1 00:00:03,493 --> 00:00:05,484 We are adventurous moviemakers... 2 00:00:05,562 --> 00:00:08,690 who sing, dance and above all, entertain. 3 00:00:08,765 --> 00:00:09,823 Action! 4 00:00:11,768 --> 00:00:12,996 That the best you can do? 5 00:00:13,069 --> 00:00:15,162 Gee, l thought it was going very well. 6 00:00:15,639 --> 00:00:18,574 This is a real neat town you found, Faceyman. 7 00:00:18,642 --> 00:00:21,338 There are about 10 governments who want him for war crimes. 8 00:00:21,478 --> 00:00:24,003 They must all be eliminated. 9 00:00:24,147 --> 00:00:25,808 l don't want to die! l want to go home! 10 00:00:26,016 --> 00:00:27,677 Please somebody shut this lunatic up. 11 00:00:27,751 --> 00:00:28,775 Consider this. 12 00:00:28,952 --> 00:00:30,044 Damn you, Murdock. 13 00:00:30,220 --> 00:00:31,414 [screaming] 14 00:00:33,690 --> 00:00:36,090 (male narrator) In 1972, a crack commando unit... 15 00:00:36,159 --> 00:00:37,922 was sent to prison by a military court... 16 00:00:37,994 --> 00:00:39,427 for a crime they didn't commit. 17 00:00:39,496 --> 00:00:40,724 These men promptly escaped... 18 00:00:40,797 --> 00:00:42,355 from a maximum-security stockade... 19 00:00:42,432 --> 00:00:44,127 to the Los Angeles underground. 20 00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:45,724 Today, still wanted by the government... 21 00:00:45,802 --> 00:00:47,702 they survive as soldiers of fortune. 22 00:00:47,771 --> 00:00:50,365 If you have a problem, if no one else can help... 23 00:00:50,440 --> 00:00:51,668 and if you can find them... 24 00:00:51,741 --> 00:00:53,936 maybe you can hire the A-Team. 25 00:00:54,077 --> 00:00:55,476 [gun firing] 26 00:02:24,033 --> 00:02:25,500 (Jerry) l don't know, Johnny. 27 00:02:25,568 --> 00:02:27,536 l think the scales should be slimy. 28 00:02:27,604 --> 00:02:31,005 Also, l was thinking more of a purple color than green. 29 00:02:31,074 --> 00:02:32,564 Purple? Uh-huh. 30 00:02:32,642 --> 00:02:34,507 This whole thing makes me very nervous, you know. 31 00:02:34,577 --> 00:02:35,635 l never produced a movie before. 32 00:02:35,712 --> 00:02:37,703 Especially a movie, all my friend's money in it. 33 00:02:37,781 --> 00:02:39,271 Maybe l should've stuck to being an agent. 34 00:02:39,349 --> 00:02:41,647 Now, relax, Jer, we're gonna have fun with this one. 35 00:02:41,718 --> 00:02:44,915 And, l'm going to play this one a little different. 36 00:02:45,021 --> 00:02:48,718 Remember how the Aqua-maniac was kind of this reluctant killing machine... 37 00:02:48,792 --> 00:02:50,316 sad but driven? 38 00:02:50,994 --> 00:02:54,361 Well, l'm going to give Gatorella a whole another fix. 39 00:02:54,464 --> 00:02:56,591 You remember when Godzilla... 40 00:02:56,933 --> 00:02:58,366 [phone ringing] 41 00:02:58,434 --> 00:03:01,403 he came out of the sea and he raised his head up... 42 00:03:01,471 --> 00:03:05,635 and then he cocked it and he looked at all the people running around. 43 00:03:05,742 --> 00:03:08,472 l mean, he was frightened and puzzled... 44 00:03:08,812 --> 00:03:11,508 but still angry. l want to try for that. 45 00:03:11,881 --> 00:03:13,371 l mean, why... 46 00:03:13,783 --> 00:03:16,718 is Sam Deacon, the game warden, shooting at me? 47 00:03:17,687 --> 00:03:21,851 And then, kind of mystified, l just take him out with one claw. 48 00:03:24,661 --> 00:03:27,221 Sounds good. A whole other fix. Mmm-hmm. 49 00:03:28,298 --> 00:03:30,664 l don't know, it's so hard to know what to say ''yes'' to. 50 00:03:31,467 --> 00:03:36,234 Maurice, could you fix this tail so it fits a little better? 51 00:03:36,339 --> 00:03:38,330 Oh, it looks dynamite. Yeah. 52 00:03:38,408 --> 00:03:42,902 Johnny, it's all green. l was thinking more of an iridescent purple. 53 00:03:43,279 --> 00:03:46,407 Now, Jer, l've been playing sea monsters for 10 years... 54 00:03:46,482 --> 00:03:48,143 and you got me every one of those jobs. 55 00:03:48,218 --> 00:03:50,277 Well, Johnny, l know that-- Now... 56 00:03:50,353 --> 00:03:53,584 what lives in the sea, has scales... 57 00:03:53,656 --> 00:03:55,647 and is iridescent purple? 58 00:03:55,792 --> 00:03:57,020 Nothing. 59 00:03:57,527 --> 00:03:59,722 Green is the operative color, Jer. 60 00:03:59,796 --> 00:04:03,232 For sea creatures and especially gator mutations. 61 00:04:03,299 --> 00:04:04,766 Trust me on this, Jer. 62 00:04:04,834 --> 00:04:06,665 l guess green's the right color. 63 00:04:06,736 --> 00:04:10,536 lridescent purple sounds good, Jer, but you'd hate it on film. 64 00:04:10,607 --> 00:04:14,600 And besides, l can't play this mystified thing if l feel foolish. 65 00:04:15,178 --> 00:04:16,338 And... 66 00:04:16,913 --> 00:04:19,507 l'd feel foolish in iridescent purple. 67 00:04:25,655 --> 00:04:27,247 When he comes out... 68 00:04:27,323 --> 00:04:29,086 tell Cooper to let him get to the car... 69 00:04:29,158 --> 00:04:31,683 before he cuts off that side of the street. 70 00:04:31,761 --> 00:04:34,753 Colonel says he wants you to wait till he gets out and over to the car... 71 00:04:34,831 --> 00:04:36,128 before you make your move. Right. 72 00:04:36,199 --> 00:04:39,464 He wants him in the car so he can't get back inside. Over. 73 00:04:39,535 --> 00:04:41,025 (Cooper) Roger. 74 00:04:41,671 --> 00:04:43,263 Sure it's Smith? 75 00:04:43,673 --> 00:04:46,642 l've had this guy at costume rentals on my payroll for two months. 76 00:04:46,709 --> 00:04:48,677 lt's Smith. l'm sure of it. 77 00:04:48,745 --> 00:04:51,737 He's in there trying out another monster suit. 78 00:04:52,415 --> 00:04:53,746 [snarling] 79 00:04:58,655 --> 00:05:00,247 Well, that's the general look of it. 80 00:05:00,323 --> 00:05:01,790 Of course, l haven't got it down yet... 81 00:05:01,858 --> 00:05:03,450 but l think it's an interesting way to go. 82 00:05:03,526 --> 00:05:05,892 Uh-huh, you're the expert on that, Johnny. 83 00:05:05,962 --> 00:05:07,793 Well, you know, l may throw in... 84 00:05:07,864 --> 00:05:10,424 just a touch of sexual envy when l see him with a girl... 85 00:05:10,500 --> 00:05:11,660 but l'm not sure about that yet. 86 00:05:11,734 --> 00:05:13,964 We'll see how it feels in Mexico. Hey, we'd better get going. 