1
00:00:08,341 --> 00:00:10,926
[JOHN WILLIAMS' "THE IMPERIAL
MARCH" PLAYING OVER SPEAKER]

2
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:18,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today

3
00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:24,648
Will you please turn your shirt off?

4
00:00:25,066 --> 00:00:27,359
What? I'm giving myself
dramatic entrance music.

5
00:00:27,527 --> 00:00:31,113
People will know I'm awesome
and to be feared.

6
00:00:31,281 --> 00:00:33,866
Right. There's nothing more awesome
and frightening...

7
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:37,995
...than a man who's got music blasting
from between his nipples.

8
00:00:38,163 --> 00:00:39,204
[MUSIC STOPS]

9
00:00:39,372 --> 00:00:42,291
-Hey, Stuart. What's going on?
-Well, you might wanna mark...

10
00:00:42,459 --> 00:00:46,420
...your Google calendars. Stan Lee
is coming to do a signing on Thursday.

11
00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:49,131
Did he finally write a sequel
to his autobiography?

12
00:00:49,299 --> 00:00:53,093
I'm sure ages 79 through 87
were just action-packed.

13
00:00:53,261 --> 00:00:55,637
No, just a regular comic signing.

14
00:00:55,805 --> 00:00:59,391
My uncle is his dermatologist,
and Stan's doing him a favor.

15
00:00:59,559 --> 00:01:01,560
Oh, I don't wanna know that.

16
00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:05,189
How can I possibly discuss with
Stan Lee the scientific foundations...

17
00:01:05,356 --> 00:01:08,525
...for interstellar flight on a surfboard
when part of my brain...

18
00:01:08,693 --> 00:01:12,738
...will be scanning his face
for signs of contagious skin disease?

19
00:01:13,406 --> 00:01:16,658
Stan Lee does not have
a contagious skin disease.

20
00:01:16,826 --> 00:01:20,162
Well, look who thinks
he's Stuart's uncle now.

21
00:01:20,830 --> 00:01:24,333
Can't believe it.
We're gonna meet Stan Lee.

22
00:01:24,501 --> 00:01:26,835
[THE POINTER SISTERS' "I'M SO
EXCITED" PLAYING OVER SPEAKER]

23
00:01:27,003 --> 00:01:29,004
I'm so excited
And I just can't hide it

24
00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:33,217
I'm about to lose control
And I think I like it

25
00:01:33,384 --> 00:01:35,844
I'm sad to say
I taught him those moves.

26
00:02:04,541 --> 00:02:07,126
I can't decide whether I want Stan Lee
to autograph...

27
00:02:07,293 --> 00:02:10,170
...my Journey Into Mystery 83,
first appearance of Thor...

28
00:02:10,338 --> 00:02:14,591
...or my Fantastic Four Number 5,
first appearance of Dr. Doom.

29
00:02:14,759 --> 00:02:16,760
["FINAL JEOPARDY!" THEME
PLAYING OVER SPEAKER]

30
00:02:24,227 --> 00:02:28,021
Alex, I'm gonna go with:
"What is you're a dumb-ass?"

31
00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:31,900
[RASPBERRY
PLAYING OVER SPEAKER]

32
00:02:34,195 --> 00:02:38,574
I've decided I'm going to have Mr. Lee
sign my copy of this month's Batman.

33
00:02:38,908 --> 00:02:41,827
That's crazy. Stan Lee
had nothing to do with Batman.

34
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:44,371
Which is why no one else
will ask him to sign one.

35
00:02:44,539 --> 00:02:47,541
I'll be the possessor of a unique,
albeit confusing artifact...

36
00:02:47,709 --> 00:02:51,545
...which will set me apart from
the hoi polloi of comic-book fandom.

37
00:02:52,630 --> 00:02:56,425
That's a great idea. I'm gonna get him
to sign a Batman as well.

38
00:02:58,386 --> 00:03:01,430
What is it about the word "unique"
you don't understand?

39
00:03:01,598 --> 00:03:04,516
Ow! Damn. Paper cut.
Nothing worse than a paper cut.

40
00:03:04,684 --> 00:03:08,562
Well, obviously,
you don't remember your circumcision.

41
00:03:10,231 --> 00:03:13,275
There's Neosporin and Band-Aids
in my top desk drawer.

42
00:03:13,443 --> 00:03:15,777
Why don't you keep that stuff
in the bathroom?

