1 00:00:04,276 --> 00:00:07,586 l started out working in mortgage bonds, but l found that so limiting. 2 00:00:07,756 --> 00:00:10,509 My friend Kramer and l were discussing that the other day. 3 00:00:10,676 --> 00:00:12,428 He was with Brandt-Leland for a while. 4 00:00:14,516 --> 00:00:17,588 Well, then my mentor suggested that l move into equities. 5 00:00:17,756 --> 00:00:19,314 Best move l ever made. 6 00:00:19,476 --> 00:00:21,307 -Mentor? You mean your boss? -No, no, no. 7 00:00:21,476 --> 00:00:23,228 Cynthia's a successful businesswoman... 8 00:00:23,396 --> 00:00:25,432 ...who's taken me under her wing. 9 00:00:25,596 --> 00:00:28,554 -So Cynthia's your mentor? -And l'm her protégé. 10 00:00:29,036 --> 00:00:30,515 You must have someone like that. 11 00:00:30,676 --> 00:00:32,746 You know, who guides you in your career path. 12 00:00:32,916 --> 00:00:35,510 Well, l like Gabe Kaplan. 13 00:00:40,636 --> 00:00:43,309 l still don't understand this. Abby has a mentor? 14 00:00:43,476 --> 00:00:46,309 Yes. And the mentor advises the protégé. 15 00:00:46,476 --> 00:00:48,387 ls there any money involved? 16 00:00:48,556 --> 00:00:50,945 -No. -So, what's in it for the mentor? 17 00:00:51,116 --> 00:00:53,346 Respect, admiration, prestige. 18 00:00:56,796 --> 00:00:59,390 Would the protégé pick up stuff for the mentor? 19 00:00:59,556 --> 00:01:03,629 l suppose if it was on the protégé's way to the mentor, they might. 20 00:01:04,036 --> 00:01:05,469 Laundry? Dry cleaning? 21 00:01:06,116 --> 00:01:08,152 lt's not a valet, it's a protégé. 22 00:01:08,796 --> 00:01:09,945 All right. 23 00:01:10,396 --> 00:01:14,628 Listen, l gotta get some reading done. You mind if l do this here? 24 00:01:14,796 --> 00:01:17,435 l can't concentrate in my apartment. 25 00:01:17,996 --> 00:01:19,668 -'' Risk management''? -Yeah. 26 00:01:19,876 --> 00:01:21,992 Steinbrenner wants everyone in the front office... 27 00:01:22,156 --> 00:01:24,670 ...to give a lecture in their area of business expertise. 28 00:01:24,836 --> 00:01:26,906 What makes them think you're a risk-management expert? 29 00:01:27,316 --> 00:01:29,625 l guess it's on my résumé. 30 00:01:33,316 --> 00:01:36,513 -Hello? -Please hold for Elaine Benes. 31 00:01:37,516 --> 00:01:42,226 You know what? l can't do this. l can't read books anymore. 32 00:01:42,396 --> 00:01:44,148 Books on tape have ruined me, Jerry. 33 00:01:44,316 --> 00:01:48,229 l need that nice voice. This book has my voice. l hate my voice. 34 00:01:48,396 --> 00:01:51,911 -So get this book on tape. -You can't. lt's a textbook. 35 00:01:52,076 --> 00:01:54,795 Hey, Jer, are you going to this Bob Sacamano party? 36 00:01:54,956 --> 00:01:56,753 Am l going? lt was three nights ago. 37 00:01:56,916 --> 00:02:00,147 What? You're kidding. l just got this invitation today. 38 00:02:00,316 --> 00:02:04,229 Oh, l was so excited. lt's really a beautiful invitation. 39 00:02:04,396 --> 00:02:06,546 Oh, it was a lovely affair. 40 00:02:07,236 --> 00:02:08,635 Oh, wait a minute. 41 00:02:08,796 --> 00:02:14,348 This postmark is three weeks old. Man, this happens all the time. 42 00:02:14,516 --> 00:02:16,905 Janine, who the hell runs the mailroom? 43 00:02:17,076 --> 00:02:19,271 -Eddie Sherman. -All right. Send him up here. 44 00:02:19,436 --> 00:02:22,348 -You gonna do a little yelling? -l'm gonna do a little firing. 