1 00:00:02,317 --> 00:00:04,069 I was thinking about the wig historically. 2 00:00:05,597 --> 00:00:07,952 The Revolutionary War was the last war fought in wigs... 3 00:00:08,117 --> 00:00:11,314 ...and it seems like that must have been hard. They're going into battle: 4 00:00:11,477 --> 00:00:14,071 "Well, do I have my bullets? Do I have my bobby pins?" 5 00:00:14,237 --> 00:00:17,035 You gotta make sure you have everything. Lot more to worry about. 6 00:00:17,197 --> 00:00:20,155 "What if I get killed? Is my wig on straight?" 7 00:00:21,037 --> 00:00:24,154 I don't know when the whole wig thing came into style for a man... 8 00:00:24,317 --> 00:00:25,750 ...but I know when it went out: 9 00:00:25,917 --> 00:00:28,511 When the mirror was invented. 10 00:00:28,677 --> 00:00:30,235 No guy is looking in a mirror... 11 00:00:30,397 --> 00:00:33,355 ...powdering a thatch of horsehair on his head, going: 12 00:00:33,517 --> 00:00:37,351 "All right, let's go rap to the ladies." 13 00:00:40,077 --> 00:00:43,035 - I'm looking for a crested blazer. - A crested blazer. 14 00:00:43,197 --> 00:00:46,553 I wore one once, and I really think it did something for me. 15 00:00:46,717 --> 00:00:48,469 Yes, I think we might have something. 16 00:00:50,117 --> 00:00:52,950 The Joseph Abboud crested blazer is the finest. 17 00:00:53,117 --> 00:00:55,551 That's hand ticking around the crest... 18 00:00:55,717 --> 00:00:59,187 ...and these are the world-famous corisso buttons... 19 00:00:59,357 --> 00:01:01,109 ...made from the finest antelope horn. 20 00:01:02,237 --> 00:01:04,387 Then they'll match my sneakers. 21 00:01:06,477 --> 00:01:09,355 It looks fabulous on you. Shall I wrap it up? 22 00:01:09,517 --> 00:01:12,190 You know, I'm not sure. 23 00:01:12,357 --> 00:01:13,836 I'll tell you what. 24 00:01:13,997 --> 00:01:16,875 I'll come back later with someone, see what they think. 25 00:01:20,877 --> 00:01:24,074 - Really, I'll be back. - Yeah. 26 00:01:24,837 --> 00:01:28,307 So I didn't like the crest all that much, but the guy spent 15 minutes with me. 27 00:01:28,477 --> 00:01:31,833 To get out of the store, I said I wanted to see what someone else thought. 28 00:01:31,997 --> 00:01:34,272 Then he makes a face like he doesn't believe me. 29 00:01:34,437 --> 00:01:36,029 So he knew you were making it up? 30 00:01:36,197 --> 00:01:37,232 Yeah, he caught me. 31 00:01:37,877 --> 00:01:39,276 So here's what I want you to do. 32 00:01:39,437 --> 00:01:42,270 Come with me to the store, and we'll pretend to look at the coat. 33 00:01:42,677 --> 00:01:43,905 That's ridiculous. 34 00:01:44,077 --> 00:01:45,988 Why go back there if you don't want the coat? 35 00:01:46,317 --> 00:01:49,753 Because he thinks I was lying. I wanna show him I wasn't. 36 00:01:50,077 --> 00:01:51,271 But you were. 37 00:01:51,437 --> 00:01:54,395 But if you go back with me, then I'm not. 38 00:01:54,917 --> 00:01:56,794 All right, fine. Whatever. 39 00:01:57,637 --> 00:01:59,275 Problems with the houseguest? 40 00:01:59,437 --> 00:02:00,631 What houseguest? 41 00:02:00,797 --> 00:02:03,550 This friend of Susan's is staying with us for two weeks. 42 00:02:03,717 --> 00:02:05,628 Now, am I wrong, or is that excessive? 43 00:02:06,517 --> 00:02:10,271 Well, Bob Sacamano, he stayed with me once for a year and a half. 44 00:02:10,877 --> 00:02:13,152 - Who is he? - He's a wig master. 45 00:02:14,157 --> 00:02:16,796 - What is a wig master? - He's with the touring company... 46 00:02:16,957 --> 00:02:19,551 ...of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. 47 00:02:19,717 --> 00:02:21,355 He's the guy in charge of the wigs. 48 00:02:22,037 --> 00:02:26,474 Boy, imagine liking wigs to the point it becomes a career choice. 