87 00:05:14,037 --> 00:05:16,164 Face will have everybody waiting at the airport for us. 88 00:05:16,239 --> 00:05:17,729 You know, l like that friend of yours. Face. 89 00:05:17,807 --> 00:05:19,434 How did he get that name? 90 00:05:19,509 --> 00:05:21,739 That's long story, Jer, but.... 91 00:05:22,378 --> 00:05:25,176 The way he got it is with that punim of his. 92 00:05:25,381 --> 00:05:28,509 lt seems that everybody believes whatever he says. lt's a gift. 93 00:05:28,584 --> 00:05:31,678 l mean he's an absolutely stupendous liar. 94 00:05:31,988 --> 00:05:34,684 lt's my first real featured acting role. 95 00:05:34,891 --> 00:05:38,258 l did a Love Boat in May but l was mostly just background. 96 00:05:38,328 --> 00:05:41,627 Except for, l did say, ''Good morning, Mr. Faskin''... 97 00:05:41,698 --> 00:05:43,222 to Donald O'Connor out by the pool. 98 00:05:43,299 --> 00:05:45,233 Oh, Jenny, Jenny, say that again. 99 00:05:45,301 --> 00:05:46,359 What? You mean... 100 00:05:46,436 --> 00:05:48,267 the ''Good morning, Mr. Faskin'' line? Yes, yes... 101 00:05:48,338 --> 00:05:50,829 just the way you said it before. Oh. 102 00:05:52,141 --> 00:05:54,200 Good morning, Mr. Faskin. 103 00:05:54,277 --> 00:05:57,542 And then later in the show, l walk by again and l say... 104 00:05:57,613 --> 00:05:58,978 ''Hi again.'' 105 00:05:59,148 --> 00:06:01,673 ''Good morning, Mr. Faskin.'' Oh! 106 00:06:02,051 --> 00:06:05,680 l mean, the way you say it, it's so sunny. 107 00:06:05,855 --> 00:06:09,621 l love the way you sort of turn it up at the end. Thank you. 108 00:06:09,692 --> 00:06:11,455 (Charles) Has anybody seen the dressing rooms... 109 00:06:11,527 --> 00:06:12,926 or hotel accommodations down there? 110 00:06:12,996 --> 00:06:16,989 Yes, l have. l made all the arrangements, Charlie. 111 00:06:17,066 --> 00:06:20,502 You're gonna love it down there. The people are so friendly. 112 00:06:20,570 --> 00:06:23,038 What's the name of this burg again? Podunk what? 113 00:06:23,106 --> 00:06:24,869 Podetera De La Ria. 114 00:06:25,441 --> 00:06:29,104 The hotel is magnificent. And your room, Charles, oh! 115 00:06:29,645 --> 00:06:33,172 lt overlooks the Placidia, there's a little fountain down there... 116 00:06:33,249 --> 00:06:36,548 and there's some beautiful casitas off by the river. 117 00:06:36,686 --> 00:06:38,381 And the women, Charlie... 118 00:06:38,454 --> 00:06:41,355 made by the hands of the gods. 119 00:06:41,424 --> 00:06:44,154 Absolutely beautiful. 120 00:06:45,361 --> 00:06:47,295 Will they be able to say, ''Hello, Mr. Faskin''... 121 00:06:47,363 --> 00:06:50,491 and turn it up at the end like our lovely little Jenny over there? 122 00:06:50,566 --> 00:06:52,727 Charles, come on. l was just being kind. 123 00:06:52,802 --> 00:06:54,827 l mean, she's a little nervous. 124 00:06:54,904 --> 00:06:58,635 l just don't understand why Jer couldn't have got a more experienced actress. 125 00:06:58,708 --> 00:07:01,700 l mean, l can't act in a vacuum, sweet cheeks. 126 00:07:02,612 --> 00:07:05,240 Now look, Charlie, let's-- Charles. 127 00:07:05,748 --> 00:07:07,648 Never Chuck or Charlie. 128 00:07:09,052 --> 00:07:13,921 Charles, why don't you give her a chance? She's real excited. 129 00:07:14,824 --> 00:07:17,019 This is my last monster movie. 130 00:07:17,126 --> 00:07:18,684 l swore after It Came From Nowhere... 131 00:07:18,761 --> 00:07:20,592 l was finished with the slime genre. 132 00:07:20,663 --> 00:07:23,188 [sighing] Charles, why don't you stop complaining? 133 00:07:23,266 --> 00:07:26,963 Jerry is a great guy. This is his first shot at producing. 134 00:07:27,036 --> 00:07:29,163 You know, he got you your first job acting. 135 00:07:29,238 --> 00:07:31,968 ls this really the cast and crew airplane? A DC-3? 136 00:07:32,041 --> 00:07:34,805 Charles, why don't you.... Just don't worry about the plane, huh? 137 00:07:34,877 --> 00:07:36,640 Trust me. All right? 138 00:07:36,979 --> 00:07:39,573 You've got enough hot air to lift off by yourself. 139 00:07:39,916 --> 00:07:42,510 Our pilot, Murdock. Something about him.... 140 00:07:42,585 --> 00:07:45,247 l don't know, l don't know. What's the word l'm looking for? 141 00:07:45,321 --> 00:07:47,789 Nuts? Yeah. That's it, nuts. 142 00:07:48,091 --> 00:07:49,217 [grunts] 143 00:07:49,292 --> 00:07:51,852 You sure we should let him do stunt work? 144 00:07:51,928 --> 00:07:53,259 Don't worry. 145 00:07:53,329 --> 00:07:55,559 l'll oversee everything. Jer... 146 00:07:55,965 --> 00:07:58,695 from here on, we're going to have a ball. 147 00:08:02,371 --> 00:08:03,633 [tires squealing] 148 00:08:03,706 --> 00:08:05,401 What's that? l don't know. 149 00:08:05,475 --> 00:08:07,272 Come on, we're going to be late to the airport. 150 00:08:07,343 --> 00:08:10,904 You went too soon. You went too soon. Cut him off. Cut him off. 151 00:08:10,980 --> 00:08:12,971 You don't mind if l drive, do you, Jer? 152 00:08:13,049 --> 00:08:14,573 No, no. Go ahead, John. 153 00:08:20,556 --> 00:08:21,784 What's going on here? 154 00:08:21,858 --> 00:08:24,691 l'm sorry, Jer. Hang on. l'll explain later. 155 00:09:35,831 --> 00:09:37,492 Murdock, how does she look? 156 00:09:37,567 --> 00:09:41,128 This is what we call, in pilot land, ''a coffin with wings.'' 157 00:09:41,204 --> 00:09:44,367 And it's a good thing that the big, angry guy hasn't laid eyes on it... 158 00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:47,238 or you'd be looking for a soft place to sit. You know what l mean? 159 00:09:47,310 --> 00:09:48,868 Yeah, l know what you mean. 160 00:09:48,945 --> 00:09:52,210 Hey. Who's that giant with the Mohawk that's passed out in the cabin? 161 00:09:52,281 --> 00:09:55,478 Oh, him. Don't worry about him. He's just there for ballast. 162 00:09:55,585 --> 00:09:57,052 [guns firing] 163 00:09:59,622 --> 00:10:01,487 What the hell is that? 164 00:10:01,791 --> 00:10:03,418 [tires squealing] 165 00:10:05,461 --> 00:10:06,689 (Face) Well, it doesn't look like... 166 00:10:06,762 --> 00:10:08,923 the Screen Actors' Guild out to wish you luck. 167 00:10:08,998 --> 00:10:12,092 Well, l guess l better blow the bird nests out of the carburetor... 168 00:10:12,168 --> 00:10:14,534 in preparation for takeoff. Good idea. 169 00:10:14,604 --> 00:10:18,165 l'll get everybody on board. Charles, shall we? Everybody. 170 00:10:18,641 --> 00:10:20,506 Here we go. Bon voyage. 171 00:10:31,087 --> 00:10:32,884 Come on, you sucker, start! 172 00:10:43,432 --> 00:10:45,229 Flaps set to take off. 173 00:10:46,202 --> 00:10:47,464 Trim set. 174 00:10:49,872 --> 00:10:51,897 Magneto, carburetor keyed. 