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00:00:02,244 --> 00:00:04,324
- ♪ Look up there ♪
- ♪ What do you see? ♪
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00:00:04,396 --> 00:00:05,838
♪ Nature and stuff ♪
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00:00:05,989 --> 00:00:07,225
- ♪ Like a rock ♪
- ♪ And a tree ♪
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00:00:07,249 --> 00:00:10,009
♪ Oh, the Great North ♪
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♪ Way up here,
you can breathe the air ♪
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♪ Catch some fish ♪
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♪ Or gaze at a bear ♪
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♪ Wow ♪
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♪ Oh, the Great North ♪
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♪ Here we live, oh, oh ♪
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♪ Here we'll stay, oh, whoo ♪
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♪ From longest night
to longest day ♪
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♪ In the Great North. ♪
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Bigfoot Brigade roll call.
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Moon? Present.
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Bigfoot?
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If you're in the trap,
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you're supposed to say
"present."
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00:00:41,433 --> 00:00:45,544
Hey. This is a Bigfoot trap,
not a squirrel buffet, ya mooch.
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(groans)
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Now I've got to get more bait.
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(gasps)
Something dug up my bait box.
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A squirrel
couldn't have done that.
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Large tracks.
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00:00:54,630 --> 00:00:55,710
Aggressive bait theft.
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(gasps) Curious fur.
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It's finally happening!
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Bigfoot was here!
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Bigfoot. It's happening.
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(grunts) I fell over.
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Okay, getting back up now.
Here we go.
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Bigfoot, Bigfoot, Bigfoot!
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There's a chocolate mummy
hidden inside,
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and it releases a flood
of dangerously delicious
35
00:01:10,646 --> 00:01:12,966
caramel pudding if you
don't slice it exactly right.
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I call it
the Pharaoh's Curse-tard Cake.
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There's only one way to describe
a curse like that:
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flan-derful. (chuckles)
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I came up with it
in my thinking hole.
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That's the hole I dug
to think in.
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Sadly, I kind of misplaced
my hole.
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- How do you misplace a hole?
- How do we do anything?
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Oh, it keeps me up at night,
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- this human experiment.
- (phone chimes)
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Huh. My brother just texted me,
asking for the address here.
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Oh, he must be sending me
a package.
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Jerry loves sending gifts out
of the blue and spreading joy.
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When I was sad
about Lost ending,
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he gave me four hermit crabs.
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I named them Sawyer, Kate,
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- Hurley and The Hatch.
- (door opens, closes)
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MOON: Bigfoot encountered!
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Bigfoot... (gasps) encountered.
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Whoa! For real?
Uh, male or female?
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The females have
very large breasts.
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I've read a lot of,
uh, scientific websites.
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- Those aren't
science sites, babe.
- Uh, no, they are.
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Yeah. One of them's
even run by a doctor.
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Dr. Stroke Masterson, DDS.
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- What did you see, Moon?
- Very large footprints.
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And I found this fur!
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It was stuck on a branch,
which was near my bait box,
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which was broken into.
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I knew
Bigfoot would like crackers.
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00:02:10,038 --> 00:02:12,539
Oh, Bigfoot's palate is
remarkably diverse.
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He'll eat the hair off your head
if it has enough sauce on it.
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Uh, why would your hair have
any sauce on it, Ham?
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00:02:16,862 --> 00:02:19,529
Everyone's hair naturally has
a little sauce on it.
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Can someone please add
my sighting
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00:02:20,975 --> 00:02:22,861
to the family
Bigfoot Sighting board?
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I got to get
my plaster of Paris.
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I need that footprint
for evidence!
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00:02:26,038 --> 00:02:28,555
I didn't know you guys were
a bunch of Bigfoot believers.
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Oh, sure. I used to spend hours
in the woods
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waiting for Bigfoot
when I was little.
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So it makes me very happy that
Moon's still a true believer.
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And I enjoy the "what if,"
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the possibility that there
might be something out there
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that we can't explain.
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Like that thing that happens
when I eat asparagus?
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Son, that's very common.
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Farting through my penis?
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- Oh. No.
- Bye!
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You get
that Sasquatch footprint, Moon!
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I prefer to call it "Bigfoot."
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It sounds less like
"ass crotch."
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But thanks!
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- So, check this out.
- Is that brie cheese?
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My mom's boyfriend Jamie
always brings her brie cheese.
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Sometimes I find it in front
of the fireplace in the morning.
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It's Bigfoot's footprint.
I found it in the woods.
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I'm a little skeptical.
I mean, where are the toes?
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On his feet, Henry.
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When I trap him,
you can come see them in person.
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(patronizing): Sure, Moon.
We'll see your Bigfoot.
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00:03:15,345 --> 00:03:16,915
Wait, are you guys
having doubts about...
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Uh-oh, Henry,
here comes your crush.
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She's everyone's crush.
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She's the most talented
and beautiful girl at school.
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- And the meanest.
- So mean.
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So, so mean.
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Hi, Debbie.
I see you got your skates on.
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Wow. Great sleuthing,
Detective Ice Skate Idiot.
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They're new.
That's how you break them in
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if you're the All-Region
Junior Ice Girls Champion.
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What's that, a big wet cookie?
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It's a plaster cast
of Bigfoot's foot.
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- Where'd you get it?
- I made it.
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I found his tracks
near my house.
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Okay. Well, there's
no such thing as Bigfoot.
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So, wh-where'd you get
your ice skates?
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The, uh, ice skate... shop?
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Russell, if you ask me about
my ice skates one more time,
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I'm gonna tell everyone how
you tucked in your Beanie Babies
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during the multi-family
camping trip.