49 00:02:26,637 --> 00:02:29,390 So how about some tickets, George? You know, I'd kill for a peek. 50 00:02:29,557 --> 00:02:32,515 Yeah, yeah. Sure, sure, sure. I gotta drop my car off at the new lot. 51 00:02:32,677 --> 00:02:35,032 - What lot's that? - Jiffy Park. It's incredible. 52 00:02:35,197 --> 00:02:36,516 Seventy-five dollars a month. 53 00:02:36,677 --> 00:02:38,235 Seventy-five bucks a month? 54 00:02:38,397 --> 00:02:40,194 You get this cool T-shirt when you sign up. 55 00:02:40,357 --> 00:02:41,426 Oh, I'm down. 56 00:02:42,757 --> 00:02:45,829 Remember me? I said I'd come back with someone, and I did. 57 00:02:46,597 --> 00:02:48,827 - Surprised? - No, I believed you. 58 00:02:49,037 --> 00:02:50,629 This is Elaine. 59 00:02:50,797 --> 00:02:53,265 Oh, hello. I'm Craig. 60 00:02:53,437 --> 00:02:54,870 Oh, hi. 61 00:02:55,317 --> 00:02:58,753 Well, here it is. 62 00:03:00,637 --> 00:03:02,753 Joseph Abboud. 63 00:03:02,917 --> 00:03:05,670 And look at this hand ticking around the crest. 64 00:03:05,837 --> 00:03:07,270 You know your clothes. 65 00:03:07,437 --> 00:03:10,713 Well, I'm in the biz. I work for J. Peterman. 66 00:03:10,877 --> 00:03:14,233 I love J. Peterman. I especially enjoy the catalog. 67 00:03:14,397 --> 00:03:16,513 Those fanciful narratives really take me away. 68 00:03:16,677 --> 00:03:17,826 - Oh, really? - Yeah. 69 00:03:17,997 --> 00:03:19,476 - You know what? I write those. - No. 70 00:03:19,637 --> 00:03:22,709 Elaine, what about the crest? What do you think of the crest here? 71 00:03:22,877 --> 00:03:24,469 Well, I love it. 72 00:03:24,637 --> 00:03:26,150 - You what? - I think it's great. 73 00:03:26,317 --> 00:03:29,070 - I think you should get it. - Well... 74 00:03:31,277 --> 00:03:34,394 - Will it be check or credit card? - Check. 75 00:03:35,117 --> 00:03:38,029 I'll need you to write down your phone number on the check for me. 76 00:03:38,197 --> 00:03:39,835 Perhaps you could do the same. 77 00:03:45,957 --> 00:03:47,356 You weren't supposed to say that. 78 00:03:47,517 --> 00:03:49,712 - But I really did like it. - That's not the point. 79 00:03:49,877 --> 00:03:52,437 You put me in a position where I had no choice. 80 00:03:52,597 --> 00:03:53,632 Sorry. 81 00:03:53,917 --> 00:03:56,431 What about that guy asking you out right in front of me? 82 00:03:56,597 --> 00:03:58,508 What is the big deal? 83 00:03:58,677 --> 00:04:01,794 It was very emasculating. He doesn't know the nature of our relationship. 84 00:04:01,957 --> 00:04:05,188 You're there approving new clothes. That's a girlfriend job. 85 00:04:05,357 --> 00:04:06,551 How dare he? 86 00:04:06,717 --> 00:04:08,628 He dared. 87 00:04:13,837 --> 00:04:16,476 Hi, George. How was your day? 88 00:04:17,157 --> 00:04:19,193 Good. Good day. 89 00:04:19,997 --> 00:04:23,273 - You? - I am getting so much work done. 90 00:04:23,437 --> 00:04:26,474 - See? - Very nice. 91 00:04:26,637 --> 00:04:28,548 Hey, sweetie, how was your day? 92 00:04:28,717 --> 00:04:30,947 I already asked him that. He said, "Good. Good day." 93 00:04:39,397 --> 00:04:41,035 Thank God you're home. I'm locked out. 94 00:04:41,197 --> 00:04:42,789 I dropped my car at Jiffy Park... 95 00:04:42,957 --> 00:04:45,266 ...and I forgot to take my apartment key off the ring. 96 00:04:45,437 --> 00:04:48,873 - So you got my spare? - No, I gave it back to you. 97 00:04:49,037 --> 00:04:50,186 You did? 98 00:04:50,357 --> 00:04:52,666 Well, look, can you take me over there? 99 00:04:52,837 --> 00:04:54,236 - Oh, come on. - Oh, come on, Jerry. 100 00:04:54,397 --> 00:04:57,469 - It's all the way over to 12th Avenue. - I didn't tell you to park there. 