1 00:00:03,779 --> 00:00:07,249 - If you borrow my blender, return it. - Come on, we're like Cain and Abel. 2 00:00:07,419 --> 00:00:09,296 Yeah, you know, Cain slew Abel. 3 00:00:09,459 --> 00:00:11,734 No, he didn't. They were in business together. 4 00:00:11,899 --> 00:00:13,014 Dry wall or something. 5 00:00:13,179 --> 00:00:15,374 - Oh, no. - All right, then what was it? 6 00:00:15,539 --> 00:00:18,417 Well, I think Abel worked hard all summer harvesting his crops... 7 00:00:18,579 --> 00:00:21,047 ...while Cain just played in the field. 8 00:00:21,219 --> 00:00:25,258 Then when winter came, Abel had all the nuts, Cain had no nuts. 9 00:00:25,419 --> 00:00:26,613 So he killed him. 10 00:00:26,779 --> 00:00:29,339 The way I remember it, Cain, he was a successful doctor... 11 00:00:29,499 --> 00:00:33,253 ...but when he took this special formula, he became Mr. Abel. 12 00:00:33,979 --> 00:00:35,253 You broke my blender. 13 00:00:35,419 --> 00:00:37,979 Yeah. Well, I was trying to make gravel and it just... 14 00:00:38,139 --> 00:00:41,415 - It just didn't work out. - I knew it. 15 00:00:43,739 --> 00:00:45,218 Why were you making gravel? 16 00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:48,496 Well, I like the sound it makes when you walk on it. 17 00:00:49,499 --> 00:00:51,217 This looks familiar. 18 00:00:51,379 --> 00:00:52,653 Of course, it's garbage. 19 00:00:52,819 --> 00:00:54,696 No, no, no, no. These brown things. 20 00:00:54,859 --> 00:00:56,531 And the chairs. 21 00:00:56,699 --> 00:00:59,497 Jerry, this is the set from the old Merv Griffin Show. 22 00:00:59,659 --> 00:01:01,809 They must be throwing it out. 23 00:01:01,979 --> 00:01:04,049 This stuff belongs in the Smithsonian. 24 00:01:04,219 --> 00:01:06,608 Or at least in the Dumpster behind the Smithsonian. 25 00:01:08,699 --> 00:01:11,259 Boy, one minute Elliott Gould is sitting on you... 26 00:01:11,419 --> 00:01:13,649 ...and the next thing you're yesterday's trash. 27 00:01:13,819 --> 00:01:15,047 Come on, get out of there. 28 00:01:15,219 --> 00:01:18,291 Oh, no, you go ahead. I'm not finished taking this in. 29 00:01:18,779 --> 00:01:20,974 Jerry, look. 30 00:01:21,139 --> 00:01:22,208 Merv Griffin's cigar. 31 00:01:25,979 --> 00:01:29,608 You know, I spilled a yogurt smoothie in here two days ago. 32 00:01:29,779 --> 00:01:31,178 Can't smell anything, can you? 33 00:01:31,339 --> 00:01:32,488 Banana? 34 00:01:33,299 --> 00:01:34,414 Right. 35 00:01:34,579 --> 00:01:36,171 George, watch out for those pigeons. 36 00:01:36,339 --> 00:01:39,251 Oh, they'll get out of the way. You really smell banana? 37 00:01:41,419 --> 00:01:43,410 Oh, my God. 38 00:01:44,659 --> 00:01:46,058 So... 39 00:01:46,539 --> 00:01:48,097 ...where we eating? 40 00:01:51,859 --> 00:01:55,056 And it was his idea to put a sprig of parsley on the plate. 41 00:01:55,219 --> 00:01:59,053 You're making this up. There was never a Joseph Garnish. 42 00:02:00,219 --> 00:02:02,096 Oh, yeah. The toys. 43 00:02:02,259 --> 00:02:03,851 Where did you get all these? 44 00:02:04,019 --> 00:02:05,372 My dad was a collector. 45 00:02:05,539 --> 00:02:08,690 I inherited them after he died from a long, painful bout with... 46 00:02:08,859 --> 00:02:10,133 SuperBall. 47 00:02:10,819 --> 00:02:14,209 Hey, an original G.I. Joe... 48 00:02:14,379 --> 00:02:19,169 ...with the full frogman suit. - What are you doing? 