commit. 432 00:21:07,249 --> 00:21:09,365 I mean, it's so rare in men these days... 433 00:21:09,529 --> 00:21:12,760 ...and that's what makes this all the more difficult. 434 00:21:14,289 --> 00:21:15,847 Difficult? 435 00:21:16,009 --> 00:21:19,001 The other day after work, some girlfriends and I went to a bar... 436 00:21:19,169 --> 00:21:21,842 ...for some drinks, and there was this crazy mishap... 437 00:21:22,009 --> 00:21:25,206 ...and I wound up meeting someone as a result. 438 00:21:25,889 --> 00:21:27,527 George. 439 00:21:27,689 --> 00:21:30,408 Please don't. 440 00:21:32,249 --> 00:21:34,604 Oh, I'm sorry. 441 00:21:34,769 --> 00:21:37,966 I'm afraid the worst of it is it's someone you know. 442 00:21:38,129 --> 00:21:39,801 Jerry Persach. 443 00:21:39,969 --> 00:21:42,005 Pachyderm? 444 00:21:42,889 --> 00:21:45,687 He was carrying these two pieces of pizza... 445 00:21:52,369 --> 00:21:54,360 Subtitles by SDl Media Group