1 00:00:03,849 --> 00:00:05,885 It's hard to justify, at this point in history... 2 00:00:06,049 --> 00:00:08,199 ...the existence of men and their handkerchiefs. 3 00:00:08,369 --> 00:00:11,008 I mean, they open it up, blow their nose in it... 4 00:00:11,169 --> 00:00:13,922 ...then put it in their pocket with their other valuables. 5 00:00:14,089 --> 00:00:16,967 Wallet, keys, mucous. Yup, got everything. 6 00:00:18,209 --> 00:00:19,801 Is it because men can't give birth... 7 00:00:19,969 --> 00:00:22,437 ...are they just proud of anything that comes out of us? 8 00:00:24,369 --> 00:00:26,599 We'll actually have a monogram sewn onto it. 9 00:00:26,769 --> 00:00:29,078 What is the source of pride here? 10 00:00:29,249 --> 00:00:31,319 It sticks out of our breast pocket of our jacket. 11 00:00:31,489 --> 00:00:33,480 I have a snot rag. 12 00:00:44,049 --> 00:00:47,803 - To your promotion. - Oh, thank you. 13 00:00:49,969 --> 00:00:52,039 Thank you, Mr. Lippman. I can't tell you... 14 00:00:52,209 --> 00:00:55,679 ...how much I appreciate this. I mean, of course, I deserve it. 15 00:00:57,009 --> 00:00:59,398 Well, you're really on your way now. 16 00:01:02,529 --> 00:01:04,759 You should do something about that cold. 17 00:01:06,289 --> 00:01:09,520 - You got a raise? - I don't fool around, baby. 18 00:01:10,049 --> 00:01:11,801 You said Pendant was in financial trouble. 19 00:01:11,969 --> 00:01:13,960 But they're being absorbed by Matsushimi... 20 00:01:14,129 --> 00:01:15,642 ...that big Japanese conglomerate. 21 00:01:15,809 --> 00:01:18,039 - When did that happen? - Papers are signed next week. 22 00:01:18,209 --> 00:01:20,518 Are they publishing Kramer's coffee table book? 23 00:01:20,689 --> 00:01:22,566 Yeah. They'll definitely do it now. 24 00:01:22,889 --> 00:01:24,641 You're on quite a streak. Job promotion. 25 00:01:24,809 --> 00:01:27,642 - Plus you're back with Jake Jarmel. - Yeah, it's getting serious. 26 00:01:27,809 --> 00:01:29,606 We're talking about moving in together. 27 00:01:29,969 --> 00:01:31,721 You've got it all. Helen Gurley Brown... 28 00:01:31,889 --> 00:01:33,322 ...would be very proud of you. 29 00:01:34,129 --> 00:01:35,960 Speaking of having it all... 30 00:01:37,729 --> 00:01:39,242 Where were you? 31 00:01:39,409 --> 00:01:41,240 I went to the beach. 32 00:01:41,929 --> 00:01:43,408 The beach. 33 00:01:44,809 --> 00:01:46,288 It's not working, Jerry. 34 00:01:46,449 --> 00:01:49,407 - It's just not working. - What is it that isn't working? 35 00:01:49,969 --> 00:01:52,199 Why did it all turn out like this for me? 36 00:01:52,409 --> 00:01:54,400 I had so much promise. 37 00:01:55,089 --> 00:01:57,683 I was personable. I was bright. 38 00:01:58,449 --> 00:02:01,088 Maybe not academically speaking, but... 39 00:02:01,569 --> 00:02:03,321 I was perceptive. 40 00:02:03,529 --> 00:02:07,044 I always know when someone's uncomfortable at a party. 41 00:02:07,769 --> 00:02:09,805 - Got a napkin? - It all became very clear to me... 42 00:02:09,969 --> 00:02:11,448 ...sitting out there today that... 43 00:02:11,609 --> 00:02:16,205 ...every decision I've ever made in my entire life has been wrong. 44 00:02:16,609 --> 00:02:20,318 My life is the complete opposite of everything I want it to be. 45 00:02:20,529 --> 00:02:23,168 Every instinct I have in every aspect of life... 46 00:02:23,329 --> 00:02:25,968 ...be it something to wear, something to eat... 47 00:02:26,129 --> 00:02:28,279 ...it's all been wrong. Every one. 48 00:02:28,449 --> 00:02:29,962 Tuna on toast, coleslaw... 49 00:02:30,129 --> 00:02:31,881 - ... cup of coffee. - Yeah. 50 00:02:32,049 --> 00:02:35,086 No, no, wait a minute. I always have tuna on toast. 51 00:02:35,249 --> 00:02:38,161 Nothing's ever worked out for me with tuna on toast. 