1 00:00:02,949 --> 00:00:05,611 You're not Hannibal? Oh, Jim Beam's the name... 2 00:00:05,686 --> 00:00:07,779 [stammering] and drinking's the game. 3 00:00:07,854 --> 00:00:08,980 Well, then where is he? 4 00:00:09,056 --> 00:00:10,182 Who the heck are you? 5 00:00:10,324 --> 00:00:11,882 Jack? Jack Daniels. 6 00:00:11,958 --> 00:00:13,653 l think they got a body laundry. 7 00:00:13,794 --> 00:00:15,591 There's a piece of nifty news. 8 00:00:15,662 --> 00:00:17,254 B.A., l'm coming over the wall. 9 00:00:18,665 --> 00:00:21,566 We're gonna open a mission across the street from the Moonlight Mission... 10 00:00:21,635 --> 00:00:22,795 and run them out of business. 11 00:00:22,869 --> 00:00:23,893 Hallelujah! 12 00:00:27,741 --> 00:00:30,574 This is all too good to be true. l know. 13 00:00:33,347 --> 00:00:35,815 (male narrator) In 1972, a crack commando unit... 14 00:00:35,882 --> 00:00:37,577 was sent to prison by a military court... 15 00:00:37,651 --> 00:00:39,084 for a crime they didn't commit. 16 00:00:39,152 --> 00:00:40,414 These men promptly escaped... 17 00:00:40,487 --> 00:00:42,148 from a maximum-security stockade... 18 00:00:42,222 --> 00:00:43,814 to the Los Angeles underground. 19 00:00:43,890 --> 00:00:45,414 Today, still wanted by the government... 20 00:00:45,492 --> 00:00:47,426 they survive as soldiers of fortune. 21 00:00:47,494 --> 00:00:50,088 If you have a problem, if no one else can help... 22 00:00:50,163 --> 00:00:51,357 and if you can find them... 23 00:00:51,431 --> 00:00:53,729 maybe you can hire the A-Team. 24 00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:55,233 [gun firing] 25 00:02:28,628 --> 00:02:30,118 May l take your order, sir? 26 00:02:30,330 --> 00:02:31,888 Just coffee for now, please. 27 00:02:34,734 --> 00:02:35,792 [cutlery rattling] 28 00:02:36,703 --> 00:02:39,263 l rest my case, mein Colonel. 29 00:02:39,406 --> 00:02:42,603 The woman came to the table, she looked around... 30 00:02:42,676 --> 00:02:44,610 and she saw only you. 31 00:02:44,678 --> 00:02:46,043 lt's because l'm better-looking. 32 00:02:46,112 --> 00:02:47,101 [laughing] 33 00:02:47,380 --> 00:02:49,712 lt's because l made myself invisible. 34 00:02:49,783 --> 00:02:52,217 l saw you the whole time, Murdock. 35 00:02:52,385 --> 00:02:54,649 You see, Colonel, all l have to do... 36 00:02:54,721 --> 00:02:56,985 is just think of white paper. 37 00:02:57,190 --> 00:02:59,590 Just concentrate on white paper, white paper... 38 00:02:59,659 --> 00:03:03,220 and then whammo-bammo, l'm gone. People can't see me. 39 00:03:03,396 --> 00:03:04,795 [chuckling] 40 00:03:04,865 --> 00:03:06,457 [people chattering] 41 00:03:22,816 --> 00:03:24,408 Hi, Hannibal. Hi, guys. 42 00:03:24,818 --> 00:03:27,719 Well, that's her. That's my new ride. 43 00:03:27,787 --> 00:03:29,652 (Face) Loudest noise in it is the electric clock. 44 00:03:29,723 --> 00:03:31,350 Man, is that clock loud. 45 00:03:31,625 --> 00:03:33,149 [tires squealing] 46 00:03:35,095 --> 00:03:36,619 [sighing] Oh, boy. 47 00:03:36,930 --> 00:03:38,420 Where's Murdock? 48 00:03:38,999 --> 00:03:40,762 Here he is. Right here, man. Where? 49 00:03:41,902 --> 00:03:44,735 Nice try, Face, but l know you picked him up this morning... 50 00:03:44,804 --> 00:03:47,466 so you've already seen his ''Carmine the lnvisible'' act. 51 00:03:47,574 --> 00:03:50,509 l'm coming back into focus. 52 00:03:50,610 --> 00:03:53,443 (Murdock) My molecular structure is reversing. 53 00:03:53,647 --> 00:03:56,980 l'm solid and.... And l'm back. Hi, guys. Miss me? 54 00:03:57,284 --> 00:03:59,582 Oh, my gosh. There he is. He's back. 55 00:03:59,920 --> 00:04:01,979 (Face) Minus the baseball cap, of course. 56 00:04:03,123 --> 00:04:04,647 Oh, by the way, reason l'm late is... 57 00:04:04,724 --> 00:04:06,885 l stopped off to sign the sales agreement. 58 00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:10,152 Yeah, l figured, with all the cash we got now, why not? 59 00:04:10,230 --> 00:04:14,223 You only live once, guys. You gotta grab all the gusto and Excaliburs you can. 60 00:04:14,301 --> 00:04:16,531 We don't have the money yet. 61 00:04:16,937 --> 00:04:18,928 We haven't even taken the job yet. 62 00:04:19,205 --> 00:04:20,968 [whispering] She's coming back. She's coming back. 63 00:04:21,041 --> 00:04:24,169 Now, watch this. l'm going to fade out. Don't let this spook you. 64 00:04:25,612 --> 00:04:27,239 Hi. Coffee? 65 00:04:27,514 --> 00:04:28,742 Yeah, thanks. 66 00:04:28,982 --> 00:04:30,040 Milk. 67 00:04:33,086 --> 00:04:34,451 lt's getting easier. 68 00:04:35,021 --> 00:04:37,751 When l first realized l could do this... 69 00:04:37,857 --> 00:04:40,724 it would take sometimes an hour or more... 70 00:04:40,827 --> 00:04:42,522 for me to reverse my molecular structure. 71 00:04:42,596 --> 00:04:45,030 You know, Murdock, sometime l wish you were invisible... 72 00:04:45,098 --> 00:04:46,690 'cause you don't ever seem to go away. 73 00:04:46,766 --> 00:04:49,633 Guys, this Christina Trapolis is a little bit too good to be true. 74 00:04:49,703 --> 00:04:51,864 l mean, she wants us to fly to Monaco... 75 00:04:51,938 --> 00:04:54,202 spend two weeks in her penthouse apartment... 76 00:04:54,274 --> 00:04:56,435 followed by 10 days in her 200-foot yacht... 77 00:04:56,509 --> 00:04:59,273 all in the name of upgrading her security. 78 00:04:59,346 --> 00:05:04,181 And for this hazardous piece of work, she's willing to pay $300,000... 79 00:05:04,250 --> 00:05:05,410 half of it up front. 80 00:05:05,485 --> 00:05:07,851 She should be selling bridges in Brooklyn. 81 00:05:07,921 --> 00:05:09,388 Oh, come on, Hannibal, please! 82 00:05:09,456 --> 00:05:12,687 The Brooklyn Bridge goes for $500,000, $600,000 minimum. 83 00:05:12,993 --> 00:05:15,655 Believe me, l know. l've sold it twice already. 84 00:05:16,730 --> 00:05:18,664 Boy, l'd love to own that bridge. 85 00:05:18,999 --> 00:05:20,830 l think she's a bird dog for Decker. 86 00:05:20,900 --> 00:05:24,131 l'm going to run her past Jack Daniels when she brings the money this afternoon. 87 00:05:24,204 --> 00:05:28,197 l've got it set up in an alley downtown. But l want you guys on a roof. 88 00:05:28,742 --> 00:05:32,337 l've got a feeling that Decker's gonna show, and l might need a bail-out. 89 00:05:35,281 --> 00:05:38,375 Oh, when did you come in? Can l get you some coffee? 90 00:05:40,887 --> 00:05:43,378 Wait a minute. l ain't going for it, guys. 91 00:05:43,757 --> 00:05:45,588 You told her. She's in on this. 92 00:06:09,115 --> 00:06:10,776 Tell B.A. he's in place. 93 00:06:11,651 --> 00:06:14,347 lnvisible Apple to Apple 1, lnvisible Apple to Apple 1, come in. 94 00:06:14,421 --> 00:06:16,218 Hey, fool, you Apple 2. 