1 00:00:03,735 --> 00:00:05,168 So you're saying UNICEF is a scam? 2 00:00:05,335 --> 00:00:07,849 It's the perfect cover for a money- laundering operation. 3 00:00:08,015 --> 00:00:09,926 No one could keep track of all those kids... 4 00:00:10,095 --> 00:00:12,290 ...with those little orange boxes of change. 5 00:00:12,455 --> 00:00:14,889 Oh, no. It's Sally Weaver. 6 00:00:15,055 --> 00:00:17,285 Oh, yeah, your old college roommate, huh? 7 00:00:17,455 --> 00:00:20,094 No, it's Susan Ross' old college roommate. 8 00:00:20,255 --> 00:00:23,133 She moved to New York. She's trying to become an actress. 9 00:00:23,295 --> 00:00:24,410 Dramatic or comedic? 10 00:00:24,575 --> 00:00:26,930 Untalented. She's always inviting me to see her... 11 00:00:27,095 --> 00:00:29,734 ...in some bad play in a tiny room without ventilation. 12 00:00:29,895 --> 00:00:31,169 It's really depressing. 13 00:00:31,335 --> 00:00:33,291 Well, we don't go to enough theatre. 14 00:00:33,455 --> 00:00:36,015 She should just give up. 15 00:00:36,815 --> 00:00:38,294 - Hey. - Hey there... 16 00:00:38,455 --> 00:00:40,650 ...Mr. Too-Big-to-Come- to-My-Shows. 17 00:00:40,815 --> 00:00:43,283 I just came from tap. I'm all: 18 00:00:43,455 --> 00:00:46,492 I'm on my way to an audition, still looking for that big break. 19 00:00:46,655 --> 00:00:49,044 Why don't you just give up? 20 00:00:49,535 --> 00:00:50,570 Kramer. 21 00:00:50,735 --> 00:00:52,532 Well, that's what Jerry says. 22 00:00:54,335 --> 00:00:57,133 Oh, now, face it. If it hasn't happened, it's not gonna happen. 23 00:00:57,295 --> 00:01:01,447 All right. Okay, I'll go grab us a booth. Join us? 24 00:01:05,135 --> 00:01:07,888 So Susan's dead. 25 00:01:16,135 --> 00:01:18,365 Well, I think she was happy someone finally said it. 26 00:01:18,535 --> 00:01:20,526 Why did you have to say anything to her? 27 00:01:20,695 --> 00:01:23,414 Well, I felt the conversation was lagging. 28 00:01:23,575 --> 00:01:26,089 Why can't you ever just keep your big mouth shut? 29 00:01:26,935 --> 00:01:28,687 I come in here to have a pleasant meal... 30 00:01:28,855 --> 00:01:32,086 ...and if we're not gonna have one, I'll grab a bite to eat at your place. 31 00:01:35,415 --> 00:01:36,894 You know, maybe Kramer was right. 32 00:01:37,055 --> 00:01:38,886 Some people should just give up. I have. 33 00:01:39,055 --> 00:01:41,091 - What did you wanna be? - I don't remember... 34 00:01:41,255 --> 00:01:43,530 ...but it certainly wasn't this. 35 00:01:44,615 --> 00:01:46,367 Look at this cartoon in The New York er. 36 00:01:46,535 --> 00:01:48,730 - I don't get this. - Me neither. 37 00:01:48,895 --> 00:01:51,090 And you're on the fringe of the humour business. 38 00:01:51,975 --> 00:01:53,203 Hey. 39 00:01:53,375 --> 00:01:55,331 Hey, George, look at this. 40 00:01:56,015 --> 00:01:57,289 - That's cute. - You get it? 41 00:01:58,215 --> 00:01:59,728 No, never mind. 42 00:02:00,695 --> 00:02:03,050 Come on. We're two intelligent people here. 43 00:02:03,215 --> 00:02:04,648 We can figure this out. 44 00:02:07,495 --> 00:02:10,293 Now, we got a dog and a cat in an office. 45 00:02:10,455 --> 00:02:14,164 It looks like my accountant's office. There's no pets working there. 46 00:02:14,655 --> 00:02:17,806 The cat is saying, " I've enjoyed reading your e- mail." 47 00:02:17,975 --> 00:02:20,205 It's got something to do with that 42 in the corner. 48 00:02:20,375 --> 00:02:22,331 That's a page number. 49 00:02:23,695 --> 00:02:25,526 Well, I can't crack this one. 50 00:02:25,695 --> 00:02:27,287 Oh, this has gotta be a mistake. 51 00:02:27,455 --> 00:02:28,683 Well, try shaking it. 52 00:02:31,935 --> 00:02:34,324 Well, Janet should be here any minute. 