52 00:02:38,689 --> 00:02:40,805 I want the complete opposite of tuna on toast. 53 00:02:41,529 --> 00:02:43,884 Chicken salad on rye... 54 00:02:44,049 --> 00:02:47,803 ...untoasted with a side of potato salad... 55 00:02:48,009 --> 00:02:49,601 ...and a cup of tea. 56 00:02:52,049 --> 00:02:55,405 Well, there's no telling what can happen from this. 57 00:02:55,569 --> 00:02:57,446 Chicken salad is not the opposite of tuna. 58 00:02:57,609 --> 00:02:59,839 Salmon's the opposite of tuna because salmon swim... 59 00:03:00,009 --> 00:03:03,445 ...against the current, and the tuna swim with it. 60 00:03:04,649 --> 00:03:06,526 Good for the tuna. 61 00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:11,840 George, you know that woman just looked at you. 62 00:03:12,849 --> 00:03:14,601 So what? What am I supposed to do? 63 00:03:14,769 --> 00:03:16,361 Go talk to her. 64 00:03:16,529 --> 00:03:20,204 Elaine, bald men with no jobs and no money... 65 00:03:20,369 --> 00:03:22,439 ...who live with their parents... 66 00:03:23,049 --> 00:03:25,279 ...don't approach strange women. 67 00:03:26,249 --> 00:03:28,524 Try the opposite. Instead of tuna salad... 68 00:03:28,689 --> 00:03:30,919 ...and being intimidated by women, chicken salad... 69 00:03:31,089 --> 00:03:34,479 - ... and going right up to them. - Yeah, I should do the opposite. 70 00:03:34,649 --> 00:03:36,526 If every instinct you have is wrong... 71 00:03:36,689 --> 00:03:39,487 ...then the opposite would have to be right. 72 00:03:42,089 --> 00:03:43,568 Yes. 73 00:03:43,729 --> 00:03:45,640 I will do the opposite. 74 00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:48,846 I used to sit here and do nothing and regret it for the rest of the day. 75 00:03:49,009 --> 00:03:51,398 So now I will do the opposite, and I will do something. 76 00:03:58,929 --> 00:04:01,762 Excuse me. I couldn't help but notice that... 77 00:04:01,929 --> 00:04:04,841 - ... you were looking in my direction. - Oh, yes, I was. 78 00:04:05,009 --> 00:04:07,318 You just ordered the same exact lunch as me. 79 00:04:08,969 --> 00:04:10,561 My name is George. 80 00:04:10,729 --> 00:04:13,801 I'm unemployed, and I live with my parents. 81 00:04:16,649 --> 00:04:19,004 I'm Victoria. Hi. 82 00:04:24,889 --> 00:04:27,449 Are you kidding? They can't cancel that show on me now. 83 00:04:27,609 --> 00:04:30,169 It's too late for me to book anything else for that weekend. 84 00:04:30,329 --> 00:04:32,684 All right, all right. Okay, bye. 85 00:04:32,849 --> 00:04:35,807 Hey. Buddy, it's all happening. 86 00:04:35,969 --> 00:04:37,721 - What's happening? - The coffee table book. 87 00:04:37,889 --> 00:04:39,800 It's a go. 88 00:04:40,569 --> 00:04:42,560 - I heard all about it. - Know what this means? 89 00:04:42,729 --> 00:04:44,845 I'm starting the book tour. 90 00:04:45,009 --> 00:04:47,887 First stop, Regis and Kathie Lee. 91 00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:50,847 You're going on Regis and Kathie Lee? 92 00:04:51,009 --> 00:04:52,522 Oh, you better believe it. 93 00:04:53,249 --> 00:04:56,047 - I'll loan you my puffy shirt. - No, no. That's not- 94 00:04:56,609 --> 00:04:58,042 What are you gonna talk about? 95 00:04:58,209 --> 00:04:59,801 Coffee tables. 96 00:05:02,889 --> 00:05:04,242 Hello. 97 00:05:04,409 --> 00:05:06,764 What? Sure. I'll do it. 98 00:05:06,929 --> 00:05:08,885 I just had something cancelled the same weekend. 99 00:05:09,049 --> 00:05:10,721 Okay. Great. Bye. 100 00:05:10,889 --> 00:05:14,518 Life is amazing. I just lost a job, and five minutes later... 101 00:05:14,689 --> 00:05:16,759 ...get another job, same weekend, same money. 102 00:05:16,929 --> 00:05:20,046 You know who you are? Even Steven. 103 00:05:22,329 --> 00:05:23,648 Are you growing a beard? 104 00:05:25,169 --> 00:05:28,127 Why shave every day? Just grows right back. 105 00:05:28,569 --> 00:05:29,797 I guess. 