95 00:06:16,289 --> 00:06:18,086 Now, don't be messing with the radio codes. 96 00:06:18,158 --> 00:06:20,217 Now, this is lnvisible Apple reporting... 97 00:06:20,293 --> 00:06:22,124 that Apple 3 is in position... 98 00:06:22,195 --> 00:06:24,186 and Apple 4 is on the binoculars. 99 00:06:24,664 --> 00:06:28,600 And yours truly is moving in and out of a rainstorm of molecular activity. 100 00:06:28,735 --> 00:06:29,929 [garbage clattering] 101 00:06:30,003 --> 00:06:31,436 [bottles rolling] 102 00:06:33,106 --> 00:06:34,767 l didn't hear you come in. 103 00:06:35,108 --> 00:06:37,872 [slurring] l have been looking for a new domicile. 104 00:06:38,912 --> 00:06:41,073 Jim Beam. Jack Daniels. 105 00:06:41,147 --> 00:06:44,810 A moniker, l admit, but it shields me... 106 00:06:45,351 --> 00:06:48,912 from the torments of reflective introspection. 107 00:06:49,289 --> 00:06:52,486 You use some pretty fancy words there, Jack. 108 00:06:52,826 --> 00:06:56,091 lt's a holdover from my early days. 109 00:06:56,396 --> 00:06:59,763 Listen, if l was you, l wouldn't sleep in this alley. 110 00:06:59,833 --> 00:07:02,358 Two guys disappeared in the last two weeks. 111 00:07:02,702 --> 00:07:03,862 ls that so? 112 00:07:04,504 --> 00:07:06,267 For what purpose? Don't know. 113 00:07:06,372 --> 00:07:09,239 They got some guy down here picking off our guys. 114 00:07:09,843 --> 00:07:12,869 l don't know why. l've been trying to stay at the mission... 115 00:07:12,946 --> 00:07:16,382 but after two or three days they make you, you know, pack up and go off... 116 00:07:16,449 --> 00:07:18,110 let somebody else have a chance. 117 00:07:18,351 --> 00:07:21,787 But they got a list. Two weeks before you can go back again. 118 00:07:21,855 --> 00:07:24,847 Did anybody call the constabulary? 119 00:07:24,924 --> 00:07:26,789 You may have noticed that the police... 120 00:07:26,860 --> 00:07:29,658 don't have a real high interest in bums. 121 00:07:29,896 --> 00:07:31,420 [both laughing] 122 00:07:33,133 --> 00:07:34,464 Are you hungry, Jack? 123 00:07:35,335 --> 00:07:37,496 Look. You see that restaurant down there? 124 00:07:37,570 --> 00:07:40,437 Guy at the mission told me you get a handout down there. 125 00:07:40,874 --> 00:07:43,104 Ask for William. William. 126 00:07:44,377 --> 00:07:46,140 l thank you for your courtesy. 127 00:07:52,352 --> 00:07:53,341 [exhaling] 128 00:07:54,587 --> 00:07:55,986 [pigeons cooing] 129 00:07:57,123 --> 00:07:58,988 Molecules, they don't know nothing. 130 00:07:59,125 --> 00:08:01,923 No, you got to use mental stimulation. 131 00:08:02,996 --> 00:08:04,554 Electrified ions-- Hey, Murdock, l'm in a.... 132 00:08:04,631 --> 00:08:06,428 Who are you talking to? What are you talking about? 133 00:08:06,499 --> 00:08:07,966 Never mind, never mind. Listen. 134 00:08:08,034 --> 00:08:10,195 We got a small problem. l'm a little confused. 135 00:08:10,270 --> 00:08:12,670 There's two winos down there. Now, l don't know which is which. 136 00:08:12,739 --> 00:08:13,933 Did Hannibal have a bald head... 137 00:08:14,007 --> 00:08:16,202 or did he have the beard and the red hair? What you asking me for? 138 00:08:16,276 --> 00:08:18,540 You're the one who goes and buys the wigs and the makeup all the time. 139 00:08:18,611 --> 00:08:19,771 Well, listen, there are two winos there... 140 00:08:19,846 --> 00:08:22,906 one of them just sitting still, the other one's gone to the back of the restaurant. 141 00:08:22,982 --> 00:08:25,382 Well, then, we'll have to go down there and take a look at them. 142 00:08:25,451 --> 00:08:27,919 No. Hannibal would be the one sitting down. No, not necessarily. 143 00:08:27,987 --> 00:08:29,750 lf he thought there was gonna be trouble, he might move... 144 00:08:29,823 --> 00:08:31,791 away from the other wino. Negatory, good buddy. Negatory. 145 00:08:31,858 --> 00:08:34,588 Hannibal would be holding his turf, knowing that if he was with a wino... 146 00:08:34,661 --> 00:08:37,357 we wouldn't know which wino was his wino, which wino wasn't his wino. 147 00:08:37,430 --> 00:08:40,228 And the wino he was is the wino he'd want us to see, you know? 148 00:08:44,370 --> 00:08:49,034 Good sir, l am seeking one known as William. 149 00:08:56,950 --> 00:08:58,315 [Hannibal moaning] 150 00:09:00,987 --> 00:09:02,386 lnvisible Apple to Apple 1 . 151 00:09:02,455 --> 00:09:03,820 (Murdock) We got two winos in the alley. 152 00:09:03,890 --> 00:09:06,154 Face thinks that Hannibal is the wino that moved away from you. 153 00:09:06,226 --> 00:09:08,922 l think Hannibal is the one sitting right in the middle of the alley. 154 00:09:08,995 --> 00:09:10,257 But it's up to you, big guy. 155 00:09:10,330 --> 00:09:12,821 l mean, this is too tall to call from the top of Spencer's Mountain. 156 00:09:12,899 --> 00:09:14,059 (B.A.) Right. 157 00:09:14,434 --> 00:09:15,423 [exclaiming] 158 00:09:21,074 --> 00:09:23,406 (Murdock) Face! Something's shaking. Get on that walkie-talkie. 159 00:09:23,476 --> 00:09:25,535 Tell that ugly mudsucker that an ambulance just pulled up. 160 00:09:25,612 --> 00:09:27,443 Apple 1-- They're going into the restaurant. 161 00:09:27,513 --> 00:09:29,947 But Hannibal, he is still right down there in the middle of the alley. 162 00:09:30,016 --> 00:09:31,381 (Face) B.A., we got an ambulance. 163 00:09:31,451 --> 00:09:33,282 Pull up to the far side of the alley. Over. 164 00:09:42,462 --> 00:09:44,054 Listen, B.A., stay on that ambulance. 165 00:09:44,130 --> 00:09:46,428 l'm not sure who's in it. lt could be Hannibal. Could be. 166 00:09:46,499 --> 00:09:49,161 lt could be the other wino. Could be somebody from the restaurant. 167 00:09:50,470 --> 00:09:51,801 Here comes the girl. 168 00:09:52,171 --> 00:09:53,729 (B.A.) Hey, man, what do you want me to do? 169 00:09:53,806 --> 00:09:56,104 Follow the ambulance or watch the dude in the alley? 170 00:09:56,175 --> 00:09:58,905 l'm telling you, that's Hannibal sitting right in the middle of the alley. 171 00:09:58,978 --> 00:10:00,343 Your call, Lieutenant. 172 00:10:02,815 --> 00:10:05,045 All right, well, stay put. She's got the briefcase. 173 00:10:05,118 --> 00:10:08,246 Remember, guys, that's our money in there. We'll hold and wait. 174 00:10:11,824 --> 00:10:13,223 l have your money. 175 00:10:13,793 --> 00:10:16,318 $150,000 in advance. 176 00:10:19,165 --> 00:10:20,427 This is my money? 177 00:10:20,566 --> 00:10:21,624 Take it. 178 00:10:28,408 --> 00:10:31,434 That's it. That's it, guys. lt's Hannibal. He's got the money. 