53 00:02:34,495 --> 00:02:36,611 You've been hiding her. You must really like her. 54 00:02:36,775 --> 00:02:39,130 Jerry, the minute I saw this girl, we just clicked. 55 00:02:39,295 --> 00:02:41,684 She's got such a nice face. 56 00:02:41,855 --> 00:02:44,085 Her eyes, her mouth, nose. 57 00:02:44,255 --> 00:02:45,973 We know what a face consists of. 58 00:02:47,295 --> 00:02:49,172 I'm sorry I'm late. 59 00:02:49,335 --> 00:02:52,133 Jerry, Elaine, I give you Janet. 60 00:02:52,295 --> 00:02:53,284 - Nice to meet you. - Hi. 61 00:02:53,455 --> 00:02:55,571 Hi. Do we still have time to make the movie? 62 00:02:55,735 --> 00:02:56,963 Oh, yeah. 63 00:02:57,135 --> 00:03:00,172 We just can't go to the supermarket to get some candy. 64 00:03:08,015 --> 00:03:11,371 Jerry, she looks exactly like you. 65 00:03:11,535 --> 00:03:12,809 She does not. 66 00:03:13,815 --> 00:03:16,124 You know, maybe she doesn't. I don't care. 67 00:03:18,935 --> 00:03:21,529 - Hey, Kramer. - Well, hey. You got some messages. 68 00:03:21,695 --> 00:03:24,971 Yeah. George, George, Elaine. George again. 69 00:03:25,135 --> 00:03:28,207 Elaine. Newman. But that was a crank call. 70 00:03:28,815 --> 00:03:31,693 Yeah, and some Sally woman called, says, "Thanks a lot." 71 00:03:31,855 --> 00:03:34,574 Yeah, she's quitting the business. You ruined her life. 72 00:03:35,055 --> 00:03:37,523 What? You're the one who ruined her life. 73 00:03:37,695 --> 00:03:40,050 Well, that's not how she remembers it. 74 00:03:40,215 --> 00:03:41,967 Well, I gotta talk her out of this. 75 00:03:42,135 --> 00:03:43,853 I thought you said she stinks. 76 00:03:44,015 --> 00:03:47,052 She does stink. And she should quit. 77 00:03:47,215 --> 00:03:48,967 But I don't want it to be because of me. 78 00:03:49,135 --> 00:03:50,693 It should be the traditional route. 79 00:03:50,855 --> 00:03:52,368 Years of rejection and failure... 80 00:03:52,535 --> 00:03:55,368 ...until she's spit out the bottom of the porn industry. 81 00:03:58,135 --> 00:04:00,330 - Yeah. - Hey, George and Janet. 82 00:04:00,495 --> 00:04:03,293 - Oh, who's Janet, huh? - George's girlfriend. 83 00:04:03,455 --> 00:04:05,286 Elaine thinks she looks like me... 84 00:04:05,455 --> 00:04:07,889 ...but I think it's, as you would say, kooky talk. 85 00:04:08,455 --> 00:04:10,730 You know what woman I always thought you looked like? 86 00:04:10,895 --> 00:04:12,806 Lena Horne. 87 00:04:15,055 --> 00:04:16,613 - Hey. Hey. - Hey, George. 88 00:04:16,775 --> 00:04:18,891 And you must look exactly like Jerry. 89 00:04:21,175 --> 00:04:23,894 You don't see this? Oh, you're like twins. 90 00:04:24,495 --> 00:04:25,974 This is eerie. 91 00:04:27,255 --> 00:04:29,610 Kramer, what are you talking about? 92 00:04:29,775 --> 00:04:31,686 Janet doesn't look anything like Jerry. 93 00:04:31,855 --> 00:04:33,652 Maybe we do look a little like each other. 94 00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:36,966 No, what do you know about what you look like? 95 00:04:37,335 --> 00:04:39,895 Come on, George. Relax. Just because they look alike... 96 00:04:40,055 --> 00:04:42,967 ...that doesn't mean you're secretly in love with Jerry. 97 00:04:45,335 --> 00:04:47,007 All right, we're going now. Bye- bye. 98 00:04:47,175 --> 00:04:50,850 - We just got here, George. - Well, it's getting dark. 99 00:04:53,335 --> 00:04:56,372 Yeah, she's a nice girl, kind of quiet, though. 100 00:04:56,535 --> 00:04:58,253 What are you doing? 101 00:04:58,415 --> 00:05:00,531 Don't tell a woman she looks like a man. 102 00:05:00,695 --> 00:05:04,244 George doesn't wanna hear his girlfriend looks like me, neither do I. 103 00:05:04,815 --> 00:05:07,568 Well, how should I have broached the subject? 