175 00:10:59,081 --> 00:11:00,548 [guns firing] 176 00:11:09,392 --> 00:11:11,155 Welcome to Artesian Films... 177 00:11:11,227 --> 00:11:14,719 [Murdock yelling] and Flight 30 to Podetera De La Ria. 178 00:11:14,797 --> 00:11:18,733 Please fasten your seat belts and observe the ''No Smoking'' sign... 179 00:11:18,801 --> 00:11:22,328 while Captain H.M. Murdock prepares us for takeoff. 180 00:12:00,476 --> 00:12:02,808 Pilot's Prayer. Oh, God, your sky is so big. 181 00:12:02,878 --> 00:12:05,676 My plane is so crummy. Please, don't let me eat it. 182 00:12:13,456 --> 00:12:16,186 (Murdock) Faceman, the wheels won't go up. 183 00:12:16,325 --> 00:12:19,351 l never went through anything like this before in my life. 184 00:12:21,530 --> 00:12:23,521 (Murdock) Faceman, where'd you get this bird? 185 00:12:23,599 --> 00:12:24,930 (Face) Unified Relief. 186 00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:26,968 lt was flying discards in from Temecula. 187 00:12:27,036 --> 00:12:28,526 We're deadheading it back for them. 188 00:12:28,604 --> 00:12:31,232 Their pilot refused to fly it 'cause it... 189 00:12:31,307 --> 00:12:34,003 stalled on him three times or something. 190 00:12:34,176 --> 00:12:35,234 l love it. 191 00:12:56,031 --> 00:12:57,555 [alarm buzzing] 192 00:13:03,539 --> 00:13:07,134 Don't you need to keep the engines running so you can taxi? 193 00:13:07,209 --> 00:13:09,677 Yes. That is my usual procedure, Faceman. 194 00:13:09,745 --> 00:13:11,770 However, we are out of petrol. 195 00:13:13,849 --> 00:13:15,749 There's Manuel Escobar. 196 00:13:17,553 --> 00:13:20,147 What a guy, meeting us at the airport. 197 00:13:20,656 --> 00:13:22,783 Yeah, he's the local chief of police. 198 00:13:22,958 --> 00:13:25,859 Said he was gonna come out and help us carry our equipment. 199 00:13:25,928 --> 00:13:28,988 Yeah, it's gonna be the real red carpet treatment. 200 00:13:38,974 --> 00:13:40,236 [snoring] 201 00:13:40,576 --> 00:13:41,975 Do you mind? 202 00:13:43,312 --> 00:13:45,678 Hey, sucker, you better watch who you're pushing. 203 00:13:45,748 --> 00:13:47,477 Hey, l'm the star of this movie. 204 00:13:47,550 --> 00:13:50,383 You better work on a more civil tongue, mister. 205 00:13:52,354 --> 00:13:55,152 This is a plane. That barely describes it. 206 00:13:55,357 --> 00:13:58,258 Now, do you mind getting over in your own seat? 207 00:13:58,327 --> 00:14:01,421 l'm on a plane! l'm on a plane! 208 00:14:02,164 --> 00:14:04,530 Get me out of here. Get me out of here. 209 00:14:05,100 --> 00:14:07,261 B.A. Now, no, now, B.A.-- l told you, man! l told you-- 210 00:14:07,336 --> 00:14:08,769 No, no, no, wait! 211 00:14:08,838 --> 00:14:10,396 [Face screaming] 212 00:14:10,573 --> 00:14:12,564 You tricked me, man. You know l don't fly, man. 213 00:14:12,641 --> 00:14:15,166 Why don't you open your mouth, Faceman? What's wrong with you? 214 00:14:15,244 --> 00:14:16,404 Well, l.... 215 00:14:16,479 --> 00:14:18,470 Ah, Manuel, cómo... 216 00:14:19,348 --> 00:14:20,747 estas? 217 00:14:21,050 --> 00:14:24,713 Senor Face, you must turn the plane around. You must leave immediately. 218 00:14:24,787 --> 00:14:27,756 ls this the guy who was gonna help us with our luggage? 219 00:14:35,764 --> 00:14:38,358 Manuel, amigo mio. Por favor! 220 00:14:38,434 --> 00:14:41,665 You are making a less than favorable impression with my compadres. 221 00:14:41,737 --> 00:14:43,398 Making a terrible impression, Face. 222 00:14:43,472 --> 00:14:45,030 What's the problem, Templeton? 223 00:14:45,107 --> 00:14:48,076 Oh, it's no problem, Jerry. Nothing we can't work out. 224 00:14:48,143 --> 00:14:49,974 You must turn the plane around now... 225 00:14:50,045 --> 00:14:52,138 or l will be forced to take you all prisoners. 226 00:14:52,214 --> 00:14:54,546 My amigo. Look, only a week ago l was down here... 227 00:14:54,617 --> 00:14:56,710 you said to me, ''Hombre de cara. '' 228 00:14:57,019 --> 00:14:58,953 That's ''Faceman'' in Spanish. 229 00:14:59,021 --> 00:15:00,989 You said, ''Mi casa es su casa. '' 230 00:15:01,056 --> 00:15:02,819 That's, ''My house is your house.'' 231 00:15:02,892 --> 00:15:05,884 Whatever happened to ''Come over to my house and be a guest for dinner''? 232 00:15:05,961 --> 00:15:09,021 Whatever happened to all that ''amigo mio'' stuff? 233 00:15:09,098 --> 00:15:12,590 Does this guy have a daughter, Face? 234 00:15:12,668 --> 00:15:14,636 Yes. A very pretty one... 235 00:15:14,703 --> 00:15:17,228 but l never once, never did l even think about it... 236 00:15:17,306 --> 00:15:21,470 because this is one muchacho that never mixes business with pleasure. 237 00:15:23,479 --> 00:15:27,506 Well, maybe once or twice, but not this time. Really. 238 00:15:29,151 --> 00:15:32,382 Pal, maybe you can tell us why you're doing this. 239 00:15:32,454 --> 00:15:34,649 l mean, we went to a lot of trouble to get down here. 240 00:15:34,723 --> 00:15:38,250 Things change, senor. l am sorry, but you must leave now. 241 00:15:38,694 --> 00:15:41,527 We're out of gas. l do not believe you. 242 00:15:41,730 --> 00:15:44,961 There's not enough fuel in there to start a barbecue, pal. 243 00:15:45,034 --> 00:15:48,470 You must not come into town. You are not welcome here! 244 00:15:48,571 --> 00:15:51,039 You will have to figure out how you will get out. 245 00:15:51,106 --> 00:15:54,041 l will go into town and be back in an hour with fuel. 246 00:15:54,109 --> 00:15:56,236 You will not leave this runway. 247 00:15:56,312 --> 00:15:57,472 Vamonos! 248 00:16:02,718 --> 00:16:05,380 Oh, Jerry. Jerry, l don't understand. 249 00:16:05,454 --> 00:16:09,015 l mean, l was so careful. We shook hands. 250 00:16:09,091 --> 00:16:13,084 l mean, we toasted each other, we sang Frijolito Salzon together. 251 00:16:13,195 --> 00:16:14,890 lt's a song about a little jumping bean. 252 00:16:14,964 --> 00:16:16,955 We hugged one another. lt was all set. 253 00:16:17,032 --> 00:16:19,398 All right, everybody grab something. 254 00:16:19,468 --> 00:16:22,437 We're not gonna stand around here. We got a movie to make. 255 00:16:25,874 --> 00:16:28,069 No dressing room, no hotel room. 256 00:16:28,143 --> 00:16:31,670 Now, look, Charles, when you're shooting on distant locales like this... 257 00:16:31,747 --> 00:16:33,738 sometimes, temporarily, you get snafued. 