1 00:00:20,169 --> 00:00:21,469 [Phone ringing] 2 00:00:22,104 --> 00:00:23,704 Hello. 3 00:00:23,772 --> 00:00:25,773 (Woman) Jay, this is the fox network with a little advice. 4 00:00:25,841 --> 00:00:29,710 At the beginning of each show, why don't you write on a chalkboard like Bart? 5 00:00:29,778 --> 00:00:31,979 And could you change your name to homer? 6 00:00:32,048 --> 00:00:34,916 And wear an 8-foot-tall blue wig like Marge? 7 00:00:34,983 --> 00:00:38,219 And how would you feel about sucking on a pacifier? 8 00:00:53,669 --> 00:00:54,869 [Ice cracking] 9 00:00:54,937 --> 00:00:56,337 [All screaming] 10 00:00:56,405 --> 00:00:57,772 [All groaning] 11 00:01:03,112 --> 00:01:04,446 [Dinosaur screeching] 12 00:01:04,513 --> 00:01:05,646 [Both yelling] 13 00:01:07,049 --> 00:01:08,349 It stinks. 14 00:01:23,799 --> 00:01:26,767 Hello, and welcome to coming attractions. 15 00:01:26,835 --> 00:01:30,771 Tonight we'll be reviewing Keanu Reeves in speed reading. 16 00:01:32,108 --> 00:01:35,110 All right, hotshot, you think you're so smart. 17 00:01:35,177 --> 00:01:37,612 Let's see you read this book. 18 00:01:37,679 --> 00:01:38,813 Bogus. 19 00:01:38,880 --> 00:01:41,082 If you read under 50 words a minute, 20 00:01:41,150 --> 00:01:44,319 this book explodes. Ready? Begin. 21 00:01:45,387 --> 00:01:47,054 [Beeping] 22 00:01:47,123 --> 00:01:50,057 "One f-f-fish. 23 00:01:50,126 --> 00:01:51,259 Tuwo." 24 00:01:51,327 --> 00:01:54,329 Oh, no. "2... 2 fi..." 25 00:01:54,396 --> 00:01:55,997 Oh, "fish." 26 00:01:56,064 --> 00:01:57,932 "Red fi..." 27 00:01:58,000 --> 00:01:59,934 It's fish, you idiot! Fish! 28 00:02:00,002 --> 00:02:00,901 [Beeping] 29 00:02:00,969 --> 00:02:02,970 Dude, now I lost my place. 30 00:02:04,940 --> 00:02:07,408 That was not a clip. That was the entire movie. 31 00:02:07,476 --> 00:02:10,945 We'll also review Jim carrey as our 16th president in 32 00:02:11,013 --> 00:02:13,814 Abe Lincoln: Pet detective. 33 00:02:13,882 --> 00:02:17,051 4 score and 7 years ago... 34 00:02:17,119 --> 00:02:20,588 And now, a rebuttal from the South. 35 00:02:20,656 --> 00:02:23,791 So this is what America really thinks is funny: 36 00:02:23,859 --> 00:02:25,226 A talking butt? 37 00:02:25,294 --> 00:02:26,994 [Laughing] 38 00:02:27,062 --> 00:02:28,463 A talkin' butt! 39 00:02:28,531 --> 00:02:29,897 [Laughing] 40 00:02:31,634 --> 00:02:35,436 Well, you'll never see me stoop to humor so low. 41 00:02:35,504 --> 00:02:37,071 [Screaming] 44 00:02:43,945 --> 00:02:45,180 [Grunts] 45 00:02:45,247 --> 00:02:46,981 I think Humphrey's dead. 46 00:02:47,049 --> 00:02:48,249 We're free! 47 00:02:48,317 --> 00:02:49,984 (All) Yay! 48 00:02:50,052 --> 00:02:52,287 No more stupid songs! 49 00:02:53,189 --> 00:02:54,389 [Groans] 50 00:02:55,658 --> 00:02:57,292 Jay, I want a word with you. 51 00:02:57,359 --> 00:02:59,060 Oh, this is embarrassing enough. 52 00:02:59,127 --> 00:03:01,128 Couldn't you speak to me face-to-face? 53 00:03:01,197 --> 00:03:02,129 Doris. 54 00:03:07,769 --> 00:03:10,071 Mr. sherman, I'm here for your publicity photo. 55 00:03:11,773 --> 00:03:13,140 Gotta go! 56 00:03:13,209 --> 00:03:15,677 Jay, you've become an embarrassment to this network. 57 00:03:15,744 --> 00:03:19,247 And wipe that silly smile off your face! 58 00:03:19,315 --> 00:03:21,349 You have to lose weight. 