And when he comes to, he's starts raving about how his shrink has been kidnapped.
Where did you take my father?
Well, if we're gonna talk to this guy Stoddard, we've got quite a trip.
El Presidente's daughter? You expect me to believe that?
I mean, if she says she's Richter's daughter, then she's Richter's daughter.
My real name is Marisa.
I just don't know what to believe anymore.
I'm with the CIA.
We're on our way out. We're just kidding around.
I was just remembering the first time lever tortured a guy.
Hey, sucker, you gonna pay.
(male narrator) In 1972, a crack commando unit...
was sent to prison by a military court...
for a crime they didn't commit.
These men promptly escaped...
from a maximum-security stockade...
to the Los Angeles underground.
Today, still wanted by the government...
they survive as soldiers of fortune.
If you have a problem, if no one else can help...
and if you can find them...
maybe you can hire the A-Team.
[gun firing]
(Murdock) Running, running, running...
but this thing keeps chomping right at my butt every night.
And no matter how hard I squeeze Mr. Pillow...
I'm still afraid to go to sleep.
My problem is that everything I dream comes true.
Now, if you were me, wouldn't you be terrified...
to put your head down?
Yes, but only if it was a bad dream.
Bad?
Bad? You wanna talk bad?
Well, let's talk last night.
I had a nightmare.
See, Springsteen was sick.
I was on stage...
the band was ready.
Clarence was out there cooking...
and I was the only one who could fill The Boss' boots.
Sol put on my T-shirt, I put on my jeans, I walk out there...
I open my mouth, and all I can do is...
[mooing]
Just like a cow.
[mooing]
And the audience is saying...
"Sing Born in the USA.
"Born in the USA."
And I'm going...
[mooing]
And I fall down on all fours...
and I start grazing on the amp cords and salivating...
and the audience is singing Jungle/and, Jungle/and.
And then I exploded.
What do you think?
I think, Murdock, it's your same old...
anxiety-frustration problems.
If you have any anxiety-frustration problems.
You really think that I even know what reality is?
You know everything about reality, Murdock.
Everything.
But you choose to live in a fantasy world.
And you build this fantasy world for everybody to see...
including me.
I said it again and again and again.
It's time that you deal with reality.
And I think we ought to start with the A-Team.
(both) I don't know what you're talking about.
You know, I can do these sessions by myself.
Do you hear that?
[helicopter whirring]
Yes, I hear it.
It's real.
I'd be very, very, very upset with you, Murdock...
if you're so good at this that you're a fraud.
I'd hate to lose you as a patient.
I mean, you're the best patient I've got.
In fact...
you could be a professional patient.
Oh, Doc, I think you're trying to trip me up here.
I respect the fact that you want to protect your friends.
But I happen to be a friend, remember?
All right, I'll tell you what.
I'm gonna go out on a limb...
because I think...
that we're close to a breakthrough.
You've been pressing me like crazy.
If I get one more breakthrough before the month is over...
I win a trip to Hawaii.
Oh, by all means, give it your best shot, Doc.
I'm about to tell you something that nobody else knows.
I'm gonna trust you.
You sure you wanna do this? Absolutely.
I'm telling you this because I want to prove to you...
that you can trust me.
I'm not a doctor.
[laughing]
No, I mean, I'm a doctor in the sense that I'm a psychologist...
I have a PhD, but I'm not a medical doctor.
I mean, I can't practice as a psychiatrist.
But the army-- Thinks that I'm an MD.
But I lied.
Because the pay rates in those days weren't fair.
Do you know that MDs got twice as much as psychologists?
But you're so well-known.
I know. That's the problem.
I'm so successful as a psychiatrist...
that I can't go back and set the record straight.
Is that really the truth?
Are you really part of the A-Team?
[grunts]
Mommy, Daddy...
what are you doing home early?
You promised that I could stay up late and watch Johnny.
Who the hell is this guy?