258 00:16:33,816 --> 00:16:35,784 But, things will work out. Believe me. 259 00:16:35,851 --> 00:16:38,786 Charles, l only have enough money for three and a half days down here. 260 00:16:38,854 --> 00:16:40,685 l'll have to pay the crew by the day. 261 00:16:40,756 --> 00:16:42,087 Crew? You call this a crew? 262 00:16:42,157 --> 00:16:44,421 l've seen more people on a UCLA film project. 263 00:16:44,493 --> 00:16:46,051 We've got 30 people here. 264 00:16:46,128 --> 00:16:48,528 On It Came Out of Nowhere, we had 100 guys on the crew. 265 00:16:48,597 --> 00:16:50,462 On Lizard in the Lake, we had 1 25... 266 00:16:50,532 --> 00:16:52,625 not counting the lizard people we picked up in Bolivia. 267 00:16:52,701 --> 00:16:54,362 Charles, remember. 268 00:16:55,337 --> 00:16:57,396 Your name is gonna be above the title. 269 00:16:57,473 --> 00:16:59,771 l'm trying, sweetness, but l'm not gonna sleep out here... 270 00:16:59,842 --> 00:17:02,310 and be eaten by those 10 pound mosquitoes. 271 00:17:02,711 --> 00:17:04,303 [birds chirping] 272 00:17:04,546 --> 00:17:08,209 Everybody is really angry at you and l don't think it's fair. 273 00:17:08,283 --> 00:17:11,252 l mean, you had it all set up. They broke their promises. 274 00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:13,948 l know, Jenny. l just don't understand it. 275 00:17:14,023 --> 00:17:17,686 l lie, l cheat, l steal... 276 00:17:17,760 --> 00:17:20,422 and l just don't get any respect. 277 00:17:24,767 --> 00:17:26,257 lt was a joke. 278 00:17:26,402 --> 00:17:28,267 [laughing] Just a little a joke. 279 00:17:28,904 --> 00:17:29,928 Oh. 280 00:17:31,907 --> 00:17:33,898 You know, l'm worried about Charles. Ah. 281 00:17:33,976 --> 00:17:36,274 l asked him to run lines with me for tomorrow's scene... 282 00:17:36,345 --> 00:17:38,336 and he wouldn't do it. He said he's leaving. 283 00:17:38,414 --> 00:17:41,781 He's going to walk out to that road we flew over and hitchhike home. 284 00:17:41,850 --> 00:17:44,341 No, l don't think that's such a good idea. 285 00:17:44,453 --> 00:17:46,512 Break a leg, and all the other show business hooey. 286 00:17:46,588 --> 00:17:49,113 (Face) Oh, Charles, you're such a trooper. 287 00:17:49,191 --> 00:17:51,182 l know a losing proposition when l see it. 288 00:17:51,260 --> 00:17:52,955 Nobody can make me stay here and do this. 289 00:17:53,028 --> 00:17:55,428 Come on, Charles. Hang in with us. 290 00:17:56,765 --> 00:17:57,823 [sighs] 291 00:17:57,900 --> 00:18:00,767 There goes Charlie, the StarKist tuna. 292 00:18:01,236 --> 00:18:03,727 l was getting tired of him, anyway. Oh, my God. 293 00:18:03,806 --> 00:18:07,333 Now we don't have a leading man. What are we going to do? 294 00:18:08,010 --> 00:18:10,843 Hey, why doesn't Face take his part? 295 00:18:11,814 --> 00:18:14,647 He's better looking and anyway, you know... 296 00:18:15,084 --> 00:18:18,178 l think he and l have a sort of simpatico. 297 00:18:19,054 --> 00:18:20,419 (Jerry) No, no, no. We're through. 298 00:18:20,489 --> 00:18:23,481 My distribution agreement says that Charles Lake has got to be the star... 299 00:18:23,559 --> 00:18:25,117 for me to get my completion money. 300 00:18:25,194 --> 00:18:28,630 Jer, have you got a copy of that agreement on you? 301 00:18:28,897 --> 00:18:30,558 Yeah. Could l see it? 302 00:18:32,468 --> 00:18:34,299 Here. Ah, yes. 303 00:18:34,369 --> 00:18:37,270 Excuse me a moment while l step into my office. 304 00:18:37,339 --> 00:18:38,829 Hold my calls. 305 00:18:40,442 --> 00:18:43,468 Jer, that.... That is too bad because, you know... 306 00:18:44,513 --> 00:18:46,413 l think Face could do it. 307 00:18:46,482 --> 00:18:51,215 'Cause after all, the real star of the film is Gatorella. 308 00:18:53,322 --> 00:18:55,654 l don't know what to do now, Johnny. 309 00:18:56,258 --> 00:18:58,385 Tomorrow we roll film. 310 00:18:58,894 --> 00:19:00,691 l'll play the Sam Deacon part. 311 00:19:00,763 --> 00:19:03,323 No, l'll lose my bond. l won't get my financing. 312 00:19:03,398 --> 00:19:05,298 No, no, no, no, Jer. lt says here... 313 00:19:05,367 --> 00:19:08,632 that Lake, Charles T, has to perform the part. 314 00:19:08,704 --> 00:19:10,865 Yes. Yes. He just left. 315 00:19:10,939 --> 00:19:13,601 No, no, no, Jerry. Charles Lake left. 316 00:19:13,675 --> 00:19:17,236 Lake Charles is standing here looking at you. 317 00:19:18,113 --> 00:19:20,946 What are you talking about? Nobody's gonna buy that. 318 00:19:21,016 --> 00:19:23,075 Sure they are, Jer. Don't worry. 319 00:19:23,152 --> 00:19:26,087 As soon as we get back into town, l'll go into the Screen Actors' Guild. 320 00:19:26,155 --> 00:19:28,020 l'll register as Lake Charles. 321 00:19:28,090 --> 00:19:29,717 There's nothing they can do about it. 322 00:19:29,792 --> 00:19:33,455 Jer, trust him, he's made a career out of bending the rules. 323 00:19:33,529 --> 00:19:36,623 Well, looks like we're back in the film business. 324 00:19:36,698 --> 00:19:39,565 Now someone just has to say, ''Action.'' 325 00:19:40,435 --> 00:19:41,424 Action. 326 00:19:54,750 --> 00:19:56,115 [shrieking] 327 00:19:56,451 --> 00:19:57,713 [gun firing] 328 00:20:07,629 --> 00:20:09,426 (Dunnigan) Hey, you in the bloody fish suit. 329 00:20:09,498 --> 00:20:11,989 Come on out. And take that beak off. 330 00:20:15,003 --> 00:20:16,368 You guys... 331 00:20:16,939 --> 00:20:19,271 are not from the film commission. 332 00:20:19,474 --> 00:20:20,634 Am l right? 333 00:20:20,809 --> 00:20:23,004 (Dunnigan) You're right about that, mate. 334 00:20:23,445 --> 00:20:26,039 And yesterday you were asked to leave. 335 00:20:26,148 --> 00:20:27,376 Now l'm telling you. 336 00:20:27,516 --> 00:20:30,644 There's a little town about 40 miles south of here, called Cesbasco. 337 00:20:30,719 --> 00:20:32,346 You can shoot your picture there... 338 00:20:32,421 --> 00:20:34,116 and you're out of here in an hour. 339 00:20:34,189 --> 00:20:35,554 Anybody who ain't... 340 00:20:35,624 --> 00:20:38,218 gets a 9mm hollow point in the back of the head. 341 00:20:38,293 --> 00:20:40,989 Hey, man, l don't like guns being pointed at me. 342 00:20:41,063 --> 00:20:42,428 Well, then, you can get out of town. 343 00:20:42,497 --> 00:20:45,625 Why don't we just pack up our things and leave? 344 00:20:46,501 --> 00:20:49,334 lt's a wise choice. And we're back here in an hour. 345 00:20:49,538 --> 00:20:51,438 lf you're still here... 346 00:20:52,875 --> 00:20:54,399 we'll bury you. 347 00:21:00,082 --> 00:21:01,674 l'm sorry, Face. 348 00:21:02,818 --> 00:21:05,480 Why? Well, to be honest... 