59 00:03:21,417 --> 00:03:25,186 Have you ever considered that you might have cheap, shoddy floors? 60 00:03:25,254 --> 00:03:29,123 Hey, rush limbaugh is 3 floors up, and he isn't having any problems. 61 00:03:29,191 --> 00:03:30,157 [Wood cracking] 62 00:03:30,226 --> 00:03:33,328 (Rush) Whoa! Whoa! 63 00:03:33,395 --> 00:03:35,263 (Jay) Hey, rush, race you to the lobby. 64 00:03:35,331 --> 00:03:38,132 (Rush) I accept your challenge, you liberal cream puff. 65 00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:40,235 Hmm, liberal cream puff. 66 00:03:40,302 --> 00:03:41,469 [Wood cracking] 67 00:03:41,537 --> 00:03:43,771 (Jay and rush) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! 68 00:03:48,977 --> 00:03:52,012 Children, before your president's physical fitness test, 69 00:03:52,080 --> 00:03:55,049 we have a brief film from the president himself. 70 00:03:55,117 --> 00:03:59,320 ♪[Hail to the chief playing] 71 00:03:59,388 --> 00:04:02,957 In order to keep America strong, we must keep America fit. 72 00:04:03,024 --> 00:04:05,092 That's why I... sir, your lunch is here. 73 00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:07,595 Thank you, George. So you see, kids, 74 00:04:07,663 --> 00:04:09,530 physical fitness is essential... 75 00:04:09,598 --> 00:04:10,998 [wood cracking] Whoa! 76 00:04:11,066 --> 00:04:12,099 [Cat yowling] 77 00:04:12,167 --> 00:04:15,169 (Clinton) Sorry, socks. 78 00:04:15,237 --> 00:04:19,974 I'm sure we all appreciate president's Clinton's ground-breaking message. 79 00:04:20,041 --> 00:04:21,309 [Laughing] 80 00:04:22,645 --> 00:04:24,479 Now, on with the tests. 81 00:04:25,180 --> 00:04:26,581 [All grunting] 82 00:04:26,649 --> 00:04:28,616 [Groaning] 83 00:04:28,684 --> 00:04:30,285 [Panting] 84 00:04:30,352 --> 00:04:33,288 Marty sherman, you can't even do one sit-up? 85 00:04:33,355 --> 00:04:36,123 Even the boy from easter island can do one. 86 00:04:41,497 --> 00:04:43,230 [Grunting] 87 00:04:43,299 --> 00:04:45,733 I am sorry, Martin. You are not fit. 88 00:04:45,801 --> 00:04:47,702 [Stomach gurgling] 89 00:04:47,770 --> 00:04:50,505 From now on you must go to remedial gym. 90 00:04:50,572 --> 00:04:54,041 [Children moaning] 91 00:04:54,109 --> 00:04:56,377 Oh, wait, that's remedial choir. 92 00:05:00,349 --> 00:05:02,983 Oh, what a crummy day. 93 00:05:03,051 --> 00:05:07,121 Now, son, it's not our fault the way we are. We just have fat genes. 94 00:05:08,056 --> 00:05:09,857 [Heart beating] 95 00:05:09,925 --> 00:05:11,793 I'm not making him fat. 96 00:05:11,860 --> 00:05:14,228 Me neither. Are you making him fat? 97 00:05:15,263 --> 00:05:17,799 Uh, no. 98 00:05:17,866 --> 00:05:21,035 You know, you could do something about your problems 99 00:05:21,102 --> 00:05:23,671 instead of sittin' there like a couple of lazy lumps. 100 00:05:23,739 --> 00:05:27,442 One of these days, Alice, bang, zoom, right to the moon! 101 00:05:27,509 --> 00:05:29,811 You tell her, daddy boy, hey, hey. 102 00:05:29,878 --> 00:05:30,845 Hmm. 103 00:05:33,615 --> 00:05:34,882 (Fred) Hi. That was me. 104 00:05:34,950 --> 00:05:36,684 Baseball manager Fred mahoney. 105 00:05:36,752 --> 00:05:38,386 And here's how I look today. 106 00:05:38,454 --> 00:05:40,488 My friends used to call me "fatso." 