1 00:00:02,569 --> 00:00:03,922 I was thinking about hair... 2 00:00:05,449 --> 00:00:07,201 ...and that the weird thing about it... 3 00:00:07,369 --> 00:00:09,963 ...is that people will touch other people's hair. 4 00:00:10,129 --> 00:00:13,201 You will actually kiss another human being right on the head... 5 00:00:13,369 --> 00:00:15,200 ...but if one of those hairs... 6 00:00:15,369 --> 00:00:20,489 ...should somehow be able to get out of that skull and go off on its own... 7 00:00:20,649 --> 00:00:25,677 ...it is now the vilest, most disgusting thing that you can encounter. 8 00:00:26,529 --> 00:00:27,928 The same hair. 9 00:00:28,089 --> 00:00:32,765 People freak out, "There was a hair in the egg salad." 10 00:00:37,369 --> 00:00:40,884 Say it's Saturday night in Spain. They go out dancing. 11 00:00:41,049 --> 00:00:42,960 Think they do the flamenco? 12 00:00:43,529 --> 00:00:44,723 I would think. 13 00:00:44,889 --> 00:00:46,527 So you could call a woman for a date... 14 00:00:46,689 --> 00:00:49,078 ...ask her if she's free for dinner and a flamenco. 15 00:00:49,769 --> 00:00:52,488 You don't flamenco on the first date. 16 00:00:52,649 --> 00:00:54,367 I wish the flamenco was popular here. 17 00:00:54,529 --> 00:00:57,839 - Yeah? Would you do it? - Yes, I think I would. 18 00:00:58,009 --> 00:00:59,761 Well, I knew you had an affinity for it... 19 00:00:59,929 --> 00:01:02,397 ...because it's the dance of a very proud people. 20 00:01:02,889 --> 00:01:06,325 Hello. Oh, hi, Nana. What? 21 00:01:06,489 --> 00:01:08,923 Oh, all right. Okay, don't worry about it. 22 00:01:09,089 --> 00:01:12,001 Okay, I'll see you later. All right, bye. 23 00:01:12,169 --> 00:01:14,160 - I have to go over my grandmother's. - What for? 24 00:01:14,329 --> 00:01:16,638 I have to open a bottle of ketchup for her. 25 00:01:18,289 --> 00:01:20,962 - So, what, no lunch? - No, we have time. 26 00:01:21,449 --> 00:01:23,917 - How's she doing? - She's starting to slip a little. 27 00:01:24,089 --> 00:01:26,842 She has trouble distinguishing between the past and the present. 28 00:01:27,089 --> 00:01:29,080 There's gotta be an easier way to open ketchup. 29 00:01:29,249 --> 00:01:30,682 They should make it in a tube. 30 00:01:31,049 --> 00:01:32,482 - Like toothpaste? - Yeah. 31 00:01:32,649 --> 00:01:35,004 - There's a squeeze ketchup. - I've seen squeeze mustard. 32 00:01:35,169 --> 00:01:37,967 - I've never seen squeeze ketchup. - If they make squeeze mustard... 33 00:01:38,129 --> 00:01:40,199 ...doesn't it stand to reason they make squeeze ketchup? 34 00:01:40,369 --> 00:01:43,042 Not necessarily. Mustard lends itself to the squeeze. 35 00:01:43,209 --> 00:01:45,359 - I don't see the difference. - There's a difference. 36 00:01:45,529 --> 00:01:46,803 - It's subtle. - It's subtle? 37 00:01:46,969 --> 00:01:49,085 Hey, isn't Elaine supposed to meet us? 38 00:01:49,249 --> 00:01:51,160 Yeah, there she is. 39 00:01:51,849 --> 00:01:53,043 What? 40 00:01:53,209 --> 00:01:54,927 She's with her friend Wendy. 41 00:01:55,089 --> 00:01:57,398 Wendy? Is that the physical therapist? 42 00:01:57,569 --> 00:01:59,764 Yeah. I'm on a kiss-hello program with her. 43 00:01:59,929 --> 00:02:01,601 - Really? - Yeah. Every time I see her... 44 00:02:01,769 --> 00:02:03,999 ...I gotta kiss hello. I did it once on her birthday. 45 00:02:04,169 --> 00:02:07,605 Somehow it mushroomed. Now I dread seeing her because of it. 46 00:02:07,769 --> 00:02:10,408 - Hey. - I'm down to one kiss hello. 47 00:02:10,569 --> 00:02:13,561 - My aunt Celia. - That's fortunate. I really admire that. 48 00:02:13,729 --> 00:02:16,880 Really? I never heard you say you admired me for anything. 49 00:02:17,049 --> 00:02:19,688 No, I told you I admire your hearing. 50 00:02:20,089 --> 00:02:23,001 Oh, don't slough that off. You have great hearing. 