179 00:10:33,212 --> 00:10:35,146 [siren wailing] 180 00:10:47,060 --> 00:10:48,322 Grab him! 181 00:10:48,861 --> 00:10:52,262 And throw him in the back of that truck, and don't be gentle about it. 182 00:10:52,332 --> 00:10:53,356 [exclaiming] 183 00:10:53,433 --> 00:10:56,300 They got Hannibal. lnvisible Apple to Apple 1 . They got Apple 3. 184 00:10:56,369 --> 00:10:57,529 (B.A.) Not yet, they haven't. 185 00:11:08,081 --> 00:11:11,676 Search the entire area. The rest of the A-Team can't be far. 186 00:11:13,786 --> 00:11:14,775 Corporal.... 187 00:11:20,393 --> 00:11:21,985 (driver) Hey, what's going on? 188 00:11:29,936 --> 00:11:31,028 Drop your weapons. 189 00:11:32,739 --> 00:11:34,604 (Murdock) Get down on the floor. 190 00:11:35,942 --> 00:11:37,466 (Decker) There they are. Open fire! 191 00:11:39,145 --> 00:11:41,113 [guns firing] 192 00:11:45,651 --> 00:11:46,675 Come on, Face! 193 00:12:05,772 --> 00:12:08,366 lt was a setup, but at least you got the money, Hannibal. 194 00:12:08,441 --> 00:12:11,604 (Jim) Who's Hannibal? Everybody calling me Hannibal. 195 00:12:11,677 --> 00:12:14,805 You not Hannibal? Oh, Jim Beam's the name... 196 00:12:14,881 --> 00:12:16,872 [stammering] and drinking's the game. 197 00:12:17,383 --> 00:12:19,351 Hey, guys, this ain't Hannibal. 198 00:12:20,053 --> 00:12:21,384 Well, then where is he? 199 00:12:23,823 --> 00:12:24,983 Hello, hello. 200 00:12:27,060 --> 00:12:30,962 Whom do l owe for this odyssey into the world of science? 201 00:12:31,030 --> 00:12:33,328 l understand your name is Jim Beam. 202 00:12:33,966 --> 00:12:35,957 l go by many names, sir... 203 00:12:36,069 --> 00:12:39,436 but if you could edify and clarify... 204 00:12:40,873 --> 00:12:42,397 where it is l am... 205 00:12:42,475 --> 00:12:44,966 and to what purpose? All right, do it. 206 00:12:45,044 --> 00:12:48,946 Chart and draw everything. Tattoos, identifying marks, height, weight, everything. 207 00:12:49,715 --> 00:12:52,513 Am l here for a physical examination? 208 00:12:53,286 --> 00:12:54,617 What the hell is this? 209 00:12:56,756 --> 00:12:58,155 [chuckling] Oh. 210 00:12:58,624 --> 00:12:59,784 That is a wig. 211 00:13:00,159 --> 00:13:01,717 Sometimes l wear it by itself... 212 00:13:01,794 --> 00:13:04,354 sometimes l wear it with my Groucho nose and glasses. 213 00:13:04,430 --> 00:13:06,660 (doctor) This guy's wearing makeup. Who the heck are you? 214 00:13:06,732 --> 00:13:09,064 Well, l can see why you guys are confused. 215 00:13:09,135 --> 00:13:10,363 But think about me. 216 00:13:10,670 --> 00:13:12,604 l mean, l walk into a back of a restaurant... 217 00:13:12,672 --> 00:13:15,004 and the next thing l know, l'm in a science fiction movie. 218 00:13:15,074 --> 00:13:18,066 He's not the guy we're looking for. He's not even the right age. 219 00:13:18,144 --> 00:13:21,238 l'm a newspaperman. My name is Thomas Fullerton lll. 220 00:13:21,314 --> 00:13:23,145 l was working on an article on transients... 221 00:13:23,216 --> 00:13:26,413 and l wanted to see if l could infiltrate... 222 00:13:26,486 --> 00:13:28,477 to see what l could find out. 223 00:13:28,554 --> 00:13:30,545 He's a newsman. You don't like newsmen. 224 00:13:30,823 --> 00:13:33,758 How about firemen? Mailmen? 225 00:13:34,427 --> 00:13:36,224 Cop? Wrong. 226 00:13:40,066 --> 00:13:42,364 Say, l've been trying to lay off, you know... 227 00:13:42,435 --> 00:13:45,700 l don't really think l need that. You're not very.... 228 00:13:50,977 --> 00:13:52,205 Now what do we do? 229 00:13:53,613 --> 00:13:56,207 We get a can of lye and a shovel. 230 00:13:56,282 --> 00:13:59,217 Take him out, plant him, see what comes up in the spring. 231 00:14:07,059 --> 00:14:10,324 So, you told him to go to the back of the restaurant, huh? 232 00:14:10,396 --> 00:14:11,693 Well-- Why? 233 00:14:11,764 --> 00:14:14,426 Well, there was a friend of mine at the Moonlight Mission... 234 00:14:14,534 --> 00:14:16,297 that told me there was a guy there... 235 00:14:16,369 --> 00:14:18,462 that would give me a free handout. 236 00:14:18,538 --> 00:14:20,472 Now, wait a minute, wait a minute, cuz. 237 00:14:20,540 --> 00:14:23,236 l know a little something about skid row. 238 00:14:23,309 --> 00:14:25,368 Restaurant owners don't give handouts. 239 00:14:25,444 --> 00:14:28,379 They don't want a crowd of winos hanging out in front of their restaurant. 240 00:14:28,447 --> 00:14:31,974 No, no, he told me to ask for William. He's in the kitchen. 241 00:14:32,118 --> 00:14:34,678 And then he'd give me something... 242 00:14:35,555 --> 00:14:37,853 and l told your friend Jack. Jack? 243 00:14:37,924 --> 00:14:40,791 That's what Hannibal calls his wino. Jack Daniels. 244 00:14:40,860 --> 00:14:42,327 So, you told Jack... 245 00:14:42,395 --> 00:14:44,158 and he goes to the restaurant... 246 00:14:44,230 --> 00:14:47,563 and gets slammed in the back of the ambulance and pulled out of there. 247 00:14:47,667 --> 00:14:48,861 Huh, wh-- 248 00:14:49,268 --> 00:14:50,963 W-What's going on here? 249 00:14:51,837 --> 00:14:54,328 Well, Hannibal was right about one thing. 250 00:14:54,840 --> 00:14:57,104 Christina works for Decker. 251 00:14:57,276 --> 00:14:59,710 l think l'm going to pay this guy William at the restaurant... 252 00:14:59,779 --> 00:15:01,041 a little visit. 253 00:15:01,113 --> 00:15:02,512 (Face) Good idea, B.A. 254 00:15:05,318 --> 00:15:08,082 You guys are going to set medicine back 50 years. 255 00:15:08,221 --> 00:15:09,449 What paper are you with? 256 00:15:09,522 --> 00:15:12,753 The Buffalo Chip Town Crier and Farm Report. 257 00:15:13,059 --> 00:15:16,119 l don't like it, Jack. He sounds like a cop. Shut up, Bobby. 258 00:15:17,597 --> 00:15:19,064 You better start talking, friend... 259 00:15:19,131 --> 00:15:21,691 or l'm going to do open-heart surgery with this shovel. 260 00:15:22,101 --> 00:15:24,729 ln that case, l got two questions. 261 00:15:25,938 --> 00:15:29,101 Are you sure you're qualified, and will it hurt? 262 00:15:29,375 --> 00:15:30,774 A wise guy, huh? 263 00:15:32,011 --> 00:15:33,774 (doctor) All right, let's go! 264 00:15:37,683 --> 00:15:39,173 (B.A.) The MPs are still around. 265 00:15:39,252 --> 00:15:41,083 They're probably in there asking questions. 266 00:15:41,153 --> 00:15:42,677 One of us have to go in. 267 00:15:42,989 --> 00:15:44,388 lt's gotta be Murdock. 268 00:15:44,590 --> 00:15:46,854 He's the only one who's not wanted by the MPs. 269 00:15:49,829 --> 00:15:50,989 Let's go. 270 00:16:09,115 --> 00:16:11,743 White paper. White paper. 271 00:16:11,884 --> 00:16:14,182 l'm concentrating on white paper. 272 00:16:15,154 --> 00:16:17,850 l'm gone, right, Face? You always have been, Murdock. 273 00:16:26,766 --> 00:16:29,234 (MP) Oh, man, nobody ever comes in here. 274 00:16:38,177 --> 00:16:39,769 l'm looking for William. 