43
00:03:15,945 --> 00:03:19,531
He does. And in the kitchen,
and in the car, and in his pocket.

44
00:03:19,699 --> 00:03:21,783
Yeah, but the ones in my pocket
are mine.

45
00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:25,245
-Hi.
-Hey.

46
00:03:25,413 --> 00:03:27,581
Guess who's gonna be
at the comic store on Thursday.

47
00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:30,751
-Um, can you give me a hint?
-Stan Lee.

48
00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:35,047
Um, Stanley. Stanley. Stanley Tucci?

49
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:38,884
No, ha, ha. No. Stan Lee.

50
00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:42,763
Oh. Oh, Stan Lee. Cool.

51
00:03:42,931 --> 00:03:44,223
[CHUCKLES]

52
00:03:45,516 --> 00:03:47,184
You have no idea who he is, do you?

53
00:03:47,393 --> 00:03:50,103
Of course I do.
You're an important part of my life...

54
00:03:50,271 --> 00:03:53,482
...and I pay attention to the things
you are interested in.

55
00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:55,984
-Good. Good.
-Heh, heh.

56
00:03:56,152 --> 00:03:57,236
So who's Stan Lee?

57
00:03:58,154 --> 00:04:00,489
Um, he was on Star Trek.

58
00:04:04,702 --> 00:04:05,786
-No.
-Star Wars?

59
00:04:05,954 --> 00:04:07,162
No.

60
00:04:07,872 --> 00:04:12,626
Um, Stan Lee. Oh, he was in those goofy
kung fu movies you love so much?

61
00:04:13,002 --> 00:04:14,920
That's Bruce Lee.

62
00:04:15,338 --> 00:04:16,380
Oh.

63
00:04:16,547 --> 00:04:19,132
So is this Bruce Lee's
nerdy brother, Stan?

64
00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:24,680
Sheldon, why do you have all these
unopened paychecks in your desk?

65
00:04:24,847 --> 00:04:29,309
Because most of the things I'm planning
to buy haven't been invented yet.

66
00:04:29,811 --> 00:04:32,020
There must be thousands
of dollars here.

67
00:04:32,188 --> 00:04:34,982
-Why don't you put it in the bank?
-I don't trust banks.

68
00:04:35,149 --> 00:04:39,611
I believe that when the robots rise up,
ATMs will lead the charge.

69
00:04:40,989 --> 00:04:44,324
You've also got something
from the Pasadena Municipal Court.

70
00:04:44,659 --> 00:04:48,036
Undoubtedly yet another snide response
to my repeated letters...

71
00:04:48,204 --> 00:04:52,040
...complaining that the flags in front of
the courthouse are in the wrong order.

72
00:04:52,208 --> 00:04:56,044
It's supposed to be federal, state,
and then city of Pasadena.

73
00:04:56,462 --> 00:05:00,173
I'm sorry, you sent more than one letter
about that?

74
00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:02,676
It bothers me.

75
00:05:03,886 --> 00:05:07,389
-Sheldon, this is a summons.
-A summons? For what?

76
00:05:07,557 --> 00:05:09,266
Looks like you ran a red light...

77
00:05:09,475 --> 00:05:14,354
...on Marengo Avenue at 9:30 p.m.
on November 16th.

78
00:05:14,731 --> 00:05:18,233
They got you on a traffic camera.
Nice picture.

79
00:05:22,739 --> 00:05:26,575
November 16th? Penny, that's
the evening you fell in your bathtub.

80
00:05:26,743 --> 00:05:28,827
I had to drive you
to the emergency room.

81
00:05:28,995 --> 00:05:30,203
No, it isn't.

82
00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:33,540
-Yes, it is.
-No, it isn't.

83
00:05:33,708 --> 00:05:37,252
I have an eidetic memory. That's
a picture of you in the passenger seat...

84
00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:39,838
...holding your dislocated shoulder.

85
00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:41,214
Hmm. No, it isn't.

86
00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:46,053
Okay, then why is a summons
for a traffic violation...

87
00:05:46,220 --> 00:05:50,474
...committed in your car, bearing
your license plates, coming to me?

88
00:05:50,641 --> 00:05:52,684
[DRAMATIC MUSIC
PLAYING OVER SPEAKER]

89
00:05:55,521 --> 00:05:57,272
Okay, look, they sent me the ticket.

90
00:05:57,440 --> 00:06:01,109
I told them I wasn't driving,
and they were all, "Who was it?"