106 00:05:29,969 --> 00:05:33,245 I'm afraid I'm just not interested in how I present myself. 107 00:05:33,409 --> 00:05:35,969 If those kind of superficialities are important to you... 108 00:05:36,129 --> 00:05:38,040 ...this probably isn't gonna work. 109 00:05:39,369 --> 00:05:42,247 Hey, watch it. They cut you off. Did you see that? 110 00:05:42,609 --> 00:05:43,837 Take it easy. 111 00:05:44,009 --> 00:05:45,237 Take it easy. 112 00:05:45,489 --> 00:05:47,081 It's not the end of the world. 113 00:05:48,969 --> 00:05:51,563 Hey, baby, how about a little tongue action, huh? 114 00:05:51,729 --> 00:05:53,720 Stick your tongue down his throat. 115 00:05:55,809 --> 00:05:58,369 What are we gonna do? Should we just move? 116 00:05:59,409 --> 00:06:00,808 That won't be necessary. 117 00:06:04,689 --> 00:06:07,681 Shut your traps and stop kicking the seats! 118 00:06:07,849 --> 00:06:09,805 We're trying to watch the movie! 119 00:06:09,969 --> 00:06:12,403 If I have to tell you again, I'll show you... 120 00:06:12,609 --> 00:06:14,918 ...what it's like. You understand me? 121 00:06:15,089 --> 00:06:17,205 Now shut your mouths, or I'll shut them for you. 122 00:06:17,369 --> 00:06:19,439 If you think I'm kidding, just try me. 123 00:06:19,609 --> 00:06:20,837 Try me. 124 00:06:21,009 --> 00:06:23,239 Because I would love it! 125 00:06:32,329 --> 00:06:36,038 Are you sure you don't wanna come up? It's only 9:30. 126 00:06:36,929 --> 00:06:38,840 I don't think we should. 127 00:06:39,249 --> 00:06:41,479 We really don't know each other very well. 128 00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:45,003 Who are you, George Costanza? 129 00:06:46,209 --> 00:06:49,281 I'm the opposite of every guy you've ever met. 130 00:06:50,769 --> 00:06:53,237 - Excuse me. Is your name Elaine? - Yes. 131 00:06:53,529 --> 00:06:55,918 Were you supposed to meet a Jake Jarmel here? 132 00:06:56,089 --> 00:06:59,240 - Yeah. - I'm afraid he's been in an accident. 133 00:06:59,409 --> 00:07:02,526 - An accident? What happened? - He got sideswiped by a cab... 134 00:07:02,689 --> 00:07:06,602 ...but he's all right. He's in St. Vincent Hospital, room 907. 135 00:07:07,449 --> 00:07:09,041 Okay, thank you. 136 00:07:14,249 --> 00:07:16,240 Could I have a box of Jujyfruits? 137 00:07:16,649 --> 00:07:17,798 Here you go. 138 00:07:19,649 --> 00:07:21,605 So, you know, the light was clearly green. 139 00:07:21,769 --> 00:07:25,603 I started walking, he skidded, and went right into my hip. 140 00:07:26,489 --> 00:07:28,445 That is so terrible. 141 00:07:28,609 --> 00:07:32,158 It's so terrible, Jake. I mean, how can people be so stupid? 142 00:07:32,329 --> 00:07:33,808 It's just sickening. 143 00:07:36,969 --> 00:07:38,527 - Want one? - No, thanks. 144 00:07:40,769 --> 00:07:43,078 So when do you think you're gonna get out of here? 145 00:07:43,249 --> 00:07:45,968 - Where did you get those? - At the movies. 146 00:07:46,129 --> 00:07:48,324 Didn't you get the message before you went in? 147 00:07:48,489 --> 00:07:49,808 Yeah. 148 00:07:49,969 --> 00:07:54,485 - Then when did you get those? - Right after that. 149 00:07:55,089 --> 00:07:57,319 So you heard that I was in a car accident... 150 00:07:57,489 --> 00:08:00,925 ...and then decided to stop off for some Jujyfruit? 151 00:08:02,289 --> 00:08:03,688 Well... 152 00:08:04,529 --> 00:08:07,646 ...the counter was right there and- 153 00:08:07,809 --> 00:08:11,404 I'd think, under the circumstances, you would've run out of the building. 154 00:08:11,569 --> 00:08:13,480 Apparently, it didn't have any effect on you. 155 00:08:13,649 --> 00:08:15,879 - No, no. It did. - If you got into a car accident... 156 00:08:16,049 --> 00:08:19,405 ...I can guarantee you I wouldn't stop for Jujyfruits. 