1 00:00:04,305 --> 00:00:07,297 Yeah, yeah. All right. 2 00:00:10,145 --> 00:00:12,215 - Chinese food. - There's my Chinese food. 3 00:00:12,385 --> 00:00:13,898 I gotta run. 4 00:00:14,065 --> 00:00:15,100 All you. 5 00:00:15,265 --> 00:00:17,335 - Who was it? - I did a show for a car dealership. 6 00:00:17,505 --> 00:00:19,894 - They're getting me a new Saab. - What about your old car? 7 00:00:20,065 --> 00:00:22,784 - Couldn't get Kramer's blood out of it? - No. The engine clotted. 8 00:00:22,945 --> 00:00:25,300 You know who set this whole thing up? Frank Merman. 9 00:00:25,465 --> 00:00:26,864 Fragile Frankie Merman? 10 00:00:27,745 --> 00:00:29,815 - Never liked that guy. - Why? He's harmless. 11 00:00:29,985 --> 00:00:32,135 Every summer, you guys went to camp together. 12 00:00:32,305 --> 00:00:34,694 I was jealous. It felt like he was the summer me. 13 00:00:34,865 --> 00:00:36,457 - He was not the summer you. - Yeah. 14 00:00:36,625 --> 00:00:38,456 Besides, you had a summer me. 15 00:00:38,625 --> 00:00:41,776 Whitey Fisk, the guy who snuck you into Last Tango in Paris. 16 00:00:43,025 --> 00:00:44,936 I made him up. 17 00:00:45,105 --> 00:00:47,255 So you never saw Last Tango in Paris? 18 00:00:47,425 --> 00:00:49,575 - No. - Too bad, it was erotic. 19 00:00:52,665 --> 00:00:57,420 Well, I've had it with these jack-booted thugs. 20 00:00:57,905 --> 00:00:59,702 Pottery Barn? 21 00:00:59,865 --> 00:01:02,060 I got three Pottery Barn catalogues in one day. 22 00:01:02,225 --> 00:01:04,534 That makes eight this month. 23 00:01:05,265 --> 00:01:07,825 Mira Sorvino. Think she'd go out with me? 24 00:01:09,825 --> 00:01:11,497 Why don't you just throw them out? 25 00:01:11,665 --> 00:01:13,974 No. I've been saving them up here in your apartment. 26 00:01:14,145 --> 00:01:16,056 And now, it's payback time. 27 00:01:16,225 --> 00:01:19,023 Pottery Barn is in for a world of hurt. 28 00:01:19,585 --> 00:01:21,337 Can I have one? 29 00:01:21,825 --> 00:01:24,055 I need one of those old-looking phones. 30 00:01:25,585 --> 00:01:26,620 So you wanna grab a bite? 31 00:01:26,785 --> 00:01:28,980 I can't. I gotta make the weekly call to the folks. 32 00:01:29,145 --> 00:01:30,942 - So call now. - Gotta prep. 33 00:01:31,105 --> 00:01:33,665 I need a couple of anecdotes, a few you-were- right-abouts. 34 00:01:33,825 --> 00:01:34,860 It's a whole procedure. 35 00:01:35,265 --> 00:01:37,938 Wasn't Fragile Frankie the one that used to run to the woods... 36 00:01:38,105 --> 00:01:39,823 - ... every time he got upset? - That's him. 37 00:01:40,305 --> 00:01:41,818 - He still nuts? - What do you think? 38 00:01:41,985 --> 00:01:43,703 They gave me a new car for 30 minutes of: 39 00:01:43,865 --> 00:01:45,662 "So who's from out of town?" 40 00:01:50,025 --> 00:01:52,698 Seriously, is this the best okra you've ever had or what? 41 00:01:53,785 --> 00:01:56,015 - Delish. - Delish? 42 00:01:56,465 --> 00:01:59,104 Delish. You know, short for delicious. 43 00:01:59,265 --> 00:02:00,664 Oh, like scrump. 44 00:02:02,065 --> 00:02:03,214 Yeah. 45 00:02:04,865 --> 00:02:06,617 I'm gonna be late. I'll see you later. 46 00:02:08,865 --> 00:02:10,423 Excuse me. Can I borrow your ketchup? 47 00:02:10,585 --> 00:02:11,734 Oh, sure. 48 00:02:17,345 --> 00:02:18,573 Thanks. 49 00:02:22,625 --> 00:02:24,536 - Hello? - Hey, it's Georgie. 50 00:02:24,705 --> 00:02:27,344 - Let me put your father on the phone. - Ma. 51 00:02:28,065 --> 00:02:29,498 Who's this? 52 00:02:30,025 --> 00:02:31,743 Dad, it's me. 53 00:02:31,905 --> 00:02:34,942 Listen, I was at Fortunoff's the other day and you know what... 54 00:02:35,105 --> 00:02:36,618 ...you were right. 