49 00:02:19,339 --> 00:02:21,773 I'm putting this on him and we're going to the sink. 50 00:02:21,939 --> 00:02:23,531 No, Jerry... 51 00:02:23,699 --> 00:02:25,212 ...they're priceless. 52 00:02:25,379 --> 00:02:27,017 They've never been played with. 53 00:02:27,179 --> 00:02:30,808 - I just wanna touch them a little. - I said, no. 54 00:02:30,979 --> 00:02:33,288 Now, come here. 55 00:02:42,339 --> 00:02:43,738 Hi. 56 00:02:44,259 --> 00:02:46,978 I'm Lou Filerman. I'm new here. 57 00:02:50,979 --> 00:02:53,618 Hey, Walter. What is the deal with that guy? 58 00:02:53,779 --> 00:02:55,531 He's Lou Filerman. He's new here. 59 00:02:57,579 --> 00:03:00,218 Hey, your coffee stain looks like Fidel Castro. 60 00:03:00,699 --> 00:03:03,213 You've been an enormous help. 61 00:03:04,379 --> 00:03:07,257 You ran over some pigeons? How many? 62 00:03:07,419 --> 00:03:09,171 Whatever they had. 63 00:03:09,699 --> 00:03:12,691 Miranda thinks I'm a butcher. But it's not my fault, is it? 64 00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:15,373 Don't we have a deal with the pigeons? 65 00:03:16,099 --> 00:03:17,214 Of course we have a deal. 66 00:03:17,379 --> 00:03:18,937 They get out of the way of cars... 67 00:03:19,099 --> 00:03:21,488 ...we look the other way on the statue defecation. 68 00:03:21,659 --> 00:03:24,048 Right. And these pigeons broke the deal. 69 00:03:24,219 --> 00:03:26,414 I will not accept the blame for this. 70 00:03:26,779 --> 00:03:29,737 - So Miranda's cooled on you? - I'm getting nothing. 71 00:03:30,379 --> 00:03:33,177 - Yeah, me neither. - I thought you were sleeping together. 72 00:03:33,339 --> 00:03:35,899 Oh, the sex is wild, but she's got this toy collection... 73 00:03:36,059 --> 00:03:37,777 ...and she won't let me near it. 74 00:03:38,619 --> 00:03:41,133 - I don't understand women. - Here comes one. 75 00:03:42,219 --> 00:03:44,130 Hey. What's going on? 76 00:03:44,539 --> 00:03:47,099 Hey. Art Garfunkel? 77 00:03:47,259 --> 00:03:50,092 - No, Castro. - Right. 78 00:03:50,259 --> 00:03:52,853 It's all because of this creepy new guy at work. 79 00:03:53,019 --> 00:03:56,170 He just comes out of nowhere and he's right next to you. 80 00:03:56,339 --> 00:03:57,488 So he just sidles up? 81 00:03:57,659 --> 00:04:01,698 That's right. He's a real sidler. 82 00:04:02,579 --> 00:04:04,695 - Maybe you didn't see him. - You never see him. 83 00:04:04,859 --> 00:04:06,451 He sidled me again in my office. 84 00:04:06,619 --> 00:04:08,177 I was sitting making Cup-a-Soup... 85 00:04:08,339 --> 00:04:10,455 ...singing that song from The Lion King. 86 00:04:11,059 --> 00:04:12,208 "Hakuna Matata"? 87 00:04:12,779 --> 00:04:15,532 - I thought I was alone. - That doesn't make it right. 88 00:04:18,539 --> 00:04:21,099 To me, the "Hakuna Matata" is not nearly as embarrassing... 89 00:04:21,259 --> 00:04:23,409 ...as the Cup-a-Soup. - Would you just... 90 00:04:23,579 --> 00:04:24,568 ...let it go? 91 00:04:24,739 --> 00:04:27,412 Hey, Jerry. Come here a sec. 92 00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:29,253 Oh, yeah. 93 00:04:29,419 --> 00:04:30,852 Hey. 94 00:04:31,019 --> 00:04:32,532 Oh, my God. 95 00:04:32,699 --> 00:04:35,418 It's the Merv Griffin set. 96 00:04:37,019 --> 00:04:38,532 How did you get this in here? 97 00:04:38,699 --> 00:04:42,612 Oh, you just bring it in sideways and hook it. 98 00:04:43,099 --> 00:04:46,774 - So where are you gonna sleep? - Backstage. 