349 00:21:06,488 --> 00:21:08,251 when you said you didn't take a shot... 350 00:21:08,323 --> 00:21:10,223 at the sheriff's daughter, l didn't believe you. 351 00:21:10,292 --> 00:21:13,090 l thought when we got the bum's rush, it was because you had. 352 00:21:13,161 --> 00:21:15,595 Hannibal, l would never-- Forget it. Forget it. 353 00:21:15,664 --> 00:21:17,097 We gotta stop making this movie... 354 00:21:17,165 --> 00:21:20,259 and find out who those commandos are in the jeep. 355 00:21:20,869 --> 00:21:23,599 Maybe we should just do what he says and leave. 356 00:21:23,672 --> 00:21:25,606 Hey, man, l don't like to be runned off. 357 00:21:25,674 --> 00:21:27,073 Me, neither. 358 00:21:29,344 --> 00:21:31,574 We only have prop weapons here. 359 00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:33,513 l mean, we're a movie company. 360 00:21:33,582 --> 00:21:36,415 None of us knows anything about taking on guerrillas like that. 361 00:21:36,485 --> 00:21:38,680 But, maybe we could get lucky. 362 00:21:41,957 --> 00:21:45,893 Okay, guys. B.A., take a look at the prop weapons. 363 00:21:45,961 --> 00:21:50,022 Murdock, get in the special effects and get out the squibs. 364 00:21:50,098 --> 00:21:51,258 Right-a-rooney. 365 00:21:51,333 --> 00:21:53,893 l'll get out of this suit and Face and l will go into town... 366 00:21:53,969 --> 00:21:55,334 and find out what's going on. 367 00:21:55,404 --> 00:21:58,567 How can we beat these guys with prop weapons and special effects? 368 00:21:58,640 --> 00:22:01,768 Jerry, you never know how clever or stupid... 369 00:22:02,177 --> 00:22:04,577 the enemy is, until you test him. 370 00:22:05,347 --> 00:22:07,212 Hey, be careful, okay? 371 00:22:08,283 --> 00:22:10,012 Careful is my name. 372 00:22:10,452 --> 00:22:12,317 Lake Charles is your name. 373 00:22:53,795 --> 00:22:55,422 [rooster crowing] 374 00:23:06,808 --> 00:23:10,505 The town looks empty except for those Anglos by the cantina. 375 00:23:10,812 --> 00:23:13,007 Something's wrong around here. 376 00:23:19,488 --> 00:23:23,015 (Hannibal) At least your friend Manuel has been released. 377 00:23:33,668 --> 00:23:37,126 l wanna follow him. Scare me up a car, Face. 378 00:23:37,205 --> 00:23:39,799 ''Scare me up a car, Face.'' What do l do, hit the Hertz agency here? 379 00:23:39,875 --> 00:23:41,342 Get you a Cordoba convertible? 380 00:23:41,410 --> 00:23:45,005 Somebody must have a truck around here. Now, think. You must've seen one. 381 00:23:46,248 --> 00:23:47,374 Come on. 382 00:23:48,683 --> 00:23:50,878 (Hannibal) Oh, terrific, Face. 383 00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:46,434 Oh, no! 384 00:24:48,076 --> 00:24:49,543 You know him? 385 00:24:50,212 --> 00:24:51,702 Major De Jero. 386 00:24:52,147 --> 00:24:54,741 The most brutal torturer in Argentina. 387 00:24:54,816 --> 00:24:57,512 There are about 10 governments who want him for war crimes. 388 00:24:57,586 --> 00:24:59,713 Well, what do you think he's doing down here? 389 00:24:59,788 --> 00:25:02,484 Well, whatever it is, we're not gonna like it. 390 00:25:09,498 --> 00:25:14,231 [birds chirping] Oh, Sam, l keep trying. But Daddy won't say anything. 391 00:25:14,536 --> 00:25:17,334 He just lies there in that hospital bed... 392 00:25:17,472 --> 00:25:20,771 and then wakes up in the middle of the night screaming. 393 00:25:20,842 --> 00:25:23,811 Theresa, you've done everything you can. 394 00:25:23,879 --> 00:25:25,574 Everything reasonable. 395 00:25:25,647 --> 00:25:27,205 (Hannibal) Cut. Face. 396 00:25:27,282 --> 00:25:30,615 lt's ''Everything within reason,'' not ''Everything reasonable.'' 397 00:25:30,685 --> 00:25:32,312 Hannibal, l can't work this way. l mean.... 398 00:25:32,387 --> 00:25:34,878 And you're not even a director. Jerry's directing. 399 00:25:34,956 --> 00:25:36,787 Well, wait a minute. l never directed before. 400 00:25:36,858 --> 00:25:39,053 Hannibal said he'd help me out the first couple of days. 401 00:25:39,127 --> 00:25:42,187 Oh! Well, l can't work this way. l just.... 402 00:25:42,264 --> 00:25:44,858 l can't work for six directors. l'm an actor. 403 00:25:44,933 --> 00:25:49,233 An actor interprets lines. l can't be a slave to the script. 404 00:25:49,304 --> 00:25:52,171 l have to have room to interpret the lines. 405 00:25:52,240 --> 00:25:54,105 Gee, l thought it was going very well. 406 00:25:54,176 --> 00:25:55,507 There, you see? 407 00:25:55,577 --> 00:25:57,738 (Hannibal) Well, it was going terrible. 408 00:25:58,246 --> 00:26:01,682 Face, you were giving new dimension to the word ''stiff.'' 409 00:26:01,750 --> 00:26:04,014 Now, take it from where she says... 410 00:26:05,353 --> 00:26:06,786 ''Wakes up in the middle of the night.'' 411 00:26:06,855 --> 00:26:09,119 Yeah, okay, it.... it wasn't stiff, Hannibal. 412 00:26:09,191 --> 00:26:12,251 l was just playing a sort of emotional rigidity. 413 00:26:12,327 --> 00:26:16,821 That's.... lt was intentional. l'm trying to make Sam inflexible, that's all. 414 00:26:17,098 --> 00:26:21,296 Well, you're coming off like a giant redwood. So loosen up. Okay? 415 00:26:22,037 --> 00:26:24,096 Yeah, yeah, just be looser. Looser. 416 00:26:26,274 --> 00:26:30,506 Hannibal, when you gonna stop all this yak-yak-yak and get to yours truly? 417 00:26:30,579 --> 00:26:33,480 Tommy Danger, stuntman to the stars? 418 00:26:34,416 --> 00:26:37,044 Right after lunch, Tom. Double darn it. 419 00:26:40,555 --> 00:26:43,991 Okay, roll 'em. Do l say ''Action'' now? 420 00:26:44,859 --> 00:26:45,917 Now. 421 00:26:45,994 --> 00:26:47,018 Action! 422 00:26:47,229 --> 00:26:48,696 [guns firing] 423 00:26:56,771 --> 00:26:59,865 You guys are getting that machine gun entrance down pretty good. 424 00:26:59,941 --> 00:27:01,499 You obviously don't hear too good. 425 00:27:01,576 --> 00:27:04,101 Oh, l hear fine. lt's just that... 426 00:27:04,879 --> 00:27:08,042 we filmmakers live by our own code. 427 00:27:08,850 --> 00:27:10,841 There's tradition at stake. 428 00:27:10,919 --> 00:27:14,821 You may have heard of some of our more arcane sayings such as... 429 00:27:14,889 --> 00:27:18,848 ''always leave them laughing,'' and ''the show must go on.'' 430 00:27:18,927 --> 00:27:22,590 We believe in those expressions, we live by them. 431 00:27:22,664 --> 00:27:26,691 So, we've decided to ignore your less-than-courteous order to leave. 