91
00:06:01,277 --> 00:06:03,278
-So you betrayed me.
-No.

92
00:06:03,446 --> 00:06:04,571
It wasn't a betrayal.

93
00:06:04,739 --> 00:06:07,741
It was more of a, I can't afford
any more points on my license.

94
00:06:07,909 --> 00:06:11,578
I already have to buy my insurance
from this place in the Cayman Islands.

95
00:06:11,746 --> 00:06:13,914
But the only reason
I was driving your car...

96
00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:17,042
...was because you were in distress,
and I was rescuing you.

97
00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:20,921
Yes. And look, now you have a photo
to remember that heroic day.

98
00:06:22,465 --> 00:06:23,965
It's not that big a deal.

99
00:06:24,133 --> 00:06:27,469
You just go down to the court on Thursday,
and you pay the fine.

100
00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:30,722
I'm not going to pay a fine.
That would imply I'm guilty.

101
00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:32,265
You are guilty.

102
00:06:33,810 --> 00:06:35,769
[LAW & ORDER'S "THE CLANG"
PLAYS OVER SPEAKER]

103
00:06:38,689 --> 00:06:41,149
-That one I liked.
-Yeah.

104
00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:44,152
I am not guilty.
I only have a learner's permit.

105
00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:46,780
Penny was the teacher.
When the light turned yellow...

106
00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:49,866
...she said, "Go, go, go,"
so I went, went, went.

107
00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:53,370
Sheldon, I'm sorry. I'll be happy
to reimburse you for the fine.

108
00:06:53,579 --> 00:06:57,290
You know, as soon as I get a part
in a movie or my own TV series.

109
00:06:57,458 --> 00:06:59,668
You don't need to reimburse me.
I'm not paying.

110
00:06:59,836 --> 00:07:03,797
On Thursday, I will have my day in court,
and justice will be done.

111
00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:07,384
In fact, I'm going to begin
preparing my defense right now.

112
00:07:08,761 --> 00:07:11,096
Okay, he's going to jail.

113
00:07:11,889 --> 00:07:15,142
Oh, that's right.
Thursday's Stan Lee day.

114
00:07:17,228 --> 00:07:19,146
Now you see what you've done?

115
00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:23,608
Because of you,
we're all going to miss Stan Lee.

116
00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:25,819
Whoa!

117
00:07:27,196 --> 00:07:29,990
-What do you mean "all"?
-Well, you're my friends.

118
00:07:30,158 --> 00:07:32,659
You'll be standing by my side,
supporting me...

119
00:07:32,827 --> 00:07:35,871
...feeding me legal precedents,
and, if you have the strength...

120
00:07:36,038 --> 00:07:39,207
...carrying me out on your shoulders
when I'm victorious.

121
00:07:40,042 --> 00:07:42,627
Yeah, okay, no.

122
00:07:42,795 --> 00:07:46,173
Are you saying that you will not stand
beside me as I plead my case?

123
00:07:46,507 --> 00:07:48,175
That's what I'm saying.

124
00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:50,510
-Howard?
-Wow. Ahem.

125
00:07:50,678 --> 00:07:54,222
Uh, Stan Lee or you in court.

126
00:07:54,390 --> 00:07:58,435
Uh, if this was Sophie's Choice,
it would've been a much shorter movie. No.

127
00:07:59,061 --> 00:08:00,979
Raj, you'll be there, won't you?

128
00:08:01,606 --> 00:08:03,857
[BUZZER PLAYS OVER SPEAKER]

129
00:08:05,401 --> 00:08:08,570
All right, then,
my so-called friends have forsaken me.

130
00:08:08,738 --> 00:08:12,073
So I guess it'll just be me
and my eyewitness.

131
00:08:12,575 --> 00:08:14,784
Oh, balls.

132
00:08:14,952 --> 00:08:18,413
Try to wear something appropriate.
It won't help my case if the judge...

133
00:08:18,581 --> 00:08:22,375
...is busy trying to read the word "Juicy"
scrawled across your buttocks.

134
00:08:28,758 --> 00:08:30,926
Penny. Penny.

135
00:08:31,093 --> 00:08:32,886
Penny.

136
00:08:34,096 --> 00:08:38,058
-That's just wrong.
-All right, let's go.

137
00:08:38,226 --> 00:08:40,560
Wait. Hold on.
Before we get to the courthouse...