He's a patient. He's had a mental breakdown. Please don't hurt him.
Uncle Pete...
what are you doing back from Toronto?
Knock him out.
(Murdock) Oh, Richie...
you always get to play doctor.
Why don't I ever get to play doctor?
(Phillips) We are out of here.
[sighs]
Hello, emergency?
There has been a terrible accident.
I think you better come.
What do you mean where?
1347, Old Malibu Road.
My wife fell off the deck into the ocean.
I'm crying.
No, no, we have not been drinking.
Why, thank you.
Hurry UP-
[siren wailing]
(Face) Now, you see, Wendy, what is happening here, see...
is the vampire has you trapped.
And you, you are gazing into his eyes.
See, gazing.
That's it. That's it.
And then you say...
Bite me, please.
Perfect.
Really? Really.
Oh, yes, yes, really.
Oh, Wendy, I think that you are...
this far from...
nailing down this part.
[doorbell rings]
[sighing]
Excuse me.
[doorbell continues ringing]
Wonder who that could be?
The director, maybe.
Oh, no, no, the...
The director's in Europe scouting locations.
Now, you just keep rehearsing.
[sighs]
Bite me.
Yes.
You phoned in the emergency?
Something about a woman falling off a balcony?
Oh, well, maybe things have been taken care of.
Bite me!
What about the lady?
Lady?
Oh! Well, she's fully recovered...
as you can see.
Bite me!
Please!
Bite me!
Please.
Bite me.
Sorry for the inconvenience.
No problem.
Bite me, please.
[screaming]
He comes staggering in...
just as I'm about to give her...
the lead in Rock 'N' Roll Vampire.
Then when he comes to, he starts raving about...
how his shrink has been kidnapped in broad daylight...
by American soldiers.
How'd he know you were out here?
It was not a dream.
It was real.
The man was so loose, he looked like a pretzel.
But they hit me with something.
[stammering] A drug.
That's why I was loose. That's why I was acting crazy.
Yeah, sure, blame it on the medicine.
Oh, that's right, B.A., just jump on the bandwagon...
ball up our friendship like junk mail. Go ahead.
I checked all the newspapers this morning. Television.
Not a thing about a kidnapping at the VA.
(B.A.) More nightmares.
You've got all the demons in the book chasing after you in your sleep.
They were not demons. They were men.
They snatched my shrink, and I want him back.
Murdock, why would someone want to kidnap your psychiatrist?
I don't know. I mean, all I know is...
they were big...
and they had a chopper.
Sounded like a 500D.
And he was a military doctor.
They burned some files or something.
He was privy to a lot of secret stuff.
I mean, the wrong guy could've said the wrong thing on the couch. I don't know.
Okay, Face.
You go to the hospital and check out the whereabouts of the doctor.
We'll go to his home.
See if someone could give us some information.
I really appreciate this, Hannibal.
Thanks, guys.
Anything to keep you as an adult.
[doorbell ringing]
Miss Richter?
Can I help you?
I'm Colonel Brown, the United States Air Force.
Used to run with your daddy...
back in med school days.
It was a long time ago.
We went our separate ways, and he went into psychiatry...
and I went into brain surgery.
Anyhow, I was in town, I thought for old times' sake...
I'd stop by...
and see if he was around.
Well, I'm sure he's gonna be sorry that he missed you...
but he's gone up to San Francisco for a few days to a seminar.
That's a shame.
Maybe we could sit down and chat.
I could tell you stories about your daddy--
I'd love to do that, but I'm afraid I'm just on my way out.
I've got to go to work. Well, some other time.
I'm in town, and if your dad would like to get together...
you have him call me over at the Plaza Hotel.
I'll do that. Thank you for stopping by.
Bye-bye.
You're a regular Sally Field.
Where did you take my father?
ETA's two and a half minutes.
ETA of what?
What do you think, Colonel?
I think she's turned privacy into an art.
We'll check her out.
Could be hiding somewhere behind the door.
