1 00:00:20,452 --> 00:00:22,787 [Phone rings] 2 00:00:22,855 --> 00:00:24,155 Hello. 3 00:00:24,223 --> 00:00:26,157 (Woman) Jay, this is Manhattan magazine. 4 00:00:26,225 --> 00:00:28,894 We've got some responses to your personal ad. 5 00:00:28,961 --> 00:00:33,064 "No," "no," "no," "no," "no," "no," "no," "no," "no," "no," 6 00:00:33,132 --> 00:00:36,601 "no," "no," "no," "no," "no," and "no." 7 00:00:42,741 --> 00:00:43,674 [Wheels creaking] 8 00:00:51,517 --> 00:00:52,550 [Ice cracking] 9 00:00:52,618 --> 00:00:54,252 [All screaming] 10 00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:56,054 [All groaning] 11 00:01:00,759 --> 00:01:02,260 [Dinosaur screeching] 12 00:01:02,328 --> 00:01:03,694 [Woman shouting] 13 00:01:05,197 --> 00:01:06,564 It stinks. 14 00:01:08,367 --> 00:01:09,301 [Remote clicks] 15 00:01:18,828 --> 00:01:22,247 Finally, tonight we will review the latest documentary from Ken burns, 16 00:01:22,315 --> 00:01:24,615 who brought us the civil war and baseball. 17 00:01:24,683 --> 00:01:28,386 It's a new 29-hour epic entitled electric football. 18 00:01:28,454 --> 00:01:30,221 Here's a clip from episode 17: 19 00:01:30,289 --> 00:01:32,257 "This game sucks." 20 00:01:35,661 --> 00:01:37,195 [Whirring] 21 00:01:38,530 --> 00:01:39,764 If you ask me, 22 00:01:39,832 --> 00:01:42,633 electric football is a metaphor for America. 23 00:01:42,701 --> 00:01:45,437 Always shakin', always noisy, 24 00:01:45,504 --> 00:01:47,872 never really knowing where it's goin'. 25 00:01:47,940 --> 00:01:48,940 [Chuckles] 26 00:01:49,008 --> 00:01:50,408 Wait a minute. 27 00:01:50,476 --> 00:01:52,077 America's nothing like electric football. 28 00:01:52,144 --> 00:01:54,479 It's just a stupid game that doesn't even work. 29 00:01:54,546 --> 00:01:56,147 Get that camera off me. 30 00:01:56,215 --> 00:01:59,884 You heard me? Get your documentary-making butt out of here. 31 00:01:59,952 --> 00:02:01,953 Well, here's what I think. 32 00:02:02,021 --> 00:02:04,922 Sorry, son. Our research shows people don't care what you think. 33 00:02:04,991 --> 00:02:06,891 They just tune in for the funny clips. 34 00:02:06,959 --> 00:02:08,893 Are you telling me they'd rather watch... 35 00:02:12,164 --> 00:02:13,531 Fine. I don't need this. 36 00:02:13,599 --> 00:02:15,766 Tonight's my parents' 40th anniversary. 37 00:02:15,834 --> 00:02:18,003 You just show all the stupid cats you... 38 00:02:18,737 --> 00:02:19,570 [Meows] 39 00:02:20,772 --> 00:02:23,308 Ha, ha! They are cute. 40 00:02:23,376 --> 00:02:24,509 [Ping-pong ball clacking] 41 00:02:28,981 --> 00:02:32,517 Jay, I'm a little nervous about going to your parents' house. 44 00:02:37,523 --> 00:02:39,257 [Grunting] 45 00:02:39,325 --> 00:02:43,328 Son, your new lady friend seems awfully quiet. 46 00:02:43,396 --> 00:02:45,863 I'll just poke her with this fork. 47 00:02:46,832 --> 00:02:47,832 [Bursting] 48 00:02:47,900 --> 00:02:48,833 [Whooshing] 49 00:02:51,837 --> 00:02:52,937 [Air hissing] 50 00:02:54,407 --> 00:02:55,706 ♪[Auld lang syne playing] 51 00:02:55,774 --> 00:02:58,043 [People chattering] 52 00:02:58,110 --> 00:03:01,779 Jay, Alice, I'm so glad you could make it. 53 00:03:01,847 --> 00:03:06,251 It's wonderful to see a couple that's still together after 40 years. 