1 00:00:02,367 --> 00:00:04,005 The big new accessory with eyeglasses... 2 00:00:05,327 --> 00:00:08,239 ...seems to be that strap that connects so you can take them on and off... 3 00:00:08,407 --> 00:00:11,444 ...which I don't get because if you have glasses, isn't that because... 4 00:00:11,607 --> 00:00:14,041 ...you need to wear glasses? 5 00:00:14,207 --> 00:00:16,118 "You need glasses." Isn't that what they say? 6 00:00:16,287 --> 00:00:17,640 An eye doctor doesn't say: 7 00:00:17,807 --> 00:00:20,196 "Would you care for some glasses?" 8 00:00:21,847 --> 00:00:24,759 People with crutches don't have a chain attached to their belt... 9 00:00:24,927 --> 00:00:28,442 ...so they can just let go of them every now and then. 10 00:00:28,607 --> 00:00:31,075 Why not get a toupee with a rubber band for water- skiing? 11 00:00:31,247 --> 00:00:33,078 The thing could just... 12 00:00:40,767 --> 00:00:42,041 Hey, George. 13 00:00:43,167 --> 00:00:44,725 Gary? 14 00:00:45,287 --> 00:00:46,606 Where the hell have you been? 15 00:00:46,767 --> 00:00:48,439 I've been leaving messages for months. 16 00:00:48,607 --> 00:00:50,677 - I know, I've been busy. - Don't give me busy. 17 00:00:50,847 --> 00:00:54,920 Who's not busy? I'm busy. We're all busy. Everybody's busy. 18 00:00:55,087 --> 00:00:57,647 All right. Tell me. What's kept you so busy? 19 00:00:57,807 --> 00:00:59,445 Mostly chemotherapy. 20 00:00:59,607 --> 00:01:01,325 Hey, I'll see you. 21 00:01:06,607 --> 00:01:08,518 Hey, pig! 22 00:01:13,007 --> 00:01:14,440 Hey, hey, hey! 23 00:01:15,247 --> 00:01:16,839 So you called the cop a pig? 24 00:01:17,007 --> 00:01:18,918 I was yelling at the litterbug. 25 00:01:19,087 --> 00:01:20,406 I mean, this is my town. 26 00:01:20,567 --> 00:01:23,559 You don't throw trash on the streets of my town. 27 00:01:23,727 --> 00:01:25,558 So, didn't you explain that to the cop? 28 00:01:25,727 --> 00:01:27,957 No, I fled the scene. 29 00:01:29,287 --> 00:01:31,596 - Hey. - Hey. 30 00:01:32,367 --> 00:01:35,564 Kramer, I need to talk to Jerry privately. 31 00:01:37,447 --> 00:01:39,039 What about? 32 00:01:41,407 --> 00:01:43,398 - Kramer. - Oh, come on, George... 33 00:01:43,567 --> 00:01:44,886 ...you can share it with me. 34 00:01:45,047 --> 00:01:47,481 - You're hurting me. - You gonna share with me next time? 35 00:01:47,647 --> 00:01:51,879 - Sure. I swear. - All right. I'm looking forward to it. 36 00:02:01,447 --> 00:02:03,563 All right, I got news. You ready? 37 00:02:05,487 --> 00:02:09,116 - Gary Fogel had cancer. - Oh, yeah, I knew. 38 00:02:09,287 --> 00:02:12,165 - You knew? How did you know? - He told me a few months ago. 39 00:02:12,327 --> 00:02:13,646 Why did he tell you and not me? 40 00:02:13,807 --> 00:02:17,243 - I don't know. - How are you closer to him than me? 41 00:02:18,127 --> 00:02:20,322 - So is he okay? - Oh, yeah, he's fine. 42 00:02:20,487 --> 00:02:22,318 He was in bad shape for a while, though. 43 00:02:22,487 --> 00:02:24,284 Really? How bad? Was he on his deathbed? 44 00:02:24,447 --> 00:02:26,597 No, he was on his regular bed. 45 00:02:27,087 --> 00:02:28,361 So why didn't you tell me? 46 00:02:28,527 --> 00:02:30,916 - He swore me to secrecy. - So? 47 00:02:31,087 --> 00:02:32,361 It's not like you're my wife. 48 00:02:32,527 --> 00:02:34,279 I still think you should've told me. 49 00:02:34,447 --> 00:02:35,846 You were better off not knowing. 50 00:02:36,007 --> 00:02:38,567 It's not easy to deal with someone in a situation like this. 51 00:02:38,727 --> 00:02:41,400 I was so nice to him I almost made myself sick. 52 00:02:41,567 --> 00:02:43,080 I'm gonna talk to him about this. 53 00:02:43,247 --> 00:02:44,839 That's right. You let him have it. 54 00:02:45,007 --> 00:02:47,396 Who is he not to tell you about his life- threatening illness? 