51 00:02:23,169 --> 00:02:25,444 - Hey. - Hi. 52 00:02:26,049 --> 00:02:27,846 - Did you ever meet George? - Wendy. 53 00:02:28,169 --> 00:02:30,000 - You're a physical therapist, right? - Yes. 54 00:02:30,169 --> 00:02:32,729 You know, I got this little swelling right here. 55 00:02:32,889 --> 00:02:34,959 It's kind of painful. What do you make of that? 56 00:02:35,129 --> 00:02:37,199 - George- - Have you tried heat and ice on it? 57 00:02:37,569 --> 00:02:40,003 Oh, that- That really seems like a lot of trouble. 58 00:02:40,249 --> 00:02:42,968 You could come by my office later. I could work on it for you. 59 00:02:43,129 --> 00:02:44,482 Oh, okay. 60 00:02:44,649 --> 00:02:45,798 Let me give you my card. 61 00:02:45,969 --> 00:02:48,244 - Oh, thank you. - Well, I'll see you guys later. 62 00:02:48,409 --> 00:02:50,445 - Nice meeting you. Bye. - Bye, Wendy. I'm sorry. 63 00:02:50,609 --> 00:02:52,486 - Bye, Jerry. - Bye. 64 00:02:53,169 --> 00:02:55,125 - What did you do that for? - What? 65 00:02:55,289 --> 00:02:57,325 Ask about your arm. 66 00:02:58,889 --> 00:03:01,084 I still don't see why I can't ask her about my arm. 67 00:03:01,249 --> 00:03:02,477 She's a physical therapist. 68 00:03:02,649 --> 00:03:05,209 She doesn't wanna have to deal with that outside the office. 69 00:03:05,369 --> 00:03:08,645 - Why not? - Because it is what she does. 70 00:03:08,809 --> 00:03:10,925 I love these people. You can't ask them questions. 71 00:03:11,089 --> 00:03:14,206 They're so mentally gifted that we mustn't disturb the delicate genius... 72 00:03:14,369 --> 00:03:16,200 ...unless it's in the confines of an office. 73 00:03:16,369 --> 00:03:20,726 When huge sums of money are involved, the genius can be disturbed. 74 00:03:20,889 --> 00:03:23,164 George, you got a little something right here. 75 00:03:23,329 --> 00:03:26,207 - People think they're so important. - I'm going on record right now. 76 00:03:26,369 --> 00:03:29,725 That was my last kiss hello. I am getting off the kiss program with her. 77 00:03:29,889 --> 00:03:32,164 - Why? - Well, you know, frankly... 78 00:03:32,329 --> 00:03:35,765 ...outside of a sexual relationship, I don't see the point to it. 79 00:03:35,929 --> 00:03:39,604 I'm not thrilled with the handshaking either, but one step at a time. 80 00:03:40,129 --> 00:03:42,643 - What are you getting? - And what's with that hairdo? 81 00:03:42,809 --> 00:03:45,926 Oh, yeah. I know. It's not very flattering. 82 00:03:46,089 --> 00:03:49,365 I mean, she looks like something out of an old high school yearbook. 83 00:03:49,529 --> 00:03:50,882 You should say something to her. 84 00:03:51,049 --> 00:03:53,165 Oh, I could never say anything to her about that. 85 00:03:53,329 --> 00:03:56,241 Yeah, Kramer's the only person who could say something like that. 86 00:03:56,409 --> 00:03:59,128 - Yeah. - Well, just tell Kramer to tell her. 87 00:03:59,289 --> 00:04:01,962 No. If you tell him to do it, he'll never do it. 88 00:04:02,129 --> 00:04:05,326 What you have to do is introduce him, and then he'll just come out with it. 89 00:04:05,489 --> 00:04:07,445 Yes. Yes, you're right. That's right. 90 00:04:07,609 --> 00:04:09,918 I'll bring her over to meet Kramer. 91 00:04:10,089 --> 00:04:12,808 - Hi. - Hey. Hello, boys and girls. 92 00:04:12,969 --> 00:04:16,325 Yeah. Hey, listen. I need a picture of you, buddy. 93 00:04:16,489 --> 00:04:18,957 - What for? - I'm putting everybody's picture up... 94 00:04:19,129 --> 00:04:21,689 - ... in the lobby of our building. - Why? 95 00:04:21,849 --> 00:04:25,762 Everyone will know everybody's name. People are gonna be a lot friendlier. 96 00:04:25,929 --> 00:04:28,318 I don't want my picture plastered up in the lobby. 97 00:04:28,489 --> 00:04:31,959 Imagine walking by someone on the floor and you say, "Hey, Carl"... 98 00:04:32,129 --> 00:04:36,680 ...and he says, "Hey, Jerry."That's the kind of society I wanna live in. 99 00:04:37,169 --> 00:04:40,320 Kramer, I don't wanna stop and talk every time I go in the building. 