1 00:00:13,413 --> 00:00:15,813 [Telephone ringing] 2 00:00:15,881 --> 00:00:17,115 Hello. 3 00:00:17,183 --> 00:00:19,051 (Man) Hello. This is the fox network. 4 00:00:19,118 --> 00:00:22,487 Yeah, we just wanna say we are thrilled to have you with us, big guy. 5 00:00:22,555 --> 00:00:26,624 Wait a minute. Did I call John madden or that stupid cartoon critic? 6 00:00:36,269 --> 00:00:37,735 It stinks. 7 00:00:39,672 --> 00:00:40,605 [Remote clicks] 8 00:00:49,832 --> 00:00:52,384 Our next film stars Keanu Reeves and Christian slater 9 00:00:52,452 --> 00:00:54,919 in star trek, generation x. 10 00:00:56,956 --> 00:00:59,591 Space: Big deal. 11 00:00:59,658 --> 00:01:01,025 All right, you two. 12 00:01:01,094 --> 00:01:04,396 Who wrote, "beavis and butt head rule" on the back of my skull? 13 00:01:04,464 --> 00:01:05,964 Not us, man. 14 00:01:06,031 --> 00:01:09,434 [Laughing like beavis and butt-head] 15 00:01:09,502 --> 00:01:12,070 Hey, aren't you the dudes from the t.V. Show? 16 00:01:12,138 --> 00:01:13,605 You know, that space thing? 17 00:01:13,672 --> 00:01:16,575 Will you please try to stay in character? 18 00:01:16,642 --> 00:01:19,711 When will people stop going to star trek movies? 19 00:01:19,778 --> 00:01:23,948 Maybe when they see this clip of William shatner's musical number. 20 00:01:24,016 --> 00:01:25,283 [Inhaling] 21 00:01:26,119 --> 00:01:27,952 "Raindrops keep 22 00:01:28,020 --> 00:01:30,122 "falling on my head 23 00:01:30,189 --> 00:01:33,691 my feet are too big for my bed." 24 00:01:33,759 --> 00:01:34,959 ♪[Jingling] 25 00:01:37,997 --> 00:01:40,332 Ah, 4:30. Time for dinner. 26 00:01:42,101 --> 00:01:45,570 Hmm. What's that sulfur smell coming from the egg bin? 27 00:01:45,638 --> 00:01:47,472 Oh, it must mean the eggs have ripened. 28 00:01:47,540 --> 00:01:50,675 Wait a minute. Eggs don't ripen. Eggs don't ripen! 29 00:01:50,743 --> 00:01:52,043 [Exploding] 30 00:01:52,945 --> 00:01:54,613 [Squawking] 31 00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:56,014 [Bursting] 32 00:01:56,081 --> 00:01:57,415 I think I'll eat at my parents'. 33 00:01:57,483 --> 00:01:58,650 [Birds chirping] 34 00:02:00,353 --> 00:02:01,886 Oh... 35 00:02:01,954 --> 00:02:03,321 Margo, what's wrong? 36 00:02:03,389 --> 00:02:06,158 I'm the only girl in my class without a boyfriend. 37 00:02:06,225 --> 00:02:09,461 Oh, margo, a girl like you will have plenty of boyfriends. 38 00:02:09,529 --> 00:02:11,763 How? I'm stuck in an all-girl school, 39 00:02:11,830 --> 00:02:15,634 and the only available guy in the neighborhood is ed koch. 40 00:02:15,701 --> 00:02:17,235 How am I doin'? How am I doin'? 41 00:02:17,303 --> 00:02:19,504 Go away. I'm not doin' so good. 44 00:02:23,476 --> 00:02:27,011 Ted forrester's going to prison in that s & l scandal. 45 00:02:27,079 --> 00:02:28,446 Ah, prison. 46 00:02:28,514 --> 00:02:31,249 Those were the best 5 to 10 years of my life. 47 00:02:31,317 --> 00:02:33,318 You know, I was a model prisoner. 48 00:02:33,386 --> 00:02:35,887 Modeled lingerie, mostly. 49 00:02:35,954 --> 00:02:36,888 (Mover #1) Oh, my chest! 50 00:02:38,424 --> 00:02:39,357 (Mover #2) This is killing me. 51 00:02:42,328 --> 00:02:44,095 Hello, young unwashed man. 52 00:02:44,163 --> 00:02:46,331 I'm Eleanor sherman, your new neighbor, 53 00:02:46,399 --> 00:02:48,633 and this is my daughter, margo. 54 00:02:48,701 --> 00:02:49,767 Hi. 55 00:02:49,835 --> 00:02:51,403 My name is Johnny wrath. 56 00:02:51,470 --> 00:02:52,770 Johnny wrath! 57 00:02:52,838 --> 00:02:55,473 The lead singer/songwriter of nuns in a blender? 58 00:02:55,541 --> 00:02:58,510 The most relevant band on the grunge rock scene today? 59 00:02:58,578 --> 00:02:59,678 Shackleford, 60 00:02:59,745 --> 00:03:01,580 you listen to grunge rock? 61 00:03:01,647 --> 00:03:04,516 Before I was your Butler, I would buttle for the Beatles, 62 00:03:04,584 --> 00:03:06,050 and the turtles and the eagles, 63 00:03:06,118 --> 00:03:07,719 and the kings of heavy metal. 