55 00:02:47,567 --> 00:02:49,717 - That's what I'm saying. - His illness is your business. 56 00:02:49,887 --> 00:02:52,765 - Lf not mine, whose? - Lf not now, when? 57 00:02:53,927 --> 00:02:55,724 Were you just talking about me? 58 00:02:55,887 --> 00:02:57,718 No, an old friend of ours, Gary. 59 00:02:57,887 --> 00:02:59,559 Oh, the guy with cancer? 60 00:03:00,287 --> 00:03:02,278 You told her? She's not your wife. 61 00:03:02,447 --> 00:03:04,438 If I told you, you would've given it away. 62 00:03:04,607 --> 00:03:07,883 - You don't think I can keep a secret? - No, but he would have read your face. 63 00:03:08,487 --> 00:03:12,036 - You don't trust my poker face? - Do you ever win at poker? 64 00:03:13,287 --> 00:03:14,766 No. 65 00:03:15,567 --> 00:03:18,923 Hey. Oh, I just saw your old boyfriend on TV. 66 00:03:19,087 --> 00:03:20,679 - Jake Jarmel? - Yeah. 67 00:03:20,847 --> 00:03:23,361 I like those glasses he was wearing. Where'd he get those? 68 00:03:23,527 --> 00:03:25,324 - Why? You don't wear glasses. - I know. 69 00:03:25,487 --> 00:03:27,159 But I need a new look. I'm stagnating. 70 00:03:28,167 --> 00:03:31,204 I have to say, as a glasses- wearer, I take exception to that. 71 00:03:31,367 --> 00:03:34,598 That's like me buying a wheelchair to cruise around in. 72 00:03:35,247 --> 00:03:37,078 Yeah, I've considered that. 73 00:03:37,727 --> 00:03:40,036 Look, how do I get in touch with this guy? 74 00:03:40,367 --> 00:03:43,006 He's having a two-day book signing at Walden's. 75 00:03:43,167 --> 00:03:44,839 You know, we had a really bad breakup. 76 00:03:45,007 --> 00:03:46,759 The Jujyfruits? 77 00:03:47,167 --> 00:03:49,442 Yeah, the Jujyfruits. 78 00:03:52,007 --> 00:03:53,360 Okay, K-Man. 79 00:03:53,527 --> 00:03:55,995 - Enjoy the book. - Thank you. Listen, Jake... 80 00:03:56,167 --> 00:03:57,964 ...where did you get those eyeglass frames? 81 00:03:58,127 --> 00:04:00,197 - I can't tell you. - You don't know where? 82 00:04:00,367 --> 00:04:03,086 Yes, I do, but I don't want anyone else to have them. 83 00:04:03,247 --> 00:04:06,045 Well, that's peculiar. 84 00:04:09,527 --> 00:04:11,882 Oh, there's that woman that never talks to anybody. 85 00:04:12,327 --> 00:04:13,316 Really? 86 00:04:13,487 --> 00:04:15,398 Every day she comes in and reads. 87 00:04:15,567 --> 00:04:16,841 Never talks to anybody. 88 00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:19,646 Oh, I spoke to Debby Biblow. She said to say hi. 89 00:04:20,167 --> 00:04:21,236 Really? 90 00:04:22,047 --> 00:04:24,356 Gary, I really have to say I'm a little bit hurt... 91 00:04:24,527 --> 00:04:26,563 ...that you didn't decide to confide in me. 92 00:04:26,727 --> 00:04:29,560 Well, frankly, you can't keep a secret. 93 00:04:29,727 --> 00:04:33,163 You know, you'd get two pair, the whole table knows. 94 00:04:33,327 --> 00:04:34,760 Well, I still think it was wrong. 95 00:04:34,927 --> 00:04:37,487 I'm sorry. All right? I guess I was just thinking of myself. 96 00:04:37,647 --> 00:04:39,285 Yes. 97 00:04:41,007 --> 00:04:43,396 So I called the litterbug a pig. Not you. 98 00:04:43,567 --> 00:04:46,127 I like policemen. I wanted to be a policeman. 99 00:04:46,287 --> 00:04:48,118 Yeah, so why didn't you? 100 00:04:48,287 --> 00:04:50,278 I'm scared of being shot. 101 00:04:50,767 --> 00:04:53,281 Mr. Kramer, let me tell you a story. 102 00:04:53,447 --> 00:04:58,237 In 1979, I ticketed a brown Dodge Diplomat for parking in a church zone. 103 00:04:58,407 --> 00:05:00,159 That fine was never paid. 104 00:05:00,327 --> 00:05:03,239 And since then, that scofflaw has piled up more parking tickets... 105 00:05:03,407 --> 00:05:05,159 ...than anyone in New York City. 106 00:05:05,327 --> 00:05:07,887 For 16 years I pursued him... 107 00:05:08,047 --> 00:05:11,039 ...only to see him give me the slip time and time again. 