99 00:04:48,939 --> 00:04:51,134 This chair smells like garbage. 100 00:04:51,299 --> 00:04:52,891 A lot of the stars from the '70s... 101 00:04:53,059 --> 00:04:55,732 ...they were not as hygienic as they appeared on TV. 102 00:04:55,899 --> 00:04:58,618 You take Mannix, for example. 103 00:04:58,939 --> 00:04:59,928 I'm gonna get that. 104 00:05:00,099 --> 00:05:02,693 Well, Jerry, we'd love to have you back anytime. 105 00:05:06,059 --> 00:05:07,378 Well, Elaine Benes... 106 00:05:07,539 --> 00:05:09,655 Well, it's great to have you. 107 00:05:10,299 --> 00:05:12,449 Is it possible you're even more beautiful... 108 00:05:12,619 --> 00:05:14,211 ...than the last time I saw you? 109 00:05:31,659 --> 00:05:33,331 We had a deal. 110 00:05:34,379 --> 00:05:38,054 - Mr. Peterman, here are these pages... - One moment. 111 00:05:38,219 --> 00:05:39,971 I'm reading the fascinating article... 112 00:05:40,139 --> 00:05:42,858 ...on the most fascinating people of the year. 113 00:05:43,019 --> 00:05:46,375 And done. 114 00:05:46,539 --> 00:05:49,451 Oh, yes. I'm sorry, I needed this so quickly. 115 00:05:49,619 --> 00:05:52,531 It must have been a lot of work. Thank you very much, you two. 116 00:05:52,699 --> 00:05:54,610 What? 117 00:05:57,659 --> 00:06:00,219 Three dates and she still won't let me play with the toys. 118 00:06:00,379 --> 00:06:01,573 That's interesting. 119 00:06:01,739 --> 00:06:03,889 Someone mentioned to me you were not very happy... 120 00:06:04,059 --> 00:06:05,777 ...with your toys growing up. 121 00:06:05,939 --> 00:06:08,328 Yeah, that was me. 122 00:06:08,499 --> 00:06:09,932 That's right, right. 123 00:06:10,099 --> 00:06:13,489 And you mentioned that you didn't get a G.I. Joe. You had... 124 00:06:13,659 --> 00:06:16,014 - An Army Pete. - Right. 125 00:06:16,179 --> 00:06:19,171 He was made of wood, in the rain he would swell up and then split. 126 00:06:20,139 --> 00:06:22,937 And we all know how painful that can be. 127 00:06:27,499 --> 00:06:29,490 - Jerry? Oh, there you are. - Oh, Elaine Benes. 128 00:06:29,659 --> 00:06:32,651 Well, this is quite a thrill. Yes, come. 129 00:06:35,299 --> 00:06:37,494 Yes, sit down. Yes. 130 00:06:37,659 --> 00:06:40,935 Well, I'll tell you, this sidler guy is really chapping my hide. 131 00:06:41,099 --> 00:06:44,853 Excuse me? Yeah, we're talking this way. 132 00:06:45,299 --> 00:06:47,096 He's getting credit for work that I did. 133 00:06:47,259 --> 00:06:49,329 He's gonna sidle me right out of a job. 134 00:06:49,499 --> 00:06:53,492 Now, for those of us who don't know, sidling is what? 135 00:06:54,179 --> 00:06:55,851 Kramer, what is wrong with you? 136 00:06:57,499 --> 00:06:58,488 What do you mean? 137 00:06:58,659 --> 00:07:00,968 Well, for starters, you're looking at note cards. 138 00:07:02,459 --> 00:07:04,848 I'm gonna give that guy a taste of his own medicine. 139 00:07:05,019 --> 00:07:08,170 So I am going to sidle the sidler. 140 00:07:08,339 --> 00:07:12,127 You sidle? You stomp around like a Clydesdale. 141 00:07:12,299 --> 00:07:13,527 Not with these honeys. 142 00:07:13,699 --> 00:07:15,530 Wrestling shoes. 143 00:07:15,699 --> 00:07:18,497 Only in New York. 144 00:07:20,819 --> 00:07:22,730 Jerry? 145 00:07:24,219 --> 00:07:27,097 Hey. Well, ladies and gentlemen. 146 00:07:27,259 --> 00:07:30,217 It's our good friend, George Costanza. 