104 00:05:07,735 --> 00:05:11,045 You don't broach. You keep your mouth shut. 105 00:05:11,215 --> 00:05:13,126 Well, sounds like someone's having a bad day. 106 00:05:13,295 --> 00:05:14,808 Yeah, because of you. 107 00:05:14,975 --> 00:05:17,933 Well, then I think one of us should leave. 108 00:05:29,255 --> 00:05:30,927 Sally, you can't quit the business. 109 00:05:31,095 --> 00:05:32,369 This is all because of me? 110 00:05:33,935 --> 00:05:37,371 You can't give up. You don't think people tell me I stink? 111 00:05:37,535 --> 00:05:39,287 When I'm on-stage that's all I hear. 112 00:05:39,455 --> 00:05:42,413 "You stink. You suck. We like magic." 113 00:05:43,535 --> 00:05:45,173 - Really? - Of course. 114 00:05:45,335 --> 00:05:49,044 I stink. You stink. It's show biz. Everybody stinks. 115 00:05:49,615 --> 00:05:52,004 Yeah, you've been stinking since the '80s. 116 00:05:52,175 --> 00:05:53,972 All right, I think we've covered my act. 117 00:05:54,135 --> 00:05:56,695 Now, you get out there and stink it up with everybody else. 118 00:05:56,855 --> 00:06:00,643 All right. Yes. Thank you. I'm gonna do it. 119 00:06:02,735 --> 00:06:04,453 Now. 120 00:06:07,855 --> 00:06:11,734 Well, I've asked everyone at work and no one gets this cartoon. 121 00:06:11,895 --> 00:06:15,126 I don't understand why, but I am gonna get to the bottom of this. 122 00:06:15,295 --> 00:06:17,286 Oh, I think we're at the bottom. 123 00:06:19,215 --> 00:06:21,365 Hey, George. Janet seems really nice. 124 00:06:22,295 --> 00:06:26,368 And she's quite a handsome woman. 125 00:06:28,575 --> 00:06:30,691 - What does that mean? - Yeah, what does that mean? 126 00:06:30,855 --> 00:06:32,573 What do you mean by that? 127 00:06:32,735 --> 00:06:34,453 Enjoy. 128 00:06:38,095 --> 00:06:42,088 - Elaine, huh? She's completely... - Oh, I know. 129 00:06:42,815 --> 00:06:46,251 - Because you don't think Janet... - No. 130 00:06:46,615 --> 00:06:47,968 - Why would I? - It's ludicrous. 131 00:06:48,135 --> 00:06:49,124 Yes. 132 00:06:49,295 --> 00:06:50,284 - Neither one of us. - No. 133 00:06:50,455 --> 00:06:52,286 - So. - Exactly. 134 00:06:53,375 --> 00:06:54,808 I'm not gay. 135 00:06:57,695 --> 00:06:59,253 Neither am I. 136 00:07:02,015 --> 00:07:04,609 - Kramer, get in here. - Kramer. Kramer. 137 00:07:04,775 --> 00:07:07,414 - Where's that crazy man? Come on. - Kramer, come on in here. 138 00:07:07,575 --> 00:07:09,167 - Come in. - Kramer, what are you doing? 139 00:07:09,335 --> 00:07:11,291 - Come in. - Right over here. 140 00:07:11,535 --> 00:07:13,446 What are you doing? Come and talk to us. 141 00:07:15,175 --> 00:07:16,813 I've made an important life decision. 142 00:07:16,975 --> 00:07:19,694 - Let's talk about that. - Don't leave. 143 00:07:20,375 --> 00:07:24,687 All right. I know I've been kind of shooting off at the mouth lately. 144 00:07:24,855 --> 00:07:28,564 First, with that girl whose life you destroyed... 145 00:07:28,735 --> 00:07:31,249 ...and then about George dating a lady Jerry. 146 00:07:32,015 --> 00:07:33,368 What's the decision? 147 00:07:33,535 --> 00:07:35,571 I know you want me to keep my big mouth shut. 148 00:07:35,735 --> 00:07:37,453 Well, that's exactly what I'm gonna do. 149 00:07:37,615 --> 00:07:40,004 - I'm never gonna talk again. - Yeah, right. 150 00:07:40,175 --> 00:07:43,485 What do I need to talk for, huh? What, to blab to the neighbours... 151 00:07:43,655 --> 00:07:46,852 ...about how George has a new femme- Jerry friend? 152 00:07:47,015 --> 00:07:50,246 Or to tell everybody at the coffee shop how George is all mixed up... 153 00:07:50,415 --> 00:07:53,964 ...in a perverse sexual amalgam of some girl and his best friend? 154 00:07:55,855 --> 00:07:57,925 See, now, I've done all that. 155 00:07:58,095 --> 00:07:59,926 Now it's time for silence. 