1 00:00:02,409 --> 00:00:04,161 The whole concept of the wanted poster... 2 00:00:05,649 --> 00:00:08,083 ...has gotta be the most optimistic crime-fighting idea. 3 00:00:08,249 --> 00:00:11,161 I mean, so how does it work? Okay. I'm on line at the post office. 4 00:00:11,329 --> 00:00:13,684 I see the guy. I see the list of offences. 5 00:00:13,849 --> 00:00:16,158 I check the guy standing in line behind me. 6 00:00:16,329 --> 00:00:20,641 If it's not him, that's pretty much all I can do. 7 00:00:20,809 --> 00:00:24,199 Okay? It's not that I don't want to help. 8 00:00:24,889 --> 00:00:27,449 Annoying thing is, why didn't they hold on to this guy... 9 00:00:27,609 --> 00:00:29,281 ...when they're taking his picture? 10 00:00:29,449 --> 00:00:32,680 "No, we don't do it that way. We take their picture and we let them go. 11 00:00:32,849 --> 00:00:35,044 That's how we get the front and side shot. 12 00:00:35,209 --> 00:00:37,848 The front is his face. The side is him leaving." 13 00:00:44,089 --> 00:00:47,240 Look at you. Why don't you use a fork. You're no good with the sticks. 14 00:00:47,409 --> 00:00:48,558 I know. I need a lesson. 15 00:00:48,729 --> 00:00:52,165 You stink. You know you stink. What is this? 16 00:00:52,329 --> 00:00:53,967 Oh, my ballet tickets. 17 00:00:54,129 --> 00:00:56,324 Oh, your ballet tickets. 18 00:00:56,489 --> 00:00:58,002 Have you ever been to the ballet? 19 00:00:58,169 --> 00:01:00,558 No, but I've seen people on tiptoes. 20 00:01:00,729 --> 00:01:03,038 - You know, I'm going as a beard. - A beard? 21 00:01:03,209 --> 00:01:05,928 Yeah. This friend of a friend knows this banker guy. 22 00:01:06,089 --> 00:01:08,887 He's 30-ish, unbelievably gorgeous. 23 00:01:09,049 --> 00:01:11,404 - Of course he's gay. - Yeah. 24 00:01:11,569 --> 00:01:14,447 So anyway, his boss has this box at the Met, and he invited him... 25 00:01:14,609 --> 00:01:17,885 ...to go see Swan Lak e with him and his wife. But he's afraid his boss... 26 00:01:18,049 --> 00:01:22,486 ...can't handle his orientation. So I'm going along as his date. 27 00:01:22,649 --> 00:01:25,800 - Why are you doing this? - Swan Lak e at the Met. 28 00:01:29,169 --> 00:01:30,966 - Yeah? - Get it on with your bad self. 29 00:01:37,049 --> 00:01:39,358 Chinese food. I knew I smelled something. 30 00:01:39,529 --> 00:01:42,805 - Yeah. - Is George still wearing that toupee? 31 00:01:42,969 --> 00:01:44,800 - Yeah. - Doesn't he know how ridiculous... 32 00:01:44,969 --> 00:01:47,608 - ... he looks in that thing? - I think he looks fantastic. 33 00:01:47,769 --> 00:01:50,442 Oh, come on. 34 00:01:50,609 --> 00:01:53,965 I never realized what an attractive man he is. 35 00:01:54,329 --> 00:01:56,160 Oh, he's a real looker, that one. 36 00:02:00,969 --> 00:02:04,723 - Hey. - People, people, people. 37 00:02:04,889 --> 00:02:06,880 Not bad, huh? 38 00:02:11,129 --> 00:02:14,166 All right. Excuse me. 39 00:02:14,329 --> 00:02:17,685 You look ridiculous in that thing. 40 00:02:17,849 --> 00:02:19,282 Is that so? 41 00:02:19,889 --> 00:02:22,801 Or could it be that you're just a little bit worried... 42 00:02:22,969 --> 00:02:25,358 ...that you may have missed the boat? 43 00:02:27,209 --> 00:02:32,886 Well, I think they might have sutured that thing to your brain. 44 00:02:36,289 --> 00:02:39,679 Oh, all right. Go ahead. Deride. Deride if you must. 45 00:02:39,849 --> 00:02:41,123 But let me tell you something. 46 00:02:41,289 --> 00:02:44,087 With my personality and this head of hair, you know what I am now? 47 00:02:44,489 --> 00:02:45,842 I am in the game. 48 00:02:46,009 --> 00:02:49,001 I no longer defer to the coifed. I'm a player. 