Previously onstargate: Sg—1
I want to know who this man is.
Ok, Martin, what's this about?
Who's he?
Murray.
Tanner: You stopped taking your medication, didn't you?
I'm not crazy, and you're not a psychiatrist!
I'm running out of Patience, and I really need to know.
What's that?
A mobile computing device.
I snuck it out of Tanner's bag.
It has multiple functions, see?
So, you gonna drug me again?
Ittriggered whati later realized
was a suppressed memory.
I'm not just interested in outer space.
I'm from outer space.
(Powering up)
Early this morning, approximately 0230,
the kepler space probe captured this image
as it passed by Mars.
What is it?
Well, sir, at first the people down atjpl
thought it was an asteroid, but then they started
picking up some strange energy readings.
They tracked the object and realized
that it was changing course and accelerating.
Asteroids don't normally do that?
No, sir.
The only logical conclusion is that it's a ship
do we have any way of identifying it?
As a matter of fact, we do.
The energy signature is consistent
with a technology we've encountered before.
A year ago, we foundthis pod
buried in a field near billings, Montana.
Martin.
You mean the little guy with the pills and the glasses?
I thought his ship was destroyed.
No. He said they came down in a pod
after abandoning the ship.
He never said what happened to it after that.
Well, if it is his ship, we'd better talk to him,
because it's on a course for earth,
and it'll be here in 3 days.
Then we must locate Martin Lloyd immediately.
(Dramatic music playing)
(Explosions)
Hurry up, major! We need that forceshield!
I'm trying, sir, but something's nullifying
the electrolyte composite on the shield generator!
Try reversing the polarity!
It's not working!
What do you mean it's not working?
I mean it's not working!
God help us!
(Director making firing noises)
(Crew grunting)
(Director shouts)
Director: And cut!
(Bell rings) Break!
Bill: Ok, we're cut!
(Microphone feedback)
What? That was awful. We have to do it again.
Check the gate. We are moving on.
Print everything! Nice job, people!
Good moves, Shawn.
Um——uh——yeah!
Yeah! Uh——uh——grea —— Great job, everybody.
Uh... yeah!
(Theme music playing)
TV show narrator: Prepare for an x—treme adventure.
4 x—cellent heroes
in an x—traordinary new sci—fi series!
Starring Nick marlowe as the wry colonel danning.
As a matter of fact,
it does say colonel on my uniform.
Hey, it's what I do.
TV show narrator: Yolanda Reese
as the brilliant major Stacey Monroe.
The positronic field emitters are off—line,
but I can compensate by generating a feedback loop
TV show narrator: Raymond gunne as Dr. Levant.
Damn it, colonel, just because they're aliens
and their skulls are transparent
doesn't mean that they don't have rights!
(Panting)
TV show narrator: And introducing Douglas Anders
as grell the robot.
TV show narrator: Coming this fall, only on—...
Well, that looked familiar.
I don't see it.
Martin's involved in this?
He sold the idea to the studio.
He is currently working on the production
as a creative consultant.
Then Martin Lloyd has seriously
breached your security.
Not necessarily.
What? He obviously gotthe whole thing
from his knowledge of the Stargate program.
Well, if the air force didn't want itto happen,
they wouldn't have let it go this far.
Hammond: Plausible deniability,
in the event of a future breach of security,
we'll be able to point to this television program.
That is, if it stays on the air.
That still doesn't change the fact
that Marty sold us out.
His motivations are of little concern at the moment.
Our first priority
is to find out everything he knows about that ship.
Colonel...
You're wormhole x—treme's new air force consultant.
(Bang)
No, no, no, no, no, no. Bigger,
much bigger.
Bill: Copy that. Ok, so tomorrow, we got 46 extras.
Make sure everybody's ready to go for that—...
Hair, make—up, wardrobe, costumes, and props.
Has the props show andtell happened yet?
Oh, man, he's gonna freak.
Excuse me. Do you know
where I can find a Martin Lloyd?
He's one of the bigwigs around here.
Copy that. Sorry?
Martin Lloyd.
Oh, yeah. Over there, by th e trailers.
Thank you.
Who's that guy?
Oh, they went with green.
Ok. It looks good. Great.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! What is that?
It's fruit. Scene 23.
Ok, scene 23 takes place on another planet.
So, you think aliens eat apples?