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Believing in Bigfoot
is for little kids, Moon.
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You know what?
When I trap Bigfoot
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and become
the most famous person in town,
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I'll accept your apology.
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I'll apologize now.
Sorry your head is so round
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that I'm worried
I'm going to end up bowling you.
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Ugh, she's an angel.
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- Hey, buddy.
- Hi.
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Ooh, is that your handiwork?
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Yes. I made it this morning
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to show everyone
that Bigfoot is real,
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but no one at school
believes me.
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You know, Moon,
I've noticed that, sometimes,
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people get a kick
out of being skeptical.
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Case in point:
the time I brought a photo
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of Drew Barrymore to school
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that I had taken with
my very own camera at the mall.
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And not a single soul believed
that it was her.
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Yes, she was wearing a hat.
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But what am I gonna do,
ask her to take her hat off?
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"Excuse me, Ms. Drew Barrymore,
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would you please remove
your hat?"
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Would you ask the sun
to remove her hat?
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Would you ask
the rain to remove her hat?
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JUDY:
But then
when the movie Big Miracle,
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uh, the one about the whales
that, oh, hey,
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was filmed here in Alaska,
came out,
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there was a picture
of Drew Barrymore in Us Weekly
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wearing the very same hat.
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Basically, what I'm trying
to say is trust your gut
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and don't worry
about the haters.
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Yep. Let your haters
be your alligators.
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I think the saying is "Let
your haters be your motivators."
149
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Right, because if alligators
were chasing you,
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you'd be pretty motivated.
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Bigfoot, meet big trap.
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♪ Everyone doubted me,
but I stuck to my goal ♪
153
00:05:15,965 --> 00:05:19,370
♪ And now I've got Bigfoot
trapped in a hole ♪
154
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♪ Take my hand, hairy friend,
and I'll pull you out ♪
155
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♪ Then we'll go show the haters
and erase all the doubt ♪
156
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♪ I can't talk,
but I love to sing ♪
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♪ When it comes
to Bigfoot traps ♪
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♪ Moon is the king ♪
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♪ At the risk
of sounding boastful ♪
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♪ I must admit he's right ♪
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♪ I've been perfecting traps ♪
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♪ In my dreams every night ♪
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♪ We go everywhere together ♪
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♪ I even come to school ♪
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♪ All those nonbelievers
now think I'm really cool ♪
166
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♪ What up, y'all? ♪
167
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♪ Moon's really cool
and I like him a lot ♪
168
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♪ I can't believe I doubted him,
he's superhot ♪
169
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♪ I set out to trap Bigfoot
but I learned in the end ♪
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♪ That I trapped
more than Bigfoot ♪
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♪ I trapped a best friend ♪
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♪ You're about to wake up now,
as we soar in the air ♪
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♪ So go check your trap ♪
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♪ There might be
something there. ♪
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(bells tinkling, bell clanging)
176
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My trap. He's here.
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Everybody up!
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This is not a drill!
179
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I got him!
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The foot is in the sock!
181
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I put on lipstick.
Is that weird?
182
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- Bigfoot's gonna love it.
- JUDY: Oh.
183
00:06:23,366 --> 00:06:24,752
I shouldn't have
shaved my legs this week.
184
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I really want to show
that I'm hair-positive.
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00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:27,939
(groaning sounds)
186
00:06:27,963 --> 00:06:30,055
Something is
definitely in there.
187
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Sorry about the trap, bud!
188
00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:33,617
We'll have you out in no time!
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00:06:33,710 --> 00:06:35,430
- (groan)
- (Judy gasps)
190
00:06:35,454 --> 00:06:36,136
Oh, no.
191
00:06:36,288 --> 00:06:38,088
- It sounds hurt.
- Or angry.
192
00:06:38,214 --> 00:06:40,357
Guys, it's horny.
193
00:06:44,463 --> 00:06:45,698
Let me try a few phrases
of Bigfoot Speak.
194
00:06:45,722 --> 00:06:47,647
Boo-shy-ah! Moe-kee-dew?!
195
00:06:47,799 --> 00:06:49,052
MAN: A little help, please?
196
00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:50,467
Wait, I know that voice.
197
00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:51,243
Careful, Honeybee!
198
00:06:51,470 --> 00:06:53,297
Jerrybee! Guys, it's my brother!
199
00:06:53,321 --> 00:06:54,137
Oh. Huh.
200
00:06:54,230 --> 00:06:55,747
Hey, sis. Surprise!
201
00:06:55,974 --> 00:06:56,748
I fell in a hole.
202
00:06:56,900 --> 00:06:58,210
(chuckles): Hey! I'm Wolf!
203
00:06:58,234 --> 00:06:59,971
Give your future
brother-in-law a hug.
204
00:06:59,995 --> 00:07:02,537
Oh, I would love to, Wolf,
but I'm in a hole.
205
00:07:02,648 --> 00:07:04,626
- Let me help you out of there.
- (grunts)
206
00:07:04,650 --> 00:07:06,477
Thank you. For a moment there,
I really thought
207
00:07:06,501 --> 00:07:08,479
this hole was all
I was gonna see of Alaska.
208
00:07:08,503 --> 00:07:11,263
So I guess my Bigfoot sighting
was your brother
209
00:07:11,490 --> 00:07:13,243
and the fur I found
was just a coat.
210
00:07:13,267 --> 00:07:14,819
What are you doing here,
baby brother?
211
00:07:14,843 --> 00:07:17,580
Well, I wanted to come see you
and meet my future in-laws.
