1 00:00:02,529 --> 00:00:04,281 The thing I admire about the Chinese... 2 00:00:05,889 --> 00:00:07,561 ...is they're hanging in there with the chopsticks. 3 00:00:07,729 --> 00:00:11,165 Because if you think about it, they've seen the fork by now. 4 00:00:11,729 --> 00:00:16,644 I'm sure they've seen the spoon. They're going, "Yeah, they're okay. 5 00:00:16,809 --> 00:00:19,243 We're gonna stay with the sticks." 6 00:00:19,849 --> 00:00:21,680 I mean, I don't know how they missed it. 7 00:00:21,849 --> 00:00:24,079 Thousands of years ago, Chinese farmer gets up... 8 00:00:24,249 --> 00:00:26,160 ...has his breakfast with the chopsticks... 9 00:00:26,329 --> 00:00:30,242 ...goes out and works all day in the field with a shovel. 10 00:00:30,409 --> 00:00:31,842 Hello? 11 00:00:32,009 --> 00:00:33,727 Shovel? 12 00:00:34,529 --> 00:00:38,488 Not going out there ploughing 40 acres with a couple of pool cues. 13 00:00:44,169 --> 00:00:45,682 Good shave today. 14 00:00:45,849 --> 00:00:47,487 Don't worry, I can manage these bags. 15 00:00:47,649 --> 00:00:48,923 Really, I'm fine. 16 00:00:49,089 --> 00:00:51,125 I'm thinking of letting my sideburns grow in. 17 00:00:51,289 --> 00:00:55,521 - Can we rest here a second? - Yeah, I guess. 18 00:00:57,329 --> 00:00:59,718 - So how's Noreen? - She got a new boyfriend. Paul. 19 00:00:59,889 --> 00:01:01,607 Already? That was fast. 20 00:01:01,769 --> 00:01:03,248 I assume he's not a high-talker. 21 00:01:03,409 --> 00:01:05,718 No, but he has the worst habit. 22 00:01:05,889 --> 00:01:08,608 Whenever he answers the phone, he won't put Noreen right on. 23 00:01:08,769 --> 00:01:10,760 You must go through 10 minutes of chit-chat. 24 00:01:10,929 --> 00:01:13,159 - A long-talker. - Yeah. 25 00:01:13,329 --> 00:01:15,285 He is so boring. 26 00:01:15,449 --> 00:01:17,724 Now whenever he answers the phone, I just hang up. 27 00:01:17,889 --> 00:01:20,119 All right, let's move it out. 28 00:01:22,569 --> 00:01:24,719 Hey, isn't that George's father? 29 00:01:24,889 --> 00:01:27,164 Oh, yeah, it is. Should we say hello? 30 00:01:27,329 --> 00:01:31,322 I've never seen him in Manhattan before. It's weird. It's so out of context. 31 00:01:32,009 --> 00:01:33,840 That man he's with... 32 00:01:34,329 --> 00:01:36,763 ...is he wearing a cape? 33 00:01:37,329 --> 00:01:39,365 I believe he is wearing a cape. 34 00:01:40,929 --> 00:01:43,887 Why is Mr. Costanza with a man in a cape? 35 00:01:44,049 --> 00:01:47,041 Well, it is good cape weather. Cool, breezy. 36 00:01:47,209 --> 00:01:49,962 Why a cape? Who wears a cape? 37 00:01:50,129 --> 00:01:52,245 Where do you even get a cape? 38 00:01:52,409 --> 00:01:54,127 You're right, it is strange. 39 00:01:54,289 --> 00:01:57,008 In fact, let's cross to the other side of the street. 40 00:01:57,489 --> 00:01:59,639 Cover me. 41 00:02:05,889 --> 00:02:08,881 Just plop it on the counter there. 42 00:02:10,769 --> 00:02:12,521 Oh, I got a message. 43 00:02:15,889 --> 00:02:17,447 Hey, it's George. 44 00:02:17,609 --> 00:02:19,440 I got nothing to say. 45 00:02:21,329 --> 00:02:23,001 That sounds urgent. 46 00:02:23,169 --> 00:02:24,966 Let me call him back. 47 00:02:26,009 --> 00:02:27,442 Hello? 48 00:02:27,609 --> 00:02:28,962 Who is this? 49 00:02:29,129 --> 00:02:30,767 Donna Chang? 50 00:02:30,929 --> 00:02:33,204 I'm sorry. I must have dialled the wrong number. 51 00:02:33,369 --> 00:02:34,358 Donna Chang? 52 00:02:34,529 --> 00:02:36,167 Should've talked. I love Chinese women. 53 00:02:36,329 --> 00:02:38,365 Isn't that a little racist? 