64 00:03:07,786 --> 00:03:10,422 You're a heavy metal- eagle-turtle-beatle Butler? 65 00:03:10,489 --> 00:03:13,391 And I once dusted the lamp of John cougar mellencamp. 66 00:03:13,459 --> 00:03:14,626 Would you like to work for me? 67 00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:16,728 This was clearly meant to be. 68 00:03:16,795 --> 00:03:18,996 I never knew you had this itch. 69 00:03:19,064 --> 00:03:21,866 Live and learn, you wicked witch. 70 00:03:21,934 --> 00:03:24,802 I wish I hadn't used the word "itch." 71 00:03:24,870 --> 00:03:26,804 ♪[Loud rock music playing] 72 00:03:29,742 --> 00:03:32,244 (Eleanor) I can't sleep with that awful racket. 73 00:03:32,311 --> 00:03:35,280 (Franklin) You know, as long as we're both awake, 74 00:03:35,348 --> 00:03:37,148 we could, oh... 75 00:03:37,216 --> 00:03:39,351 Well, you have to come to me. 76 00:03:39,418 --> 00:03:40,885 [Dogs snarling] 77 00:03:41,687 --> 00:03:43,288 [Growling] 78 00:03:43,356 --> 00:03:45,390 Maybe tomorrow night. 79 00:03:49,428 --> 00:03:52,464 Jay, do you know where I could find a good preschool for penny? 80 00:03:52,531 --> 00:03:55,900 I don't know if I like her hangin' around Doris all day. 81 00:03:55,968 --> 00:03:57,902 Oy, my hip is killin' me. 82 00:03:57,970 --> 00:04:00,238 [Imitating doris] Oy, at least you don't have diaper rash. 83 00:04:00,306 --> 00:04:01,740 Mah-jong. 84 00:04:01,807 --> 00:04:03,275 Well, I'd like to help you, 85 00:04:03,342 --> 00:04:06,177 but my only experience with preschool was rather painful. 86 00:04:08,113 --> 00:04:10,382 We have a special guest today, children. 87 00:04:10,449 --> 00:04:11,816 Dr. Timothy leary. 88 00:04:11,884 --> 00:04:14,085 And he brought his own kool-aid. 89 00:04:14,153 --> 00:04:16,254 [All cheering] 90 00:04:16,322 --> 00:04:19,658 Next thing I knew, I was down at the hungry eye, jamming with Dylan. 91 00:04:19,725 --> 00:04:23,361 [Imitating Bob dylan] ♪ John Jacob jingleheimer schmidt ♪ 92 00:04:23,429 --> 00:04:27,799 ♪ that's my name, too 93 00:04:27,866 --> 00:04:29,701 ♪[playing harmonica] 94 00:04:33,071 --> 00:04:34,806 (Alice) I'm interested in your preschool 95 00:04:34,873 --> 00:04:35,940 for my daughter penny. 96 00:04:36,008 --> 00:04:37,875 We have room for your daughter. 97 00:04:37,943 --> 00:04:40,878 Wonderful. But I'd like a tour first. 98 00:04:40,946 --> 00:04:43,448 A tour? Uh, why, yes, of course. 99 00:04:44,216 --> 00:04:45,417 [Kids moaning] 100 00:04:48,187 --> 00:04:50,121 This is child labor. 101 00:04:50,189 --> 00:04:51,756 Well, yes. 102 00:04:51,824 --> 00:04:54,859 Sir, have we made enough Simpsons merchandise yet? 103 00:04:54,927 --> 00:04:56,027 Never! 104 00:04:57,663 --> 00:04:59,163 Maybe this one'll be better. 105 00:04:59,231 --> 00:05:00,231 [Door squeaking] 106 00:05:04,770 --> 00:05:06,671 Come on in. It's nap time. 107 00:05:06,739 --> 00:05:08,172 I don't want to nap. 108 00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:11,576 You will nap or be eaten by the worm from hell! 109 00:05:11,644 --> 00:05:13,110 I don't like this school. 110 00:05:13,178 --> 00:05:16,247 Which part didn't you like? It's the worm from hell, isn't it? 111 00:05:16,315 --> 00:05:17,415 [Exploding] 112 00:05:17,483 --> 00:05:19,984 He's not so bad once you get to know him. 113 00:05:20,052 --> 00:05:21,586 Let's go, honey. 114 00:05:22,621 --> 00:05:24,055 [Whimpering] 115 00:05:24,122 --> 00:05:26,524 ♪[Classical music playing] 116 00:05:26,592 --> 00:05:27,892 [Footsteps approaching] 117 00:05:30,128 --> 00:05:31,863 Oh, penny. 118 00:05:31,930 --> 00:05:33,465 It's beautiful. 119 00:05:33,532 --> 00:05:34,899 [Kids laughing] 120 00:05:34,967 --> 00:05:37,535 Do you think we can get in, mama? 121 00:05:37,603 --> 00:05:40,672 [Gate squeaking] Your kids are brats, prince Charles. Get out. 122 00:05:40,740 --> 00:05:42,374 I'll have your head for this! 123 00:05:42,441 --> 00:05:44,509 Who died and made you king? 124 00:05:44,577 --> 00:05:46,177 [Sniffling] Nobody. 