49 00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:50,602 You know, I thought of something. 50 00:02:50,769 --> 00:02:53,203 I know this gorgeous woman. She called me up this morning. 51 00:02:53,369 --> 00:02:56,202 She's moving into the city, and she asked if I knew anyone... 52 00:02:56,369 --> 00:02:58,963 ...she could meet. Now you can go out with her. 53 00:02:59,289 --> 00:03:02,964 - Well, what about me? - No, I think he's got you beat, buddy. 54 00:03:03,969 --> 00:03:06,403 - So she's gorgeous? - Yeah. Last time I saw her she was. 55 00:03:06,569 --> 00:03:08,241 - Five years ago. - You got a picture? 56 00:03:08,409 --> 00:03:09,603 No, no. 57 00:03:09,769 --> 00:03:11,407 Well, I have to see her. 58 00:03:11,569 --> 00:03:12,763 Hey. I know what we can do. 59 00:03:12,929 --> 00:03:14,806 I got a friend, works at the police station. 60 00:03:14,969 --> 00:03:17,039 - He's a composite artist. - Really? 61 00:03:17,209 --> 00:03:19,769 - I can get him to draw a picture of her. - I would love that. 62 00:03:19,929 --> 00:03:22,159 - You think he'd really do it? - I think he will. 63 00:03:22,329 --> 00:03:25,241 It sounds like an excellent idea. 64 00:03:25,809 --> 00:03:28,562 You done with all this? I'm gonna give it to a homeless person. 65 00:03:28,969 --> 00:03:30,607 Yeah, I'm very excited about this. 66 00:03:30,769 --> 00:03:33,647 I always wanted to see how these sketch artists do it. 67 00:03:33,809 --> 00:03:35,527 Here you go, brother. Some food for you. 68 00:03:35,889 --> 00:03:38,562 Thank you. You're a good man. Bless you. 69 00:03:38,729 --> 00:03:40,799 - You gonna be here in an hour? - Where am I going? 70 00:03:40,969 --> 00:03:42,641 All right. Enjoy. 71 00:03:42,809 --> 00:03:43,924 Wait up! 72 00:03:45,249 --> 00:03:46,284 That's good. 73 00:03:46,449 --> 00:03:48,246 And make the eyes... 74 00:03:48,409 --> 00:03:49,762 - What's that nut? - Almonds? 75 00:03:49,929 --> 00:03:51,123 Almonds. Yeah. That's good. 76 00:03:51,609 --> 00:03:53,167 - Can I see-? - No, no. Not yet. 77 00:03:53,329 --> 00:03:56,560 Yeah. And make the lips fuller, poutier. 78 00:03:56,729 --> 00:03:58,162 Pouty? I like that. 79 00:03:58,329 --> 00:04:00,889 - You can't go wrong with pouty. - I'm excited about the pouty. 80 00:04:01,049 --> 00:04:04,724 - All right. I think that about does it. - George, come on. Take a look. 81 00:04:05,449 --> 00:04:07,326 - Oh, yeah. - Oh, my God. You were right. 82 00:04:07,489 --> 00:04:09,207 She is gorgeous. 83 00:04:09,369 --> 00:04:11,564 Hey, Lou, who's that woman over there? 84 00:04:11,729 --> 00:04:13,959 Her? Oh, that's Sergeant Tierney. 85 00:04:14,129 --> 00:04:16,040 - Nice officer. - You wanna meet her? 86 00:04:16,769 --> 00:04:18,361 Well, this worked out okay. 87 00:04:18,529 --> 00:04:19,848 You gonna see that policewoman? 88 00:04:20,009 --> 00:04:21,203 Yeah. I think I will. 89 00:04:21,369 --> 00:04:23,724 I like the idea of having the law on my side. 90 00:04:23,889 --> 00:04:26,608 - Hey, man. Did you enjoy the food? - Yes, I did. 91 00:04:26,769 --> 00:04:29,124 Where did the Chinese learn to cook like that? 92 00:04:29,289 --> 00:04:31,439 Listen. I'll take that Tupperware now. 93 00:04:31,609 --> 00:04:32,883 I don't think so. 94 00:04:33,649 --> 00:04:34,638 That's mine. 95 00:04:34,809 --> 00:04:37,004 - You gave it to me. - I didn't say you could keep it. 96 00:04:37,169 --> 00:04:38,648 See, I don't give away Tupperware. 97 00:04:38,809 --> 00:04:41,039 - You should've said something. - I didn't think I had to. 98 00:04:41,209 --> 00:04:44,167 Look, with a piece of Tupperware, you just assume. 