45 00:02:22,516 --> 00:02:25,826 That is so cool. Can you put me on the speaker? 46 00:02:25,996 --> 00:02:28,510 Oh, yeah. Sure. 47 00:02:28,956 --> 00:02:30,230 Give me a break. 48 00:02:38,516 --> 00:02:40,074 Hey, Copernicus. 49 00:02:43,156 --> 00:02:46,626 -Eddie Sherman is here. -Oh, great. Send him in. 50 00:02:52,636 --> 00:02:56,549 -You wanted to see me? -Eddie, yes. 51 00:02:56,716 --> 00:03:00,311 l am so sorry, but l'm afraid we're gonna have to... 52 00:03:02,236 --> 00:03:04,192 ...promote you. 53 00:03:06,116 --> 00:03:07,390 So, what did you say? 54 00:03:07,556 --> 00:03:09,911 Well, l called him all the way up to my office... 55 00:03:10,076 --> 00:03:12,067 ...so l had to tell him something important. 56 00:03:12,996 --> 00:03:15,749 So l promoted him. 57 00:03:17,116 --> 00:03:19,630 -What? What did you--? -Copywriter. 58 00:03:20,556 --> 00:03:22,228 He's writing copy? 59 00:03:22,636 --> 00:03:27,266 Well, it can't be any worse than the pointless drivel we normally churn out. 60 00:03:30,156 --> 00:03:31,828 Check it out. 61 00:03:31,996 --> 00:03:35,671 -''Jewish singles night''? -l expect you both to be there. 62 00:03:35,876 --> 00:03:38,231 -l'm not Jewish. -Well, neither am l. 63 00:03:38,396 --> 00:03:42,275 -Well, why are you going? -l'm not. l'm running it. 64 00:03:42,876 --> 00:03:45,310 -What are you talking about? -Lomez usually runs it... 65 00:03:45,476 --> 00:03:46,875 ...but he's in the Everglades. 66 00:03:48,116 --> 00:03:50,391 -Lomez is Jewish? -Oh, yeah, yeah. 67 00:03:50,556 --> 00:03:53,628 Orthodox, Jerry. Old school. 68 00:03:55,196 --> 00:03:58,154 At the Knights of Columbus? 69 00:03:58,636 --> 00:04:01,150 Yeah. Frank Costanza's getting me a room in his lodge. 70 00:04:01,316 --> 00:04:03,955 Jerry, l'm really counting on you to come to this. 71 00:04:04,116 --> 00:04:05,390 -Kramer-- -Jerry, look. 72 00:04:05,556 --> 00:04:07,387 l'm cooking all the food myself. 73 00:04:07,556 --> 00:04:12,107 ''A tempting schmeer of authentic Jewish delicacies.'' 74 00:04:13,596 --> 00:04:15,473 Do you like tsimmes? 75 00:04:17,756 --> 00:04:20,224 My mentor says the duck is outstanding here. 76 00:04:20,636 --> 00:04:23,469 l'm not really a duck fan. The skin seems sort of human. 77 00:04:24,916 --> 00:04:27,305 Oh, look who's here. Cynthia. 78 00:04:27,476 --> 00:04:29,068 -Hello, Abby. -Hello. 79 00:04:29,236 --> 00:04:31,147 Jerry, this is Cynthia Pearlman, my mentor. 80 00:04:31,316 --> 00:04:34,035 -Hello. -Hi, Jerry. Nice to finally meet you. 81 00:04:34,196 --> 00:04:35,788 Join us. We can pull up a chair. 82 00:04:35,956 --> 00:04:38,390 Well, great. My boyfriend's just parking the car. 83 00:04:38,756 --> 00:04:42,146 Actually, Jerry, you might know him. He's a comic too. 84 00:04:42,316 --> 00:04:44,830 -No kidding. -Kenny Bania. 85 00:04:44,996 --> 00:04:46,224 Bania? 86 00:04:47,236 --> 00:04:50,069 Hey, Jerry. How's it going? 87 00:04:50,236 --> 00:04:52,796 You gonna join us for dinner? The duck here is the best. 88 00:04:52,956 --> 00:04:54,105 The best, Jerry. 