107 00:05:40,556 --> 00:05:42,390 Now they call me "stinky." 108 00:05:42,458 --> 00:05:44,992 How did I do it? Camp mahasapateeya. 109 00:05:45,060 --> 00:05:47,595 It's an Indian word meaning "results may vary." 110 00:05:47,663 --> 00:05:49,196 At camp mahasapateeya, 111 00:05:49,264 --> 00:05:53,133 we welcome adults and children who wish to lose weight. 112 00:05:53,201 --> 00:05:55,837 We offer a scientifically-proven program 113 00:05:55,904 --> 00:05:58,439 of diet, exercise and torture. 114 00:05:58,507 --> 00:06:02,377 Whoops, did I say torture? I meant, uh, macrame. 115 00:06:02,444 --> 00:06:04,011 [Slurping] 116 00:06:04,079 --> 00:06:06,080 With delicious low-Cal cuisine, 117 00:06:06,147 --> 00:06:10,251 supervised by our world-famous chef, vlada veramirovich. 118 00:06:10,318 --> 00:06:12,219 I do it because I love you. 119 00:06:12,287 --> 00:06:14,088 (Male announcer) Vlada receives $5,000,000 120 00:06:14,155 --> 00:06:16,190 for his services and does not love any of you. 121 00:06:16,258 --> 00:06:18,192 You know, son, that camp sounds like fun. 122 00:06:18,260 --> 00:06:20,595 You and I could spend some time together out in the country. 123 00:06:20,662 --> 00:06:22,162 And maybe we'll lose weight. 124 00:06:22,230 --> 00:06:25,466 Yeah, although I will miss being able to do this. 125 00:06:25,534 --> 00:06:29,537 ♪[Trumpet playing] 126 00:06:29,605 --> 00:06:35,175 ♪ Oh, yeah! Heh, heh. 127 00:06:35,243 --> 00:06:37,678 (Man on p.A. System) Passengers for camp mahasapateeya, 128 00:06:37,746 --> 00:06:39,013 the blubber bus is boarding. 129 00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:40,681 Now, don't lose too much weight. 130 00:06:40,749 --> 00:06:42,650 You're perfect, plus 10 pounds. 131 00:06:44,553 --> 00:06:48,122 Alice, this is my ex-wife, ardeth. 132 00:06:48,189 --> 00:06:51,492 Beware, beware, beware! 133 00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:55,996 Ardeth, the judge says you are not allowed to deliver spooky warnings to my girlfriend. 134 00:06:56,064 --> 00:06:59,934 [Grunting] 135 00:07:01,002 --> 00:07:03,103 And no hexes, either. 136 00:07:03,171 --> 00:07:05,740 Goodbye, Marty. I wrote you a letter. 137 00:07:07,309 --> 00:07:09,977 You can read it on the bus. 138 00:07:10,045 --> 00:07:13,180 Hi, everybody. I'm Jeff. Welcome to camp mahasapateeya. 139 00:07:13,248 --> 00:07:15,049 Now, I know you've said, 140 00:07:15,116 --> 00:07:18,285 "somewhere under this flab there's a skinny little guy screaming to get out." 141 00:07:18,353 --> 00:07:20,354 (Man) Let me out. Let me out. 142 00:07:21,757 --> 00:07:23,223 That's better. 143 00:07:24,827 --> 00:07:26,393 Dad, this is fun. 144 00:07:26,462 --> 00:07:29,363 Look, it's the kids from exorcism camp. 145 00:07:30,265 --> 00:07:31,699 Sound off. 146 00:07:31,767 --> 00:07:33,568 [All moaning] 147 00:07:33,635 --> 00:07:34,969 Sound off. 148 00:07:35,036 --> 00:07:38,005 [All moaning] 149 00:07:38,073 --> 00:07:42,610 Overeating is but a symptom. Hypnosis will find the cause of your disease. 150 00:07:42,678 --> 00:07:46,013 Now go back, back to where the problem began. 151 00:07:46,081 --> 00:07:47,114 [Ticking] 152 00:07:49,084 --> 00:07:51,652 Mama. Mama. 153 00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:55,656 Feed him with my what? I don't even know this person. 