125 00:05:48,947 --> 00:05:50,548 ♪[Playing chords] 126 00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:55,887 What are you workin' on? 127 00:05:55,954 --> 00:05:57,321 Writing a love song. 128 00:05:57,390 --> 00:06:00,392 Do you know a rhyme for "flesh-eating bacteria"? 129 00:06:00,459 --> 00:06:02,326 [Chuckling] Sorry. 130 00:06:08,501 --> 00:06:09,768 Yeah... 131 00:06:09,835 --> 00:06:10,835 [Laughing] 132 00:06:10,903 --> 00:06:14,005 [Chuckling] Yeah. Yeah. 133 00:06:14,072 --> 00:06:18,209 First he stole my Butler. Now he's stealing my daughter. 134 00:06:18,277 --> 00:06:20,211 Well, he won't steal the silverware. 135 00:06:20,279 --> 00:06:22,447 I've glued that to the ceiling. 136 00:06:23,248 --> 00:06:25,149 [Barking] 137 00:06:25,217 --> 00:06:27,819 Uh, dad, I understand the silverware, 138 00:06:27,887 --> 00:06:29,387 but why the dog? 139 00:06:29,455 --> 00:06:31,423 You understand the silverware? 140 00:06:31,490 --> 00:06:33,090 [Chuckling] Cuckoo. 141 00:06:35,293 --> 00:06:38,430 Tonight on hard copy, o. J. Refuses to speak. 142 00:06:40,433 --> 00:06:42,133 Part 2 tomorrow. 143 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:45,503 Next, nuns in a blender front man, Johnny wrath, has a new girlfriend, 144 00:06:45,571 --> 00:06:46,704 margo sherman. 145 00:06:46,772 --> 00:06:48,973 Margo's brother is film critic Jay sherman. 146 00:06:49,041 --> 00:06:52,944 Here's an embarrassing photo of Jay with his foot stuck in a toilet. 147 00:06:53,011 --> 00:06:55,379 Last week, they appeared on the Howard stern show. 148 00:06:55,448 --> 00:06:57,315 Well, Howard, my new album is... 149 00:06:57,382 --> 00:06:59,350 shut up. Margo, can I see you naked? 150 00:06:59,418 --> 00:07:00,384 [Laughing] 151 00:07:00,453 --> 00:07:01,486 Of course not. 152 00:07:01,554 --> 00:07:03,855 [Robin laughing] Then get out. 153 00:07:03,923 --> 00:07:05,222 Robin, what's so funny? 154 00:07:05,290 --> 00:07:07,859 I don't know. I wasn't listening. 155 00:07:07,927 --> 00:07:09,260 Oh, this is horrible. 156 00:07:09,328 --> 00:07:12,664 Our family has always avoided unwanted publicity. 157 00:07:12,731 --> 00:07:16,434 For instance, the pope has been trapped in our hedge maze for a week, 158 00:07:16,502 --> 00:07:18,803 and we haven't told anyone. 159 00:07:18,871 --> 00:07:22,039 Don King, how do you get out of this maze? 160 00:07:22,107 --> 00:07:23,975 If I knew, I'd be there! 161 00:07:24,042 --> 00:07:25,777 Mom, why don't I go talk to margo? 162 00:07:25,845 --> 00:07:28,613 Thank you, Jay. You're a good son. 163 00:07:28,681 --> 00:07:31,783 Now I have to interview replacements for the Butler. 164 00:07:31,851 --> 00:07:32,817 [Doorbell ringing] 165 00:07:33,986 --> 00:07:36,821 Hello. I'm Mrs. doubtfranklin. 166 00:07:36,889 --> 00:07:40,358 Watch me lose my false teeth and set my bosoms on fire. 167 00:07:40,425 --> 00:07:41,659 [Chuckling] 168 00:07:41,727 --> 00:07:43,928 Oh, Franklin, you're not fooling anybody. 169 00:07:43,996 --> 00:07:45,563 Oh, I'm sorry, dear. 170 00:07:45,631 --> 00:07:47,899 I just did this because I wanted to see the children. 171 00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:50,001 You can see them anytime. 172 00:07:50,068 --> 00:07:52,604 Well, who wants to do that? 173 00:07:52,671 --> 00:07:55,573 ♪[Playing classical music] 174 00:07:55,641 --> 00:07:57,609 I'll be honest with you, Mrs. tompkins, 175 00:07:57,676 --> 00:08:00,578 there's no chance of your daughter getting into this preschool. 176 00:08:00,646 --> 00:08:02,413 I refuse to accept that. 177 00:08:02,481 --> 00:08:05,049 My daughter is bright, she's well-behaved... 178 00:08:05,117 --> 00:08:07,552 and I can stand on my head. 179 00:08:07,620 --> 00:08:08,887 [Screaming] 180 00:08:08,954 --> 00:08:10,254 Sorry. 181 00:08:10,322 --> 00:08:12,557 (Woman) Sir, Michael Jackson on line one. 182 00:08:12,625 --> 00:08:14,626 (Michael) Mr. jordell, do you have any openings? 