138
00:08:40,728 --> 00:08:43,772
...I'd like to call on your skills
as an actress.

139
00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:45,065
What is this?

140
00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:48,777
I've taken the liberty of scripting
your appearance on the witness stand.

141
00:08:48,945 --> 00:08:50,612
You're somewhat of a loose cannon.

142
00:08:51,113 --> 00:08:54,533
Don't worry, it's written
in your vernacular. So shall we rehearse?

143
00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:57,285
-Do I have a choice?
-Of course you have a choice.

144
00:08:57,453 --> 00:09:01,498
Although we live in a deterministic
universe, each individual has free will.

145
00:09:01,707 --> 00:09:03,416
Now, sit down.

146
00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:07,963
"I call your attention
to the events of November 16th.

147
00:09:08,130 --> 00:09:09,589
Do you remember that date?"

148
00:09:10,299 --> 00:09:13,093
"Darn tooting, I do.

149
00:09:14,595 --> 00:09:19,599
If the court will excuse my homespun,
corn-fed, Nebraskan turn of phrase."

150
00:09:20,851 --> 00:09:24,145
-Excellent. Go on.
-"The reason that date is, like...

151
00:09:24,313 --> 00:09:28,441
...so totally fixed in my memory is that
I had the privilege to be witness...

152
00:09:28,609 --> 00:09:33,154
...to one of the most heroic acts
I've ever seen in, like, ever."

153
00:09:34,282 --> 00:09:37,325
"And who performed that heroic act?"

154
00:09:37,493 --> 00:09:41,329
"Why, you did, sir.
You, Dr. Sheldon Cooper.

155
00:09:41,497 --> 00:09:45,333
And may I add,
it is a privilege to know you."

156
00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:49,588
"There's no need for compliments.
This court is only interested in the facts."

157
00:09:49,755 --> 00:09:53,842
"But it is a fact
that it's a privilege to know you.

158
00:09:54,176 --> 00:09:56,136
Totally."

159
00:09:57,138 --> 00:09:59,889
"A teardrop rolls down my cheek"?

160
00:10:00,683 --> 00:10:04,144
Only a suggestion. A catch in your throat
would work just as well.

161
00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:06,354
[GROANS]

162
00:10:06,522 --> 00:10:10,859
[VOICE CRACKING] "But it is a fact
that it's a privilege to know you.

163
00:10:11,694 --> 00:10:13,695
Totally."

164
00:10:16,532 --> 00:10:19,117
Maybe you should put on
your Juicy pants again.

165
00:10:21,954 --> 00:10:23,288
Pay the cashier.

166
00:10:24,832 --> 00:10:26,041
Sheldon Cooper.

167
00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:30,378
Good morning, Your Honor.

168
00:10:30,546 --> 00:10:35,884
Dr. Sheldon Cooper appearing in pro se.
That is to say, representing himself.

169
00:10:36,052 --> 00:10:38,678
I know what it means.
I went to law school.

170
00:10:39,847 --> 00:10:42,349
And yet you wound up in traffic court.

171
00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:47,145
If it would please the court,
I'd like to begin with an opening statement.

172
00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:49,314
The court would advise you
to make it quick.

173
00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:53,985
The court had a dicey-looking
breakfast burrito and just took an Imodium.

174
00:10:55,237 --> 00:10:58,698
Very well. A quick opening statement.

175
00:10:58,866 --> 00:11:03,036
Like a milking stool,
my case rests on three legs.

176
00:11:03,204 --> 00:11:06,623
I will demonstrate that
I was improperly instructed in driving...

177
00:11:06,832 --> 00:11:10,543
...by a woman whose lack of respect
for society borders on the sociopathic.

178
00:11:11,754 --> 00:11:14,631
I will argue that the emergency
met the legal doctrine...

179
00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:19,219
...of quod est necessarium est licitum,
that which is necessary is legal.

180
00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:22,555
But first,
I will raise a Sixth Amendment issue.

181
00:11:22,723 --> 00:11:27,977
I am unable to confront my accuser,
a non-human entity, to wit, a camera.

182
00:11:28,145 --> 00:11:30,438
So to sum up, improper instruction...

183
00:11:30,606 --> 00:11:33,274
...quod est necessarium est licitum,
Sixth Amendment.

184
00:11:33,442 --> 00:11:35,735
My milk stool is complete.

185
00:11:35,903 --> 00:11:37,612
-Impressive.
-Thank you.