54 00:02:38,529 --> 00:02:42,522 If I like their race, how can that be racist? 55 00:02:45,329 --> 00:02:46,728 Hello? 56 00:02:46,889 --> 00:02:48,880 Oh, is this Donna Chang again? 57 00:02:49,049 --> 00:02:51,324 Yes, I am calling George. 58 00:02:51,489 --> 00:02:54,367 Oh, the lines are crossed. You're getting his calls. 59 00:02:54,529 --> 00:02:56,520 Well, what do you know. 60 00:02:57,209 --> 00:02:58,483 - Hi. - So listen... 61 00:02:58,649 --> 00:03:01,163 I'm going through this stuff like water. 62 00:03:02,129 --> 00:03:04,643 - Who are you talking to? - He's on with a Chinese woman. 63 00:03:05,809 --> 00:03:07,720 You know, I dig Asian women. 64 00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:12,044 You got a comfort problem there? 65 00:03:12,729 --> 00:03:14,447 No, I think these Jockeys shrunk. 66 00:03:15,809 --> 00:03:17,640 - I thought you wore silk underwear. - No. 67 00:03:17,809 --> 00:03:20,243 I wore them for a month, but I couldn't stick with it. 68 00:03:20,409 --> 00:03:23,481 I need the secure packaging of Jockeys. 69 00:03:24,609 --> 00:03:26,918 My boys need a house. 70 00:03:31,849 --> 00:03:33,521 That's nice. 71 00:03:34,169 --> 00:03:37,047 Listen, if you ever wanna have kids, you shouldn't wear briefs. 72 00:03:37,209 --> 00:03:38,961 Boxers are better for your sperm count. 73 00:03:39,569 --> 00:03:41,002 Sperm count? 74 00:03:41,169 --> 00:03:43,399 Well, how many sperm should I have? 75 00:03:43,569 --> 00:03:45,685 A lot. 76 00:03:46,009 --> 00:03:47,647 I got a date. 77 00:03:47,809 --> 00:03:49,845 - With the Chinese woman? - She knew who I was. 78 00:03:50,009 --> 00:03:51,408 She saw me at a club one time. 79 00:03:51,609 --> 00:03:54,999 My first date ever with the Pacific Rim. I'm very excited. 80 00:03:55,169 --> 00:03:57,967 Jerry, you ever have your sperm count checked? 81 00:03:58,129 --> 00:04:00,723 No, why should I? I wear boxers. 82 00:04:01,369 --> 00:04:02,848 You ever get a woman pregnant? 83 00:04:03,009 --> 00:04:05,921 I'm sorry, Kramer. Those records are permanently sealed. 84 00:04:06,089 --> 00:04:09,559 What would you say if I told you I never impregnated a woman? 85 00:04:09,729 --> 00:04:11,003 Really? 86 00:04:11,169 --> 00:04:13,558 Never slipped one past the goalie in all these years? 87 00:04:15,449 --> 00:04:17,644 I'm surprised. You've slept with a lot of women. 88 00:04:17,809 --> 00:04:19,447 A lot of women! 89 00:04:21,169 --> 00:04:22,648 Do you think maybe I'm... 90 00:04:22,809 --> 00:04:24,765 ...depleted? 91 00:04:24,929 --> 00:04:27,238 Well, I'm sure you're not totally depleted. 92 00:04:27,409 --> 00:04:30,242 But what if I am? I'm the last male Kramer. 93 00:04:30,409 --> 00:04:32,047 We're facing extinction. 94 00:04:32,209 --> 00:04:34,439 Go to a fertility clinic, check your sperm count. 95 00:04:34,609 --> 00:04:37,077 Yeah, but then I'd have to- Well, you know... 96 00:04:37,249 --> 00:04:39,968 Into a cup in the middle of the day? 97 00:04:40,129 --> 00:04:42,689 What, does that conflict with your regular schedule? 98 00:04:47,169 --> 00:04:49,000 All right, I'm gonna try Noreen again. 99 00:04:49,169 --> 00:04:52,798 I am very excited about this date. We're going to Hunan Balcony. 100 00:04:52,969 --> 00:04:55,802 She's Chinese, so you suggest Chinese food? 101 00:04:55,969 --> 00:04:58,642 - She suggested it. - I thought Chinese don't eat Chinese. 102 00:04:58,809 --> 00:05:01,243 She's very assimilated. 103 00:05:01,929 --> 00:05:03,203 Helo. 104 00:05:04,929 --> 00:05:08,524 - Paul again? - You can't get one ring past him. 105 00:05:09,649 --> 00:05:12,447 - Hey, hey. You don't call me back? - I tried. 