1 00:00:05,250 --> 00:00:06,618 I've always wondered why baseball is so associated with sex. 2 00:00:06,786 --> 00:00:10,062 "He's playing the field. He scored. He didn't get to first base." 3 00:00:10,226 --> 00:00:11,898 "I struck out." "Why?" "She wanted a diamond." 4 00:00:12,066 --> 00:00:15,854 It's always baseball. Always baseball. 5 00:00:16,026 --> 00:00:19,462 As far as baseball goes, I prefer the fat umpires. 6 00:00:19,626 --> 00:00:21,662 If you're on the field and not in the game... 7 00:00:21,826 --> 00:00:25,296 ...you should be in the worst physical condition a human could be in. 8 00:00:25,466 --> 00:00:28,697 They should be allowed to eat during the game. 9 00:00:29,706 --> 00:00:32,698 We're too into sports in this country. We gotta throttle back. 10 00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:34,458 People come home from these games: 11 00:00:34,626 --> 00:00:38,016 "We won, we won!" No, they won, you watched. 12 00:00:43,066 --> 00:00:47,298 Okay, Danny. Take a swing. No, no, no. 13 00:00:47,466 --> 00:00:49,661 - You're opening up your shoulder. - Really? 14 00:00:49,826 --> 00:00:53,705 No, not really. I'm just saying this to you because I like to hear myself talk. 15 00:00:53,866 --> 00:00:55,424 Yes, really. 16 00:00:55,586 --> 00:00:57,178 All right, all right. 17 00:00:57,346 --> 00:01:00,144 - What are you all sweating for? - It's hot in this uniform. 18 00:01:00,626 --> 00:01:04,221 - Hot? What is this? - What is what? 19 00:01:04,386 --> 00:01:06,183 This uniform. What's it made from? 20 00:01:06,346 --> 00:01:08,223 - I don't know. Cotton? - No. No, no. 21 00:01:08,386 --> 00:01:10,104 This is not cotton. Here, let me see. 22 00:01:10,266 --> 00:01:12,257 - What are you doing? - I wanna see the label. 23 00:01:12,426 --> 00:01:14,303 Will you stop it? Come on. 24 00:01:15,346 --> 00:01:18,861 - Oh, of course. Polyester! - So? 25 00:01:19,026 --> 00:01:21,824 - I can't believe you're not in cotton. - This is what they give us. 26 00:01:21,986 --> 00:01:24,705 You know they used to make leisure suits out of this fabric? 27 00:01:24,866 --> 00:01:27,175 - You really think cotton is better? - Of course. 28 00:01:27,346 --> 00:01:29,337 All right, maybe I'll say something to Buck. 29 00:01:30,266 --> 00:01:32,985 - Yeah, good idea. Catch you later. - Yeah. 30 00:01:33,146 --> 00:01:34,659 Hey, don't embarrass me today. 31 00:01:34,826 --> 00:01:37,181 I got some friends in the stands. 32 00:01:42,346 --> 00:01:44,860 - Hot dogs here. Yankee franks. - Oh, you want one? 33 00:01:45,026 --> 00:01:46,220 - Yeah. - I'll get it. 34 00:01:46,386 --> 00:01:47,580 - I got it. - Jerry. 35 00:01:47,746 --> 00:01:50,021 - Elaine, stop it. - Just because I'm not working... 36 00:01:50,186 --> 00:01:52,939 ...doesn't mean I don't have any money. Yo. Dogs. Two. 37 00:01:53,106 --> 00:01:54,619 All right. I'm sorry. 38 00:01:54,786 --> 00:01:57,254 Your attention, please. The New York Yank ees... 39 00:01:57,426 --> 00:02:00,577 ...would lik e to welcome Miss Connecticut... 40 00:02:00,746 --> 00:02:04,375 ...Miss Rhode Island and Miss North Dak ota. 41 00:02:04,546 --> 00:02:08,539 Al of whom wil be competing in the Miss America pageant... 42 00:02:08,706 --> 00:02:12,699 ...this week end in Atlantic City. 43 00:02:12,866 --> 00:02:15,938 Now, there's a career path you may have overlooked. 44 00:02:16,106 --> 00:02:19,098 I gotta check my machine. I'm waiting to hear about an interview. 45 00:02:19,266 --> 00:02:23,259 Doubleday is looking for somebody to replace Jackie Onassis. 