157 00:08:19,569 --> 00:08:21,719 - But, Jake- - I would like to be alone now, please. 158 00:08:22,049 --> 00:08:24,688 - But, Jake, I didn't- - Good night. 159 00:08:29,049 --> 00:08:31,927 - What do you say we call it a night? - Good idea. I'm kind of tired. 160 00:08:32,089 --> 00:08:33,283 - How'd you do? - Won 50. 161 00:08:33,449 --> 00:08:34,848 - Lost 72. - Won 37. 162 00:08:35,009 --> 00:08:37,728 - Lost 15. - Broke even. 163 00:08:39,089 --> 00:08:41,045 - Can I bring out our next guest now? - Please. 164 00:08:41,209 --> 00:08:43,518 Young guy, got a new book coming out, and it's about- 165 00:08:43,689 --> 00:08:46,726 And this is the best part. It's a coffee table book... 166 00:08:46,889 --> 00:08:49,323 - ... about coffee tables. - Is that clever? 167 00:08:50,249 --> 00:08:51,841 I think that is so clever. 168 00:08:52,009 --> 00:08:53,328 I think so too. 169 00:08:53,489 --> 00:08:55,002 - Did you meet him backstage? - I did. 170 00:08:55,169 --> 00:08:56,727 He looks like a fun guy, doesn't he? 171 00:08:56,889 --> 00:08:58,720 - I love his hair. - Oh, I do too. 172 00:08:58,889 --> 00:09:00,607 This guy could be a little bonkos. 173 00:09:00,769 --> 00:09:04,159 Anyway, if you will, would you please welcome Kramer. 174 00:09:09,769 --> 00:09:11,248 - Hey. - How are you? 175 00:09:11,409 --> 00:09:12,683 Look, Kramer's here. 176 00:09:12,849 --> 00:09:14,726 - Hi. - Hello. 177 00:09:20,889 --> 00:09:23,244 I don't know. It's the hair or something. I don't know. 178 00:09:23,929 --> 00:09:26,159 Yes. Kramer. 179 00:09:26,329 --> 00:09:28,638 So a coffee table book about coffee tables. 180 00:09:28,809 --> 00:09:31,607 - Where'd you get this idea? - Well, I'll tell you, Regis. 181 00:09:31,769 --> 00:09:34,044 Actually, this is a true story. 182 00:09:34,209 --> 00:09:36,803 - I was skiing at the time. - When I'm skiing, Kramer... 183 00:09:36,969 --> 00:09:39,324 ...I'm trying not to kill myself. You're writing books. 184 00:09:39,729 --> 00:09:42,562 You kids, don't go out and try that. 185 00:09:42,769 --> 00:09:44,646 You stay in school. 186 00:09:45,169 --> 00:09:47,285 Have you always been interested in coffee tables? 187 00:09:47,449 --> 00:09:50,885 Really, I love coffee tables, and I thought I was the only one. 188 00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:54,200 See, the beauty of my book is, if you don't have a coffee table... 189 00:09:54,369 --> 00:09:57,167 ...it turns into a coffee table. 190 00:09:59,529 --> 00:10:02,327 - Is that fabulous? - Look at this. 191 00:10:04,049 --> 00:10:05,926 Is that fabulous? 192 00:10:08,929 --> 00:10:10,885 - Fabulous. - I want one of those. 193 00:10:11,049 --> 00:10:13,324 Did I tell you this guy was bonkos? 194 00:10:14,089 --> 00:10:17,365 This coffee table is full of pictures of celebrities' coffee tables. 195 00:10:17,569 --> 00:10:19,719 - That's right. - I'm not in there. Where's mine? 196 00:10:19,889 --> 00:10:21,766 It's on file right here. 197 00:10:22,209 --> 00:10:25,246 I'm telling you, this guy's bonkos. He really is. 198 00:10:25,409 --> 00:10:28,207 - But he's adorable. - Yes he is. He's a nice-looking guy. 199 00:10:32,289 --> 00:10:34,041 All over my Kathie Lee Casuals. 200 00:10:36,689 --> 00:10:38,281 We'll be right back in a moment. 201 00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:41,607 - So it's over? - Yeah. 202 00:10:41,809 --> 00:10:45,882 - It got pretty nasty. - What did you go back for, Jujyfruit? 203 00:10:46,489 --> 00:10:50,368 It's not like I went across the street. I bought them and got in a cab. 204 00:10:50,529 --> 00:10:52,087 Why didn't you eat it in the cab? 205 00:10:52,249 --> 00:10:54,922 Because I got popcorn too. I ate that first. 206 00:10:56,209 --> 00:10:58,439 - What is all this? - I played cards last night. 