108 00:05:11,207 --> 00:05:13,402 I've never got a clean look at his face... 109 00:05:13,567 --> 00:05:16,525 ...but he's become my white whale. 110 00:05:16,687 --> 00:05:19,884 Mr. Kramer, that day was yesterday. 111 00:05:20,047 --> 00:05:24,040 But thanks to you, I don't know if I'll ever get that chance again. 112 00:05:24,807 --> 00:05:27,002 I like that eye patch. 113 00:05:29,127 --> 00:05:31,595 All right. I'm gonna move my car. My meter's up. 114 00:05:32,127 --> 00:05:35,199 - You can't park in this city. - Hey. 115 00:05:35,367 --> 00:05:37,164 George, you know that company I work for? 116 00:05:37,327 --> 00:05:39,079 They own the parking lot around the corner. 117 00:05:39,247 --> 00:05:43,240 - Oh, that's a Kinney lot? - Yeah. There's a space opening and... 118 00:05:43,407 --> 00:05:45,523 ...I could get it for you. You'd just pay tax. 119 00:05:45,687 --> 00:05:47,325 It'd be, like, 50 a month. 120 00:05:47,687 --> 00:05:49,723 Fifty bucks a month? That's incredible. 121 00:05:49,887 --> 00:05:51,161 Okay. Thanks. 122 00:05:51,327 --> 00:05:52,999 I got lunch, all right? 123 00:05:53,927 --> 00:05:55,360 Still owe me a secret. 124 00:05:57,527 --> 00:05:59,757 All right, there is something I haven't told you. 125 00:05:59,927 --> 00:06:02,999 - Yeah? - But you can't tell Jerry. 126 00:06:03,447 --> 00:06:07,406 What do you think, I tell Jerry everything? It's not like he's my wife. 127 00:06:08,287 --> 00:06:09,720 Okay. Well... 128 00:06:10,487 --> 00:06:12,443 ...the thing is I've been living a lie. 129 00:06:12,967 --> 00:06:15,401 Just one? I'm living, like, 20. 130 00:06:17,287 --> 00:06:18,436 What's yours? 131 00:06:18,607 --> 00:06:20,279 Well, I... 132 00:06:20,967 --> 00:06:23,322 I never actually had cancer. 133 00:06:23,487 --> 00:06:25,125 I'll see you. 134 00:06:27,407 --> 00:06:29,682 So he refused to tell you where he got the glasses? 135 00:06:29,847 --> 00:06:31,326 Flat out refused. 136 00:06:31,487 --> 00:06:33,637 Yeah, isn't that just like him? 137 00:06:33,807 --> 00:06:36,162 You know, he has to be the only one who has them. 138 00:06:36,327 --> 00:06:38,716 Yeah, tell me about it, soul sister. 139 00:06:38,887 --> 00:06:42,118 - Anyway, I told Jake that you said hi. - What? 140 00:06:42,887 --> 00:06:45,162 - You told Jake I said hi? - Yeah. 141 00:06:45,327 --> 00:06:47,966 I can't believe you did that. Why did you tell him I said hi? 142 00:06:48,127 --> 00:06:50,357 I never said hi. When did I say hi? 143 00:06:50,527 --> 00:06:52,563 - I never heard her say hi. - It's common courtesy. 144 00:06:52,727 --> 00:06:56,879 No, no, Kramer. You don't understand. He made the last contact between us. 145 00:06:57,047 --> 00:07:00,801 I had the upper hand in the post-breakup relationship. 146 00:07:01,287 --> 00:07:04,597 If he thinks that I said hi, then I lose the upper hand. 147 00:07:04,767 --> 00:07:06,439 It's like a game of tag. 148 00:07:07,007 --> 00:07:08,759 - Where are you going? - Nowhere. 149 00:07:08,927 --> 00:07:10,758 You're going to the bookstore to see Jake. 150 00:07:10,927 --> 00:07:12,155 - So what if I do? - Listen... 151 00:07:12,327 --> 00:07:15,717 ...if you're going, you can get him to tell you where he got those glasses. 152 00:07:15,887 --> 00:07:17,559 Elaine! 153 00:07:18,087 --> 00:07:19,440 Hey. 154 00:07:20,167 --> 00:07:23,876 - How'd it go with Gary? - Fine. Fine. 155 00:07:25,607 --> 00:07:28,201 - Really? - Yeah. 156 00:07:29,767 --> 00:07:34,397 - Looks like something's on your mind. - No, nothing. I'm fine. 157 00:07:35,647 --> 00:07:38,115 So that's your poker face. 158 00:07:41,327 --> 00:07:43,204 - A regular face. - No, it isn't. 159 00:07:43,367 --> 00:07:45,517 I've seen your regular face. That is not it. 160 00:07:47,807 --> 00:07:49,206 What are you saying? 