101 00:04:57,637 --> 00:05:00,197 Now someone's gotta drive you every time you need your car? 102 00:05:00,357 --> 00:05:02,712 - Take the bus. - I'm not gonna take the bus. 103 00:05:02,877 --> 00:05:04,833 That's why I got a car. 104 00:05:05,437 --> 00:05:07,826 - Forget it. - I'm gonna get George to pick me up. 105 00:05:07,997 --> 00:05:09,749 He won't take you. 106 00:05:11,997 --> 00:05:14,557 Got it, got it. Hello? 107 00:05:14,717 --> 00:05:16,230 Can you take me over to Jiffy Park? 108 00:05:16,397 --> 00:05:19,992 Yeah, I'll pick you up right now. All right. Okay. Gotta go. 109 00:05:24,237 --> 00:05:25,795 So the wig mas- 110 00:05:25,957 --> 00:05:28,551 The wig master said you could stop by the theater tonight... 111 00:05:28,717 --> 00:05:30,594 ...and he'll show you around. 112 00:05:31,237 --> 00:05:32,716 Would you pick a station! 113 00:05:32,877 --> 00:05:35,266 I like them all. 114 00:05:38,117 --> 00:05:39,266 Oh, great. 115 00:05:39,437 --> 00:05:41,826 Now the volume knob fell off. 116 00:05:44,837 --> 00:05:45,986 What's this? 117 00:05:46,157 --> 00:05:48,466 - Oh, God. - What? 118 00:05:48,637 --> 00:05:50,116 It's a c- 119 00:05:50,277 --> 00:05:52,552 It's a condom! 120 00:05:55,757 --> 00:05:58,476 How do you like working there at The Andover Shop? 121 00:05:58,637 --> 00:06:01,868 I mean, it's pretty swanky. Upscale clientele. 122 00:06:02,037 --> 00:06:03,914 Except for Jerry. 123 00:06:06,077 --> 00:06:07,908 So did you see anything you liked? 124 00:06:09,277 --> 00:06:11,188 Because I can get you a considerable discount. 125 00:06:11,637 --> 00:06:13,593 Really? Well, actually, yeah, I did see... 126 00:06:13,757 --> 00:06:17,466 ...this amazing little black dress. It was sleeveless. 127 00:06:17,637 --> 00:06:19,434 - The Nicole Miller. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 128 00:06:19,597 --> 00:06:21,428 - I'll take care of it. - Really? 129 00:06:21,597 --> 00:06:22,791 But I barely know you. 130 00:06:22,957 --> 00:06:27,109 Well, we'll just have to do something about that, won't we? 131 00:06:37,157 --> 00:06:39,148 - Hey, Greg. - It's Craig. 132 00:06:39,317 --> 00:06:41,114 Oh, right. Nice lunch with Elaine? 133 00:06:42,157 --> 00:06:43,351 Yes, lovely. 134 00:06:43,517 --> 00:06:46,475 You know, I'm just curious, how did you know she wasn't my girlfriend? 135 00:06:46,637 --> 00:06:49,026 Well, I could just sense it. 136 00:06:49,197 --> 00:06:50,630 You know, we used to go out. 137 00:06:50,797 --> 00:06:54,836 - Oh, you did? - Oh, yeah, we went way out and wild. 138 00:06:55,717 --> 00:06:58,106 - Hey, Jer. - Hi, Elaine. 139 00:06:58,277 --> 00:07:01,428 Would you like to buy a rose for your wife? 140 00:07:02,957 --> 00:07:05,346 How do you know she's not my wife? 141 00:07:07,277 --> 00:07:09,233 I wanna know, how did that get into my car? 142 00:07:09,397 --> 00:07:12,992 Hey, look, you walk in this city, things are gonna stick to your foot. 143 00:07:13,157 --> 00:07:15,671 You open your car and... condom. 144 00:07:16,877 --> 00:07:19,107 That doesn't explain the lipstick on the dashboard. 145 00:07:19,277 --> 00:07:22,394 Here, take a few shirts. 146 00:07:25,757 --> 00:07:27,588 - What? - I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Kramer... 147 00:07:27,757 --> 00:07:30,794 ...but we can't get your car now. The keys have been misplaced. 148 00:07:30,957 --> 00:07:33,517 I need those keys. I won't be able to get into my apartment. 149 00:07:33,677 --> 00:07:37,033 Mr. Kramer, you like Cadillacs? 150 00:07:38,157 --> 00:07:40,625 Yeah, I like Cadillacs. Why, what do you got on your mind? 151 00:07:41,477 --> 00:07:44,150 Take that pink Cadillac Eldorado over there. 