Why not? They speak English.
Get some kiwis and spray paint them red.
Ok, so now it'll go, uh,
"Nick walks into the garden of kiwi trees,
says, how like Eden this world is,
and bites into a painted kiwi."
Ok, um, you're the prop master right?
So you're a master of props.
So figure it out.
That's what you're wearing?
Ok. Looks good.
Martin? Yeah, yeah.
Can I help you?
Jack.
Colonel Jack O'Neill? United States air force?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're the new military technical advisor.
Listen, don't speak to the actors.
Martin, it's Jack.
Remember last year, billings, Montana?
I've never been to Montana,
but I am going to Sundance this year.
What about the name Tanner? Dr. Tanner?
Hammond? Carter?
Murray?
Sorry. Listen, I've got
a concept meeting in 10 minutes,
and if I'm not there on time,
well...
Well, they start without me.
But come back tomorrow,
and I'll show you around.
(Bang)
No. Look at my lips. Bigger.
Hammond: What have you got for us, colonel?
Well, here's news.
I think Martin's had his memory erased again.
He claims he doesn't remember me
or anything about last year.
Tanner and his boys must have gotten to him first.
O'Neill: Yeah, well, I checked out his trailer.
Didn't find any medication,
butthere are a lot of vitamins.
Hammond: Send in a sample for analysis.
In the meantime, keep an eye on Martin.
Yes, sir.
Sir, if Tanner and his men are involved,
colonel O'Neill could use some backup
I agree with you, major. You leave in one hour.
I can not thank you enough colonel.
It's been many bleems since my people
were enslaved by the minions of lord varlock.
H ey, it's what I do—...
Do——aw, this isn'tworking!
Director: Cut!
(Bell rings)
Bill: Ok, we're cut!
Nick, what's up?
This is supposed to be a love scene,
and we're walking through all these dead aliens!
All right, well, it's continuity.
You just killed them all.
Yeah, yeah. Well, can't—...
Can't we walk somewhere else?
Well, Nick, there is no somewhere else.
This is the planet we have, between here and here.
It's all the set there is.
And the reality of the scene dictates
thatthere be dead aliens
because you just killed them.
We could always go back to the way it was in the script.
No, we can't. We've already established
that one shot stuns and two shots kills.
Nickjust shot everybody twice.
So, 3 shots disintegrates them.
Ok, you know what?
I'm gonna pretend you didn't say that,
because that is quite possibly the stupidest thing
I have ever heard you say.
Why are you looking at me like I'm an idiot?
Why are you even on set? Go write something.
Ooh! What color is the beam from the ray gun?
We can't afford a beam. Sound effects.
It'll be great. You'll see. Reset.
Bill: Back to ones.
Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick. Gonna be in close up
the dead aliens will be below frame.
The audience is gonna knowthey're there.
Ok. Kill the dead aliens.
Aliens off the set.
Bill: Aliens off the set.
I said, aliens off the set!
Hey, it's what I do.
It's what I do.
You're the new military advisor?
Yes, sir.
You're the real deal, huh? You seen action?
That would be classified.
Oh, I like that.
Sorta like a "yes," but really a "no."
This is realistic, right?
The uniform? Camouflage?
Oh, yeah. Yeah. You don't want to be
atarget out there in space.
That's exactly what I said,
so why aren't the aliens ever in camouflage?
Oh, I fought for that, uh, Nick,
but the studio wants the aliens seen.
An alien wouldn't want to be seen, Martin.Think.
Maybe that's why th ey're dead.
That helps me. Thanks.
Can we do this? Doing this.
(Bell rings)
The "x" ——I know what you're thinking.
Um, it's a marketing thing.
You see, iwanted to call the show
going to other planets,
but research says that shows with "x" in the name
get higher ratings. Ah.
Aaaaaaaaan d action!
Bob: The ship's on schedule.
Preparations for departure are almost complete.
There's only one problem.
This is gonna complicate matters.
Very well.
You have my authorization to begin surveillance.
Keep a low profile, major.
We don't want to show our hand.
Dr. Fraiser.
Surveillance on Martin Lloyd, I assume?
His house, actually. To help determine
if Martin's old friends have returned.
Tanner.
The idea is to determine
if Tanner and the other aliens
have been watching Martin.
Major Carter and Dr. Jackson
will try to intercept frequencies
being broadcast from inside his house.