46 00:02:23,426 --> 00:02:25,735 - She worked at Doubleday? - Yeah, she was an editor. 47 00:02:25,906 --> 00:02:27,578 - Oh, right, just like you. - Yeah. 48 00:02:27,746 --> 00:02:29,225 - Would you move your feet? - Yeah. 49 00:02:29,386 --> 00:02:32,583 - Hey, lady! - Hey, down in front! 50 00:02:32,746 --> 00:02:35,419 - Hey! - Move your feet. 51 00:02:35,946 --> 00:02:38,585 - I'm going. - Come on. 52 00:02:40,866 --> 00:02:42,936 - Hot dog? - No, thanks. 53 00:02:43,106 --> 00:02:46,223 - I'm watching my weight. - I'm watching my height. 54 00:02:46,386 --> 00:02:48,980 My doctor doesn't want me to get any taller. 55 00:02:50,386 --> 00:02:53,264 - So you're Miss...? - Rhode Island. 56 00:02:53,426 --> 00:02:57,135 I was almost Mr. Coffee. They felt I was a little too relaxed. 57 00:02:59,346 --> 00:03:00,620 Miss Rhode Island? 58 00:03:01,146 --> 00:03:03,660 - When are you seeing her? - Tonight. I have to call her. 59 00:03:03,826 --> 00:03:05,259 She's staying in a hotel. 60 00:03:05,426 --> 00:03:07,257 - You're incredible. - And get this: 61 00:03:07,426 --> 00:03:09,257 I'm working Atlantic City this weekend. 62 00:03:09,426 --> 00:03:11,178 She's gonna be there for the pageant. 63 00:03:11,346 --> 00:03:15,339 What if she becomes Miss America? You could be dating Miss America. 64 00:03:15,506 --> 00:03:18,100 The only bad thing is we have to go out with a chaperone. 65 00:03:18,266 --> 00:03:20,177 Chaperone? What, are you kidding? 66 00:03:20,346 --> 00:03:22,906 - No. It's contest rules. - What does the chaperone do? 67 00:03:23,066 --> 00:03:25,421 I don't know. She just sits there. 68 00:03:26,666 --> 00:03:30,500 - Can she talk? - I'm not sure if she's allowed to talk. 69 00:03:31,106 --> 00:03:33,222 - Are you calling her? - Yeah. 70 00:03:37,106 --> 00:03:39,700 Yes. Room 417, please. Karen Hanson. 71 00:03:39,866 --> 00:03:42,938 Hey, did you know the Yankees don't wear cotton jerseys? 72 00:03:43,106 --> 00:03:44,664 Of course. They're polyester. 73 00:03:44,826 --> 00:03:47,499 Well, what is that? That's a crime. 74 00:03:47,666 --> 00:03:50,658 You know how hot those things get? They should be wearing cotton. 75 00:03:50,826 --> 00:03:52,942 - Why do they wear polyester? - I don't know. 76 00:03:53,106 --> 00:03:54,585 That's all gonna change. 77 00:03:56,266 --> 00:03:58,905 - You're gonna do something about it? - Why shouldn't I? 78 00:04:00,266 --> 00:04:02,063 No reason. 79 00:04:05,506 --> 00:04:08,862 Of course, Jackie O was a great lady. 80 00:04:09,026 --> 00:04:11,938 Those are gonna be some tough shoes to fill. 81 00:04:12,106 --> 00:04:14,301 Everyone loved her. 82 00:04:14,466 --> 00:04:16,104 She had such... 83 00:04:16,266 --> 00:04:19,019 - ... grace. - Yes! 84 00:04:20,946 --> 00:04:23,904 - Grace! - Not many people have grace. 85 00:04:24,706 --> 00:04:27,220 Well, you know, grace is a tough one. 86 00:04:27,386 --> 00:04:29,377 I like to think I have a little grace. 87 00:04:29,546 --> 00:04:32,663 - Not as much as Jackie O, but- - You can't have a little grace. 88 00:04:32,826 --> 00:04:36,705 You either have grace or you don't. 89 00:04:38,346 --> 00:04:41,577 Okay, fine. I have no grace. 90 00:04:42,786 --> 00:04:44,856 And you can't acquire grace. 91 00:04:45,026 --> 00:04:48,382 Well, I have no intention of getting grace. 92 00:04:48,546 --> 00:04:51,663 Grace isn't something you can pick up at the market. 93 00:04:51,826 --> 00:04:55,705 All right, look. I don't have grace, I don't want grace... 94 00:04:55,866 --> 00:04:58,300 ...I don't even say grace, okay? 95 00:05:01,026 --> 00:05:03,699 - Thank you for coming in. - Yeah, yeah, right. 