152 00:07:44,317 --> 00:07:45,750 It's a Mary Kay car. 153 00:07:45,917 --> 00:07:48,351 - Mary Kay? - Mary Kay car. 154 00:07:48,517 --> 00:07:50,394 I'll see you later. Thanks for driving me. 155 00:07:50,557 --> 00:07:52,866 Hey, what's happening? 156 00:07:53,037 --> 00:07:55,073 I'm gonna hang around here a little while. 157 00:07:55,237 --> 00:07:56,989 Something funny going on here. 158 00:07:58,477 --> 00:08:01,275 You were wrong about Craig. He's a very sweet guy. 159 00:08:01,437 --> 00:08:02,790 Well, what about the ponytail? 160 00:08:02,957 --> 00:08:04,390 - What about it? - Come on. 161 00:08:04,557 --> 00:08:06,832 Ponytail? Get real. 162 00:08:07,437 --> 00:08:10,474 All I know is he promised me a discount on that dress. 163 00:08:10,637 --> 00:08:12,355 Of course he did. The guy's working you. 164 00:08:12,517 --> 00:08:15,509 Oh, Jerry, I've been around enough to know when I'm being worked. 165 00:08:15,677 --> 00:08:19,352 - Have you slept with him yet? - I just met him this morning. 166 00:08:20,237 --> 00:08:21,431 It's been known to happen. 167 00:08:22,557 --> 00:08:24,229 I'm telling you right now, Elaine... 168 00:08:24,397 --> 00:08:26,752 ...this guy's gonna dangle that dress in front of you... 169 00:08:26,917 --> 00:08:29,795 ...like a dirt farmer dangles a carrot in front of a mule. 170 00:08:30,557 --> 00:08:32,149 Well, this is all very flattering- 171 00:08:32,317 --> 00:08:35,434 - Like a shark fisherman with chum. - Okay. 172 00:08:35,597 --> 00:08:38,395 - Like a shrimp farmer- - Okay. 173 00:08:39,877 --> 00:08:41,788 Well, that's the grand tour... 174 00:08:41,957 --> 00:08:44,266 - ... but I saved the best for last. - Oh, yeah. 175 00:08:45,157 --> 00:08:47,273 Behold, the Technicolor Dreamcoat. 176 00:08:49,277 --> 00:08:50,915 Spectacular. 177 00:08:52,477 --> 00:08:55,116 Excuse me. Would you mind if I ask you a few questions? 178 00:08:56,197 --> 00:08:57,425 Are you a cop? 179 00:08:57,597 --> 00:09:00,794 Oh, no, no. No, I'm not a cop. I work for the Yankees. 180 00:09:01,557 --> 00:09:02,751 They stink. 181 00:09:04,077 --> 00:09:09,515 Nevertheless, I was wondering if you and your friends... 182 00:09:09,677 --> 00:09:12,475 ...are doing business here at the Jiffy Park? 183 00:09:12,637 --> 00:09:15,754 You know, what do you people call it? 184 00:09:15,917 --> 00:09:17,794 Turning tricks? 185 00:09:19,557 --> 00:09:22,230 Anyway, see, the thing is, I found a condom in my car. 186 00:09:22,397 --> 00:09:23,910 Now, I'm not saying it's yours... 187 00:09:24,077 --> 00:09:26,386 ...I just wanna know if I should change parking lots. 188 00:09:26,997 --> 00:09:29,431 Get lost, mister. I'm trying to make a living here. 189 00:09:29,597 --> 00:09:32,236 I'll pay for your time. I just need some information. 190 00:09:32,397 --> 00:09:34,467 How much do you want? Ten? Fifteen? 191 00:09:34,637 --> 00:09:36,355 - You have change for 20? - Fifteen? 192 00:09:36,517 --> 00:09:37,836 - Well... - George? 193 00:09:37,997 --> 00:09:39,476 Hi, honey. 194 00:09:49,477 --> 00:09:52,708 - I hope that you're telling me the truth. - Of course I'm telling the truth. 195 00:09:52,877 --> 00:09:54,833 Because I have to be able to trust you. 196 00:09:54,997 --> 00:09:57,909 If I can't trust you, there's no way that this can work. 197 00:10:01,837 --> 00:10:03,395 Really? 198 00:10:03,557 --> 00:10:04,990 Yeah. 199 00:10:05,597 --> 00:10:07,906 Well, then you really have something to think about... 200 00:10:08,077 --> 00:10:10,716 ...because, you know, if there's any doubt in your mind- 201 00:10:10,877 --> 00:10:13,107 And it doesn't even have to be a big doubt, you know. 202 00:10:13,277 --> 00:10:14,915 Even a tiny doubt, a dot of a doubt- 203 00:10:15,077 --> 00:10:16,066 There's no doubt. 