1 00:00:02,569 --> 00:00:04,685 There's something insincere about greeting cards. 2 00:00:06,209 --> 00:00:08,598 They're like these little $1 folded-paper... 3 00:00:08,769 --> 00:00:10,999 ...emotional prostitutes, isn't it? 4 00:00:11,169 --> 00:00:14,684 "I don't know what my feelings are, so I'll pay some total stranger a buck... 5 00:00:14,849 --> 00:00:18,364 ...to make up this little Hallmark hooker to do the job for me. 6 00:00:18,529 --> 00:00:20,520 So I can go, 'Here, I didn't write this... 7 00:00:20,689 --> 00:00:24,045 ...but whatever they wrote, I think the same thing."' 8 00:00:24,209 --> 00:00:26,006 Wouldn't it be better to have one card... 9 00:00:26,169 --> 00:00:28,842 ...that covered every occasion for everybody in one shot? 10 00:00:29,009 --> 00:00:32,206 "Happy birthday, merry Christmas, happy anniversary, congratulations... 11 00:00:32,369 --> 00:00:34,519 ...it's a boy and our deepest sympathies." 12 00:00:34,689 --> 00:00:37,487 Signed, "The whole office." 13 00:00:41,649 --> 00:00:43,879 She was hitting on you? 14 00:00:44,049 --> 00:00:45,960 My friend Noreen? 15 00:00:46,129 --> 00:00:47,642 Your friend Noreen. 16 00:00:47,809 --> 00:00:50,721 - Sure you're not flattering yourself? - If I was flattering myself... 17 00:00:50,889 --> 00:00:54,438 ...I think I'd come up with someone a little less annoying than Noreen. 18 00:00:54,809 --> 00:00:57,642 I cannot believe that she was hitting on you. 19 00:00:57,809 --> 00:01:01,722 - If you don't believe me, ask her. - Besides, she's got a boyfriend. 20 00:01:01,889 --> 00:01:05,643 You know him, Dan. Remember, we went to that party at his house? 21 00:01:05,809 --> 00:01:07,959 - The guy with the really high voice. - Yeah. 22 00:01:09,249 --> 00:01:11,638 Jerry, did you get my Fortune magazine in your mail? 23 00:01:11,809 --> 00:01:13,242 Check the pile. 24 00:01:14,649 --> 00:01:15,843 Yeah, yeah. 25 00:01:17,209 --> 00:01:19,086 - Who sent you a card? - I don't know. 26 00:01:19,249 --> 00:01:20,921 Open it. It's from Hallmark. 27 00:01:22,689 --> 00:01:26,284 - Hello, my love. - Hello, darling. 28 00:01:26,609 --> 00:01:28,600 Isn't that cute. A thank-you card from Kristin. 29 00:01:28,769 --> 00:01:30,202 Let me see. 30 00:01:30,769 --> 00:01:32,043 - Who's Kristin? - Works for PBS. 31 00:01:32,209 --> 00:01:34,120 Met her when I agreed to do the pledge drive. 32 00:01:34,289 --> 00:01:35,483 Did you ask her about me? 33 00:01:35,649 --> 00:01:39,164 Yeah. In fact, she said that you could sit in the back and answer the phone. 34 00:01:39,769 --> 00:01:42,237 Giddyup! All right. So now, how does that work? 35 00:01:42,409 --> 00:01:45,321 What, I get a percentage of every pledge I bring in, right? 36 00:01:45,769 --> 00:01:49,079 No. It's not aluminium siding. It's volunteer work. 37 00:01:49,249 --> 00:01:51,205 All the money goes to the station. 38 00:01:51,369 --> 00:01:54,088 Okay, yeah. That sounds good. But I still get a tote bag, right? 39 00:01:54,249 --> 00:01:56,319 Yeah, and one of those foam beer-can holders. 40 00:02:00,529 --> 00:02:02,087 You know what I'm doing? 41 00:02:02,249 --> 00:02:04,365 - I'm calling Noreen. - Go ahead. 42 00:02:04,529 --> 00:02:07,680 - You sure you don't mind? - Like she'll admit she was flirting. 43 00:02:10,769 --> 00:02:12,680 - Helo? - Hi. It's Elaine. 44 00:02:12,849 --> 00:02:16,125 - Listen, I was just talking to Jerry. - Jerry? 45 00:02:16,289 --> 00:02:20,328 - Jerry Seinfeld. - Oh, I lik e Jerry a lot. 46 00:02:20,489 --> 00:02:24,323 - You mean "like"like? - What are you talking about? 