154 00:07:55,724 --> 00:07:58,092 [Whimpering] 155 00:07:58,159 --> 00:08:00,127 Dieting requires inner strength. 156 00:08:00,195 --> 00:08:03,865 You can lose your self-consciousness by listening to nature. 157 00:08:03,932 --> 00:08:05,600 ♪[Both humming] 158 00:08:05,667 --> 00:08:08,002 (Grass) How come that grass is greener? 159 00:08:08,069 --> 00:08:12,540 (Bull) I feel like a cow trapped in a bull's body. 160 00:08:12,608 --> 00:08:17,044 (Brook) Do I babble too much? I... I think I babble too much. 161 00:08:17,112 --> 00:08:20,147 (All) ♪ Kumbaya, my lord 162 00:08:20,215 --> 00:08:23,017 ♪ Kumbaya 163 00:08:23,084 --> 00:08:25,152 ♪ oh, lord 164 00:08:25,220 --> 00:08:29,991 ♪ Kumbaya 165 00:08:30,058 --> 00:08:35,462 ♪ something's burnin', my lord, Kumbaya ♪ 166 00:08:35,531 --> 00:08:38,833 ♪ I think it's you, dad ♪ 167 00:08:38,901 --> 00:08:39,934 ♪ kumba... 168 00:08:40,002 --> 00:08:42,003 yah! 169 00:08:42,738 --> 00:08:43,738 [Fire crackling] 170 00:08:43,805 --> 00:08:44,739 [Screaming] 171 00:08:50,178 --> 00:08:51,345 [Sniffing] 172 00:08:51,413 --> 00:08:53,047 (Jay) I smell McNuggets. 173 00:08:53,114 --> 00:08:54,148 [Sniffs] 174 00:08:54,215 --> 00:08:55,683 Chicken McNuggets! 175 00:08:55,751 --> 00:08:59,086 Ooh, my favorite mcnugget of all! Oh! Oh! 176 00:09:00,455 --> 00:09:01,622 [Door closes] 177 00:09:01,690 --> 00:09:03,891 Listen up, people, we have a fugitive. 178 00:09:03,959 --> 00:09:06,627 I want a hard target search of every steak house, 179 00:09:06,695 --> 00:09:09,597 pancake house, coffee house, house of pies... 180 00:09:09,665 --> 00:09:11,599 found him. House of pies. 181 00:09:14,770 --> 00:09:18,439 Look at you, Marty. You've hiked 10 Miles and you're not even winded. 182 00:09:18,506 --> 00:09:21,108 Yeah, but I think my dad may be delirious. 183 00:09:21,176 --> 00:09:23,544 Must see... Tom cruise 184 00:09:23,612 --> 00:09:26,781 win Oscar in... My...Lifetime. 185 00:09:32,353 --> 00:09:34,455 You've lost 35 pounds. 186 00:09:34,522 --> 00:09:37,291 Congratulations. See you next month, Oprah. 187 00:09:41,597 --> 00:09:43,363 You've lost 2 pounds. 188 00:09:43,431 --> 00:09:45,532 Yes! Back to my college weight. 189 00:09:48,103 --> 00:09:51,973 Marty, I'm really proud of you. You're our most improved camper. 190 00:09:55,944 --> 00:09:59,780 Good going, son. What a wonderful day. 191 00:09:59,848 --> 00:10:03,150 Hey, look, it's raining toads on the exorcism camp. 192 00:10:04,486 --> 00:10:05,720 [Toads croaking] 193 00:10:05,787 --> 00:10:06,887 [All moaning] 194 00:10:18,199 --> 00:10:20,534 [All grunting] 195 00:10:23,038 --> 00:10:24,705 [All groaning] 196 00:10:29,377 --> 00:10:31,411 You don't belong here, son. 197 00:10:35,817 --> 00:10:39,219 I lost 2 pounds. All from my stomach. 198 00:10:39,287 --> 00:10:43,157 Nice work, son. Maybe now we can get Doris to quit smoking. 199 00:10:43,224 --> 00:10:46,527 [Cash register ringing] 200 00:10:46,594 --> 00:10:49,429 I can do this all day. 201 00:10:49,497 --> 00:10:52,033 Tonight, I'll be reviewing Disney's latest feature, 202 00:10:52,100 --> 00:10:56,236 the cockroach king, starring Howard stern. 