100 00:04:40,489 --> 00:04:42,241 I just wanna nod and be on my way. 101 00:04:42,409 --> 00:04:44,320 You know, your eyeliner's smudged a little. 102 00:04:45,049 --> 00:04:47,119 Why do you wear so much eye make-up? 103 00:04:48,009 --> 00:04:52,480 Yeah. This is gonna work out just fine. 104 00:04:52,649 --> 00:04:54,799 Ma, again with the ketchup? 105 00:04:54,969 --> 00:04:58,484 Don't they have them in the plastic squeeze containers? 106 00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:05,278 Jerry. Hello. 107 00:05:05,449 --> 00:05:08,088 Hello, Uncle Leo. 108 00:05:08,249 --> 00:05:10,843 - What are you doing here? - Nana called me to open the bottle. 109 00:05:11,009 --> 00:05:12,567 Yeah, me too. 110 00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:15,846 - Hello, Jerry. - Hi, Nana. 111 00:05:16,449 --> 00:05:19,521 - Aren't you gonna kiss her hello? - Yes, yes, of course. 112 00:05:19,689 --> 00:05:21,281 Well, here's the bottle. 113 00:05:21,449 --> 00:05:22,643 - I'll do it. - I got it. 114 00:05:22,809 --> 00:05:24,003 - Give it to me. - Stop it. 115 00:05:24,169 --> 00:05:27,161 - Jerry, would you give me the bottle? - Uncle Leo. 116 00:05:28,489 --> 00:05:29,808 All right. Take it. 117 00:05:29,969 --> 00:05:32,005 You should let Buddy open it. 118 00:05:32,169 --> 00:05:36,162 Buddy? He lived next door to us 45 years ago. 119 00:05:36,809 --> 00:05:41,280 - Leo, did you give Helen the $50? - What $50? 120 00:05:41,449 --> 00:05:44,805 Your father won $1000 at the track last week... 121 00:05:44,969 --> 00:05:46,527 ...and he gave you 100... 122 00:05:46,689 --> 00:05:49,806 ...and you were supposed to give $50 to your sister. 123 00:05:49,969 --> 00:05:54,326 Ma, Dad died in 1962. 124 00:05:55,329 --> 00:05:58,560 Believe me, I don't owe your mother $50. 125 00:06:05,929 --> 00:06:07,282 I'm not getting any hot water. 126 00:06:07,449 --> 00:06:10,247 I know there's nothing worse than when your shower's not working. 127 00:06:10,409 --> 00:06:12,206 - I'm gonna take care of it. - Thanks, Julio. 128 00:06:12,369 --> 00:06:13,768 All right. 129 00:06:18,689 --> 00:06:21,487 - Oh, hey. - Hey, hey. Hello. 130 00:06:23,289 --> 00:06:25,678 - What's going on here? - Nothing, nothing. 131 00:06:25,849 --> 00:06:28,761 - Well, then what are you doing? - I need a pen. 132 00:06:28,929 --> 00:06:32,285 - What for? - Well, I'm making out my will. 133 00:06:32,809 --> 00:06:34,959 Oh, I got a big slice of dough for you, buddy... 134 00:06:35,129 --> 00:06:36,881 ...and you too. I haven't forgotten you. 135 00:06:37,049 --> 00:06:38,562 You're looking for a picture of me? 136 00:06:38,729 --> 00:06:40,401 You got that straight. 137 00:06:41,009 --> 00:06:42,203 I told you, forget it. 138 00:06:42,369 --> 00:06:44,724 Oh, come on, Jerry. If everybody knew everybody... 139 00:06:44,889 --> 00:06:47,278 ...we wouldn't have the problems we have in the world. 140 00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:49,519 You don't rob somebody if you know their name. 141 00:06:49,689 --> 00:06:51,407 You're robbing me. 142 00:06:53,249 --> 00:06:57,128 I'm gonna get your picture, and you're gonna participate in my program. 143 00:06:57,409 --> 00:06:59,127 - Are you going home? - Yeah. 144 00:06:59,289 --> 00:07:02,326 Can you come back in about five minutes? 145 00:07:02,489 --> 00:07:03,717 Why? 146 00:07:03,889 --> 00:07:07,404 No reason. Just wanna see you again. 147 00:07:18,569 --> 00:07:21,129 - You sure Wendy's coming? - Yeah, she'll be here any second. 148 00:07:21,289 --> 00:07:24,406 This will be an interesting experiment to see if Kramer says something. 149 00:07:24,569 --> 00:07:27,481 - You wanna go through with this? - Listen, Jerry, she never dates... 