47 00:02:24,849 --> 00:02:27,727 Noreen, were you hitting on him? 48 00:02:27,889 --> 00:02:29,686 Noreen's not here. 49 00:02:29,849 --> 00:02:31,077 This is Dan. 50 00:02:34,049 --> 00:02:36,927 Did you say that Noreen was hitting on Jerry Seinfeld? 51 00:02:37,089 --> 00:02:39,603 I'll call you back later. 52 00:02:41,089 --> 00:02:44,365 So was I right? She likes me, right? 53 00:02:49,729 --> 00:02:51,481 Hello. 54 00:02:53,809 --> 00:02:57,006 It's for you. Must you keep giving my number out? 55 00:02:57,169 --> 00:02:59,888 Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Pitt. 56 00:03:01,169 --> 00:03:03,922 - Hello. - Elaine, what is going on? 57 00:03:04,089 --> 00:03:07,081 Why did you tell Dan I was hitting on Jerry Seinfeld? 58 00:03:07,249 --> 00:03:10,127 - Is this Noreen? - What would ever possess you... 59 00:03:10,289 --> 00:03:11,881 ...to make up a story like that? 60 00:03:12,049 --> 00:03:15,678 Well, listen, Jerry mentioned it, and I didn't believe- 61 00:03:15,849 --> 00:03:18,044 I think I deserve an explanation. 62 00:03:18,769 --> 00:03:21,158 Noreen, are you crying? 63 00:03:22,249 --> 00:03:25,321 No, this is Dan. 64 00:03:27,089 --> 00:03:29,045 - Hi, Dan. - Elaine? 65 00:03:29,649 --> 00:03:31,526 Work? 66 00:03:32,009 --> 00:03:34,569 Tell Noreen I'll just call her back later. 67 00:03:35,569 --> 00:03:36,763 Who was crying? 68 00:03:36,929 --> 00:03:39,568 No one. I'm sorry, Mr. Pitt. That won't happen again. 69 00:03:39,729 --> 00:03:42,880 I'm sure it won't. But someone was crying... 70 00:03:43,049 --> 00:03:44,448 ...and I want to know who it was. 71 00:03:45,289 --> 00:03:47,325 Well, it's a long story, okay? 72 00:03:47,489 --> 00:03:51,243 But my stupid friend Jerry told my other friend Noreen... 73 00:03:51,409 --> 00:03:53,718 ...that she was... 74 00:03:56,769 --> 00:03:57,963 ...you know, hitting on him. 75 00:03:58,129 --> 00:04:02,919 And so I called her to see what was going on... 76 00:04:03,089 --> 00:04:06,206 ...and I accidentally got her boyfriend, who is this... 77 00:04:06,649 --> 00:04:08,446 ...you know... 78 00:04:10,849 --> 00:04:13,727 I'm Jerry Seinfeld. I tell jokes for a living... 79 00:04:13,889 --> 00:04:18,041 ...but there's no joking about the financial crisis at PBS. 80 00:04:18,209 --> 00:04:19,847 Show us you care. 81 00:04:20,009 --> 00:04:22,921 Call in your pledge now. 82 00:04:23,089 --> 00:04:25,239 Jerry, I am so grateful that you're doing this. 83 00:04:25,409 --> 00:04:27,320 Oh, I know you are. 84 00:04:27,769 --> 00:04:29,805 - You got the card I sent? - I did. 85 00:04:29,969 --> 00:04:33,086 - So where is it? - What? 86 00:04:33,249 --> 00:04:34,762 The card. 87 00:04:37,769 --> 00:04:39,680 Is this it in the trash? 88 00:04:42,289 --> 00:04:43,961 No. 89 00:04:45,489 --> 00:04:47,207 This is my card. You threw it away. 90 00:04:47,729 --> 00:04:50,766 - Well... - I put a lot of thought into this card. 91 00:04:50,929 --> 00:04:53,159 You signed your name and you addressed the envelope. 92 00:04:53,329 --> 00:04:56,480 It's not like you painted the picture and wrote the poem. 93 00:04:58,289 --> 00:04:59,802 Oh, fine. 94 00:05:00,329 --> 00:05:01,728 I gotta get back to the office. 95 00:05:01,889 --> 00:05:05,086 Why, because I threw the card out? How long was I supposed to save it? 96 00:05:05,249 --> 00:05:07,046 You have no sentimentality. 97 00:05:07,209 --> 00:05:09,803 I have sentimentality. Really. I'm sentimental. 98 00:05:09,969 --> 00:05:11,687 Here, look. Here's some cards I've saved. 99 00:05:11,849 --> 00:05:13,805 These are birthday cards from my grandmother. 100 00:05:13,969 --> 00:05:16,358 - I'm not a bad guy. - So you save her cards but not mine. 101 00:05:16,529 --> 00:05:17,723 Oh, great! 