147 00:07:30,379 --> 00:07:32,370 What a surprise. 148 00:07:38,139 --> 00:07:40,289 Turn music off. 149 00:07:40,979 --> 00:07:42,458 Yeah, sit, sit. 150 00:07:47,059 --> 00:07:48,970 - Well, it happened again. - What happened? 151 00:07:49,459 --> 00:07:50,938 I'll ask the questions. 152 00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:54,458 What happened? 153 00:07:55,579 --> 00:07:59,049 Well, I just stomped some pigeons in the park. They didn't move. 154 00:07:59,219 --> 00:08:02,529 All right. Let's change the subject. 155 00:08:02,699 --> 00:08:06,089 Now, you and Jerry dated for a while. Tell us... 156 00:08:06,259 --> 00:08:07,977 ...what was that like? 157 00:08:11,459 --> 00:08:13,336 It's the wrong card. 158 00:08:14,979 --> 00:08:17,539 I don't get these birds. They're breaking the deal. 159 00:08:17,699 --> 00:08:19,894 It's like the pigeons decided to ignore me. 160 00:08:20,059 --> 00:08:21,492 So they're like everyone else. 161 00:08:24,019 --> 00:08:26,214 All right, let's take a short break. 162 00:08:39,539 --> 00:08:41,609 Okay, we're back. 163 00:08:46,299 --> 00:08:48,494 Boy, that bank clock is eight minutes off. 164 00:08:48,659 --> 00:08:51,093 Then why don't you just run it over too? 165 00:09:01,259 --> 00:09:02,931 George, what are you doing? 166 00:09:03,299 --> 00:09:05,130 Did you see that? That pigeon didn't move. 167 00:09:05,299 --> 00:09:07,972 I had to swerve out of the way. I saved that pigeon's life. 168 00:09:08,139 --> 00:09:12,371 What pigeon? You drove right into that squirrel. 169 00:09:12,579 --> 00:09:14,490 Squirrel? 170 00:09:14,659 --> 00:09:17,298 Well, we have no deal with them. 171 00:09:28,059 --> 00:09:31,415 Jerry, those hands. They never stop. 172 00:09:31,579 --> 00:09:33,137 I'm sorry. 173 00:09:33,299 --> 00:09:35,813 You got any booze? What say you and I get ripped. 174 00:09:36,379 --> 00:09:39,098 No, thanks. I have a headache. 175 00:09:39,259 --> 00:09:41,932 Can you just get me an aspirin? 176 00:09:42,299 --> 00:09:43,857 All right. 177 00:09:47,659 --> 00:09:50,696 "Will not cause drowsiness." 178 00:09:51,899 --> 00:09:55,414 "May cause drowsiness." 179 00:10:01,299 --> 00:10:02,732 Here's the new copy you wanted. 180 00:10:02,899 --> 00:10:04,651 Oh, yes. 181 00:10:05,219 --> 00:10:09,895 Well, this certainly looks like a lot of words in record time. 182 00:10:10,499 --> 00:10:13,172 I'm very impressed with both of you. 183 00:10:15,979 --> 00:10:17,651 Thank you. 184 00:10:17,819 --> 00:10:21,528 Unfortunately, I am also disgusted. 185 00:10:21,699 --> 00:10:24,167 This is incoherent drivel. 186 00:10:24,859 --> 00:10:27,248 This is a total redo... 187 00:10:27,419 --> 00:10:30,456 ...and I'm assuming I need it right away. 188 00:10:31,059 --> 00:10:32,856 Well, I guess we'll just have... 189 00:10:36,619 --> 00:10:39,497 Oh, just give me that. 190 00:10:50,139 --> 00:10:52,494 Mission accomplished. Back to base, Joe. 191 00:10:58,779 --> 00:11:00,451 Doctor, is the squirrel going to live? 192 00:11:00,619 --> 00:11:04,089 There's been massive trauma. We could, of course, try to save him... 193 00:11:04,259 --> 00:11:07,490 ...but it would be costly, difficult, and we'd have to send away... 194 00:11:07,659 --> 00:11:09,968 ...for some special, really tiny instruments. 195 00:11:11,579 --> 00:11:13,809 Well, are there any other options? 196 00:11:13,979 --> 00:11:15,651 We could put him to sleep. 