204 00:10:16,237 --> 00:10:19,354 Because if there's any doubt at all, I feel that we should cultivate it. 205 00:10:19,757 --> 00:10:20,951 Cultivate it? 206 00:10:21,517 --> 00:10:24,395 Yes, you know, deal with it. We have to deal with the doubt, Susan. 207 00:10:24,557 --> 00:10:26,627 The doubt must be dealt with. 208 00:10:26,797 --> 00:10:29,436 I have no doubt, George. Do you? 209 00:10:31,477 --> 00:10:33,468 No. 210 00:10:35,077 --> 00:10:37,033 You know, I can't wait to get that dress. 211 00:10:37,437 --> 00:10:39,234 Yeah, it should arrive imminently. 212 00:10:39,397 --> 00:10:40,625 Arrive? 213 00:10:40,797 --> 00:10:43,470 - Yes, from Milan. - But you said it was in the store. 214 00:10:43,637 --> 00:10:46,151 No, no, no. We sold out. We've had to order some more. 215 00:10:46,317 --> 00:10:49,309 - But I thought Nicole Miller was ma- - Well- 216 00:10:49,477 --> 00:10:51,672 - Ian. - Hey, Craig. 217 00:10:51,837 --> 00:10:53,156 Elaine, this is Ian. 218 00:10:53,317 --> 00:10:55,273 - Oh, hi, Ian. - Ian. 219 00:10:55,437 --> 00:10:57,268 - Ian. - Ian. 220 00:10:57,437 --> 00:10:59,667 He's a friend of mine from England. 221 00:10:59,837 --> 00:11:01,190 So tell me, how are you doing? 222 00:11:01,357 --> 00:11:03,587 Well, I'm working over at The Andover Shop, actually. 223 00:11:03,757 --> 00:11:05,076 You should come by. 224 00:11:05,237 --> 00:11:06,875 I'll get you a great discount. 225 00:11:07,037 --> 00:11:08,470 Maybe I will. 226 00:11:09,037 --> 00:11:11,392 - Nice meeting you. - Oh, nice to meet you. 227 00:11:11,557 --> 00:11:13,991 - Cheerio. - Bye, Ian. 228 00:11:14,677 --> 00:11:16,588 So you getting him a discount too? 229 00:11:16,757 --> 00:11:18,668 Well, why so surprised? 230 00:11:18,837 --> 00:11:20,395 No reason. 231 00:11:24,677 --> 00:11:27,874 That clothing salesman had a lot of nerve hitting on Elaine in front of me. 232 00:11:28,437 --> 00:11:31,588 He stands to make a big commission too, on that jacket with the crest... 233 00:11:31,757 --> 00:11:33,509 ...that nobody seems to like. 234 00:11:34,157 --> 00:11:37,308 You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna take that jacket back. 235 00:11:37,557 --> 00:11:40,310 I'm putting this guy right out of commission. 236 00:11:41,357 --> 00:11:44,315 All right. I'm gonna turn in. 237 00:11:44,477 --> 00:11:47,116 - Turn in? - Yeah, I had a tough day. 238 00:11:48,117 --> 00:11:49,345 It's only 9:00. 239 00:11:49,877 --> 00:11:53,153 Yeah, well, you know, I don't argue with the body, Jerry. 240 00:11:53,317 --> 00:11:55,751 That's an argument you can't win. 241 00:11:55,917 --> 00:11:57,350 I can't go to sleep at 9:00. 242 00:11:58,037 --> 00:12:01,188 Well, you can go to your room and read. 243 00:12:02,997 --> 00:12:05,511 Hey, look, you know, you're the one who's locked out. 244 00:12:05,677 --> 00:12:07,986 I'm letting you stay here. You're wearing my bathrobe. 245 00:12:08,157 --> 00:12:09,351 You should adapt to me. 246 00:12:09,517 --> 00:12:11,189 But I'm tired. 247 00:12:11,357 --> 00:12:13,109 Why don't you go sleep at Newman's? 248 00:12:13,277 --> 00:12:14,949 Oh, he's got a girl up there. 249 00:12:15,117 --> 00:12:18,587 This quilt is too thin. I know I'm gonna get cold. 250 00:12:18,757 --> 00:12:21,510 I don't even fit on this couch. 251 00:12:22,357 --> 00:12:23,949 I don't even know if I'm gonna sleep. 252 00:12:24,117 --> 00:12:25,311 Well, that's all I've got. 253 00:12:27,517 --> 00:12:29,553 Well, can I sleep with you? 254 00:12:33,517 --> 00:12:35,553 Well, you've got that big, comfortable bed... 255 00:12:35,717 --> 00:12:37,673 ...and that nice, warm quilt. 