96 00:05:05,506 --> 00:05:09,465 We'll make our choice in a few days and we'll let you know. 97 00:05:09,626 --> 00:05:12,379 - I have no chance, do I? - No. 98 00:05:12,546 --> 00:05:14,184 All right. Thanks. 99 00:05:14,346 --> 00:05:16,098 Justin Pitt to see you. 100 00:05:16,266 --> 00:05:19,099 - Justin Pitt? - He was a very close friend... 101 00:05:19,266 --> 00:05:20,540 ...of Mrs. Onassis'. 102 00:05:20,706 --> 00:05:23,425 Mrs. Onassis'. That's hard to pronounce. 103 00:05:23,586 --> 00:05:26,225 - Excuse me? - Nothing, nothing. 104 00:05:26,386 --> 00:05:29,264 Mrs. Landis, there's something wrong with this copying machine. 105 00:05:29,426 --> 00:05:30,939 It's all coming out slanted. 106 00:05:31,106 --> 00:05:34,621 Now, I don't know if this is your department or not. 107 00:05:34,786 --> 00:05:37,983 Justin Pitt, this is Elaine Benes. 108 00:05:44,306 --> 00:05:45,819 Charmed. 109 00:05:46,466 --> 00:05:51,256 I was a great admirer of Mrs. Onassis. 110 00:05:53,506 --> 00:05:56,703 Hello, Karen? Hi, it's Jerry Seinfeld. 111 00:05:56,866 --> 00:05:58,538 Oh, that's very sweet of you. 112 00:05:58,706 --> 00:06:01,300 You better be careful. You don't wanna get too congenial. 113 00:06:01,466 --> 00:06:03,582 They'll slap that Miss Congeniality on you... 114 00:06:03,746 --> 00:06:07,022 ...you'll congenial yourself right out of the contest. 115 00:06:08,626 --> 00:06:11,299 So, what time you wanna get together later? 116 00:06:11,706 --> 00:06:13,025 What? 117 00:06:13,186 --> 00:06:14,938 So what? We don't need the chaperone. 118 00:06:15,106 --> 00:06:16,380 Her chaperone can't make it. 119 00:06:17,666 --> 00:06:20,499 Oh, you're not gonna get disqualified. 120 00:06:20,666 --> 00:06:22,577 So we're not going? 121 00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:25,582 Come on. Hold on one second. 122 00:06:25,746 --> 00:06:27,976 - Hey, what are you doing tonight? - Nothing. 123 00:06:28,866 --> 00:06:31,585 I'm going out with a Miss America contestant. You wanna go? 124 00:06:31,746 --> 00:06:33,816 What state? 125 00:06:37,146 --> 00:06:38,420 Rhode Island. 126 00:06:38,586 --> 00:06:40,304 They're never in contention. 127 00:06:41,506 --> 00:06:42,780 How do you know? 128 00:06:42,946 --> 00:06:45,824 Because I've seen every Miss America pageant since I was 6. 129 00:06:45,986 --> 00:06:47,977 Do you wanna go or not? I'll buy you dinner. 130 00:06:48,146 --> 00:06:50,706 - Giddyup. - I think I got someone. 131 00:06:56,626 --> 00:06:59,345 The resemblance is uncanny. 132 00:07:02,546 --> 00:07:03,979 Even the brown eyes. 133 00:07:04,146 --> 00:07:06,865 Well, a lot of people have brown eyes. 134 00:07:07,026 --> 00:07:11,622 No, there's something else. An indefinable quality. 135 00:07:12,026 --> 00:07:13,823 Grace? 136 00:07:14,306 --> 00:07:15,580 Grace, yes. 137 00:07:16,466 --> 00:07:18,696 You think I have grace? 138 00:07:19,266 --> 00:07:22,099 - Some grace, yes. - Just some? 139 00:07:22,266 --> 00:07:25,064 You don't want too much grace, or you won't be able to stand. 140 00:07:28,866 --> 00:07:30,777 Oh, Mr. Pitt. 141 00:07:31,906 --> 00:07:36,297 Elaine, I want you to come and work for me as my personal assistant. 142 00:07:36,466 --> 00:07:38,536 Now, I'll pay you the same as Pendant... 143 00:07:38,706 --> 00:07:41,504 ...but I would need you to start right away. 144 00:07:45,626 --> 00:07:48,015 Hey, Buck. Talk to you for a second? 145 00:07:48,186 --> 00:07:50,142 Sure, George. 