197 00:11:16,179 --> 00:11:17,498 What might that cost? 198 00:11:17,979 --> 00:11:21,494 Well, it's by the pound, so about 80 cents. 199 00:11:21,659 --> 00:11:22,808 - Well... - George. 200 00:11:22,979 --> 00:11:25,095 I was just... I was curious, that's all. 201 00:11:28,539 --> 00:11:30,894 We'd like you to do everything possible. 202 00:11:31,059 --> 00:11:33,414 He's not gonna be the same, you know? 203 00:11:33,579 --> 00:11:35,729 Yeah, yeah, I know. 204 00:11:36,979 --> 00:11:39,732 So they're flying the tiny instruments in from El Paso. 205 00:11:40,259 --> 00:11:43,934 El Paso. I spent a month there one night. 206 00:11:45,379 --> 00:11:47,256 El Paso. 207 00:11:48,659 --> 00:11:49,978 What's he here for? 208 00:11:50,139 --> 00:11:52,733 Well, he takes some of the pressure off of me. 209 00:11:52,899 --> 00:11:54,491 So, Jerry what's going on with you? 210 00:11:54,659 --> 00:11:57,969 I understand there's a young lady in your life. 211 00:11:58,139 --> 00:12:01,495 Actually, it's kind of a funny story, because she has this toy collection... 212 00:12:01,659 --> 00:12:03,536 ...and last night, I got to play with them. 213 00:12:03,699 --> 00:12:05,974 Well, sounds like things are progressing. 214 00:12:06,139 --> 00:12:07,413 Do I hear wedding bells? 215 00:12:07,579 --> 00:12:09,968 - Are you married right now? - Newman. 216 00:12:10,139 --> 00:12:11,731 She doesn't even know about the toys. 217 00:12:11,899 --> 00:12:16,290 I gave her the wrong kind of medicine and I guess she passed out. 218 00:12:16,459 --> 00:12:18,131 What do you mean, wrong kind? 219 00:12:18,299 --> 00:12:20,255 She's got that Mattel football game we loved. 220 00:12:20,419 --> 00:12:21,772 You gotta get me over there. 221 00:12:21,939 --> 00:12:24,499 Wait a minute. You mean to say that you drugged a woman... 222 00:12:24,659 --> 00:12:27,457 ...so you could take advantage of her toys? 223 00:12:27,619 --> 00:12:29,974 Let's pause a moment. 224 00:12:32,179 --> 00:12:33,168 Jerry... 225 00:12:33,339 --> 00:12:35,807 ...what you do with your personal life is your business. 226 00:12:35,979 --> 00:12:38,698 But when you're on my set, you clean it up, mister. 227 00:12:39,099 --> 00:12:40,373 I told you he was a risk. 228 00:12:40,539 --> 00:12:43,258 Oh, like he's not just carrying you, and has been for years. 229 00:12:43,419 --> 00:12:46,411 Yeah, well, you bombed. That story stunk worse than these chairs. 230 00:12:47,219 --> 00:12:49,813 Smile, everyone. We're back. 231 00:12:52,379 --> 00:12:54,290 - You wanted to see me, Elaine? - Yes, Lou. 232 00:12:55,219 --> 00:12:57,335 You've got a lot going for you. 233 00:12:57,499 --> 00:13:00,172 You're spontaneous. 234 00:13:00,339 --> 00:13:02,534 You're symmetrical. 235 00:13:05,859 --> 00:13:07,258 You're very quick, aren't you? 236 00:13:08,979 --> 00:13:11,413 It's just that your: 237 00:13:11,859 --> 00:13:13,178 My dead tooth? 238 00:13:14,179 --> 00:13:16,056 No. 239 00:13:16,459 --> 00:13:18,097 Your: 240 00:13:20,419 --> 00:13:21,454 What, my breath? 241 00:13:23,179 --> 00:13:24,134 What can I do? 242 00:13:24,299 --> 00:13:28,611 Well, you should never, ever go anywhere without these. 243 00:13:28,779 --> 00:13:31,339 Thanks, Elaine. You're such a super lady. 244 00:13:41,499 --> 00:13:43,535 More wine and turkey? 