256 00:12:37,837 --> 00:12:40,954 Kramer, there's no way you're sleeping with me. 257 00:12:41,197 --> 00:12:42,516 - Why? - Why? 258 00:12:42,677 --> 00:12:45,828 - Yeah. - Do I really have to explain why? 259 00:12:45,997 --> 00:12:47,430 - Well, I- - Hey. 260 00:12:47,597 --> 00:12:49,986 - Hey. - What's that? 261 00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:54,225 Squire's walking stick. I had to write about it for the catalog. 262 00:12:55,877 --> 00:12:57,595 - You want it? - Yeah. 263 00:12:57,757 --> 00:12:59,554 You can have it. I don't need it anymore. 264 00:12:59,717 --> 00:13:02,277 Oh, mama. 265 00:13:06,117 --> 00:13:10,429 Okay, so I am positive you are wrong about Craig. 266 00:13:10,757 --> 00:13:11,746 Yeah, why? 267 00:13:11,917 --> 00:13:15,910 Because he told a man he'd give him a discount too. A man, Jerry. 268 00:13:16,077 --> 00:13:18,307 - So? Who is he? - Some friend of his from England. 269 00:13:18,477 --> 00:13:20,388 Don't you see? 270 00:13:20,557 --> 00:13:23,594 - It's all a big scam. - You're nuts. 271 00:13:23,757 --> 00:13:26,635 Well, how do you know he's not wondering the same thing about you? 272 00:13:27,357 --> 00:13:29,473 - What do you mean? - What do I mean? 273 00:13:29,637 --> 00:13:33,186 Well, perhaps he thinks that you're working him for the discount. 274 00:13:33,357 --> 00:13:37,714 Shaking that little butt of yours into big, big savings. 275 00:13:37,877 --> 00:13:40,710 Then when you get it, you know, you drop him like a hot potato. 276 00:13:40,877 --> 00:13:41,992 Oh, please. 277 00:13:42,157 --> 00:13:44,671 No, see, the two of you need to work on trust. 278 00:13:44,837 --> 00:13:46,190 And then, and only then... 279 00:13:46,357 --> 00:13:49,588 ...will there be a free exchange of sex and discounts. 280 00:13:51,117 --> 00:13:53,995 The cornerstones of a healthy relationship. 281 00:13:54,157 --> 00:13:58,116 And now, if you would excuse us... 282 00:13:58,717 --> 00:14:00,833 ...we need to get to bed. 283 00:14:21,677 --> 00:14:23,429 Yeah. 284 00:14:24,517 --> 00:14:27,270 This patio furniture's on sale. 285 00:14:30,277 --> 00:14:33,075 Excuse me. I think I made a big mistake. 286 00:14:33,237 --> 00:14:36,229 - I'd like my deposit back, please. - What's the problem? 287 00:14:36,397 --> 00:14:39,230 You got hookers turning tricks in my car. How's that for starters? 288 00:14:39,397 --> 00:14:40,716 That is all hearsay. 289 00:14:41,557 --> 00:14:44,025 All right, very good. I'd like my car and deposit back. 290 00:14:44,637 --> 00:14:46,946 - Can't do it. - What do you mean? 291 00:14:47,117 --> 00:14:49,756 If you read the agreement, the deposit is nonrefundable. 292 00:14:50,317 --> 00:14:51,909 Does it say anything in the contract... 293 00:14:52,077 --> 00:14:53,874 ...about my car being used as a whorehouse? 294 00:14:54,037 --> 00:14:55,914 I don't remember reading that clause either. 295 00:14:56,797 --> 00:14:59,436 What can I tell you, buddy? Take it up with Consumer Affairs. 296 00:15:01,517 --> 00:15:04,350 All right, just give me my car and let me get the hell out of here. 297 00:15:04,517 --> 00:15:06,587 That's going to be a problem. 298 00:15:08,397 --> 00:15:10,149 - Why? - It's all the way in the back. 299 00:15:10,317 --> 00:15:12,069 We can't get it out for a couple of days. 300 00:15:12,757 --> 00:15:15,669 What are you talking about? I want my car. 301 00:15:15,837 --> 00:15:17,987 We ask that you please bear with us. 302 00:15:18,397 --> 00:15:20,035 Bear with you? 303 00:15:20,197 --> 00:15:21,550 This is a parking lot. 304 00:15:21,717 --> 00:15:23,867 People are supposed to be able to get their cars. 305 00:15:24,357 --> 00:15:26,109 Ideally. 306 00:15:28,237 --> 00:15:29,989 Excuse me, I'd like to return this jacket. 307 00:15:30,157 --> 00:15:31,749 Certainly. May I ask why? 308 00:15:32,517 --> 00:15:34,189 For spite. 