55 00:02:36,905 --> 00:02:38,782 Chinese food. 56 00:02:39,585 --> 00:02:42,622 Sorry, George, our Chinese food just came. Talk to you later. 57 00:02:42,785 --> 00:02:44,696 Chinese food? 58 00:02:50,025 --> 00:02:54,621 Hey, you like sending out catalogues? How do you like getting them back? 59 00:03:05,985 --> 00:03:07,737 So maybe they had Chinese food. 60 00:03:07,905 --> 00:03:08,894 After dark? 61 00:03:09,065 --> 00:03:12,182 Please. At their age that's like swallowing stun grenades. 62 00:03:13,305 --> 00:03:15,944 Well, there's one way to check. Where there's Chinese food... 63 00:03:16,105 --> 00:03:17,663 ...there's leftovers. 64 00:03:20,185 --> 00:03:22,096 Well, gentlemen... 65 00:03:23,025 --> 00:03:26,301 ...Laney is in love. 66 00:03:26,465 --> 00:03:28,854 Dynamite. I'll look for the Chinese- food leftovers. 67 00:03:29,025 --> 00:03:33,337 Hey, hey, hey. I met this guy. And it was like this... 68 00:03:33,825 --> 00:03:37,022 ...totally unreal fairy-tale moment. 69 00:03:37,185 --> 00:03:38,777 It wasn't Whitey Fisk, was it? 70 00:03:39,825 --> 00:03:41,816 Oh, George's friend? What happened to him? 71 00:03:42,545 --> 00:03:45,184 Nothing. I don't know. I gotta go. 72 00:03:46,425 --> 00:03:47,540 So this is beautiful. 73 00:03:47,705 --> 00:03:51,664 You and Puddy and this new guy in a big pot of love stew. 74 00:03:52,785 --> 00:03:55,219 Yeah. Puddy. 75 00:03:55,865 --> 00:04:00,177 Well, I won't fire him until I see if this new guy... 76 00:04:00,345 --> 00:04:02,779 ...can handle the workload. 77 00:04:04,825 --> 00:04:06,975 Will you look at this? More catalogues. 78 00:04:07,145 --> 00:04:09,978 Omaha Steaks, MacWarehouse. Newsweek? 79 00:04:10,665 --> 00:04:12,178 I can't stop all these companies... 80 00:04:12,345 --> 00:04:15,098 ...so I'm gonna attack this problem at the choke point. 81 00:04:15,265 --> 00:04:16,334 Stop the mail? 82 00:04:17,105 --> 00:04:18,254 That's even better. 83 00:04:22,465 --> 00:04:24,660 - Jerry. - Hey, Frankie. 84 00:04:24,825 --> 00:04:25,814 So where's the car? 85 00:04:25,985 --> 00:04:27,976 This is it. 86 00:04:28,985 --> 00:04:31,101 - Inside the van? - It is the van. 87 00:04:31,905 --> 00:04:34,783 Don't you remember, we always talked about how cool it would be... 88 00:04:34,945 --> 00:04:36,697 ...to have a van and just drive. 89 00:04:37,225 --> 00:04:38,453 We were 10. 90 00:04:39,305 --> 00:04:40,863 Come on. Let's take it for a spin. 91 00:04:41,825 --> 00:04:43,383 I don't want a van. 92 00:04:43,545 --> 00:04:45,137 Just tell him you want the Saab. 93 00:04:45,305 --> 00:04:47,580 You don't understand. This is Fragile Frankie Merman. 94 00:04:47,745 --> 00:04:49,497 When we were in camp, if you upset him... 95 00:04:49,665 --> 00:04:52,054 ...he'd run into the woods, dig a hole, and sit in it. 96 00:04:52,865 --> 00:04:54,218 Well, I have an idea. 97 00:04:54,385 --> 00:04:57,422 Keep the van and just get a bumper sticker that says: 98 00:04:57,585 --> 00:05:01,419 "If this van's a-rocking, don't come a-knocking." 99 00:05:01,585 --> 00:05:03,223 Always helpful. 100 00:05:05,065 --> 00:05:07,738 Oh, Georgie. What are you doing here? 101 00:05:07,905 --> 00:05:10,624 Just dropped in for a visit. You... 102 00:05:10,785 --> 00:05:12,138 You never called me back. 103 00:05:12,305 --> 00:05:14,296 Oh, the phone broke. 104 00:05:15,705 --> 00:05:16,854 Well, we gotta get moving. 105 00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:20,863 - What? Where are you going? - We have a catered affair. 106 00:05:21,025 --> 00:05:24,017 - You're going like that? - It's creative black tie. 107 00:05:24,385 --> 00:05:25,500 Move, woman. 108 00:05:32,345 --> 00:05:34,301 No Chinese leftovers. 