89 00:04:58,436 --> 00:05:01,109 Excuse me. l'm sorry to bother you. 90 00:05:01,276 --> 00:05:03,665 l noticed that you have a textbook on tape. 91 00:05:03,836 --> 00:05:05,155 May l ask where you got that? 92 00:05:05,316 --> 00:05:08,069 Reading for the Blind. They can get any book on tape. 93 00:05:08,236 --> 00:05:10,796 l tell you, l am hooked on these books on tape. 94 00:05:10,956 --> 00:05:14,505 Tell me about it. These things have ruined me for Braille. 95 00:05:17,436 --> 00:05:18,630 Reading for the Blind? 96 00:05:18,956 --> 00:05:21,550 l take an eye test, l flunk it. Next thing you know... 97 00:05:21,716 --> 00:05:25,425 ...l am swinging to the sweet sounds of risk management. 98 00:05:26,676 --> 00:05:30,271 -So l finally met the mentor. -What's she like? lmpressive? 99 00:05:30,436 --> 00:05:33,633 Oh, yeah. She's dating Bania. 100 00:05:34,916 --> 00:05:36,395 -Bania? -Yeah. 101 00:05:36,556 --> 00:05:40,344 l had to spend two hours at dinner last night with that specimen. 102 00:05:40,956 --> 00:05:42,309 -What'd you have? -Chicken. 103 00:05:42,476 --> 00:05:44,034 How could she look up to a person... 104 00:05:44,196 --> 00:05:46,426 ...who voluntarily spends time with Bania? 105 00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:47,790 -Marsala? -Piccata. 106 00:05:47,956 --> 00:05:50,675 lf anything, l should be dating a mentor... 107 00:05:50,836 --> 00:05:54,033 ...and Bania should be setting pins at a bowling alley. 108 00:05:54,716 --> 00:05:57,833 -All right. l got a test to fail. -Hey, good luck with that. 109 00:05:57,996 --> 00:06:00,146 Thanks. Dad. 110 00:06:00,316 --> 00:06:02,307 What are you, in an athletic sweat suit? 111 00:06:02,476 --> 00:06:03,670 What are you doing here? 112 00:06:03,836 --> 00:06:05,827 Came to get his check for the banquet hall. 113 00:06:05,996 --> 00:06:11,707 You know, l got 1 83 responses. Oh, it's gonna be a rager. 114 00:06:12,236 --> 00:06:15,592 Kramer, how are you gonna cook Jewish delicacies for 1 83 people? 115 00:06:15,916 --> 00:06:19,147 You're right. That's a lot of pupiks. 116 00:06:19,756 --> 00:06:21,872 Frank, you know anybody who can help me cook? 117 00:06:22,036 --> 00:06:23,674 Cook? No. l don't know any cooks. 118 00:06:23,836 --> 00:06:26,111 l don't know anything about cooking! 119 00:06:27,636 --> 00:06:28,910 What's the matter with him? 120 00:06:29,276 --> 00:06:32,825 My dad was a cook during the Korean War. 121 00:06:32,996 --> 00:06:35,351 Something very bad happened. 122 00:06:35,516 --> 00:06:37,666 Ever since, you can't get him near a kitchen. 123 00:06:37,836 --> 00:06:39,906 -Shell-shocked? -Oh, yeah. 124 00:06:40,076 --> 00:06:42,351 But that has nothing to do with it. 125 00:06:44,116 --> 00:06:46,391 Good work, guys. That ought to do it for today. 126 00:06:46,556 --> 00:06:47,750 -Alrighty? -Wait. 127 00:06:47,916 --> 00:06:50,555 You didn't ask me about my ideas. 128 00:06:50,876 --> 00:06:53,106 Oh, Eddie, well, it's your first day. 129 00:06:53,276 --> 00:06:56,154 -l'm ready. -Okay. 130 00:06:58,396 --> 00:07:02,389 '' lt's a hot night. The mind races. 131 00:07:03,876 --> 00:07:05,389 You think about your knife... 132 00:07:07,476 --> 00:07:10,866 ...the only friend who hasn't betrayed you. 133 00:07:12,036 --> 00:07:15,585 The only friend who won't be dead by sun-up. 134 00:07:18,076 --> 00:07:23,673 Sleep tight, mates, in your quilted chambray nightshirts.'' 