183 00:08:14,693 --> 00:08:17,328 For the last time, Michael, we only take children. 184 00:08:18,497 --> 00:08:19,964 [Sighing heavily] 185 00:08:20,032 --> 00:08:22,099 (T.V. Announcer) And now back to the late late show 186 00:08:22,167 --> 00:08:23,902 with host tom snyder. 187 00:08:23,969 --> 00:08:25,803 Now, Johnny, you rock 'n' roll stars, 188 00:08:25,871 --> 00:08:29,774 you... you wear your hair long, you shake your hips, wh-wh-what's the deal? 189 00:08:29,842 --> 00:08:31,442 And what are you, 100? 190 00:08:31,510 --> 00:08:32,844 Something like that, yes. 191 00:08:32,912 --> 00:08:36,213 Johnny's just like you, Jay. He's not afraid of anything. 192 00:08:36,281 --> 00:08:38,149 Not even the t.V. Networks. 193 00:08:38,216 --> 00:08:40,785 Well, they're all pretty crummy. Except for fox, 194 00:08:40,853 --> 00:08:43,788 the last bastion of quality programming. 195 00:08:43,856 --> 00:08:46,490 God bless you, little logo. 196 00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:48,826 Look, I'm sure it's really exciting dating this guy, 197 00:08:48,894 --> 00:08:50,728 but I'm just afraid you'll get hurt. 198 00:08:50,796 --> 00:08:52,463 I can take care of myself. 199 00:08:52,531 --> 00:08:54,198 I'm almost 17. 200 00:08:54,266 --> 00:08:56,534 I'm only saying this because I care, margo. 201 00:08:56,602 --> 00:08:58,169 Rock stars are scum. 202 00:08:58,236 --> 00:09:00,838 I was once beaten up by snoop doggie dog. 203 00:09:00,906 --> 00:09:04,375 No, wait... it was snoopy the dog at the ice follies. 204 00:09:04,443 --> 00:09:07,244 Jay, if you just spend 5 minutes with Johnny, 205 00:09:07,312 --> 00:09:09,581 you'd see that he's smart, he's honest, 206 00:09:09,648 --> 00:09:11,649 and he really cares about me. 207 00:09:11,717 --> 00:09:13,317 All right. I'll give it a shot. 208 00:09:13,385 --> 00:09:15,720 Oh, now Johnny, i notice you've got a little goatee there. 209 00:09:15,788 --> 00:09:18,122 [Laughs] That's what we used to call a cookie duster. 210 00:09:18,190 --> 00:09:19,657 I, uh... do ya like cookies, Johnny? 211 00:09:19,725 --> 00:09:23,094 Call me crazy, but I... I like hydrox better than oreos. 212 00:09:23,161 --> 00:09:24,395 [Laughing] 213 00:09:24,463 --> 00:09:25,597 Johnny? 214 00:09:27,532 --> 00:09:30,534 Hello. I'm margo's brother, Jay sherman. 215 00:09:31,837 --> 00:09:32,870 Yeah. 216 00:09:33,706 --> 00:09:35,406 I'm worried about margo. 217 00:09:35,474 --> 00:09:39,343 She's only a kid, and I'm afraid you see her as just another conquest. 218 00:09:39,411 --> 00:09:41,913 Look, I really like margo. 219 00:09:41,981 --> 00:09:43,948 You know, she's cynical and funny. 220 00:09:44,016 --> 00:09:46,383 She's just like you... if you were a girl. 221 00:09:46,451 --> 00:09:48,319 [Giggles] 222 00:09:48,386 --> 00:09:49,988 ♪ Johnny angel 223 00:09:50,055 --> 00:09:51,856 ♪ how I love him 224 00:09:51,924 --> 00:09:55,226 ♪ and I hope one day that he loves me ♪ 225 00:09:55,293 --> 00:09:57,629 va-va-va-voom! 226 00:09:57,696 --> 00:10:01,699 I swear, man, I'd never do anything to hurt margo. 227 00:10:01,767 --> 00:10:04,736 You know, my gut's tellin' me we're going to be friends. 228 00:10:04,803 --> 00:10:07,739 (Stomach) There's a pumpkin pie cooling on his windowsill. 229 00:10:07,806 --> 00:10:10,241 You make nice, and the pie is mine! 230 00:10:13,411 --> 00:10:17,248 Our last film tonight is a hard-hitting look at alcoholism, entitled 231 00:10:17,315 --> 00:10:19,450 d. T., the drunken terrestrial. 