186
00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:40,782
Guilty. Pay the cashier.

187
00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:43,743
I object.
You're completely ignoring the law.

188
00:11:43,911 --> 00:11:47,247
No, I'm following the law.
I'm ignoring you.

189
00:11:47,623 --> 00:11:51,501
Really? I would point out that I am
at the top of my profession...

190
00:11:51,669 --> 00:11:54,754
...while you preside
over the kiddie table of yours.

191
00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:59,467
Dr. Cooper, before I find you in contempt
and throw you in jail...

192
00:11:59,635 --> 00:12:02,971
...I'm gonna give you a chance
to apologize for that last remark.

193
00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:06,891
I'm a scientist.
I never apologize for the truth.

194
00:12:14,108 --> 00:12:15,984
That's my spot.

195
00:12:23,492 --> 00:12:26,995
I can't wait to ask Stan Lee
why he insists on giving his characters...

196
00:12:27,163 --> 00:12:30,165
...first and last names
that start with the same letter.

197
00:12:30,332 --> 00:12:32,500
Oh, come on. Why would you do that?

198
00:12:32,668 --> 00:12:36,254
Bruce Banner, Reed Richards,
Sue Storm, Stephen Strange...

199
00:12:36,422 --> 00:12:38,882
...Otto Octavius, Silver Surfer,
Peter Parker.

200
00:12:39,049 --> 00:12:44,387
Oh, and worst of all,
J. Jonah Jameson Jr.

201
00:12:45,639 --> 00:12:46,681
Okay, I'm cutting.

202
00:12:46,849 --> 00:12:50,477
I'm not gonna talk to Stan Lee
after you cheese him off.

203
00:12:50,644 --> 00:12:52,645
["SPIDER-MAN" THEME SONG
PLAYING OVER CELL PHONE]

204
00:12:55,524 --> 00:12:57,692
-Hey.
-Sheldon's in jail.

205
00:12:57,860 --> 00:13:00,945
-Sheldon's in jail?
-You called it.

206
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,032
-For what?
PENNY: What do you think?

207
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:07,535
For doing the same crap he always does,
except to a judge.

208
00:13:08,704 --> 00:13:12,373
-He has to stay there until he apologizes.
-So tell him to apologize.

209
00:13:12,541 --> 00:13:15,668
Oh, gee, thanks, Leonard.
That didn't occur to me.

210
00:13:16,086 --> 00:13:19,214
If he doesn't apologize by 5:00,
he's gonna spend the night in jail.

211
00:13:19,381 --> 00:13:23,510
Oh, no, that's terrible.
The line's moving. Gotta go. Bye.

212
00:13:34,271 --> 00:13:36,564
Excuse me. Excuse me, jailor?

213
00:13:38,067 --> 00:13:40,735
-What?
-I need to use the restroom.

214
00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:42,403
Knock yourself out.

215
00:13:46,492 --> 00:13:49,577
-That's the toilet?
-Well, it ain't a wishing well.

216
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:53,998
Please tell the judge
I'm ready to apologize.

217
00:13:57,044 --> 00:13:58,378
Look at that.

218
00:13:58,546 --> 00:14:04,634
"To my friend Leonard.
From Stan Lee. Excelsior!"

219
00:14:04,802 --> 00:14:06,261
Awesome. Mine says:

220
00:14:06,428 --> 00:14:11,766
"To my friend Howard.
From Stan Lee. Excelsior!"

221
00:14:12,184 --> 00:14:16,312
Mine says, "To Raj. From Stan Lee."

222
00:14:19,942 --> 00:14:23,361
That's because you pissed him off
about his character names.

223
00:14:23,529 --> 00:14:25,321
I didn't even mention
Dum Dum Dugan...

224
00:14:25,489 --> 00:14:29,200
...or Green Goblin, Matt Murdock,
Pepper Potts, Victor von Doom.

225
00:14:29,368 --> 00:14:33,496
Oh, and worst of all, Millie the Model.

226
00:14:34,748 --> 00:14:35,790
We're home.

227
00:14:35,958 --> 00:14:39,627
-Oh, hey, buddy. How'd it go?
-You know very well how it went.

228
00:14:39,795 --> 00:14:42,630
Yeah. But we all wanna
hear it from you.

229
00:14:44,967 --> 00:14:49,971
-I was found guilty and fined $533.
-I'm gonna write you a check for that.