102 00:05:17,889 --> 00:05:21,006 Well, but you see, I saved something. See? 103 00:05:21,169 --> 00:05:23,399 I can save. 104 00:05:23,729 --> 00:05:25,879 I'll see you at the pledge drive, okay? 105 00:05:26,049 --> 00:05:28,688 Well, new cards, huh? 106 00:05:28,849 --> 00:05:31,682 No. They're old cards from my grandmother. 107 00:05:31,849 --> 00:05:36,206 Well, I'll tell you, a nice greeting card can really lift a person's spirits. 108 00:05:36,369 --> 00:05:38,166 Yeah. 109 00:05:40,449 --> 00:05:41,802 - A check. - Yeah, she puts $10... 110 00:05:41,969 --> 00:05:44,164 ...in every birthday card. That's why I save them. 111 00:05:44,329 --> 00:05:47,002 There's a check in all these? Why don't you cash them? 112 00:05:47,169 --> 00:05:48,648 I don't know. It's $10. 113 00:05:48,809 --> 00:05:51,881 Yeah, but you got a whole pile here. Look at this, 1987. 114 00:05:52,049 --> 00:05:55,246 - So what? - Your grandmother gave you this gift. 115 00:05:55,409 --> 00:05:58,606 She wants you to spend the money, to have the fun that she can't have. 116 00:05:58,769 --> 00:06:00,760 This is tantamount to a slap in the face. 117 00:06:00,929 --> 00:06:02,567 - Oh, get out of here. - Jerry... 118 00:06:02,729 --> 00:06:06,039 ...a gift not enjoyed is like a flower that doesn't blossom. 119 00:06:06,209 --> 00:06:09,963 All right. All right. I'll cash the checks. 120 00:06:10,129 --> 00:06:11,323 Yeah. 121 00:06:12,369 --> 00:06:15,839 It was a thank-you card from Kristin because I'm doing the PBS drive. 122 00:06:16,009 --> 00:06:17,886 I mean, how long am I supposed to keep it? 123 00:06:18,049 --> 00:06:20,517 The rule's a minimum of two days. 124 00:06:21,529 --> 00:06:23,247 You making that up, or you know? 125 00:06:23,489 --> 00:06:25,320 I'm making it up. 126 00:06:25,489 --> 00:06:27,684 I mean, really, what is the point of saving it? 127 00:06:27,849 --> 00:06:29,885 I could see if I had a mantel. 128 00:06:30,049 --> 00:06:32,279 Well, a mantel's a whole different story. 129 00:06:32,449 --> 00:06:34,644 - Absolutely. - If my parents had a mantel... 130 00:06:34,809 --> 00:06:37,642 ...I might be a completely different person. 131 00:06:37,809 --> 00:06:39,765 So anyway, she's kind of upset about it... 132 00:06:39,929 --> 00:06:41,567 ...so I need you to do me a favour. 133 00:06:41,729 --> 00:06:44,687 - Let's have it. - Well, I'm doing the PBS drive. 134 00:06:44,849 --> 00:06:48,967 So during the show, they're running the Ken Burns Basebal thing. 135 00:06:49,129 --> 00:06:51,245 So I thought if I could get a baseball player... 136 00:06:51,409 --> 00:06:52,967 ...to come on the show with me... 137 00:06:53,649 --> 00:06:56,368 - You want me to ask a Yankee. - Could you? 138 00:06:57,769 --> 00:06:59,725 All right. 139 00:07:00,369 --> 00:07:02,803 - I'll run it by a few people. - All right. Do your thing... 140 00:07:02,969 --> 00:07:04,925 ...where you lie to everyone. 141 00:07:06,649 --> 00:07:09,243 I should never have made that phone call. 142 00:07:09,409 --> 00:07:11,969 - Did you ever get to talk to Noreen? - Yes. She's very upset. 143 00:07:12,129 --> 00:07:14,120 So was I right about the flirting? Was it true? 144 00:07:14,289 --> 00:07:16,280 I don't know. I never asked. She was yelling- 145 00:07:16,449 --> 00:07:17,643 Who was flirting with you? 146 00:07:17,969 --> 00:07:19,687 Remember when we were in the bookstore? 147 00:07:19,849 --> 00:07:21,567 That woman came up to us. 148 00:07:22,249 --> 00:07:25,844 - She wasn't flirting with you. - Oh, sure she was. 149 00:07:26,009 --> 00:07:29,763 Asked me where the humour section was. 150 00:07:29,929 --> 00:07:32,887 Humour? Come on. 151 00:07:33,809 --> 00:07:34,958 Jerry... 