156 00:08:00,095 --> 00:08:02,655 Silence? Yes. 157 00:08:02,975 --> 00:08:05,409 You're never gonna be able to completely stop talking. 158 00:08:05,575 --> 00:08:08,885 Jerry, 94 percent of communication is nonverbal. 159 00:08:09,055 --> 00:08:10,807 Here, watch. 160 00:08:13,095 --> 00:08:15,211 What? What are you talking about? 161 00:08:19,895 --> 00:08:21,328 Well, what does this mean? 162 00:08:21,495 --> 00:08:23,406 Well, it's Frank and Estelle's reaction... 163 00:08:23,575 --> 00:08:26,328 ...to hearing about George's man love for a she- Jerry. 164 00:08:27,135 --> 00:08:31,890 - Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. - That's the idea. 165 00:08:32,055 --> 00:08:34,285 Kramer, there's no way you stick to this. 166 00:08:35,415 --> 00:08:37,929 - Oh, you're gonna start now? - That's right. 167 00:08:38,415 --> 00:08:40,167 Right now. 168 00:08:41,775 --> 00:08:43,527 That hurts. 169 00:08:43,975 --> 00:08:45,454 Now. 170 00:08:48,175 --> 00:08:50,973 So J. Peterman wants to hire some of our cartoonists... 171 00:08:51,135 --> 00:08:53,365 ...to illustrate your catalogue? 172 00:08:53,535 --> 00:08:56,732 Well, we're hoping that if, perhaps the catalogue is a little funnier... 173 00:08:56,895 --> 00:09:00,171 ...people won't be so quick to return the clothes. 174 00:09:01,935 --> 00:09:04,654 For example, you know, I really do... 175 00:09:04,815 --> 00:09:06,931 Well, I love this one. 176 00:09:07,095 --> 00:09:10,167 Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's a rather clever jab... 177 00:09:10,335 --> 00:09:12,246 ...at inter- office politics, don't you think? 178 00:09:13,575 --> 00:09:15,008 Yeah. 179 00:09:18,175 --> 00:09:22,134 But why is it that the animals enjoy reading the e- mail? 180 00:09:22,295 --> 00:09:23,489 Well, Miss Benes... 181 00:09:23,655 --> 00:09:28,683 ...cartoons are like gossamer and one doesn't dissect gossamer. 182 00:09:28,855 --> 00:09:31,289 Well, you don't have to dissect it... 183 00:09:31,455 --> 00:09:35,368 ...if you could just tell me why this is supposed to be funny. 184 00:09:35,535 --> 00:09:39,414 Oh, it's merely a commentary on contemporary mores. 185 00:09:40,495 --> 00:09:43,248 But what is the comment? 186 00:09:44,695 --> 00:09:46,925 - It's a slice of life. - No, it isn't. 187 00:09:47,095 --> 00:09:48,813 - A pun? - I don't think so. 188 00:09:48,975 --> 00:09:50,249 Vorshtein? 189 00:09:51,295 --> 00:09:52,648 That's not a word. 190 00:09:53,935 --> 00:09:55,891 - You have no idea what this means. - No. 191 00:09:56,055 --> 00:09:59,127 - Then why did you print it? - I like the kitty. 192 00:09:59,575 --> 00:10:02,647 You know what? You people should be ashamed of yourselves. 193 00:10:02,815 --> 00:10:05,932 You know, you doodle a couple of bears at a cocktail party... 194 00:10:06,095 --> 00:10:09,212 ...talking about the stock market, you think you're doing comedy. 195 00:10:09,655 --> 00:10:11,293 Actually, that's not bad. 196 00:10:11,895 --> 00:10:16,650 Oh, really? Oh, yes. Well, you know, I have others. 197 00:10:19,495 --> 00:10:22,134 Sally, I can't believe you're already doing a one- woman show. 198 00:10:22,295 --> 00:10:24,411 No, it's just a little performance piece I wrote. 199 00:10:24,575 --> 00:10:28,409 But you know what? You really inspired me, okay, a tear. 200 00:10:30,455 --> 00:10:32,093 Hey, there you are. 201 00:10:33,455 --> 00:10:36,527 Oh, right. Cone of silence. How's that going? 202 00:10:42,775 --> 00:10:44,003 Thank you. 203 00:10:44,175 --> 00:10:46,086 Hi. I think you're really gonna like this... 204 00:10:46,255 --> 00:10:49,133 ...because it's about me. Well, all right, it's not just about me. 205 00:10:49,295 --> 00:10:52,048 It's about me, and this guy, Jerry Seinfeld... 