146 00:07:50,306 --> 00:07:52,183 How's everything going? Everything okay? 147 00:07:52,346 --> 00:07:55,656 Well, all of a sudden, there's a problem with Tartabull's swing, but... 148 00:07:57,986 --> 00:08:00,625 Listen, Buck, obviously I don't need to talk to you... 149 00:08:00,786 --> 00:08:04,142 ...about the importance of player morale. 150 00:08:04,306 --> 00:08:06,297 But I've been talking to some of the guys... 151 00:08:06,466 --> 00:08:09,902 ...I don't wanna mention any names, but some of them aren't too happy... 152 00:08:10,066 --> 00:08:12,341 ...with the polyester uniforms. 153 00:08:12,506 --> 00:08:15,862 - How so? - They get very hot in the polyester. 154 00:08:16,026 --> 00:08:18,256 It's not a natural fibre. 155 00:08:18,426 --> 00:08:20,815 I think they would prefer cotton. 156 00:08:21,826 --> 00:08:24,545 - Cotton, huh? - Cotton breathes. 157 00:08:24,706 --> 00:08:26,697 See, it's much softer. 158 00:08:26,866 --> 00:08:28,140 Imagine playing games... 159 00:08:28,306 --> 00:08:30,695 ...and your team is 5 degrees cooler than the other. 160 00:08:30,866 --> 00:08:32,618 Don't you think that's an advantage? 161 00:08:32,786 --> 00:08:35,505 They're cooler, they're more comfortable, they're happier... 162 00:08:35,666 --> 00:08:36,985 ...they're gonna play better. 163 00:08:37,146 --> 00:08:40,775 - You may have something there. - Oh, I've got something. 164 00:08:41,826 --> 00:08:43,737 Cotton uniforms. 165 00:08:44,826 --> 00:08:46,145 Congratulations. 166 00:08:46,306 --> 00:08:50,219 Yeah. And the best part is I still get to look for work in publishing. 167 00:08:50,386 --> 00:08:54,299 - Now, what is it that you do, exactly? - I attend to his personal affairs. 168 00:08:55,026 --> 00:08:56,618 Like what? 169 00:08:57,426 --> 00:09:00,338 Well, like tomorrow, for example, I... 170 00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:04,062 - I have to buy him some socks. - Really? 171 00:09:04,226 --> 00:09:06,137 - Socks. - Yeah. 172 00:09:06,306 --> 00:09:08,217 White ones. Ones you wear with sneakers. 173 00:09:08,386 --> 00:09:10,138 Maybe you could pick me up underwear. 174 00:09:13,106 --> 00:09:15,666 So, what do you think? Does this work? 175 00:09:16,226 --> 00:09:18,581 Listen, tonight, after we finish eating... 176 00:09:18,746 --> 00:09:20,737 ...make like you got something else to do... 177 00:09:20,906 --> 00:09:23,340 ...and recede into the night, if you know what I mean. 178 00:09:23,506 --> 00:09:25,417 No way. 179 00:09:25,746 --> 00:09:28,260 - What? - If you think I'm gonna step aside... 180 00:09:28,426 --> 00:09:30,621 ...while you defile this woman, you're crazy. 181 00:09:30,786 --> 00:09:32,856 I'm not going to defile her. 182 00:09:33,026 --> 00:09:35,176 Right, because I'm gonna see it doesn't happen. 183 00:09:35,346 --> 00:09:37,177 These girls are Miss America contestants. 184 00:09:37,346 --> 00:09:38,779 It's every little girl's dream. 185 00:09:38,946 --> 00:09:40,857 I'm not gonna let you trample that dream... 186 00:09:41,026 --> 00:09:43,460 ...and make a mockery of all the pageant stands for. 187 00:09:43,626 --> 00:09:45,617 No buts. 188 00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:47,378 - Those are my rules. - Wait a minute. 189 00:09:47,546 --> 00:09:50,458 If you wanna have some good, wholesome fun with a nice girl... 190 00:09:50,626 --> 00:09:53,265 ...I'll help you. If you're looking for something more... 191 00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:55,382 - ... you got the wrong guy. - It's just- 192 00:10:00,786 --> 00:10:02,060 If you were Miss America... 193 00:10:02,226 --> 00:10:05,502 ...what would you do to make the world a better place? 