212
00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:19,938
And... (sniffles)
I couldn't resist trying to do
213
00:07:20,089 --> 00:07:21,289
the ultimate Pizza Surprise.
214
00:07:21,424 --> 00:07:23,608
Oh, my gosh.
I forgot about Pizza Surprise!
215
00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:25,571
Jerry has this prank
called Pizza Surprise,
216
00:07:25,595 --> 00:07:27,665
where he just shows up
with a pizza out of the blue.
217
00:07:27,689 --> 00:07:29,500
Yeah, I thought for sure
I'd get you this time.
218
00:07:29,524 --> 00:07:31,428
I mean, Alaska?
Middle of the night?
219
00:07:31,452 --> 00:07:33,412
Ultimate Pizza Surprise.
(giggles)
220
00:07:33,436 --> 00:07:34,672
I'm Beef Tobin.
221
00:07:34,696 --> 00:07:36,599
Let me introduce you
to the rest of the family.
222
00:07:36,623 --> 00:07:38,031
That's Ham and Judy.
223
00:07:38,183 --> 00:07:39,532
And the little guy's Moon.
224
00:07:39,685 --> 00:07:40,828
This is his Bigfoot trap.
225
00:07:40,852 --> 00:07:42,272
How long it take you
to dig that?
226
00:07:42,296 --> 00:07:44,187
- It-It's deep!
- Ham dug it.
227
00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:45,608
Then he forgot where it was.
228
00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:47,466
Hey. It's my thinking hole!
229
00:07:47,659 --> 00:07:50,210
What a relief.
I can start thinking again.
230
00:07:50,362 --> 00:07:51,522
HONEYBEE: Well, here it is.
231
00:07:51,546 --> 00:07:53,191
It may be small, but...
(stammers)
232
00:07:53,215 --> 00:07:54,364
Well, it's small.
233
00:07:54,457 --> 00:07:55,860
I-I'll run and get
the guest bed.
234
00:07:55,884 --> 00:07:57,512
You're gonna love it.
Dad made it out of an old canoe.
235
00:07:57,536 --> 00:07:58,938
(chuckles)
I'm actually kind of jealous.
236
00:07:58,962 --> 00:08:01,002
Uh, maybe I should take
the canoe bed
237
00:08:01,039 --> 00:08:02,775
and you can sleep
with Honeybee. (chuckles)
238
00:08:02,799 --> 00:08:04,224
Wait, no, no. Never mind.
239
00:08:04,376 --> 00:08:05,611
So how long
you gonna be here, Jerry?
240
00:08:05,635 --> 00:08:06,893
Well, actually,
241
00:08:07,062 --> 00:08:09,422
I've been googling Alaska a lot
since you moved here.
242
00:08:09,472 --> 00:08:10,972
And every time I do, I think,
243
00:08:11,066 --> 00:08:13,303
"Well, that sure looks
like a pretty place."
244
00:08:13,327 --> 00:08:15,120
And, well,
I know you like it here.
245
00:08:15,144 --> 00:08:16,995
So... this isn't just a visit.
246
00:08:17,146 --> 00:08:18,533
- I'm moving to Alaska!
- (door opens)
247
00:08:18,557 --> 00:08:20,218
- (door closes)
- Oh, wow. I'm really happy
248
00:08:20,242 --> 00:08:21,362
to have you here, but...
249
00:08:21,484 --> 00:08:23,146
Is it just me or do I look like
250
00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:25,223
an absolute gladiator
carrying this?
251
00:08:25,247 --> 00:08:27,150
Guess who's moving to Alaska!
252
00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:28,743
What?! Amazing!
253
00:08:28,767 --> 00:08:31,234
(chuckling): We're gonna need
a bigger boat! You get it?
254
00:08:31,327 --> 00:08:33,753
Because the bed is a boat.
(chuckles)
255
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,329
(snoring)
256
00:08:35,423 --> 00:08:37,068
- (quietly): Wolf.
- Uh, was I farting?
257
00:08:37,092 --> 00:08:39,053
W-Was it one of my farts
that smells like toffee?
258
00:08:39,077 --> 00:08:40,830
None of your farts
smell like toffee.
259
00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:42,557
- Uh, disagree.
- Listen, I'm worried
260
00:08:42,581 --> 00:08:44,000
Jerry hasn't
thought this through.
261
00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,431
This is totally Jerry's M.O.
262
00:08:45,526 --> 00:08:47,228
Every time I do something
that makes me happy,
263
00:08:47,252 --> 00:08:50,270
he copies it because he thinks
it'll make him happy, too.
264
00:08:50,422 --> 00:08:52,008
It wasn't that big of a deal
when we were kids.
265
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:53,676
Sure, he didn't like
rhythmic gymnastics,
266
00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:55,419
but now that we're older,
it's different.
267
00:08:55,443 --> 00:08:57,572
I mean, he followed me
to Fresno Community College
268
00:08:57,596 --> 00:08:59,407
and majored in business
and then hated it
269
00:08:59,431 --> 00:09:01,075
and dropped out
after a year and a half.
270
00:09:01,099 --> 00:09:02,519
I'm afraid
this will be the same thing.
271
00:09:02,543 --> 00:09:04,187
Yikes. Have you
brought this up with him?
272
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:05,377
I don't know how to.
273
00:09:05,486 --> 00:09:06,931
Also, I'd really love
for him to stay.
274
00:09:06,955 --> 00:09:08,674
I mean, even though
I love your family,
275
00:09:08,698 --> 00:09:11,085
it'd be great to have someone
from my family around. (sighs)
276
00:09:11,109 --> 00:09:12,344
But it would be selfish of me
277
00:09:12,368 --> 00:09:14,013
to let him go down
the wrong path again.