99 00:04:44,329 --> 00:04:46,638 Oh, yeah! 100 00:04:51,529 --> 00:04:53,201 I've really gotta thank you for this. 101 00:04:53,369 --> 00:04:56,167 The bank I work for is so conservative. 102 00:04:56,329 --> 00:04:59,605 Well, by now you'd think people would be a little more open-minded. 103 00:05:01,129 --> 00:05:02,960 Excuse me. I have to run to the bathroom. 104 00:05:03,129 --> 00:05:05,359 - Okay. - Great. 105 00:05:05,529 --> 00:05:07,918 So... 106 00:05:08,449 --> 00:05:11,725 - You and Robert? - Yep. 107 00:05:11,969 --> 00:05:14,802 - Really? - Yes, indeedy. 108 00:05:15,329 --> 00:05:16,728 I'm surprised. 109 00:05:16,889 --> 00:05:18,800 Really? Why? 110 00:05:19,289 --> 00:05:20,881 No reason. 111 00:05:21,809 --> 00:05:23,845 Well, believe me. This didn't happen overnight. 112 00:05:24,009 --> 00:05:27,922 Robert is not exactly a one-woman man, if you know what I mean. 113 00:05:28,089 --> 00:05:29,841 No, sirree, Bob. 114 00:05:30,009 --> 00:05:33,445 Sure, I mean, in a lot of ways he's a typical guy. He likes his sports. 115 00:05:33,609 --> 00:05:36,885 But he counters that side with the side you see here tonight at the ballet... 116 00:05:37,049 --> 00:05:39,279 ...or the pleasure he gets watching Liza Minnelli... 117 00:05:39,449 --> 00:05:41,201 ...belt out a few choice numbers. 118 00:05:41,609 --> 00:05:44,760 It's those two halves of his personality that just come together... 119 00:05:44,929 --> 00:05:47,397 ...to make him the very special guy that he is. 120 00:05:47,809 --> 00:05:49,720 Excuse me. Sorry. 121 00:05:51,209 --> 00:05:53,165 Oh, hi, honey. 122 00:05:59,849 --> 00:06:01,441 It was just such a great night. 123 00:06:01,609 --> 00:06:03,406 And did they suspect anything? 124 00:06:03,889 --> 00:06:05,959 No, I was a fantastic beard. 125 00:06:06,129 --> 00:06:08,643 I held hands. I called him "honey." 126 00:06:09,249 --> 00:06:14,528 And we discover yet another talent: posing as a girlfriend for homosexuals. 127 00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:19,087 Oh, it was just such a great night. 128 00:06:19,249 --> 00:06:20,238 You said that already. 129 00:06:20,409 --> 00:06:22,320 - Oh, I did? - Yeah. 130 00:06:26,249 --> 00:06:28,399 Oh, no. 131 00:06:29,449 --> 00:06:30,802 Don't tell me... 132 00:06:31,769 --> 00:06:33,043 You like him? 133 00:06:33,209 --> 00:06:35,279 He's incredible. 134 00:06:36,089 --> 00:06:37,681 Yeah, but... 135 00:06:37,849 --> 00:06:39,840 Yeah. I know. 136 00:06:40,009 --> 00:06:41,647 - So? - What? 137 00:06:41,809 --> 00:06:43,765 Not conversion? 138 00:06:45,049 --> 00:06:46,801 You're thinking conversion? 139 00:06:47,089 --> 00:06:49,603 Well, it did occur to me. 140 00:06:49,769 --> 00:06:51,521 You think you can get him to change teams? 141 00:06:51,689 --> 00:06:54,157 He's not gonna suddenly switch sides. 142 00:06:54,329 --> 00:06:55,523 Forget about it. 143 00:06:55,689 --> 00:06:57,281 Why? Is it irrevocable? 144 00:06:57,449 --> 00:07:00,486 Because when you join that team, it's not a whim. 145 00:07:00,649 --> 00:07:04,562 He likes his team. He's set with that team. 146 00:07:05,169 --> 00:07:08,002 - But we've got a good team. - Yeah, we do. 147 00:07:08,169 --> 00:07:09,522 We do have a good team. 148 00:07:09,689 --> 00:07:12,078 Well, why can't he play for us? 149 00:07:14,089 --> 00:07:17,718 They're only comfortable with their equipment. 150 00:07:21,009 --> 00:07:23,921 But we just got along so great. 151 00:07:24,089 --> 00:07:27,286 Of course. Everyone gets along great when there's no possibility of sex. 152 00:07:27,449 --> 00:07:30,122 No, no, no. I sensed something. I did sense something. 153 00:07:30,289 --> 00:07:32,564 I perceived a possibility, Jerry. 