161 00:07:49,367 --> 00:07:51,722 All right, George, come on. What do you got? 162 00:07:52,527 --> 00:07:55,246 - I got nothing. - What do got? A pair of bullets? 163 00:07:56,127 --> 00:07:57,480 What are you talking about? 164 00:07:57,647 --> 00:07:59,000 Two pair? Three of a kind? 165 00:07:59,167 --> 00:08:02,716 - Will you stop it? - Oh, my God. You got a flush. 166 00:08:03,087 --> 00:08:05,396 - You're holding a flush. - I don't have a flush. 167 00:08:05,567 --> 00:08:08,206 A full house? You got a full house? 168 00:08:08,527 --> 00:08:12,281 Turn them over, George. I wanna see them. Come on. I'm calling. 169 00:08:12,447 --> 00:08:15,996 - What do you got? - Gary Fogel never had cancer! 170 00:08:20,847 --> 00:08:24,203 So you see, Kramer took it upon himself to say hi to you for me... 171 00:08:24,367 --> 00:08:27,006 ...when in fact, it was an unauthorised hi. 172 00:08:27,167 --> 00:08:29,237 - You didn't say hi? - That's what I'm saying. 173 00:08:29,407 --> 00:08:31,318 - That's what you came to tell me? - Correct. 174 00:08:31,487 --> 00:08:33,079 - You never said hi. - Correct. 175 00:08:33,247 --> 00:08:35,158 - You still like me, don't you? - Correct. What? 176 00:08:35,327 --> 00:08:37,795 Hey, I have been trying to get this book signed all day. 177 00:08:37,967 --> 00:08:41,960 How can you say that I still like you when I didn't even say hi to you? 178 00:08:42,127 --> 00:08:44,038 Coming down to say that you didn't say hi... 179 00:08:44,207 --> 00:08:46,357 ...is more of a gesture than if you did say hi. 180 00:08:47,127 --> 00:08:48,606 Jake... 181 00:08:50,927 --> 00:08:52,519 The doctors thought he had cancer... 182 00:08:52,687 --> 00:08:55,076 ...but the surgery revealed he never actually had it. 183 00:08:55,247 --> 00:08:57,203 - So, what was wrong with him? - Nothing. 184 00:08:57,367 --> 00:08:58,925 He's been lying to me for two months? 185 00:08:59,087 --> 00:09:01,920 - That's right. - What kind of person is this? 186 00:09:02,087 --> 00:09:05,363 There's one other person who might do something like this, and that's you. 187 00:09:05,807 --> 00:09:07,957 - Well... - I don't even think you could do it. 188 00:09:08,127 --> 00:09:09,958 No, I could do it. 189 00:09:10,127 --> 00:09:12,846 - Yeah, I guess you could. - Come on. 190 00:09:13,727 --> 00:09:16,685 He was so worried about losing more hair with chemo treatments... 191 00:09:16,847 --> 00:09:20,522 ...I bought him an unlimited gift certificate at the Hair Team For Men... 192 00:09:20,687 --> 00:09:22,200 ...just to put his mind at ease? 193 00:09:22,567 --> 00:09:23,795 - You did that? - Yeah! 194 00:09:23,967 --> 00:09:27,562 - Oh, I can't wait to talk to this guy. - Wait! You can't say anything. 195 00:09:27,727 --> 00:09:29,877 - Why not? - Because he'll know I told you. 196 00:09:30,047 --> 00:09:33,323 Besides, he's giving me a parking spot around the corner for nothing. 197 00:09:33,487 --> 00:09:35,443 So because you're getting free parking... 198 00:09:35,607 --> 00:09:37,359 ...I gotta pretend this guy had cancer? 199 00:09:37,527 --> 00:09:39,199 Yeah. 200 00:09:40,127 --> 00:09:41,560 Well, I don't like it. 201 00:09:41,727 --> 00:09:44,525 I don't like it one bit. And I'm supposed to see him tomorrow. 202 00:09:44,687 --> 00:09:46,325 Maintain the same disposition. 203 00:09:46,487 --> 00:09:48,682 You can't act any differently. You have to be nice. 204 00:09:48,847 --> 00:09:51,486 - Why didn't he tell me? - Because you were being so nice. 205 00:09:51,647 --> 00:09:54,207 - I don't think I could be that nice. - You be nice! 206 00:10:10,447 --> 00:10:11,721 Gary? 207 00:10:11,887 --> 00:10:13,286 What do you think? 208 00:10:13,447 --> 00:10:15,085 Check it out. 209 00:10:18,927 --> 00:10:21,805 - Is that from my gift certificate? - Yeah, buddy. 