150 00:07:27,649 --> 00:07:30,083 ...and I know it's because of her hair. 151 00:07:33,809 --> 00:07:36,164 Hello. Oh, hi, Mom. 152 00:07:36,329 --> 00:07:40,288 Yeah, I was at Nana's yesterday. I had to help her open a ketchup bottle. 153 00:07:40,769 --> 00:07:42,407 Hey, Mom, let me ask you a question. 154 00:07:42,569 --> 00:07:45,129 Do you remember when you were a kid... 155 00:07:45,569 --> 00:07:49,198 ...your father winning, like, $1000 at the track? 156 00:07:49,449 --> 00:07:50,802 Really? 157 00:07:50,969 --> 00:07:52,846 Did you know he gave Uncle Leo $100... 158 00:07:53,009 --> 00:07:55,398 ...and he was supposed to give you 50? 159 00:07:55,649 --> 00:07:58,482 How do I know? Because Nana doesn't know what year it is... 160 00:07:58,649 --> 00:08:00,879 ...and she thinks this just happened. 161 00:08:01,649 --> 00:08:03,560 Well, I think you should. 162 00:08:03,729 --> 00:08:05,367 Okay. Bye. 163 00:08:06,409 --> 00:08:10,197 Do you know what the interest on that $50 comes to over 53 years? 164 00:08:10,369 --> 00:08:11,643 Oh, Morty, please. 165 00:08:11,809 --> 00:08:14,767 $663.45... 166 00:08:14,929 --> 00:08:17,762 ...and that's figuring conservatively at 5 percent interest... 167 00:08:17,929 --> 00:08:20,841 ...over 53 years compounded quarterly. 168 00:08:21,009 --> 00:08:24,558 - Or if you put it into a 10-year T-bill- - Morty, will you stop it? 169 00:08:24,729 --> 00:08:27,163 Well, he's not getting away with this. 170 00:08:31,569 --> 00:08:32,797 - Yeah? - It's Wendy. 171 00:08:32,969 --> 00:08:34,527 Come on up. 172 00:08:35,769 --> 00:08:38,488 - This is it. Should I go get Kramer? - No, no. He'll come in. 173 00:08:38,649 --> 00:08:41,686 This is gonna be my first opportunity to not kiss her hello. 174 00:08:41,849 --> 00:08:45,603 What is the big deal about putting your lips on somebody's face? 175 00:08:45,769 --> 00:08:48,567 It's the obligation. You know, as soon as this person comes in... 176 00:08:48,729 --> 00:08:50,560 ...you know you have to do this. 177 00:08:50,729 --> 00:08:55,041 I mean, if you could, say, touch a breast as part of the kiss hello... 178 00:08:55,969 --> 00:08:58,847 ...then I think I could see the value in it a little better. 179 00:08:59,009 --> 00:09:01,569 How about an intercourse hello? How would that be? 180 00:09:02,689 --> 00:09:04,486 Elaine, now you're being ridiculous. 181 00:09:06,209 --> 00:09:08,439 - That's her. That's her. - Wait, wait. 182 00:09:08,609 --> 00:09:10,918 - What? - Okay, go, go, go. 183 00:09:12,569 --> 00:09:14,241 - Hi, Wendy. - Hi, Elaine. 184 00:09:14,409 --> 00:09:16,081 - Hi, Wendy. - Oh, hi, Jerry. 185 00:09:16,249 --> 00:09:18,444 - Would you like something to drink? - Sure. 186 00:09:18,969 --> 00:09:20,641 There you go. 187 00:09:25,089 --> 00:09:28,399 Oh, look at that. I'm almost out of Klondike bars. 188 00:09:30,649 --> 00:09:31,923 So how's everything going? 189 00:09:32,089 --> 00:09:34,728 Oh, okay. Your friend George came by the office the other day. 190 00:09:34,889 --> 00:09:36,607 And then yesterday, he cancelled on me. 191 00:09:36,769 --> 00:09:39,044 Yeah, he had to take his mother to the chiropodist. 192 00:09:39,929 --> 00:09:42,568 Oh, did you hear that? That must be Kramer. 193 00:09:42,729 --> 00:09:44,606 Hey, Jerry. 194 00:09:48,209 --> 00:09:50,677 - Come on. That's not fair. - I told you I was gonna get it. 195 00:09:50,849 --> 00:09:54,444 - No, come on. Give me the picture. - No, no, no. 196 00:09:54,649 --> 00:09:56,958 All right, fine. Put my picture up. What do I care? 197 00:09:58,049 --> 00:10:00,802 Kramer, Kramer, I'd like you to meet my friend Wendy. 198 00:10:00,969 --> 00:10:02,402 - Oh, hello. - Hi. 199 00:10:08,969 --> 00:10:11,005 You know, I really like that hairdo. 200 00:10:13,329 --> 00:10:16,127 Thank you. I actually was thinking it might be time for a change. 