275 00:16:40,179 --> 00:16:42,340 Hey, William, you got a visitor. 276 00:16:52,792 --> 00:16:55,989 William? l thought someone was there. 277 00:16:58,464 --> 00:16:59,761 [Hannibal panting] 278 00:17:03,336 --> 00:17:04,997 Now, l don't want to complain... 279 00:17:05,271 --> 00:17:08,365 but l don't believe this area's been properly irrigated. 280 00:17:08,708 --> 00:17:11,905 l mean, l'm only down here about four feet, and l'm down to bedrock. 281 00:17:12,411 --> 00:17:15,005 Now, if you want a nice, deep grave... 282 00:17:15,081 --> 00:17:17,481 l mean, where l won't get plowed up in the spring... 283 00:17:17,550 --> 00:17:20,610 we really ought to try over by the road. Shut up! 284 00:17:20,686 --> 00:17:23,211 l'm getting tired of your chatter and your crummy jokes. 285 00:17:23,289 --> 00:17:25,257 You act like you're going to a birthday party. 286 00:17:25,324 --> 00:17:26,951 We're going to kill you, goofball. 287 00:17:27,093 --> 00:17:28,958 Really? Tough luck for me. 288 00:17:29,695 --> 00:17:32,061 l got a good joke for you. Gorilla story. 289 00:17:34,567 --> 00:17:37,365 This gorilla comes into a bar and orders a drink. 290 00:17:37,436 --> 00:17:38,733 Bartender doesn't know what to do... 291 00:17:38,804 --> 00:17:41,398 so he goes down the bar and he asks the owner. 292 00:17:41,474 --> 00:17:44,773 Now, the owner, he never had a gorilla in his bar before... 293 00:17:44,844 --> 00:17:47,506 and he doesn't want his bar to become a hangout for gorillas... 294 00:17:47,580 --> 00:17:51,175 but he doesn't want this animal to get angry and tear the place up... 295 00:17:51,283 --> 00:17:55,117 so he says, ''Serve him, charge him $20. Maybe he'll go away.'' 296 00:17:55,921 --> 00:17:57,786 So the bartender does. 297 00:17:58,157 --> 00:18:00,955 He grabs the gorilla's $20 and he says... 298 00:18:02,228 --> 00:18:03,957 ''We don't get many gorillas in here''... 299 00:18:04,997 --> 00:18:09,024 and the gorilla says, ''No wonder, look at the prices you charge.'' 300 00:18:11,704 --> 00:18:13,262 [laughing] Great story, huh? 301 00:18:13,339 --> 00:18:15,068 [all laughing] 302 00:18:15,307 --> 00:18:18,936 Keep them coming, whitey. You're gonna die laughing. 303 00:18:19,178 --> 00:18:21,669 Well, promises, promises. 304 00:18:22,548 --> 00:18:23,913 Uh-oh. 305 00:18:24,316 --> 00:18:25,977 l'm gonna need that pickax. 306 00:18:26,886 --> 00:18:28,046 Cover him. 307 00:18:30,823 --> 00:18:32,290 Now, everybody stand back. 308 00:18:32,925 --> 00:18:35,655 l don't want anybody hit by flying rock. 309 00:18:37,096 --> 00:18:38,563 As l always like to say... 310 00:18:39,432 --> 00:18:42,162 a cautious worker never needs an excuse. 311 00:18:52,478 --> 00:18:54,241 He's getting away. Get him! 312 00:18:55,014 --> 00:18:57,005 [guns firing] 313 00:19:35,254 --> 00:19:39,816 Okay, Bill. The temperature of the water in this place is 200 degrees, huh? 314 00:19:40,459 --> 00:19:43,690 Now, l hate to see you get parboiled... 315 00:19:43,762 --> 00:19:45,992 with Murdock's sock in your mouth... 316 00:19:46,065 --> 00:19:49,933 so why don't you tell us who you're working for... 317 00:19:50,002 --> 00:19:52,266 and where Hannibal's been taken? 318 00:19:52,638 --> 00:19:55,607 [muffled groaning] 319 00:19:56,342 --> 00:19:59,778 No screaming, huh? This is a very sedate hotel... 320 00:19:59,845 --> 00:20:02,245 and l'd hate to lose my ''preferred guest'' standing. 321 00:20:02,314 --> 00:20:04,407 Look, look, honest, l don't know. 322 00:20:04,483 --> 00:20:05,973 Some guy l never saw before... 323 00:20:06,051 --> 00:20:08,747 gave me $200 to chloroform a bum. 324 00:20:09,054 --> 00:20:11,648 He gave me the chloroform, he told me how to use it. 325 00:20:12,424 --> 00:20:14,619 Well, what did this guy look like, William? 326 00:20:14,693 --> 00:20:16,684 He was a big guy, huge shoulders. 327 00:20:16,762 --> 00:20:19,890 He had a little head, he weighed maybe 200 pounds, maybe more. 328 00:20:20,299 --> 00:20:22,767 He had a tattoo, an anchor on his arm. 329 00:20:22,835 --> 00:20:24,268 Bluto. Yeah. 330 00:20:24,570 --> 00:20:25,662 B.A. 331 00:20:27,940 --> 00:20:30,067 (Face) lf l were you, l'd start talking. 332 00:20:31,176 --> 00:20:33,667 Honest. That's what he looks like. 333 00:20:33,879 --> 00:20:36,074 (Face) The water's just going to get hotter and hotter. 334 00:20:36,148 --> 00:20:38,139 l'm not lying, l promise. 335 00:20:38,984 --> 00:20:40,781 l think he's telling the truth, Face. 336 00:20:40,853 --> 00:20:42,753 He gave up being tough 20 minutes ago. 337 00:20:42,821 --> 00:20:45,756 Okay, now let's go find this guy and get a line on Hannibal. 338 00:20:45,824 --> 00:20:46,848 Bring him. 339 00:20:52,665 --> 00:20:53,927 (Face) Hannibal, what are you-- 340 00:20:53,999 --> 00:20:55,967 [Face groaning] We've been looking all over for you. 341 00:20:56,035 --> 00:20:57,229 Oh, hi, guys. 342 00:20:57,369 --> 00:20:58,734 Do you know what we've been through? 343 00:20:58,804 --> 00:21:00,396 Hey, Hannibal, where you been, man? 344 00:21:00,472 --> 00:21:01,496 l don't know... 345 00:21:01,574 --> 00:21:04,236 but l made some neat new friends. 346 00:21:04,343 --> 00:21:08,575 l met a blue-eyed whale in a sharkskin suit who calls himself Bob... 347 00:21:08,647 --> 00:21:10,239 and a doctor named Jack... 348 00:21:10,316 --> 00:21:12,750 who does open-heart surgery with gardening tools. 349 00:21:12,851 --> 00:21:14,682 What do you say, William? Who are you? 350 00:21:14,753 --> 00:21:16,152 l'm the guy you chloroformed. 351 00:21:16,221 --> 00:21:18,519 Jack Daniels was an old geezer, a wino. 352 00:21:18,958 --> 00:21:22,121 [slurring] l, Jack Daniels, remain your humble friend. 353 00:21:22,194 --> 00:21:23,593 Well, l'll be damned. 354 00:21:23,862 --> 00:21:25,921 Well, you were right, Colonel. 355 00:21:26,265 --> 00:21:28,756 Christina works for Decker. 356 00:21:28,867 --> 00:21:31,461 How much? $150,000. 357 00:21:31,537 --> 00:21:33,835 She gave it to Jim there. She thought he was you. 358 00:21:33,906 --> 00:21:36,966 Then he got picked up by Decker, who also thought he was you... 359 00:21:37,042 --> 00:21:39,306 but we broke him out. 360 00:21:39,378 --> 00:21:40,606 We thought he was you. 361 00:21:40,679 --> 00:21:44,410 But, besides saving the wrong man, we were magnificent. 362 00:21:44,483 --> 00:21:46,178 Face was hanging on the outside of the van... 363 00:21:46,251 --> 00:21:48,151 l was in my invisible station in the front seat... 364 00:21:48,220 --> 00:21:51,189 B.A. was driving and we left Decker upside down cursing. 365 00:21:51,256 --> 00:21:53,850 Boy, l'm glad that's over. Yeah, but it isn't. 366 00:21:53,926 --> 00:21:55,917 We're going to take Christina's money... 