People with melted faces and bellies like balloons.
[sighing] Well, according to the hospital...
Richter called in this morning asking for a leave.
Seems his mother's dying down in Phoenix.
Well, that doesn't add up.
What about the fire in the office?
Well, apparently, there was a fire.
The VA thinks it was just a case of vandalism.
You know, kids looking for drugs.
We'll go around the backyard. If there's anybody in there...
we'll find him.
I've got one, and he's heavily armed.
Yeah, we've got one in the den.
Drop the girl!
I didn't think you were a brain surgeon.
Colonel Mack Stoddard. Ring any bells?
No idea.
They just came bursting into the house and went straight for my father's study.
Which way to the freeway is it from here?
Next street, take a left.
The question is who is Colonel Mack Stoddard...
and why is he so hot to get his hands on my shrink?
My shrink. Nobody else's shrink. My shrink.
Your father was like a father to me.
Most of his patients feel that way.
Yes, but I'm different. I'm special.
I'm not like all the others.
Yeah, well, they all say that.
Yeah, but I'm different. I'm special.
Ditto, ditto, infinity, infinity.
Face, looks like you better find out all you can about Stoddard, Colonel Mack.
Oh! You know that means hitting a military base, don't you?
If we didn't throw these challenges your way...
every now and then, life would be--
Normal?
Normal.
Excuse me.
Excuse me!
Where is General Fullbright?
He's at lunch. Try back in an hour.
I would, but I can't.
I have to return to my assembly point by 2:00.
You see, my troop is leaving for a two-day jamboree...
and I don't want to miss the bus.
Jamboree? What are you talking about, soldier?
Please, I would like to drop off this prisoner...
and collect my reward.
You're one of the A-Team.
You're Templeton Peck.
[chuckles] I know.
Yes, I captured him. Right there on the post office.
You see, I was sending a birthday card to my grandmother...
and I was looking up her ZIP code in the book when I saw his mug shot.
The guy was standing right next to me.
Yeah, I should have used the drive-through window.
Good job.
Yes, it's a square knot with a half-tied brace.
Look, I better notify the General, huh?
But what about my reward?
I don't know if you're eligible.
It's for the capture of the entire A-Team. All three.
Yes, well, $10,000 divided by three--
You stay right here.
I will.
Don't move. I won't.
Well, that wasn't too tough.
[clears throat]
(Face) "Colonel Mack Stoddard.
"Military advisor with the federales against revolutionary forces...
"in Curaguay, South America.
"Review pending, disciplinary."
Wonder where he keeps the voodoo dolls.
Well, if we're gonna talk to this guy Stoddard...
we've got quite a trip.
Curaguay, South America?
Small republic off the Pacific coast.
Revolutions average one every 18 months.
That's what I learned in history class.
How long will it take us to get there?
Oh, don't worry. You can stay here.
Owners won't be back for two weeks.
No way! I'm going.
Look, this is my father we're talking about.
Hey, man, she can have my seat on the plane.
Murdock, is your Dr. Richter a physical man?
Could he escape from Stoddard?
Negative, Colonel. Strictly non-com.
Well, this review pending...
looks like the doctor was just about to make a report on Stoddard.
Probably saying he should share a cell with Charlie Manson.
So Stoddard destroys all the reports on file...
then grabs the doc in hopes of...
changing his review pending.
(Hannibal) I guess we better pack our bags.
Forget it. I got a new policy.
I ain't going no further south than San Diego.
B.A., I have invested 10 years of therapy in this man.
He's the fourth most important person in my life.
Besides that, if you help me...
I promise I'll make you a blood brother. You can eat all my jujubes.
You can count me out.
You gotta help me, pal. Don't go. Pal!
You're my buddy. Pal, pal, you've got to help me out here!
No! Forget it! I'm out of here!
Don't go, please!
Don't go! You can't go!
No! I ain't staying!