Oh, so like a surveillance surveillance.
In a manner of speaking.
Are those the test results
from the vitamins colonel O'Neill found
in Martin's trailer?
Yes, sir.
They contain a significant amount of the chemical
that Tanner used to block Martin's memory before.
Which confirms what we already suspected.
Mmm—hmm.
The question is,
what do they want Martin to forget?
Excuse me.
Director: No, no, because it undermines
my authority, that's why.
Guys.
Ah, miss Reese.
Uh, I'm having a little trouble with scene 27.
It says that I'm out of phase,
which means that I can pass my handthrough solid matter,
or I can walk th rough walls.
Yeah, yeah. 'Cause you're "out of phase."
Um, exactly.
So, how come I don't fall through the floor?
We're gonna have to get back to you on that one.
All right.
Hi.
No takers?
This crew does not appear to enjoy
the traditional dishes of chulak.
Showbiz, huh?
Hey! What happened to all the donuts?
They were consumed by the drivers
before they retired to sleep
we wish to converse privately.
Leave us!
Carter and Daniel?
The investigation is ongoing.
Daniel: Are you sure
the signal's coming from inside Martin's house?
I've gone over the triangulation 3 times.
I just have to match the frequency.
Hold it, I've got something.
Daniel: Hidden cameras.
Carter: Just like last time.
Huh. Look, I know it says he's weightless in the script,
but look what happens
when I scratch out the word "weightless."
You see, he no longer becomes weightless.
He just becomes.
Ok, fine. Good.
But how else does colonel danning
get past the giant alien guard?
Why doesn't he just shoot him?
Who is this?
Colonel Jack O'Neill.
He's the new air force technical advisor.
He doesn't know he's not supposed to say anything yet.
You're telling me an air force officer can shoot a giant alien
without having to be weightless?
Sure, why not?
You know, I'd like to hear "sure, why not"
a little more around here.
Now, the spaceship in scene 53—...
We have to see the ship.
It's crucial to the episode.
We're gonna see it in their reactions.
It's like, "oh, my god, look atthat ship
it's indescribable."
All right, if you can do it for $5,000 less,
you can keep it in. Are we done?
I have a tee time.
Marty has a problem with a scene in act 3.
Oh, is that a fact, Marty?
You have 2—way travel through a wormhole.
So?
Martin: That's impossible.
Matter can only move
one way through an open wormhole.
The scene is scientifically unsound.
Ok, show of hands. Who here has won a cable ace award? Hmm?
Thank you.
Oh. Nice save
with the shooting the giant alien being.
Clever.
Billy, make it go.
Bill: Making it go, scene.
Back to one, folks.
Martin: You know, I am the creative consultant on this show,
which means that nothing should happen creatively
without me being consulted.
He consulted you. He just didn't listen.
You know what he worked on before this?
A show about atalking dog
who solves crimes.
So what if they had a hundred episodes?
Poochinsky.
Yes. Poochinsky.
Great show.
Hey, Marty, um...
What makes you so sure
matter can on ly travel
one way through a wormhole?
I don't know.
I must have read it somewhere.
Andthis secret government team
that goes to other plan ets,
where'd that come from?
Oh, it's based on a story I wrote last year,
and I couldn't get it published.
I was just about ready to give up,
and I got a call from the studio.
To tell you the truth,
I'm not even sure how they gottheir hands on it.
So you just made it up?
Never askawriter where he gets his ideas.
In truth, we don't know.
(Cell phone rings)
(Beeps)
O'Neill.
Carter: Colonel, we were right.
Tanner and the others
have Martin under surveillance again.
It can't be a coincidence, sir.
It has to have something to do
with the arrival of that ship
all right, they may have tried to infiltrate the studio.
I'll see what I can dig up.
Billy: Fire in the hole!
Bigger!
What is it about the word "bigger"
that you don't understand?
The auditions are in that building over there.
I'm not auditioning. I'm with the air force.
Colonel Jack O'Neill.
Really.
Do you keep a record of everyone
who comes and goes through here?
It's for a security check.
One of our generals is doing a guest spot on the show.
It's a small but pivotal role.
I've gotthe license plates of every vehicle
that comes and goes through here on file.
Great. Would you mind
e—mailing them to that address?
Ok. Sure.
Thank you. I like the uniform.