206 00:10:53,935 --> 00:10:55,766 ...who I like to call the devil. 207 00:10:56,495 --> 00:10:57,484 Okay, okay. 208 00:10:57,655 --> 00:11:01,011 So I run into this Jerry on the street and then he says to me: 209 00:11:01,175 --> 00:11:03,735 "Hey, Sally, you stink. You should give up acting." 210 00:11:03,895 --> 00:11:06,932 Oh, I'm doing Jerry now, okay? So you have to imagine I have horns... 211 00:11:07,095 --> 00:11:09,609 ...a tail and hooves instead of feet. 212 00:11:10,055 --> 00:11:12,046 You know what I mean, that guy? 213 00:11:13,295 --> 00:11:15,206 Oh, shut up. 214 00:11:19,015 --> 00:11:21,768 She does a full hour about how you're the devil? 215 00:11:21,935 --> 00:11:23,209 I gotta go see this thing. 216 00:11:23,375 --> 00:11:25,935 Good luck. It's sold out for the next three weeks. 217 00:11:26,855 --> 00:11:31,849 Well, I bet I can get in, once I mention I'm from The New York er. 218 00:11:32,015 --> 00:11:34,734 - The New York er? - Yes. The New York er. 219 00:11:34,895 --> 00:11:36,613 I met with their cartoon editor... 220 00:11:36,775 --> 00:11:41,610 ...and I got him to admit that that cartoon made no sense. 221 00:11:42,095 --> 00:11:44,484 Wow, good work, Nancy Drew. 222 00:11:45,775 --> 00:11:47,413 So we ended up going out to lunch... 223 00:11:47,575 --> 00:11:50,135 ...and he had some great gossip about James Thurber. 224 00:11:50,295 --> 00:11:51,694 Nodding off. 225 00:11:51,855 --> 00:11:55,848 And he said I could submit some of my own cartoons. 226 00:11:56,015 --> 00:11:59,564 Wow, that's incredible, but you don't draw. 227 00:12:00,135 --> 00:12:02,888 - I do too. - What, your sad little horsies? 228 00:12:03,255 --> 00:12:05,325 The house with the little curl of smoke. 229 00:12:05,495 --> 00:12:07,725 The sunflower with the smiley face. 230 00:12:07,895 --> 00:12:09,613 The transparent cube. 231 00:12:10,295 --> 00:12:13,332 It's better than your drawings of naked Lois Lane. 232 00:12:13,495 --> 00:12:17,090 Where did you see that? Those are private. 233 00:12:19,775 --> 00:12:21,174 Jerry, sorry I'm late. 234 00:12:21,335 --> 00:12:24,133 Channel Nine is doing a piece on my show, isn't that great? 235 00:12:24,295 --> 00:12:27,571 - Do you hate me? - No, no, I thought the show was terrific. 236 00:12:27,735 --> 00:12:29,885 I was just wondering if you have to keep saying... 237 00:12:30,055 --> 00:12:31,932 ...Jerry Seinfeld is the devil. 238 00:12:32,895 --> 00:12:34,487 Well, that is the title. 239 00:12:35,415 --> 00:12:39,203 I know, but I thought maybe you could mention how I apologised... 240 00:12:39,375 --> 00:12:41,809 ...and encouraged you to stick with it? 241 00:12:41,975 --> 00:12:45,445 You know, I workshopped that and snoozers. 242 00:12:46,415 --> 00:12:50,613 But I'll tell you what, I'll tinker. It's all a journey. 243 00:12:51,215 --> 00:12:53,285 Thanks. You got a little schmutz there. 244 00:12:54,415 --> 00:12:58,249 Excuse me, Miss Weaver? Oh, my God, it is you. 245 00:12:58,415 --> 00:13:00,167 I've seen your show six times. 246 00:13:01,215 --> 00:13:03,092 What a surprise. 247 00:13:03,255 --> 00:13:04,654 You're great. It's great. 248 00:13:04,815 --> 00:13:08,091 It's so great to see a show that's about something. 249 00:13:12,815 --> 00:13:14,248 Where to? 250 00:13:25,135 --> 00:13:26,727 My friends are idiots. 251 00:13:26,895 --> 00:13:30,126 She doesn't look lik e Jerry. She doesn't look lik e anybody. 252 00:13:31,695 --> 00:13:33,447 And so what if she does look lik e Jerry? 253 00:13:33,615 --> 00:13:34,604 What does that mean? 254 00:13:34,775 --> 00:13:36,686 That I'd have everything I have with Jerry... 255 00:13:36,855 --> 00:13:40,165 ... but because it's a woman I could also have sex with her? 256 00:13:40,335 --> 00:13:44,169 And that somehow, that would be exactly what I always wanted? 