I ain't gonna give you guys a chance to drug me and throw me on a plane.
[gasping]
B.A.! B.A.!
[gasping]
Let him down easy.
What's wrong with him?
(Hannibal) Anxiety attack.
Oh, please.
[mumbling]
(Face) Relax, Murdock.
[birds chirping]
I was just remembering the first time I ever tortured a guy.
I was just a shavetail. It was my first trip overseas.
We were really having a pretty bodacious time of it, too.
I had this prisoner who wouldn't talk.
Trashed a whole pack of cigarettes on the dude.
Nothing.
Then I discovered alligators.
I told you, I filed nothing.
Not even about my God complex?
About the lunatic who wants to rule the world with extreme prejudice?
Come on, Doc.
What did you tell 'em?
Nothing.
Whatever.
What about those four guys that were at your house?
I don't know what you're talking about.
Military types. They were helping out your daughter.
Yeah. We know about her.
Cute. I wouldn't mind a little spin with her myself.
Look, for the last time...
I talked to no one. I did not file the report.
I hope not, for your sake.
I'm going to let you hang around here for a little while.
If you decide to change your report, I might consider letting you go in one piece.
Think about it.
Go to hell, Stoddard.
You first.
[hens clucking]
(Face) Well, I think maybe we gave him...
a little too much of that stuff.
(Murdock) He's going to be real mad...
when he finds out I tricked him.
You know, our appearances are similar.
Why don't you just tell him you hit the wrong arm?
You're awfully good at this. Did you go camping with your father?
He hates camping.
He told me he went camping with his daughter all the time.
That's my sister Janet that he's talking about.
You also didn't know the way from your father's house to the freeway.
It's his house, not mine.
I always knew the way to my folks house.
Look, guys...
Don't "look, guys" me, lady. Tell me who you are, or you're in deep trouble.
I told you who I am.
Now wait a minute, Hannibal. I think you owe this lady an apology.
I would if there was just one of her.
The girl is trying to find her father.
Now you're quizzing her like she's some chameleon con man.
I mean, look at that face.
Don't you believe her? I mean, I believe her.
If she says she's Richter's daughter, then she's Richter's daughter.
I'm a journalist. She's a journalist.
I write for Transworld Press.
Well, anybody can make a mistake.
I'm an international stringer.
Everything from bullfights to revolutions.
Did you ever do anything on regressions?
You need professional help.
Yes, that's what I came down here to get.
You can never travel too far to get the best.
I'm doing a piece on Dr. Richter.
It actually started because he was treating Mr. Murdock...
who was rumored to be connected to the A-Team.
And now Richter's missing, that's news.
Hey, you guys are helping me. I wouldn't think of doing you any harm.
Besides, if you were so suspicious of me...
Why'd you bring me along in the first place?
Because I didn't know who you'd notify of our destination.
This way, you didn't have the chance.
We're looking for Colonel Mack Stoddard.
They said to ask in this bar.
Señores, you've come to a place where Yankees are not welcome.
We do not know this man you talk about. Now get out!
(Hannibal) No, it's nice here. We're staying.
Bad odds, my friend.
Yeah, you don't wanna wake up el tigre.
We'll take our chances.
Well, there's always a time you got to say...
what the heck? What the hey?
[grunting]
Hey, B.A.!
Wake up, B.A. B.A., wake up!
Wake up, B.A.!
B.A., wake up!
[grunts]
[groans]
[gun cocks]
I ain't getting on no plane!
(Phillips) Everybody out!
Hold it right there.
Sorry, your visit to our country must be cut short.
Well, we've seen most of the sights anyway.
You guys really make me mad. You wake me up so I can get killed!
Hey, you may want to kill them, but you don't want to kill Stoddard's daughter.
Stoddard's daughter?
Welcome to the house of mirrors, Face.
What're you trying to pull? The colonel didn't say his daughter was coming.
Listen, my father doesn't tell flunkies like you who's coming and going.