Why would somebody with 2 phds become ateamster?
The money, I guess.
Wait a minute. This guy looks familiar.
You're right. That's one of Tanner's men.
Oh, according to this,
he's a production assistant
named Steve Austin.
Ithinkwe'd better pay Steve a little visit.
He's on his way up
copy.
(Knocks)
Hello?
(Knocks)
So, where the hell did he go?
Princess, I've seen a lot over the years—...
The crystal rivers of erridel,
the blue volcanoes of kashtorr rama,
even the starfires of grablax 6.
None of it compares to you.
(Cell phone rings)
What? Whose phone is that?
Director: Cut!
What was that? Who was that?
Tail slate!
I want a name!
(Clap)
It's me. Sorry to—...
No problem. I'm sure it's important.
Ok, that's lunch.
Let me show you something in my trailer.
(Dials)
O'Neill.
I don't know what happened, sir. We lost him.
One minute he was here, the next minute he was gone.
Yeah, they have a habit of doing that.
We do have one lead though.
Before he left, he made a quick phone call.
We traced it to a warehouse on the east side.
Bring backup this time.
Sir, we don't have a lot of time
before the ship enters orbit.
You'll have to confront Martin.
Yeah, I will.
Mmm.
You know, iwas thinking,
you know what this show needs?
A sexy female alien.
Yeah. Trust me.
Hey, Marty? Marty, you got a second?
Oh, well, now's not really a good time.
I'm supposed to have...
Ok, now's good.
"The colonel stood before
"the vertical pool of shimmering light,
"fascinated by the dancing ripples in the event horizon.
"What mysteries lay beyond this mystical portal,
what wonders awaited him and his band of stalwart cohorts?"
Pretty good, huh?
Damn good.
The only difference from the original story
is that there was
a fifth member of the team.
He was a han dsome, smooth—talking alien
who was stranded on earth
when his crew deserted him.
The producers made me cut that part out.
And you have no clue where you gotthis idea?
Well, like I said...
Martin, it's all true.
What are you talking about?
Wormholes.
Traveling to other plan ets.
It's all real.
I command a unit called sg—I.
It's the advanced team of a secret military operation.
We explore the universe
through a device called the Stargate.
The crew putyou up to this, didn't they?
Here's the kicker, Marty. You know all about it.
You've been th rough the Stargate.
Unfortunately, you've had your memory erased.
So, what, um, I'm a member of this sg—I?
No.
Then how do I know about it?
Because you're not just interested in outer space,
you're from outer space.
Is this a pitch?
Huh? Alien crash lands.
We have to find him before it's too late,
only his memory's been erased.
Martin. No, no, no.
It's not bad. If we just add a twist—...
(Beeper beeps)
I'm needed on the set.
Why don't you type up what you have,
and I'll take a look at the coverage on it.
Oh, no promises.
Perimeter's secure, major. Awaiting your orders.
Let's move in.
Move in. Move in.
Carter: Nobody move!
Drop your weapons! Drop them!
Lower your weapons!
You drop your weapons. Now.
I'm major Samantha Carter, United States air force.
And I'm agent Malcolm Barrett, n.I.D.
N.i.d.? Major, what the hell's going on here?
We've been set up.
Hello?
Someone paged me to stage 6?
Hello?
(Rattle)
Hey. Aah!
(Clan k)
Marty, relax.
What's going on?
I guess the crew's just playing an affectionate prank
by paging me to a stage we're not shooting on.
It happens all the time.
It's out of respect, really.
Ha! Hey, n—n—nice one, guys.
(Gun cocks)
All right, stay with me.
Hello, colonel.
(Guns cock)
Tanner, I presume?
Is he with you?
Tanner: Don't worry, Martin.
Everything will become clear in time.
Gentlemen, the colonel's weapon.
This is really bad.
Relax.
They're shooting the big finale this afternoon.
I have to be there.
Yeah, I can see howthat would be high on your list
of priorities right now.
Couldn'tyou have dealt with these guys
on you own? Did you have to drag me into it?
Marty. You are the reason we're here.
Oh, don't start
with that outer space stuff again.
Martin, the vitamins you've been taking are laced with a chemical
that's been suppressing your memory.
I had 'em analyzed.
Ok, fine. I'm an alien.
Whatever.
They are aliens, too. They're from your planet.