257 00:13:46,575 --> 00:13:48,645 She doesn't even look lik e Jerry. 258 00:13:48,815 --> 00:13:50,726 I really do look like your friend Jerry. 259 00:13:50,895 --> 00:13:52,248 I know. 260 00:13:56,735 --> 00:13:59,852 Thanks for watching Nine News. We leave you tonight with a scene... 261 00:14:00,015 --> 00:14:01,926 ... from Sally Weaver's one-woman show. 262 00:14:02,095 --> 00:14:06,134 Okay, so, I go to meet Jerry Seinfeld at this horrible coffee shop, right? 263 00:14:06,295 --> 00:14:07,853 He's lik e, "Stop doing your show." 264 00:14:08,015 --> 00:14:10,085 And I'm lik e, "Hello, it's a free country." 265 00:14:10,255 --> 00:14:12,246 So then he goes, "Okay, schmutzie." 266 00:14:12,415 --> 00:14:14,406 Then he starts pawing at my sweater, right? 267 00:14:14,575 --> 00:14:16,247 And getting all "Hands Across America." 268 00:14:16,415 --> 00:14:18,610 There really was schmutz. I didn't try and grab her. 269 00:14:18,775 --> 00:14:21,926 And this is what he looks like when he is eating: 270 00:14:23,975 --> 00:14:26,535 Get out of my house. 271 00:14:27,415 --> 00:14:30,407 Well, boys, I did it. 272 00:14:30,575 --> 00:14:32,054 I had to stay up all night... 273 00:14:32,215 --> 00:14:35,730 ...but I finally came up with a great New York er cartoon. 274 00:14:35,895 --> 00:14:39,604 I've stayed up all night. I fix myself up a little before I go out. 275 00:14:40,815 --> 00:14:42,248 That is not the point. 276 00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:44,883 Some mouthwash, a hat, something. 277 00:14:46,495 --> 00:14:48,804 Just read it. 278 00:14:49,935 --> 00:14:51,607 Pretty good. 279 00:14:51,775 --> 00:14:52,969 Pretty good? 280 00:14:53,135 --> 00:14:55,524 Well, this is a gem. Kramer, lookit. 281 00:14:58,015 --> 00:14:59,892 What? It's funny. 282 00:15:00,055 --> 00:15:01,932 It's a pig at a complaint department. 283 00:15:02,095 --> 00:15:06,646 Yeah, and he's saying, "I wish I was taller." 284 00:15:07,575 --> 00:15:10,089 See? That's his complaint. 285 00:15:10,735 --> 00:15:12,487 - I get it. - Do you? 286 00:15:12,655 --> 00:15:15,294 Because that's not a normal complaint. 287 00:15:15,455 --> 00:15:17,286 Well, how about if it was something like: 288 00:15:17,455 --> 00:15:19,844 "I can't find my receipt. My place is a sty." 289 00:15:23,655 --> 00:15:27,534 You know, everything with you has to be so jokey. 290 00:15:27,695 --> 00:15:29,731 I'm a comedian. 291 00:15:30,335 --> 00:15:34,647 "I wish I was taller." That's nice. That's real. 292 00:15:34,815 --> 00:15:38,330 Yeah, well, I got a complaint. This cartoon stinks. 293 00:15:40,175 --> 00:15:42,245 Well, I'll tell you who doesn't think it stinks. 294 00:15:42,415 --> 00:15:45,452 The New York er. That's right. 295 00:15:45,615 --> 00:15:47,606 They're publishing it in their next issue. 296 00:15:48,495 --> 00:15:51,055 Oh, you know what? I just ran into Newman in the hall. 297 00:15:51,215 --> 00:15:53,524 He said you tried to grope Sally Weaver? 298 00:15:54,015 --> 00:15:57,849 Oh, that's it. I'm gonna put an end to this. 299 00:16:01,215 --> 00:16:04,730 "The pig says, 'My wife is a slut"'? 300 00:16:11,495 --> 00:16:13,611 Now, that's a complaint. 301 00:16:15,495 --> 00:16:18,214 Hello, this is Jerry. I just wanted to leave you a message... 302 00:16:18,375 --> 00:16:20,650 ...and let you know I caught your little piece on TV. 303 00:16:20,815 --> 00:16:23,204 I'm getting tired of hearing about how horrible I am. 304 00:16:23,375 --> 00:16:24,649 I'd really appreciate it... 305 00:16:24,815 --> 00:16:27,932 ... if you would just leave me out of your act altogether. 306 00:16:28,615 --> 00:16:31,368 Well, that's it. I'm calling in the big guns. 307 00:16:31,855 --> 00:16:36,007 "...to cease and desist, on behalf of my client, Jerry Seinfeld." 