That's why he's Colonel Mack Stoddard.
That's why he was able to win three bronze stars in the war...
to rout an enemy outpost with only a hunting knife and a broken pistol.
I've heard about that, Phillips.
Then you know all about when he served with the 82nd Airborne?
Oh, nice try, Phillips.
He was never with the 82nd. He was with the First Army.
He rotated out twice and did a third stint during the fall of Saigon.
I just don't know what to believe anymore.
This is a very special person.
She just might be out of your class.
I also know about a two-bit lieutenant named Phillips...
that my dad met on have 'm Beta Beta.
Cover 'em.
Now, these guys have the rest of the files my father's been waiting for.
That's the reason I've come all the way down here. Well, that's what we need.
[guns cocking]
Freeze!
[grunting]
B.A., get some rope and tie 'em up.
Lady, you are full of surprises.
Stoddard's daughter.
Oh, I just said that.
I realize that.
[sighing] I've lost it. I mean, the magic is gone.
I, of all people, should be able to see through a con artist. No more.
You guys, you may as well just put me up on blocks, let kids throw rocks at me.
No, take it easy, Face. It's just that she's good.
What are you giving him sympathy for? One problem at a time.
He can go back to LA and brush up with extension courses.
I'm the one with trauma here.
Ready, Hannibal.
Okay, let's move out.
I'd ask you to join us...
but I'm not sure which side you're on.
See, you're a busload of people, and we don't feel like playing driver.
All right, I'm gonna come clean.
Well, this should be good.
I'm with the CIA.
[stuttering] I'm losing it. I'm just losing it because--
You hold on, I'll hold on. We'll get to Richter. He'll take care of this whole thing.
Look, how do you think I knew all about Stoddard's campaigns?
How do you think I knew how he met Phillips?
What do you think I was doing at Richter's house when you guys arrived?
These guys busted in, I said I was Richter's daughter.
When you knocked on the door, I had to stay in character.
I went the journalist route when you cracked my daughter rap.
Lady, even if I bought the idea you were with the CIA, we'd still pass.
See, we don't do business with the company.
They've got this strange idea that we're not the good guys.
Well, look, I know you're the good guys. You've proven that to me.
And what I need you to do is help me get through this.
Look, what else would I be doing down here?
Beats me. Tie her up.
Do you know what you're doing?
Look, you know who I am! I'm with the CIA! This is ridiculous!
Oh, come on! Look, I helped you guys escape!
And we can't thank you enough, ma'am.
Now you just relax, and we'll be back and get you in a little while.
Let's mount up, guys.
(Betty) I'm an agent, I have been sent down here.
You let me go. You guys are in big trouble!
[animal calling]
[vehicle approaching]
Tell me about it.
El Presidente's called a cease fire.
Damn.
He's ready to form a coalition government...
and get rid of all the US forces.
Not in this lifetime, he won't.
He gets away with this...
then guys like you and me haven't got a lot to do, do we?
[sighs]
We go after El Presidente.
We break the cease fire ourselves.
We'll snuff that dude. There's still plenty of war left.
(Murdock) That's him, that is him!
(Hannibal) Stoddard's got about a dozen men with him.
I'm just so glad he's alive.
Okay.
[birds chirping]
[grunts]
Oh, God! How could I have been so stupid?
[snickering]
[Murdock groaning]
[grunts]
Intruders!
Far enough!
[guns cocking]
Just like you said, baby.
They found us about a half-hour after you left.
They were gonna kill me, so I gave up you guys.
I told them about the attack.
Save it for your book.
(Murdock) Doc, wake up, Doc.
[Richter groans] Wake up!
Is that you, Murdock?
I'm not late for my weekly session, am I?
You were just about to answer the question.
Boy, you never stop pressing, do you?
My God, that's Sarah. Sarah Teesdale.
Sarah? Lied to again.
You know this woman?
She's my client.
Client? A client?