194 00:10:06,666 --> 00:10:08,463 As Miss America... 195 00:10:08,626 --> 00:10:12,062 ...I would try and bring an end to world hunger. 196 00:10:12,226 --> 00:10:14,581 If every person sacrificed one meal a week... 197 00:10:14,746 --> 00:10:17,624 ...there would be enough to feed the whole world. 198 00:10:17,786 --> 00:10:19,663 That's a hell of a plan. Listen- 199 00:10:19,826 --> 00:10:21,782 What advice would you give young people? 200 00:10:21,946 --> 00:10:23,265 All right, Kramer. 201 00:10:23,426 --> 00:10:26,304 This is important. She must be able to answer these questions. 202 00:10:26,466 --> 00:10:30,015 She's not gonna have time to think with millions of people watching her. 203 00:10:30,186 --> 00:10:33,303 Any hesitation could cost her the crown. You know, poise counts. 204 00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:35,934 - You know a lot about this. - Yeah, like last year... 205 00:10:36,106 --> 00:10:37,744 ...Miss Texas should have won easily. 206 00:10:37,906 --> 00:10:40,101 But she lost points in the swimsuit competition. 207 00:10:40,266 --> 00:10:42,700 - What could she have done? - Tape her breasts together. 208 00:10:46,706 --> 00:10:49,459 - What else? - All right, take you for example. 209 00:10:49,626 --> 00:10:51,856 You're very attractive, but you got a big waist. 210 00:10:52,026 --> 00:10:54,904 - Hey, come on! - No, no, no, it's okay. 211 00:10:55,066 --> 00:10:56,977 - Go on. - Well... 212 00:10:57,146 --> 00:10:58,898 ...I'd recommend a waist cincher. 213 00:10:59,066 --> 00:11:02,297 - Really? - Oh, yeah. Just... suck you in. 214 00:11:02,466 --> 00:11:05,139 All right. I'll be right back. 215 00:11:07,706 --> 00:11:10,425 - So, what's your talent? - Magic. 216 00:11:10,586 --> 00:11:12,861 I'm thinking of a number from one to 10. 217 00:11:13,346 --> 00:11:14,620 Six. 218 00:11:14,786 --> 00:11:16,299 No, five. 219 00:11:16,466 --> 00:11:18,377 But you were close. 220 00:11:19,186 --> 00:11:20,778 And the Yank ees tak e the field. 221 00:11:20,946 --> 00:11:24,063 Is it my imagination or the Yank ees look a little different tonight? 222 00:11:24,226 --> 00:11:26,786 - I can't put my finger on it. - From what I understand... 223 00:11:26,946 --> 00:11:28,584 ...they switched to cotton uniforms. 224 00:11:28,746 --> 00:11:30,941 Wel, they say it's softer. 225 00:11:31,106 --> 00:11:33,666 Wel, it is a natural fibre. 226 00:11:35,906 --> 00:11:37,180 How's your eveningwear? 227 00:11:37,866 --> 00:11:40,061 - Well, I'm wearing this red- - Stop right there. 228 00:11:40,226 --> 00:11:41,500 - No good? - Disaster. 229 00:11:41,666 --> 00:11:43,702 - Why? - Well, you got brown eyes. 230 00:11:43,866 --> 00:11:48,337 - You wanna wear a green dress. - That makes sense. 231 00:11:49,666 --> 00:11:51,861 Well, here we are. 232 00:11:52,026 --> 00:11:57,305 Kramer, would you consider being my personal consultant for the pageant? 233 00:11:59,106 --> 00:12:01,666 Okay. But if I'm gonna do this... 234 00:12:01,826 --> 00:12:03,976 ...we play by my rules or we don't play at all. 235 00:12:04,146 --> 00:12:06,057 I am in your hands. 236 00:12:08,026 --> 00:12:09,584 Well... 237 00:12:10,706 --> 00:12:12,617 Good night, Jerry. 238 00:12:18,666 --> 00:12:20,941 - Kenneth will take you home. - Yeah. 239 00:12:26,426 --> 00:12:28,417 Oh, shut the **** up. 240 00:12:41,666 --> 00:12:44,339 - Hey. - Well, if it isn't Mr. Blackwell. 241 00:12:44,506 --> 00:12:45,780 Oh, come on. 242 00:12:45,946 --> 00:12:48,335 And that waist cincher, that was the topper. 