54 00:03:07,219 --> 00:03:08,319 Ow! 55 00:03:08,387 --> 00:03:10,155 Oh, she's a real one. 56 00:03:12,058 --> 00:03:14,292 Yeah, not one of his better days. 57 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:16,861 I'm afraid it is one of his better days. 58 00:03:16,929 --> 00:03:19,764 Oh, our marriage is at a new low. 59 00:03:19,831 --> 00:03:22,700 Franklin just isn't the man he used to be. 60 00:03:22,768 --> 00:03:25,270 Make way for El kabong! 61 00:03:26,605 --> 00:03:27,539 [Smashing] 62 00:03:27,606 --> 00:03:28,606 Kabong! 63 00:03:28,674 --> 00:03:30,575 Very good, sir. 64 00:03:30,642 --> 00:03:32,277 Your attention, please. 65 00:03:32,344 --> 00:03:35,280 I thought on the night of my parents' 40th anniversary, 66 00:03:35,347 --> 00:03:38,383 we should look back at the day when it all began. 67 00:03:38,451 --> 00:03:39,384 [Whirring] 68 00:03:41,287 --> 00:03:42,320 [Beeps] 69 00:03:42,388 --> 00:03:43,788 ♪[Music playing] 70 00:03:43,855 --> 00:03:46,324 (Male narrator) The year is 1955. 71 00:03:46,392 --> 00:03:49,461 On the waterfront wins the Oscar for best picture. 72 00:03:49,528 --> 00:03:53,531 Here's marlon Brando and Elizabeth Taylor at the post-Oscar party. 73 00:03:53,599 --> 00:03:57,102 They eat and eat and never gain an ounce. 74 00:03:57,169 --> 00:03:58,503 Get me the butter. 75 00:03:58,571 --> 00:04:00,105 [Belches loudly] 76 00:04:00,172 --> 00:04:03,007 Over in anaheim, Disneyland opens. 77 00:04:03,075 --> 00:04:05,343 And here's a mischievous character 78 00:04:05,411 --> 00:04:08,246 known for not always telling the truth. 79 00:04:08,314 --> 00:04:11,483 That's right. It's vice president Nixon. 80 00:04:11,550 --> 00:04:12,650 [Growling] 81 00:04:12,718 --> 00:04:15,587 Meanwhile, in Manhattan, everyone's turned out 82 00:04:15,654 --> 00:04:19,157 for the marriage of Eleanor wigglesworth and Franklin sherman. 83 00:04:19,225 --> 00:04:20,958 Franklin, a rhodes scholar 84 00:04:21,026 --> 00:04:23,261 who's never had a drink in his life, 85 00:04:23,329 --> 00:04:27,064 samples the punch whipped up by young Ted Kennedy. 86 00:04:27,733 --> 00:04:28,766 [Gulping] 87 00:04:28,834 --> 00:04:31,436 [Imitating curly of the three stooges] 88 00:04:31,504 --> 00:04:32,570 [Whooping] 89 00:04:35,508 --> 00:04:37,208 Shut up, you chowderhead. 90 00:04:38,110 --> 00:04:39,844 Nyah-ah-ah... 91 00:04:39,911 --> 00:04:42,013 [Laughing] 92 00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:44,582 What are you laughing at, Einstein? 93 00:04:45,184 --> 00:04:46,518 [Growls] 94 00:04:48,587 --> 00:04:50,655 Well, this is a fine how-do-you-do. 95 00:04:50,722 --> 00:04:52,490 [Screams] 96 00:04:52,558 --> 00:04:54,659 Take that, Mrs. Roosevelt. 97 00:04:54,726 --> 00:04:57,562 [Audience applauding] 98 00:04:57,630 --> 00:04:59,797 And now, Jay and I have gotten you 99 00:04:59,865 --> 00:05:01,832 the perfect anniversary present: 100 00:05:01,900 --> 00:05:04,835 A 3-week vacation for just the 2 of you. 101 00:05:05,837 --> 00:05:07,138 Mmm-mmm-mmm! 102 00:05:07,206 --> 00:05:08,706 Oh, lord. 103 00:05:08,774 --> 00:05:11,609 It's the same tropical island where I spent my honeymoon. 104 00:05:14,846 --> 00:05:15,980 (Man) I'm sorry, Jay. 105 00:05:16,048 --> 00:05:17,549 To appease the volcano God, 106 00:05:17,616 --> 00:05:19,584 we must sacrifice a virgin. 107 00:05:19,652 --> 00:05:20,685 [All grunting] 108 00:05:20,752 --> 00:05:21,952 [Rumbling] 109 00:05:22,020 --> 00:05:24,455 Did you have to tell everybody? 