135 00:07:29,556 --> 00:07:32,116 What am l gonna do? He is a disaster. 136 00:07:32,276 --> 00:07:36,906 Well, if he's doing that bad, maybe he's in line for another promotion. 137 00:07:37,676 --> 00:07:40,474 You know what? You are exactly right. 138 00:07:40,636 --> 00:07:42,945 That is what l should do. l should promote him. 139 00:07:43,356 --> 00:07:46,871 l'll give him another office on another floor, and he can sit there... 140 00:07:47,036 --> 00:07:50,346 ...with his nice title and his bayonet... 141 00:07:50,516 --> 00:07:52,905 ...and stop freaking me out. 142 00:07:56,156 --> 00:07:57,987 Nothing at all. 143 00:07:59,836 --> 00:08:02,396 Well, George, your vision is quite impaired. 144 00:08:03,916 --> 00:08:06,953 lf you'll just sign this insurance form. Here's a pen. 145 00:08:16,276 --> 00:08:18,232 You're a very handsome man, by the way. 146 00:08:24,436 --> 00:08:27,189 What the hell is going on here? 147 00:08:29,956 --> 00:08:31,674 Look out! 148 00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:39,431 -What are you doing? -l got three kitchens going. 149 00:08:39,836 --> 00:08:44,193 l got brisket going at Newman's, l got kugel working at Mrs. Zanfino's... 150 00:08:44,356 --> 00:08:45,675 ...and this is kreplach. 151 00:08:45,836 --> 00:08:48,714 Here, try some of this. 152 00:08:48,876 --> 00:08:52,949 -No, l don't want to. -Eat, eat, you're skin and bones. 153 00:08:56,556 --> 00:08:59,514 -Oh, this is awful. -Oh, Jerry, it's kreplach. 154 00:08:59,676 --> 00:09:02,065 lt's an acquired taste. Yeah. 155 00:09:09,836 --> 00:09:11,189 Did you follow the recipe? 156 00:09:11,356 --> 00:09:12,994 The recipe was for four to six. 157 00:09:13,156 --> 00:09:16,068 l had to multiply it for 1 83 people. 158 00:09:16,236 --> 00:09:18,386 l guess l got confused. 159 00:09:19,596 --> 00:09:20,870 lt tastes like dirt. 160 00:09:21,036 --> 00:09:23,755 Well, l also dropped it on the way over. 161 00:09:23,916 --> 00:09:25,907 Jerry, l'm in trouble. l got no skills. 162 00:09:26,076 --> 00:09:30,513 l can't peel, l can't chop, l can't grate, l can't mince. 163 00:09:30,676 --> 00:09:32,871 l got no sense of flavour, obviously. 164 00:09:34,596 --> 00:09:35,711 l gotta talk to Frank. 165 00:09:35,876 --> 00:09:37,628 -You can't-- -l gotta talk to him. 166 00:09:37,796 --> 00:09:39,070 l know that he can help me-- 167 00:09:39,236 --> 00:09:41,796 l think there's a dead animal in the elevator. 168 00:09:41,956 --> 00:09:44,231 My stuffed cabbage. 169 00:09:47,636 --> 00:09:50,389 -So great dinner last night. -Yeah, it was all right. 170 00:09:50,556 --> 00:09:52,945 l told Cynthia we'd double with her and Bania Saturday... 171 00:09:53,116 --> 00:09:55,311 -...and then catch his act. -No. No. 172 00:09:55,476 --> 00:09:58,468 -No way. No Bania. -What? 173 00:09:58,636 --> 00:10:01,946 Have you seen his act? He's got a 1 2-minute bit about Ovaltine. 174 00:10:02,116 --> 00:10:04,072 He's a pug, a patsy, a hack. 175 00:10:04,636 --> 00:10:06,308 Cynthia would not date a hack. 176 00:10:06,476 --> 00:10:08,467 Would. Does. ls. 177 00:10:11,276 --> 00:10:12,675 Before we get started... 178 00:10:12,836 --> 00:10:14,986 ...l am happy to tell you that Eddie Sherman... 179 00:10:15,156 --> 00:10:17,192 ...is no longer writing for this catalogue. 