245 00:13:44,819 --> 00:13:49,097 So when I saw George with an 18-pound turkey and a box of wine... 246 00:13:49,259 --> 00:13:51,978 ...I thought, "What a coincidence, we're just about to eat." 247 00:13:52,419 --> 00:13:54,887 What is that stuff in turkey that makes you sleepy? 248 00:13:55,059 --> 00:13:56,174 - Tryptophan. - Tryptophan. 249 00:13:57,379 --> 00:13:58,528 I think. 250 00:13:58,699 --> 00:14:00,690 Have some more wine. 251 00:14:00,899 --> 00:14:02,252 What video did you get? 252 00:14:02,419 --> 00:14:06,458 Oh, George brought home movies of his boyhood trip to Michigan. 253 00:14:07,259 --> 00:14:08,453 Four hours. 254 00:14:08,619 --> 00:14:11,087 More heavy gravy? 255 00:14:12,859 --> 00:14:16,488 Yes. Touchdown. Your turn, Jerry. 256 00:14:22,299 --> 00:14:26,690 Lately though, I've been buying the generic brand of wax beans. 257 00:14:28,059 --> 00:14:30,209 You know, I rip off the label... 258 00:14:30,379 --> 00:14:32,529 ...I can hardly tell the difference. 259 00:14:33,019 --> 00:14:35,817 We've officially bottomed out. 260 00:14:36,859 --> 00:14:39,532 - Who's our next guest? - We got no one. 261 00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:43,849 We need a new format. We should shut down and retool. 262 00:14:58,219 --> 00:15:02,212 - What about a guest host? - I'll pretend I didn't hear that. 263 00:15:04,699 --> 00:15:07,088 - Doctor, how's the squirrel? - Is he dead? 264 00:15:08,219 --> 00:15:12,417 No, fortunately the special tiny instruments arrived just in time. 265 00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:15,491 - Would you like to visit him? - Yes, he would. 266 00:15:20,859 --> 00:15:23,657 You have 30 minutes. 267 00:15:30,659 --> 00:15:32,058 So... 268 00:15:33,419 --> 00:15:34,818 ...squirrel. 269 00:15:37,019 --> 00:15:38,816 One more thing, Mr. Costanza. 270 00:15:38,979 --> 00:15:42,415 We just need to know what time you'll be picking him up tomorrow. 271 00:15:42,579 --> 00:15:43,694 What's that? 272 00:15:43,859 --> 00:15:47,738 Oh, we're discharging the squirrel. We think he'll be better off at home. 273 00:15:48,219 --> 00:15:50,608 He has no home. He's a squirrel. 274 00:15:51,699 --> 00:15:52,814 Your home, Mr. Costanza. 275 00:15:52,979 --> 00:15:55,334 Just make sure he gets his medicine six times a day... 276 00:15:55,499 --> 00:15:57,649 ...and keep his tail elevated. 277 00:16:01,059 --> 00:16:02,697 Maybe it'll be fun having a pet. 278 00:16:02,859 --> 00:16:05,168 It's not a pet. It's a wild invalid. 279 00:16:06,619 --> 00:16:08,450 And it knows that I tried to kill it. 280 00:16:08,619 --> 00:16:12,373 As soon as it gets better, it's gonna gnaw my brain out in my sleep. 281 00:16:12,939 --> 00:16:15,578 Jerry. Hey. What are you doing tomorrow? 282 00:16:15,739 --> 00:16:18,617 - I want you to come by. - What about my questionable material? 283 00:16:18,779 --> 00:16:20,929 No, we got a whole new format. Edgy, youthful. 284 00:16:21,099 --> 00:16:24,375 - Plus, we got Jim Fowler. - Jim Fowler? 285 00:16:24,539 --> 00:16:26,734 The animal guy from Wid Kingdom is coming? 286 00:16:26,899 --> 00:16:29,811 Well, I practically raised his kids. 287 00:16:30,779 --> 00:16:32,895 Perfect, a zoo guy. He takes care of animals. 288 00:16:33,059 --> 00:16:34,287 Can I bring the squirrel by? 289 00:16:34,779 --> 00:16:37,168 Two animal acts on the same show? 290 00:16:37,339 --> 00:16:39,250 Is this amateur hour? 291 00:16:39,419 --> 00:16:42,775 Look, George, I'm sorry, maybe another time, all right? 