110 00:05:24,523 --> 00:05:25,923 [Volcano rumbling] 111 00:05:25,991 --> 00:05:27,024 [Jay screams] 112 00:05:27,092 --> 00:05:28,092 I'm hot. 113 00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:29,727 [Volcano roaring] 114 00:05:29,795 --> 00:05:30,695 [Screaming] 115 00:05:30,762 --> 00:05:32,597 [Grunts] 116 00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:37,335 After that they had 10 years of pestilence and plague. 117 00:05:37,403 --> 00:05:40,238 (Eleanor) Maybe this vacation is just what we need. 118 00:05:40,906 --> 00:05:42,707 [Horn honking] 119 00:05:42,709 --> 00:05:44,075 [Tires screeching] 120 00:05:44,142 --> 00:05:45,677 Franklin, slow down. 121 00:05:45,744 --> 00:05:46,678 [Horn honking] 122 00:05:46,745 --> 00:05:48,546 [Tires screech] 123 00:05:48,614 --> 00:05:51,216 Are you mad, dear? Can't you see the danger we're in? 124 00:05:56,655 --> 00:05:58,022 [Honking] 125 00:06:07,132 --> 00:06:10,935 (Crowd) On strike! On strike! On strike! 126 00:06:11,002 --> 00:06:12,637 On strike. 127 00:06:12,705 --> 00:06:15,806 I could put you in touch with a man who could help you. 128 00:06:15,874 --> 00:06:18,376 A man named El kabong. 129 00:06:18,444 --> 00:06:20,077 Oh, that won't be necessary. 130 00:06:20,145 --> 00:06:21,879 Oh, yes, it will. 131 00:06:21,947 --> 00:06:22,880 [Smashing] 132 00:06:22,948 --> 00:06:25,717 Kabong! 133 00:06:25,784 --> 00:06:29,320 There must be some airline that will honor our tickets. 134 00:06:34,059 --> 00:06:36,193 [Engines faltering] 135 00:06:40,031 --> 00:06:41,832 This flight is dreadfully bumpy. 136 00:06:41,900 --> 00:06:44,402 I'll go have a word with the captain. 137 00:06:45,203 --> 00:06:46,137 [Gasps] 138 00:06:47,105 --> 00:06:48,406 A penguin? 139 00:06:48,474 --> 00:06:49,507 [Rattling] 140 00:06:49,575 --> 00:06:51,576 And he's been drinking. 141 00:06:51,644 --> 00:06:54,779 Wait a minute. Penguins can't fly. 142 00:06:54,846 --> 00:06:57,582 Penguins can't fly! 143 00:06:57,650 --> 00:06:59,484 [Plane engine whining] 144 00:06:59,551 --> 00:07:01,786 Uh-huh. Uh-huh. 145 00:07:01,853 --> 00:07:03,154 Well, thank you very much. 146 00:07:03,221 --> 00:07:04,922 There's still no sign of the plane. 147 00:07:04,990 --> 00:07:07,458 They'll find 'em. I'm sure they will. 148 00:07:07,526 --> 00:07:09,460 It's only been a week. 149 00:07:09,528 --> 00:07:13,564 As your family attorney, I'm afraid I can't put this off any longer. 150 00:07:13,632 --> 00:07:17,001 Several years ago, your parents made this video will 151 00:07:17,068 --> 00:07:18,969 narrated by Orson welles. 152 00:07:19,838 --> 00:07:21,939 Hello. I'm Orson welles. 153 00:07:22,007 --> 00:07:24,074 What follows is a terrifying journey 154 00:07:24,142 --> 00:07:26,877 into the world of magic, mystery... 155 00:07:26,945 --> 00:07:29,547 (Man) Mr. welles, this is a video will. 156 00:07:29,615 --> 00:07:31,482 What? Look, I don't need to do this. 157 00:07:31,550 --> 00:07:34,952 I've got a fish stick commercial in an hour. 158 00:07:35,020 --> 00:07:36,987 Oh, what the hell. I need the money. 159 00:07:37,055 --> 00:07:40,991 What follows is a terrifying journey into the world of probate, 160 00:07:41,059 --> 00:07:43,328 beneficiaries and goblins. 161 00:07:43,395 --> 00:07:44,462 Mr. welles... 162 00:07:44,530 --> 00:07:46,497 Fine. Fine. No goblins. 