106 00:05:12,609 --> 00:05:14,440 Your line's crossed with a Chinese woman. 107 00:05:15,569 --> 00:05:19,562 Hey, George, we saw your father on the street before. 108 00:05:19,729 --> 00:05:22,118 What's he doing in the city today? 109 00:05:22,289 --> 00:05:23,961 You didn't ask him? 110 00:05:26,729 --> 00:05:29,482 - You didn't say hello? - Well, he was with someone... 111 00:05:29,649 --> 00:05:32,846 ...a man in a cape. 112 00:05:33,969 --> 00:05:35,527 Why was he wearing a cape? 113 00:05:38,009 --> 00:05:40,603 Was my father wearing a cape? 114 00:05:40,769 --> 00:05:42,760 No, jacket and tie. No cape. 115 00:05:44,729 --> 00:05:46,003 A cape. 116 00:05:47,569 --> 00:05:50,879 What was a man with a cape doing with my father? 117 00:05:51,049 --> 00:05:54,246 What was my father doing with a man in a cape? 118 00:05:55,729 --> 00:05:57,879 Why a cape? 119 00:06:04,409 --> 00:06:06,604 The results of your sperm test are in. 120 00:06:08,369 --> 00:06:10,519 Are you planning to start a family? 121 00:06:11,409 --> 00:06:14,128 Yes, I would like to very much. 122 00:06:14,289 --> 00:06:16,086 I'm low, aren't I? I can feel it. 123 00:06:16,689 --> 00:06:20,682 - Yes, I'm afraid you're a little low. - Oh, man! 124 00:06:21,129 --> 00:06:22,881 It's over. The Kramer name is finished. 125 00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:25,882 - I'm never gonna procreate, huh? - That's not necessarily true. 126 00:06:26,049 --> 00:06:28,438 There are measures you can take to improve fertility. 127 00:06:28,609 --> 00:06:31,840 All right, what? What? You tell me. I'll do anything. Come on, tell me. 128 00:06:32,009 --> 00:06:35,399 First thing, you should wear boxer shorts. 129 00:06:36,689 --> 00:06:38,805 - All the time? - All the time. 130 00:06:38,969 --> 00:06:41,005 You have to get off Jockeys right away. 131 00:06:41,169 --> 00:06:43,729 But I've always worn Jockeys. 132 00:06:47,649 --> 00:06:50,846 Hi, Paul, it's Elaine calling. 133 00:06:51,009 --> 00:06:54,319 Yeah, I'm calling from a car phone, so I don't really have time to talk. 134 00:06:54,489 --> 00:06:56,684 Is Noreen there? 135 00:06:56,849 --> 00:06:58,123 She's not? Okay, great. 136 00:06:58,289 --> 00:07:00,484 Well, you can just tell her I called then, and- 137 00:07:02,289 --> 00:07:06,885 Well, yes, it has been unseasonably cool lately. 138 00:07:08,689 --> 00:07:12,682 Okay. Well, look, I'm pulling up to the building now, so I'm gonna... 139 00:07:13,529 --> 00:07:16,327 Yeah, I tip 20 percent too. 140 00:07:18,489 --> 00:07:21,959 Lookit, Paul, the car seems to be running out of gas... 141 00:07:22,129 --> 00:07:25,804 ...so I'm gonna have to get off the phone. 142 00:07:27,569 --> 00:07:29,958 Please let me know when your party has arrived. 143 00:07:30,129 --> 00:07:32,040 Yes, I will. 144 00:07:33,209 --> 00:07:34,881 - You mind? - No, go ahead. 145 00:07:35,049 --> 00:07:37,483 I secondhand smoke two packs a day. 146 00:07:38,769 --> 00:07:40,441 Jerry. 147 00:07:41,209 --> 00:07:43,882 - Excuse me? - Hi, sorry I'm late. 148 00:07:44,049 --> 00:07:46,688 - Who are you? - I'm Donna Chang. 149 00:07:49,089 --> 00:07:50,442 What do you mean? 150 00:07:50,609 --> 00:07:52,645 I mean I'm Donna Chang. 151 00:07:53,569 --> 00:07:57,323 - You're Donna Chang? - Did you think I was Chinese? 152 00:07:58,409 --> 00:08:00,684 No. What, you mean because of the "Chang"? 153 00:08:00,849 --> 00:08:02,919 The family name wasn't originally Chang. 154 00:08:03,089 --> 00:08:05,159 - I didn't think so. - Used to be Changstein. 