109 00:05:34,465 --> 00:05:36,854 George is getting suspicious. 110 00:05:40,305 --> 00:05:42,455 Elaine, I'm sorry I'm late. 111 00:05:46,785 --> 00:05:48,343 I'm gonna be in the can. 112 00:05:48,745 --> 00:05:50,258 Okay, Jack. 113 00:05:50,745 --> 00:05:53,464 - Can I use your phone? - Sure. 114 00:05:56,545 --> 00:05:59,139 Puddy? It's Elaine. We're through. 115 00:05:59,305 --> 00:06:00,863 Yeah. That's right. Again. 116 00:06:01,665 --> 00:06:03,257 Thanks. 117 00:06:06,505 --> 00:06:09,861 - Nice captain's chairs, huh? - Aye, aye. 118 00:06:10,305 --> 00:06:12,216 Oh, there's a spot. Just back up. 119 00:06:13,505 --> 00:06:15,894 Hold on. There must be a truck backing up. 120 00:06:16,065 --> 00:06:18,625 - No, that's us. - Great. 121 00:06:18,785 --> 00:06:21,424 You know, Frankie, I was wondering. 122 00:06:21,585 --> 00:06:26,295 What if I decided that it's silly to have a van because, you know... 123 00:06:26,465 --> 00:06:28,342 ...I live in New York City. 124 00:06:29,985 --> 00:06:32,340 Is there maybe some way I could exchange it? 125 00:06:32,905 --> 00:06:35,863 - You don't like the van? - No, no, no. It's just hypothetically. 126 00:06:36,465 --> 00:06:38,296 - I gotta go to the park. - No. No, you don't. 127 00:06:38,465 --> 00:06:39,693 No woods. 128 00:06:39,865 --> 00:06:43,494 I love the van. I'm a van guy. 129 00:06:45,225 --> 00:06:46,214 Check it out. 130 00:06:46,385 --> 00:06:48,376 Rain and sleet may not stop them. 131 00:06:48,545 --> 00:06:51,662 But let's see them get by these bricks. 132 00:06:52,225 --> 00:06:53,499 Where'd you get the bricks? 133 00:06:53,665 --> 00:06:56,463 Jerry, the whole building is brick. 134 00:06:57,345 --> 00:06:59,222 You wanna take a ride with me out to Jersey? 135 00:06:59,385 --> 00:07:01,182 I'm gonna try and sell the van to a lot. 136 00:07:01,625 --> 00:07:05,618 A dealer? Are you insane? No, take out an ad. Sell it privately. 137 00:07:05,985 --> 00:07:09,978 I don't think I wanna meet the people that are in the market for a used van. 138 00:07:10,585 --> 00:07:12,701 - Come on, Jerry, just let me help you. - Okay. 139 00:07:12,865 --> 00:07:14,503 All right. Okay. 140 00:07:14,665 --> 00:07:16,223 Here we go. Yeah. 141 00:07:16,385 --> 00:07:18,580 So for sale, huh? 142 00:07:18,745 --> 00:07:20,064 For sale. 143 00:07:20,225 --> 00:07:23,979 A big juicy van. 144 00:07:25,905 --> 00:07:31,263 And, oh, we gotta put down, "interesting trades considered." 145 00:07:31,665 --> 00:07:33,940 - I don't wanna trade. - No, no, no. You don't have to. 146 00:07:34,105 --> 00:07:36,016 It's all about tickling their buying bone. 147 00:07:37,785 --> 00:07:41,334 You know what? This is all your mail. They're putting it in my box now. 148 00:07:41,505 --> 00:07:42,984 Let me see that. 149 00:07:43,145 --> 00:07:46,774 Oh, that's it. They have gone too far. 150 00:07:46,945 --> 00:07:49,334 They keep pushing me and pushing me. 151 00:07:49,505 --> 00:07:53,578 Now I got no choice but to go down there and talk to them. 152 00:07:55,545 --> 00:07:56,694 Hey, Jerry. 153 00:07:56,865 --> 00:07:58,617 I'd like you to meet someone. 154 00:07:58,785 --> 00:08:00,503 This is Jack. 155 00:08:07,425 --> 00:08:09,893 - May I help you? - Yeah, I'd like to cancel my mail. 156 00:08:10,065 --> 00:08:12,056 Certainly. How long would you like us to hold it? 157 00:08:12,225 --> 00:08:15,820 Oh, no, no, no. I don't think you get me. I want out. Permanently. 158 00:08:16,265 --> 00:08:17,493 I'll handle this, Violet. 159 00:08:17,665 --> 00:08:20,225 Why don't you take your three- hour break? 160 00:08:20,385 --> 00:08:24,060 Oh, calm down, everyone. No one's cancelling any mail. 161 00:08:24,225 --> 00:08:26,693 - Oh, yes, I am. - Well, what about your bills? 