201 00:10:16,289 --> 00:10:19,565 - Oh, you were? - No, no. You don't wanna do that. 202 00:10:19,969 --> 00:10:21,800 - Nobody wears it like that. - No, Kramer... 203 00:10:21,969 --> 00:10:23,766 - ... if she wants to change her hair- - No. 204 00:10:23,929 --> 00:10:26,284 You'd be a damn fool to change it. 205 00:10:26,449 --> 00:10:28,804 - It's very becoming. - Oh, well. 206 00:10:38,209 --> 00:10:40,484 So who's that friend of yours, that guy who came in? 207 00:10:40,649 --> 00:10:44,164 - Oh, Kramer. - Yeah. Does he have a girlfriend? 208 00:10:44,409 --> 00:10:46,240 You wanna go out with him? 209 00:10:46,409 --> 00:10:48,001 Well, why not? 210 00:10:48,369 --> 00:10:50,644 Well, it's just that- That I- 211 00:10:50,809 --> 00:10:53,369 What, is there anything wrong with him? 212 00:10:57,089 --> 00:10:58,602 Elaine? 213 00:10:59,449 --> 00:11:01,724 No, I'm just thinking about the question. 214 00:11:05,689 --> 00:11:08,726 You know, my arm feels a lot better. That Wendy really knows her stuff. 215 00:11:09,129 --> 00:11:10,847 - She is super. - Yeah. 216 00:11:11,009 --> 00:11:12,203 Same time tomorrow? 217 00:11:12,529 --> 00:11:15,839 Yeah, same time. There you go. 218 00:11:16,889 --> 00:11:20,006 Oh, you owe 150. 219 00:11:20,529 --> 00:11:22,838 - What for? - Well, you cancelled on Tuesday... 220 00:11:23,009 --> 00:11:25,728 ...and our policy is 24 hours' notice... 221 00:11:25,889 --> 00:11:28,244 ...for all cancellations. 222 00:11:29,049 --> 00:11:32,405 Well, I couldn't come. I had to drive my mother to the chiropodist. 223 00:11:32,569 --> 00:11:35,800 - What's the problem? - I'm being charged for Tuesday. 224 00:11:35,969 --> 00:11:37,766 I had to take my mother to the chiropodist. 225 00:11:37,929 --> 00:11:39,442 Well, I'm sorry. That's our policy. 226 00:11:41,209 --> 00:11:45,600 Oh, you have a policy. The delicate genius has a policy. 227 00:11:46,929 --> 00:11:48,806 So will you be here tomorrow? 228 00:11:49,449 --> 00:11:53,567 Well, it's less than 24 hours, so I guess I have to. 229 00:11:57,889 --> 00:12:00,642 Hey. So, what do you think? You like it? 230 00:12:00,809 --> 00:12:04,563 Oh, my God. Look at that picture. That's terrible. 231 00:12:04,729 --> 00:12:06,162 You can't put that picture up. 232 00:12:06,329 --> 00:12:08,206 Well, it's not a beauty contest. 233 00:12:08,369 --> 00:12:11,042 It's just a way for people to get to know one another. 234 00:12:11,209 --> 00:12:12,961 - Hi, Cosmo. - Hey... 235 00:12:13,129 --> 00:12:14,642 ...Steve. 236 00:12:15,649 --> 00:12:16,968 Now, you see? 237 00:12:17,529 --> 00:12:19,918 Hey, Kramer. My friend Wendy wants to go out with you. 238 00:12:20,089 --> 00:12:22,444 Well, how do you do? 239 00:12:23,649 --> 00:12:26,482 Hello, Jerry. 240 00:12:26,649 --> 00:12:28,640 Oh, hello... 241 00:12:30,609 --> 00:12:32,167 ...Mary. 242 00:12:32,329 --> 00:12:36,163 I've seen you so many times, and now we can finally talk to each other. 243 00:12:36,329 --> 00:12:38,684 See, what was I telling you? Isn't this nice? 244 00:12:38,849 --> 00:12:41,363 Jerry, you know, could you help me with a package? 245 00:12:41,529 --> 00:12:44,248 - Oh, sure. Yeah. - Thank you. 246 00:12:46,649 --> 00:12:49,083 Oh, no. 247 00:12:50,289 --> 00:12:53,759 You see, that's just what I need, more kissing. 248 00:12:56,169 --> 00:12:57,602 What is so funny? 249 00:12:57,769 --> 00:12:58,997 Nothing. Nothing. 250 00:13:02,569 --> 00:13:04,764 Hello. Oh, hi, Ma. 251 00:13:04,929 --> 00:13:06,078 What? 252 00:13:06,249 --> 00:13:08,524 Oh, Ma, he didn't? 253 00:13:08,689 --> 00:13:10,520 He couldn't. 254 00:13:10,689 --> 00:13:12,281 All right, I will. 255 00:13:12,449 --> 00:13:14,201 Okay, bye. 256 00:13:14,769 --> 00:13:17,044 Uncle Leo put Nana in a home. 257 00:13:17,489 --> 00:13:19,798 - Why? - I don't know. 258 00:13:19,969 --> 00:13:22,244 Maybe to keep her quiet. 259 00:13:27,849 --> 00:13:29,601 Hi, Jerry. 260 00:13:30,729 --> 00:13:32,321 - Hi, Joan. - How you doing? 