Ok, that is the stupidest act4 opening ever.
You should stick with the air force, colonel.
A writer you're not.
(Door opens)
Hey, how go the travel plans?
Spaceship on time and all?
I only ask 'cause I care.
Uh, guys, I'm kind of out of the loop here.
But since iwork in the television business
and I don't really know anything,
I was wondering if you would consider, uh,
letting me go beca——oh.
I'm hoping that's your Insulin shot.
Honestly, needles make me kinda queasy.
Don't worry, Martin.
Just a little something to help you remember.
Uh, justtell me what you want me to remember,
and I'll remember it.
Uhh!
Yeah, yeah. We'll rewrite it.
It'll be great.
Let's go over this again, shall we?
You want a diagram? They led us straightto you.
The aliens?
Yes, the aliens. Please, Mr. Man in black,
don't pretend you don't know aboutthe aliens.
Now we can't get a hold of colonel O'Neill.
We have to go to the set
and figure out what's going on.
No. You're not going anywhere.
The n.I.D.'S been given full authority
over this investigation.
O'Neill.
Teal'c.
How'd you find us?
I witn essed your abduction from the studio.
Where's Tanner?
He and his men have once again disappeared.
The real money's in syndication.
Martin.
Martin, come on.
If you want to have lunch, just call my assistant.
Marty!
Colonel O'Neill?
Murray.
You remember?
Yeah.
The antidote worked.
I remember everything now.
Marty, what happened?
Why'd they drug you again?
They didn't.
I did it to myself.
For what reason?
When we went back to my planet
and we saw that it was gone,
I couldn't handle it.
And the real estate job the air force got me was driving me crazy.
I just wanted to forget everything.
You were just gonna keep taking pills
for the rest of your life?
Another month, and the long—term memory loss
would have been permanent.
Oh, no.
What is the matter, Martin Lloyd?
Wormhole x—treme. The show is based on your Stargate program.
Don't worry. It's on cable.
So, why'd they bring you out of it?
Why now?
The ship's coming.
We put it on atimer.
Sort of a backup plan in case things didn't go right here.
Why do they need you?
I still have the mobile computing device
I stole from Tanner.
They need it to access the ship.
Where is it?
Don't worry. It's in a safe place.
Bill: And rolling.
Man: Sound, speed.
Where's this from?
Standing with the quatra scanner.
I don't have the scanner.
Bill: Cut!
Don't stop rolling.
Man: Still speeding.
Kenny, run, you underpaid below—th e—line freak!
Billy, roll right now!
Roll!
Man: Speed. Speeding.
Kenny, I love you, but you're not in this scene.
Out! Billy.
Roll!
Man: Speed, speed. Speeding.
Action.
It has to be here somewhere.
You used a real alien device
as a prop on the show?
Well, I'd forgotten what it was at the time.
Besides, do you have any idea
what it costs to make one of these things?
Can I help you?
We're looking for the quatra scanner.
Uh—huh. It's at the location.
What? Why?
Somebody put it in the scene at the last minute.
How come?
I don't know. I just do my job, man.
Let's go.
Murray.
Yeah. Get me agent Barrett.
All right, good work.
Let's go, guys. We got 'em.
You two stay here.
What?
We wantthis ship it's too important.
Frankly, I don'ttrust either one of you.
Agent Smith, watch over these two
and make sure they don't move.
Let's go, guys.
Murray, look around.
Marty, you're with me.
I'm picking up the same low—level gamma radiation
we came across in the photon belt.
Well, that doesn't make sense.
I mean, those aliens couldn't have just disappeared,
could they have?
Director: Andturn, turn.
Doug?
Cut. Perfect.
And tail slate.
Good. And, Doug,
you were supposed to turn to me, remember?
Ok, print everything. Moving on.
Good scene. Thanks.
You really nailed it.
Let me take this stuff for you.
Oops. There you go.
Yellow.
Let's go.
No, no, wait.
They're just about to shootthe big finish.
Too bad.
I'm not leaving, colonel.
Ok, maybe I am.
You can control the ship from here with this?
Uh, maybe, but do I have to?
Yes, Marty, you—...
You can hand me the device, colonel.
Well, this is getting old.
Lower your weapons.
Looks like we have a situation.
You know, guys, you can walk away from this.
We're not going to come after you.
What about your friends at the n.I.D.?