163 00:07:46,565 --> 00:07:49,634 I give you the living will. 164 00:07:49,702 --> 00:07:51,235 [Laughing deviously] 165 00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:55,573 [Dripping] 166 00:07:56,575 --> 00:07:58,509 Hello, dears. 167 00:07:58,577 --> 00:08:02,112 If you're watching this, then Franklin and I have passed on. 168 00:08:02,180 --> 00:08:03,914 And I have a confession to make. 169 00:08:03,982 --> 00:08:07,284 When Jay was a baby, I dropped him on his head. 170 00:08:07,353 --> 00:08:09,554 I mean, for a whole day. 171 00:08:11,289 --> 00:08:14,459 To our daughter margo, we leave the antique music box 172 00:08:14,526 --> 00:08:16,527 she loves so. 173 00:08:16,595 --> 00:08:17,995 ♪[Music playing] 174 00:08:19,565 --> 00:08:21,298 [Crying] 175 00:08:21,367 --> 00:08:24,502 And when she turns 18, half our fortune. 176 00:08:24,570 --> 00:08:29,039 Until then we leave total control of our estate to our son Jay. 177 00:08:29,107 --> 00:08:32,477 These assets total roughly 1 billion dollars. 178 00:08:32,544 --> 00:08:34,612 A billion dollars? 179 00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:36,313 Remember us, dears. 180 00:08:36,382 --> 00:08:37,815 [Film ends] 181 00:08:37,883 --> 00:08:41,151 And remember, there is no fish stick like Mrs. pell's. 182 00:08:41,219 --> 00:08:42,754 (Man) This isn't a commercial. 183 00:08:42,821 --> 00:08:45,690 I know. That was just a declaration of love. 184 00:08:47,726 --> 00:08:49,293 Yes. 185 00:08:49,361 --> 00:08:51,028 Oh, yes. 186 00:08:51,096 --> 00:08:52,997 They're even better raw. 187 00:08:55,834 --> 00:08:59,270 I'd gladly give back every penny to know they were still alive. 188 00:09:05,944 --> 00:09:07,612 [Penguin grumbling] 189 00:09:07,679 --> 00:09:10,314 I don't care how many stewardesses you've bagged. 190 00:09:10,382 --> 00:09:11,982 You're a lousy pilot. 191 00:09:12,050 --> 00:09:13,651 [Grumbling] 192 00:09:14,819 --> 00:09:16,086 Our last film tonight 193 00:09:16,154 --> 00:09:18,255 is the bodyguard ii, 194 00:09:18,323 --> 00:09:21,158 staring Kevin costner and the 3 tenors. 195 00:09:22,928 --> 00:09:24,194 [Grunting] 196 00:09:26,197 --> 00:09:29,033 ♪ We 197 00:09:29,100 --> 00:09:33,103 ♪ will always love you 198 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:36,340 [grunting] 199 00:09:36,408 --> 00:09:39,209 Boy, this guy can't carry a tune. 200 00:09:39,277 --> 00:09:40,645 [All laughing] 201 00:09:45,551 --> 00:09:47,819 Hey, fellas, I think he's dead. 202 00:09:47,886 --> 00:09:49,420 [All laughing] 203 00:09:51,189 --> 00:09:53,658 Listen, I'll be honest, my parents are missing. 204 00:09:53,725 --> 00:09:55,860 I've got a billion dollars to deal with. 205 00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:57,829 I just don't feel like reviewing today. 206 00:10:03,201 --> 00:10:05,169 [Whistling] 207 00:10:05,236 --> 00:10:06,604 Oh, hello, dear. 208 00:10:06,672 --> 00:10:10,675 Why, Franklin, what a lovely house you've built. 209 00:10:10,742 --> 00:10:12,743 No thanks to him. 210 00:10:12,811 --> 00:10:14,512 [Grumbling] 211 00:10:16,548 --> 00:10:19,283 And look! In case a plane flies over... 212 00:10:26,391 --> 00:10:28,058 Done and done. 213 00:10:34,833 --> 00:10:36,634 Oh, it's hopeless. 214 00:10:36,702 --> 00:10:38,903 They could be anywhere in the South pacific. 215 00:10:38,971 --> 00:10:40,638 Well, I don't care. 216 00:10:40,706 --> 00:10:43,608 I'm going to keep sending out search planes until we find something. 