243 00:12:48,506 --> 00:12:53,022 - Oh, you're pooh-poohing? - Yes, I pooh-pooh. 244 00:12:53,186 --> 00:12:54,744 Well, let me tell you something. 245 00:12:54,906 --> 00:12:57,739 I'm taking this kid to the top. To the top, Jerry. 246 00:12:57,906 --> 00:13:00,704 We're going for the crown, and you can't stop her. 247 00:13:00,866 --> 00:13:03,744 - I don't wanna stop her. - You can't stop her, Jerry! 248 00:13:03,906 --> 00:13:07,455 Oh, I've seen them come and go, but this kid has got something. 249 00:13:07,626 --> 00:13:08,900 Yeah, so do you. 250 00:13:10,786 --> 00:13:12,663 - Well, did you see it? - See what? 251 00:13:12,826 --> 00:13:15,101 The uniforms! Did you see how they played? 252 00:13:15,266 --> 00:13:18,736 Listen to these comments. "Wade Boggs, 'What a fabric. 253 00:13:18,906 --> 00:13:21,056 Finally, we can breathe. ' 254 00:13:21,226 --> 00:13:23,786 Luis Polonia, 'Cotton is king. ' 255 00:13:23,946 --> 00:13:28,224 Paul O'Neill, 'I never dreamed anything could be so soft and fluffy."' 256 00:13:29,986 --> 00:13:32,705 - Boy, they really sound comfortable. - Hey, where you going? 257 00:13:32,866 --> 00:13:34,458 - I'm working Atlantic City. - Really? 258 00:13:34,626 --> 00:13:36,856 Hey, you're not working. Why don't you come down. 259 00:13:37,026 --> 00:13:38,823 Atlantic City? 260 00:13:38,986 --> 00:13:40,544 Yes. Yes. 261 00:13:40,706 --> 00:13:43,379 I will go to Atlantic City. I'm in. I'm down. 262 00:13:43,906 --> 00:13:45,817 Maybe Elaine wants to go. Let me call her. 263 00:13:45,986 --> 00:13:47,897 She's at Mr. Pitt's. I got the number. 264 00:13:48,786 --> 00:13:50,219 So, what do you think? 265 00:13:53,586 --> 00:13:55,338 - No. - What-? 266 00:13:55,506 --> 00:13:58,145 - You don't like them? - No, I don't like them. 267 00:13:59,626 --> 00:14:01,537 - What's wrong? - They're too tight. 268 00:14:01,706 --> 00:14:03,537 - Too tight? - There's no elastic. 269 00:14:03,706 --> 00:14:05,981 You need to pull too much. 270 00:14:06,146 --> 00:14:07,499 I think they look good. 271 00:14:07,666 --> 00:14:10,134 They're cutting off the circulation. 272 00:14:10,306 --> 00:14:12,137 All right. I'll take them back. 273 00:14:16,106 --> 00:14:19,735 - Hello? - Hi, Mr. Pitt. Is Elaine there? 274 00:14:23,386 --> 00:14:25,138 It's for you. 275 00:14:26,586 --> 00:14:28,224 Sorry. 276 00:14:28,386 --> 00:14:30,946 - Hello? - Hey, Elaine, it's me. 277 00:14:31,106 --> 00:14:33,939 - Jerry. - Yeah. We're going to Atlantic City. 278 00:14:34,106 --> 00:14:38,019 - Really? When? - Today. Right now. You in? 279 00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:41,776 One second, one second. Hang on, hang on. 280 00:14:42,386 --> 00:14:47,414 Excuse me, Mr. Pitt. Would it be all right if I got the socks tomorrow? 281 00:14:48,026 --> 00:14:49,823 - Tomorrow? - Yes. 282 00:14:49,986 --> 00:14:53,103 I was hoping for my new socks today. 283 00:14:53,266 --> 00:14:58,340 - Well, it's just one more day. - I'm sorry. I must have them today. 284 00:15:02,826 --> 00:15:04,703 I can't go. 285 00:15:06,706 --> 00:15:09,140 - Why not? - Because I have to return the socks... 286 00:15:09,306 --> 00:15:12,218 - ... and get different ones. - Elaine! 287 00:15:12,386 --> 00:15:14,058 I gotta go. 288 00:15:21,186 --> 00:15:22,699 No. 289 00:15:23,266 --> 00:15:25,222 All right, watch me. 290 00:15:31,266 --> 00:15:33,496 Turn. Back. 291 00:15:33,666 --> 00:15:35,543 Head up. Shoulders back. 292 00:15:35,706 --> 00:15:39,415 - Posture. See? Posture. - Yes, I see. Okay. 293 00:15:39,986 --> 00:15:42,864 All right, let's try a few more questions. All right? 