154 00:07:36,089 --> 00:07:39,365 You realize you're venturing into uncharted waters? 155 00:07:39,529 --> 00:07:40,723 I realize that. 156 00:07:41,089 --> 00:07:43,444 Are you that desperate? 157 00:07:44,249 --> 00:07:46,319 Yes, I am. 158 00:07:47,409 --> 00:07:48,728 Are you gonna bring your gun? 159 00:07:51,609 --> 00:07:53,998 Yeah, I think you should leave it at home. 160 00:07:54,169 --> 00:07:58,162 I don't really know you that well. What if we get into a fight or something? 161 00:07:58,329 --> 00:08:01,526 You know, you lose your temper. Who knows what you're capable of. 162 00:08:01,689 --> 00:08:05,045 All right. Then it's settled. First date, no weapons. 163 00:08:05,769 --> 00:08:07,168 All right. I'll see you then. 164 00:08:07,329 --> 00:08:08,762 Okay, bye. 165 00:08:10,369 --> 00:08:12,087 Yeah, yeah. 166 00:08:12,249 --> 00:08:13,762 Here we go. 167 00:08:13,929 --> 00:08:16,682 - What are you looking for? - Tupperware. 168 00:08:17,449 --> 00:08:18,962 Sorry. I don't have any Tupperware. 169 00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:20,728 See, I knew this was gonna happen. 170 00:08:20,889 --> 00:08:23,198 I just made a delicious casserole, but it won't keep... 171 00:08:23,369 --> 00:08:25,200 ...because I have no Tupperware. 172 00:08:25,569 --> 00:08:28,527 - What about a plastic bag? - You must be kidding. 173 00:08:28,689 --> 00:08:29,838 What is the difference? 174 00:08:30,009 --> 00:08:33,718 The patented burp, Jerry. It locks in freshness. 175 00:08:35,009 --> 00:08:36,522 - Hey. - Hey. 176 00:08:38,809 --> 00:08:42,597 So I spoke to your little friend Denise last night. 177 00:08:42,769 --> 00:08:43,884 Oh, yeah. You talked, huh? 178 00:08:44,049 --> 00:08:46,324 Yeah. For two hours. She's nuts about you. 179 00:08:46,489 --> 00:08:48,002 Yeah. We go way back, you know. 180 00:08:48,169 --> 00:08:50,478 Why didn't anything ever happen between you two? 181 00:08:50,769 --> 00:08:52,839 Who's to say it didn't? 182 00:08:54,809 --> 00:08:57,004 So did you describe yourself to her over the phone? 183 00:08:57,169 --> 00:08:58,648 Yes, I did. 184 00:08:58,809 --> 00:09:01,198 - What did you say? - What do you think I said? 185 00:09:01,369 --> 00:09:02,484 I don't know. 186 00:09:03,009 --> 00:09:04,522 I told her the truth. 187 00:09:04,689 --> 00:09:06,202 As you see it? 188 00:09:08,729 --> 00:09:10,481 Yes, as I see it. 189 00:09:10,649 --> 00:09:13,846 Did you tell her about your little hat there? 190 00:09:15,089 --> 00:09:16,363 What hat? 191 00:09:16,729 --> 00:09:18,959 You know, your little hair hat there. 192 00:09:20,409 --> 00:09:22,525 - No. - Don't you think she could tell? 193 00:09:22,689 --> 00:09:26,648 No, no, no. She can't tell. It's a perfect match. Beautiful job. 194 00:09:26,809 --> 00:09:30,484 Are you kidding? I could spot that bird's nest two blocks away. 195 00:09:31,449 --> 00:09:33,326 You only think that because you know me. 196 00:09:33,489 --> 00:09:34,922 Noticed people staring at your head? 197 00:09:35,089 --> 00:09:38,525 I noticed people staring at my head because they like what they see. 198 00:09:39,129 --> 00:09:41,438 You should either take it off or tell her about it. 199 00:09:41,609 --> 00:09:43,918 He's not gonna take it off. If he was gonna go bald... 200 00:09:44,089 --> 00:09:45,681 ...I never would have introduced them. 201 00:09:45,849 --> 00:09:48,568 - I guarantee she won't know. - Yeah. That's it. 202 00:09:48,729 --> 00:09:51,118 I'm gonna go down to the precinct, have lunch with Lou. 203 00:09:51,289 --> 00:09:52,722 Oh, I'll split a cab with you. 204 00:09:53,289 --> 00:09:56,406 Hey, I'm really sorry about the other day, man. Really sorry. 