210 00:10:21,967 --> 00:10:23,798 You came through. You've been so nice. 211 00:10:23,967 --> 00:10:26,606 Yeah, well, I'm glad you could take advantage. 212 00:10:26,767 --> 00:10:29,964 Yeah. Hey, know what I'm thinking of doing? 213 00:10:30,127 --> 00:10:33,437 I'm getting rid of all my fillings because that mercury's toxic. 214 00:10:33,607 --> 00:10:35,962 - Hey, let me see your fillings. - I don't think so. 215 00:10:36,567 --> 00:10:38,717 Oh, come on. Open up. Let me take a look. 216 00:10:39,327 --> 00:10:42,080 You be nice. He's giving me a parking space. 217 00:10:42,247 --> 00:10:45,603 Parking space. Parking space. 218 00:10:49,687 --> 00:10:51,200 Well, what do you know. 219 00:10:51,367 --> 00:10:55,724 - Hey, lookie there. You're loaded. - Okay. 220 00:10:56,207 --> 00:10:57,401 Hey, look who's over there. 221 00:10:57,887 --> 00:10:59,400 Miss Cool Toes. 222 00:11:00,207 --> 00:11:02,038 Check this out, Jack. 223 00:11:03,087 --> 00:11:04,964 Hey, buddy. 224 00:11:05,127 --> 00:11:06,560 Hey. 225 00:11:07,127 --> 00:11:09,243 Look at you. What's this? 226 00:11:09,407 --> 00:11:12,524 - It's an eye patch. - You look like a pirate. 227 00:11:12,967 --> 00:11:14,878 I wanna be a pirate. 228 00:11:15,727 --> 00:11:18,002 - This is Gary. - How are you doing? 229 00:11:24,607 --> 00:11:27,041 Well, I tell you, there's only one problem. 230 00:11:31,287 --> 00:11:33,005 Can't see on your right side? 231 00:11:33,527 --> 00:11:36,644 No. It's itchy. 232 00:11:38,847 --> 00:11:41,236 - Nice car. - Yeah. 233 00:11:41,767 --> 00:11:43,837 Once belonged to Jon Voight. 234 00:11:44,007 --> 00:11:46,316 - Really? - Sure did. 235 00:11:49,327 --> 00:11:53,240 So, what made you just call me out of the blue like that? 236 00:11:53,407 --> 00:11:58,083 Oh, well, Gary told me you said hi. 237 00:11:58,807 --> 00:12:02,243 - I didn't say hi. - You didn't? 238 00:12:02,407 --> 00:12:06,605 No, I told him to send you my regards. I didn't say hi. 239 00:12:06,967 --> 00:12:10,357 - Regards? - Yeah, regards. 240 00:12:13,647 --> 00:12:16,036 Anyway, I admit I was dumb to go to the bookstore... 241 00:12:16,207 --> 00:12:19,438 ...to tell him I didn't say hi, but he didn't have to act so smug. 242 00:12:19,607 --> 00:12:21,916 Oh, I hate smugness. Don't you hate smugness? 243 00:12:22,087 --> 00:12:24,920 Smugness is not a good quality. 244 00:12:25,167 --> 00:12:27,397 Oh, my God, that man over there. 245 00:12:27,567 --> 00:12:32,163 I think he's wearing glasses that look like Jake's. Pull over. Stop the car. 246 00:12:32,647 --> 00:12:35,480 Here. I think I've got a way of getting back at my ex- boyfriend. 247 00:12:35,647 --> 00:12:38,559 Good. Revenge is very good. 248 00:12:39,247 --> 00:12:40,885 Excuse me. 249 00:12:41,047 --> 00:12:44,323 - Excuse me. Excuse me. Sir, sir? - Yeah. 250 00:12:45,447 --> 00:12:48,598 If you don't mind my asking, could you tell me where you got your glasses? 251 00:12:48,767 --> 00:12:50,166 - Malaysia. - Malaysia? 252 00:12:50,327 --> 00:12:51,885 Yeah. 253 00:12:52,047 --> 00:12:55,323 Look, I know this'll sound odd, but can I buy them from you? 254 00:12:56,167 --> 00:13:00,319 Actually, I was gonna buy a new pair. But I can barely see without these. 255 00:13:00,847 --> 00:13:04,920 - Come on. - Well, these were expensive. 256 00:13:05,127 --> 00:13:07,038 Let's start the bidding. 257 00:13:08,087 --> 00:13:10,123 So you didn't think this was a date? 258 00:13:10,287 --> 00:13:12,847 No, not really. Why? Is it a date? 259 00:13:13,007 --> 00:13:14,326 I thought it was a date. 260 00:13:14,487 --> 00:13:16,603 No, it's not a date. 261 00:13:16,767 --> 00:13:19,122 - What about the regards? - Regards don't mean anything. 