180 00:10:17,356 --> 00:10:19,392 -lt's about time. -He's upstairs. 181 00:10:19,556 --> 00:10:21,865 l made him director of corporate development. 182 00:10:22,436 --> 00:10:24,028 You promoted him? 183 00:10:24,196 --> 00:10:25,515 Well, no. l would hardly-- 184 00:10:25,676 --> 00:10:29,908 -l bust my hump every day. -Relax. 185 00:10:30,076 --> 00:10:33,910 As far as l'm concerned, you and your deranged protégé... 186 00:10:34,076 --> 00:10:36,795 ...can run the catalogue by yourselves. 187 00:10:36,956 --> 00:10:38,435 l quit! 188 00:10:38,596 --> 00:10:39,790 -l'm with him. -Me too. 189 00:10:39,956 --> 00:10:42,072 What? Hey. 190 00:10:42,476 --> 00:10:45,912 Hey. Hey! 191 00:10:47,676 --> 00:10:49,268 Chapter one. 192 00:10:49,436 --> 00:10:53,429 In order to manage risk, we must first understand risk. 193 00:10:53,796 --> 00:10:55,514 How do you spot risk? 194 00:10:55,676 --> 00:10:59,510 How do you av oid risk, and what mak es it so risky? 195 00:10:59,676 --> 00:11:02,588 -This guy sounds like me. -To understand risk, we must first... 196 00:11:02,756 --> 00:11:04,747 -... define risk. Risk... -This is horrible. 197 00:11:04,916 --> 00:11:07,430 -... existed virtually-- -Stop it. Stop it. Shut up! 198 00:11:08,316 --> 00:11:10,432 Come on, Frank, l need you. 199 00:11:10,596 --> 00:11:12,552 l mean, the war was 50 years ago. 200 00:11:12,716 --> 00:11:16,948 ln my mind, there's a war still going on. 201 00:11:17,116 --> 00:11:18,549 All right, what happened? 202 00:11:18,716 --> 00:11:20,627 What is it that you can't get over? 203 00:11:33,316 --> 00:11:36,467 lnchon, Korea, 1 950. 204 00:11:36,636 --> 00:11:40,151 l was the best cook Uncle Sam ever saw. 205 00:11:40,476 --> 00:11:43,991 Slinging hash for the fighting 1 03rd. 206 00:11:44,156 --> 00:11:47,751 As we marched north, our supply lines were getting thin. 207 00:11:47,916 --> 00:11:50,384 Well, one day, a couple of Gl's found a crate. 208 00:11:50,556 --> 00:11:53,673 lnside was 600 pounds of prime Texas steer. 209 00:11:53,836 --> 00:11:56,145 At least, it once was prime. 210 00:11:56,316 --> 00:11:58,193 The use date was three weeks past. 211 00:11:59,036 --> 00:12:02,312 But l was arrogant. l was brash. 212 00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:06,032 l thought if l used just the right spices... 213 00:12:08,276 --> 00:12:10,392 ...cooked it long enough.... 214 00:12:13,036 --> 00:12:14,230 What happened? 215 00:12:14,396 --> 00:12:17,433 l went too far. l overseasoned it. 216 00:12:20,956 --> 00:12:23,106 Men were keeling over all around me. 217 00:12:24,556 --> 00:12:27,548 l can still hear the retching and screaming. 218 00:12:34,876 --> 00:12:36,867 Frank! 219 00:12:37,516 --> 00:12:42,226 l sent 1 6 of my own men to the latrines that night. 220 00:12:43,876 --> 00:12:45,355 They were just boys. 221 00:12:45,516 --> 00:12:47,711 Frank, you were a boy too. 222 00:12:47,876 --> 00:12:51,186 And it was war. That was a crazy time for everyone. 223 00:12:51,396 --> 00:12:53,193 Tell that to Bobby Colby. 224 00:12:53,796 --> 00:12:58,916 All that kid wanted to do was go home. Well, he went home, all right. 225 00:12:59,236 --> 00:13:01,750 With a crater in his colon the size of a cutlet. 