205 00:09:57,769 --> 00:09:59,521 Hey, that's my coffee. 206 00:10:03,609 --> 00:10:04,883 - Hi, sarge. - Hi. 207 00:10:05,049 --> 00:10:09,247 I'm sorry I'm late. Some of our lineup decoys didn't show, so... 208 00:10:09,409 --> 00:10:12,560 Hey, any of you guys want to be in the lineup, make a quick 50 bucks? 209 00:10:12,729 --> 00:10:14,447 Sure, I will. 210 00:10:15,609 --> 00:10:19,363 Perfect. Okay. Just go right over there with Officer Lampart. 211 00:10:19,529 --> 00:10:20,928 All right. 212 00:10:35,609 --> 00:10:37,600 All of you, turn to the left. 213 00:10:40,089 --> 00:10:41,647 The left. 214 00:10:48,249 --> 00:10:50,319 Now, turn to the right. 215 00:10:59,569 --> 00:11:02,037 Oh, my God. There she is. That's the face. 216 00:11:02,209 --> 00:11:03,437 Just lik e the picture. 217 00:11:03,609 --> 00:11:05,247 - George? - Yeah. Hi. 218 00:11:05,409 --> 00:11:07,400 - It's great to meet you. - Likewise. 219 00:11:07,569 --> 00:11:10,367 - Have you been waiting long or-? - No. I got here two minutes ago. 220 00:11:10,529 --> 00:11:12,247 Good, good. 221 00:11:13,409 --> 00:11:16,446 Well, why don't you take off your hat, stay a while. 222 00:11:23,769 --> 00:11:26,329 - What's that? - A polygraph. 223 00:11:26,489 --> 00:11:28,400 What you civilians call a lie detector test. 224 00:11:28,569 --> 00:11:30,764 Let me ask you. Now, when someone is lying... 225 00:11:30,929 --> 00:11:34,205 ...is it true that their pants are actually on fire? 226 00:11:34,689 --> 00:11:37,328 If I could tell you the famous faces that have been up here... 227 00:11:37,489 --> 00:11:38,478 Get out. 228 00:11:38,649 --> 00:11:40,844 A certain cast member of Melrose Place. 229 00:11:41,009 --> 00:11:42,158 Really? 230 00:11:42,329 --> 00:11:45,844 - Have you ever seen the show? - No. 231 00:11:46,809 --> 00:11:49,198 You can admit it, Jerry. It's okay. 232 00:11:49,369 --> 00:11:52,520 I'd admit it. I don't watch it. 233 00:11:52,689 --> 00:11:55,123 Hey, Lou. Maybe we should put him on the poly. 234 00:11:55,289 --> 00:11:58,964 - The poly? - Yeah. I think you've seen it. 235 00:12:06,889 --> 00:12:08,800 Melrose Place? 236 00:12:09,769 --> 00:12:12,647 Yes, Melrose Place. 237 00:12:12,809 --> 00:12:16,688 - I just didn't know you watch that. - Well, I do. 238 00:12:18,569 --> 00:12:20,048 Every time I've mentioned it... 239 00:12:20,209 --> 00:12:23,281 ...you never say anything or join in the conversation. 240 00:12:23,449 --> 00:12:26,566 Well, maybe I was a little embarrassed. 241 00:12:26,729 --> 00:12:28,765 You mean, this whole time, we could have been... 242 00:12:28,929 --> 00:12:31,443 ...discussing Sydney and Michael and Jane? 243 00:12:31,609 --> 00:12:35,727 And Billy and Jake and Allison. Yes, we could have discussed it. 244 00:12:36,129 --> 00:12:37,801 Why? Why were you so embarrassed? 245 00:12:37,969 --> 00:12:39,766 I'm gonna be taking this lie detector test. 246 00:12:39,929 --> 00:12:41,806 That needle's gonna be going wild. 247 00:12:43,129 --> 00:12:46,280 This is so stupid. 248 00:12:46,449 --> 00:12:49,646 - Why don't you just confess? - It's too stupid to confess. 249 00:12:49,809 --> 00:12:51,527 Look what I'm confessing to. 250 00:12:51,689 --> 00:12:53,281 Well, what are you gonna do? 251 00:12:53,449 --> 00:12:56,486 I don't know. Maybe I could beat the machine. 252 00:12:56,649 --> 00:12:59,925 Who do you think you are, Costanza? 253 00:13:00,649 --> 00:13:04,403 Hey, you know what? I have access to one of the most deceitful, duplicitous... 254 00:13:04,569 --> 00:13:09,438 ...deceptive minds of our time. Who better to advise me? 255 00:13:09,609 --> 00:13:11,406 Oh, God, this is terrible. 