262 00:13:19,287 --> 00:13:21,676 I mean, it's not like I said hi. 263 00:13:21,887 --> 00:13:23,798 I mean, the fact is... 264 00:13:24,567 --> 00:13:27,400 ...I shouldn't say anything. - No, tell me. 265 00:13:27,607 --> 00:13:30,997 - Can you keep a secret? - Me? Oh, yeah. 266 00:13:32,607 --> 00:13:35,485 I never had feelings for Gary until he got sick. 267 00:13:35,647 --> 00:13:41,244 But he was so brave and gained such a wonderful perspective on life. 268 00:13:41,647 --> 00:13:43,239 I fell in love with him. 269 00:13:43,407 --> 00:13:45,637 Yeah, he's got some perspective there. 270 00:13:46,007 --> 00:13:48,646 - Hey, you know what the whip does? - What whip? 271 00:13:48,807 --> 00:13:51,241 The whip in the Senate and the House. 272 00:13:51,407 --> 00:13:53,841 Well, in the old days when the senators didn't vote... 273 00:13:54,007 --> 00:13:57,477 ...the way that the party leaders wanted them to, they whipped them. 274 00:13:58,927 --> 00:14:04,365 "You better vote the way we want you to, or there's gonna be big trouble." 275 00:14:06,447 --> 00:14:08,324 She won't talk to anyone, huh? 276 00:14:08,487 --> 00:14:12,036 Oh, no, she won't say a word to anybody. 277 00:14:12,207 --> 00:14:16,883 Well, she's talking a blue streak now, Jack. 278 00:14:22,767 --> 00:14:25,804 Well, well, the white whale. 279 00:14:26,247 --> 00:14:28,681 Oh, look at this. There's no place to park around here. 280 00:14:28,847 --> 00:14:30,599 I don't know why they even sell cars here. 281 00:14:30,767 --> 00:14:32,917 Don't complain. At least you have your health. 282 00:14:38,607 --> 00:14:40,518 George, watch out for that man! 283 00:14:44,767 --> 00:14:47,600 Hey, hey, get back here. 284 00:14:48,087 --> 00:14:51,318 Newman? The white whale. 285 00:14:52,647 --> 00:14:54,763 Can you believe he sold his glasses on the street? 286 00:14:54,927 --> 00:14:59,239 Can you believe someone would lie about chemotherapy to get a wig? 287 00:14:59,807 --> 00:15:02,765 - Would you do that? - No, definitely not. 288 00:15:02,927 --> 00:15:04,838 I'm pretty sure I wouldn't. 289 00:15:05,007 --> 00:15:07,601 Know what else? He picked up that woman in the coffee shop. 290 00:15:07,887 --> 00:15:09,445 - The one who sits by herself? - Yeah. 291 00:15:09,607 --> 00:15:11,199 - How? - Because he was brimming... 292 00:15:11,367 --> 00:15:14,439 ...with confidence from the toupee. - Really? 293 00:15:14,607 --> 00:15:18,600 Debby told me she fell in love with him because he has perspective. 294 00:15:18,767 --> 00:15:20,837 She thinks a guy who lies about an illness... 295 00:15:21,007 --> 00:15:23,202 ...so he can get some phoney hair has perspective? 296 00:15:27,447 --> 00:15:29,802 - He picked her up? - Walked right over to her table. 297 00:15:30,567 --> 00:15:32,000 Wow. 298 00:15:38,767 --> 00:15:42,123 Jake. Jake, take a look. 299 00:15:42,887 --> 00:15:45,606 See? You're not the only one who has them. I have them too. 300 00:15:45,767 --> 00:15:48,486 - Where did you get those? - Malaysia. I was in the area. 301 00:15:52,967 --> 00:15:55,037 - Kramer. - Just drive. 302 00:15:55,207 --> 00:15:58,199 All right. Now you listen, and you listen good. 303 00:15:58,367 --> 00:16:00,198 I know who you are. 304 00:16:00,367 --> 00:16:02,483 You're the scofflaw. 305 00:16:02,967 --> 00:16:07,119 - What are you talking about? - Don't play dumb. It's me, Cosmo. 306 00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:09,280 All right, so it's me. So what? 307 00:16:09,447 --> 00:16:13,076 You don't think I know how you're feeling every second of the day? 308 00:16:13,247 --> 00:16:16,045 Looking over your shoulder to see if someone's coming up... 309 00:16:16,207 --> 00:16:18,721 ...sitting alone at night knowing they could be closing in. 310 00:16:18,887 --> 00:16:23,005 - I can't sleep, I tell you. I can't sleep. - Of course you can't, you poor sap. 311 00:16:23,167 --> 00:16:25,806 - Why didn't you tell me? - I couldn't. I couldn't tell anyone. 