226 00:13:02,836 --> 00:13:05,555 They had to sit him on a cork for the 1 8-hour flight home. 227 00:13:05,716 --> 00:13:10,107 Frank, now listen to me. Two hundred Jewish singles need you. 228 00:13:10,276 --> 00:13:12,551 This is your chance to make it all right again. 229 00:13:12,956 --> 00:13:17,029 No. No. l'll never cook again. 230 00:13:17,196 --> 00:13:19,994 Never! Now get out of my house! 231 00:13:20,676 --> 00:13:23,793 Out. Get out. Go. 232 00:13:28,516 --> 00:13:31,189 So you saw Bania's act. 233 00:13:31,756 --> 00:13:34,145 He got two minutes into that Ovaltine thing... 234 00:13:34,316 --> 00:13:36,784 ...and l just couldn't take it anymore. 235 00:13:37,316 --> 00:13:41,070 l told you. lt's like getting beaten with a bag of oranges. 236 00:13:41,476 --> 00:13:43,512 Why is he so obsessed with Ovaltine? 237 00:13:43,676 --> 00:13:47,510 He just thinks that anything that dissolves in milk is funny. 238 00:13:47,676 --> 00:13:51,988 Anyway, Cynthia and l got into this big argument afterwards... 239 00:13:52,316 --> 00:13:54,830 -...and l think it's over. -No more mentor? 240 00:13:54,996 --> 00:13:58,466 -Looks that way. -At least you and l are okay again. 241 00:13:58,636 --> 00:14:00,354 Actually, l was kind of thinking... 242 00:14:00,516 --> 00:14:03,110 ...that maybe we shouldn't see each other for a while. 243 00:14:03,276 --> 00:14:04,311 Why? 244 00:14:04,476 --> 00:14:07,434 Well, l'm feeling a little disoriented. 245 00:14:07,596 --> 00:14:10,064 lt's just weird for me not to have an advisor. 246 00:14:10,236 --> 00:14:12,875 l can tell you what to do. 247 00:14:14,076 --> 00:14:16,271 -lt's more than that. -l can tell you what to think. 248 00:14:17,276 --> 00:14:18,709 l need someone l can trust. 249 00:14:23,036 --> 00:14:26,312 l got a big problem here, Jerry. The tapes are worthless. 250 00:14:26,476 --> 00:14:29,070 Kind of in the middle of something here, George. 251 00:14:36,716 --> 00:14:39,025 -George. -l gotta run anyway. 252 00:14:39,196 --> 00:14:42,108 l can't believe you feel you really need a mentor. 253 00:14:42,276 --> 00:14:46,064 l just need someone who can give me some kind of direction. 254 00:14:47,556 --> 00:14:49,353 l'll see you. 255 00:14:49,516 --> 00:14:51,108 Yeah, see you. 256 00:14:51,276 --> 00:14:54,791 -So, what's your problem? -No problem. 257 00:14:57,116 --> 00:15:01,428 l think l got something here for the Bengalese galoshes. 258 00:15:03,516 --> 00:15:07,270 '' lt's tough keeping your feet dry... 259 00:15:07,436 --> 00:15:10,553 ...when you're kicking in a skull.'' 260 00:15:11,996 --> 00:15:16,035 You know, Eddie, that might be just a tad harsh. 261 00:15:16,196 --> 00:15:18,073 For women's wear. 262 00:15:20,116 --> 00:15:22,949 Well, l'm not married to it. 263 00:15:23,596 --> 00:15:28,545 Well, in that case, why don't we take the phrase: 264 00:15:29,276 --> 00:15:30,709 '' Kicking in a skull'' ... 265 00:15:30,876 --> 00:15:33,310 ...and we tweak it. 266 00:15:33,476 --> 00:15:37,435 You know, just a hair, to something like what? 267 00:15:37,596 --> 00:15:41,748 Like ''strolling through a dewy meadow.'' 268 00:15:42,596 --> 00:15:44,951 Dewy meadow. 269 00:15:45,916 --> 00:15:47,269 Here's your omelette. 270 00:15:49,796 --> 00:15:52,629 -lt's dry. -That's the way l always make it. 271 00:15:53,516 --> 00:15:55,507 Well, it sucks. 