294 00:15:44,346 --> 00:15:47,179 "If you were Miss America and the U.S. was on the brink... 295 00:15:47,346 --> 00:15:50,622 ...of a nuclear war and the only way the conflict could be averted... 296 00:15:50,786 --> 00:15:53,983 ...was if you agreed to sleep with the enemy's leader... 297 00:15:54,466 --> 00:15:55,740 ...what would you do?" 298 00:15:55,906 --> 00:15:58,181 Kramer, are these questions really that important? 299 00:15:58,346 --> 00:15:59,825 Yes, they're important! 300 00:15:59,986 --> 00:16:03,342 If you stumble, if you hesitate, you can kiss the crown goodbye. 301 00:16:03,506 --> 00:16:07,897 Now, if I told you once, I've told you a thousand times, poise counts! 302 00:16:08,066 --> 00:16:10,057 It's just as important as the others. 303 00:16:10,226 --> 00:16:14,822 Swimsuit, eveningwear, talent, poise! 304 00:16:17,706 --> 00:16:19,981 - Hey. How was the show? - Good. How was roulette? 305 00:16:20,146 --> 00:16:23,741 I won 50 bucks. This is great. Too bad Elaine's not here. 306 00:16:23,906 --> 00:16:26,784 Yeah. All she had to do was buy Mr. Pitt a pair of socks. 307 00:16:27,506 --> 00:16:30,066 - It's good, but- - But what? 308 00:16:30,226 --> 00:16:33,901 - Ultimately, I don't think they'll stay up. - No. No, they'll stay up. 309 00:16:34,066 --> 00:16:35,977 For a while, yes, but not in the long run. 310 00:16:36,146 --> 00:16:38,057 But that's why I got you the tighter ones. 311 00:16:38,226 --> 00:16:40,694 Forget about those! 312 00:16:40,946 --> 00:16:43,744 - Why do you keep mentioning those? - What do you want? 313 00:16:43,906 --> 00:16:46,136 I want a decent sock that's comfortable... 314 00:16:46,306 --> 00:16:47,898 ...that will stay on my foot! 315 00:17:01,786 --> 00:17:05,620 - What the hell is that? - I don't know. It sounds like pigeons. 316 00:17:06,306 --> 00:17:08,581 - Well, I can't sleep with that noise. - Me either. 317 00:17:08,746 --> 00:17:11,419 Is there anything you can do to shut them up? 318 00:17:11,586 --> 00:17:13,497 Wait a second. 319 00:17:14,426 --> 00:17:16,496 This will scare them off. 320 00:17:26,306 --> 00:17:29,457 - Well, good night, Ollie. - Good night, Stan. 321 00:17:34,746 --> 00:17:37,544 - What is it? - My doves. They're dead. 322 00:17:37,706 --> 00:17:39,776 I trained those birds for eight years. 323 00:17:39,946 --> 00:17:41,902 How am I supposed to do my magic act now? 324 00:17:42,066 --> 00:17:44,136 - How did this happen? - They like it outside... 325 00:17:44,306 --> 00:17:46,342 ...so I kept them in a cage on the terrace... 326 00:17:46,506 --> 00:17:49,145 ...then I found them dead in a pool of water. 327 00:17:52,866 --> 00:17:55,903 - But how did this happen? - It must have been an accident. 328 00:17:56,066 --> 00:17:57,977 Accident? 329 00:17:59,186 --> 00:18:01,461 This was no accident. 330 00:18:02,146 --> 00:18:04,614 These doves were murdered. 331 00:18:09,986 --> 00:18:13,023 Well, that's it. She's out of the pageant. 332 00:18:13,626 --> 00:18:16,857 - What? Why? What happened? - Her birds are dead. 333 00:18:17,666 --> 00:18:19,099 - Birds? - Yeah, birds. 334 00:18:19,266 --> 00:18:21,496 She's got trained doves. She does a magic act. 335 00:18:21,666 --> 00:18:24,180 That was her talent for the pageant. 336 00:18:24,346 --> 00:18:27,895 You know what I think, Jerry? I think somebody murdered those doves. 337 00:18:28,426 --> 00:18:30,462 Somebody wanted her out of that contest bad. 338 00:18:30,626 --> 00:18:32,901 Somebody who was just eaten up with jealousy. 