278
00:09:14,037 --> 00:09:15,365
Well, what if
we test it out? Huh?
279
00:09:15,389 --> 00:09:17,182
We could show Jerry
a typical day in Alaska
280
00:09:17,206 --> 00:09:18,631
and see how he likes it.
281
00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:20,595
Yeah! If he enjoys
a rigorous Alaskan workday,
282
00:09:20,619 --> 00:09:22,354
then maybe this is
the place for him.
283
00:09:22,378 --> 00:09:24,374
Totally. Hey, we really need
to get our heads out of here now
284
00:09:24,398 --> 00:09:26,267
because I am
definitely about to fart
285
00:09:26,291 --> 00:09:27,377
and it's not gonna smell
like toffee.
286
00:09:27,401 --> 00:09:28,936
- Ditto, babe.
- (passing gas)
287
00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:30,000
Was that me or you?
288
00:09:30,094 --> 00:09:31,903
It was us, my love.
289
00:09:32,130 --> 00:09:33,383
Good morning, Moon.
290
00:09:33,407 --> 00:09:35,367
I'm guessing I don't owe you
an apology. (chuckles)
291
00:09:35,391 --> 00:09:36,631
I still think Bigfoot is real,
292
00:09:36,802 --> 00:09:38,704
and I'm probably going
to catch him tonight.
293
00:09:38,728 --> 00:09:40,372
Or you're just gonna catch
your own butt,
294
00:09:40,396 --> 00:09:43,748
because Bigfoot isn't real and
only little kids think he is.
295
00:09:43,900 --> 00:09:46,300
(scoffs) I'm not the only one
that believes in Bigfoot.
296
00:09:46,402 --> 00:09:48,639
These guys do, too. Right, guys?
297
00:09:48,663 --> 00:09:50,308
I mean... not really.
298
00:09:50,332 --> 00:09:52,740
But what about
our Bigfoot Adventurers Club?
299
00:09:52,834 --> 00:09:55,194
(scoffs) Moon, we were nine
when we started that club.
300
00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:56,761
Most of us are ten now.
301
00:09:56,988 --> 00:09:58,096
(laughing)
302
00:09:58,247 --> 00:10:00,006
Smell you later, Bigfoot Hunter.
303
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:03,321
Okay, well, as long as we're
being honest with each other,
304
00:10:03,345 --> 00:10:04,914
Henry, WWE is absolutely fake,
305
00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:08,273
and, Russell, we know Fred
Savage isn't your first cousin!
306
00:10:08,500 --> 00:10:11,329
He is! He sent me his headshot.
307
00:10:11,353 --> 00:10:13,594
HONEYBEE (singsongy): Jerrybee.
308
00:10:13,688 --> 00:10:14,688
What's happening?
309
00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:16,484
Ooh, did they announce
the new Bachelor?
310
00:10:16,508 --> 00:10:19,150
Come on. We're going to show you
a day in Alaska.
311
00:10:19,302 --> 00:10:21,611
♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Chop ♪
312
00:10:22,514 --> 00:10:25,343
♪ Ski, ski, ski, ski, ski ♪
313
00:10:25,367 --> 00:10:28,168
♪ F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-Fish ♪
314
00:10:29,037 --> 00:10:30,037
♪ Barf ♪
315
00:10:30,188 --> 00:10:31,704
♪ Oh! Snowmobile ♪
316
00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:33,373
♪ Snowmobile ♪
317
00:10:33,467 --> 00:10:34,615
♪ Whoops! ♪
318
00:10:35,043 --> 00:10:36,709
That's an awful long face, son.
319
00:10:36,862 --> 00:10:38,361
You sure you're not part horse?
320
00:10:38,454 --> 00:10:40,116
Sorry, I promise
you're not part horse.
321
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:42,456
That's a terrible seed
to plant in a child's mind.
322
00:10:42,550 --> 00:10:45,459
Dad, I really thought
I had Bigfoot this time.
323
00:10:45,553 --> 00:10:48,554
I mean, the crackers,
the footprints, the fur.
324
00:10:48,707 --> 00:10:50,776
But then it occurred to me
that I've thought
325
00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:52,984
I had Bigfoot many times before.
326
00:10:53,136 --> 00:10:56,374
I'm starting to think that
Bigfoot truly doesn't exist.
327
00:10:56,398 --> 00:10:57,730
I see.
328
00:10:57,899 --> 00:11:01,217
Also, Debbie Gladu says that
Bigfoot is for little kids.
329
00:11:01,310 --> 00:11:03,364
Little kids?
Well, sure it's for little kids.
330
00:11:03,388 --> 00:11:04,641
Bigfoot is for all ages,
331
00:11:04,665 --> 00:11:06,625
from the elderly
all the way down to babies.
332
00:11:06,649 --> 00:11:08,908
Uh-oh.
You two talking birds and bees?
333
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:10,480
Here's a tip.
There aren't as many
334
00:11:10,504 --> 00:11:12,540
actual birds involved
as one might think.
335
00:11:12,564 --> 00:11:14,542
No. Moon received
my straightforward,
336
00:11:14,566 --> 00:11:16,819
handwritten birds and bees
pamphlet when he turned eight,
337
00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:18,321
just like all Tobin children.
338
00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:19,827
Your brother was just telling me
339
00:11:19,921 --> 00:11:21,883
he's having some doubts
about Bigfoot.
340
00:11:21,907 --> 00:11:23,493
You mean like whether or not
the snow-colored Sasquatch
341
00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:25,403
and his brown-haired
Bigfoot brethren
342
00:11:25,427 --> 00:11:27,071
are the exact same species?