232 00:10:21,186 --> 00:10:22,386 [Gulping] 233 00:10:23,188 --> 00:10:24,555 I love you. 234 00:10:24,623 --> 00:10:28,793 I really, really, really love you. 235 00:10:29,494 --> 00:10:30,862 [Retching] 236 00:10:30,929 --> 00:10:32,063 [Meows] 237 00:10:32,131 --> 00:10:33,497 I don't know when I ate that. 238 00:10:37,903 --> 00:10:40,504 E.T., I don't think we should do this right now. 239 00:10:40,572 --> 00:10:43,808 I fly better when I've had a few. 240 00:10:46,011 --> 00:10:47,278 [Yelling] 241 00:10:47,345 --> 00:10:48,579 [Crashing] 242 00:10:49,748 --> 00:10:51,482 Ow. 243 00:10:51,550 --> 00:10:53,184 You know, I really like this film. 244 00:10:53,251 --> 00:10:55,687 It dealt with a serious problem in an entertaining way. 245 00:10:55,754 --> 00:10:57,722 One of my sponsors is bloat beer. 246 00:10:57,790 --> 00:11:00,457 But they'd be the first to admit that drinking is the worst... 247 00:11:00,525 --> 00:11:04,128 ♪ bloat beer for breakfast, bloat beer for lunch ♪ 248 00:11:04,196 --> 00:11:05,963 ♪ bloat beer while you're driving ♪ 249 00:11:06,031 --> 00:11:08,199 ♪ it really packs a punch, ooh ♪ 250 00:11:08,266 --> 00:11:09,867 get off the stage! 251 00:11:11,336 --> 00:11:13,504 I'll cut ya, man. I'll cut ya. 252 00:11:13,572 --> 00:11:18,509 That's the last time I hire Sean young to be a dancing beer bottle. 253 00:11:18,577 --> 00:11:22,680 I've finally found a decent preschool and they won't accept penny. 254 00:11:22,748 --> 00:11:23,715 That's awful. 255 00:11:23,782 --> 00:11:25,083 I don't know what to do. 256 00:11:25,150 --> 00:11:27,284 I feel like I'm failin' my little girl. 257 00:11:27,352 --> 00:11:29,854 Alice, I'll get your daughter into that preschool 258 00:11:29,922 --> 00:11:33,557 even if it means eating a whole cheesecake, then taking a nap. 259 00:11:33,625 --> 00:11:35,093 That won't help. 260 00:11:35,160 --> 00:11:36,527 It couldn't hurt. 261 00:11:36,595 --> 00:11:38,796 ♪[Drums pounding] Here they are: 262 00:11:38,864 --> 00:11:41,099 Nuns in a blender! 263 00:11:41,166 --> 00:11:43,567 [Crowd screaming] 264 00:11:43,635 --> 00:11:46,003 These front-row seats are amazing. 265 00:11:46,071 --> 00:11:48,039 Hmm... Is that a speaker? 266 00:11:48,107 --> 00:11:50,241 ♪[Loud guitar chord playing] 267 00:11:51,844 --> 00:11:53,544 Are you all right? 268 00:11:53,612 --> 00:11:54,879 [Rattling] 269 00:11:55,781 --> 00:11:58,816 Are you ready to rock? 270 00:11:58,884 --> 00:12:01,452 (Girl) Not yet! Brad's tyin' his shoe! 271 00:12:01,519 --> 00:12:03,654 [Distant chirping] 272 00:12:03,722 --> 00:12:04,555 (Brad) Ok! 273 00:12:04,623 --> 00:12:06,257 [Crowd cheering] 274 00:12:06,324 --> 00:12:07,992 ♪ At 275 00:12:08,060 --> 00:12:10,294 ♪ last! 276 00:12:10,362 --> 00:12:12,329 Now I'd like to introduce 277 00:12:12,397 --> 00:12:15,066 2 very cool friends of mine: 278 00:12:15,134 --> 00:12:17,334 Margo and Jay sherman! 279 00:12:18,536 --> 00:12:20,238 [Scattered applause] 280 00:12:23,708 --> 00:12:25,810 [Grunting] 281 00:12:25,878 --> 00:12:28,079 I have a low center of gravity. 282 00:12:28,147 --> 00:12:29,147 [Grunting] 283 00:12:29,214 --> 00:12:30,648 [Crane squeaking] 284 00:12:34,386 --> 00:12:36,053 (Man) Hey! It's meatloaf! 285 00:12:36,121 --> 00:12:37,288 (Jay) Shut up! 286 00:12:38,723 --> 00:12:40,992 Look, I... I got somethin' to show ya. 287 00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:43,861 Wow. 288 00:12:43,929 --> 00:12:46,563 Yeah, it used to say "maggot," but I figured, what the heck, 289 00:12:46,631 --> 00:12:48,833 I'm never going to see her again. 290 00:12:48,901 --> 00:12:51,169 You're very special to me, margo. 291 00:12:52,237 --> 00:12:53,271 [Whirring] 292 00:12:53,338 --> 00:12:54,772 [Both moaning] 293 00:12:56,741 --> 00:12:57,975 (Margo) Hey, watch it. 294 00:12:58,043 --> 00:12:59,443 [Whirring] What? 295 00:12:59,511 --> 00:13:02,213 I'm sorry. I'm just not ready yet. 296 00:13:02,281 --> 00:13:04,581 Take all the time you need. When you're ready, 297 00:13:04,649 --> 00:13:07,351 it'll be a gift you give only to me. 298 00:13:07,419 --> 00:13:10,521 And a gift you give only to me. 299 00:13:10,588 --> 00:13:12,423 Uh...Yeah. 300 00:13:12,490 --> 00:13:14,859 [Birds chirping] 301 00:13:14,927 --> 00:13:18,362 Mom, I need some advice about sex. 302 00:13:18,430 --> 00:13:19,997 I don't think you're ready yet. 303 00:13:20,065 --> 00:13:22,800 Women today are always rushing into things. 