You trying to tell me a client goes to all the trouble...
to come down here to try to find a psychiatrist?
She came to me for help. Though I have my doubts about her motives.
Join the club.
(Stoddard) Visiting time at the zoo.
(Hannibal) Stoddard, you're quite a character.
Regular recruiting poster.
Hiding out here in the bushes playing Bomba, the Jungle Boy, acting like God.
Doesn't your ego get a little squeezed in these wide open spaces?
Hey, sucker, you gonna pay.
I'm shaking.
Stoddard, there's something I wanna tell you.
Careful. She does impressions. She's got more faces than a crowd.
My real name is Marisa.
I lied to them to protect my mission.
I was born in this country, but I went to live in America with my mother...
after my father ordered her killed if she didn't leave.
They murdered her brother, my Uncle Thomas.
They didn't approve of his politics. I've never forgotten.
Now I've come back to see that he's overthrown.
El Presidente's daughter? You expect me to believe that?
You should've heard what we had to believe.
El Presidente has a brother, never heard from in the media.
What's his name, where does he live...
and how old is his oldest daughter?
This is a bonus question, Sarah.
His brother Ernesto died last year.
Only three sons survive him. Mario, Luis and Manuel.
His wife Marguerita bore him no daughters.
Anything else?
No, that's fine. We have a new recruit.
I cannot believe you used us this way!
[groans]
Later. When we come back, you can waste him yourself.
I'll tell you this, she's not El Presidente's daughter.
You're sure this time?
Oh, yeah.
[grunts]
I knew there was something groovy deep down inside that girl.
Doc, if she's your patient, answer one question for me.
Who is she?
From time to time, everybody.
[grunts]
Get out!
We have to search the camp for ammunition and arms.
Anything, we can use anything.
Man's talking like he's got a plan.
You sure we can do this?
No, but I got great instincts. Come on, Doc.
Look at this.
Look at this!
(Richter) Rockets.
How would we launch them?
We'll find a way, Doc.
They gotta stop in town for reinforcements.
If we leave now, we're in business.
[whirring] You know, Murdock...
I have always had complete trust in you.
I don't believe a word you're saying.
[chuckling]
Tell me when.
Now!
[bullets ricocheting]
[both grunting]
[grunts]
[guns firing]
Now who's in the basket, Stoddard?
Throw down your weapons!
There's no percentage. Let's see you kick up some dust, Stoddard.
You know, Murdock, I'm glad I'm not the only fraud.
Are you a doctor, or aren't you a doctor?
I'll see you at the next session.
(Murdock) Well, guys, I just don't know what to say.
(B.A.) Good. Then maybe I'll enjoy my meal.
[sighing] Since this is the last day in the house...
the owner being due back from Paris and all...
I figured, why not take full advantage of the facility?
A gourmet luncheon. Couldn't be a better way to say thanks.
How about money?
Well, I thought about that, B.A., but it struck me as crass.
You know, considering that you guys risked your lives to save my shrink...
and get my emotional shock absorbers back.
So all that I can give you...
is my heartfelt thanks. How about money?
I can't help but wonder, was Betty an agent of the CIA...
a journalist, Stoddard's daughter...
Richter's patient, Richter's daughter...
El Presidente's daughter? Did I leave anything out?
Well, only that Stoddard's got a long time in a cell to work on that one himself.
I think she's a nut. Pure and simple. And out to drive everyone else nuts.
No, she was a woman with a highly developed sense of adventure.
She was a gourmet of the grandiose...
a belle of the bizarre.
In other words, she was a woman worthy of my respect.
Whoever she was, I'd say she was just a very insecure, frightened girl...
and I for one feel very bad for her.
I think so.
[laughing] Okay.
So if your bosses at the studio approve this $12 million budget...
I think we can nail down Burt.
Anything to get your picture going, darling.
(Face) Betty?
Marisa?
Sarah?
Betty? Marisa? Sarah?
I just have one of those faces, hmm?