343
00:11:27,095 --> 00:11:28,502
Personally, I think they are.
344
00:11:28,596 --> 00:11:31,167
I'm going to my room
to stare out the window.
345
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:32,965
Okay, son. Have fun.
346
00:11:33,117 --> 00:11:35,268
Wow. He's even more serious
than usual.
347
00:11:35,420 --> 00:11:37,507
He's wrestling
with that existential question
348
00:11:37,531 --> 00:11:40,089
that plagues every
adolescent Alaskan kid:
349
00:11:40,183 --> 00:11:41,441
Does Bigfoot really exist?
350
00:11:41,593 --> 00:11:43,846
Oh, yeah.
I mean, I know realistically
351
00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:46,424
Bigfoot probably
doesn't exist, but...
352
00:11:46,448 --> 00:11:49,374
What if? It's very hard
to discount the "what if."
353
00:11:49,525 --> 00:11:52,689
Dad, what if we took Moon
to the VFW Lodge this evening
354
00:11:52,713 --> 00:11:55,213
and introduced him
to some of the Old Faithfuls?
355
00:11:55,364 --> 00:11:57,424
We'll try it,
and if all else fails,
356
00:11:57,533 --> 00:12:00,460
they do have Sprite
and Windows 95 at the lodge.
357
00:12:00,554 --> 00:12:02,946
We can watch
the star travel screensaver.
358
00:12:03,039 --> 00:12:04,781
It's very inspiring.
359
00:12:05,467 --> 00:12:08,634
-How you doing, Jer?
Great job today.
-Yeah, bud.
360
00:12:08,787 --> 00:12:10,373
- (snoring)
- Oh, man.
361
00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:12,157
- What time is it?
- 6:30.
362
00:12:12,290 --> 00:12:13,790
Alaska one, Jerry zero.
363
00:12:13,883 --> 00:12:17,627
Yeah, looks like Mother Alaska
really trampled his tater tots.
364
00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:20,071
- I'd love him to live here.
- Yeah, me, too.
365
00:12:20,223 --> 00:12:21,384
But I'm afraid
he's not cut out for it.
366
00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:22,982
Well, you're doing him a favor
367
00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:24,612
letting him figure this out
on his own.
368
00:12:24,636 --> 00:12:27,320
Let's untangle him
and get him off to dreamland.
369
00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:28,632
BEEF: Look around, son.
370
00:12:28,656 --> 00:12:30,198
This is a group of folks
371
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:31,877
who are true believers
in Bigfoot.
372
00:12:31,901 --> 00:12:35,161
See how the Sasquatch is blurry
but the tree remains clear?
373
00:12:35,313 --> 00:12:37,049
That means
he is traveling anywhere
374
00:12:37,073 --> 00:12:38,982
between 20 to 100 miles an hour.
375
00:12:39,075 --> 00:12:40,570
And that's just
based on estimates.
376
00:12:40,594 --> 00:12:44,073
Whose estimates?
Mr. Make Believe P. Lies A Lot?
377
00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:47,076
And now Glynis will demonstrate
the peculiar gait
378
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:49,826
of the Sasquatch
she spotted near Roberta Lake
379
00:12:49,919 --> 00:12:51,822
using a marionette
she built by hand.
380
00:12:51,846 --> 00:12:54,347
Handmade puppets?! Oh!
Come on, let's get closer.
381
00:12:54,499 --> 00:12:57,495
- Hmm.
- That's a Sasquatch.
382
00:12:57,519 --> 00:12:58,519
Interesting.
383
00:12:58,594 --> 00:13:00,612
Excuse me.
I couldn't help noticing.
384
00:13:00,839 --> 00:13:02,763
Sturdy frame, glint in the eye.
385
00:13:02,857 --> 00:13:03,764
What is happening?
386
00:13:03,858 --> 00:13:05,653
Ah, my apologies.
I'm Hayward Melm,
387
00:13:05,677 --> 00:13:07,746
interim vice-secretary
of the Old Faithfuls.
388
00:13:07,770 --> 00:13:09,340
We're looking for someone
to don our Bigfoot costume
389
00:13:09,364 --> 00:13:11,531
for the upcoming SquatchCon.
390
00:13:11,683 --> 00:13:13,585
It was donated to us
by a minor league hockey team,
391
00:13:13,609 --> 00:13:16,202
so it's not quite as
realistic-looking as we'd like.
392
00:13:16,354 --> 00:13:18,608
We need someone with great gusto
to really sell it.
393
00:13:18,632 --> 00:13:20,684
Are you interested?
394
00:13:20,708 --> 00:13:23,279
I would absolutely be
not interested in doing that.
395
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:25,339
Some folks get carsick.
I get costume sick.
396
00:13:25,363 --> 00:13:28,214
I wore one once and threw up
so much in a Yogi Bear head
397
00:13:28,366 --> 00:13:30,049
that I almost drowned.
398
00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:32,543
Here's my card since it sounds
like you're on the fence.
399
00:13:32,628 --> 00:13:34,198
Um, Dad,
there's a thing happening.
400
00:13:34,222 --> 00:13:35,625
But we've all seen it!
401
00:13:35,649 --> 00:13:36,981
You don't need a photo
402
00:13:37,133 --> 00:13:39,462
when you have multiple
eyewitness testimonies!
403
00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:41,446
On the contrary,
eyewitness testimony
404
00:13:41,470 --> 00:13:43,510
has been
scientifically proven unsound.
405
00:13:43,565 --> 00:13:46,210
But you can't argue
with the eyes!