312 00:16:25,967 --> 00:16:28,003 So you've been living this secret by yourself? 313 00:16:28,167 --> 00:16:30,442 - It's been awful. - Yeah. 314 00:16:30,967 --> 00:16:33,197 I wanted to tell somebody. 315 00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:36,837 - Help me, Kramer. Help me. - All right, I'm gonna help you. 316 00:16:37,007 --> 00:16:40,124 I'll try some on, we'll see how they look. It's just hair. 317 00:16:40,287 --> 00:16:42,118 Ever see what that looks like in the back? 318 00:16:42,287 --> 00:16:44,005 You got natural curls on the bottom... 319 00:16:44,167 --> 00:16:46,761 ...and that big phoney mat coming down on top of it. 320 00:16:46,927 --> 00:16:49,600 Some look good. The ones that look good, you don't know about. 321 00:16:49,767 --> 00:16:52,235 What if you got involved with a woman? How do you tell her? 322 00:16:52,407 --> 00:16:54,637 The way they make them, I'll never have to tell her. 323 00:16:54,807 --> 00:16:56,843 So you keep it a secret your whole life? 324 00:16:57,007 --> 00:16:59,726 Then at your funeral, the mortician comes out, " Mrs. Costanza... 325 00:16:59,887 --> 00:17:02,037 ...I thought you might want this." 326 00:17:04,887 --> 00:17:08,323 It's no secret that it's my dream to have my own publishing house. 327 00:17:08,487 --> 00:17:11,559 If this Jake Jarmel book does, you know, what I think it's gonna do... 328 00:17:11,727 --> 00:17:14,287 ...if I can get this whole thing off the ground, then... 329 00:17:14,447 --> 00:17:18,565 ...I think I'll have something for you. - Oh, Mr. Lippman. 330 00:17:19,247 --> 00:17:22,080 That is so exciting. I mean, you have no idea... 331 00:17:22,247 --> 00:17:25,637 ...how sick I am of running around town looking for socks. 332 00:17:26,047 --> 00:17:27,958 By the way, those are great glasses. 333 00:17:28,127 --> 00:17:30,687 - Oh, really, you like them? - Very unusual. 334 00:17:30,847 --> 00:17:32,439 - Well, you know what? - What? 335 00:17:32,607 --> 00:17:33,960 - You can have them. - No, no. 336 00:17:34,127 --> 00:17:35,879 No, no. Go to that place on the corner. 337 00:17:36,047 --> 00:17:38,322 They'll change the prescription in an hour. Take them. 338 00:17:38,487 --> 00:17:39,886 - Really? - I have no use for them. 339 00:17:40,047 --> 00:17:41,275 - Honestly. - I could use... 340 00:17:41,447 --> 00:17:44,166 ...a new pair of reading glasses. - They're from Malaysia. 341 00:17:44,327 --> 00:17:47,080 - Oh, yeah? - Fabulous. 342 00:17:48,567 --> 00:17:50,956 Well, Mr. Newman, in all my years on the bench... 343 00:17:51,127 --> 00:17:55,040 ...I have never come across anything quite like this. 344 00:17:55,887 --> 00:18:00,802 I have given this matter some serious consideration, and I've decided that... 345 00:18:00,967 --> 00:18:05,677 ...what's best for the city and possibly yourself, is for you to keep your car... 346 00:18:05,847 --> 00:18:09,806 ...in a garage that is conveniently located next to your home. 347 00:18:09,967 --> 00:18:11,480 I can't afford that. 348 00:18:11,767 --> 00:18:14,520 Afford it you will, Mr. Newman... 349 00:18:14,687 --> 00:18:18,885 ...or this court will see that your car is impounded and sold at auction. 350 00:18:19,047 --> 00:18:21,959 Well, don't you worry, Your Honour. He's in my custody. 351 00:18:27,687 --> 00:18:29,245 Well, what do you think? 352 00:18:31,367 --> 00:18:33,801 I really can't say. 353 00:18:34,767 --> 00:18:37,645 - No, say. I want you to say. - It's not good, okay? 354 00:18:37,807 --> 00:18:39,559 It's not good. 355 00:18:39,727 --> 00:18:40,955 You look... 356 00:18:41,127 --> 00:18:42,446 ...stupid. 357 00:18:42,607 --> 00:18:43,881 I'm sorry. 