309 00:15:35,917 --> 00:15:37,555 Spite? 310 00:15:37,717 --> 00:15:40,834 That's right. I don't care for the salesman that sold it to me. 311 00:15:40,997 --> 00:15:43,830 I don't think you can return an item for spite. 312 00:15:44,357 --> 00:15:46,917 - What do you mean? - If there was some problem with it... 313 00:15:47,077 --> 00:15:50,035 ...if it were unsatisfactory in some way, then we could do it for you. 314 00:15:50,197 --> 00:15:53,826 But I'm afraid spite doesn't fit any of our conditions for a refund. 315 00:15:53,997 --> 00:15:56,557 I wanna return it. What's the difference what the reason is? 316 00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:59,425 Let me speak with the manager. Excuse me. 317 00:15:59,597 --> 00:16:00,996 Bob? 318 00:16:01,157 --> 00:16:04,433 This gentleman... Spite. 319 00:16:07,757 --> 00:16:10,317 - What seems to be the problem? - I wanna return this jacket. 320 00:16:10,477 --> 00:16:13,514 She asked me why, I said, "For spite," and now she won't take it back. 321 00:16:14,397 --> 00:16:19,187 That's true. We can't return an item based purely on spite. 322 00:16:19,717 --> 00:16:22,754 Well, so fine, then. Then I don't want it. That's why I'm returning it. 323 00:16:22,917 --> 00:16:25,954 Well, you already said spite, so... 324 00:16:26,637 --> 00:16:29,834 - But I changed my mind. - No, you said spite. 325 00:16:29,997 --> 00:16:31,715 Too late. 326 00:16:31,877 --> 00:16:36,075 - Nice hat. - Get a calendar, honey. It's the '90s. 327 00:16:36,637 --> 00:16:37,865 - Elaine. - Oh, hey. 328 00:16:38,037 --> 00:16:39,755 These are my friends, Jerry and Elaine. 329 00:16:39,917 --> 00:16:41,191 - Hi. - Hi, how are you doing? 330 00:16:41,357 --> 00:16:42,949 - I'm Charmaine. - I'm Ethan. 331 00:16:43,117 --> 00:16:46,154 Yeah, she's the costume designer, and he's the wig master for the show. 332 00:16:46,317 --> 00:16:48,592 - Oh, you're staying with George. - Right, George. 333 00:16:48,757 --> 00:16:50,554 I get the feeling he doesn't want me there. 334 00:16:50,717 --> 00:16:52,708 He doesn't even want himself there. 335 00:16:53,717 --> 00:16:55,753 - Why don't you sit down and join us? - All right. 336 00:16:55,917 --> 00:16:57,669 I can't. I've gotta go meet a friend. 337 00:16:57,837 --> 00:17:00,226 Well, what are we, dog meat? 338 00:17:00,397 --> 00:17:02,467 Another champagne coolie, please. 339 00:17:02,637 --> 00:17:05,754 - You have really beautiful hair. - Oh, thanks. Thanks very much. 340 00:17:05,917 --> 00:17:08,385 Ever thought of selling it? It would make a brilliant wig. 341 00:17:08,557 --> 00:17:11,435 - They make wigs out of human hair? - And pay plenty for them. 342 00:17:11,597 --> 00:17:13,508 Okay, well, you guys are gonna have fun here. 343 00:17:13,677 --> 00:17:15,588 - All right. - See you later. 344 00:17:15,757 --> 00:17:18,635 I just remembered, I gotta get the Dreamcoat from the dry cleaner. 345 00:17:18,797 --> 00:17:21,755 - You'll let me wear the other one? - Yeah, but you have to be careful. 346 00:17:21,917 --> 00:17:24,511 - It's my only backup. - Who do you think you're talking to? 347 00:17:24,677 --> 00:17:25,826 - Okay, bye-bye. - Bye. 348 00:17:25,997 --> 00:17:27,396 Bye. 349 00:17:28,917 --> 00:17:30,987 There's your champagne coolie. 350 00:17:31,797 --> 00:17:34,106 Well, looks like it's just you and me, cowboy. 351 00:17:34,277 --> 00:17:35,710 Yeah, I guess so. 352 00:17:36,477 --> 00:17:37,671 Well, here we are. 353 00:17:37,837 --> 00:17:40,351 I am beat. 354 00:17:41,357 --> 00:17:43,109 That's nice. 355 00:17:44,557 --> 00:17:46,070 So... 356 00:17:46,237 --> 00:17:50,150 So do you have any idea when the Nicole Millers are coming in? 357 00:17:50,917 --> 00:17:52,873 Oh, yeah, the Nicole Millers. 