207 00:10:58,609 --> 00:11:00,998 - Yeah? How'd you do? - Broke even. 208 00:11:02,129 --> 00:11:04,597 - You always break even. - Like yesterday, I lost a job... 209 00:11:04,769 --> 00:11:06,043 ...and then I got another one. 210 00:11:06,209 --> 00:11:08,598 Then I missed a TV show, and later on they reran it. 211 00:11:08,769 --> 00:11:11,078 Today I missed a train, went outside and caught a bus. 212 00:11:11,249 --> 00:11:13,126 It never fails. I always even out. 213 00:11:14,289 --> 00:11:15,961 - Give me 20 bucks. - What for? 214 00:11:16,129 --> 00:11:17,687 Just give me 20 bucks. 215 00:11:30,569 --> 00:11:32,366 What the hell was that? 216 00:11:32,929 --> 00:11:35,159 Let's see if you get the 20 bucks back. 217 00:11:36,049 --> 00:11:37,960 You could've thrown a pencil out the window... 218 00:11:38,129 --> 00:11:39,562 ...and seen if that comes back. 219 00:11:40,529 --> 00:11:44,078 Things were going so good for me. I got the job promotion. 220 00:11:44,249 --> 00:11:46,763 We were talking about moving in together. 221 00:11:46,929 --> 00:11:48,885 Maybe next time someone's in a car accident... 222 00:11:49,049 --> 00:11:51,358 ...you won't stop off for candy first. 223 00:11:52,409 --> 00:11:54,445 Hey, I just found $20. 224 00:11:56,249 --> 00:11:59,366 I tell you this, something is happening in my life. 225 00:11:59,529 --> 00:12:01,167 I did this opposite thing last night. 226 00:12:01,329 --> 00:12:03,206 Up was down, black was white, good was- 227 00:12:03,369 --> 00:12:04,518 - Bad? - Day was- 228 00:12:04,689 --> 00:12:06,008 - Night. - Yes. 229 00:12:07,329 --> 00:12:09,479 - So you did the opposite of everything. - Yes. 230 00:12:09,649 --> 00:12:12,925 And listen to this. Her uncle works for the Yankees... 231 00:12:13,089 --> 00:12:14,681 ...and is getting me a job interview. 232 00:12:14,929 --> 00:12:18,046 A front office kind of thing. Assistant to the travelling secretary. 233 00:12:18,209 --> 00:12:20,439 A job with the New York Yankees! 234 00:12:20,609 --> 00:12:23,248 This has been the dream of my life ever since I was a child. 235 00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:25,684 It's all happening because I'm completely ignoring... 236 00:12:25,849 --> 00:12:29,762 ...every urge towards common sense and good judgment I've ever had. 237 00:12:30,449 --> 00:12:33,964 This is no longer just some crazy notion. Elaine, Jerry... 238 00:12:34,329 --> 00:12:36,399 ...this is my religion. 239 00:12:36,849 --> 00:12:40,478 Well, I guess your messiah would be the Antichrist. 240 00:12:40,649 --> 00:12:44,358 That's funny. Come on. Let's go. 241 00:12:46,849 --> 00:12:49,807 Elaine. Look, a 20. 242 00:12:50,049 --> 00:12:52,438 Oh, my God. 243 00:12:57,809 --> 00:13:00,448 - Hey, boss. - Kramer, come in. 244 00:13:01,729 --> 00:13:03,924 How you doing there, big guy? 245 00:13:04,529 --> 00:13:07,521 - Hey. Yeah. Have a seat. - Alrighty. 246 00:13:07,809 --> 00:13:09,447 You got yourself a cold? 247 00:13:12,649 --> 00:13:14,560 Well, that's quite a honk. 248 00:13:14,769 --> 00:13:16,760 - Thank you. - Get yourself some vitamin C... 249 00:13:16,929 --> 00:13:19,921 ...with rose hips and bioflavonoids. 250 00:13:20,849 --> 00:13:23,727 The reason I asked you in here is I caught your appearance... 251 00:13:23,889 --> 00:13:27,518 - ... on Regis and Kathie Lee. - It was pretty good. 252 00:13:30,929 --> 00:13:32,601 And anyway... 253 00:13:32,769 --> 00:13:34,964 ...the thinking here is that it would be best... 254 00:13:35,129 --> 00:13:38,360 ...if you didn't do any more of these shows. 255 00:13:38,529 --> 00:13:40,918 - Because of the coffee thing? - Kramer, I'm sorry. 256 00:13:41,089 --> 00:13:43,478 What about Sonya Live? You're not cancelling Sonya Live. 257 00:13:43,649 --> 00:13:46,288 - It's out- - She's a doctor. I got a thing for her. 258 00:13:53,449 --> 00:13:56,282 Why don't you tell me about some of your previous work experience. 