272 00:15:57,436 --> 00:15:59,347 What did you say? 273 00:15:59,556 --> 00:16:03,231 Your meatloaf is mushy, your salmon croquettes are oily... 274 00:16:03,396 --> 00:16:06,627 ...and your eggplant parmigiana is a disgrace to this house! 275 00:16:06,796 --> 00:16:11,506 Well, that's too bad, because l'm the only one who cooks around here. 276 00:16:11,676 --> 00:16:14,986 Not anymore. Give me that spatula. 277 00:16:18,956 --> 00:16:21,516 l'm back, baby! 278 00:16:23,596 --> 00:16:26,588 You're sure, with your schedule, you'd have time for a protégé? 279 00:16:26,956 --> 00:16:30,471 l'll make time. Because, Abby, l was once like you. 280 00:16:30,636 --> 00:16:32,115 Wide-eyed, naive. 281 00:16:32,276 --> 00:16:35,348 l didn't know the first thing about a subject as fundamental... 282 00:16:35,516 --> 00:16:39,065 ...as risk management. 283 00:16:39,236 --> 00:16:41,431 l'm not familiar with it. You'll have to explain. 284 00:16:41,596 --> 00:16:43,268 l'll tell you what. 285 00:16:43,436 --> 00:16:45,347 Why don't you read this book... 286 00:16:45,516 --> 00:16:48,952 ...and let's just see if you can explain it to me. 287 00:16:49,516 --> 00:16:51,825 -All right. -Okay. 288 00:16:52,796 --> 00:16:53,990 Hey, Jerry. 289 00:16:54,396 --> 00:16:56,785 -Hey, Bania. -Did you hear what happened? 290 00:16:56,956 --> 00:16:59,675 The mentor saw my act. She dumped me. 291 00:16:59,836 --> 00:17:01,269 Oh, that's a tough one. 292 00:17:01,436 --> 00:17:05,111 Maybe she's right. Maybe l am a complete hack. 293 00:17:05,316 --> 00:17:07,671 l'm the absolute worst. The worst, Jerry. 294 00:17:07,836 --> 00:17:10,589 Well, it's just that you got so many things with the milk. 295 00:17:10,756 --> 00:17:13,316 You got that Bosco bit, you got your Nestlé's Quik bit. 296 00:17:13,476 --> 00:17:15,034 By the time you get to Ovaltine-- 297 00:17:15,196 --> 00:17:17,790 You think you can give me a hand with my material? 298 00:17:24,556 --> 00:17:27,389 -You still need a cook? -Oh, yeah. Come on in, Frank. 299 00:17:27,556 --> 00:17:29,194 -You got T-Fal? -Calphalon. 300 00:17:29,356 --> 00:17:32,314 -No. Follow me. -Oh, yeah. 301 00:17:33,516 --> 00:17:34,949 Try that. 302 00:17:37,316 --> 00:17:39,511 ''Why do they call it Ovaltine? 303 00:17:39,676 --> 00:17:42,748 The mug is round, the jar is round. 304 00:17:42,916 --> 00:17:45,225 They should call it Roundtine.'' 305 00:17:46,836 --> 00:17:49,794 That's gold, Jerry. Gold. 306 00:17:50,556 --> 00:17:56,791 Let's just replace '' hail of shrapnel'' and ''scar tissue'' ... 307 00:17:57,276 --> 00:18:01,588 ...with ''string of pearls'' and '' raspberry scones.'' 308 00:18:05,036 --> 00:18:06,754 George Costanza is your mentor? 309 00:18:06,916 --> 00:18:08,952 Yeah. He's great. 310 00:18:09,116 --> 00:18:10,629 l am learning so much. 311 00:18:10,796 --> 00:18:13,913 About what? How to calculate 5 percent of a restaurant check? 312 00:18:14,996 --> 00:18:16,475 You know what your problem is? 313 00:18:16,636 --> 00:18:20,026 You just have no respect for the protégé-mentor relationship. 314 00:18:20,196 --> 00:18:23,666 As a matter of fact, l happen to have a protégé of my own. 315 00:18:25,436 --> 00:18:28,109 -Who? -A Mr. Kenneth Bania. 316 00:18:28,276 --> 00:18:29,914 Bania? 