1 00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:34,199 - Who owns the Infinity Gauntlet? - Thanos. 2 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:37,279 - What was Thor's father's name? - Odin. 3 00:00:37,280 --> 00:00:39,679 Sorry, Moss, I've really got to go. 4 00:00:39,680 --> 00:00:41,479 Awww, just a few more, just a few more! 5 00:00:41,480 --> 00:00:43,879 No, no, I'm sorry. You've done more than enough. 6 00:00:43,880 --> 00:00:47,359 OK. Alright, baby, see you later. Bye-bye. 7 00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:49,199 - Wow! - Right? 8 00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:51,159 That's an impressive knowledge of the Marvel universe. 9 00:00:51,160 --> 00:00:53,919 - I know. - Well, you've done it. 10 00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:57,559 You've finally found a woman I can do business with. 11 00:00:57,560 --> 00:00:59,999 Yeah, no, don't say things like that. 12 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:02,799 I'm sorry, I'm just so excited for us! 13 00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:04,643 No. 14 00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:10,799 If you don't go in all the way, it doesn't really count. 15 00:01:14,960 --> 00:01:18,799 Hey, Red! Stand back, stand back, this one's mine. 16 00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:21,359 I'm going to do everything for you really nice. 17 00:01:21,360 --> 00:01:23,681 Stand back, stand back! she's all mine. 18 00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:29,681 - It's tight. - You're so strong. 19 00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:50,880 - Oh! - Ah, yes, yes! 20 00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:55,290 It's bubbling over. 21 00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:17,850 It's on the house...for you. 22 00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:23,005 - Oh, my God! - You inspire me. 23 00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:27,879 - Have a great day. - I will. And you. Thank you. 24 00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:29,644 Ciao. 25 00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:35,959 Maman, je suis un bébé. 26 00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:39,999 Moss, have you seen this video of the baby speaking French? 27 00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:43,279 It went viral at 10:30, Roy. Of course I've seen it. 28 00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:45,519 I must have been in the toilet. 29 00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:47,039 Ah, Jen, exciting news. 30 00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:48,879 I've just uploaded the second episode 31 00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:50,719 of my board games review show. 32 00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:52,324 Care to have a look? 33 00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:57,599 That was fast. 34 00:02:57,600 --> 00:02:59,399 Seems like only yesterday 35 00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:02,119 we had to sit through the last one. 36 00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:04,759 - It was three months ago, Jen. - Really?! 37 00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:09,079 It feels like it just happened. Roy, did you hear that? 38 00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:11,559 Moss has done his board game review show again. 39 00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:14,799 I'm not watching that. I'm not watching that again. 40 00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:16,839 Jesus Christ, we don't have to watch it, do we? 41 00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:19,799 We only sat through the first one the other day. 42 00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:23,719 - It was three months ago. - My God! 43 00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:27,119 Wow. It feels like it just ended. 44 00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:28,919 It was so boring! 45 00:03:28,920 --> 00:03:34,404 It was like being insane, it was so insanely boring. 46 00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:38,284 Roy's not a fan, but you said you liked it. 47 00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:41,759 - Where did you get your coffee? - New place. 48 00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:44,679 - Any good? - Really good. 49 00:03:44,680 --> 00:03:47,039 You specifically said, and I quote, 50 00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:49,559 "You must show me the next one, Moss." 51 00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:52,559 - Did I? Did I really? My God. 52 00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:54,479 Oh, if you'll excuse me, 53 00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:56,999 that'll be my lady love from the seventh floor. 54 00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:59,159 - That's going well? - Oh, yeah! 55 00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:02,079 He's cock-a-hoop over this sheila. 56 00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:04,319 OK, so that'll be over soon, then. 57 00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:06,999 Hey, I'll have you know that Alice is nuts about me. 58 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:11,079 She thinks that I'm emotionally artistic. 59 00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:12,759 What does that mean? 60 00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:17,760 Well, she said that emotionally I was on the artistic spectrum. 61 00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:23,119 I think it means that I'm creative about my feelings, 62 00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:26,999 and I'm more in tune with her wants and needs than most men. 63 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:30,399 Oh, she's rung out. That keeps happening. 