217 00:10:43,675 --> 00:10:46,410 Meanwhile, I've got to take a tour of our family businesses. 218 00:10:46,478 --> 00:10:48,946 You mean, you don't know where your money comes from? 219 00:10:49,014 --> 00:10:50,915 Hey, as long as they put bread on the table, 220 00:10:50,983 --> 00:10:52,282 I didn't ask questions. 221 00:10:52,350 --> 00:10:53,918 (Stomach) Well, I've got some questions. 222 00:10:53,986 --> 00:10:55,553 How 'bout butter with that bread? 223 00:10:55,621 --> 00:10:57,321 And maybe a nice chunk of ham? 224 00:10:57,389 --> 00:10:58,956 Patience, my pet. 225 00:10:59,024 --> 00:11:01,025 Jay, honey? 226 00:11:01,092 --> 00:11:02,560 Who you talking to? 227 00:11:02,628 --> 00:11:04,395 Uh-oh, they're onto me. 228 00:11:04,462 --> 00:11:07,698 I better emit a cloud of noxious amnesia gas. 229 00:11:07,766 --> 00:11:09,867 It's not amnesia gas. 230 00:11:09,935 --> 00:11:12,937 But it sure is noxious. You've gotta give me that. 231 00:11:13,005 --> 00:11:14,972 ♪[Music box playing] 232 00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:16,607 [Wind howls] 233 00:11:18,944 --> 00:11:21,679 Margo... 234 00:11:21,747 --> 00:11:22,914 Mom! 235 00:11:22,981 --> 00:11:24,615 Does this mean you're dead? 236 00:11:24,683 --> 00:11:27,752 No, you're thinking of Barbara stanwyck. 237 00:11:27,819 --> 00:11:31,055 Margo, you must never stop searching. 238 00:11:31,122 --> 00:11:33,390 Let my love guide you. 239 00:11:33,458 --> 00:11:35,492 Let my lo... 240 00:11:35,561 --> 00:11:38,295 that's a rather sheer nightie for a girl your age. 241 00:11:38,363 --> 00:11:39,697 Mother. 242 00:11:39,765 --> 00:11:42,332 And stop slouching... And remember: 243 00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:47,271 Petting doesn't make you popular... 244 00:11:48,506 --> 00:11:50,975 It's a sign! They're alive! 245 00:11:51,043 --> 00:11:52,944 (Welles) Yes, they're alive, 246 00:11:53,011 --> 00:11:55,446 but I have gone to a better place. 247 00:11:55,513 --> 00:11:58,616 A place filled with Mrs. pell's fish sticks. 248 00:11:58,684 --> 00:11:59,850 [Smacks lips] 249 00:11:59,918 --> 00:12:02,386 Mmm, yes. Oh, yes... 250 00:12:02,454 --> 00:12:04,722 They're even better when you're dead. Mmm. 251 00:12:11,830 --> 00:12:13,931 Mr. sherman, your family's ad agency 252 00:12:13,999 --> 00:12:16,266 has clients all over America. 253 00:12:16,334 --> 00:12:19,369 This commercial appeals to gay, generation-xers. 254 00:12:21,506 --> 00:12:24,775 Ok, who was cuter: Uncle jed or Jethro? 255 00:12:24,843 --> 00:12:26,376 Jethro was a bimbo. 256 00:12:26,444 --> 00:12:27,878 (All) Uncle jed. 257 00:12:27,946 --> 00:12:29,647 Ok, ok. On bewitched: 258 00:12:29,715 --> 00:12:32,382 Darrin number 1 or Darrin number 2? 259 00:12:32,450 --> 00:12:34,018 I liked Uncle Arthur. 260 00:12:34,086 --> 00:12:35,620 [Laughing] 261 00:12:41,093 --> 00:12:42,326 [Whirring] 262 00:12:42,393 --> 00:12:44,461 You mean this cost us a penny to make, 263 00:12:44,529 --> 00:12:45,997 and we sell it for 10 dollars? 264 00:12:46,064 --> 00:12:47,531 I won't stand for this. 265 00:12:47,599 --> 00:12:49,033 Here, drink this. 266 00:12:50,669 --> 00:12:52,136 Profits, good. 267 00:12:52,203 --> 00:12:54,805 Price controls, bad. 268 00:12:54,873 --> 00:12:56,874 How long will he be like this? 269 00:12:56,942 --> 00:13:00,611 Not long. Oh, and he may get some unexpected hair growth. 