230
00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:54,183
As long as you promise to put it in your
drawer and never cash it like the others.

231
00:14:57,479 --> 00:15:01,983
I also now have three points on
a driver's license I do not yet possess...

232
00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:04,819
...and I was forced to issue
an undeserved apology...

233
00:15:04,987 --> 00:15:09,365
...because I refused to urinate in
a stainless-steel bowl in front of criminals.

234
00:15:10,117 --> 00:15:12,327
Plus, you didn't get to meet Stan Lee.

235
00:15:14,038 --> 00:15:17,040
Okay, that's enough, Howard.
The poor guy's had a tough time.

236
00:15:17,207 --> 00:15:21,002
He had to spend the entire afternoon
in jail wearing that suit.

237
00:15:23,797 --> 00:15:27,342
It would be cruel to mention that,
after he finished signing autographs...

238
00:15:27,509 --> 00:15:30,845
...Stan Lee took Stuart and us out
for gelato.

239
00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:35,016
You had gelato with Stan Lee?

240
00:15:35,351 --> 00:15:38,311
He said we could call him Stan.

241
00:15:39,229 --> 00:15:40,355
Except for Raj.

242
00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:47,487
Well, I hope you're satisfied, Penny.

243
00:15:47,655 --> 00:15:52,367
You are responsible for all the evil
that has befallen me today.

244
00:15:52,534 --> 00:15:54,035
-I realize--
SHELDON: Not finished.

245
00:15:54,203 --> 00:15:57,372
It is because of you
that I now have a criminal record.

246
00:15:57,539 --> 00:16:01,459
And it is because of you that I missed out
on having gelato with Stan Lee.

247
00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:03,461
-Maybe you'll have another chance--
-No.

248
00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:06,881
I will never have another chance
to have gelato with Stan Lee...

249
00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:09,717
...because opportunities
to have gelato with Stan Lee...

250
00:16:09,885 --> 00:16:11,427
...come but once in a lifetime.

251
00:16:11,595 --> 00:16:16,724
The moving finger writes
and, having writ, moves on.

252
00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:24,857
Did he just somehow
give me the finger?

253
00:16:25,442 --> 00:16:28,987
Not just the finger, the moving finger.

254
00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:34,075
Hey, Stuart.

255
00:16:34,910 --> 00:16:37,912
Oh, hey, Penny. Wow.

256
00:16:38,247 --> 00:16:39,872
Hi.

257
00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:41,499
-What's going on?
-Nothing.

258
00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:46,337
I'm just getting ready to close up
and head out.

259
00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:51,300
-Cool. Got any fun plans?
-Oh, yeah. Big night tonight.

260
00:16:51,593 --> 00:16:55,930
Gonna share a can of tuna
with the cat.

261
00:16:56,098 --> 00:16:57,932
Oh, nice.

262
00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:04,397
Not even my cat. I just feed it.
Some nights, it doesn't even show up.

263
00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:09,193
Oh, okay. Well, I was hoping, um,
you could do me a favor.

264
00:17:09,361 --> 00:17:10,611
Sure, yeah. Name it.

265
00:17:10,779 --> 00:17:13,281
I'm kind of responsible
for Sheldon missing Stan Lee.

266
00:17:13,449 --> 00:17:15,783
I really wanna make it up to him.
I was hoping...

267
00:17:15,951 --> 00:17:19,203
...you could give me his number
so I can arrange for them to meet.

268
00:17:19,371 --> 00:17:21,789
Oh, I'm sorry.
I don't have his phone number.

269
00:17:21,957 --> 00:17:23,958
Damn. All right. Thank you.

270
00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:25,460
STUART:
Mm-hm.

271
00:17:25,794 --> 00:17:27,295
Wait.

272
00:17:28,297 --> 00:17:29,714
I have his address.

273
00:17:30,215 --> 00:17:32,467
Really? Great.

274
00:17:32,634 --> 00:17:35,553
But I can't give it to you.

275
00:17:35,721 --> 00:17:40,141
-Then why did you tell me you had it?
-I don't know. Just chatting.

276
00:17:41,435 --> 00:17:45,646
You're looking at a guy who could very well
get stood up by a stray cat tonight.

277
00:17:46,815 --> 00:17:48,649
I'm sorry, Stuart. Thanks anyway.

278
00:17:48,817 --> 00:17:50,151
STUART:
Mm-hm.

279
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:52,487
Wait.