152 00:07:35,129 --> 00:07:40,522 ...her brother just had a book of political cartoons published. 153 00:07:43,649 --> 00:07:47,403 All right. So maybe she wasn't flirting with me. So what? 154 00:07:47,569 --> 00:07:49,719 Oh, yeah, that's funny. 155 00:07:49,889 --> 00:07:52,119 Hey, you wanna hear something weird? 156 00:07:52,809 --> 00:07:54,481 Mr. Pitt... 157 00:07:54,649 --> 00:07:57,482 ...eats his Snickers bars... 158 00:07:57,649 --> 00:08:00,368 ...with a knife and fork. 159 00:08:01,569 --> 00:08:03,002 - Really? - Yes. 160 00:08:03,169 --> 00:08:04,682 Why does he do that? 161 00:08:04,849 --> 00:08:07,568 He probably doesn't wanna get chocolate on his fingers. 162 00:08:07,729 --> 00:08:10,562 That's the way these society types eat their candy bars. 163 00:08:10,729 --> 00:08:12,048 Oh, you know. 164 00:08:12,209 --> 00:08:15,485 What, you think I eat all my meals with you? 165 00:08:16,209 --> 00:08:17,927 Excuse me. Sweetheart? 166 00:08:18,929 --> 00:08:21,397 I think you may have overcharged us. 167 00:08:21,569 --> 00:08:23,958 - What is this? - That's the extra toast. 168 00:08:24,129 --> 00:08:25,847 Get it? 169 00:08:27,609 --> 00:08:29,327 Got it. 170 00:08:31,729 --> 00:08:34,084 Did you just see what happened here? 171 00:08:34,609 --> 00:08:35,803 What? 172 00:08:35,969 --> 00:08:38,403 Did you see the way she pointed at the check? 173 00:08:38,569 --> 00:08:40,560 She gave me the finger. 174 00:08:44,009 --> 00:08:47,206 That's how waitress types express derision. 175 00:08:47,369 --> 00:08:49,883 They don't wanna get their mouths dirty. 176 00:08:51,889 --> 00:08:53,925 So, what do you think? 177 00:08:54,289 --> 00:08:55,722 PBS fundraiser? 178 00:08:55,889 --> 00:08:57,720 I'm not gonna waste the players' time. 179 00:08:57,889 --> 00:09:01,165 Besides, the team already does so much promotion for Channel 11. 180 00:09:01,489 --> 00:09:03,559 Channel 11. 181 00:09:04,529 --> 00:09:07,726 Forgive me for trying to class up this place. 182 00:09:07,889 --> 00:09:11,279 For trying to have the Yankees reach another strata of society... 183 00:09:11,449 --> 00:09:14,600 ...that might not watch Channel 11. 184 00:09:22,769 --> 00:09:24,282 What the hell are you doing? 185 00:09:25,729 --> 00:09:27,799 I am eating my dessert. 186 00:09:28,689 --> 00:09:31,601 How do you eat it, with your hands? 187 00:09:34,569 --> 00:09:38,357 You know, maybe George has something here about PBS. 188 00:09:38,529 --> 00:09:41,487 Okay, 60 bucks from Nana. 189 00:09:43,809 --> 00:09:45,606 Yeah. 190 00:09:50,609 --> 00:09:53,169 - Hello? - Hello. This is Chemical Bank. 191 00:09:53,329 --> 00:09:56,480 Just wanted you to know that your checking account is overdrawn. 192 00:09:56,649 --> 00:09:58,082 Chemical Bank? 193 00:09:58,249 --> 00:10:00,524 I haven't used that account in months. 194 00:10:00,689 --> 00:10:03,806 Well, someone's been cashing the checks, and you're overdrawn. 195 00:10:03,969 --> 00:10:06,324 Oh, dear. 196 00:10:06,489 --> 00:10:09,208 I'll be down there first thing in the morning. 197 00:10:09,369 --> 00:10:11,087 Wait, we can do this over the phone. 198 00:10:22,689 --> 00:10:24,042 You got Danny Tartabull? 199 00:10:24,209 --> 00:10:27,406 You wanted a Yankee, I got you a Yankee. 200 00:10:27,569 --> 00:10:30,242 You really came through. Kristin's gonna be thrilled. 201 00:10:30,409 --> 00:10:33,162 The Bull owes me one. I helped him with his swing. 202 00:10:33,329 --> 00:10:36,082 So you're bringing Danny Tartabull to the fundraiser tonight. 203 00:10:36,249 --> 00:10:37,807 Absolutely. 204 00:10:37,969 --> 00:10:40,005 Pending approval of the script. 