270 00:13:00,679 --> 00:13:02,680 [Babbling] 271 00:13:08,053 --> 00:13:09,153 I can't believe it. 272 00:13:09,220 --> 00:13:11,856 Every company we own is greedy, deceptive, 273 00:13:11,923 --> 00:13:14,925 and poisoning the American public. 274 00:13:14,993 --> 00:13:16,994 Now, to encourage kids to smoke, 275 00:13:17,062 --> 00:13:18,863 we've recruited Humphrey the hippo. 276 00:13:18,930 --> 00:13:20,230 Hey, kids. 277 00:13:20,298 --> 00:13:21,932 Have you been smokin' like I asked you to? 278 00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:24,568 [In raspy voice] Yeah, I'm up to 4 packs a day. 279 00:13:24,636 --> 00:13:27,071 Today, Humphrey's going to teach you all what happens 280 00:13:27,139 --> 00:13:28,839 when you get a lung removed. 281 00:13:28,907 --> 00:13:29,940 [Gasping] 282 00:13:30,008 --> 00:13:31,508 You get ice cream! 283 00:13:31,576 --> 00:13:32,710 (All) Yay! 284 00:13:32,778 --> 00:13:35,713 [Coughing] 285 00:13:35,781 --> 00:13:37,148 Yay. 286 00:13:37,215 --> 00:13:39,216 That's it. I'm shuttin' this place down. 287 00:13:39,284 --> 00:13:41,018 But Mr. sherman, think of the children. 288 00:13:41,086 --> 00:13:43,921 If they don't have cigarettes, what'll they do after they have sex? 289 00:13:43,989 --> 00:13:45,923 You're a bad man. 290 00:13:45,991 --> 00:13:50,194 Hey, if it's a crime to encourage children to smoke and have sex, 291 00:13:50,261 --> 00:13:51,896 then lock me up. 292 00:13:53,098 --> 00:13:54,765 I need a hug. 293 00:13:56,835 --> 00:13:58,302 Starting now, I'm going to use 294 00:13:58,369 --> 00:14:01,305 our family fortune for noble causes. 295 00:14:01,372 --> 00:14:05,409 In that crate, I have trapped the 2 most irritating new yorkers: 296 00:14:05,476 --> 00:14:08,312 Regis philbin and kathie Lee gifford. 297 00:14:08,379 --> 00:14:10,647 (Kathie) Cody just did the cutest thing. 298 00:14:10,716 --> 00:14:12,482 (Regis) Shut up, you no-talent harpy, 299 00:14:12,550 --> 00:14:14,351 we're trapped in a box! 300 00:14:14,419 --> 00:14:17,154 I'm shipping them both to California. 301 00:14:21,593 --> 00:14:23,694 Looks like they sent something back. 302 00:14:23,762 --> 00:14:25,162 [Roaring] 303 00:14:26,798 --> 00:14:28,199 [Thumping] 304 00:14:28,266 --> 00:14:30,134 [Train rumbling] 305 00:14:30,202 --> 00:14:33,137 I greased the tracks to make the train run much quieter. 306 00:14:33,205 --> 00:14:35,706 Well, how's it going to stop? 307 00:14:35,774 --> 00:14:36,707 Stop? 308 00:14:38,810 --> 00:14:40,310 [People screaming] 309 00:14:41,813 --> 00:14:42,813 Oh, sure. 310 00:14:42,881 --> 00:14:45,916 Blame the guy with the bucket of grease. 311 00:14:45,984 --> 00:14:49,887 Mom, dad, I've tried my best to honor you with your money, 312 00:14:49,955 --> 00:14:52,556 but somehow I feel I haven't done enough. 313 00:14:52,624 --> 00:14:54,125 [Hissing] 314 00:14:55,426 --> 00:14:57,828 Oh, for God's sake. 315 00:14:59,798 --> 00:15:01,732 New York's filthy, darlin'. 316 00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:04,334 That's it. That's what I'll do with the family fortune! 317 00:15:04,402 --> 00:15:06,303 I'm going to tidy up this city! 318 00:15:06,371 --> 00:15:09,106 No more graffiti, no more garbage on the street. 319 00:15:09,174 --> 00:15:11,842 A significant reduction in that urine smell. 