317 00:18:30,836 --> 00:18:33,396 l'm gonna mentor this kid to the top. 318 00:18:33,556 --> 00:18:37,629 Well, l don't think l wanna date a mentor whose protégé is a hack. 319 00:18:37,796 --> 00:18:40,947 l don't think l wanna date a protégé whose mentor is a Costanza. 320 00:18:42,876 --> 00:18:43,911 l don't know how... 321 00:18:44,076 --> 00:18:46,112 ...but there's some chemistry between us. 322 00:18:46,276 --> 00:18:48,471 We turned out one hell of a catalogue. 323 00:18:48,996 --> 00:18:50,190 Cool. 324 00:18:51,316 --> 00:18:53,511 Hey, Ed, let me ask you something. 325 00:18:53,676 --> 00:18:58,033 What's with the fatigues and all the psychotic imagery, huh? 326 00:18:58,756 --> 00:19:00,030 l don't wanna talk about it. 327 00:19:00,196 --> 00:19:03,666 Come on. Don't be a baby. 328 00:19:04,436 --> 00:19:08,509 l went out on a couple of dates with this woman. 329 00:19:08,676 --> 00:19:10,826 l thought she really liked me. 330 00:19:11,396 --> 00:19:15,230 And then things kind of cooled off. 331 00:19:17,116 --> 00:19:18,310 That's it? 332 00:19:18,796 --> 00:19:21,435 Well, it's tough meeting somebody you like... 333 00:19:21,596 --> 00:19:23,188 ...let alone somebody Jewish. 334 00:19:30,716 --> 00:19:32,229 This food is fantastic. 335 00:19:32,396 --> 00:19:35,991 -Have you tried the hamantaschen? -l can't get off the kishkes. 336 00:19:36,156 --> 00:19:37,953 -Hey, Jerry. -Bania. 337 00:19:38,116 --> 00:19:39,674 l just stopped by to thank you. 338 00:19:39,836 --> 00:19:42,714 That risk-management stuff you wrote for me is killer. 339 00:19:43,116 --> 00:19:44,515 Risk management? 340 00:19:44,676 --> 00:19:46,906 lt's gold, Jerry. Gold. 341 00:19:47,076 --> 00:19:50,148 l got all these corporate gigs, and even Cynthia took me back. 342 00:19:50,316 --> 00:19:51,715 You went from the mailroom... 343 00:19:51,876 --> 00:19:54,549 ...to director of corporate development in two days? 344 00:19:55,396 --> 00:19:57,671 -That's right. -How much are they paying you? 345 00:19:57,836 --> 00:19:59,064 l'll double it. 346 00:20:01,156 --> 00:20:04,831 -These latkes are going like hotcakes. -Where's the powdered sugar? 347 00:20:05,436 --> 00:20:06,994 You know, you could take a break. 348 00:20:07,156 --> 00:20:11,195 No breaks. l feel reborn. l'm like a phoenix rising from Arizona. 349 00:20:12,476 --> 00:20:13,625 Quitting? 350 00:20:13,796 --> 00:20:17,266 l can't churn out that pointless drivel anymore. 351 00:20:17,436 --> 00:20:20,587 What--? You can't quit. You're all l've got. 352 00:20:20,756 --> 00:20:22,747 l need you. 353 00:20:24,156 --> 00:20:25,874 Gross. 354 00:20:39,196 --> 00:20:40,675 No! 355 00:20:41,156 --> 00:20:43,954 No! Don't eat it. lt's no good. 356 00:20:44,116 --> 00:20:47,347 -No good. No good. No way. -Frank, stop it. 357 00:20:47,516 --> 00:20:50,826 -Stop-- -No. No. No. 358 00:20:50,996 --> 00:20:52,668 Frank! 359 00:20:58,916 --> 00:21:02,955 Our next speaker is George Costanza on the subject of risk management. 360 00:21:10,636 --> 00:21:12,467 ''Ovaltine. 361 00:21:23,116 --> 00:21:25,505 Have you ever had this stuff? 362 00:21:28,036 --> 00:21:30,675 Why do they call it Ovaltine? 363 00:21:35,556 --> 00:21:37,433 They should call it Roundtine. 364 00:21:39,236 --> 00:21:41,545 You know what l'm talking about.'' 365 00:21:42,956 --> 00:21:45,311 He's my protégé.