304 00:13:22,868 --> 00:13:25,569 It takes years of flirting and teasing 305 00:13:25,637 --> 00:13:27,939 to bring a man to a proper boil. 306 00:13:28,006 --> 00:13:29,841 [Rattling and gurgling] 307 00:13:31,710 --> 00:13:35,079 I'm not sure if it's Johnny I love or the glamour. 308 00:13:35,147 --> 00:13:37,315 Believe me, I know what that's like. 309 00:13:38,650 --> 00:13:41,018 Wow! I can't believe I'm on a date with Cher, 310 00:13:41,086 --> 00:13:43,955 and that I met her in a bus station in Newark, of all places. 311 00:13:44,022 --> 00:13:45,622 I got you, babe. 312 00:13:45,690 --> 00:13:48,025 Margo, I know this thing with Johnny is confusing, 313 00:13:48,093 --> 00:13:51,762 but if you look deep inside yourself, you'll know what to do. 314 00:13:57,936 --> 00:13:59,203 [Snuffles] 315 00:14:05,710 --> 00:14:06,643 Johnny? 316 00:14:07,545 --> 00:14:08,746 [Gasps] 317 00:14:09,414 --> 00:14:11,215 Margo? Oh, man. 318 00:14:11,283 --> 00:14:13,050 Margo, I'm sorry! 319 00:14:13,118 --> 00:14:14,618 Oh, man. 320 00:14:18,923 --> 00:14:19,991 [Switch clicking] 321 00:14:28,767 --> 00:14:31,802 Darling, I'm sorry you were hurt. 322 00:14:31,870 --> 00:14:33,804 Mom, I trusted him. 323 00:14:33,872 --> 00:14:35,373 Listen to me, margo. 324 00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:37,975 You are going to have plenty of boyfriends, 325 00:14:38,043 --> 00:14:40,044 until one day you finally find 326 00:14:40,112 --> 00:14:43,414 the wonderful man you wish to marry. 327 00:14:43,481 --> 00:14:45,016 ♪[Drum pounding] 328 00:14:45,083 --> 00:14:47,785 48 hours and still going. 329 00:14:47,852 --> 00:14:49,520 [Sighing] Oh... 330 00:14:50,555 --> 00:14:51,855 Our last film tonight 331 00:14:51,924 --> 00:14:54,858 is the new, politically correct version of James Bond, 332 00:14:54,927 --> 00:14:58,262 on his or her majesty's secret service. 333 00:14:59,764 --> 00:15:01,665 Well, darling, thanks to my efforts, 334 00:15:01,733 --> 00:15:05,836 blofeld's army will now admit homosexuals, the blind and midgets. 335 00:15:05,904 --> 00:15:07,939 Die, bond! Die! 336 00:15:08,006 --> 00:15:10,441 Uh, Mr. bond is next door. 337 00:15:10,508 --> 00:15:11,976 Oh, silly me. 338 00:15:12,044 --> 00:15:13,311 [Grunting] 339 00:15:17,149 --> 00:15:20,651 James, please, you know how I hate second-hand smoke. 340 00:15:20,718 --> 00:15:22,553 Maybe I could light your fire. 341 00:15:22,620 --> 00:15:25,089 Well, before we begin, 342 00:15:25,157 --> 00:15:28,492 I need a list of all the women you've been with for the last 20 years. 343 00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:30,161 Hmm, let's see. 344 00:15:30,228 --> 00:15:33,831 There's pussy galore, holly goodhead, plenty O'Toole, 345 00:15:33,898 --> 00:15:35,333 and of course octopussy... 346 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:37,701 uh, maybe, we should just cuddle. 347 00:15:37,769 --> 00:15:39,303 Cuddle, my ass! 348 00:15:39,371 --> 00:15:42,706 That's sexual harassment and I don't have to take it. 349 00:15:42,774 --> 00:15:45,876 ♪[James Bond theme playing] 350 00:15:45,944 --> 00:15:47,678 (Male narrator) James Bond will return 351 00:15:47,745 --> 00:15:49,981 in Dr. no means no. 352 00:15:50,048 --> 00:15:51,282 I like this film, 353 00:15:51,350 --> 00:15:54,085 particularly its anti-smoking message. 354 00:15:54,152 --> 00:15:57,754 The company that owns this show makes "phlegm fatale" cigarettes. 355 00:15:57,822 --> 00:16:00,224 But I'm sure they'd agree that smoking is the worst... 356 00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:04,695 ♪ smoke in the bathroom, smoke after school ♪ 357 00:16:04,762 --> 00:16:07,598 ♪ don't listen to your parents ♪ 358 00:16:07,665 --> 00:16:12,003 ♪ 'cause smokin's really cool ♪ 359 00:16:12,070 --> 00:16:14,938 hey! That was me back in 1954. 