256 00:13:11,689 --> 00:13:13,486 - Did you shake it up? - No. 257 00:13:13,649 --> 00:13:15,765 - You gotta shake it up. - No. I'm sick of shaking. 258 00:13:15,929 --> 00:13:17,123 You gotta shake everything. 259 00:13:18,929 --> 00:13:21,204 Yeah, that's a real nuisance. 260 00:13:23,929 --> 00:13:25,157 Oh, this is killing me. 261 00:13:27,569 --> 00:13:28,888 - Yeah. - Yeah. 262 00:13:29,529 --> 00:13:33,363 So I'm going out tonight with Robert... 263 00:13:33,529 --> 00:13:35,759 ...and the boss and his wife. 264 00:13:35,929 --> 00:13:37,362 So tonight you gonna make the move? 265 00:13:37,529 --> 00:13:39,360 Yeah, I think I might. 266 00:13:42,449 --> 00:13:44,121 Hey, there he is. 267 00:13:44,729 --> 00:13:47,243 So, what happened? Could she detect it? 268 00:13:47,409 --> 00:13:49,206 - That's an interesting question. - How so? 269 00:13:49,369 --> 00:13:51,325 How so? 270 00:13:51,489 --> 00:13:54,162 I'll tell you how so. 271 00:13:54,329 --> 00:13:56,559 She's bald. 272 00:13:57,089 --> 00:13:58,283 What do you mean, "bald"? 273 00:13:58,449 --> 00:14:02,328 What do you think I mean? Bald. Bald. Bald, bald. 274 00:14:03,369 --> 00:14:07,282 - She's bald? - She's bald, Jerry. 275 00:14:07,449 --> 00:14:09,963 - Oh, come on. - Oh, come on? 276 00:14:10,129 --> 00:14:13,724 No "come on."She took off her hat, and there she was. 277 00:14:13,889 --> 00:14:15,766 "Hello." 278 00:14:16,369 --> 00:14:18,724 It was like I was looking at myself in the mirror. 279 00:14:19,929 --> 00:14:22,568 Well, maybe she got a haircut or something. 280 00:14:23,369 --> 00:14:25,007 You know, let me tell you something. 281 00:14:25,169 --> 00:14:29,720 No one walks into a beauty parlour and says, "Give me the Larry Fine." 282 00:14:32,089 --> 00:14:33,807 Women go bald? 283 00:14:33,969 --> 00:14:36,483 Yeah, I've heard of that. I mean, they usually wear a wig. 284 00:14:37,089 --> 00:14:38,238 - Hey, buddy. - Hey. 285 00:14:38,409 --> 00:14:39,558 Hey. 286 00:14:39,729 --> 00:14:42,163 You fixed me up with a bald woman. 287 00:14:44,609 --> 00:14:45,837 - Bald? - Yeah, that's right. 288 00:14:46,009 --> 00:14:48,239 Do you see the irony here? 289 00:14:48,409 --> 00:14:53,085 You're rejecting somebody because they're bald. 290 00:14:53,969 --> 00:14:56,039 So? 291 00:14:56,329 --> 00:14:58,889 You're bald! 292 00:14:59,449 --> 00:15:01,167 No, I'm not. 293 00:15:01,329 --> 00:15:04,526 I was bald. 294 00:15:05,889 --> 00:15:07,561 Elaine. 295 00:15:07,769 --> 00:15:09,760 Hey, hey. Hey, come on. 296 00:15:11,849 --> 00:15:13,805 No, no, no! Elaine! 297 00:15:13,969 --> 00:15:16,278 I don't like this thing! 298 00:15:16,449 --> 00:15:18,565 And here's what I'm doing with it! 299 00:15:18,729 --> 00:15:20,321 Don't! 300 00:15:34,969 --> 00:15:38,882 - You started that fight with me. - I figured that's what couples do. 301 00:15:39,049 --> 00:15:40,880 You almost convinced me we were a couple. 302 00:15:41,049 --> 00:15:43,279 It was easy. Really. 303 00:15:43,449 --> 00:15:45,360 Well, good night. I'll call you tomorrow. 304 00:15:45,529 --> 00:15:47,918 Oh, wait a second. 305 00:15:48,409 --> 00:15:51,719 Would you like to come upstairs? 306 00:15:52,089 --> 00:15:53,283 Upstairs? 307 00:15:54,249 --> 00:15:55,762 Yeah. 308 00:15:56,129 --> 00:15:57,608 Upstairs? 309 00:15:58,649 --> 00:16:00,048 Elaine- 310 00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:02,325 I was hoping, you know... 311 00:16:02,489 --> 00:16:06,004 ...you might be interested in changing teams. 312 00:16:06,569 --> 00:16:07,888 Changing teams? 313 00:16:09,449 --> 00:16:11,440 Have you ever thought about it? 314 00:16:12,529 --> 00:16:14,440 But I'm a starting shortstop. 