259 00:13:56,529 --> 00:13:58,008 Alrighty. 260 00:13:59,049 --> 00:14:00,880 My last job was in publishing. 261 00:14:01,049 --> 00:14:05,167 I got fired for having sex in my office with the cleaning woman. 262 00:14:06,969 --> 00:14:09,483 - Go on. - All right. Well, before that... 263 00:14:09,649 --> 00:14:12,641 ...I was in real estate. I quit because my boss... 264 00:14:12,809 --> 00:14:16,006 ...wouldn't let me use his private bathroom. That was a- 265 00:14:16,169 --> 00:14:17,727 Do you talk to everybody like this? 266 00:14:18,129 --> 00:14:20,962 - Of course. - My niece told me you were different. 267 00:14:21,889 --> 00:14:23,083 I am different, yeah. 268 00:14:23,249 --> 00:14:25,604 I gotta tell you, you are the complete opposite... 269 00:14:25,769 --> 00:14:27,487 ...of every applicant we've seen. 270 00:14:29,289 --> 00:14:30,881 Mr. Steinbrenner, sir. 271 00:14:31,049 --> 00:14:32,801 There's someone here I'd like you to meet. 272 00:14:32,969 --> 00:14:35,039 This is Mr. Costanza. He's one of the applicants. 273 00:14:36,809 --> 00:14:38,242 Nice to meet you. 274 00:14:38,409 --> 00:14:43,039 Well, I wish I could say the same, but I must say, with all due respect... 275 00:14:43,209 --> 00:14:46,360 ...I find it hard to see the logic behind some of the moves... 276 00:14:46,529 --> 00:14:48,599 ...you have made with this fine organization. 277 00:14:49,169 --> 00:14:52,684 In the past 20 years, you have caused myself and the city of New York... 278 00:14:52,849 --> 00:14:55,682 ...a good deal of distress, as we have watched you... 279 00:14:55,849 --> 00:14:58,204 ...take our beloved Yankees and reduce them... 280 00:14:58,369 --> 00:15:01,202 ...to a laughingstock, all for the glorification... 281 00:15:01,369 --> 00:15:03,246 ...of your massive ego. 282 00:15:04,009 --> 00:15:05,761 Hire this man. 283 00:15:10,049 --> 00:15:12,438 - Tina Robbins is here to see you. - Who's that? 284 00:15:12,609 --> 00:15:15,169 My ex-roommate. She moved out four years ago. 285 00:15:15,329 --> 00:15:17,126 I've been subletting my apartment from her. 286 00:15:17,289 --> 00:15:18,438 - See you. - Yeah. 287 00:15:18,609 --> 00:15:20,839 - Hey. - Please. 288 00:15:21,689 --> 00:15:23,600 - Hi, Tina. - Hi, Elaine. 289 00:15:23,769 --> 00:15:25,885 So I haven't seen you in a while. 290 00:15:26,089 --> 00:15:27,727 Elaine, we have a problem. 291 00:15:28,889 --> 00:15:31,642 - Well, what is it? - You're getting kicked out. 292 00:15:31,809 --> 00:15:34,039 Kicked out? Why? 293 00:15:34,209 --> 00:15:37,167 - There's been a number of complaints. - Yeah? Like what? 294 00:15:37,329 --> 00:15:39,889 Well, like last Thanksgiving you buzzed up a jewel thief. 295 00:15:41,289 --> 00:15:43,325 I didn't know who he was. 296 00:15:43,489 --> 00:15:44,922 That's why there's a buzzer. 297 00:15:45,889 --> 00:15:48,119 - What else? - Apparently, the week after that... 298 00:15:48,289 --> 00:15:50,120 ...you buzzed up some Jehovah's Witnesses... 299 00:15:50,289 --> 00:15:51,768 ...and they couldn't get them out. 300 00:15:51,969 --> 00:15:55,564 - What else you got? - Well, let's see. 301 00:15:57,449 --> 00:16:00,521 I'll tell you what the big advantage of homosexuality is. 302 00:16:01,209 --> 00:16:03,120 If you're going out with someone your size... 303 00:16:03,289 --> 00:16:05,962 ...right there, you double your wardrobe. 304 00:16:07,929 --> 00:16:09,157 - I suppose. - Oh, come on. 305 00:16:09,329 --> 00:16:11,763 That's a huge feature. When they approach a new recruit... 306 00:16:11,929 --> 00:16:14,648 ...I'm sure that's one of the big selling points. 307 00:16:16,489 --> 00:16:18,684 - Jerry. - Yes. 308 00:16:19,729 --> 00:16:21,799 I've been doing a lot of thinking. 