205 00:10:40,169 --> 00:10:43,559 - Excuse me? - Jerry, I'm Yankee management. 206 00:10:43,729 --> 00:10:47,563 - Yeah, I'd like to see the script too. - You're just answering phones! 207 00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:50,877 It would put me at ease. 208 00:10:51,049 --> 00:10:54,086 Hey. When you order, get the waitress to point to the menu. 209 00:10:54,249 --> 00:10:56,365 I wanna see what finger she uses. 210 00:10:56,929 --> 00:11:00,683 Say, I wanted a side order of fruit, but I didn't see it on the menu. 211 00:11:00,849 --> 00:11:02,919 You'll get it. Comes with your breakfast special. 212 00:11:03,089 --> 00:11:04,681 Right you are. 213 00:11:04,849 --> 00:11:08,205 You know, I didn't get the special, but I'd also like the fresh fruit too. 214 00:11:08,369 --> 00:11:10,041 I'll check. 215 00:11:16,449 --> 00:11:18,599 I don't believe it. She did it again! 216 00:11:18,769 --> 00:11:20,441 Oh, she had an itch. 217 00:11:20,609 --> 00:11:22,520 Had an itch. She could have used any finger. 218 00:11:22,689 --> 00:11:25,157 That finger was meant for me. 219 00:11:25,329 --> 00:11:28,207 Yeah. She knew what she was doing. 220 00:11:29,329 --> 00:11:30,682 By the way, lunch is on me. 221 00:11:30,849 --> 00:11:33,807 I just cashed my nana's birthday checks. 222 00:11:39,009 --> 00:11:41,000 Looking for something, lady? 223 00:11:43,089 --> 00:11:45,762 Isn't the Chemical Bank on this block? 224 00:11:45,929 --> 00:11:48,762 The bank. It burned. 225 00:11:49,529 --> 00:11:51,008 It's gone. 226 00:11:51,169 --> 00:11:52,682 Oh, dear. 227 00:11:53,009 --> 00:11:55,318 You know, what you wanna do is go down to 49th Street. 228 00:11:55,489 --> 00:11:58,242 That's the main customer-service branch. 229 00:11:58,409 --> 00:12:01,640 Ask for Mr. Fleming. He'll help you. 230 00:12:13,889 --> 00:12:15,880 - Hello. - Jerry, helo. 231 00:12:16,049 --> 00:12:19,359 - Uncle Leo. - Listen, I don't wanna alarm you... 232 00:12:19,529 --> 00:12:21,645 ...but your nana is missing! 233 00:12:23,009 --> 00:12:24,203 Nana's missing? 234 00:12:24,369 --> 00:12:26,564 I came to pick her up for her doctor's appointment. 235 00:12:26,729 --> 00:12:30,768 She wasn't here. I called the doctor. Nobody knows where she is. 236 00:12:30,929 --> 00:12:35,047 She hasn't left the apartment in 25 years. 237 00:12:35,889 --> 00:12:38,562 I've been thinking about her. I just cashed some of her checks. 238 00:12:38,729 --> 00:12:40,367 - That's right. - What kind of checks? 239 00:12:40,529 --> 00:12:42,121 - I think Chemical. - They were Chemical. 240 00:12:42,289 --> 00:12:45,599 Chemical? She hasn't used that account since her branch closed. 241 00:12:45,769 --> 00:12:47,885 What are you doing cashing her checks anyway? 242 00:12:48,049 --> 00:12:49,641 Kramer thought it would make her happy. 243 00:12:49,809 --> 00:12:52,039 I never should have cashed those checks! 244 00:12:52,209 --> 00:12:53,801 Hey, I didn't twist your arm. 245 00:12:53,969 --> 00:12:55,880 Your grandmother's on a very fixed income. 246 00:12:56,049 --> 00:12:57,482 What are you, broke? 247 00:12:57,649 --> 00:13:00,209 All right, just call me if you hear anything. 248 00:13:00,369 --> 00:13:03,520 Well, I cash the checks, the checks bounce... 249 00:13:03,689 --> 00:13:05,407 ...and now my nana's missing! 250 00:13:07,169 --> 00:13:08,921 - Well, don't look at me. - It's your fault! 251 00:13:09,089 --> 00:13:11,728 My fault? Your nana is missing... 252 00:13:11,889 --> 00:13:14,687 ...because she's been passing those bum checks all over town... 253 00:13:14,849 --> 00:13:18,239 ...and she finally pissed off the wrong people. 254 00:13:30,249 --> 00:13:33,525 So anyway, it's caused a lot of problems. 