315 00:16:15,129 --> 00:16:18,724 Robert, we need a shortstop. 316 00:16:18,889 --> 00:16:21,278 Real bad. 317 00:16:22,489 --> 00:16:24,400 When she threw that toupee out the window... 318 00:16:24,569 --> 00:16:26,685 ...it was the best thing that ever happened to me. 319 00:16:26,849 --> 00:16:30,285 I feel like my old self again: totally inadequate, completely insecure... 320 00:16:30,449 --> 00:16:33,327 ...paranoid, neurotic. It's a pleasure. 321 00:16:33,489 --> 00:16:34,808 It's good to have you back. 322 00:16:34,969 --> 00:16:36,561 You know what else I've decided to do? 323 00:16:36,729 --> 00:16:38,287 I'm gonna keep seeing the bald woman. 324 00:16:38,449 --> 00:16:40,405 She's as good as anybody else. 325 00:16:40,569 --> 00:16:42,480 Scalp was clean. 326 00:16:43,449 --> 00:16:45,326 She had a nice skull. 327 00:16:46,289 --> 00:16:48,405 There just wasn't a lot of hair on it. 328 00:16:48,569 --> 00:16:52,164 You know, you've had, like, a religious awakening. You're like a bald-again. 329 00:16:53,529 --> 00:16:55,167 Gonna need a little more coffee here. 330 00:16:55,329 --> 00:16:57,843 So, George, how do I beat this lie detector? 331 00:16:58,529 --> 00:17:00,406 I'm sorry. Jerry, I can't help you. 332 00:17:00,569 --> 00:17:03,037 You got the gift. You're the only one that could help me. 333 00:17:03,209 --> 00:17:04,608 Jerry, I can't. 334 00:17:04,769 --> 00:17:09,285 It's like saying to Pavarotti, "Teach me to sing like you." 335 00:17:10,729 --> 00:17:12,640 All right. Well, I gotta go take this test. 336 00:17:12,809 --> 00:17:14,606 I can't believe I'm doing this. 337 00:17:15,729 --> 00:17:18,402 Jerry, just remember: 338 00:17:18,809 --> 00:17:22,165 It's not a lie if you believe it. 339 00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:29,647 - Hey. - Hey. I did it. 340 00:17:29,809 --> 00:17:32,687 - What? - I turned him. He defected. 341 00:17:33,049 --> 00:17:35,438 Get out. How? 342 00:17:35,609 --> 00:17:39,124 - How did you do that? - Because I'm a woman. 343 00:17:42,529 --> 00:17:43,928 Do you know what you've done? 344 00:17:44,089 --> 00:17:47,286 You've given hope to every woman who's ever said, "Too bad he's gay." 345 00:17:47,449 --> 00:17:50,646 Well, it's a lesson for the kids out there. Anything is possible. 346 00:17:50,809 --> 00:17:52,242 Indeed. 347 00:17:52,409 --> 00:17:56,687 Jeromy, I have hit the jackpot. The perfect man. 348 00:17:56,849 --> 00:17:59,044 Nothing but sex and shopping. 349 00:18:27,489 --> 00:18:28,717 What's your name? 350 00:18:28,889 --> 00:18:30,481 Jerry Seinfeld. 351 00:18:30,649 --> 00:18:31,923 What is your address? 352 00:18:32,089 --> 00:18:34,319 129 West 81 st Street. 353 00:18:34,489 --> 00:18:37,128 Did Kimberly steal Jo's baby? 354 00:18:42,209 --> 00:18:43,528 I don't know. 355 00:18:43,929 --> 00:18:46,921 Did Billy sleep with Allison's best friend? 356 00:18:48,889 --> 00:18:50,641 I don't know. 357 00:18:53,689 --> 00:18:57,523 Did Jane's fiancé kidnap Sydney and take her to Las Vegas? 358 00:18:57,689 --> 00:18:59,407 And if so, did she enjoy it? 359 00:19:03,049 --> 00:19:04,880 I don't know. 360 00:19:05,049 --> 00:19:06,880 Did Jane sleep with Michael again? 361 00:19:09,489 --> 00:19:10,478 Yes! 362 00:19:10,649 --> 00:19:12,879 Yes. That stupid idiot. He left her for Kimberly. 363 00:19:13,049 --> 00:19:16,086 He slept with her sister, tricked her into giving him half her business. 364 00:19:16,249 --> 00:19:18,080 Then she goes and sleeps with him again? 