309 00:16:22,889 --> 00:16:25,244 I don't think we should see each other anymore. 310 00:16:25,649 --> 00:16:27,207 That's okay. 311 00:16:28,729 --> 00:16:30,765 - What? - It's fine. No problem. 312 00:16:30,929 --> 00:16:33,159 - I'll meet somebody else. - You will? 313 00:16:33,329 --> 00:16:36,605 Sure. See, things always even out for me. 314 00:16:37,409 --> 00:16:41,163 It's fine. Anyway, it's been really nice dating you for a while... 315 00:16:41,489 --> 00:16:45,562 - ... and good luck. - Yeah, you too. 316 00:16:50,249 --> 00:16:54,925 - The New York Yankees? - The New York Yankees. 317 00:16:56,329 --> 00:16:59,526 Ruth, Gehrig, DiMaggio, Mantle... 318 00:16:59,729 --> 00:17:01,560 ...Costanza? 319 00:17:02,129 --> 00:17:04,563 I'm the assistant to the travelling secretary. 320 00:17:04,729 --> 00:17:07,118 I'm going on the road trips. I'll be on the plane. 321 00:17:07,289 --> 00:17:10,122 I'm working in Yankee Stadium. This is a dream. I'm busting. 322 00:17:10,289 --> 00:17:12,678 - Jerry, I'm busting. - I can't believe it. 323 00:17:12,849 --> 00:17:14,043 Yeah. 324 00:17:14,209 --> 00:17:15,403 - Yeah? - It's me. 325 00:17:15,569 --> 00:17:17,480 - Come on up. - I'm out of my parent's house. 326 00:17:17,649 --> 00:17:19,480 I'm taking that apartment on 86th Street. 327 00:17:19,649 --> 00:17:22,607 - That's a great place. - I'm back in business, baby. 328 00:17:23,489 --> 00:17:25,161 Don't get too excited about this stuff. 329 00:17:25,329 --> 00:17:28,048 You know, things have a way of evening out. 330 00:17:28,209 --> 00:17:29,767 Hey! 331 00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:32,119 - Hey, Elaine. - Hi. 332 00:17:32,329 --> 00:17:33,728 How are things going? 333 00:17:33,889 --> 00:17:35,561 You wanna know how things are going? 334 00:17:35,729 --> 00:17:38,197 I'll tell you how things are going. I am getting kicked... 335 00:17:38,369 --> 00:17:41,122 - ... out of my apartment. - Why are they doing that? 336 00:17:41,289 --> 00:17:43,519 I don't know. They have a list of grievances. 337 00:17:43,849 --> 00:17:46,238 - The jewel thief? - Yeah, the jewel thief. 338 00:17:46,409 --> 00:17:48,365 - What else? - I put Canadian quarters... 339 00:17:48,569 --> 00:17:50,480 ...in the washing machine. 340 00:17:51,729 --> 00:17:54,163 I gotta be out by the end of the month. 341 00:17:54,769 --> 00:17:56,964 Well, you could move in with my parents. 342 00:18:01,689 --> 00:18:05,284 Was that the opposite of what you were going to say... 343 00:18:05,449 --> 00:18:08,998 ...or was that just your natural instinct? 344 00:18:09,489 --> 00:18:11,366 Instinct. 345 00:18:12,449 --> 00:18:15,759 Stick with the opposite. 346 00:18:18,209 --> 00:18:21,121 Elaine, don't get too down. Everything will even out. 347 00:18:21,289 --> 00:18:22,847 See, I have two friends. 348 00:18:23,009 --> 00:18:25,000 You were up, he was down. 349 00:18:25,169 --> 00:18:27,558 Now he's up, you're down. 350 00:18:27,729 --> 00:18:29,640 See how it all evens out for me? 351 00:18:33,649 --> 00:18:36,004 Mr. Lippman, the people from Matsushimi are here. 352 00:18:36,169 --> 00:18:39,241 All right. Tell them I'll be right there. 353 00:18:39,409 --> 00:18:41,047 Oh, man. 354 00:18:41,209 --> 00:18:42,688 Well, this is it, Elaine. 355 00:18:42,929 --> 00:18:46,604 You know, without this merger, we'd be out on the street. 356 00:18:47,529 --> 00:18:49,884 Boy, they sure saved us. 357 00:18:52,369 --> 00:18:55,088 Mr. Lippman, you forgot your handkerchief. 358 00:18:55,849 --> 00:18:57,328 Mr. Lippman. 359 00:18:57,809 --> 00:19:00,448 You forgot your handkerchief. It's on my desk. 360 00:19:09,129 --> 00:19:10,960 Lippman-san. 361 00:19:12,929 --> 00:19:14,203 Lippman-san. 362 00:19:18,769 --> 00:19:22,000 Mr. Lippman, it is with great pride that we undertake this partnership... 