320 00:15:11,910 --> 00:15:15,846 I vow to use my family fortune to clean up New York! 321 00:15:15,914 --> 00:15:18,048 [Rumbling] 322 00:15:18,116 --> 00:15:21,418 Run for your life! Roseanne's on the loose! 323 00:15:21,486 --> 00:15:23,387 [Roaring] 324 00:15:27,475 --> 00:15:29,610 (Jay) Starting tomorrow, I'm cleaning up New York 325 00:15:29,678 --> 00:15:33,214 in honor of my parents, Franklin and Eleanor sherman. 326 00:15:33,281 --> 00:15:35,216 Mr. sherman, I'm from the New York post. 327 00:15:35,283 --> 00:15:38,519 Do you mind if we take a few liberties with your story? 328 00:15:38,587 --> 00:15:40,153 Uh... no. 329 00:15:46,127 --> 00:15:47,494 More tea, my dear? 330 00:15:47,562 --> 00:15:49,230 Yes, please. 331 00:15:49,297 --> 00:15:51,265 Oh, shackle-ape. 332 00:15:51,333 --> 00:15:53,234 [Gibbering] 333 00:15:53,301 --> 00:15:55,035 More tea for the lady. 334 00:15:56,471 --> 00:15:58,239 [Gibbering] 335 00:15:58,306 --> 00:16:01,007 Yes, you may use the hot tub. 336 00:16:01,075 --> 00:16:04,111 Franklin, this ordeal has done wonders for you. 337 00:16:04,178 --> 00:16:07,248 Your body's leaner, like Johnny weissmuller's. 338 00:16:07,315 --> 00:16:10,817 Your sex drive's increased, like Bob barker's. 339 00:16:10,885 --> 00:16:14,087 I think I'm falling in love with you all over again. 340 00:16:14,155 --> 00:16:18,259 Come, my dear. Let us relive our honeymoon night. 341 00:16:19,227 --> 00:16:20,794 Oh, Franklin. 342 00:16:20,862 --> 00:16:22,529 [Giggling] 343 00:16:24,966 --> 00:16:26,349 [Gibbering] 344 00:16:27,085 --> 00:16:28,385 [Water bubbling] 345 00:16:36,677 --> 00:16:37,845 [Giggles] 346 00:16:39,380 --> 00:16:40,914 [Pulley squeaks] 347 00:16:54,963 --> 00:16:56,296 [All clamoring] 348 00:17:01,169 --> 00:17:02,469 [All groaning] 349 00:17:04,806 --> 00:17:07,407 Where do we put the old gum, Uncle Jay? 350 00:17:07,475 --> 00:17:09,342 Just stick it on that big ball. 351 00:17:10,645 --> 00:17:12,746 Uh-oh. 352 00:17:12,814 --> 00:17:15,682 [Rumbling] 353 00:17:15,750 --> 00:17:19,953 I'd like to say Happy Birthday to Goldie hawn, who turns 100 today. 354 00:17:20,021 --> 00:17:21,021 [Rumbling] What the... 355 00:17:21,089 --> 00:17:22,156 [All screaming] 356 00:17:22,723 --> 00:17:23,657 [Crashing] 357 00:17:23,724 --> 00:17:24,624 [Screams] 358 00:17:27,695 --> 00:17:31,231 At last someone's had the gumption to roll up his sleeves 359 00:17:31,299 --> 00:17:33,233 and clean up the litter in this town. 360 00:17:33,301 --> 00:17:36,603 If you ask me, Jay sherman's a hero. Good night. 361 00:17:40,208 --> 00:17:42,009 That's right. I'm a hypocrite. 362 00:17:42,076 --> 00:17:43,944 Who wants a piece of me? Come on. 363 00:17:45,847 --> 00:17:47,347 [Computer keys clicking] 364 00:17:49,750 --> 00:17:52,152 Margo, you might be interested in this. 365 00:17:52,220 --> 00:17:54,788 The flight recorder from your parents' plane. 366 00:17:54,856 --> 00:17:57,090 Vlada, how did you get this? 367 00:17:57,158 --> 00:17:58,091 Well... 368 00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:01,328 We were selling bouillabaisse 369 00:18:01,395 --> 00:18:04,198 made with fresh fish from the South pacific when... 370 00:18:04,265 --> 00:18:06,800 Vlada, there's a black box in my soup. 371 00:18:06,868 --> 00:18:09,402 I will get you a new bowl immediately. 