203 00:10:56,304 --> 00:10:59,774 ♪[Music imitating the theme from the lion king playing] 204 00:11:32,174 --> 00:11:33,874 (As James Earl Jones) Behold your king. 205 00:11:33,942 --> 00:11:36,777 (As Howard stern) Right. I'm your new king. What do you think of that? 206 00:11:36,845 --> 00:11:39,046 Hey, baby, show me your thorax. [Squeaking] 207 00:11:39,114 --> 00:11:41,015 The only good thing about this film 208 00:11:41,083 --> 00:11:43,184 is the edible chocolate roaches they gave out. 209 00:11:44,019 --> 00:11:45,252 Mmm-hmm. 210 00:11:46,521 --> 00:11:48,622 Wait a minute. Edible roaches don't crawl. 211 00:11:48,690 --> 00:11:53,127 Edible roaches don't crawl! 212 00:11:53,195 --> 00:11:56,263 Anyway, our next film is the latest from Belgian kickboxer 213 00:11:56,331 --> 00:11:59,399 Jean Paul lepope. Bag boyz 'n the hood. 214 00:12:02,804 --> 00:12:04,905 Hey, you're not my regular bag boy. 215 00:12:04,973 --> 00:12:05,906 [Gun cocking] 216 00:12:05,974 --> 00:12:07,174 [Karate yells] 217 00:12:10,511 --> 00:12:11,779 [Gun firing] 218 00:12:17,119 --> 00:12:19,620 Now what kind of body bag do you want? 219 00:12:19,687 --> 00:12:21,055 Paper or plastic? 220 00:12:25,026 --> 00:12:28,595 Jean Paul lepope is the worst actor I've ever seen. 221 00:12:28,663 --> 00:12:31,866 And I've seen every movie William shatner ever made. 222 00:12:31,933 --> 00:12:33,968 Even kingdom of the spiders! 223 00:12:34,035 --> 00:12:37,304 Although they did give me these edible chocolate spiders. 224 00:12:37,372 --> 00:12:38,639 Mmm-hmm. 225 00:12:40,108 --> 00:12:41,242 [Whimpers] 226 00:12:42,410 --> 00:12:43,644 [Retches] 227 00:12:43,711 --> 00:12:45,780 He thinks I'm worse than shatner? 228 00:12:45,847 --> 00:12:47,414 [Grunts] 229 00:12:47,482 --> 00:12:51,385 Hello. I'm William shatner, and this is celebrity 911. 230 00:12:51,452 --> 00:12:55,790 Tonight, we devote the entire hour to police calls involving James caan. 231 00:12:58,626 --> 00:13:01,061 Caan! 232 00:13:01,129 --> 00:13:05,065 You're going to pay for this, sherman. 233 00:13:05,133 --> 00:13:07,401 (Principal on p.A. System) Attention, students. There is a 234 00:13:07,468 --> 00:13:09,670 [squeaky voice] Helium leak in the building. Ha, ha, ha! 235 00:13:09,737 --> 00:13:11,471 [Laughing] 236 00:13:11,539 --> 00:13:14,275 Hey, sherman. We're going to beat you up, fatso. 237 00:13:14,342 --> 00:13:15,709 [All laugh] 238 00:13:15,777 --> 00:13:17,511 But I'm not fat anymore. 239 00:13:17,578 --> 00:13:19,213 Well, we're still going to beat you up. 240 00:13:19,281 --> 00:13:21,182 No, Bruno, that is not our way. 241 00:13:21,249 --> 00:13:23,951 We only beat up those with obvious flaws. 242 00:13:24,019 --> 00:13:28,222 Say, do you chaps have any vicks vaporub? I have a cold upon my chest. 243 00:13:30,025 --> 00:13:32,426 (Boy) Stop! You're soiling my dickey! 244 00:13:34,930 --> 00:13:35,930 [Gasps] 245 00:13:35,997 --> 00:13:37,431 [All sighing] 246 00:13:44,139 --> 00:13:46,874 3 different girls asked me to Friday's dance. 247 00:13:46,942 --> 00:13:49,376 I never knew all the pressures of being popular. 248 00:13:49,444 --> 00:13:52,079 Believe me, I know what it's like to be popular. 249 00:13:52,147 --> 00:13:55,082 Oh, my God! There's a message on my answering machine. 