162 00:08:26,865 --> 00:08:28,821 - The bank can pay them. - The bank. 163 00:08:28,985 --> 00:08:30,623 Then what about your cards and letters? 164 00:08:30,785 --> 00:08:35,336 E-mail, telephones, fax machines, FedEx, Telex, telegrams. 165 00:08:35,505 --> 00:08:37,496 - Holograms. - All right. It's true. 166 00:08:37,665 --> 00:08:39,576 Of course nobody needs mail. 167 00:08:39,745 --> 00:08:42,259 What, you think you're so clever, figuring that one out? 168 00:08:42,425 --> 00:08:45,019 But you don't know the half of what goes on here. 169 00:08:45,185 --> 00:08:49,781 So just walk away, Kramer. I beg of you. 170 00:08:50,265 --> 00:08:53,814 Is everything all right here, postal employee Newman? 171 00:08:53,985 --> 00:08:56,863 Yes, sir. I believe everything is all squared away. 172 00:08:57,025 --> 00:08:58,777 Isn't it, Mr. Kramer? 173 00:08:58,945 --> 00:09:01,823 Oh, yeah. As long as I stop getting mail. 174 00:09:07,825 --> 00:09:09,543 Welcome back. 175 00:09:10,065 --> 00:09:12,818 Pretty quick for a catered affair. 176 00:09:13,265 --> 00:09:15,221 I don't know what you mean. 177 00:09:15,385 --> 00:09:17,057 You ditched me. That's twice. 178 00:09:17,225 --> 00:09:19,056 Now I demand to know what's going on. 179 00:09:21,185 --> 00:09:23,699 George, we've had it with you. 180 00:09:23,865 --> 00:09:28,222 Understand, we love you like a son, but even parents have limits. 181 00:09:28,385 --> 00:09:33,095 The breakups, the firings, and every Sunday with the calls. 182 00:09:33,945 --> 00:09:37,620 What my wife is trying to say is, this is supposed to be our time. 183 00:09:37,785 --> 00:09:39,423 - I'm not following. - I'm sorry, George. 184 00:09:39,585 --> 00:09:42,782 - We're cutting you loose. - You're cutting me loose? 185 00:09:43,465 --> 00:09:46,457 Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna make love to your mother. 186 00:09:52,745 --> 00:09:54,622 They don't want to see me anymore. 187 00:09:54,785 --> 00:09:56,855 But this is what you've always wanted. 188 00:09:57,025 --> 00:09:58,902 It is. 189 00:09:59,425 --> 00:10:00,699 Just not ready yet. 190 00:10:00,865 --> 00:10:03,459 - That's kind of sweet. - Shut up, Jerry. 191 00:10:03,625 --> 00:10:06,264 My parents think they can ignore me. 192 00:10:08,265 --> 00:10:09,664 Well, they better think again. 193 00:10:09,825 --> 00:10:12,544 Oh, no, George. Please. What are you gonna do? 194 00:10:12,705 --> 00:10:15,094 You remember my cousin, Rhisa? 195 00:10:15,425 --> 00:10:17,814 - I'm gonna date her. - Mother of God. 196 00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:21,978 One little wink. She'll freak out, tell my parents. They'll be all over me. 197 00:10:23,105 --> 00:10:24,220 What is this tape? 198 00:10:24,385 --> 00:10:26,774 That guy Elaine's dating seems really familiar to me. 199 00:10:26,945 --> 00:10:30,142 I think he might be a comedian I worked with one time. 200 00:10:30,465 --> 00:10:32,695 Wait a second. What...? What, what is this? 201 00:10:32,865 --> 00:10:34,696 This week end Nobody Beats The Wiz... 202 00:10:34,865 --> 00:10:37,425 ... is slashing prices on our entire stock. 203 00:10:37,585 --> 00:10:40,383 Nobody beats me because I'm the Wiz. 204 00:10:40,545 --> 00:10:43,537 Yes. I'm the Wiz. I'm the Wiz. 205 00:10:46,305 --> 00:10:47,579 That is the guy. 206 00:10:47,745 --> 00:10:49,337 Elaine's in love with the Wiz guy? 207 00:10:49,505 --> 00:10:51,097 She thinks she's in love with him. 208 00:10:51,265 --> 00:10:53,142 She's just remembering this old commercial. 209 00:10:53,305 --> 00:10:57,184 - That's pretty pathetic. - I know. They're not even related. 