292 00:16:43,259 --> 00:16:44,248 I gotta get to Fowler. 293 00:16:44,419 --> 00:16:46,011 I know he would take this squirrel. 294 00:16:46,179 --> 00:16:48,647 - It's practically bionic. - Hey. 295 00:16:50,339 --> 00:16:51,658 Nice sidle, huh? 296 00:16:51,819 --> 00:16:55,368 Speaking of which, I think I've got that problem solved. 297 00:16:55,539 --> 00:16:56,528 Tic Tacs work? 298 00:16:56,699 --> 00:16:58,929 He's a human maraca. 299 00:16:59,939 --> 00:17:02,533 Boy, my knuckles are still cramped from that football game. 300 00:17:02,699 --> 00:17:04,530 You took him over to Celia's? 301 00:17:04,699 --> 00:17:06,212 What? It's a victimless crime. 302 00:17:06,739 --> 00:17:09,936 What about the woman who's been drugged and taken advantage of? 303 00:17:10,099 --> 00:17:11,851 Okay, one victim. 304 00:17:12,419 --> 00:17:14,057 I think it's unconscionable. 305 00:17:14,219 --> 00:17:17,609 Last night, I found a whole Weeble village behind the Easy-Bake Oven. 306 00:17:17,779 --> 00:17:18,768 Easy-Bake Oven? 307 00:17:20,219 --> 00:17:21,971 Who wants a cupcake? 308 00:17:22,139 --> 00:17:23,333 Me, me, me, me, me. 309 00:17:24,299 --> 00:17:26,688 You know that batter is like 30 years old. 310 00:17:26,859 --> 00:17:28,497 You step on it and it fushes. 311 00:17:28,659 --> 00:17:31,810 Why is your father giving a tour of a rest stop? 312 00:17:31,979 --> 00:17:35,210 - Stop squirming. - Don't. This is where they change me. 313 00:17:35,379 --> 00:17:36,971 - You're like 8 years old. - Georgie. 314 00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:39,494 I was 7 and a half. 315 00:17:45,379 --> 00:17:46,778 That noise. 316 00:17:46,939 --> 00:17:49,169 - That's the noise. - What? 317 00:17:49,339 --> 00:17:51,455 That infernal rattling that has plagued me... 318 00:17:51,619 --> 00:17:54,497 ...these past two days, and I could not find the source. 319 00:17:54,659 --> 00:17:57,048 In my office, in the hallway... 320 00:17:57,219 --> 00:18:00,211 ... even in the men's room. Shame on you, Elaine. 321 00:18:00,379 --> 00:18:02,256 No, no, Mr. Peterman. That wasn't me. 322 00:18:02,419 --> 00:18:05,650 That reminds me of the Haitian voodoo rattle torture. 323 00:18:07,019 --> 00:18:09,135 You haven't gone over to their side, have you? 324 00:18:09,899 --> 00:18:11,332 No, Mr. Peterman. 325 00:18:11,499 --> 00:18:15,970 Because if I hear one more rattle, just one, you're out on your can. 326 00:18:17,419 --> 00:18:19,614 And if you are undead... 327 00:18:19,779 --> 00:18:22,612 ...l'll find out about that too. 328 00:18:37,019 --> 00:18:39,010 Lou. In here. 329 00:18:39,579 --> 00:18:40,568 We have to talk. 330 00:18:40,739 --> 00:18:42,616 - Oh, right. - Stop it. 331 00:18:42,779 --> 00:18:43,973 Bad voodoo. 332 00:18:44,139 --> 00:18:46,448 - You've gotta stop using these. - Why? 333 00:18:46,859 --> 00:18:48,850 Because they're turning your teeth green. 334 00:18:49,019 --> 00:18:50,691 I only buy the white ones. 335 00:18:51,419 --> 00:18:54,889 Okay. Well, then your teeth are green for a different reason. 336 00:18:55,059 --> 00:18:57,573 You gotta stop carrying these, okay? Just use mouthwash. 337 00:18:57,739 --> 00:19:00,207 I can't. It burns my cankers. 338 00:19:01,059 --> 00:19:02,048 Binaca. 339 00:19:02,219 --> 00:19:04,733 - Again. - Right, right, cankers. 