308 00:16:36,175 --> 00:16:39,212 Signed, cry-baby Jerry Seinfeld's lawyer. 309 00:16:39,375 --> 00:16:42,287 Okay. Well, I've got two words for you, Jerry Seinfeld: 310 00:16:42,455 --> 00:16:45,128 **** you. 311 00:16:47,695 --> 00:16:50,084 How could she say that on TV? 312 00:16:50,255 --> 00:16:53,327 And how did she get a cable special? I've never gotten a cable special. 313 00:16:55,295 --> 00:16:59,208 Well, that's it. I'm not giving her any more material. We are incommunicado. 314 00:17:01,255 --> 00:17:03,052 Exactly. 315 00:17:05,655 --> 00:17:08,408 Check it out. From the new issue of The New York er. 316 00:17:09,255 --> 00:17:11,894 - It's funny, isn't it? - No. 317 00:17:12,055 --> 00:17:14,569 Look at it. The pig wants to be taller. 318 00:17:14,735 --> 00:17:18,694 And what's this guy gonna say, huh? Nothing. 319 00:17:19,735 --> 00:17:23,569 Elaine, I'm afraid I have incurred yet another flat tyre. 320 00:17:23,895 --> 00:17:25,328 Can I fix that after lunch, sir? 321 00:17:25,495 --> 00:17:26,814 Oh, no, right away. Chop-chop. 322 00:17:28,135 --> 00:17:32,651 A new cartoon. "I wish I was taller." 323 00:17:35,535 --> 00:17:38,254 I'd like to see that complaint get rectified. 324 00:17:40,495 --> 00:17:42,929 You see? See? Smart people think this is funny. 325 00:17:43,095 --> 00:17:46,292 And you wanna know why? Because I wrote it. 326 00:17:46,455 --> 00:17:48,332 You shouldn't make fun of pigs. 327 00:17:50,415 --> 00:17:51,689 Flash of lightning, Elaine. 328 00:17:51,855 --> 00:17:53,925 I just realised why I like this cartoon so much. 329 00:17:54,095 --> 00:17:56,848 - Oh, do tell, sir. - It's a "Ziggy." 330 00:17:57,015 --> 00:17:58,084 A "Ziggy"? 331 00:17:58,255 --> 00:18:00,894 That irreverence. That wit. I'd recognise it anywhere. 332 00:18:01,055 --> 00:18:03,011 Some charlatan has stolen a "Ziggy"... 333 00:18:03,175 --> 00:18:06,451 ...and passed it off as his own and I can prove it. 334 00:18:06,615 --> 00:18:09,288 Quick, Elaine, to my archives. 335 00:18:15,575 --> 00:18:18,089 You know what's great about our relationship? 336 00:18:18,255 --> 00:18:20,485 - It's not about looks. - It's not? 337 00:18:20,655 --> 00:18:22,088 No, it can't be. 338 00:18:22,575 --> 00:18:23,610 Okay. 339 00:18:24,015 --> 00:18:26,085 For instance, I remember when we first met... 340 00:18:26,255 --> 00:18:29,292 ...we had a great conversation. 341 00:18:29,455 --> 00:18:32,492 I remember you said I was the prettiest girl at the party. 342 00:18:33,775 --> 00:18:36,812 But then after that we really talked, didn't we? 343 00:18:36,975 --> 00:18:38,772 Well, you told me how familiar I looked... 344 00:18:38,935 --> 00:18:41,768 ...and that you must have seen me somewhere before. 345 00:18:44,615 --> 00:18:47,732 This relationship, it's got to be about something. 346 00:18:47,895 --> 00:18:52,446 And fast, or I am in very serious and weird trouble. 347 00:18:53,015 --> 00:18:55,483 - What else happened? - You asked for a piece of gum... 348 00:18:55,655 --> 00:18:58,488 ...because you thought your breath smelled like hummus. 349 00:18:59,015 --> 00:19:01,245 All right. Yes. Gum. 350 00:19:01,415 --> 00:19:02,894 Good enough. I'll take it. 351 00:19:03,055 --> 00:19:04,852 - I like gum. - I do too. 352 00:19:05,015 --> 00:19:06,687 You see, that's what we're about. 353 00:19:06,855 --> 00:19:10,894 You don't remind me of anyone and we love gum. 354 00:19:11,055 --> 00:19:14,491 - I have gum in my hair. - I'm losing it. 355 00:19:20,135 --> 00:19:22,933 Hey, you're Jerry's friend. You're kooky. Mind if I sit? 356 00:19:23,095 --> 00:19:25,006 My show is going well. Have you seen it yet? 357 00:19:25,175 --> 00:19:26,972 You should. Everybody else in town has. 358 00:19:27,135 --> 00:19:28,648 I got recognised the other day. 359 00:19:28,815 --> 00:19:31,329 How weird is that? I know. At first I liked the attention. 