363 00:19:22,169 --> 00:19:24,000 - ... with your company. - I'm sorry. 364 00:19:24,169 --> 00:19:27,241 I can't shake your hand right now. Germs. 365 00:19:29,769 --> 00:19:31,327 No, I- 366 00:19:38,889 --> 00:19:40,686 - Is that the end of it? - It's the last one. 367 00:19:40,849 --> 00:19:42,840 I can't believe you're moving out. 368 00:19:43,209 --> 00:19:45,165 Kramer, is this true? 369 00:19:45,329 --> 00:19:46,682 Is it really happening? 370 00:19:46,849 --> 00:19:48,680 It's like a dream. 371 00:19:48,849 --> 00:19:52,205 - Oh, it's true. - All right, let's go. 372 00:19:52,409 --> 00:19:54,684 Don't get in trouble with the Yankees. 373 00:19:54,849 --> 00:19:56,487 You be nice. 374 00:19:57,769 --> 00:20:00,203 I'm not gonna be nice. That's how I got the job. 375 00:20:00,369 --> 00:20:03,520 - Jerry, did you hear this? - He knows what he's doing. 376 00:20:04,649 --> 00:20:06,958 I just want the both of you to know... 377 00:20:07,129 --> 00:20:09,006 ...how much you mean to me... 378 00:20:09,169 --> 00:20:12,286 ...and I love you both very, very much. 379 00:20:12,449 --> 00:20:14,519 Opposite. 380 00:20:17,969 --> 00:20:19,721 I must've had eight in my mouth. 381 00:20:19,889 --> 00:20:21,925 I couldn't talk. I couldn't talk. 382 00:20:22,089 --> 00:20:24,045 Why'd you have to eat so many? 383 00:20:24,689 --> 00:20:26,919 Because they're Jujyfruit. I like them. 384 00:20:28,849 --> 00:20:30,965 I didn't know it would start a chain reaction... 385 00:20:31,129 --> 00:20:34,121 ...that would lead to the end of Pendant Publishing. 386 00:20:34,609 --> 00:20:36,520 Not to mention the end of Kramer's book. 387 00:20:36,689 --> 00:20:39,761 You knew he had a cold. How did you expect him to blow his nose? 388 00:20:40,529 --> 00:20:42,440 Do you know what's going on here? 389 00:20:42,609 --> 00:20:44,918 Can't you see what's happened? 390 00:20:45,369 --> 00:20:47,360 I've become George. 391 00:20:48,369 --> 00:20:49,802 Don't say that. 392 00:20:50,009 --> 00:20:53,126 It's true. I'm George. 393 00:20:53,329 --> 00:20:54,762 I'm George. 394 00:20:55,249 --> 00:20:57,285 Greetings, people. Greetings. 395 00:20:57,449 --> 00:20:59,485 Greetings and salutations. 396 00:20:59,969 --> 00:21:02,608 What a beautiful day for a ball game. 397 00:21:02,769 --> 00:21:04,760 Let's play two. 398 00:21:05,449 --> 00:21:07,519 I'll have the chicken salad on rye, my usual. 399 00:21:07,729 --> 00:21:09,401 You know what I get, darling. 400 00:21:10,209 --> 00:21:13,963 So I had a little conversation today with Mr. Don Mattingly. 401 00:21:14,129 --> 00:21:15,767 He's the first baseman. 402 00:21:16,129 --> 00:21:18,802 We talked about his new batting stance. I'm not crazy about it. 403 00:21:18,969 --> 00:21:22,120 But I said, "Donnie, go with it till it stops working." 404 00:21:22,289 --> 00:21:24,007 Donnie Baseball. He's a hell of a guy. 405 00:21:25,089 --> 00:21:27,808 Wait, wait. That's too much. Mine was more than yours. 406 00:21:28,609 --> 00:21:30,520 Let's call it even. 407 00:21:40,529 --> 00:21:43,965 Coffee is a drink that encourages a lot of accessories around it. 408 00:21:44,169 --> 00:21:47,081 Coffee cake, coffee table, coffee table book, klatches of people. 409 00:21:48,889 --> 00:21:51,483 Say what you want about alcohol, but not only aren't there... 410 00:21:51,649 --> 00:21:54,447 ...a lot of optional accessories, alcohol actually helps you... 411 00:21:54,609 --> 00:21:58,079 ...get rid of things. Family, home, job, driver's license. 412 00:21:58,289 --> 00:22:00,564 The only thing you have to remember to get... 413 00:22:00,729 --> 00:22:02,242 ...is more alcohol. 414 00:22:02,409 --> 00:22:04,764 And maybe a rag for your squeegee. 415 00:22:22,889 --> 00:22:24,880 Subtitles by SDl Media Group