250 00:13:55,150 --> 00:13:59,854 Oh, who could it be? No one ever calls me. 251 00:13:59,921 --> 00:14:02,857 (Jean Paul) Hello, Jay. This is Jean Paul lepope, 252 00:14:02,924 --> 00:14:04,758 and I'm going to kill you. 253 00:14:11,799 --> 00:14:14,735 It's 11:30. Time for Marty to drink his diet coke. 254 00:14:16,404 --> 00:14:17,838 [All sighing] 255 00:14:19,074 --> 00:14:20,241 [Gulping] 256 00:14:21,442 --> 00:14:23,043 (Alice) I should call the police. 257 00:14:23,111 --> 00:14:25,779 Jay's received 2 death threats from Jean Paul lepope, 258 00:14:25,847 --> 00:14:28,382 and a dead fish wrapped in a newspaper. 259 00:14:28,449 --> 00:14:30,351 Hey, where's the fish? 260 00:14:30,418 --> 00:14:31,451 [Slurps] 261 00:14:31,519 --> 00:14:33,287 Mmm. 262 00:14:33,355 --> 00:14:37,824 Now, don't you worry, honey. I know how to handle situations like this. 263 00:14:37,893 --> 00:14:40,394 I bought Jay some protection. 264 00:14:40,461 --> 00:14:42,296 [All grunting] 265 00:14:42,998 --> 00:14:44,731 This is my posse. 266 00:14:44,799 --> 00:14:47,567 They're gonna be protecting my own bad self. Yeah, we tight. 267 00:14:47,635 --> 00:14:50,170 I pity the fool who messes with the "j" team. 268 00:14:50,238 --> 00:14:55,075 I'm cool. I'm cool. Dukey-Duke don't dis a man when he's chillin' with his homies. 269 00:14:55,143 --> 00:14:57,778 (Principal on p.A. System) Auditions for Peter Pan are being... 270 00:14:57,845 --> 00:14:59,446 [Squeaky voice] Held in the auditorium. 271 00:14:59,514 --> 00:15:01,081 [Normal voice] Stupid helium. 272 00:15:01,149 --> 00:15:03,050 [As marlon brando] I will take the part of Peter Pan 273 00:15:03,118 --> 00:15:05,119 but only for $1 million. 274 00:15:05,186 --> 00:15:09,423 Also the part of captain hook must be played by my good friend, Ben gazzara. 275 00:15:09,490 --> 00:15:10,724 [Groans] 276 00:15:10,792 --> 00:15:11,959 (Marty) Ow! 277 00:15:12,027 --> 00:15:13,593 Marty, what are you doing here? 278 00:15:13,661 --> 00:15:16,430 I'm hiding from those girls who won't leave me alone. 279 00:15:16,497 --> 00:15:19,833 And I'm hiding from those ruffians who wish to manhandle my dickey. 280 00:15:19,901 --> 00:15:22,202 They've already kicked my ascot. 281 00:15:22,270 --> 00:15:25,205 Don't you recognize me, Marty? I used to be Julie Bolen. 282 00:15:25,273 --> 00:15:27,541 You were "swollen Bolen"? 283 00:15:27,608 --> 00:15:31,578 Yes, but that's behind me. I lost weight and changed my name to Julie pimplepuss. 284 00:15:31,646 --> 00:15:33,814 Uh, that's a pretty name. 285 00:15:33,881 --> 00:15:37,084 But I wanted to give you a warning: Stay thin. 286 00:15:37,152 --> 00:15:39,586 People only like someone based on how they look. 287 00:15:39,654 --> 00:15:43,924 That's not true. People have just discovered the real me, that's all. 288 00:15:43,992 --> 00:15:47,727 Hello, handsome. How'd you like to star in the play? 289 00:15:47,795 --> 00:15:49,796 Me? But I can't act. 290 00:15:49,864 --> 00:15:51,498 [Laughs] 291 00:15:51,566 --> 00:15:54,935 That's what the young Steve guttenberg told me and look at him now. 292 00:15:55,003 --> 00:15:57,404 Uh, no, look at him 4 years ago. 293 00:15:57,472 --> 00:16:00,240 We've found our Peter Pan! 294 00:16:03,511 --> 00:16:05,912 Hey, wait a minute. Where's the rest of my posse? 295 00:16:05,981 --> 00:16:08,382 They left for their own sitcom on fox. 296 00:16:08,450 --> 00:16:12,252 Ah, yes, sweet, nonjudgmental fox network. 