255 00:13:33,689 --> 00:13:36,681 Dan thinks I'm interested in Jerry. He won't let up. 256 00:13:36,849 --> 00:13:38,282 Well, I'm really sorry. 257 00:13:38,449 --> 00:13:40,485 But you can see why I'd make a mistake like that. 258 00:13:41,009 --> 00:13:42,522 No. Why? 259 00:13:43,289 --> 00:13:46,759 Well, you know, because he's a high talker. 260 00:13:47,209 --> 00:13:50,884 Well, he does raise his voice occasionally, but that's normal. 261 00:13:51,049 --> 00:13:54,758 No. No, no. Not a loud talker... 262 00:13:54,929 --> 00:13:56,521 ...a high talker. 263 00:13:56,689 --> 00:13:58,361 Really? 264 00:13:59,889 --> 00:14:03,245 You don't think his voice sounds a lot like yours? 265 00:14:03,409 --> 00:14:04,683 I never noticed that. 266 00:14:06,449 --> 00:14:09,646 Well, it's no big deal. You know, it's just that... 267 00:14:09,809 --> 00:14:12,528 ...he can sound like a woman, you know? 268 00:14:12,969 --> 00:14:16,041 Great. I'm going out with a man who sounds like a woman. 269 00:14:18,449 --> 00:14:20,758 Well, he looks like a man. 270 00:14:21,369 --> 00:14:22,768 Yeah. 271 00:14:24,329 --> 00:14:27,207 He's bald. I know that's a guy thing. 272 00:14:27,729 --> 00:14:29,401 I guess. 273 00:14:30,449 --> 00:14:32,565 I know he belches a lot. 274 00:14:33,169 --> 00:14:35,319 Well, that's something. 275 00:14:35,969 --> 00:14:39,245 So Jerry thought I was flirting with him. 276 00:14:39,409 --> 00:14:41,320 Yeah. 277 00:14:42,449 --> 00:14:44,326 He's kind of a baritone, isn't he? 278 00:14:45,089 --> 00:14:48,399 - What are you doing? - I'm eating this cookie. 279 00:14:50,809 --> 00:14:53,039 No, no. But why are you using a knife and fork? 280 00:14:53,209 --> 00:14:54,437 Did you just think of that? 281 00:14:54,929 --> 00:14:57,079 No. I've seen people do it. 282 00:14:57,249 --> 00:14:59,046 I like it. 283 00:15:01,529 --> 00:15:05,408 - So this isn't gonna take long, is it? - Oh, no, no. In and out. 284 00:15:05,569 --> 00:15:07,048 I made sure of that. 285 00:15:07,209 --> 00:15:09,803 And you'll be happy to know I perused the script... 286 00:15:09,969 --> 00:15:13,644 - ... and it's met with my approval. - Yeah. I'm sure it's fine. 287 00:15:14,129 --> 00:15:16,006 Hey! Hey, watch it! 288 00:15:16,809 --> 00:15:20,688 Did you see that guy? He just gave me the finger. 289 00:15:21,689 --> 00:15:23,361 - You sure? - Oh, yeah! 290 00:15:23,529 --> 00:15:26,760 Middle finger, straight up, at me. At us. 291 00:15:28,329 --> 00:15:31,401 - What are you doing? - I'm following him. 292 00:15:35,129 --> 00:15:37,768 I'm sorry. The account had insufficient funds. 293 00:15:37,929 --> 00:15:42,719 We had to return the checks made out to a Mr. Jerry Seinfeld. 294 00:15:42,889 --> 00:15:46,279 Oh, dear. That's my grandson. 295 00:15:46,449 --> 00:15:50,920 - May I call him now and explain? - Oh, certainly, certainly. 296 00:15:52,369 --> 00:15:54,724 And now I think she might really be interested in you. 297 00:15:55,649 --> 00:15:57,321 And Dan is obsessed. 298 00:15:57,489 --> 00:16:01,323 He keeps leaving these annoying messages on my machine. 299 00:16:02,369 --> 00:16:04,007 Would you? 300 00:16:04,849 --> 00:16:08,125 - Hello? - Hello. I need to speak to Jerry. 301 00:16:08,289 --> 00:16:09,563 Oh, it's you. 302 00:16:09,729 --> 00:16:12,038 We were just talking about you. 303 00:16:12,849 --> 00:16:16,125 Listen, Jerry doesn't wanna talk to you. 304 00:16:16,289 --> 00:16:20,043 Nobody wants to talk to you, so why don't you just... 305 00:16:20,209 --> 00:16:22,677 ...drop dead. 306 00:16:26,929 --> 00:16:28,920 Hey. All right. 