155 00:08:07,969 --> 00:08:11,245 - She's not Chinese? - No, not Chinese. 156 00:08:11,889 --> 00:08:13,322 Not even Asian. 157 00:08:13,849 --> 00:08:17,444 - So, what is she? - Well, she's like you. 158 00:08:18,649 --> 00:08:21,322 Oh, how disappointed you must have been. 159 00:08:22,409 --> 00:08:24,047 Well, it's false advertising, see? 160 00:08:24,209 --> 00:08:27,679 And the thing is, I think she likes people thinking she's Chinese. 161 00:08:27,849 --> 00:08:29,441 She suggests Chinese food... 162 00:08:29,609 --> 00:08:31,804 ...she always introduces herself as Donna Chang. 163 00:08:32,369 --> 00:08:35,964 - So why are you seeing her again? - Well, she is a woman. 164 00:08:36,129 --> 00:08:39,246 Listen, I spoke to Paul and Noreen. They might be breaking up. 165 00:08:39,809 --> 00:08:41,561 - Really? - Well, maybe. 166 00:08:43,249 --> 00:08:45,809 Hey, wouldn't it be funny if Paul and Noreen broke up... 167 00:08:45,969 --> 00:08:47,766 ...because you kept hanging up on him? 168 00:08:49,209 --> 00:08:52,167 - What do you mean? - If Paul thought it was some guy... 169 00:08:52,329 --> 00:08:55,526 ...hanging up because he was having an affair with Noreen. 170 00:08:58,729 --> 00:09:00,003 Here, take my Jockey shorts. 171 00:09:01,009 --> 00:09:02,362 Hey, what is that? 172 00:09:02,529 --> 00:09:05,646 Look, you gotta help me. I have to get off Jockey shorts. 173 00:09:05,809 --> 00:09:07,959 - What, you have low sperm count? - Very low. 174 00:09:08,129 --> 00:09:09,926 - Come on, take them. - I don't want them. 175 00:09:10,089 --> 00:09:13,638 Jerry, look, you gotta help. If I have one pair in my house, I'll wear them. 176 00:09:13,809 --> 00:09:16,004 - I don't want them. - All it takes is one pair. 177 00:09:16,169 --> 00:09:18,763 I'm not gonna be able to sleep if those are in the house. 178 00:09:18,929 --> 00:09:20,647 Boxers! How do you wear these things? 179 00:09:20,809 --> 00:09:23,243 Look at that. They're bagging up. They're rising here. 180 00:09:23,409 --> 00:09:26,526 And there's nothing holding me in place. I'm flipping, I'm flopping. 181 00:09:29,129 --> 00:09:30,721 What am I gonna do? 182 00:09:30,889 --> 00:09:33,881 Jerry, I'm going crazy in these things. 183 00:09:39,769 --> 00:09:42,442 Well, I'm gonna have to move now. 184 00:09:44,409 --> 00:09:46,286 You know what I like about Manhattan? 185 00:09:47,369 --> 00:09:48,882 There's no mosquitoes. 186 00:09:49,049 --> 00:09:50,368 There's plenty of mosquitoes. 187 00:09:51,609 --> 00:09:53,201 Queens is full of mosquitoes. 188 00:09:53,369 --> 00:09:57,647 - So, Dad- - Gnats too, if I'm not mistaken. 189 00:10:01,009 --> 00:10:02,840 Heard you were in the city the other day. 190 00:10:03,009 --> 00:10:06,524 Your mother has to tell you every move I make? I'll kill her. 191 00:10:08,289 --> 00:10:11,008 - Jerry and Elaine saw you. - They didn't say hello? 192 00:10:11,169 --> 00:10:14,047 - They were in a rush. - They couldn't just say hello? 193 00:10:14,209 --> 00:10:16,120 The hell with them. 194 00:10:16,689 --> 00:10:20,762 They said you were with some guy who was wearing a cape. 195 00:10:20,929 --> 00:10:23,079 Elaine, I can see not saying hello. 196 00:10:23,249 --> 00:10:26,605 She's very- What's the word? Supercilious. 197 00:10:26,769 --> 00:10:30,205 - So, Dad- - How could Jerry not say hello? 198 00:10:34,009 --> 00:10:36,842 - Did they uncross the lines yet? - They can't find the problem. 199 00:10:37,009 --> 00:10:38,283 It's getting ridicurous. 200 00:10:59,049 --> 00:11:01,244 Did you say "ridicurous"? 