261 00:13:32,489 --> 00:13:34,559 - Pretty good. - Just pretty good? Not great? 262 00:13:34,729 --> 00:13:36,082 Okay, great. 263 00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:38,001 - Are you happy? - Oh, I'm delighted. 264 00:13:38,169 --> 00:13:40,888 - Okay. Have a nice day. - You too. 265 00:13:41,209 --> 00:13:44,679 - Hi, Jerry. - Hi, Louise. 266 00:13:49,609 --> 00:13:50,962 Hey. 267 00:13:51,369 --> 00:13:53,439 Oh, well, thank you very much. 268 00:13:53,689 --> 00:13:55,839 - For what? - For putting my picture up on that wall. 269 00:13:56,009 --> 00:13:58,682 I'm like Richard Dawson down there now. 270 00:13:59,649 --> 00:14:03,483 Every person I see engages me in this long, boring, tedious conversation. 271 00:14:03,649 --> 00:14:06,800 - I can't even get out of the building. - You should be thanking me... 272 00:14:06,969 --> 00:14:10,086 ...for liberating you from your world of loneliness and isolation. 273 00:14:10,249 --> 00:14:13,127 - Now you're part of a family. - Family? 274 00:14:13,289 --> 00:14:15,086 - Yeah. - You think I want another family? 275 00:14:15,249 --> 00:14:17,558 My father's demanding my uncle pay interest... 276 00:14:17,729 --> 00:14:20,641 ...on $50 he was supposed to give my mother in 1941... 277 00:14:20,809 --> 00:14:24,358 ...and my uncle put my Nana in a home to try and shut her up. 278 00:14:24,529 --> 00:14:27,168 Another thing, Cosmo, Kramer, whatever you wanna be called... 279 00:14:27,329 --> 00:14:29,684 ...the kissing thing is over. There's no more kissing... 280 00:14:29,849 --> 00:14:31,999 ...and I don't care what the consequences are. 281 00:14:54,089 --> 00:14:58,082 Oh, hi, Mr. Costanza. We were trying to get in touch with you. 282 00:14:58,249 --> 00:15:01,241 Wendy can't make her appointment. 283 00:15:03,529 --> 00:15:06,043 - What do you mean? - She had some personal affairs... 284 00:15:06,209 --> 00:15:07,358 ...she had to attend to. 285 00:15:07,529 --> 00:15:09,759 I left a message on your machine. You didn't get it? 286 00:15:10,129 --> 00:15:12,802 - When did you leave the message? - A few hours ago. 287 00:15:13,449 --> 00:15:18,239 Oh, I'm sorry. I require 24 hours' notice for a cancellation. 288 00:15:18,409 --> 00:15:21,526 Now, as I see it, you owe me $75. 289 00:15:21,689 --> 00:15:25,682 - Look, Mr. Costanza- - Will that be cash or check? 290 00:15:28,969 --> 00:15:30,721 I am really glad I took the day off. 291 00:15:30,889 --> 00:15:32,959 Oh, yeah. There's nothing better than skiing. 292 00:15:33,129 --> 00:15:36,087 Yeah. God, I hope my clients weren't too upset. 293 00:15:36,649 --> 00:15:38,401 The hell with them. 294 00:15:41,689 --> 00:15:43,202 What are you stopping here for? 295 00:15:43,369 --> 00:15:45,121 I'm dropping you off. 296 00:15:45,289 --> 00:15:48,167 - Oh, no. I'm three more blocks. - If I take you right to your door... 297 00:15:48,329 --> 00:15:51,366 ...I have to go all the way around Central Park West, back to Columbus. 298 00:15:51,529 --> 00:15:53,679 You know, it's all one-way. 299 00:15:53,849 --> 00:15:55,441 Yeah, but it's only three blocks. 300 00:15:55,609 --> 00:15:58,123 Right. It's only three blocks. 301 00:16:00,369 --> 00:16:01,484 All right. Well. 302 00:16:04,889 --> 00:16:06,288 I got it. 303 00:16:13,449 --> 00:16:16,361 She'd driven me 120 miles, then all of a sudden... 304 00:16:16,529 --> 00:16:20,408 ...three blocks from my door, she decides this trip is over. 305 00:16:20,569 --> 00:16:23,037 - Isn't that strange? - Yes, it's very strange, very strange. 306 00:16:23,209 --> 00:16:24,881 I've never heard of anything like this. 307 00:16:25,049 --> 00:16:28,644 It's as if I was hitchhiking and she said, "This is as far as I can take you." 308 00:16:28,809 --> 00:16:32,324 If you were, you'd never get in a car with someone with a hairdo like that. 309 00:16:32,489 --> 00:16:34,798 I had to carry my skis and my boots and my poles. 