367 00:21:55,995 --> 00:21:58,657 and find out who's been killing my fellow knights of the road. 368 00:21:58,731 --> 00:22:01,097 l don't know who chloroformed me or where they took me... 369 00:22:01,166 --> 00:22:03,225 but l'm going to find out. (Murdock) l love it, Colonel. 370 00:22:03,302 --> 00:22:04,496 Well, l hate it, Colonel. 371 00:22:04,570 --> 00:22:06,401 Look, l still owe money on the Excalibur. 372 00:22:06,472 --> 00:22:09,100 B.A. owes money on the reading machines at the daycare center. 373 00:22:09,174 --> 00:22:10,266 (B.A.) That's right, man. 374 00:22:10,342 --> 00:22:13,607 Oh, come on, guys. lt's a chance to get down to skid row... 375 00:22:13,679 --> 00:22:15,544 and party with some real gentlemen. 376 00:22:15,614 --> 00:22:17,707 l mean, we got Jim to introduce us... 377 00:22:17,783 --> 00:22:19,182 and we got William to show the way. 378 00:22:19,251 --> 00:22:20,946 He doesn't even know who hired him. 379 00:22:21,020 --> 00:22:24,285 Some 200-pound bald guy with an anchor on his arm. 380 00:22:24,356 --> 00:22:25,618 Sounds like Bluto. 381 00:22:25,691 --> 00:22:27,659 There's a guy like that on the row. 382 00:22:27,726 --> 00:22:31,218 Yeah, a big guy, anchor on the arm, yeah, yeah. 383 00:22:31,330 --> 00:22:32,888 Baldheaded? That's the guy. 384 00:22:32,965 --> 00:22:34,193 Where's he hang out? 385 00:22:34,266 --> 00:22:38,032 Well, l've seen him at that Moonlight Mission on 7th Street. 386 00:22:38,103 --> 00:22:41,038 Okay, now why does Foxy Loxy and Chicken Little... 387 00:22:41,573 --> 00:22:43,837 run around in a shiny white ambulance... 388 00:22:44,009 --> 00:22:46,876 dropping the skin on defenseless winos... 389 00:22:47,012 --> 00:22:51,210 and then taking them to a state-of-the-art hospital... 390 00:22:51,717 --> 00:22:54,982 charting their age, their scars, the color of their eyes... 391 00:22:55,054 --> 00:22:58,114 and then throwing them into a 6-foot pit with a sack of lime? 392 00:22:58,190 --> 00:23:00,658 ls this multiple choice? l give up, Colonel. Why? 393 00:23:00,726 --> 00:23:02,387 l think they got a body laundry. 394 00:23:02,461 --> 00:23:05,225 l don't think they want the winos. They want the lDs. 395 00:23:05,297 --> 00:23:08,892 Bums, who went away from society for 10 years... 396 00:23:08,967 --> 00:23:11,800 but still, of course, have their birth certificates. 397 00:23:12,171 --> 00:23:15,607 l think somebody at the Moonlight Mission... 398 00:23:16,208 --> 00:23:19,473 fingers the guys who are the right age and the right eye color... 399 00:23:19,545 --> 00:23:21,172 for the guy who wants the lD. 400 00:23:21,246 --> 00:23:23,680 Then they take him to hospital and they wind up in Boot Hill. 401 00:23:23,749 --> 00:23:25,080 And then, later... 402 00:23:25,718 --> 00:23:29,245 the guy who wants the lD, with maybe some scars added... 403 00:23:29,588 --> 00:23:31,579 turns up at City Hall and says... 404 00:23:31,657 --> 00:23:33,488 ''l've been on skid row for 10 years... 405 00:23:33,559 --> 00:23:37,495 ''but l'm cleaned up now. l need a new lD.'' And the switch is complete. 406 00:23:37,563 --> 00:23:39,622 To... why? (Hannibal) Money, Face. 407 00:23:39,932 --> 00:23:43,424 You could sell those lDs to wanted felons for $100,000, easy. 408 00:23:43,736 --> 00:23:45,533 What are you going to do with me? 409 00:23:45,771 --> 00:23:48,296 Let me go, please. No, sorry, Willie. 410 00:23:48,407 --> 00:23:50,307 You better stay locked up in the bathroom. 411 00:23:50,375 --> 00:23:54,004 l hesitate to contemplate what the rest of us are gonna be doing. 412 00:23:54,079 --> 00:23:57,105 We're gonna open a mission across the street from the Moonlight Mission... 413 00:23:57,182 --> 00:23:58,581 and run them out of business. 414 00:23:58,650 --> 00:23:59,981 Welcome to... 415 00:24:00,853 --> 00:24:03,515 The Road to Hope Mission... 416 00:24:03,889 --> 00:24:07,791 with that soft-spoken preacher of the road... 417 00:24:08,827 --> 00:24:13,287 Father Foley, whose weapons are love and rosewater. 418 00:24:14,399 --> 00:24:17,391 And his renowned revivalist... 419 00:24:17,803 --> 00:24:21,569 Harry Dean Hanover. Say hallelujah! 420 00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:23,471 Hallelujah, sinners. 421 00:24:23,542 --> 00:24:26,875 Lock your hands and form a circle. We going to take stock of things tonight. 422 00:24:26,945 --> 00:24:30,312 The Lord is shining on your house and all you got to do is let him in. 423 00:24:30,382 --> 00:24:33,249 And on the organ and the tambourine... 424 00:24:33,352 --> 00:24:36,549 Brother lgnatius Blacktop, late of San Quentin... 425 00:24:36,622 --> 00:24:40,080 but now committed to the path of glory. 426 00:24:40,159 --> 00:24:41,421 l don't like it, Hannibal. 427 00:24:41,493 --> 00:24:42,755 Say hallelujah! 428 00:24:42,828 --> 00:24:44,728 B.A. Hallelujah. 429 00:24:45,030 --> 00:24:48,397 And where are you going to be, O Righteous One? 430 00:24:48,834 --> 00:24:52,292 On the roof, with a ham sandwich and a pair of binoculars... 431 00:24:52,604 --> 00:24:56,563 waiting for Lean Jack and Chubby Bob to show themselves. Neat, huh? 432 00:25:01,380 --> 00:25:02,369 [horn honking] 433 00:25:04,883 --> 00:25:07,010 Anything you scam works for me, Face. 434 00:25:07,653 --> 00:25:11,180 Like that empty building over there. lt's perfect, but l need it by tonight. 435 00:25:11,256 --> 00:25:15,090 Tonight? Oh, no, no, no, no. A good scam takes time to set up. 436 00:25:15,194 --> 00:25:16,855 Well, we can spend some money. 437 00:25:16,929 --> 00:25:19,591 Okay, okay. l'll come up with something. 438 00:25:19,665 --> 00:25:21,530 But l'll need help. l'll need... 439 00:25:23,836 --> 00:25:26,930 Murdock. lt's lnvisibility at your service. 440 00:25:36,548 --> 00:25:38,175 [[[Excalibur horn honking] 441 00:25:39,985 --> 00:25:44,752 Yes, and you must be Miss Fulbright of the real estate company? 442 00:25:44,823 --> 00:25:48,190 Missus. Pity. l'm J. Pettybean Ross. 443 00:25:48,794 --> 00:25:51,763 And this is my financial assistant, Albert Steiner. 444 00:25:51,830 --> 00:25:53,354 Pleased to meet you, l'm sure. 445 00:25:53,432 --> 00:25:57,528 Mr. Ross, l can't possibly understand what you would want with this building. 446 00:25:57,603 --> 00:26:00,766 lt's almost ready to be condemned. Condemned? 447 00:26:00,873 --> 00:26:03,341 Oh, no. Looks like we got here in the nick of time, Albert. 448 00:26:03,408 --> 00:26:04,534 l'm sure. 449 00:26:04,610 --> 00:26:06,202 Yes. My card. 450 00:26:07,813 --> 00:26:09,747 You're with the Historical Society? 451 00:26:09,815 --> 00:26:12,306 Well, the Building and Architectural Division. 