358 00:17:53,037 --> 00:17:54,550 Well, the funniest thing. 359 00:17:54,717 --> 00:17:57,026 I've learned that the new shipment's coming by boat... 360 00:17:57,197 --> 00:18:00,473 ...which does tend to take a bit longer, what with the waves and all. 361 00:18:01,477 --> 00:18:05,595 So you'll just have to be a little bit patient. 362 00:18:05,757 --> 00:18:08,555 So you have no idea when they'll arrive? 363 00:18:08,717 --> 00:18:10,867 No, I'm really not sure. 364 00:18:13,517 --> 00:18:15,906 How can you love a guy like that? He's a mess. 365 00:18:16,077 --> 00:18:17,510 I don't see them together at all. 366 00:18:18,317 --> 00:18:20,148 - Ethan? - Yes? 367 00:18:20,317 --> 00:18:22,467 Hi, it's me, Jesse. 368 00:18:22,637 --> 00:18:24,195 George Hamilton's personal assistant. 369 00:18:24,357 --> 00:18:27,713 - Right, right. How are you? - Good. Good to see you. 370 00:18:27,877 --> 00:18:29,276 - This is Jerry. - Hello. 371 00:18:29,437 --> 00:18:30,870 Yeah. 372 00:18:31,037 --> 00:18:32,390 Ethan, what brings you to town? 373 00:18:32,557 --> 00:18:34,787 Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. 374 00:18:34,957 --> 00:18:39,030 You're kidding. Listen, maybe you and I should get together. 375 00:18:39,197 --> 00:18:41,950 Have you been on the slide at Club USA? It's intense. 376 00:18:42,117 --> 00:18:45,029 Excuse me. Excuse me. Are you asking him out? 377 00:18:45,517 --> 00:18:46,950 Yeah, I guess you could say that. 378 00:18:47,117 --> 00:18:48,709 Right in front of me? 379 00:18:48,877 --> 00:18:50,469 How do you know we're not together? 380 00:18:50,637 --> 00:18:53,515 Two guys sitting, laughing, drinking champagne coolies. 381 00:18:54,157 --> 00:18:56,068 I don't know. I just didn't think you were. 382 00:18:56,237 --> 00:18:58,193 Well, we're sitting here together. 383 00:18:58,357 --> 00:18:59,551 Why wouldn't you think that? 384 00:19:00,477 --> 00:19:01,956 I don't know. I just didn't. 385 00:19:02,117 --> 00:19:04,187 Well, it's very emasculating. 386 00:19:10,317 --> 00:19:12,911 - Hello? - This is Bob from The Andover Shop. 387 00:19:13,077 --> 00:19:15,750 I'm trying to reach Craig Stewart. He left this number. 388 00:19:17,117 --> 00:19:19,187 Oh, is it important? 389 00:19:19,357 --> 00:19:21,951 - Well... - Hey, let me ask you something. 390 00:19:22,117 --> 00:19:24,995 Do you know when the Nicole Millers are coming in from Milan? 391 00:19:25,157 --> 00:19:26,146 Nicole Milers? 392 00:19:26,317 --> 00:19:30,469 We aren't expecting any Nicole Millers. In fact, we have too many as it is. 393 00:19:32,117 --> 00:19:35,268 Well, do you have any in a size four? 394 00:19:35,757 --> 00:19:37,156 Yes, several. 395 00:19:37,317 --> 00:19:40,150 Just tell him he doesn't have to be in tomorrow until 11. 396 00:19:40,317 --> 00:19:43,434 Oh, yeah, I'll make sure he gets the message. 397 00:19:47,997 --> 00:19:49,715 They mak e wigs out of human hair? 398 00:19:49,877 --> 00:19:51,993 And pay plenty for them. 399 00:20:40,557 --> 00:20:42,070 Oh, sweet Maria. 400 00:20:43,997 --> 00:20:46,465 Hey, let's go. 401 00:20:49,997 --> 00:20:51,510 What are you doing in my car? 402 00:20:51,677 --> 00:20:53,395 Hey, hey, where are you going? 403 00:20:53,557 --> 00:20:55,912 - Hey, you just cost me some money. - Hey, cool it, lady. 404 00:20:58,637 --> 00:21:01,151 Cool it. Cool it, lady. Cool it. 405 00:21:01,317 --> 00:21:03,956 Police officers, freeze right there. 406 00:21:12,477 --> 00:21:15,230 Okay, big daddy, take the hat off. 407 00:21:16,037 --> 00:21:18,153 All right, turn to your right. 408 00:21:18,317 --> 00:21:20,706 I said turn, pimp! 409 00:21:21,717 --> 00:21:23,753 I'm not a pimp.