339 00:18:33,066 --> 00:18:37,025 Somebody who couldn't stand to have the spotlight taken off of them. 340 00:18:39,986 --> 00:18:41,578 What are you looking at? 341 00:18:44,186 --> 00:18:45,665 Oh, that. We... 342 00:18:45,826 --> 00:18:48,021 We had to leave that outside last night... 343 00:18:48,186 --> 00:18:51,576 ...because the water was making the room too cold. 344 00:18:53,146 --> 00:18:54,784 That's... 345 00:18:55,346 --> 00:18:57,382 - You killed them. - No. You don't understand. 346 00:18:57,546 --> 00:18:59,537 It's not what you think. It was an accident. 347 00:18:59,706 --> 00:19:02,618 Don't think that you've won, you haven't. This kid is a fighter. 348 00:19:02,786 --> 00:19:06,017 And if you think I'm gonna let a couple of dead birds get in our way... 349 00:19:06,186 --> 00:19:07,904 - ... you're crazy! - Kramer, you gotta- 350 00:19:11,986 --> 00:19:14,375 What was that all about? 351 00:19:14,546 --> 00:19:17,583 It was Kramer. Apparently I killed Miss Rhode Island's doves... 352 00:19:17,746 --> 00:19:19,498 ...with the bucket of water last night. 353 00:19:26,786 --> 00:19:28,981 Ladies and gentlemen, that was Miss Texas. 354 00:19:29,466 --> 00:19:30,945 Wasn't she wonderful? 355 00:19:31,106 --> 00:19:34,542 And now, continuing with the talent portion of the competition... 356 00:19:34,706 --> 00:19:36,776 - Okay, this is it. - How you feeling? 357 00:19:36,946 --> 00:19:39,665 - I'm a little nervous. - There's nothing to be nervous about. 358 00:19:39,826 --> 00:19:42,386 But I've never sung before in my life. 359 00:19:42,946 --> 00:19:46,063 And now, let's welcome Karen Ann Hanson... 360 00:19:46,226 --> 00:19:48,421 ...Miss Rhode Island. 361 00:20:14,706 --> 00:20:17,903 I heard those doves were really incredible. 362 00:20:18,066 --> 00:20:20,057 That's a shame. 363 00:20:25,866 --> 00:20:28,380 It's like watching an animal get tortured. 364 00:20:30,106 --> 00:20:33,382 - Hey, hey. Yankee game. - Oh, great. All right. 365 00:20:33,546 --> 00:20:34,979 And the Yank ees tak e the field. 366 00:20:35,146 --> 00:20:38,456 What is with the Yank ees? They look lik e they're having trouble running. 367 00:20:38,626 --> 00:20:41,379 - They can't move. - It's their uniforms. They're too tight. 368 00:20:41,546 --> 00:20:44,458 They've shrunk. They're running lik e penguins. Forget this game. 369 00:20:44,626 --> 00:20:47,902 Oh, my God, Mattingly just split his pants. 370 00:20:48,946 --> 00:20:51,062 That's a shame. 371 00:20:57,786 --> 00:21:00,141 Poise. Poise. 372 00:21:10,586 --> 00:21:13,817 The Miss America pageant seems like a really tough contest. 373 00:21:13,986 --> 00:21:17,183 You come out there in the bathing suit and the dress shoes. 374 00:21:17,346 --> 00:21:19,576 They got that sanitized-for-your-protection... 375 00:21:19,746 --> 00:21:22,544 ...toilet-seat thing hanging off them, you know? 376 00:21:22,706 --> 00:21:25,539 Plus, they gotta wear all the other outfits. I don't know why. 377 00:21:25,706 --> 00:21:27,901 The bathing suit is the contest. 378 00:21:28,066 --> 00:21:29,897 You win the bathing suit, you win. 379 00:21:30,066 --> 00:21:33,183 Everybody looks good in formalwear. It's dark, it covers everything. 380 00:21:33,346 --> 00:21:35,257 That's why we have weddings in it. 381 00:21:35,426 --> 00:21:37,223 If we had weddings in bathing suits... 382 00:21:37,386 --> 00:21:39,217 ...a lot of ceremonies wouldn't get past: 383 00:21:39,386 --> 00:21:40,705 "If anyone sees any reason... 384 00:21:40,866 --> 00:21:43,744 ...why these two people should not be joined together..." 385 00:21:43,906 --> 00:21:46,215 About 80 hands go up. 386 00:21:52,826 --> 00:21:53,815 Subtitles by SDl Media Group