452 00:26:12,384 --> 00:26:15,547 l know, l know. lt doesn't look like much... 453 00:26:16,455 --> 00:26:19,788 but underneath all that stucco and false fronting... 454 00:26:19,858 --> 00:26:24,488 lies an original Michael Fielding Spencer. 455 00:26:24,630 --> 00:26:26,757 Um.... Michael Fielding Spencer. 456 00:26:26,832 --> 00:26:27,856 [mumbling] 457 00:26:27,933 --> 00:26:29,833 Well, he's an architectural genius. 458 00:26:29,902 --> 00:26:32,598 He designed buildings in the South and Southwest. 459 00:26:32,671 --> 00:26:37,301 A few here in LA before his untimely demise in the mid-19th century. 460 00:26:37,576 --> 00:26:40,477 He was hit by a streetcar, June 16, 1948. 461 00:26:41,513 --> 00:26:45,950 Note. Beneath this shell is a classic structure. 462 00:26:46,084 --> 00:26:48,484 Note the detail on the Doric columns. 463 00:26:48,553 --> 00:26:50,544 lt's here, here, here... 464 00:26:50,656 --> 00:26:54,353 and the classical winged Cupid with a drawn bow. 465 00:26:54,693 --> 00:26:56,388 So you want to purchase the building? 466 00:26:56,461 --> 00:26:58,588 Oh, my. My, my, my, my.... 467 00:26:58,931 --> 00:27:03,459 Well, what we do, see, is we select buildings of architectural interest. 468 00:27:03,535 --> 00:27:05,526 We invest our own money in their renovation... 469 00:27:05,604 --> 00:27:09,563 and then we seek to get the Historical Society... 470 00:27:09,641 --> 00:27:12,701 to charter them as a national monument. 471 00:27:13,512 --> 00:27:16,743 Obviously, the owners will reap a substantial economic benefit. 472 00:27:16,815 --> 00:27:20,012 This is all too good to be true. l know. 473 00:27:50,749 --> 00:27:52,910 Hi. Hi, brothers. 474 00:27:53,819 --> 00:27:57,414 l'm Father Michael Bing Foley. lt's so good to see you. 475 00:27:57,489 --> 00:27:59,548 l want you to come on in and have a rest. 476 00:28:00,125 --> 00:28:04,357 Have a steak and give us your best prayer, for which we'll give you... 477 00:28:04,730 --> 00:28:07,858 the Lord's reward of $5. 478 00:28:08,100 --> 00:28:10,728 Small price to pay for the opportunity... 479 00:28:10,836 --> 00:28:13,430 to lure a sinner home to the Lord. 480 00:28:14,006 --> 00:28:17,442 You got a point there, Bingo. Yes. lndeed l do, yes. 481 00:28:17,509 --> 00:28:19,773 Well, now, won't you go on in there? 482 00:28:19,845 --> 00:28:22,780 Evangelist Harry Dean Hanover is in the rectory on your right. 483 00:28:22,848 --> 00:28:26,750 That's right, go right on in. Bless you. Home to the Lord. 484 00:28:30,355 --> 00:28:32,118 What, are those guys kidding? 485 00:28:32,190 --> 00:28:34,454 lf this keeps up, we won't have anybody in here. 486 00:28:34,559 --> 00:28:37,585 l'd better get in touch with Scarett and Colton. They ain't gonna like this. 487 00:28:39,865 --> 00:28:43,301 You say you can't find him. You say he won't come. 488 00:28:43,769 --> 00:28:47,637 He doesn't visit anymore. l say, stand up! 489 00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:51,066 Stand up and be counted. The Lord will take you back... 490 00:28:51,143 --> 00:28:53,134 if you just stick out your hand. 491 00:28:53,512 --> 00:28:55,673 You. You, sir, tell me... 492 00:28:56,148 --> 00:28:58,946 how many years have you been down here... 493 00:28:59,217 --> 00:29:01,845 laying in the self-pity of your own despair? 494 00:29:01,920 --> 00:29:06,584 (man) Sixteen years. Sixteen wine-soaked years. 495 00:29:07,259 --> 00:29:10,387 Sixteen years, laying in the gutter... 496 00:29:10,762 --> 00:29:13,128 sleeping with lice in your hat. 497 00:29:13,465 --> 00:29:17,026 Sixteen years of waste and misery. 498 00:29:17,469 --> 00:29:20,199 Well, l'm saying to you, rise up! 499 00:29:20,272 --> 00:29:22,433 Rise up and shake off this misery. 500 00:29:22,607 --> 00:29:25,235 Rise up and say hallelujah. 501 00:29:25,410 --> 00:29:26,900 Rise up and grab that.... 502 00:29:26,978 --> 00:29:29,310 Grab that devil by the neck and cast him out. 503 00:29:29,381 --> 00:29:30,848 Can you do that, brother? 504 00:29:31,083 --> 00:29:34,610 Father Blacktop, show this sinner the road to salvation. 505 00:29:34,886 --> 00:29:36,854 You can be what you wanna be, brother. 506 00:29:36,922 --> 00:29:39,413 All you got to do is believe. l will. 507 00:29:39,691 --> 00:29:41,283 Hallelujah! 508 00:29:42,327 --> 00:29:43,692 Who's next? 509 00:29:55,307 --> 00:29:56,638 lt's hard to believe. 510 00:29:56,708 --> 00:29:59,973 Hard to believe, but l'm touched. lt's a touching story. 511 00:30:00,612 --> 00:30:02,512 Welcome. l'm glad to see you. 512 00:30:02,581 --> 00:30:04,776 Hello, brother. How are you, brother? 513 00:30:04,850 --> 00:30:07,375 Welcome to your new homes, all of you. Yes, eat. 514 00:30:07,552 --> 00:30:10,851 You're gonna have three square meals a day. l'm gonna see to that. 515 00:30:11,289 --> 00:30:15,658 All the clothes you want, all the fivers you could possibly need. 516 00:30:16,261 --> 00:30:18,024 Father Bing is gonna see to that. 517 00:30:18,697 --> 00:30:20,995 Yes, it's good. 518 00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:26,162 Good to see so many well-fed men under one roof. 519 00:30:26,905 --> 00:30:30,841 lt makes me wonder where all the female bums are. 520 00:30:31,143 --> 00:30:32,235 Hello, Face. 521 00:30:34,112 --> 00:30:35,136 Yeah. 522 00:30:35,213 --> 00:30:37,340 They're here. Tell B.A. l need him. 523 00:30:37,916 --> 00:30:40,646 We're gonna follow these two cowboys back to where they hang out... 524 00:30:40,719 --> 00:30:42,084 and find out who they are. 525 00:30:42,154 --> 00:30:43,314 Right. 526 00:30:54,199 --> 00:30:55,530 [birds chirping] 527 00:31:01,840 --> 00:31:04,400 Those guys aren't doctors, they're playboys. 528 00:31:05,277 --> 00:31:07,006 Stand by on the radio, B.A. 529 00:31:16,621 --> 00:31:18,851 (Hannibal) Well, look who we got here. 530 00:31:19,257 --> 00:31:22,351 (Hannibal on walkie-talkie) Apple 3 to Apple 4. Apple 3 to Apple 4. 531 00:31:22,427 --> 00:31:23,553 Yeah, Hannibal, what's up? 532 00:31:23,662 --> 00:31:27,325 Fat Bob turns out to be E. Robert Colton... 533 00:31:27,399 --> 00:31:29,663 of the obnoxiously wealthy Coltons. 534 00:31:29,734 --> 00:31:32,259 Oil, hotels, shipping, and textiles. 535 00:31:32,604 --> 00:31:35,368 Which makes Skinny Jack some sort of underworld suckfish. 536 00:31:35,440 --> 00:31:36,805 l'm not sure how he fits in. 537 00:31:36,875 --> 00:31:38,536 What would a billionaire's son be doing... 538 00:31:38,610 --> 00:31:40,168 hanging out with a guy like that? 539 00:31:40,245 --> 00:31:43,043 Why would Christina Trapolis be hanging out with Decker? 540 00:31:43,582 --> 00:31:46,745 l mean, the idle rich are begging for strange playmates. 