432 00:27:26,768 --> 00:27:29,168 What are you? A total fruitcake? 433 00:27:29,938 --> 00:27:31,769 You're 300 miles out in the brush. 434 00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:35,367 l could kill you and nobody would even ask any questions. 435 00:27:39,180 --> 00:27:41,774 What if l decided to kill you instead? 436 00:27:44,019 --> 00:27:45,509 [all laughing] 437 00:27:51,326 --> 00:27:54,727 Well, you certainly got gall. Well, how are you gonna kill me? 438 00:27:54,929 --> 00:27:56,362 Throw a megaphone at me? 439 00:27:56,765 --> 00:27:59,791 Well, obviously l have something in mind. 440 00:27:59,868 --> 00:28:02,666 l mean, the way l see it, you have two choices. 441 00:28:02,737 --> 00:28:04,932 Either apologize to my friends... 442 00:28:05,473 --> 00:28:10,035 and put your cute little 4-wheelers in reverse and pull out of here... 443 00:28:10,478 --> 00:28:12,969 or try me out, in which case... 444 00:28:13,415 --> 00:28:15,940 we'll have to bury you with your boots on. 445 00:28:16,017 --> 00:28:17,814 Probably right about where your foot is. 446 00:28:17,886 --> 00:28:19,285 That's quite a good trick... 447 00:28:19,354 --> 00:28:21,049 considering l'm the one who's holding the gun. 448 00:28:21,122 --> 00:28:23,682 Allow me to familiarize you... 449 00:28:24,059 --> 00:28:26,789 with certain military logistics. 450 00:28:27,362 --> 00:28:30,263 You see, you have no position here. 451 00:28:30,465 --> 00:28:32,262 You're on low ground. 452 00:28:32,801 --> 00:28:33,825 B.A. 453 00:28:33,968 --> 00:28:35,367 [gun firing] 454 00:28:41,776 --> 00:28:44,802 And you're flanked on both sides. Murdock! 455 00:28:52,420 --> 00:28:53,546 Face. 456 00:28:58,693 --> 00:29:00,024 You see... 457 00:29:02,063 --> 00:29:05,829 you elected to station your men out in the open... 458 00:29:06,201 --> 00:29:07,862 without any cover. 459 00:29:08,203 --> 00:29:10,068 l could kill you. Yeah. 460 00:29:10,372 --> 00:29:13,830 But you'd be dead before l hit the ground, so put it up. 461 00:29:15,343 --> 00:29:18,904 Murdock, incinerate this bag of spit on the count of three. 462 00:29:18,980 --> 00:29:20,641 One, two.... 463 00:29:23,218 --> 00:29:24,742 (B.A.) Drop 'em. 464 00:29:30,392 --> 00:29:33,020 Now, you wanna see something that'll break your heart? 465 00:29:35,096 --> 00:29:36,893 Look down the barrel. 466 00:29:37,899 --> 00:29:40,697 Somebody filled it with lead. Yeah. Props. 467 00:29:41,803 --> 00:29:44,499 Okay, Jer, hit the rest of the plungers. 468 00:29:52,347 --> 00:29:53,712 And then... 469 00:29:54,282 --> 00:29:57,740 there is perhaps the most arcane expression of them all. 470 00:29:58,286 --> 00:30:01,255 ''There is no business like show business.'' 471 00:30:01,689 --> 00:30:02,883 [B.A. chuckling] 472 00:30:04,492 --> 00:30:06,084 [birds chirping] 473 00:30:11,499 --> 00:30:13,592 Open the gate. Matey's back. 474 00:30:17,705 --> 00:30:20,640 Hey, that's not our truck. Hey, wait a minute. 475 00:30:20,708 --> 00:30:22,972 Hey! Come back here. Hey! 476 00:30:41,463 --> 00:30:43,090 Put it down or l hit the gas. 477 00:30:48,169 --> 00:30:49,830 Tell your men to drop their weapons. 478 00:30:49,904 --> 00:30:52,395 Drop your weapons! lt's an order. Do it now! 479 00:30:55,176 --> 00:30:57,076 l don't know who you are-- l know. l know. 480 00:30:57,145 --> 00:31:00,080 But l know who you are. You're Major Ramon De Jero. 481 00:31:00,148 --> 00:31:03,845 You've terrorized hundreds of people, tortured them unmercifully. 482 00:31:03,918 --> 00:31:05,249 l can pay you. 483 00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:07,413 l'm sure you can, but we're not in that market. 484 00:31:07,489 --> 00:31:09,616 Captain, take a look at this guy's basement. 485 00:31:09,691 --> 00:31:11,989 See if he's been pulling off anybody's fingernails down there. 486 00:31:12,060 --> 00:31:14,688 All right, come on, Face. Bring your nail file. 487 00:31:26,140 --> 00:31:28,870 l just came in here to use the phone, call a taxi. 488 00:31:28,943 --> 00:31:30,240 They threw me in this basement. 489 00:31:30,311 --> 00:31:33,838 They probably didn't realize they was dealing with a star, sweet cheeks. 490 00:31:33,915 --> 00:31:36,941 See what happens when you don't live up to your contractual obligations? 491 00:31:37,018 --> 00:31:38,986 The movie gods gets you. 492 00:31:56,271 --> 00:31:59,968 What have you done? Why have you brought all these men here? 493 00:32:00,708 --> 00:32:02,903 This guy in the white suit... 494 00:32:03,177 --> 00:32:05,008 is a war criminal. You lock him up. 495 00:32:05,079 --> 00:32:06,603 l'll get the federales down here. 496 00:32:06,681 --> 00:32:09,275 They'll take him away in a rabies bag. 497 00:32:11,920 --> 00:32:13,387 What's wrong? 498 00:32:13,721 --> 00:32:16,155 Perhaps you should tell him, jefe. 499 00:32:16,624 --> 00:32:19,286 He has all our wives and children. 500 00:32:19,727 --> 00:32:22,059 They're being held in a place out of town... 501 00:32:22,130 --> 00:32:24,360 and if l am locked up, they will be killed. 502 00:32:24,432 --> 00:32:27,833 You see, l'm a man who enjoys good insurance. 503 00:32:27,902 --> 00:32:30,427 Which is why l have lived so long and so well. 504 00:32:30,505 --> 00:32:34,168 What makes you think l won't be able to find them and rescue them? 505 00:32:34,242 --> 00:32:36,506 You won't get the opportunity, senor. 506 00:32:36,578 --> 00:32:38,876 Well, who's gonna stop me? Not you. 507 00:32:38,947 --> 00:32:42,678 Oh, no, no, not me, but perhaps you should look around you, senor. 508 00:32:44,886 --> 00:32:46,376 [guns cocking] 509 00:32:49,724 --> 00:32:52,591 Not bad. Drop your weapons. 510 00:32:54,862 --> 00:32:57,797 This is a real neat town you found, Faceyman. 511 00:32:58,099 --> 00:32:59,293 l know. 512 00:33:06,975 --> 00:33:08,670 [crickets chirping] 513 00:33:10,078 --> 00:33:13,809 This is awful. l knew l shouldn't have gotten into movie-making. 514 00:33:13,881 --> 00:33:16,145 l should have just stuck to being an agent. 515 00:33:16,217 --> 00:33:19,186 Maybe if we tell him we'll do anything he wants, promise not to tell on him. 516 00:33:19,253 --> 00:33:20,515 Maybe, then he'll let us go. 517 00:33:20,588 --> 00:33:23,056 l mean, he seems like a reasonable man. lf we beg him, maybe. 518 00:33:23,124 --> 00:33:25,456 Jenny. She can go to him, convince him. Charles! 