358 00:18:44,367 --> 00:18:47,404 You have to realise this has not been custom-fitted to his scalp. 359 00:18:47,567 --> 00:18:49,637 I really think this looks pretty good. 360 00:18:49,807 --> 00:18:51,798 Why not get white shoes, move to Miami Beach... 361 00:18:51,967 --> 00:18:53,878 ...and get the whole thing over with? 362 00:18:57,647 --> 00:18:59,524 Maybe you could show me something else. 363 00:18:59,687 --> 00:19:03,441 As I said, it'll be different once we design something specifically for you. 364 00:19:03,607 --> 00:19:06,041 But I don't think your friend here is being very helpful. 365 00:19:06,207 --> 00:19:09,358 Oh, hey. I'm being helpful. I am the only one being helpful. 366 00:19:09,527 --> 00:19:12,087 I don't think you're being helpful! You're being disruptive. 367 00:19:12,247 --> 00:19:14,715 You make it difficult for your friend to improve his life. 368 00:19:14,887 --> 00:19:17,321 I'm preventing him from becoming one of those guys... 369 00:19:17,487 --> 00:19:20,240 ...people snicker at because they look ridiculous. 370 00:19:20,407 --> 00:19:22,523 No offence to you personally. 371 00:19:22,687 --> 00:19:24,678 You people with hair think you're so superior. 372 00:19:24,847 --> 00:19:26,280 You have no idea what it's like. 373 00:19:26,447 --> 00:19:28,722 You ever look in the tub and see a fistful of hair? 374 00:19:28,887 --> 00:19:30,081 Start your day with that! 375 00:19:30,247 --> 00:19:32,636 All right. Take it easy. Take it easy. 376 00:19:32,807 --> 00:19:34,286 I'm sorry. 377 00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:36,165 Please. 378 00:19:39,447 --> 00:19:41,324 Hey, Jerry. 379 00:19:41,647 --> 00:19:43,842 George, you decided to get a rug. 380 00:19:44,007 --> 00:19:46,441 Good for you, Jack. 381 00:19:47,567 --> 00:19:49,683 Well, I'm just looking, really. 382 00:19:49,847 --> 00:19:54,045 Tommy, I'm gonna need a little adjustment. 383 00:19:54,847 --> 00:19:56,724 I'll be right with you. 384 00:20:00,367 --> 00:20:03,120 Listen, George, I got some bad news. 385 00:20:03,287 --> 00:20:05,562 I'm not gonna be able to give you that parking space. 386 00:20:05,727 --> 00:20:07,718 - What? - What? 387 00:20:07,887 --> 00:20:10,117 This judge has to use it for some scofflaw. 388 00:20:10,287 --> 00:20:12,847 And you know, you can't fight city hall. 389 00:20:17,327 --> 00:20:19,477 You know, Gary... 390 00:20:22,127 --> 00:20:24,687 ...I had a little chat with George the other day. 391 00:20:25,167 --> 00:20:26,441 - You didn't! - I did. 392 00:20:26,607 --> 00:20:28,404 And he told me that... 393 00:20:28,567 --> 00:20:31,081 - I'm not 100 percent recovered yet. - Give me that thing. 394 00:20:47,887 --> 00:20:49,923 How's your life? All right? 395 00:20:50,087 --> 00:20:52,521 Yeah, not bad at all. 396 00:21:08,007 --> 00:21:10,396 And now, ladies and gentlemen of the press... 397 00:21:10,567 --> 00:21:15,561 ...it is my pleasure to introduce you to Mr. Jake Jarmel. 398 00:21:16,287 --> 00:21:18,960 So, Jake, what's your percentage on this book? 399 00:21:19,127 --> 00:21:22,119 Actually, I have some very interesting information on that. 400 00:21:22,287 --> 00:21:25,006 - You know, this is a co-venture... - Where did you get those? 401 00:21:25,167 --> 00:21:26,759 - And as such it... - Those glasses. 402 00:21:26,927 --> 00:21:29,157 - Where did you get those glasses? - Where? 403 00:21:29,327 --> 00:21:32,046 Is this supposed to be some kind of a joke on me? 404 00:21:32,207 --> 00:21:35,165 Because it's not very funny. Give me those. 405 00:21:35,327 --> 00:21:37,602 - I want the glasses. Give me those. - Wait. Calm down. 406 00:21:37,767 --> 00:21:39,598 - Give me those. - Don't touch me! 407 00:21:39,767 --> 00:21:42,281 I'm gonna go look for some socks. 408 00:21:47,807 --> 00:21:49,798 Subtitles by SDI Media Group