406
00:13:46,234 --> 00:13:47,970
(scoffs)
Human memory and perception
407
00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:49,327
are consistently unreliable.
408
00:13:49,478 --> 00:13:51,474
Please, Beef, you really must
remove Moon from here.
409
00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:53,779
He's debunking every
Bigfoot theory we throw at him
410
00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:55,703
with his calm,
fact-based arguments.
411
00:13:55,727 --> 00:13:57,001
My apologies, Santiago.
412
00:13:57,153 --> 00:13:58,503
Come on, Moon. Time to go.
413
00:13:58,730 --> 00:14:01,339
If you look closely, you can
tell this carving is modeled
414
00:14:01,490 --> 00:14:03,749
on Brendan Fraser
during his arc on Scrubs.
415
00:14:03,902 --> 00:14:05,655
How dare you!
416
00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:08,254
My late husband carved that
after a campsite encounter!
417
00:14:08,406 --> 00:14:10,309
Let's go get
some ice cream, kids.
418
00:14:10,333 --> 00:14:13,926
I hereby declare
Bigfoot nonexistent! A hoax!
419
00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:16,100
- Moon, no!
- I used to be like all of you.
420
00:14:16,172 --> 00:14:18,356
But not anymore.
I know the truth!
421
00:14:18,507 --> 00:14:21,342
- Wake up, sheeple!
- Judy, Ham, time to go.
422
00:14:21,436 --> 00:14:22,861
Good sir, it's been a pleasure.
423
00:14:23,012 --> 00:14:24,340
And by the way,
424
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:26,698
"Sasquatch" rhymes
with "ass crotch."
425
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:32,664
Hey, Moon,
quick pop quiz for ya.
426
00:14:32,688 --> 00:14:34,592
Do you believe in Bigfoot?
It's multiple choice.
427
00:14:34,616 --> 00:14:36,018
"Goo-goo" or "gah-gah" or
428
00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:38,003
(baby voice):
"I'm a little baby Bigfoot boy."
429
00:14:38,027 --> 00:14:39,210
Which one?
430
00:14:39,362 --> 00:14:41,023
I let go of all that
Bigfoot stuff, Debbie.
431
00:14:41,047 --> 00:14:42,750
So you'll just have to pick
something else
432
00:14:42,774 --> 00:14:43,882
to make fun of me for.
433
00:14:44,033 --> 00:14:45,695
Have we covered
your weird teeth yet?
434
00:14:45,719 --> 00:14:48,089
Your mouth looks like it's all
molars. Should I keep going?
435
00:14:48,113 --> 00:14:49,348
- Yes.
- Russell!
436
00:14:49,372 --> 00:14:51,092
Sorry, Moon.
I just like to hear her talk.
437
00:14:51,116 --> 00:14:53,540
- With those ears?
- What's wrong with my ears?
438
00:14:53,602 --> 00:14:56,969
Nothing. Some people love one
gigantic ear and one tiny one.
439
00:14:57,122 --> 00:14:58,804
Moon, are you okay?
440
00:14:58,899 --> 00:15:01,307
Yes, I'm just thinking about
things that aren't made up.
441
00:15:01,459 --> 00:15:05,570
Like bread and bulldozers
and sharks.
442
00:15:11,394 --> 00:15:13,578
♪ ♪
443
00:15:19,661 --> 00:15:24,475
♪ Bigfoots and aliens,
sea monsters and ghosts ♪
444
00:15:24,499 --> 00:15:28,000
♪ These were
my childhood friends ♪
445
00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:32,746
♪ Imaginary and gross,
I believed in them ♪
446
00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:36,583
♪ But one day I woke up
and I couldn't see ♪
447
00:15:36,678 --> 00:15:40,179
♪ The monsters and mysteries
so close to me ♪
448
00:15:40,331 --> 00:15:44,328
♪ The blob under my bed
that I called Ramone ♪
449
00:15:44,352 --> 00:15:47,353
♪ I lost him when I fell into ♪
450
00:15:47,505 --> 00:15:50,490
BOTH: ♪ The Grown Up Zone ♪
451
00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:56,603
♪ Getting divorced,
take a night school course ♪
452
00:15:56,698 --> 00:16:00,625
♪ Where are those
childhood friends? ♪
453
00:16:00,776 --> 00:16:04,445
♪ Children grow up,
then they turn into teens ♪
454
00:16:04,539 --> 00:16:08,282
♪ Then grow into adults,
no time in between ♪
455
00:16:08,376 --> 00:16:12,114
♪ We're here in your heart,
you're never alone ♪
456
00:16:12,138 --> 00:16:19,051
♪ That childhood magic
is lost into ♪
457
00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:22,888
♪ The Grown Up Zone. ♪
458
00:16:23,041 --> 00:16:25,632
(plays warbling note)
459
00:16:26,469 --> 00:16:28,319
- (thudding)
- JERRY: Help!
460
00:16:28,471 --> 00:16:30,321
Help!
461
00:16:30,548 --> 00:16:31,731
Oh, my God. Jerry!
462
00:16:31,883 --> 00:16:33,307
I'm okay. I just can't move.
463
00:16:33,401 --> 00:16:35,234
Because of all the wood on me.
464
00:16:35,386 --> 00:16:37,139
Whatever you do,
Jerry, do not wiggle.
465
00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:38,479
With your current state,
466
00:16:38,573 --> 00:16:40,832
the opportunity
for splinters is immense.
467
00:16:40,983 --> 00:16:42,979
Sorry about that. I just wanted
to bring in some firewood
468
00:16:43,003 --> 00:16:45,244
to say thanks
for your hospitality this week.