201 00:11:01,409 --> 00:11:02,922 Ridiculous. 202 00:11:04,969 --> 00:11:07,039 I thought you said... 203 00:11:07,209 --> 00:11:08,927 ...ridicurous. 204 00:11:12,329 --> 00:11:13,648 Hey, what are you doing here? 205 00:11:13,809 --> 00:11:16,198 I wanted to talk to you. Didn't know you had company. 206 00:11:16,369 --> 00:11:18,121 - Oh, no, no. - Hi, I'm George. 207 00:11:18,289 --> 00:11:21,167 Oh, hi. I'm Donna Chang. 208 00:11:23,769 --> 00:11:25,646 I just spoke to your mother before. 209 00:11:26,329 --> 00:11:29,446 - You spoke to my mother? - She was trying to call you, but- 210 00:11:29,609 --> 00:11:31,327 The rines are crossed. 211 00:11:33,249 --> 00:11:35,080 Did you say the "rines" are crossed? 212 00:11:36,089 --> 00:11:37,761 Did I? 213 00:11:38,769 --> 00:11:41,442 George, she's so sweet. We talked for an hour. 214 00:11:41,609 --> 00:11:43,327 Anyway, I'm really sorry. 215 00:11:43,489 --> 00:11:45,957 Sorry? Why sorry? What do you have to be sorry about? 216 00:11:46,129 --> 00:11:49,326 Well, she told me she and your father are getting divorced. 217 00:12:04,529 --> 00:12:06,485 Boy, divorced. That's really too bad. 218 00:12:06,649 --> 00:12:08,560 Yeah. You know, it's a shame his parents... 219 00:12:08,729 --> 00:12:11,289 ...didn't get divorced 30 years ago. 220 00:12:11,849 --> 00:12:13,965 He could've been normal. 221 00:12:14,129 --> 00:12:15,767 Oh, my God! 222 00:12:17,329 --> 00:12:18,967 You know what I just realized? 223 00:12:19,129 --> 00:12:21,723 If they get divorced and live in two separate places... 224 00:12:21,889 --> 00:12:23,959 ...that's twice as many visits. 225 00:12:24,129 --> 00:12:25,448 I never thought of that. 226 00:12:25,609 --> 00:12:27,884 Imagine if I had to see them both on the same day. 227 00:12:28,049 --> 00:12:30,609 It's like running a double marathon. 228 00:12:31,489 --> 00:12:34,720 Hey, Georgie, did you have any idea that anything was wrong? 229 00:12:34,889 --> 00:12:37,767 Have you ever spent any time with these people? 230 00:12:40,009 --> 00:12:42,079 - You know what this has to do with? - What? 231 00:12:42,249 --> 00:12:45,525 The man in the cape. I bet you he is mixed up in this. 232 00:12:46,289 --> 00:12:48,166 I don't trust men in capes. 233 00:12:48,329 --> 00:12:50,126 You can't cast aspersions on someone... 234 00:12:50,289 --> 00:12:52,200 ...just because they're wearing a cape. 235 00:12:52,369 --> 00:12:54,564 Superman wore a cape. 236 00:12:54,729 --> 00:12:56,924 And I'll be damned if I'm gonna stand here... 237 00:12:57,089 --> 00:12:59,205 ...and let you say something bad about him. 238 00:12:59,889 --> 00:13:01,845 All right, Superman's the exception. 239 00:13:05,329 --> 00:13:08,127 Hey, Elaine, I heard that Noreen and Paul are breaking up. 240 00:13:08,289 --> 00:13:11,565 I want you to put in a good word for me. Always had a thing for Noreen. 241 00:13:11,729 --> 00:13:14,448 No, Kramer, you don't understand, this could be my fault. 242 00:13:14,609 --> 00:13:18,568 Well, if she's available, I won't let her slip through my fingers this time. 243 00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:23,239 Well, looks like you've adjusted to the boxers. 244 00:13:23,409 --> 00:13:25,161 Well, I wouldn't go as far as that. 245 00:13:25,329 --> 00:13:28,207 - You went back to the Jockeys? - Wrong again. 246 00:13:29,569 --> 00:13:31,446 Oh, no. 247 00:13:35,169 --> 00:13:37,125 What? What? 248 00:13:37,289 --> 00:13:39,962 Don't you see what's going on here? 249 00:13:40,489 --> 00:13:42,445 No boxers, no Jockeys. 