541 00:31:47,018 --> 00:31:49,043 Must be the French food makes their brains soft. 542 00:31:49,287 --> 00:31:51,551 Boy, l hope it's not something in the caviar. 543 00:31:51,723 --> 00:31:53,816 [Murdock preaching] Yeah. How's Murdock doing? 544 00:31:54,326 --> 00:31:57,887 Well, l believe Murdock's finally found his true calling. 545 00:31:57,963 --> 00:32:00,193 He's in there doing a rain dance now. 546 00:32:00,332 --> 00:32:02,800 Me, l'm singing White Christmas and smiling blandly. 547 00:32:02,867 --> 00:32:04,892 But they're sitting there with their mouths open... 548 00:32:04,970 --> 00:32:07,097 and we aren't even giving away fivers anymore. 549 00:32:07,172 --> 00:32:10,266 l wanted to get into E. Bob's home and feed him some bad news. 550 00:32:10,342 --> 00:32:13,004 l'm gonna need you, Face. l laid out a three-man assault tactic. 551 00:32:13,144 --> 00:32:14,270 All right, where are you? 552 00:32:14,346 --> 00:32:16,678 151 2 Cypress Court. 553 00:32:16,815 --> 00:32:18,806 Hidden Valley. All right. I'll be right there. 554 00:32:18,883 --> 00:32:20,544 Out. (Murdock) ...liquor of the soul.... 555 00:33:22,247 --> 00:33:23,475 Welcome... 556 00:33:24,215 --> 00:33:26,513 from the Buffalo Chip Town Crier and Farm Report. 557 00:33:26,584 --> 00:33:29,917 One wrong move and you got a spot in the obituary column. 558 00:33:29,988 --> 00:33:31,751 lf l call out, they'll be here in seconds. 559 00:33:31,823 --> 00:33:33,188 You do that, Bob... 560 00:33:33,258 --> 00:33:36,284 then you better tell them to bring a mop, 'cause you're gonna be history. 561 00:33:36,394 --> 00:33:39,329 Tough decision, huh? Tell you what. Let's take a field trip. 562 00:33:40,065 --> 00:33:43,501 lf you're real good, l'll let you try on one of my rubber noses. 563 00:33:44,669 --> 00:33:46,159 You don't know what you're messing with. 564 00:33:46,237 --> 00:33:47,636 l think l got a good idea. 565 00:33:48,973 --> 00:33:50,770 Where's Jack, the heart surgeon? 566 00:33:50,842 --> 00:33:52,776 l think he's the one behind all this. 567 00:33:56,781 --> 00:33:58,510 He's at my house in the country. 568 00:33:58,583 --> 00:34:00,744 How about we take a little trip to see him? 569 00:34:01,019 --> 00:34:03,180 Only this time, l'll bring the shovel. 570 00:34:11,663 --> 00:34:12,755 [alarm blaring] 571 00:34:12,831 --> 00:34:15,061 Don't shoot me! Please, please don't shoot me. 572 00:34:15,133 --> 00:34:17,533 Sometimes a guy's got no sense of humor. 573 00:34:18,536 --> 00:34:20,003 B.A., it's in the gutter. 574 00:34:48,633 --> 00:34:50,624 l'll cover you, Hannibal. 575 00:34:52,704 --> 00:34:55,229 [guns firing] 576 00:35:40,318 --> 00:35:42,411 B.A., l'm coming over the wall. 577 00:35:52,797 --> 00:35:53,786 [grunting] 578 00:36:02,674 --> 00:36:04,005 [tires squealing] 579 00:36:08,213 --> 00:36:10,204 That's the way it's done in the majors. 580 00:36:14,419 --> 00:36:15,977 [birds chirping] 581 00:36:21,493 --> 00:36:24,291 Victor 3 to Victor 1 . Unfriendlies approaching. 582 00:36:24,362 --> 00:36:25,795 (Hannibal) Okay, this is the place. 583 00:36:25,864 --> 00:36:28,628 But let's make it fast. That postman could come up from breakfast... 584 00:36:28,700 --> 00:36:30,031 and make a call anytime. 585 00:36:30,101 --> 00:36:32,763 (Face) l love it. He's worried about the postal department. 586 00:36:32,837 --> 00:36:35,101 This should be smooth. They don't expect us. 587 00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:38,138 B.A., you take the right. Face, you take the left. 588 00:36:38,209 --> 00:36:39,608 (Face) Left, right. 589 00:37:02,066 --> 00:37:03,328 Special delivery. 590 00:37:13,144 --> 00:37:14,668 You've got something for me? 591 00:37:14,746 --> 00:37:16,771 Yeah, l got a great new gorilla story. 592 00:37:16,848 --> 00:37:18,713 l know how you love them, so l came right out. 593 00:37:18,783 --> 00:37:21,684 Save the jokes, 'cause l got plans for you, wise guy. 594 00:37:21,753 --> 00:37:24,244 Let me guess. We're gonna dig some more graves. 595 00:37:24,322 --> 00:37:25,687 The man's a mind reader. 596 00:37:28,226 --> 00:37:31,559 Sorry, guys. lt's the ones you don't see coming that always get you. 597 00:37:31,663 --> 00:37:33,995 They're not selling these lDs for money. 598 00:37:34,065 --> 00:37:36,795 Fat Bob is in some kind of urban terrorist group. 599 00:37:36,868 --> 00:37:39,962 All these guys are international scumballs wanted for who-knows-what. 600 00:37:40,038 --> 00:37:43,371 He and Jack the heart surgeon are getting legal lDs... 601 00:37:43,441 --> 00:37:47,070 for their survivalist army so they can live in this country undetected. 602 00:37:47,278 --> 00:37:48,905 Got to give them credit for originality. 603 00:37:49,681 --> 00:37:51,740 How's it going, B.A.? Give me a minute. 604 00:37:51,816 --> 00:37:54,751 l just hope that fool knows what to do when he hears the tone. 605 00:37:55,219 --> 00:37:57,847 Well, that thing won't reach all the way into LA, will it? 606 00:37:57,922 --> 00:38:02,325 No. This is a short-range transmitter signal. Only goes about 200 yards. 607 00:38:02,594 --> 00:38:04,858 Well, there's a piece of encouraging news. 608 00:38:05,163 --> 00:38:09,361 Got a relay in the van. The transmitter in there can send to anywhere. 609 00:38:09,434 --> 00:38:10,924 Give me the code, Hannibal. 610 00:38:11,002 --> 00:38:12,594 Sixteen minutes past 6:00. 611 00:38:21,346 --> 00:38:23,280 [beeping] 612 00:38:26,517 --> 00:38:30,954 Let's talk about the road that you traveled. 613 00:38:31,456 --> 00:38:34,823 Then let's plan your trip to glory. 614 00:38:34,892 --> 00:38:36,257 [watch beeping] 615 00:38:48,473 --> 00:38:50,168 6:16, 6:16. 616 00:38:51,242 --> 00:38:52,766 6:16, 6:16. 617 00:38:56,080 --> 00:38:57,445 6:16 is... 618 00:38:58,616 --> 00:39:00,584 ''Mayday. Superior force.'' 619 00:39:01,452 --> 00:39:03,545 Superior force? But l'm but one man. 620 00:39:03,621 --> 00:39:05,418 A kind of nutty one at that, l.... 621 00:39:05,957 --> 00:39:08,221 How am l gonna take on a superior force? 622 00:39:08,893 --> 00:39:13,694 (men) [ Onward, Christian soldiers [ 623 00:39:13,965 --> 00:39:17,366 [ Marching as to war [ 624 00:39:19,604 --> 00:39:24,598 [ With the cross of Jesus [ 625 00:39:25,576 --> 00:39:29,876 [ Marching as before [[ 626 00:39:30,481 --> 00:39:32,073 We'll get them in their own truck... 627 00:39:32,150 --> 00:39:34,141 take them to that meadow across that road there. 628 00:39:34,218 --> 00:39:37,210 The white-haired guy can tell us funny stories while he digs his grave. 629 00:39:37,288 --> 00:39:39,984 lt's theater of the absurd. Wait till you hear it. 630 00:39:40,324 --> 00:39:43,816 You know me, Hannibal. l always like to keep a positive attitude, you know. 631 00:39:43,895 --> 00:39:46,955 But Murdock is one man and they have 30. 