No more hiding. Where's the device?
What device?
Colonel, we let you escape
because we knew Martin would lead you right to it.
(Cell phone rings)
That's me. Mind if I...
(Ring)
O'Neill.
Sir, it's me.
Hey, Carter, how you doing?
The n.I.D. Have made your position.
They'll be there any minute.
Everything all right?
It is now.
I'll be in touch.
Time's up, guys. The n.I.D.'S on its way.
Look.
They're too late.
I'm ok, Murray.
(Thundering)
We should return to the star portal
before the aliens return.
What? What? I haven't finished
translating the alien text.
Grell, what do you think?
What the hell is that?
Is——is that ours?
Keep rolling. Keep rolling.
Yeah, keep rolling. Pan around, you monkeys.
Man: What is it?
Hey, what's this about?
I'm supposed to be in all the cool scenes.
Tilt up, tilt up!
(Rumbling)
(People chattering)
Colonel, please.
You know as well as I do
they're never going to leave us alone.
(Vehicles approach)
There's nothing for us here.
It's time for us to go.
You officially owe me one.
What about Martin?
I believe Martin Lloyd has chosen a new path.
We're going to win an Emmy for this.
Visual effects category.
Thank you, colonel.
We won't forget this.
(Engine revving)
Cut it! Print it! That's a wrap!
Yeah, cut.
Cool special effect.
I've seen better.
Aw, we'll fix it in post.
Yeah.
So, you think we can get 18 in?
Yeah, if we cut back on the mole rings.
You thinkthat's funny?
Yeah, that's good enough for a walk away.
When's a good time to fade out?
Ah, right about...
Now.
Narrator: Stay tuned
for a special behindthe scenes look
atwormhole x—treme.
I'm Christian bocher.
I'm portraying the character of Raymond gunne,
who portrays the character of Dr. Levant,
which is based on the character Daniel Jackson
portrayed by the actor Michael shanks,
originally portrayed by the actor James spader
in the feature film.
Are you ok?
Director: Action!
Look out!
Aah!
Aah! Ohh!
Ooh! Aah!
Director: And cut!
No, no, no.
Are you ok? Are you ok?
No, I'm not ok. You——you go.
Ice——can I get some ice?
All right, let's get some ice in here.
Andthis is the eye line.
Wormhole x—treme.
Enjoy the space. You can do anything with space.
You know, you got your space between your teeth,
the space—— personal space.
Right. Ok, so, you're standing here.
(Grunts)
As a matter of fact, it does say colonel on my uniform.
You know, it doesn't say colonel.
Did anyone ever think of that?
Um, it's just a figure of speech.
Well, it's a figure of speech
that I can't figure out,
because I'm not seeing colonel on my uniform.
(Laughs)
Director: Ok, somebody get me
the word "colonel."
Get me a sharpie pen.
Could it be here? Could it be here?
You realize this is not a real show, right?
What are you talking about? You're saying
that wormhole x—treme is not a real show?
We did all this—— all this is—...
Yeah, it's not a real show. It's a fake show.
Does my agent know about this?
You're heroic...
And just look over here atthis eye line over there.
This isn't a real show?
No, it's not a real show.
If it's not a real show,
then why are you telling me whatto do?
How could this not be a real show
if we're doing it right now?
Am I getting paid real money?
Yeah, you're getting paid real money.
Well, I—— whoa.
So, what plane of reality are we on right now?
Director: And we're heaving.
Hey, it's what I do.
And cut.
Are you sure you can't see
the difference in our height?
Can I get a half apple?
Ok, let's get a half apple.
I'm looking straight up her nose.
You don't have to hit me that hard, either.
Ithinkyou can really see the difference
between our height.
You——no. I don't. It's not obvious.
Look, look. I'm going to measure it.
I'm like——I'm like—...
But on this lens, it looks right. It's ok.
From this angle, it looks like we're the same height?
Yes. I swear to god.
You wouldn't lie to me?
I wouldn't lie to you.
How come I never get to kiss anybody?
Director: Well, it's—...
There's being episodes written for you
very soon.
Sure.
Director: Just one eyebrow.
No, justthe one.
Director: Andturn your back to me.
Turn all the way aroundto me
and do the annoying thing and then look back.
And action.
How could this not be a real show?
Ohh. Aw, forget it. Just cut.