469
00:16:45,396 --> 00:16:46,746
But I'm beginning to notice
470
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:49,007
that I'm not very good
at Alaska stuff.
471
00:16:49,234 --> 00:16:50,894
Alaska isn't for everyone, Jer.
472
00:16:50,918 --> 00:16:52,251
But you're so happy here!
473
00:16:52,403 --> 00:16:54,156
I am, but we're not
the same person.
474
00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:56,217
You know you've been doing this
our whole lives, right?
475
00:16:56,241 --> 00:16:58,477
I do a thing, it makes me happy,
then you copy that thing
476
00:16:58,501 --> 00:17:00,404
because you think
it'll make you happy.
477
00:17:00,428 --> 00:17:02,573
And it rarely works out.
Remember rhythmic gymnastics?
478
00:17:02,597 --> 00:17:04,408
We had to take you
to the emergency room
479
00:17:04,432 --> 00:17:06,002
to get the ribbon off of you.
480
00:17:06,026 --> 00:17:08,434
Yeah, I never really thought
about it before,
481
00:17:08,586 --> 00:17:09,861
but you're right.
482
00:17:10,088 --> 00:17:11,288
I follow you because, well,
483
00:17:11,347 --> 00:17:13,325
I know I love
making other people happy,
484
00:17:13,349 --> 00:17:15,419
with Pizza Surprises
and hermit crabs,
485
00:17:15,443 --> 00:17:18,427
but I don't exactly know
how to make old Jerry happy.
486
00:17:18,521 --> 00:17:21,614
Also, honestly, I thought Alaska
would be mostly hot chocolate
487
00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:23,115
and panning for gold.
488
00:17:23,268 --> 00:17:24,928
Maybe I wasn't looking
at the most current websites.
489
00:17:24,952 --> 00:17:28,379
Anyway, I guess I can't keep
following in your footsteps.
490
00:17:28,606 --> 00:17:30,359
Our feet are different sizes,
little brother.
491
00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:32,269
You got to go find
your own Alaska.
492
00:17:32,293 --> 00:17:34,938
I guess I got
some soul-searching to do.
493
00:17:34,962 --> 00:17:37,129
Maybe my Alaska is
South Carolina.
494
00:17:37,282 --> 00:17:39,057
Or rhythmic gymnastics.
495
00:17:39,208 --> 00:17:40,852
You know I look good
in a leotard.
496
00:17:40,876 --> 00:17:42,705
- Jerry, no.
- I'm just playing.
497
00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:45,045
Do they have hot chocolate
in South Carolina?
498
00:17:45,139 --> 00:17:47,043
Morning, everyone. Where's Moon?
499
00:17:47,067 --> 00:17:49,286
Oh, he's upstairs listening
to an audiobook called
500
00:17:49,310 --> 00:17:52,403
The Giraffe and the Octopus:
Real Animals That Look Made-up.
501
00:17:52,630 --> 00:17:55,109
- What's up, Dad?
- I'm calling
an emergency family meeting.
502
00:17:55,133 --> 00:17:57,891
I'm afraid Moon is losing
his sense of wonder.
503
00:17:57,985 --> 00:17:59,871
There are certain things
that, if held onto,
504
00:17:59,895 --> 00:18:01,557
ward off those little parts
of life
505
00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:03,701
that chip away at us
and harden our souls.
506
00:18:03,732 --> 00:18:06,136
Like how we all kind of believe
the outhouse is haunted.
507
00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:08,569
Kind of?
Dad, it's definitely haunted.
508
00:18:08,663 --> 00:18:09,783
A ghost grabbed my butt!
509
00:18:09,981 --> 00:18:11,383
I believe
dolphins are just humans
510
00:18:11,407 --> 00:18:13,051
who stayed in the water
too long.
511
00:18:13,075 --> 00:18:14,978
And those little yellow dudes,
the Minions...
512
00:18:15,002 --> 00:18:17,481
I know they're not real,
but... are they?
513
00:18:17,505 --> 00:18:20,172
Yes, all these things,
all fine examples
514
00:18:20,325 --> 00:18:22,842
of what I'd like
to help Moon hold onto
515
00:18:22,994 --> 00:18:24,822
to remind him
that magic still exists.
516
00:18:24,846 --> 00:18:27,605
And I think I have a plan,
but it's something I can't do
517
00:18:27,832 --> 00:18:30,113
unless I want to throw up
a bunch, which I don't,
518
00:18:30,168 --> 00:18:32,288
so I need a volunteer
to help me bring joy
519
00:18:32,428 --> 00:18:34,112
to Moon with a little surprise.
520
00:18:34,263 --> 00:18:36,817
- You just said
my favorite words.
- "Throw up a bunch"?
521
00:18:36,841 --> 00:18:41,077
No. "Joy" and "surprise."
Beef, I think I'm your guy.
522
00:18:45,350 --> 00:18:46,677
Are you going to Russell's
after school?
523
00:18:46,701 --> 00:18:48,420
His big brother is letting us
play D&D with him.
524
00:18:48,444 --> 00:18:50,272
Dungeons & Dragons?
I only do real stuff now.
525
00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:52,441
Let me know when
it's just called "Dungeons."
526
00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:55,133
- Oh, wha... what is that?
- It's Bigfoot! Come quick!
527
00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:57,042
Yeah, right. Not interested.
528
00:18:57,137 --> 00:19:00,012
Actually, Moon, you better
take a look at this.
529
00:19:01,957 --> 00:19:04,142
That thing's hairier
than my Uncle Bunston.
530
00:19:05,036 --> 00:19:07,370
- Oh, wow!
- MOON: It's him!