372 00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:14,574 Sorry, mama. 373 00:18:16,377 --> 00:18:18,678 There's an old lady's stocking in my soup. 374 00:18:18,746 --> 00:18:22,449 She's not so old. I mean, that's a noodle. 375 00:18:23,818 --> 00:18:26,820 Ew! Why'd you tell me that story? 376 00:18:26,888 --> 00:18:31,658 Because the true story would have been too horrible for you to contemplate. 377 00:18:31,726 --> 00:18:32,659 Enjoy. 378 00:18:35,830 --> 00:18:39,366 (Man) This is ground control. You're 200 Miles east of Fiji. 379 00:18:39,433 --> 00:18:43,103 (Franklin) The plane's going to crash and our pilot's a penguin! 380 00:18:43,171 --> 00:18:44,771 [Penguin grumbling] 381 00:18:44,839 --> 00:18:47,607 (Franklin) No, I will not play with you. 382 00:18:47,675 --> 00:18:48,641 Daddy! 383 00:18:48,709 --> 00:18:51,211 ♪[Rhapsody in blue playing] 384 00:18:56,150 --> 00:18:58,551 (Man) We're gathered here today to honor Jay sherman, 385 00:18:58,619 --> 00:19:01,388 the gutty little guy who cleaned up Manhattan. 386 00:19:01,455 --> 00:19:03,924 [Crowd cheering] 387 00:19:03,992 --> 00:19:06,393 I'm proud of you, honey. 388 00:19:06,460 --> 00:19:08,561 Now, Jay, to thank you for making our city 389 00:19:08,629 --> 00:19:12,199 beautiful again, we're throwing you a ticker tape parade. 390 00:19:12,267 --> 00:19:15,135 ♪[Stars and stripes forever playing] 391 00:19:19,007 --> 00:19:21,074 [All grunting] 392 00:19:21,142 --> 00:19:22,642 [All cheering] 393 00:19:22,710 --> 00:19:24,411 Hotchie-motchie! 394 00:19:26,247 --> 00:19:28,681 Oh, if only there were some small sign. 395 00:19:37,926 --> 00:19:39,092 [Margo gasps] 396 00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:40,627 It's them! 397 00:19:40,694 --> 00:19:43,179 (Franklin) Hands off my wife, you big ape. 398 00:19:43,247 --> 00:19:44,914 [Grumbles] 399 00:19:47,285 --> 00:19:48,585 [Airplane approaching] 400 00:19:53,925 --> 00:19:55,525 Mom, dad! 401 00:19:55,593 --> 00:19:57,077 We found you! 402 00:19:57,145 --> 00:20:00,014 Oh, princess, I knew you would. 403 00:20:00,081 --> 00:20:04,351 Children, this vacation has done wonders for our marriage. 404 00:20:04,418 --> 00:20:05,886 Thank you. 405 00:20:05,954 --> 00:20:06,937 You're welcome, mom. 406 00:20:07,005 --> 00:20:08,271 Now let's go home. 407 00:20:08,339 --> 00:20:10,007 Don't be in such a hurry, son. 408 00:20:10,074 --> 00:20:13,243 There's a lot on this little island you might enjoy. 409 00:20:13,278 --> 00:20:14,378 [Water bubbling] 410 00:20:18,466 --> 00:20:21,167 Dad, I think they're planning to eat us. 411 00:20:21,236 --> 00:20:23,103 Oh, don't be ridiculous. 412 00:20:23,170 --> 00:20:24,838 I'm their hero. 413 00:20:24,905 --> 00:20:25,839 Oh! 414 00:20:35,900 --> 00:20:37,067 [Munching] 415 00:20:38,436 --> 00:20:39,369 [Gulps] 416 00:20:40,238 --> 00:20:41,571 [Slurping] 417 00:20:45,143 --> 00:20:46,076 [Munching] 418 00:20:47,745 --> 00:20:48,678 [Gulping] 419 00:20:49,347 --> 00:20:50,280 [Slurping] 420 00:21:41,665 --> 00:21:43,700 (Jay) Celebrity voices are impersonated. 421 00:21:43,767 --> 00:21:47,137 No celebrities were harmed in the filming of this episode. 422 00:21:55,013 --> 00:21:56,146 Uh, excuse me, sir. 423 00:21:56,214 --> 00:21:57,347 The show's over. 424 00:21:57,415 --> 00:21:59,349 I'm stuck in the chair. 425 00:22:00,618 --> 00:22:01,651 [Audience murmuring] 426 00:22:01,719 --> 00:22:02,619 Shh!