210 00:10:58,025 --> 00:10:59,140 Hey. 211 00:10:59,305 --> 00:11:00,897 Hey. 212 00:11:01,065 --> 00:11:03,499 - I'm gonna get going. - Have fun at the family reunion. 213 00:11:06,625 --> 00:11:09,981 So, what do you know about this Jack fella? 214 00:11:10,145 --> 00:11:13,342 - Isn't he the best? - Yeah, nobody beats him. 215 00:11:13,505 --> 00:11:14,779 Yeah. 216 00:11:15,505 --> 00:11:16,858 What kind of work does he do? 217 00:11:17,025 --> 00:11:20,222 Oh, right now he's a fact-checker for New York Magazine. 218 00:11:20,785 --> 00:11:25,017 It's not much, but it has a certain kind of quiet dignity. 219 00:11:26,785 --> 00:11:28,935 Right. Quiet dignity. 220 00:11:29,105 --> 00:11:31,255 As opposed to, say... 221 00:11:31,425 --> 00:11:32,460 ...this. 222 00:11:32,625 --> 00:11:35,583 Nobody beats me because I'm the Wiz. 223 00:11:35,745 --> 00:11:38,782 - Oh, no. - Oh, yes. 224 00:11:41,185 --> 00:11:42,220 Hello? 225 00:11:42,385 --> 00:11:45,502 Yeah, the van is still for sale. Sure, come on by. 226 00:11:46,745 --> 00:11:48,303 Yeah, I called about the van. 227 00:11:51,625 --> 00:11:53,024 - Some more merlot? - Yeah, thanks. 228 00:11:53,185 --> 00:11:54,538 Sure. 229 00:11:56,985 --> 00:11:58,464 You know, Rhisa, l... 230 00:12:01,065 --> 00:12:03,340 I've always found you very attractive. 231 00:12:04,305 --> 00:12:05,818 What? 232 00:12:06,225 --> 00:12:09,456 I know it may sound shocking... 233 00:12:09,625 --> 00:12:14,301 ...but I just can't stop myself from wanting you. 234 00:12:14,465 --> 00:12:16,376 You wanna borrow money, right? 235 00:12:16,705 --> 00:12:20,380 No, no. L... I just want us to be... 236 00:12:20,585 --> 00:12:21,654 ...together. 237 00:12:21,825 --> 00:12:23,338 All right. 238 00:12:24,825 --> 00:12:27,055 - All right? - Let's go for it. 239 00:12:27,225 --> 00:12:30,535 Well, we could dance around it a little first. 240 00:12:30,705 --> 00:12:32,900 No. Let's be bad, George. 241 00:12:33,065 --> 00:12:35,533 - Let's be really bad. - Whoa, easy. 242 00:12:39,385 --> 00:12:43,537 - So how come you're selling it? - You know why I'm selling it. I hate it. 243 00:12:43,705 --> 00:12:45,661 - How many miles? - Two. 244 00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:47,334 City or highway? 245 00:12:47,505 --> 00:12:49,655 Look, do you really wanna buy this thing or what? 246 00:12:49,825 --> 00:12:52,214 Hey, hey. Take it easy. I'm not gonna be pressured. 247 00:12:52,385 --> 00:12:53,659 I'll walk away right now. 248 00:12:55,545 --> 00:12:57,661 Is this thing bent? 249 00:13:00,945 --> 00:13:03,413 - I'm not paying for that. - All right, just get out of here. 250 00:13:03,585 --> 00:13:05,541 All right. Look, I'm gonna be honest. 251 00:13:05,705 --> 00:13:07,900 I'm very interested in the van. 252 00:13:08,065 --> 00:13:12,377 Okay, fine. What do I have to do to put you in this van today? 253 00:13:12,545 --> 00:13:15,423 Well, I don't really have any money, but it says right here: 254 00:13:15,585 --> 00:13:17,177 Interesting trades considered? 255 00:13:17,345 --> 00:13:20,257 - You put that in. - Glad I did. 256 00:13:20,425 --> 00:13:21,983 Here. 257 00:13:22,225 --> 00:13:23,897 You wanna trade me an undershirt? 258 00:13:24,065 --> 00:13:28,024 No, I want to trade you screen legend Anthony Quinn's undershirt. 259 00:13:28,185 --> 00:13:31,734 He took this off to do sit-ups in the park and I nabbed it. 260 00:13:32,225 --> 00:13:36,138 - That's disgusting. - Well, that's my final offer. 261 00:13:38,385 --> 00:13:41,183 You dumped me for some idiotic TV pitchman? 262 00:13:41,945 --> 00:13:44,539 I'm sorry, Puddy. It was a mistake. 