310 00:16:34,969 --> 00:16:38,325 - I pinched a nerve in my shoulder. - You should have her work on it. 311 00:16:38,489 --> 00:16:40,161 Yeah. All right. I gotta go. 312 00:16:42,649 --> 00:16:44,321 - Hi, Jerry. - Hi, Mary. 313 00:16:44,489 --> 00:16:47,322 Listen, I've decided I can't kiss hello anymore. 314 00:16:47,489 --> 00:16:51,641 I'm sorry. It's nothing personal. It makes me uncomfortable. I'm sorry. 315 00:16:52,649 --> 00:16:54,844 - Hi, Jerry. - Hi, Louise. I was just telling Mary... 316 00:16:55,009 --> 00:16:57,728 ...how I'm not gonna do the kiss-hello thing anymore. I'm sorry. 317 00:16:57,889 --> 00:16:59,641 I just can't do it. It's nothing personal. 318 00:16:59,809 --> 00:17:04,280 It's just that I'm not really able to do it. Thank you for your cooperation. 319 00:17:04,809 --> 00:17:05,958 - Hello. - Jerry? 320 00:17:06,129 --> 00:17:08,643 Hi, Mom. What's happening with Uncle Leo? Is he paying you? 321 00:17:08,809 --> 00:17:11,039 Well, he said no. He says we have no proof. 322 00:17:11,209 --> 00:17:13,200 No proof? We'll get him. 323 00:17:13,369 --> 00:17:15,837 He's a crook. Sooner or later he'll slip up. 324 00:17:16,009 --> 00:17:19,206 Anyway, I want you to go check on Nana at the home. 325 00:17:19,369 --> 00:17:20,927 - Okay, I will. - Do you realise... 326 00:17:21,089 --> 00:17:25,640 ...an above-average-performing growth mutual fund for 53 years- 327 00:17:26,649 --> 00:17:29,959 - What's up? - I gotta go visit my Nana in the home. 328 00:17:34,689 --> 00:17:37,442 Hey, Kramer. Look at this. Look at my picture. 329 00:17:38,329 --> 00:17:39,842 I've been defaced. 330 00:17:41,369 --> 00:17:43,644 Well, don't you worry, buddy. I made double prints. 331 00:17:43,809 --> 00:17:46,243 - Hey. Hi, Cosmo. - Oh, hey. Jack. How you doing? 332 00:17:46,409 --> 00:17:48,047 Hi, Jack. 333 00:17:51,489 --> 00:17:54,162 I was wondering, could you get to that shower today, you think? 334 00:17:54,329 --> 00:17:57,605 Oh, I see. When you need something done, then you're friendly to people. 335 00:17:57,769 --> 00:18:00,158 - No, no. That's not true. - Well, I think it is. 336 00:18:00,329 --> 00:18:03,366 It's a big building, Seinfeld. Maybe I'll get to it someday... 337 00:18:03,529 --> 00:18:06,646 ...after I take care of the people that are civil to each other. 338 00:18:09,929 --> 00:18:11,965 Yeah, she's upstairs playing cards. 339 00:18:12,129 --> 00:18:14,689 She really doesn't belong here. My uncle put her here... 340 00:18:14,849 --> 00:18:17,443 ...because he's trying to prove he doesn't owe my mother $50. 341 00:18:17,889 --> 00:18:20,164 Well, she seems very happy. 342 00:18:20,329 --> 00:18:22,718 She met an old friend who used to live next door to her. 343 00:18:23,609 --> 00:18:25,918 - Buddy? - Yes, that's his name. 344 00:18:26,089 --> 00:18:27,886 He's right over there. 345 00:18:30,929 --> 00:18:33,124 I'm sorry. I don't owe you anything. 346 00:18:33,289 --> 00:18:35,166 I had some personal business that day. 347 00:18:35,529 --> 00:18:38,566 Oh, I see. So your time is more valuable than mine. Is that it? 348 00:18:38,729 --> 00:18:40,321 You're a delicate genius. 349 00:18:40,689 --> 00:18:42,168 A delicate genius? 350 00:18:42,729 --> 00:18:44,162 - Elaine. - George. 351 00:18:45,929 --> 00:18:47,647 Good luck. 352 00:18:48,329 --> 00:18:50,285 - What's going on? - Wendy... 353 00:18:50,449 --> 00:18:53,600 ...I injured my shoulder Wednesday when you dropped me off... 354 00:18:53,769 --> 00:18:57,444 ...and I had to carry my skis and my boots and my poles all the way home. 355 00:18:57,609 --> 00:18:59,600 I'm having trouble lifting my arm. 356 00:18:59,769 --> 00:19:01,600 You think you could give me some treatment? 357 00:19:01,769 --> 00:19:05,125 Oh, sure. You have insurance, right? 