360 00:19:31,495 --> 00:19:34,851 But after a while it's like, "Whoa, take three steps back. Get a life," okay? 361 00:19:35,015 --> 00:19:37,324 There wouldn't be a Sally Weaver without the fans. 362 00:19:37,495 --> 00:19:40,134 But who am I, anyway? I mean, there's Sally Weaver the woman. 363 00:19:40,295 --> 00:19:43,844 - Sally Weaver the artist. Sally Weaver... - You know, you've gotta shut up. 364 00:19:46,455 --> 00:19:49,288 I'm sorry. I haven't spoken in days. 365 00:19:49,455 --> 00:19:52,208 Well, lay it on me, string bean. 366 00:19:52,895 --> 00:19:56,524 Let me get this gum out of my hair and then I'll be ready for bed. 367 00:19:56,695 --> 00:19:59,528 Okay, look, the gum isn't cutting it for me. 368 00:19:59,695 --> 00:20:04,644 We need to be about something else. Anything. Please. 369 00:20:05,615 --> 00:20:06,934 George. 370 00:20:09,015 --> 00:20:11,529 - Your hair. - Well, I had to cut the gum out... 371 00:20:11,695 --> 00:20:14,368 ...and I had a little trouble getting it even. 372 00:20:14,735 --> 00:20:16,646 So why don't you get undressed, George? 373 00:20:18,775 --> 00:20:21,335 George is in weird trouble. 374 00:20:24,815 --> 00:20:26,567 You ripped off a "Ziggy"? 375 00:20:26,735 --> 00:20:29,488 It must have seeped into my subconscious. 376 00:20:29,655 --> 00:20:32,328 Puddy has "Ziggy" bed sheets. 377 00:20:33,415 --> 00:20:36,168 Did you read the comics today? 378 00:20:36,335 --> 00:20:39,247 Oh, I see Ziggy's back at the complaint department. 379 00:20:39,415 --> 00:20:42,407 "The New York er is stealing my ideas." 380 00:20:43,135 --> 00:20:44,488 See, that's funny... 381 00:20:45,455 --> 00:20:47,093 ...because it's real. 382 00:20:47,695 --> 00:20:49,925 Hey, lookit. Sally's cable show's on. 383 00:20:50,095 --> 00:20:52,165 Hey, Kramer, come on in. You gotta watch this. 384 00:20:52,335 --> 00:20:54,451 This'll be funny. Now she's got nothing. 385 00:20:54,615 --> 00:20:58,130 Master of evil, Jerry Seinfeld, brok e off all contact with me. 386 00:20:58,295 --> 00:21:00,968 That's right, sister. Why don't you just give up? 387 00:21:01,135 --> 00:21:03,410 Why are you yelling at the TV? 388 00:21:03,575 --> 00:21:06,726 Okay, get this. I heard he mak es his best friend date women... 389 00:21:06,895 --> 00:21:08,328 ... who look just lik e him. 390 00:21:08,895 --> 00:21:10,328 Hello? Issues. 391 00:21:10,495 --> 00:21:12,133 Elaine, have you been talking to her? 392 00:21:12,295 --> 00:21:14,013 Hey, I'm just a fan. 393 00:21:14,175 --> 00:21:15,449 Oh, and speaking of issues... 394 00:21:15,615 --> 00:21:17,333 ... guess who got a no-polish manicure... 395 00:21:17,495 --> 00:21:20,567 ... and begged his neighbour not to tell anyone. 396 00:21:23,215 --> 00:21:25,331 I thought you stopped talking. 397 00:21:25,495 --> 00:21:27,929 All right, starting now. 398 00:21:35,575 --> 00:21:37,611 You broke up with her because she cut her hair? 399 00:21:37,775 --> 00:21:38,890 How short? 400 00:21:39,495 --> 00:21:40,484 Like that. 401 00:21:41,815 --> 00:21:43,931 - You mean like...? - That. 402 00:21:44,975 --> 00:21:46,488 - So she... - Yes. 403 00:21:46,655 --> 00:21:47,644 - And you don't... - No. 404 00:21:47,815 --> 00:21:49,612 - So. - Exactly. 405 00:21:52,015 --> 00:21:56,008 We must never, ever speak of this again. 406 00:21:56,175 --> 00:21:57,164 No. 407 00:22:02,095 --> 00:22:03,574 Hey, you wanna go see a movie? 408 00:22:04,255 --> 00:22:06,325 Actually, I think I'm gonna take a few days off. 409 00:22:08,015 --> 00:22:10,404 - I think that's for the best. - Yeah.