360 00:16:15,007 --> 00:16:17,308 ♪ Smoke in the bathroom 361 00:16:17,376 --> 00:16:19,410 ♪ smoke after school 362 00:16:19,478 --> 00:16:21,312 really? What happened to your career? 363 00:16:21,380 --> 00:16:24,648 I got knocked up by the fruit of the loom banana. 364 00:16:24,716 --> 00:16:26,750 Listen up, pugsley. We got to talk. 365 00:16:26,818 --> 00:16:28,352 But first I need your help, boss. 366 00:16:28,420 --> 00:16:31,288 I promised Alice I'd get her little girl into preschool, 367 00:16:31,356 --> 00:16:32,789 and I haven't had any luck. 368 00:16:32,857 --> 00:16:35,092 I ate a cheesecake, I took a nap. 369 00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:36,960 What more can one man do? 370 00:16:37,029 --> 00:16:38,795 I'll do what I can, son. 371 00:16:39,697 --> 00:16:41,932 [Grunting] 372 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:44,801 I'm Duke Phillips, and I want you to put this little girl 373 00:16:44,869 --> 00:16:46,504 in your school, pronto! 374 00:16:46,571 --> 00:16:49,873 Well, I'm sorry, Mr. leghorn, but we don't have an opening. 375 00:16:49,941 --> 00:16:51,442 You know what he's sayin', Duke. 376 00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:53,744 He's saying that you can't get the daughter of the assistant 377 00:16:53,811 --> 00:16:56,280 to one of your most expendable employees into this pre-school. 378 00:16:56,348 --> 00:16:57,881 Is that a compliment or an insult? 379 00:16:57,949 --> 00:16:59,016 An insult. 380 00:16:59,084 --> 00:17:01,018 I've never been so insulted in my life. 381 00:17:01,086 --> 00:17:04,455 So what are you going to do, build your own preschool? 382 00:17:04,523 --> 00:17:07,124 Your own preschool, I'd like to see that. 383 00:17:12,164 --> 00:17:13,997 [Sighing] 384 00:17:14,066 --> 00:17:15,899 Don't take it so hard, buddy. 385 00:17:15,967 --> 00:17:17,801 Have some soft-serve ice cream. 386 00:17:17,869 --> 00:17:19,403 [Gurgling] 387 00:17:19,471 --> 00:17:22,339 Could this possibly be any more disgusting? 388 00:17:22,407 --> 00:17:24,075 You should see the muffin shooter. 389 00:17:24,676 --> 00:17:26,043 Mmm-mmm! 390 00:17:26,111 --> 00:17:27,644 [Birds chirping] 391 00:17:33,418 --> 00:17:35,553 The hardest part was teaching the bunnies to hug. 392 00:17:35,620 --> 00:17:38,255 Thank you for the wonderful school, Uncle Duke. 393 00:17:38,323 --> 00:17:40,291 Oh, you're welcome, honey. 394 00:17:40,358 --> 00:17:42,359 Now I'd like you to meet your English teacher, prince Charles, 395 00:17:42,427 --> 00:17:45,463 your dance instructor, Sean young, 396 00:17:45,530 --> 00:17:49,567 and your headmaster, pulitzer prize-winning columnist, Mr. Jimmy breslin. 397 00:17:49,634 --> 00:17:50,767 Here's your headline, 398 00:17:50,835 --> 00:17:52,203 "bunnies bite breslin. 399 00:17:52,270 --> 00:17:53,971 Breslin bleeds badly." 400 00:17:56,841 --> 00:17:59,076 Oh, he still looks cute. 401 00:17:59,144 --> 00:18:01,312 Margo, you'll get over Johnny. 402 00:18:01,379 --> 00:18:04,081 How? He's right next door. 403 00:18:04,149 --> 00:18:07,151 [Horse neighing] I just wish we could get rid of him. 404 00:18:07,219 --> 00:18:08,819 [Drum pounding] 405 00:18:08,886 --> 00:18:09,720 [Dogs barking] 406 00:18:11,590 --> 00:18:13,557 I'm not really a rabbit. 407 00:18:13,625 --> 00:18:14,558 We know. 408 00:18:14,626 --> 00:18:15,892 [Gun fires] Ohh! 409 00:18:17,562 --> 00:18:19,029 I have an idea. 410 00:18:19,097 --> 00:18:22,099 I bet we're not the only ones with embarrassing parents. 411 00:18:25,337 --> 00:18:26,470 Huh? 412 00:18:29,574 --> 00:18:32,409 No! It can't be! 413 00:18:32,477 --> 00:18:36,413 We're Johnny's parents, herb and myra rathberg. 414 00:18:36,481 --> 00:18:39,650 We didn't shorten our name to impress the gentiles. 415 00:18:39,717 --> 00:18:41,252 Didn't you kill your mom? 416 00:18:41,319 --> 00:18:43,354 No, that was just a song. 417 00:18:43,421 --> 00:18:45,656 Johnny wrath, your middle name is "bogus." 418 00:18:45,723 --> 00:18:47,458 Oh, no. It's shlomo. 