358 00:19:05,569 --> 00:19:08,447 Insurance? You're charging me? 359 00:19:08,609 --> 00:19:10,247 Wednesday? 360 00:19:10,409 --> 00:19:13,242 That's your personal business? Skiing? 361 00:19:13,409 --> 00:19:16,321 Sure. Let people suffer while you're shooshing all over a mountain. 362 00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:20,960 - How did you hear that? - I hear everything. 363 00:19:21,409 --> 00:19:24,207 All right, why don't you two just take your business elsewhere. 364 00:19:25,129 --> 00:19:27,040 That is a good idea. 365 00:19:27,209 --> 00:19:29,677 - Come on, George. - Yeah. Let's go. 366 00:19:30,369 --> 00:19:35,887 And you know, you might wanna do something about that hair. 367 00:19:37,129 --> 00:19:38,562 Why? What's wrong with my hair? 368 00:19:38,729 --> 00:19:42,927 I think it's a little old-fashioned, don't you? 369 00:19:43,089 --> 00:19:45,922 - Tell her. - She's right. 370 00:19:46,889 --> 00:19:48,368 So you were with him at the track? 371 00:19:48,529 --> 00:19:52,807 Oh, yeah. He won $1000. His son was there too. 372 00:19:52,969 --> 00:19:55,563 - Leo? - Yeah, that's it. Leo. 373 00:19:55,729 --> 00:19:58,801 Oh, what an obnoxious little kid. 374 00:19:58,969 --> 00:20:01,927 He used to steal my soda bottles and cash them in for the deposit. 375 00:20:02,569 --> 00:20:03,763 Is that so? 376 00:20:04,009 --> 00:20:06,807 After your grandfather hit the daily double, he gave him $100... 377 00:20:06,969 --> 00:20:08,766 ...and told him to give $50 to his sister. 378 00:20:08,929 --> 00:20:10,248 His sister? 379 00:20:10,409 --> 00:20:13,287 Well, I said he should give it to me for all the bottles he took. 380 00:20:13,449 --> 00:20:16,168 Well, that's very interesting. 381 00:20:16,529 --> 00:20:17,928 Uncle Leo... 382 00:20:18,089 --> 00:20:21,365 ...I just met an old acquaintance of yours. You remember Buddy. 383 00:20:21,529 --> 00:20:25,681 He just told me quite a story about you and Grandpa at the track. 384 00:20:26,249 --> 00:20:28,809 - Wait a second. - You're busted. 385 00:20:31,849 --> 00:20:33,646 Hey, Steve. How you doing? 386 00:20:35,209 --> 00:20:37,245 Hey, Jeff. What's happening? 387 00:20:38,689 --> 00:20:40,919 Mary. Oh, Mary. 388 00:20:41,089 --> 00:20:43,523 Give us a kiss. Don't be like that. I made a mistake. 389 00:20:43,689 --> 00:20:46,886 Look, why don't you do everybody a favour and just get out of this building. 390 00:20:47,049 --> 00:20:49,404 Nobody wants you here. Nobody! 391 00:20:49,649 --> 00:20:52,004 - Hi, Mary. - Oh, hi, Jeff. How are you? 392 00:20:52,169 --> 00:20:53,807 Hi, Steve. How are you? 393 00:20:53,969 --> 00:20:55,960 - Hey, let's go get some coffee. - Great idea. 394 00:20:56,129 --> 00:20:58,324 I gotta go down to the corner, but- 395 00:21:02,089 --> 00:21:04,045 Oh, Paul, could you hold that door? 396 00:21:17,449 --> 00:21:18,882 - Hi. - Hey, could I use your shower? 397 00:21:19,049 --> 00:21:20,687 What, again? You took one this morning. 398 00:21:20,849 --> 00:21:22,282 I got a date. Come on. Please. 399 00:21:22,449 --> 00:21:24,565 I know, but, you know, I got a little problem. 400 00:21:24,729 --> 00:21:27,527 - Wendy here? - No, no. She changed her hairstyle. 401 00:21:27,689 --> 00:21:29,725 It's terrible. No, we're done. 402 00:21:29,889 --> 00:21:31,845 - I'll go get some more beer. - Oh, yeah. Great. 403 00:21:32,009 --> 00:21:34,398 And get some of those blue corn chips. 404 00:21:34,569 --> 00:21:36,002 - Hey. - Hi, Cosmo. 405 00:21:36,169 --> 00:21:38,683 Hi. I like that. 406 00:21:38,849 --> 00:21:40,487 - Who was that? - That was Stephanie, 2G. 407 00:21:40,649 --> 00:21:41,923 Oh, man. 408 00:21:42,089 --> 00:21:44,967 - You got quite a few people in here. - Well, I'd invite you in... 409 00:21:45,129 --> 00:21:46,881 ...but, you know. 410 00:21:47,049 --> 00:21:49,199 Oh, I understand. 411 00:21:57,209 --> 00:21:59,200 Subtitles by SDl Media Group