519 00:33:25,526 --> 00:33:28,689 Don't you think you're working this heroic leading man thing too much? 520 00:33:28,763 --> 00:33:30,856 (Hannibal) What we need is a good plan. 521 00:33:31,432 --> 00:33:33,400 l'm open to suggestions. 522 00:33:33,468 --> 00:33:34,833 Well.... 523 00:33:34,902 --> 00:33:38,269 Suggestions are one of my long suits. Yup. 524 00:33:38,339 --> 00:33:41,001 So, l suggest... 525 00:33:41,576 --> 00:33:44,477 that we convince this tyrant that we have... 526 00:33:45,046 --> 00:33:47,571 secret weapons in our possession... 527 00:33:47,649 --> 00:33:49,947 and that we could atomize him at any moment. 528 00:33:50,018 --> 00:33:51,815 Please, somebody shut this lunatic up. 529 00:33:51,886 --> 00:33:54,411 l've been trying to shut this lunatic up for 15 years. 530 00:33:54,489 --> 00:33:55,979 Ain't no way of shutting him up. 531 00:33:56,057 --> 00:33:58,525 But l'd rather listen to him jibber-jabber, than to you whine. 532 00:33:58,593 --> 00:34:00,151 Well, there's got to be a way. 533 00:34:00,228 --> 00:34:02,059 Then let's go, Murdock, what's the idea? 534 00:34:02,130 --> 00:34:05,463 Well, most of you know me first of all, as H.M. Murdock. 535 00:34:05,533 --> 00:34:10,493 But in my movie career, l'm known far and wide by my stuntman's name. 536 00:34:10,571 --> 00:34:12,903 Look, Murdock, l don't wanna hear no stuff about no Tommy Danger. 537 00:34:12,974 --> 00:34:15,568 Well, then, you better stuff some of that gold in your ear, big guy... 538 00:34:15,643 --> 00:34:17,235 because l'm on a roll. 539 00:34:17,311 --> 00:34:20,838 My stuntman persona is... 540 00:34:21,449 --> 00:34:22,848 Tommy Danger. 541 00:34:22,917 --> 00:34:27,877 l'm known best of all for my high falls, and my helicopter stunts. 542 00:34:27,955 --> 00:34:32,187 But foremost, especially and most spectacularly... 543 00:34:32,593 --> 00:34:34,754 for my death scenes. 544 00:34:34,829 --> 00:34:37,354 Tommy Danger is known far and wide... 545 00:34:37,432 --> 00:34:40,401 for his ability to eat lead, boys and girls. 546 00:34:40,468 --> 00:34:42,436 Yes, sir, you heard me. 547 00:34:42,503 --> 00:34:44,869 He can take a bullet better than any man alive. 548 00:34:44,939 --> 00:34:48,102 Now, l suggest... 549 00:34:48,576 --> 00:34:50,976 that Hannibal shoot me... 550 00:34:51,412 --> 00:34:54,973 and then turn his attention to Jerry the German out there... 551 00:34:55,049 --> 00:34:57,745 and scare him into surrendering and... 552 00:34:58,753 --> 00:35:00,380 l also suggest... 553 00:35:01,322 --> 00:35:02,880 that he use... 554 00:35:04,425 --> 00:35:06,552 this ordinary pen... 555 00:35:07,462 --> 00:35:11,023 which l will turn into a deadly... 556 00:35:11,766 --> 00:35:13,893 3-shot repeater. 557 00:35:14,268 --> 00:35:15,496 Observe. 558 00:35:17,271 --> 00:35:18,260 [mimicking gunshot] 559 00:35:18,339 --> 00:35:19,465 [groaning] 560 00:35:26,247 --> 00:35:27,509 Ringo... 561 00:35:28,182 --> 00:35:32,983 Ringo, please, please don't let me die with my boots on. 562 00:35:39,060 --> 00:35:41,893 l like it. Now, all we need is a squib. 563 00:35:58,412 --> 00:35:59,401 Beautiful. 564 00:35:59,480 --> 00:36:01,107 What's this all about, Johnny? 565 00:36:02,250 --> 00:36:04,275 We just came up with an escape plan. 566 00:36:09,757 --> 00:36:12,749 We must move quickly. lt's become very sloppy. 567 00:36:13,094 --> 00:36:16,325 Tell Marco Cortez to clear out our accounts in Argentina... 568 00:36:16,397 --> 00:36:18,194 and bring the money here immediately. 569 00:36:18,266 --> 00:36:21,394 We will fly to Switzerland and then go on to the island. 570 00:36:22,270 --> 00:36:24,795 l don't want to argue about it. Do as l say! 571 00:36:29,310 --> 00:36:32,006 This was supposed to be a quiet place... 572 00:36:32,847 --> 00:36:36,681 to rest, to collect my money before disappearing. 573 00:36:36,751 --> 00:36:39,242 And l've Hollywood filmmakers... 574 00:36:39,654 --> 00:36:42,122 who disarm my security forces. 575 00:36:42,456 --> 00:36:44,583 They may have called for help. 576 00:36:44,659 --> 00:36:47,150 Who knows what they may have done? We have little time. 577 00:36:47,228 --> 00:36:49,822 They got lucky. Anybody can get lucky. 578 00:36:51,899 --> 00:36:54,493 Who counts on luck to decide anything? 579 00:36:57,004 --> 00:36:59,131 Tomorrow morning, at dawn... 580 00:37:00,041 --> 00:37:03,477 you will take these men to the ranch where the women are being held. 581 00:37:03,544 --> 00:37:05,034 Kill them all. 582 00:37:05,379 --> 00:37:08,576 And then go on to the town and kill the men there. 583 00:37:08,749 --> 00:37:10,011 Set a fire. 584 00:37:10,084 --> 00:37:14,145 Nobody must be left to tell of my existence. 585 00:37:16,457 --> 00:37:18,550 There's no reason to kill 30 people. 586 00:37:18,626 --> 00:37:22,153 lt'll bring the police, it'll cause an international incident. 587 00:37:22,230 --> 00:37:24,061 lf they know that l was here... 588 00:37:24,131 --> 00:37:27,123 they will find a way to trace me to the island. 589 00:37:27,201 --> 00:37:29,601 Somebody will remember the tail number of the helicopter... 590 00:37:29,670 --> 00:37:31,467 that brought me here, or will remember that... 591 00:37:31,539 --> 00:37:34,099 l made several calls to Geneva. 592 00:37:34,175 --> 00:37:36,905 Or, your description. 593 00:37:37,311 --> 00:37:39,438 You were seen on the island. 594 00:37:39,747 --> 00:37:43,877 A composite drawing perhaps, that will be circulated. 595 00:37:43,951 --> 00:37:47,580 Bits, pieces, little facts, remembered moments... 596 00:37:47,655 --> 00:37:50,419 they must all be eliminated. 597 00:37:55,796 --> 00:37:57,286 And if that... 598 00:37:57,732 --> 00:37:59,632 is not reason enough... 599 00:38:01,135 --> 00:38:02,625 consider this. 600 00:38:03,137 --> 00:38:05,435 Okay, mate, you made your point. 601 00:39:18,846 --> 00:39:21,781 l knew you were here, De Jero. l could smell you. 602 00:39:30,858 --> 00:39:31,984 That the best you can do? 603 00:39:32,059 --> 00:39:36,393 You will be taken to a field where a large hole has been dug. 604 00:39:36,464 --> 00:39:38,762 You will be shot and buried. 605 00:39:39,333 --> 00:39:43,429 No one, not even the buzzards, will know you are there. 606 00:39:43,504 --> 00:39:45,301 Not a very graceful conclusion... 607 00:39:45,373 --> 00:39:46,931 to an exciting life, do you think? 608 00:39:47,008 --> 00:39:48,270 Put them in the truck. 609 00:40:10,865 --> 00:40:13,857 B.A., l can't pull this off with my hands tied. 610 00:40:13,934 --> 00:40:15,367 [grunting] 611 00:40:27,782 --> 00:40:30,114 l think l dislocated my shoulder. 