340 00:19:04,899 --> 00:19:07,254 - I got it. Chew gum. - I hate gum. 341 00:19:07,419 --> 00:19:10,217 The only gum I liked came with the Mickey Mouse gumball machine. 342 00:19:10,379 --> 00:19:12,176 They stopped making that 20 years ago. 343 00:19:13,019 --> 00:19:15,249 Well, stinky, this is your lucky day. 344 00:19:18,259 --> 00:19:22,298 Okay, a little later we're gonna be talking with animal expert, Jim Fowler. 345 00:19:22,459 --> 00:19:24,336 Where are the cameras? 346 00:19:25,299 --> 00:19:28,132 But first, we're talking with Jerry. 347 00:19:29,419 --> 00:19:31,091 Hey, Jerry... 348 00:19:31,259 --> 00:19:35,730 ...you drugged a woman in order to play with her toy collection. 349 00:19:35,899 --> 00:19:37,491 How do you feel about that? 350 00:19:37,659 --> 00:19:40,537 It was great. I've done it a few more times since then. 351 00:19:40,699 --> 00:19:43,167 And she doesn't know anything about this? 352 00:19:43,339 --> 00:19:44,533 No. Not a thing. 353 00:19:44,699 --> 00:19:48,692 Well, Jerry, we have a little surprise for you. Come on out, Celia. 354 00:19:49,179 --> 00:19:51,739 What kind of sick, twisted creep are you? 355 00:19:54,939 --> 00:19:56,850 What is this? What is she doing here? 356 00:19:57,019 --> 00:19:59,817 What? It's the new format. Scandals and animals. 357 00:19:59,979 --> 00:20:03,813 If you think you can drug me and play, you've got another thing coming. 358 00:20:03,979 --> 00:20:05,731 Go, girl. 359 00:20:05,899 --> 00:20:09,289 Well, what kind of woman drinks an entire box of wine? 360 00:20:11,419 --> 00:20:15,492 Mr. Fowler, I have a squirrel here that is a miracle of modern science. 361 00:20:15,659 --> 00:20:17,012 I told you, we're booked. 362 00:20:17,179 --> 00:20:19,739 Careful. Hawks and squirrels don't get along together. 363 00:20:20,059 --> 00:20:23,256 Another interesting confrontation. This could be spicy, bring him over. 364 00:20:23,899 --> 00:20:25,810 No, you idiot. Hawks eat squirrels. 365 00:20:35,419 --> 00:20:37,250 Are we getting this? 366 00:20:40,699 --> 00:20:42,417 So the whole set was destroyed? 367 00:20:42,579 --> 00:20:45,889 Well, the squirrel kept scurrying and the hawk kept clawing. 368 00:20:46,059 --> 00:20:49,495 Well, at least we know that prosthetic squirrel hips work. 369 00:20:50,099 --> 00:20:51,771 Sorry about the set. 370 00:20:51,939 --> 00:20:55,170 I'll tell you, it was a grind having to fill 10 hours a day. 371 00:20:55,339 --> 00:20:58,729 I'm not sure I was ready to have my own talk-show set. 372 00:21:00,219 --> 00:21:02,779 I got the nut bread, George. Let's go. 373 00:21:04,059 --> 00:21:05,458 So the squirrel's gonna make it? 374 00:21:05,619 --> 00:21:07,689 Yeah, he's in my bed. 375 00:21:08,219 --> 00:21:09,777 I'm sleeping on the couch. 376 00:21:09,939 --> 00:21:11,816 On the couch? So you're... 377 00:21:11,979 --> 00:21:13,094 Still getting nothing. 378 00:21:16,539 --> 00:21:20,009 Oh, go ahead, pigeons. Laugh it up. 379 00:21:20,339 --> 00:21:25,254 I'm getting in my car now, and the last I heard, we have no deal. 380 00:21:26,059 --> 00:21:29,335 I'm glad you called, Elaine. I really needed to talk to someone. 381 00:21:29,499 --> 00:21:33,333 Oh, well, hey, I dated Jerry too. I know what a monster he can be. 382 00:21:33,499 --> 00:21:35,171 More wine and turkey? 383 00:21:36,699 --> 00:21:38,576 - Who's he? - Oh, he's nobody. 384 00:21:38,739 --> 00:21:41,776 Hey, listen, let me top that off for you.