280
00:17:53,697 --> 00:17:56,157
-Yeah?
-Maybe we can make a deal.

281
00:17:57,159 --> 00:17:58,242
What kind of deal?

282
00:17:58,994 --> 00:18:03,331
I will give you the address if you go
to my cousin's wedding with me.

283
00:18:03,499 --> 00:18:06,334
-You're extorting a date out of me?
-I kind of have to.

284
00:18:06,502 --> 00:18:10,254
The cousin who's getting married is
the cousin I usually go to weddings with.

285
00:18:11,340 --> 00:18:14,509
-Can I bring Leonard?
-Sure. What the hell?

286
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:17,845
-Deal.
-We'll tell people he's your cousin.

287
00:18:20,516 --> 00:18:23,184
This is Stan Lee's front door.

288
00:18:23,352 --> 00:18:26,354
We were on Stan Lee's curb,
then we were on Stan Lee's walk...

289
00:18:26,522 --> 00:18:29,315
-...and now we're at Stan Lee's front door.
-Yep.

290
00:18:29,483 --> 00:18:30,525
[DOORBELL RINGS]

291
00:18:30,692 --> 00:18:34,529
Oh, Lord, you just rang Stan Lee's
doorbell at Stan Lee's house.

292
00:18:34,696 --> 00:18:37,615
We're about to go in and
have milk and cookies with Stan Lee.

293
00:18:37,783 --> 00:18:41,410
Sweetie, I don't know if we're gonna
have cookies or what's gonna happen...

294
00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:44,122
...so just let me talk and--

295
00:18:44,414 --> 00:18:45,957
Yeah?

296
00:18:48,627 --> 00:18:52,213
-Are you Stan Lee?
-Oh, damn.

297
00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:54,799
Hi. I'm Penny.
This is my friend Sheldon.

298
00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:58,386
We're not friends at the moment.
Depends on how this goes.

299
00:18:58,554 --> 00:19:01,514
Right, right. Anyway,
Sheldon here is a huge fan of yours.

300
00:19:01,682 --> 00:19:06,727
He was supposed to meet you the other
day, but he kind of ended up in jail.

301
00:19:07,271 --> 00:19:11,983
I see. And you thought you'd just
come over to my house uninvited?

302
00:19:12,317 --> 00:19:13,818
You said we were invited.

303
00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:18,281
Oh, no, no. I said I'm inviting you
to come with me to Stan Lee's house.

304
00:19:19,032 --> 00:19:21,492
You know, you fanboys are unbelievable.

305
00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:25,163
Do you think you can just ring
my doorbell anytime you want?

306
00:19:25,330 --> 00:19:28,875
I mean, why don't you just come on in
and watch the Lakers game with me?

307
00:19:29,877 --> 00:19:33,254
Well, I'm not much of a sports fan,
but thank you.

308
00:19:35,090 --> 00:19:38,342
I'm sorry.
He doesn't really understand sarcasm.

309
00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:40,761
Well, I'll give him something
he'll understand.

310
00:19:40,929 --> 00:19:44,265
-Joanie, call the police.
-Nice to meet you.

311
00:19:50,731 --> 00:19:53,065
Fantastic Four, Daredevil...

312
00:19:53,233 --> 00:19:56,444
...Invincible Iron Man,
Happy Hogan, Curt Connors--

313
00:19:56,612 --> 00:19:58,237
Would you just let it go?

314
00:19:59,114 --> 00:20:03,951
And worst of all, Fin Fang Foom.

315
00:20:05,621 --> 00:20:08,831
-Hey. Where you been?
-I'll tell you where I've been.

316
00:20:08,999 --> 00:20:11,918
You boys may have had gelato
with Stan Lee...

317
00:20:12,085 --> 00:20:15,755
...and gotten autographed comics,
but I saw the inside of his house...

318
00:20:15,923 --> 00:20:20,134
...and got an autographed application
for a restraining order.

319
00:20:21,637 --> 00:20:23,721
Sweet.

320
00:20:24,306 --> 00:20:27,308
Plus, I get to hang out with him again,
at the hearing.

321
00:20:29,811 --> 00:20:31,312
This is going to look great...

322
00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:34,815
...hanging next to my restraining order
from Leonard Nimoy.

323
00:21:01,093 --> 00:21:03,094
[ENGLISH - US - SDH]

323
00:21:04,305 --> 00:21:10,575
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