250 00:13:46,049 --> 00:13:49,962 The only thing between him and us is a thin layer of gabardine. 251 00:13:51,089 --> 00:13:53,080 - Kramer, say it isn't so. - Oh, it be so. 252 00:13:54,729 --> 00:13:58,517 I'm out there, Jerry, and I'm loving every minute of it! 253 00:14:02,609 --> 00:14:04,327 Don't you need a little help? 254 00:14:04,489 --> 00:14:05,717 Surprisingly, no. 255 00:14:05,889 --> 00:14:07,720 I'm free. I'm unfettered. 256 00:14:10,249 --> 00:14:13,719 I feel like a naked, innocent boy roaming the countryside. 257 00:14:15,489 --> 00:14:17,878 So you guys are trying to work it out. That's great. 258 00:14:18,049 --> 00:14:22,247 Yeah, well, we're trying, but he just went insane there for a while. 259 00:14:22,409 --> 00:14:24,047 He went insane? 260 00:14:24,209 --> 00:14:25,642 Believe it or not... 261 00:14:25,809 --> 00:14:27,925 ...Paul was convinced I was having an affair... 262 00:14:28,089 --> 00:14:31,081 ...because somebody kept calling and hanging up when he answered. 263 00:14:32,009 --> 00:14:36,446 What kind of a sick person calls and hangs up over and over? 264 00:14:36,609 --> 00:14:38,600 Well... 265 00:14:38,769 --> 00:14:40,361 ...I don't know about sick. 266 00:14:40,529 --> 00:14:43,407 I mean, maybe it was somebody... 267 00:14:43,569 --> 00:14:46,163 ...who didn't wanna talk to whoever was answering... 268 00:14:46,329 --> 00:14:49,878 ...because whoever was answering was always making boring chit-chat... 269 00:14:50,049 --> 00:14:52,199 ...and was completely oblivious to the fact... 270 00:14:52,369 --> 00:14:56,681 ...that the person who was calling didn't wanna speak to them. 271 00:14:59,929 --> 00:15:03,683 I can't believe that was you. 272 00:15:04,049 --> 00:15:06,199 I'm really sorry, Noreen. 273 00:15:07,089 --> 00:15:09,398 So you thought he was boring? 274 00:15:09,609 --> 00:15:12,646 Hey, Noreen, don't go by me. 275 00:15:15,289 --> 00:15:16,802 What are you doing to this woman? 276 00:15:17,449 --> 00:15:20,919 This is the second relationship you've ruined for her in a few weeks. 277 00:15:21,809 --> 00:15:23,800 - I know. - First you ruin her relationship... 278 00:15:23,969 --> 00:15:26,483 - ... with the high-talker. - Well, I got confused. 279 00:15:26,649 --> 00:15:28,207 They sound exactly the same. 280 00:15:28,369 --> 00:15:29,722 So she breaks up with him. 281 00:15:29,889 --> 00:15:31,959 Somehow picks up the pieces of her life... 282 00:15:32,129 --> 00:15:35,087 ...miraculously meets a new guy. 283 00:15:35,249 --> 00:15:37,558 You bust that up. 284 00:15:37,729 --> 00:15:41,927 And then just as they're reconciling, you announce to the world... 285 00:15:42,089 --> 00:15:44,603 ...he's boring. 286 00:15:45,609 --> 00:15:47,565 I didn't know she'd take it so seriously. 287 00:15:47,729 --> 00:15:50,448 Apparently, you have a tremendous influence over this woman. 288 00:15:50,609 --> 00:15:52,679 Anything you say, she does. 289 00:15:54,689 --> 00:15:56,088 - Yeah? - It's Donna Chang. 290 00:15:56,249 --> 00:15:59,446 - Come up. - I guess I just didn't realize it. 291 00:15:59,609 --> 00:16:02,043 Well, let's look back at your history with this woman. 292 00:16:02,209 --> 00:16:04,120 - Okay? - Okay. 293 00:16:04,289 --> 00:16:08,362 First, you encouraged her to join the Army. 294 00:16:09,489 --> 00:16:10,763 She did. 295 00:16:10,929 --> 00:16:12,521 She was lost. 296 00:16:12,689 --> 00:16:15,681 Then you suggest she goes AWOL. 297 00:16:15,849 --> 00:16:18,363 She did. 298 00:16:18,529 --> 00:16:20,520 She didn't seem to be having so much fun. 299 00:16:20,689 --> 00:16:23,886 Make sure you never tell this woman to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge. 300 00:16:24,049 --> 00:16:26,927 If I have this much influence, I'll call her and tell her... 301 00:16:27,089 --> 00:16:28,807 ...to get back together with him. 302 00:16:29,329 --> 00:16:31,160 - Hey. - Oh, Miss Changstein. 