632 00:39:47,165 --> 00:39:49,190 Where's he gonna get the troops that he needs? 633 00:39:49,801 --> 00:39:50,859 Are you ready? 634 00:39:50,935 --> 00:39:52,664 Now, l'm gonna circulate among you... 635 00:39:52,737 --> 00:39:55,137 and l'm gonna ask you to fill out a card. 636 00:39:55,673 --> 00:39:57,265 Last name first. 637 00:39:57,775 --> 00:40:01,142 First name, middle name last. 638 00:40:01,612 --> 00:40:04,046 Then, your military rank, if any... 639 00:40:04,182 --> 00:40:06,980 and your military specialty. 640 00:40:08,152 --> 00:40:09,881 Now l'm gonna ask you a question. 641 00:40:10,221 --> 00:40:13,418 How many of you boys have seen service... 642 00:40:13,691 --> 00:40:16,057 in this great nation of ours? 643 00:40:16,327 --> 00:40:18,761 (Murdock) Raise your sinners' hands. Good. 644 00:40:19,097 --> 00:40:22,396 Now l'm gonna ask you a more important question. 645 00:40:23,468 --> 00:40:26,335 How many of you can make yourself invisible? 646 00:40:26,404 --> 00:40:27,598 Raise your hands. 647 00:40:29,540 --> 00:40:31,508 Only one. Good. 648 00:40:32,043 --> 00:40:33,340 And what's your name, sir? 649 00:40:34,512 --> 00:40:37,310 Murdock, Howling Mad. US Army. Captain. 650 00:40:37,482 --> 00:40:39,450 All right, Captain Murdock. 651 00:40:40,017 --> 00:40:43,919 lt's gonna be up to you to turn these men into an army. 652 00:40:45,223 --> 00:40:46,281 Roger. 653 00:40:47,291 --> 00:40:50,886 On command. Ready. Forward march! 654 00:40:55,333 --> 00:40:57,426 We're gonna have a little bit of trouble. 655 00:41:03,074 --> 00:41:05,235 Gentlemen, correct me if l'm wrong. 656 00:41:05,309 --> 00:41:07,573 R. Miller, gunner sergeant, United States Air Force? 657 00:41:07,645 --> 00:41:08,703 Affirmative. 658 00:41:08,780 --> 00:41:11,476 P. Neil, military weapons analyst, United States Army? 659 00:41:11,549 --> 00:41:12,573 Yes, sir. 660 00:41:12,650 --> 00:41:14,914 Gentlemen, l have three automatic weapons. 661 00:41:15,920 --> 00:41:17,717 One will be secured by yours truly... 662 00:41:17,789 --> 00:41:20,189 the other two handled expertly by yourselves. 663 00:41:20,258 --> 00:41:23,523 You will now gain control of this vehicle, heeding my direction only. 664 00:41:23,594 --> 00:41:25,721 The rest of you men in the catering truck. 665 00:41:26,531 --> 00:41:28,897 But, men, remember... 666 00:41:28,966 --> 00:41:31,560 some of us won't be coming back. 667 00:41:31,836 --> 00:41:34,236 But those of us that do, will be back... 668 00:41:34,338 --> 00:41:37,569 and those of us that don't come back won't be coming back. 669 00:41:37,642 --> 00:41:41,976 Now, l point this out because if you don't come back, you won't be back. 670 00:41:42,113 --> 00:41:44,911 And if you do come back, you will be back. 671 00:41:45,249 --> 00:41:46,375 Any questions? 672 00:41:48,719 --> 00:41:51,017 Road to Hope Rangers, mount up. 673 00:41:51,522 --> 00:41:54,013 [all exclaiming] 674 00:42:03,868 --> 00:42:05,392 (Hannibal) Well, this is more like it. 675 00:42:05,469 --> 00:42:08,597 You should have seen the last one l had to dig. Solid rock. 676 00:42:08,739 --> 00:42:10,138 But this is great. 677 00:42:10,341 --> 00:42:12,332 We'll be finished with this in no time. 678 00:42:12,476 --> 00:42:14,706 Well, there's a piece of nifty news. 679 00:42:14,846 --> 00:42:16,313 Hey, man, you guys must be crazy... 680 00:42:16,380 --> 00:42:18,507 if you think l'm gonna dig my own grave. 681 00:42:19,050 --> 00:42:21,575 There's always one shirker, right, Jack? 682 00:42:21,652 --> 00:42:23,119 Keep it up, whitey... 683 00:42:23,621 --> 00:42:25,111 'cause l'm gonna waste you. 684 00:42:25,590 --> 00:42:26,648 [groaning] 685 00:42:28,693 --> 00:42:31,423 Killing you is really gonna make my day. 686 00:42:31,629 --> 00:42:33,187 l got a great riddle for you. 687 00:42:34,365 --> 00:42:38,529 What are 30 winos doing in a catering truck? 688 00:42:38,769 --> 00:42:39,861 Who cares? 689 00:42:39,937 --> 00:42:42,303 Well, now, that could be a great mistake, Jack. 690 00:42:42,740 --> 00:42:46,767 Because they're all armed and they're all right behind you. 691 00:42:46,944 --> 00:42:48,434 [guns firing] 692 00:43:16,540 --> 00:43:18,098 [guns firing] 693 00:45:08,586 --> 00:45:11,851 You know, my little jokes seemed to bother you, Jack... 694 00:45:12,823 --> 00:45:15,189 but now you're lucky l got a sense of humor. 695 00:45:22,166 --> 00:45:24,566 You guys were great. You guys were all great. 696 00:45:25,136 --> 00:45:27,263 [all cheering] 697 00:45:28,072 --> 00:45:30,063 (man) We had a great commander. 698 00:45:30,875 --> 00:45:34,470 Please! Please, please, l don't wanna hear it. 699 00:45:35,346 --> 00:45:39,442 l did what l did because if l didn't do it, it would have got done. 700 00:45:39,517 --> 00:45:41,075 And l might add that not doing it... 701 00:45:41,152 --> 00:45:44,781 would have been a lot worse than doing it badly, which l was not about to do. 702 00:45:48,526 --> 00:45:50,357 But, please, l.... 703 00:45:50,594 --> 00:45:53,290 l feel.... l feel like l have to scoot over... 704 00:45:54,165 --> 00:45:58,363 because Father Harry Dean Hanover wants to get a word in. 705 00:45:58,636 --> 00:46:02,003 lt was a fine, fine piece of work, men. 706 00:46:02,640 --> 00:46:04,073 A fine piece. 707 00:46:04,442 --> 00:46:07,900 Now, how many of you are gonna swear off that demon rum? 708 00:46:09,747 --> 00:46:11,078 (Murdock) Good. Good. 709 00:46:11,148 --> 00:46:14,914 And how many of you are gonna take that other path to a greater glory? 710 00:46:14,985 --> 00:46:17,647 [stuttering] l'm gonna live with my daughter. 711 00:46:17,788 --> 00:46:19,983 l'm gonna take the room above my kid's garage. 712 00:46:20,424 --> 00:46:22,654 [all cheering] 713 00:46:23,427 --> 00:46:26,294 Well then, my work here.... 714 00:46:26,397 --> 00:46:27,921 My work here is finished. 715 00:46:28,499 --> 00:46:30,160 (Murdock) There's nothing left for me to do... 716 00:46:30,234 --> 00:46:33,226 but to become invisible and slowly disappear. 717 00:46:36,707 --> 00:46:38,834 Oh, man, oh, man, oh, man. 718 00:46:38,909 --> 00:46:40,536 Well, l'm taking this car back. 719 00:46:40,611 --> 00:46:43,239 l can't have a car full of holes. 720 00:46:43,314 --> 00:46:45,214 [engine faltering] 721 00:46:45,382 --> 00:46:47,612 That's one noisy clock you got there, Face. 722 00:46:48,052 --> 00:46:49,781 l think we did some good down here. 723 00:46:49,987 --> 00:46:53,218 Yeah, man. You called it, and that fool Murdock did it. 724 00:46:53,524 --> 00:46:54,957 Makes you wonder who's crazy. 725 00:46:55,059 --> 00:46:56,287 [engine running] 726 00:46:56,927 --> 00:46:59,259 [car backfiring]