612 00:40:30,918 --> 00:40:33,250 This stuff must be 1000-pound test. 613 00:40:37,058 --> 00:40:38,389 Get ready. 614 00:40:40,194 --> 00:40:41,422 [groans] 615 00:40:45,433 --> 00:40:48,027 Okay, you guys know what to do. 616 00:41:09,256 --> 00:41:11,986 l need talk to somebody. l got things to tell. They got weapons. 617 00:41:12,059 --> 00:41:14,289 Shut up, Murdock. Don't you tell me to shut up. 618 00:41:14,361 --> 00:41:15,988 You shut up yourself. Who are you? 619 00:41:16,063 --> 00:41:18,930 You brought me down here for your own advantage. 620 00:41:18,999 --> 00:41:21,968 Well, l don't wanna die. l want to go home. 621 00:41:22,036 --> 00:41:23,594 He's got a gun and he's gonna kill you! 622 00:41:23,671 --> 00:41:24,831 Who's got a gun? He does! 623 00:41:24,905 --> 00:41:26,304 Damn you, Murdock! 624 00:41:28,642 --> 00:41:30,166 (Hannibal) Drop your weapon. 625 00:41:30,244 --> 00:41:31,541 No, don't fire. 626 00:41:32,313 --> 00:41:34,110 lt's a trick, get the women! 627 00:41:36,917 --> 00:41:39,385 You're coming with me for protection, pal. 628 00:42:00,074 --> 00:42:01,439 Please! No! 629 00:42:02,042 --> 00:42:03,134 Stop! 630 00:42:22,229 --> 00:42:23,787 Please! Don't! 631 00:42:30,738 --> 00:42:32,603 Stop, stop. 632 00:43:07,775 --> 00:43:09,242 How'd l do, Colonel? How'd l do? 633 00:43:09,310 --> 00:43:11,870 Oh, it was a great death scene, Murdock. 634 00:43:11,946 --> 00:43:13,538 One of the best. 635 00:43:16,183 --> 00:43:18,583 Now, this was an E-ticket ride. 636 00:43:18,886 --> 00:43:22,879 You didn't get your coupon. But, who cares when you're having fun? 637 00:43:28,963 --> 00:43:30,555 (Decker) l know this guy's one weakness... 638 00:43:30,631 --> 00:43:32,030 is playing these geek monsters. 639 00:43:32,099 --> 00:43:35,694 He's gonna show. l'm going in. Captain, you're with me. 640 00:43:36,070 --> 00:43:39,164 Nobody moves off this position until l give them the word. 641 00:43:39,240 --> 00:43:41,003 We're on Channel 15. 642 00:43:41,275 --> 00:43:43,243 Cooper, you moved early last time. 643 00:43:43,310 --> 00:43:46,336 You make a move on him this time without my authorization... 644 00:43:46,413 --> 00:43:50,440 and you're gonna be peeling spuds in the officers' mess for the next two years. 645 00:43:50,517 --> 00:43:52,075 Right, sir. Move out, Captain. 646 00:43:57,391 --> 00:43:59,985 Military police. l want to talk to your manager. 647 00:44:00,060 --> 00:44:01,288 Yeah. Sure. 648 00:44:01,362 --> 00:44:02,761 Mr. Deever. 649 00:44:02,830 --> 00:44:04,695 Deever. He's the owner. 650 00:44:06,433 --> 00:44:07,866 What do you want, honey? 651 00:44:07,935 --> 00:44:11,302 These men are military police. They want to talk to you. 652 00:44:11,438 --> 00:44:12,871 What is it, sonny? 653 00:44:13,340 --> 00:44:14,364 Oh. 654 00:44:14,842 --> 00:44:18,209 They're in the army. Used to be in the army myself. 655 00:44:18,746 --> 00:44:21,476 Yeah, in the big one. World War l. 656 00:44:21,782 --> 00:44:23,443 That's nice. Look. 657 00:44:23,884 --> 00:44:26,580 There might be some fugitives in this theatre. Huh? 658 00:44:26,654 --> 00:44:29,987 There might be some fugitives in this theatre. Oh, fugitives. 659 00:44:30,057 --> 00:44:33,584 The Captain and l want to go in and check out your house. 660 00:44:36,163 --> 00:44:38,996 You have to be on the run to want to see this turkey. 661 00:44:39,066 --> 00:44:40,761 Come on, l'll show you the way. 662 00:44:40,834 --> 00:44:42,825 Can l give you a hand? No. 663 00:44:42,970 --> 00:44:44,699 Maybe up the steps, here. 664 00:44:44,772 --> 00:44:47,673 l got a piece of shrapnel. Some of Jerry's shrapnel. 665 00:44:48,409 --> 00:44:49,808 At the Argonne forest. 666 00:44:49,877 --> 00:44:52,505 Well, let me give you a little help. Thank you very much. 667 00:44:52,579 --> 00:44:53,944 [groaning] There we go. 668 00:44:54,581 --> 00:44:57,641 We got at them with our .50's. Kaboom! Kaboom! Kaboom! 669 00:44:57,718 --> 00:44:59,379 You got them. Yeah. 670 00:45:00,220 --> 00:45:01,653 We let them have it with the gas. 671 00:45:01,722 --> 00:45:02,711 [hissing] 672 00:45:02,790 --> 00:45:04,553 Look, can we move along? 673 00:45:04,625 --> 00:45:06,820 l got a job to do. Yes, sir, doing my best here. 674 00:45:06,894 --> 00:45:08,418 How is that? That's great. 675 00:45:08,495 --> 00:45:10,019 That fast? Yes, sir, General. 676 00:45:10,097 --> 00:45:12,224 You bet, here we go. Yeah. 677 00:45:12,299 --> 00:45:13,766 Over the top. 678 00:45:13,834 --> 00:45:15,825 Over there. World War l? 679 00:45:15,903 --> 00:45:17,234 Over there. You bet. 680 00:45:17,304 --> 00:45:19,272 Yeah, trenches. Yes, sir. 681 00:45:19,640 --> 00:45:21,574 Over there. Oh, yeah. 682 00:45:22,543 --> 00:45:25,239 l'm going to get over there in a minute, sonny. 683 00:45:25,713 --> 00:45:29,046 This here steel door is to an observation room. 684 00:45:30,250 --> 00:45:33,515 You can look right down into the theatre. 685 00:45:35,422 --> 00:45:36,787 That way... 686 00:45:37,658 --> 00:45:41,788 you can spot your man without disturbing the audience. 687 00:45:45,566 --> 00:45:46,828 Oh, drat. 688 00:45:49,403 --> 00:45:52,566 Here, here, here. Hold this, let me do it. Give me. Give me. 689 00:45:52,639 --> 00:45:53,970 All right. 690 00:45:55,109 --> 00:45:56,474 You got it? 691 00:45:57,077 --> 00:46:00,171 Nothing to it. Nothing to it, General. Thank you. 692 00:46:03,183 --> 00:46:06,175 You dummy! This is the wrong room. 693 00:46:06,920 --> 00:46:08,911 You got the wrong room, Decker. 694 00:46:09,022 --> 00:46:10,387 [locking] 695 00:46:10,624 --> 00:46:12,421 Excuse me, young man. 696 00:46:13,260 --> 00:46:15,854 Thank you. Hello, honey. 697 00:46:17,030 --> 00:46:20,431 Fellow told me to tell you that Colonel Decker... 698 00:46:21,168 --> 00:46:24,604 is locked in a concrete room and not to worry. 699 00:46:26,073 --> 00:46:27,563 [exclaiming] 700 00:46:33,013 --> 00:46:34,480 Roll it, Jer. 701 00:46:35,282 --> 00:46:36,874 Marvin, roll it. 702 00:46:45,759 --> 00:46:47,249 (Jerry) l don't know, Johnny. 703 00:46:47,327 --> 00:46:50,125 l still think iridescent purple would have looked good. 704 00:46:50,197 --> 00:46:52,791 (Hannibal) Trust me, Jer, l know sea monsters. 705 00:46:53,734 --> 00:46:56,897 After all, show business is my life. 706 00:46:57,538 --> 00:46:58,800 [roaring]