303 00:16:31,329 --> 00:16:32,603 - This is Elaine. - Hello. 304 00:16:32,769 --> 00:16:34,043 Hi. How are you? 305 00:16:34,209 --> 00:16:36,040 Guess what? Mrs. Costanza called me. 306 00:16:36,209 --> 00:16:38,723 - They're not getting divorced. - Why, what happened? 307 00:16:38,889 --> 00:16:41,403 She was trying to call George last night, she got me... 308 00:16:41,569 --> 00:16:43,560 ...we spoke an hour, and changed her mind. 309 00:16:43,729 --> 00:16:46,243 - Wow, that's amazing. - Anyway, she wants to meet me. 310 00:16:46,409 --> 00:16:48,798 She invited me for dinner. Said you should come too. 311 00:16:48,969 --> 00:16:50,038 - Tonight? - Yeah. 312 00:16:50,209 --> 00:16:54,122 I just remembered. I'm gonna have to cancel my acupuncture class. 313 00:17:01,769 --> 00:17:03,839 All right, let me just say one thing. 314 00:17:04,009 --> 00:17:06,443 There is no way that this is gonna happen. No way! 315 00:17:06,609 --> 00:17:09,043 Because if you think I'm going to two Thanksgivings... 316 00:17:09,209 --> 00:17:10,562 ...you're out of your mind! 317 00:17:10,769 --> 00:17:13,806 - We're not getting divorced. - Your mother changed her mind. 318 00:17:13,969 --> 00:17:16,927 You did? That's good. That's very good. 319 00:17:17,089 --> 00:17:19,478 - I'm very glad to hear that. - Yeah. We worked it out. 320 00:17:19,649 --> 00:17:22,607 All right, let me ask a question. Who was the man in the cape? 321 00:17:22,769 --> 00:17:25,806 - He was my lawyer. - Your lawyer wears a cape? 322 00:17:25,969 --> 00:17:27,641 Yeah. So what? 323 00:17:27,809 --> 00:17:30,369 - Who wears a cape? - He's very independent. 324 00:17:30,529 --> 00:17:32,042 He doesn't follow the trends. 325 00:17:32,689 --> 00:17:34,919 He looks ridiculous in that thing. 326 00:17:35,089 --> 00:17:36,363 You have no eye for fashion! 327 00:17:36,529 --> 00:17:38,918 - I have no eye for fashion? - All right. 328 00:17:39,089 --> 00:17:42,445 Come on. Let's not fight. 329 00:17:42,609 --> 00:17:44,327 - All right, all right. - All right. 330 00:17:44,489 --> 00:17:46,366 Georgie's right. 331 00:17:47,529 --> 00:17:49,281 So, what made you change your mind? 332 00:17:49,449 --> 00:17:52,521 It was that Chinese woman. 333 00:17:54,369 --> 00:17:56,929 What did you tell Mrs. Costanza that changed her mind? 334 00:17:57,089 --> 00:17:59,728 Mentioned a few bits of wisdom from Confucius. 335 00:17:59,889 --> 00:18:02,449 - Confucius, huh? - Yeah. 336 00:18:02,969 --> 00:18:05,483 You know, you're not Chinese. 337 00:18:09,729 --> 00:18:11,048 Hey, I heard the good news. 338 00:18:11,209 --> 00:18:14,485 Jerry, how come you didn't say hello to me the other day? 339 00:18:14,649 --> 00:18:17,800 - Elaine was in a rush. - I knew it was Elaine. 340 00:18:19,209 --> 00:18:20,688 You must be Estelle. 341 00:18:20,849 --> 00:18:23,682 - Yes. Who are you? - I'm Donna Chang. 342 00:18:24,329 --> 00:18:26,445 You're not Chinese. 343 00:18:29,849 --> 00:18:31,077 Hello? 344 00:18:31,249 --> 00:18:33,001 - Paul? - Elaine. 345 00:18:33,209 --> 00:18:35,040 Kramer? 346 00:18:35,209 --> 00:18:37,086 Yeah! 347 00:18:38,609 --> 00:18:41,407 - What are you doing there? - Well, isn't it obvious? 