297 00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:15,322 Where coming in 3rd is a triumph! 298 00:16:23,931 --> 00:16:24,831 [Gasps] 299 00:16:24,899 --> 00:16:25,966 [Footsteps approaching] 300 00:16:27,869 --> 00:16:29,003 Hello, Jay. 301 00:16:29,070 --> 00:16:30,204 Lepope! 302 00:16:30,271 --> 00:16:32,006 Prepare to meet your fate. 303 00:16:32,073 --> 00:16:33,607 [Gun clicks] 304 00:16:33,674 --> 00:16:36,843 Oh, my God. My life is flashing before my eyes. 305 00:16:36,911 --> 00:16:37,844 [Crunching] 306 00:16:40,781 --> 00:16:42,249 Ah, prom night. 307 00:16:46,754 --> 00:16:50,491 Please don't kill me. Please, please, please, please. 308 00:16:50,558 --> 00:16:52,659 Jay, you think I'm going to kill you? 309 00:16:52,727 --> 00:16:54,028 Yes. 310 00:16:54,095 --> 00:16:57,097 [Lisping] Then I must be one fantabulous actor! 311 00:16:57,865 --> 00:16:59,099 Gotcha! 312 00:16:59,167 --> 00:17:01,668 Wait... wait a minute. You were just acting? 313 00:17:01,736 --> 00:17:05,805 That's right. Like most action film stars, I'm dainty as a doily. 314 00:17:05,873 --> 00:17:08,342 Wow. I guess I owe you an apology. 315 00:17:08,410 --> 00:17:11,545 I'll tell you what. I promise to give your next movie a good review. 316 00:17:11,612 --> 00:17:13,713 Oh, good. In my next film, 317 00:17:13,781 --> 00:17:17,384 Joe piscopo and I play siamese twins, joined at the tongues. 318 00:17:17,452 --> 00:17:18,385 It's called, 319 00:17:18,453 --> 00:17:19,886 [garbling] 320 00:17:19,954 --> 00:17:20,921 Part ii. 321 00:17:20,988 --> 00:17:21,922 [Groaning] 322 00:17:23,491 --> 00:17:26,960 Oh, no. Tinkerbell is dead. 323 00:17:30,331 --> 00:17:33,667 Ow! I made one-one in my tutu. 324 00:17:33,734 --> 00:17:37,704 Oh, Martin, put down that cookie. I chose you for your looks. 325 00:17:37,772 --> 00:17:41,007 I'm no good. Why don't you give my part to him? 326 00:17:41,076 --> 00:17:42,909 I'd like to help you, but I'm auditioning 327 00:17:42,977 --> 00:17:46,846 for the part of the blarney stone in the St. Patrick's day pageant. 328 00:17:46,914 --> 00:17:49,450 Whoa. That guy's a rock. 329 00:17:49,517 --> 00:17:51,118 (Marty) Dad, I can't take this. 330 00:17:51,186 --> 00:17:53,554 I'm not a good actor and they won't let me eat. 331 00:17:53,621 --> 00:17:56,022 Marty, don't worry. You've got plenty of talent. 332 00:17:56,091 --> 00:17:58,725 And remember, you don't have to listen to your stomach. 333 00:17:58,793 --> 00:18:01,661 (Stomach) What was that hogwash you were feedin' the boy? 334 00:18:01,729 --> 00:18:03,730 Nothing, master. I... I said nothing. 335 00:18:03,798 --> 00:18:05,966 Very well. Now dance for me. 336 00:18:06,033 --> 00:18:08,602 ♪[Middle eastern music playing] 337 00:18:11,306 --> 00:18:13,507 (Marty) I'm so hungry. 338 00:18:13,575 --> 00:18:17,144 Marty. Maybe a little knish you'd like to nosh? 339 00:18:17,212 --> 00:18:18,145 [Gasps] 340 00:18:19,614 --> 00:18:22,616 Come up and sashimi sometime. 341 00:18:22,683 --> 00:18:24,518 But don't eat me. I'm only plastic. 342 00:18:24,586 --> 00:18:25,552 [Gasps] 343 00:18:25,620 --> 00:18:26,553 [Barks] 344 00:18:26,621 --> 00:18:27,921 Uh, I mean... 345 00:18:27,989 --> 00:18:29,356 [Mooing] 346 00:18:30,358 --> 00:18:32,058 Marty, bite me. 347 00:18:32,127 --> 00:18:35,762 [Gasps] Must be strong. Must be strong. 