531
00:19:07,463 --> 00:19:10,648
I probably owe you an apology.
532
00:19:10,799 --> 00:19:12,208
So, sorry.
533
00:19:12,301 --> 00:19:14,371
Also, your hands are dumb,
you smell like chili,
534
00:19:14,395 --> 00:19:16,523
and your name sounds like
somebody stepped on a cow.
535
00:19:16,547 --> 00:19:19,267
MOON:
There he goes
back into the woods.
536
00:19:19,384 --> 00:19:22,471
See you, big guy.
Thanks for showing up.
537
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:26,313
- What a rush!
- Great job, bro-in-law-to-be.
538
00:19:26,407 --> 00:19:28,144
I helped keep Moon's
sense of wonder alive,
539
00:19:28,168 --> 00:19:30,576
- and that made me really happy.
- Hey, look at you.
540
00:19:30,728 --> 00:19:33,315
You're happy, and you didn't
copy me to get there.
541
00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:35,376
Jerry, I happen to know
that the folks
542
00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:36,986
who loaned us this costume
are looking
543
00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:38,637
for someone
to do this part-time.
544
00:19:38,661 --> 00:19:39,919
Dress up as Bigfoot
545
00:19:40,013 --> 00:19:43,014
for conventions and maybe
the odd funeral or wedding.
546
00:19:43,241 --> 00:19:45,183
Ah, I wish I could, but I got
547
00:19:45,410 --> 00:19:47,070
to go figure out something
that makes me happy.
548
00:19:47,094 --> 00:19:49,239
Jerry, I think you just did.
549
00:19:49,263 --> 00:19:50,908
Oh, wow! You're right!
550
00:19:50,932 --> 00:19:53,599
Helping others be happy
makes me happy.
551
00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:55,654
It's like
when I do the Pizza Surprise.
552
00:19:55,678 --> 00:19:56,861
It's silly and stupid,
553
00:19:57,088 --> 00:19:59,530
but it always makes folks smile,
and I love that.
554
00:19:59,757 --> 00:20:03,108
Dressing up as Bigfoot is like
a hundred Pizza Surprises.
555
00:20:03,261 --> 00:20:04,738
If you call the number
on this card,
556
00:20:04,762 --> 00:20:07,371
the same overly-enthusiastic
interim vice-secretary
557
00:20:07,598 --> 00:20:11,042
that lent us the costume will
fill you in on the details.
558
00:20:11,193 --> 00:20:12,877
Wow. Thanks, Beef.
559
00:20:13,028 --> 00:20:14,286
Honeybee, is it okay
560
00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:16,881
if Alaska turns out
to be my Alaska after all?
561
00:20:17,032 --> 00:20:18,457
It's more than okay.
562
00:20:19,277 --> 00:20:20,771
- Good morning, Moon.
- No time to talk.
563
00:20:20,795 --> 00:20:22,553
Going to leave Bigfoot a snack.
564
00:20:22,780 --> 00:20:25,201
Jerry, don't eat the crackers
this time, okay?
565
00:20:25,225 --> 00:20:27,110
Crackers?
I never mess with crackers.
566
00:20:27,134 --> 00:20:30,135
Crunchy and bland?
My mouth never been so confused.
567
00:20:30,230 --> 00:20:32,783
You didn't eat Moon's
Bigfoot bait the other morning?
568
00:20:32,807 --> 00:20:34,618
Morning?
What are you talking about?
569
00:20:34,642 --> 00:20:36,437
It's a thing
we have here in Alaska.
570
00:20:36,461 --> 00:20:38,121
The sun comes up.
It's a whole deal.
571
00:20:38,145 --> 00:20:39,790
Oh, no, no, no, no,
my plane got in at night,
572
00:20:39,814 --> 00:20:42,965
and I picked up a pizza and came
right here and fell in a hole.
573
00:20:43,058 --> 00:20:46,222
(gasps)
We have a mystery on our hands!
574
00:20:46,246 --> 00:20:48,282
So that means
there really might be...
575
00:20:48,306 --> 00:20:50,284
- Minions.
- I was gonna say "Bigfoot,"
576
00:20:50,308 --> 00:20:52,043
- but, uh, why not?
- BEEF: Hmm.
577
00:20:52,067 --> 00:20:54,063
Perhaps I'll go help Moon
with those crackers.
578
00:20:54,087 --> 00:20:55,564
Looks nice outside.
579
00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:58,049
WOLF:
Front page of
StrokeMasterson. biz,
580
00:20:58,073 --> 00:20:59,331
here we come.
581
00:20:59,425 --> 00:21:03,319
♪ Pizza Surprise,
Pizza Surprise ♪
582
00:21:03,412 --> 00:21:07,932
♪ I jump out from the bushes
with pizza pies ♪
583
00:21:08,083 --> 00:21:12,103
♪ Pizza Surprise,
Pizza Surprise ♪
584
00:21:12,254 --> 00:21:15,922
♪ First comes the fear,
then the joy in your eyes ♪
585
00:21:16,017 --> 00:21:18,501
♪ Pizza Surprise,
Pizza Surprise ♪
586
00:21:18,594 --> 00:21:20,923
♪ Pepperoni aroma's
my only disguise ♪
587
00:21:20,947 --> 00:21:22,947
♪ Pizza Surprise,
Pizza Surprise ♪
588
00:21:23,174 --> 00:21:25,669
♪ Pepperoni aroma's
my only disguise ♪
589
00:21:25,693 --> 00:21:30,288
♪ Ah! Ah! Enjoy! ♪
590
00:21:30,312 --> 00:21:32,312
>>>>oakislandtk<<<<<
www.opensubtitles.org