307 00:16:29,089 --> 00:16:30,568 - Any word from Nana? - No. 308 00:16:30,729 --> 00:16:32,924 - Nana? - Yeah. My grandma's missing. 309 00:16:33,089 --> 00:16:34,408 - Missing? - Yeah. 310 00:16:34,569 --> 00:16:37,606 Think it might have something to do with those checks. 311 00:16:39,409 --> 00:16:42,526 What does Nana sound like? 312 00:16:42,849 --> 00:16:44,202 Like a grandmother. Why? 313 00:16:44,369 --> 00:16:46,360 Well, I... 314 00:16:47,489 --> 00:16:50,083 Oh, you hung up on my nana? 315 00:16:51,969 --> 00:16:53,766 I don't know. Maybe. 316 00:16:53,929 --> 00:16:55,806 You told Nana to drop dead. 317 00:16:57,769 --> 00:16:59,964 - It's possible. - Yes, it is. 318 00:17:00,129 --> 00:17:02,848 All right. Look, Jerry, we gotta get down to PBS PDQ. 319 00:17:03,009 --> 00:17:04,408 All right. 320 00:17:05,169 --> 00:17:08,684 No one gives us the finger. We're Yankees. 321 00:17:09,689 --> 00:17:12,726 - Want this last doughnut? - Oh, you can have it. 322 00:17:24,369 --> 00:17:26,439 - Jerry, where are the tote bags? - I don't know. 323 00:17:26,609 --> 00:17:28,645 Well, I'm not leaving without tote bags. 324 00:17:28,809 --> 00:17:31,687 I was promised tote bags, and tote bags I shall have. 325 00:17:33,169 --> 00:17:36,764 - Jerry, this man wants to see you. - Leo. 326 00:17:36,929 --> 00:17:38,726 - Hello. - Uncle Leo. 327 00:17:38,889 --> 00:17:41,005 - What are you doing here? - I wanted to tell you... 328 00:17:41,169 --> 00:17:42,443 ...your grandmother is fine. 329 00:17:43,089 --> 00:17:45,922 She's had quite a day, but she's gonna watch you tonight on the TV. 330 00:17:46,089 --> 00:17:47,283 - Yeah. - Jerry. 331 00:17:47,449 --> 00:17:49,440 I'm dying to meet Danny Tartabull. Where is he? 332 00:17:49,609 --> 00:17:51,486 He'll be here any second. 333 00:17:51,649 --> 00:17:54,209 - You're both on in five minutes. - Yeah, yeah. 334 00:17:54,369 --> 00:17:56,883 - Okay. - Bye-bye. 335 00:17:58,769 --> 00:18:01,602 Why didn't you tell me you were a little short? 336 00:18:02,929 --> 00:18:06,888 Here. If anybody asks you where you got it, you don't know. 337 00:18:07,049 --> 00:18:10,485 - No, that's okay, I really don't need- - What are you talking about? 338 00:18:10,649 --> 00:18:12,765 - It's not necessary. - Would you please take the-? 339 00:18:12,929 --> 00:18:15,682 - I can't take it. - I want you to have it. 340 00:18:15,849 --> 00:18:19,125 - Jerry, take the money! - I don't want it! 341 00:18:20,489 --> 00:18:23,208 Jerry, open up. We need to talk. 342 00:18:23,369 --> 00:18:25,200 Who's that? 343 00:18:25,369 --> 00:18:28,918 Sounds like that friend of Elaine's that was hitting on me in the store. 344 00:18:29,089 --> 00:18:30,886 Jerry, I'll take care of it. 345 00:18:31,689 --> 00:18:33,964 Is Jerry in there? 346 00:18:34,129 --> 00:18:36,768 Well, he can't be disturbed now. 347 00:18:36,929 --> 00:18:38,920 Well, this situation's driving me crazy. 348 00:18:39,369 --> 00:18:40,961 He's all I think about. 349 00:18:41,129 --> 00:18:43,689 I can't get him out of my mind. 350 00:18:43,849 --> 00:18:45,168 Well, I'm sorry, fella. 351 00:18:45,329 --> 00:18:47,718 I mean, I know what it's like to be in love. 352 00:18:47,889 --> 00:18:49,766 It just ties you up in knots. 353 00:18:49,929 --> 00:18:52,363 And Jerry is a very sexy man. 354 00:18:53,809 --> 00:18:56,369 - What? - Look, I'm not judging you. 355 00:18:56,529 --> 00:19:00,158 In fact, we here at PBS, we have many programs... 356 00:19:00,329 --> 00:19:02,047 ...celebrating your lifestyle. 357 00:19:03,329 --> 00:19:05,843 Armistead Maupin's Tales of the City... 358 00:19:06,009 --> 00:19:08,762 ...gender-bending and swinging in San Francisco. 