419 00:18:47,526 --> 00:18:49,560 Johnny shlomo, get the bags. 420 00:18:49,628 --> 00:18:51,295 The bags? 421 00:18:51,363 --> 00:18:53,997 A house this big, you can't spare room for your parents? 422 00:18:54,065 --> 00:18:55,699 And maybe aunt yetta? 423 00:18:55,767 --> 00:18:57,434 Yetta's coming? Oy! 424 00:18:57,502 --> 00:18:59,503 ♪ Widen the doors 425 00:18:59,571 --> 00:19:01,438 ♪ strengthen the floors 426 00:19:01,506 --> 00:19:03,574 ♪ yetta's back in town 427 00:19:03,642 --> 00:19:07,178 look at me. I'm a regular Bruce springstein. Oy! 428 00:19:07,245 --> 00:19:08,912 [Tires screeching] 429 00:19:08,980 --> 00:19:10,914 That's it. I'm outta here. 430 00:19:16,854 --> 00:19:18,522 Now, why on earth 431 00:19:18,590 --> 00:19:21,158 would a grown man not want to live with his parents and aunt yetta? 432 00:19:21,226 --> 00:19:23,594 Mom, nobody can be cool in front of their parents. 433 00:19:23,662 --> 00:19:25,496 Not even Sean connery? 434 00:19:25,564 --> 00:19:29,300 So when are you goin' to settle down with that nice miss Moneypenny? 435 00:19:29,367 --> 00:19:32,436 For the last time, dad, it's just a bloody movie! 436 00:19:32,504 --> 00:19:35,872 Pipe down and eat your haggis. 437 00:19:35,940 --> 00:19:39,042 Margo, before I left I just wanted to say goodbye. 438 00:19:39,110 --> 00:19:41,245 Oh, that is so sweet. 439 00:19:41,313 --> 00:19:45,015 Before you left, I wanted to say "get bent." 440 00:19:45,083 --> 00:19:48,552 Look, you loathe me and I'm comfortable with that. 441 00:19:48,620 --> 00:19:50,621 But I did write a song for you. 442 00:19:50,689 --> 00:19:53,524 It's called "margo." 443 00:19:53,592 --> 00:19:58,495 ♪ Margo, I blew it 444 00:20:01,132 --> 00:20:05,168 ♪ now I got to chew it 445 00:20:06,070 --> 00:20:07,971 [groaning] 446 00:20:08,039 --> 00:20:11,542 ♪ I'm sorry! I'm sorry! 447 00:20:11,610 --> 00:20:15,979 ♪ I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry ♪ 448 00:20:16,047 --> 00:20:19,883 ♪ I'm so sorry! 449 00:20:19,951 --> 00:20:23,120 ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah 450 00:20:26,391 --> 00:20:27,424 what do you think? 451 00:20:27,492 --> 00:20:28,592 [Crashing] 452 00:20:28,660 --> 00:20:29,660 Oh. 453 00:20:29,728 --> 00:20:31,362 That was beautiful. 454 00:20:31,429 --> 00:20:32,596 [Bell ringing] 455 00:20:34,165 --> 00:20:36,233 All right, time for school. 456 00:20:36,301 --> 00:20:39,670 The first thing I'm going to teach you: Where to buy a nice pretzel. 457 00:20:41,906 --> 00:20:43,307 [Kissing] 458 00:20:43,375 --> 00:20:45,976 Now, darlin', you play nice with the other children. 459 00:20:46,043 --> 00:20:48,011 What other children? 460 00:20:48,079 --> 00:20:51,014 Oh, you're right. Well, play nice with prince Charles. 461 00:20:51,082 --> 00:20:53,417 And I don't want you touching that broken beer bottle. 462 00:20:53,485 --> 00:20:56,186 Yeah, right, you son of a... 463 00:20:56,254 --> 00:20:59,055 Thank you, Jay, for helpin' my daughter get into this 464 00:20:59,123 --> 00:21:01,191 weird, but wonderful school. 465 00:21:02,727 --> 00:21:04,361 Thank you for getting rid of Johnny. 466 00:21:04,429 --> 00:21:07,631 Yes, it looks like I've wrapped up all the loose ends. 467 00:21:09,801 --> 00:21:13,203 How 'bout this, pope? You fight the dalai lama, 468 00:21:13,271 --> 00:21:15,773 15 rounds at Caesar's palace. 469 00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:18,041 He doesn't have a prayer. 470 00:21:25,450 --> 00:21:26,383 [Munching] 471 00:21:28,019 --> 00:21:28,952 [Gulping] 472 00:21:29,587 --> 00:21:30,521 [Slurping] 473 00:21:59,851 --> 00:22:01,819 (Jay) Celebrity voices are impersonated. 474 00:22:01,886 --> 00:22:05,188 No celebrities were harmed in the filming of this episode. 475 00:22:09,193 --> 00:22:11,027 Excuse me, sir, the show's over. 476 00:22:11,095 --> 00:22:12,929 Get away, zit face. 477 00:22:12,997 --> 00:22:14,498 [Audience murmuring] 478 00:22:14,566 --> 00:22:15,432 Shh!