348 00:18:43,249 --> 00:18:46,446 - Is Noreen there? - Yes, she is. 349 00:18:46,609 --> 00:18:49,169 Well, can I talk to her? 350 00:18:49,329 --> 00:18:51,559 What, am I too boring for you? 351 00:18:52,209 --> 00:18:53,927 All right. Would you just put her on? 352 00:18:54,089 --> 00:18:57,240 I feel it would be best that you didn't talk to Noreen for a while. 353 00:18:57,409 --> 00:18:59,240 - You feel? - That's right. 354 00:18:59,409 --> 00:19:01,479 She and I have had a very long talk. 355 00:19:01,649 --> 00:19:04,402 And I was appalled to learn of the destructive influence... 356 00:19:04,569 --> 00:19:08,528 ...you've had over her life lo these many years. 357 00:19:08,689 --> 00:19:12,443 - What, are you insane? - From now on, I'll be calling the shots. 358 00:19:13,369 --> 00:19:14,848 And what are you gonna tell her? 359 00:19:15,009 --> 00:19:18,285 Well, I've encouraged her to go back into the Army. 360 00:19:18,769 --> 00:19:22,284 There she'll get the structure and discipline she needs right now. 361 00:19:22,449 --> 00:19:26,522 And she'll have qualified officers telling her what to do. 362 00:19:27,249 --> 00:19:29,968 Kramer, you have got to let me talk to her. 363 00:19:30,129 --> 00:19:32,120 Can't help you, kid. 364 00:19:32,329 --> 00:19:34,843 - You're not Chinese? - No. 365 00:19:35,009 --> 00:19:37,648 - I thought you were Chinese. - I'm from Long Island. 366 00:19:37,809 --> 00:19:39,401 Long Island? 367 00:19:39,569 --> 00:19:42,606 I thought I was getting advice from a Chinese woman. 368 00:19:42,769 --> 00:19:45,647 - I'm sorry. - Well, then... 369 00:19:45,809 --> 00:19:49,006 - ... that changes everything. - What? 370 00:19:49,169 --> 00:19:52,241 She's not Chinese. I was duped! 371 00:19:53,249 --> 00:19:56,525 So what? She still gave you advice. What's the difference? 372 00:19:56,689 --> 00:20:00,204 I'm not taking advice from some girl from Long Island. 373 00:20:00,409 --> 00:20:03,401 Now you're getting a divorce because she's from Long Island? 374 00:20:03,569 --> 00:20:06,527 You want a divorce? You got one! 375 00:20:08,049 --> 00:20:11,246 You know, you might wanna think about changing your name. 376 00:20:11,729 --> 00:20:14,448 Ever since she started dating Kramer, she won't talk to me. 377 00:20:14,609 --> 00:20:15,928 Noreen listened to you... 378 00:20:16,089 --> 00:20:18,649 ...like George's mother listens to the Chinese. 379 00:20:18,809 --> 00:20:22,358 Everybody listens to the Chinese. Look at the fortune cookie. 380 00:20:22,529 --> 00:20:24,360 You couldn't get away with that at other restaurants. 381 00:20:24,529 --> 00:20:27,248 Yeah, no one's reading any rolled up messages in a knish. 382 00:20:28,809 --> 00:20:32,688 Well, it had to happen. I knew it. I predicted it. 383 00:20:33,409 --> 00:20:35,877 Saw both of them today. What a disaster. 384 00:20:36,729 --> 00:20:38,287 I'm running all over Queens. 385 00:20:38,449 --> 00:20:40,519 First, I saw my mother. We had lunch together. 386 00:20:40,689 --> 00:20:43,487 I never had lunch with my mother before. It's like a date. 387 00:20:43,649 --> 00:20:46,766 Then we drive down to Kew Gardens, tons of traffic, I see my father. 388 00:20:46,929 --> 00:20:48,567 We played Clue. 389 00:20:48,729 --> 00:20:49,957 All day with this! 390 00:20:50,129 --> 00:20:52,040 Hey, Jerry! Guess what? 391 00:20:52,209 --> 00:20:54,404 The Kramer name might live on! 392 00:20:54,569 --> 00:20:55,922 Noreen's late! 393 00:20:56,089 --> 00:20:58,887 She's late! 394 00:21:23,889 --> 00:21:26,722 - Who are you? - I'm Frank Costanza's lawyer. 395 00:21:52,569 --> 00:21:54,560 Subtitles by SDl Media Group