359 00:19:08,929 --> 00:19:10,681 Before Stonewal, about those dark ages... 360 00:19:10,849 --> 00:19:12,760 ...when you couldn't come out of the closet... 361 00:19:12,929 --> 00:19:15,523 ...lest you be persecuted because of your, you know... 362 00:19:15,689 --> 00:19:17,008 No, I don't. 363 00:19:17,169 --> 00:19:18,602 Are you Danny Tartabull? 364 00:19:19,569 --> 00:19:21,161 No, I'm not. 365 00:19:24,249 --> 00:19:25,762 I'll take care of this, Danny. 366 00:19:28,689 --> 00:19:31,408 - Excuse me. - What's the problem? 367 00:19:31,569 --> 00:19:35,357 I believe you cut me off and then made an obscene gesture. 368 00:19:35,529 --> 00:19:36,962 I did? Where? 369 00:19:37,129 --> 00:19:39,199 Outside of Manhattan about an hour ago. 370 00:19:40,449 --> 00:19:41,802 Is that Danny Tartabull? 371 00:19:43,089 --> 00:19:45,125 That's right. Of the New York Yankees. 372 00:19:45,289 --> 00:19:48,326 I'd like to shake his hand, but I can't. 373 00:19:52,489 --> 00:19:56,038 I'm Jerry Seinfeld. I tell jokes for a living. 374 00:19:56,209 --> 00:20:00,999 But there's no joking about the financial crisis here at PBS. 375 00:20:01,169 --> 00:20:03,683 Our lines are open, so please call the number... 376 00:20:03,849 --> 00:20:05,805 ...you see on your screen. 377 00:20:05,969 --> 00:20:08,847 This is the only time this year we'll be asking for donations. 378 00:20:10,249 --> 00:20:13,605 - PBS pledge drive. - Hello. I'd like to speak with Jerry. 379 00:20:13,769 --> 00:20:16,078 You again, buddy. Look, forget about Jerry. 380 00:20:16,249 --> 00:20:19,047 - It's not gonna happen. - This is his grandmother. 381 00:20:19,209 --> 00:20:21,120 Oh, Nana. 382 00:20:21,289 --> 00:20:23,723 - Hello. - Tell Jerry I'm sorry. 383 00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:26,244 I'm going to have to write him some new checks. 384 00:20:26,409 --> 00:20:28,047 As long as you got your checkbook out... 385 00:20:28,209 --> 00:20:29,961 ...how about forking a little over to PBS? 386 00:20:30,129 --> 00:20:32,802 You watch this station, don't you? Don't be a freeloader. 387 00:20:32,969 --> 00:20:35,529 Programs like Ken Burns' Basebal. 388 00:20:35,689 --> 00:20:37,759 And if Danny Tartabull were here... 389 00:20:38,289 --> 00:20:41,281 ...I'm sure he'd say, "That's correct, Jerry." 390 00:20:41,449 --> 00:20:43,007 Jerry. I have an announcement. 391 00:20:43,169 --> 00:20:45,285 - Your grandmother is on the line. - My nana? 392 00:20:45,449 --> 00:20:50,762 And as we speak, she's generously writing PBS a check for $1500! 393 00:20:51,729 --> 00:20:56,041 She can't do that. She's on a very fixed income. 394 00:20:56,689 --> 00:20:58,680 Stop the show! 395 00:21:03,689 --> 00:21:05,964 I got another card from Kristin. 396 00:21:06,129 --> 00:21:08,802 Not quite as chipper... 397 00:21:08,969 --> 00:21:10,641 ...as the first one. 398 00:21:12,369 --> 00:21:15,406 - Isn't this bunny giving you the-? - Yes, he is. 399 00:21:16,089 --> 00:21:17,761 - You should show this to Georgie. - Yeah. 400 00:21:18,129 --> 00:21:20,768 - Here's your knife and fork. - Thank you. 401 00:21:20,929 --> 00:21:24,046 Look, she's cutting up an Almond Joy. 402 00:21:24,209 --> 00:21:25,483 I just don't get it. 403 00:21:25,649 --> 00:21:28,607 I saw someone on the street eating M&M's with a spoon. 404 00:21:31,329 --> 00:21:34,048 What is wrong with everybody? 405 00:21:34,209 --> 00:21:35,722 Look, they're doing it. 406 00:21:36,209 --> 00:21:37,403 They're all doing it. 407 00:21:39,969 --> 00:21:42,005 What is wrong with all you people? 408 00:21:43,369 --> 00:21:45,485 Have you all gone mad? 409 00:21:52,809 --> 00:21:54,800 Subtitles by SDl Media Group