348 00:18:38,766 --> 00:18:40,300 (Man) Our freezer's broken. 349 00:18:40,368 --> 00:18:42,902 We need somebody to eat 50 gallons of ice cream. 350 00:18:44,038 --> 00:18:46,840 It's Jay sherman's kid. We're saved! 351 00:18:56,050 --> 00:18:57,984 Where could that Peter Pan be? 352 00:18:58,052 --> 00:18:59,919 Perhaps Nana the dog could find him. 353 00:18:59,987 --> 00:19:00,887 [Whistles] 354 00:19:00,955 --> 00:19:02,256 Nana! 355 00:19:02,323 --> 00:19:05,392 Bow wow. This is so humiliating, playing a dog. 356 00:19:05,460 --> 00:19:08,228 This biscuit is keeping my breath fresh, though. 357 00:19:08,296 --> 00:19:10,364 [Grunting] 358 00:19:10,431 --> 00:19:13,167 It is I, the pixie, Peter Pan. 359 00:19:13,234 --> 00:19:14,968 Oh, no, he's fat again! 360 00:19:15,036 --> 00:19:16,470 Uh, a little help? 361 00:19:16,538 --> 00:19:18,639 [All grunting] 362 00:19:19,374 --> 00:19:20,807 [Pulley squeaks] 363 00:19:21,576 --> 00:19:23,477 [All grunting] 364 00:19:23,545 --> 00:19:25,912 (Kids) ♪ he's lighter than air, he soars to all heights ♪ 365 00:19:25,980 --> 00:19:27,881 ♪ then he swoops, and he droops ♪ 366 00:19:27,948 --> 00:19:29,583 ♪ and he gently alights 367 00:19:29,651 --> 00:19:33,353 (Marty yelling) 368 00:19:34,689 --> 00:19:37,023 Mama, I'm scared of Peter Pan. 369 00:19:37,091 --> 00:19:38,425 We all are, honey. 370 00:19:38,493 --> 00:19:41,995 (Marty) ♪ I float on the breeze, a will-o-the-wisp ♪ 371 00:19:42,063 --> 00:19:45,599 ♪ my takeoffs are dainty, my landings are... ♪ 372 00:19:45,667 --> 00:19:46,833 [Marty screams] 373 00:19:47,502 --> 00:19:50,036 Oh, my God. 374 00:19:52,607 --> 00:19:53,540 [Coughs] 375 00:19:56,211 --> 00:19:59,446 I'm Marty sherman, and this is the real me. 376 00:19:59,514 --> 00:20:03,517 And the real me may be a little heavier, but he's a lot happier. 377 00:20:03,585 --> 00:20:05,985 Speaking as tinkerbell, the loveable fairy, 378 00:20:06,053 --> 00:20:08,322 I say, string him up by his grobjes! 379 00:20:08,389 --> 00:20:09,623 [All muttering] 380 00:20:09,691 --> 00:20:10,957 (Jay) Oh, no! 381 00:20:11,025 --> 00:20:13,126 [All murmuring] 382 00:20:13,194 --> 00:20:15,061 I'm the freakin' building engineer. 383 00:20:15,129 --> 00:20:18,265 Peter pancakes over here has damaged the roof unfixably. 384 00:20:18,333 --> 00:20:20,234 The school must be closed for a month. 385 00:20:20,301 --> 00:20:21,968 (Kids) Hooray! 386 00:20:22,036 --> 00:20:26,640 (Kids) Marty! Marty! Marty! Marty! 387 00:20:26,708 --> 00:20:29,142 Well, Marty's learned to be happy with who he is, 388 00:20:29,210 --> 00:20:31,745 and I'm happy because I gained my 2 pounds back. 389 00:20:31,812 --> 00:20:33,213 And I can do this again. 390 00:20:33,281 --> 00:20:36,116 ♪[Trumpet playing] 391 00:20:48,496 --> 00:20:49,929 [Crunching] 392 00:20:50,498 --> 00:20:51,431 [Gulps] 393 00:20:52,233 --> 00:20:53,667 [Slurping] 394 00:21:52,427 --> 00:21:54,494 (Jay) Celebrity voices are impersonated. 395 00:21:54,562 --> 00:21:58,131 No celebrities were harmed in the filming of this episode. 396 00:22:05,406 --> 00:22:07,541 Uh, excuse me, sir. The show's over. 397 00:22:07,608 --> 00:22:09,776 Is the snack bar still open? 398 00:22:11,946 --> 00:22:13,046 [Chattering] 399 00:22:13,113 --> 00:22:13,980 Shh!