263 00:13:44,705 --> 00:13:46,536 Let's just put it behind us... 264 00:13:46,705 --> 00:13:49,822 ...and we can continue as if this never happened. 265 00:13:49,985 --> 00:13:52,055 Jeez, I don't know. What if we're out somewhere... 266 00:13:52,225 --> 00:13:54,455 ...and you see the Maytag Repairman? 267 00:13:55,865 --> 00:13:58,584 - You're not taking me back? - That's right. 268 00:13:59,265 --> 00:14:00,664 He's not idiotic. 269 00:14:00,825 --> 00:14:04,101 He's the Wiz. And nobody beats him. 270 00:14:05,185 --> 00:14:06,903 Nobody. 271 00:14:08,745 --> 00:14:10,337 Here you go. Mail is evil. Pass it on. 272 00:14:11,625 --> 00:14:13,820 Hey, mail blows. Fax it to a friend. 273 00:14:14,305 --> 00:14:16,375 Why does this dummy have a bucket on his head? 274 00:14:16,545 --> 00:14:18,615 Because we're blind to their tyranny. 275 00:14:18,785 --> 00:14:20,377 Shouldn't you be wearing the bucket? 276 00:14:20,945 --> 00:14:22,378 Yeah. Move along, Betty. 277 00:14:24,465 --> 00:14:26,217 Is this Jerry Seinfeld's van? 278 00:14:27,105 --> 00:14:30,734 Not anymore. He traded it to me for some Hollywood memorabilia. 279 00:14:31,985 --> 00:14:33,577 - I'm so stupid. - What? 280 00:14:33,745 --> 00:14:35,895 I'm so stupid. Excuse... I'm sorry. 281 00:14:37,185 --> 00:14:38,584 Hey, nice to meet you. 282 00:14:40,545 --> 00:14:42,137 She's into it? 283 00:14:42,305 --> 00:14:44,944 She's leaving me dirty messages on my answering machine. 284 00:14:46,105 --> 00:14:48,141 So have your parents found out about it? 285 00:14:48,305 --> 00:14:51,263 She wants to keep it quiet. She thinks we have a real future together. 286 00:14:51,425 --> 00:14:53,017 It's a brave new world, all right. 287 00:14:54,865 --> 00:14:56,457 Hey, guys. 288 00:14:56,945 --> 00:14:58,617 Hey, how's the anti-mail campaign going? 289 00:14:58,785 --> 00:15:02,095 Oh, boy, it's fantastic. We were out in front of the post office today... 290 00:15:02,265 --> 00:15:03,903 ...and not one person went in. 291 00:15:04,065 --> 00:15:05,464 It's Sunday. 292 00:15:07,265 --> 00:15:09,017 Why is the mailman wearing a bucket? 293 00:15:10,305 --> 00:15:12,614 Well, it symbolizes our persecution. 294 00:15:12,785 --> 00:15:14,423 Shouldn't you be wearing the bucket? 295 00:15:16,025 --> 00:15:17,822 Hey, I want my van keys back. 296 00:15:17,985 --> 00:15:21,660 Well, I thought we made a deal for Quinn's T-shirt? 297 00:15:21,825 --> 00:15:23,099 Are you insane? 298 00:15:23,585 --> 00:15:25,018 - Give them. - No, I can't. I can't. 299 00:15:25,185 --> 00:15:26,777 See, I told Frank he could borrow it. 300 00:15:26,945 --> 00:15:29,505 Yeah, he wants to move some of George's stuff into storage. 301 00:15:30,145 --> 00:15:31,498 Wait a minute. 302 00:15:31,665 --> 00:15:33,974 He's picking up the van tonight? This is perfect. 303 00:15:34,145 --> 00:15:35,976 I'll drive Rhisa to someplace romantic... 304 00:15:36,145 --> 00:15:38,056 ...then when my father slides the door open... 305 00:15:38,225 --> 00:15:41,342 ...l'm in the van kissing his brother's daughter. 306 00:15:41,985 --> 00:15:43,623 Jerry, one of your friends came by... 307 00:15:43,785 --> 00:15:45,821 ...and he was very upset that I had your wheels. 308 00:15:45,985 --> 00:15:47,100 Oh, no, not Frankie. 309 00:15:47,265 --> 00:15:49,984 I didn't catch his name, but he went running into the park. 310 00:15:50,545 --> 00:15:53,503 Oh, no, the woods, the hole. 311 00:15:57,665 --> 00:16:00,020 - Hey. - Kramer, what the hell are you doing? 312 00:16:00,185 --> 00:16:02,904 I know, I'm gonna switch the bucket to something else. 313 00:16:03,065 --> 00:16:05,181 - Not that. - What? 314 00:16:05,345 --> 00:16:06,460 You're in trouble, Kramer. 