365 00:19:18,249 --> 00:19:20,843 She's crazy. How could she do something like that? That Jane! 366 00:19:21,009 --> 00:19:22,442 Oh, she just makes me so mad! 367 00:19:28,729 --> 00:19:30,162 He went back? 368 00:19:30,729 --> 00:19:32,640 What do you mean, he went back? 369 00:19:32,809 --> 00:19:33,844 He went back. 370 00:19:34,009 --> 00:19:37,285 I don't understand. You were having a great time. The sex, the shopping. 371 00:19:37,449 --> 00:19:39,280 Well, here's the thing. 372 00:19:42,009 --> 00:19:43,408 Being a woman... 373 00:19:43,569 --> 00:19:47,881 ...I only really have access to the... 374 00:19:48,049 --> 00:19:49,562 ...equipment... 375 00:19:49,729 --> 00:19:52,801 ...what, 30, 45 minutes a week? 376 00:19:52,969 --> 00:19:54,641 And that's on a good week. 377 00:19:54,809 --> 00:19:57,642 How can I be expected to have the same expertise... 378 00:19:57,809 --> 00:20:01,404 ...as people who own this equipment... 379 00:20:02,209 --> 00:20:06,839 ...and have access to it 24 hours a day, their entire lives? 380 00:20:07,009 --> 00:20:07,998 You can't. 381 00:20:08,169 --> 00:20:10,637 That's why they lose very few players. 382 00:20:12,449 --> 00:20:15,088 Yeah, I guess I never really stood a chance. 383 00:20:15,249 --> 00:20:18,002 Well, there's always a place for you on our team. 384 00:20:18,169 --> 00:20:21,047 Yeah, thanks. 385 00:20:21,889 --> 00:20:23,208 Is Melrose Place on? 386 00:20:23,769 --> 00:20:26,602 - Yeah, coming on in a few minutes. - Okay. 387 00:20:28,849 --> 00:20:30,646 Hey. Don't worry, it hasn't started. 388 00:20:34,049 --> 00:20:36,722 Hey, you know, George, I am really proud of you. 389 00:20:36,889 --> 00:20:39,608 I really do admire what you've done. 390 00:20:39,769 --> 00:20:41,361 Do you? 391 00:20:41,529 --> 00:20:43,724 That makes me so happy. 392 00:20:45,529 --> 00:20:47,599 Elaine's proud of me, Jerry. 393 00:20:47,769 --> 00:20:48,838 What is the matter? 394 00:20:49,009 --> 00:20:52,206 I got rejected by a bald woman. 395 00:20:52,849 --> 00:20:56,205 - What? - A bald woman rejected me. 396 00:20:56,369 --> 00:20:57,358 You like that one? 397 00:20:57,689 --> 00:21:02,922 A woman with no prospects and no hair told me that I wasn't her type. 398 00:21:03,089 --> 00:21:05,478 Apparently baldy likes a slimmer guy. 399 00:21:05,649 --> 00:21:07,640 Well, I'll tell you what I think. 400 00:21:07,809 --> 00:21:12,087 I think she saw you with that piece off and was devastated. 401 00:21:12,249 --> 00:21:16,037 You blew it, boy. You really blew it! 402 00:21:17,209 --> 00:21:20,565 And you had to ruin it for him, didn't you? 403 00:21:20,729 --> 00:21:23,846 I didn't ruin anything. He looked like an idiot. 404 00:21:24,009 --> 00:21:26,000 - No. - And it made him act like a jerk. 405 00:21:26,169 --> 00:21:29,127 All right. Shut up. Shut up. Melrose Place is coming on. 406 00:21:34,969 --> 00:21:38,803 Oh, that Michael. I hate him. He's just so smug. 407 00:21:49,809 --> 00:21:53,006 Hey, how you doing, Stu? Eddie, my man, huh? 408 00:21:54,889 --> 00:21:58,040 You again? Boy, you're a slippery one. 409 00:21:58,209 --> 00:22:00,325 You better straighten up and fly right, buddy boy. 410 00:22:00,489 --> 00:22:02,127 - What do you got? - An eyewitness... 411 00:22:02,289 --> 00:22:04,086 ...to that jewellery store break-in. 412 00:22:04,249 --> 00:22:05,762 Come here. 413 00:22:07,369 --> 00:22:09,166 Do you recognize anybody in this lineup? 414 00:22:11,609 --> 00:22:14,442 That's the guy, officer. The guy there in the middle. 415 00:22:14,609 --> 00:22:18,284 The tall guy with the high hair. I'd recognize him anywhere. 416 00:22:18,729 --> 00:22:21,038 Hey, you. You with the high hair. 417 00:22:21,209 --> 00:22:23,006 Step forward. 418 00:22:24,089 --> 00:22:25,761 Me? 419 00:22:30,529 --> 00:22:32,520 Subtitles by SDl Media Group