315 00:16:06,625 --> 00:16:09,139 I shouldn't be talking to you. I'm telling you as a friend. 316 00:16:09,305 --> 00:16:10,533 Here's how it's gonna happen. 317 00:16:10,705 --> 00:16:13,742 You may be walking, maybe on a crisp autumn day just like today... 318 00:16:13,905 --> 00:16:16,544 ...when a mail truck will slow beside you, the door will open. 319 00:16:16,705 --> 00:16:19,902 A mailman you know, maybe even trust, will offer to give you a lift. 320 00:16:20,065 --> 00:16:21,418 - Are you through? - No. 321 00:16:21,585 --> 00:16:23,223 And no one will ever see you again. 322 00:16:23,385 --> 00:16:25,376 - Are you through? - Yes. 323 00:16:25,545 --> 00:16:27,024 No, wait. 324 00:16:27,185 --> 00:16:28,459 Okay, yes. 325 00:16:33,825 --> 00:16:36,055 - Quick. Get in. - Oh, no, no, no. 326 00:16:36,225 --> 00:16:38,420 That's exactly how you said it was going down. 327 00:16:38,585 --> 00:16:40,223 There's another way. It's going down now! 328 00:16:40,385 --> 00:16:43,980 No, you said a mailman I know, and you're a mailman I know. 329 00:16:44,145 --> 00:16:46,818 I know you know, but you don't know what I know. 330 00:16:48,545 --> 00:16:50,137 Frankie? 331 00:16:50,305 --> 00:16:51,533 Frankie? 332 00:16:51,905 --> 00:16:53,736 Frankie? 333 00:16:54,425 --> 00:16:56,143 Frankie, is that you? 334 00:16:56,305 --> 00:16:57,499 My name is Edgar. 335 00:16:59,505 --> 00:17:00,858 Have a nice night. 336 00:17:01,025 --> 00:17:02,697 Thank you. 337 00:17:04,065 --> 00:17:05,214 Stupid. 338 00:17:05,385 --> 00:17:07,899 So stupid. 339 00:17:10,105 --> 00:17:11,220 Jerry? 340 00:17:14,425 --> 00:17:16,541 All right, George. 341 00:17:17,145 --> 00:17:18,942 I'm ready. 342 00:17:20,065 --> 00:17:21,783 Yeah, hold on. I'm... 343 00:17:21,945 --> 00:17:24,937 I'm just trying to get a reading on my dashboard compass. 344 00:17:26,545 --> 00:17:28,137 Where are my parents? 345 00:17:28,305 --> 00:17:29,897 Georgie. 346 00:17:30,985 --> 00:17:34,102 Is this Seinfeld's van? Seinfeld's van. Seinfeld's van. 347 00:17:34,785 --> 00:17:37,299 - Wait. What's he saying? - I think he's saying Son of Sam. 348 00:17:37,465 --> 00:17:39,217 - Oh, my God! - I thought they caught him. 349 00:17:39,385 --> 00:17:41,341 I knew it wasn't Berkowitz. 350 00:17:45,865 --> 00:17:49,653 So I told him, hit the road, I'm going back with Jack. 351 00:17:51,265 --> 00:17:53,335 That's the second good piece of news I've gotten. 352 00:17:53,505 --> 00:17:54,938 Really? What was the first? 353 00:17:56,865 --> 00:17:58,696 They're bringing me back. 354 00:17:58,865 --> 00:18:01,095 Yeah. I'm the Wiz again. 355 00:18:01,265 --> 00:18:02,778 What? 356 00:18:03,505 --> 00:18:06,463 I'm the Wiz. I'm the Wiz. 357 00:18:06,625 --> 00:18:08,934 What...? What about your fact-checking job? 358 00:18:09,105 --> 00:18:12,541 Oh, here's a fact. I'm the Wiz. 359 00:18:15,345 --> 00:18:18,143 I'm the Wiz and nobody beats me. 360 00:18:20,385 --> 00:18:22,774 Frankie. Come on out of there. 361 00:18:23,185 --> 00:18:25,255 - You hate the van. - But I'm keeping it. 362 00:18:25,785 --> 00:18:28,060 As much as I hate the idea of being a van guy... 363 00:18:28,225 --> 00:18:31,820 ...it's a lot better than hanging out here with the nocturnal dirt people. 364 00:18:32,705 --> 00:18:33,899 So can we go for a ride? 365 00:18:34,065 --> 00:18:37,023 Yeah, let's just get the hell out of here. 366 00:18:39,505 --> 00:18:41,018 Are you done with that? 367 00:18:47,945 --> 00:18:50,300 Good. He left the door unlocked. 368 00:18:50,465 --> 00:18:53,775 Why did Kramer have to park the van in the woods? 369 00:18:53,945 --> 00:18:57,654 Isn't it obvious? There are no parking meters out here. 370 00:19:00,425 --> 00:19:02,381 Hey, look at this. 371 00:19:05,505 --> 00:19:08,065 Hoochie mama. 372 00:19:10,625 --> 00:19:13,662 Oh, my goodness, what have they done to you here? 373 00:19:15,345 --> 00:19:17,063 Who are you? 374 00:19:17,225 --> 00:19:18,624 Well... 375 00:19:19,065 --> 00:19:21,101 ...you can just call me Henry. 376 00:19:21,265 --> 00:19:24,337 Henry Atkins, the postmaster general? 377 00:19:24,505 --> 00:19:25,824 Last time I checked. 378 00:19:26,945 --> 00:19:29,015 Henry, can I get out of here now? 379 00:19:29,185 --> 00:19:30,618 Oh, oh, sit a bit. 380 00:19:30,785 --> 00:19:31,820 Sit a bit. 381 00:19:31,985 --> 00:19:36,024 I mean, after all, I drove all the way up here from D.C. Just to talk to you. 382 00:19:36,625 --> 00:19:40,015 I even had to cancel a round of golf with the secretary of state. 383 00:19:40,185 --> 00:19:42,141 Do you like golf, Mr. Kramer? 384 00:19:43,025 --> 00:19:44,378 Yeah. 385 00:19:44,545 --> 00:19:48,379 Mr. Kramer, I've been reading some of your material here. 386 00:19:48,545 --> 00:19:50,058 I gotta be honest with you. 387 00:19:50,225 --> 00:19:52,693 You make a pretty strong case. 388 00:19:52,865 --> 00:19:54,298 I mean, just imagine. 389 00:19:54,465 --> 00:19:57,935 An army of men in wool pants, running through the neighbourhood... 390 00:19:58,105 --> 00:20:02,257 ...handing out pottery catalogues door to door. 391 00:20:04,465 --> 00:20:05,659 Well, it's my job... 392 00:20:07,385 --> 00:20:09,455 ...and I'm pretty damn serious about it. 393 00:20:09,985 --> 00:20:12,897 In addition to being a postmaster... 394 00:20:13,185 --> 00:20:16,700 ...l'm a general and we both know... 395 00:20:16,865 --> 00:20:20,983 ...it's the job of a general to, by God, get things done. 396 00:20:22,625 --> 00:20:24,217 So maybe you can understand... 397 00:20:24,705 --> 00:20:28,698 ...why I get a little irritated when somebody calls me away from my golf. 398 00:20:28,865 --> 00:20:31,095 I'm sorry. I'm very, very sorry. 399 00:20:31,265 --> 00:20:33,096 Sure, you're sorry. 400 00:20:33,265 --> 00:20:36,223 I think we got a stack of mail there at the desk that belongs to you. 401 00:20:36,385 --> 00:20:38,296 You want that mail, don't you, Mr. Kramer? 402 00:20:38,465 --> 00:20:39,898 Sure do. 403 00:20:40,065 --> 00:20:42,135 - Now, that's better. - All right. 404 00:20:47,505 --> 00:20:49,018 Newman? 405 00:20:49,385 --> 00:20:51,740 Tell the world my story. 406 00:21:02,185 --> 00:21:03,413 - Hey, George. - Jerry. 407 00:21:03,585 --> 00:21:04,904 - Hey, that's the guy. - What? 408 00:21:05,065 --> 00:21:06,703 George Costanza. Frankie Merman. 409 00:21:08,345 --> 00:21:09,334 The summer me. 410 00:21:09,505 --> 00:21:11,461 The winter me. 411 00:21:11,985 --> 00:21:13,179 You must be George's cousin. 412 00:21:13,545 --> 00:21:14,614 Girlfriend. 413 00:21:15,425 --> 00:21:16,494 All right. 414 00:21:18,145 --> 00:21:19,180 Hey, what is that? 415 00:21:21,265 --> 00:21:23,495 That van's a-rocking. 416 00:21:23,665 --> 00:21:25,895 Then don't go a-knocking. 417 00:21:26,705 --> 00:21:30,618 - Oh, my God. - Oh, my God! 418 00:21:30,905 --> 00:21:32,782 Oh, you gotta sell this van. 419 00:21:32,945 --> 00:21:34,617 Oh, yeah. 420 00:21:43,065 --> 00:21:45,215 What you saw in the van was a natural expression... 421 00:21:45,385 --> 00:21:46,943 ...of a man's love for his lady. 422 00:21:49,185 --> 00:21:52,222 Your father's right. It's beautiful. 423 00:21:52,385 --> 00:21:53,659 And it was safe. 424 00:21:55,825 --> 00:21:57,144 Oh, God. 425 00:21:57,305 --> 00:21:59,660 Now, if you'll excuse me, once again... 426 00:21:59,825 --> 00:22:03,420 ...your mother and l... - Oh, make it stop.