64 00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:31,879 Alright, if I said I'd watch it 65 00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:34,199 then I suppose that's what I'm going to have to do. 66 00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:37,959 - That's the spirit, Jen! - Let's get it over with. 67 00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:39,599 Now, keep an open mind. 68 00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:41,959 I know the first show was a bit "bare bones" 69 00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:44,639 but I think you'll really enjoy my new episode, 70 00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:46,439 or 'webisode', if you prefer. 71 00:04:46,440 --> 00:04:48,239 I don't prefer that. No-one does. 72 00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:51,159 Come on, come on. Sooner it starts, sooner it's over. 73 00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:53,686 Game Board. 74 00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:01,964 Game. Game. Game. 75 00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:10,159 - Game. - Board. 76 00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:12,519 - Game. - Board. 77 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:14,879 - Game. - Board. 78 00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:16,399 Board. 79 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:20,928 Board. Board. Board. 80 00:05:23,280 --> 00:05:25,839 Hello and welcome to Games Board. 81 00:05:25,840 --> 00:05:28,159 Today on the show, we have... 82 00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:30,288 So, guys... 83 00:05:32,720 --> 00:05:34,927 What's coming up on the show? 84 00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:38,279 - Guys? - I've... 85 00:05:38,280 --> 00:05:40,559 I've been playing 'Ports of Essen', 86 00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:43,039 a strategic trading game where each player 87 00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:46,679 takes the role of a Danish fishing port merchant 88 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:48,603 in the 16th century. 89 00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:52,399 And for a change of pace, 90 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:53,919 I've been looking at 91 00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:55,639 the expansion to 'Textile Merchant', 92 00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:58,769 Norfolk Edition'. 93 00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:02,279 Two games by Rainer Kinitski? 94 00:06:02,280 --> 00:06:04,601 Hold onto your hat, it's going to be a bumpy... 95 00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:08,966 Let's talk about components. 96 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:12,319 Shouldn't we do rules before components? 97 00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:15,679 Components won't make any sense if we do it before the rules. 98 00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:17,479 Don't forget to cut this conversation. 99 00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:20,643 - What? - Don't let the program... 100 00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:25,519 How long is this? 101 00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:28,799 Even hearing it is bad. I need to stop hearing it. 102 00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:30,879 Sorry, Moss, I can't do it. It's unbearable. 103 00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:32,679 Where are you going? 104 00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:36,719 - I'm jealous of your coffee. - You literally can't watch it? 105 00:06:36,720 --> 00:06:38,722 I literally can't watch it. 106 00:06:39,760 --> 00:06:42,159 So what can we do to make it better? 107 00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:44,599 Well, I don't want to say anything 108 00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:46,479 that might hurt your feelings. 109 00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:49,119 It's alright, I can take it, Jen. I'm a big boy. 110 00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:52,879 Well, as I say, it's slow. It's so slow. 111 00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:56,279 OK, good. It is a bit slow. We can work on that. 112 00:06:56,280 --> 00:06:59,204 And I guess the other thing is that it's terrible. 113 00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:02,119 It's slow and terrible. 114 00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:03,759 If a friend asked me, 115 00:07:03,760 --> 00:07:05,719 I'd say it's a slow, terrible thing 116 00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:07,639 I could only watch for a minute. 117 00:07:07,640 --> 00:07:09,119 Is this helpful? 118 00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:12,479 Oh! So helpful! 119 00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:15,919 God! "Slow. Terrible. 120 00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:18,479 "Could only watch it for a minute." 121 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:20,199 A lot to get our teeth stuck into. 122 00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:22,239 Let's see if I can help you with anything else. 123 00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:25,759 Erm, none of you are any good in front of a camera. 124 00:07:25,760 --> 00:07:28,399 - None of us. Yeah. - You've got annoying voices. 125 00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:29,959 The voices are a pain. 126 00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:32,119 And I guess that's because you haven't got any confidence. 127 00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:33,599 No confidence. 128 00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:36,559 If there's one thing you need, it's confidence. 129 00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:38,159 It is confidence. Absolutely. 130 00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:41,199 Well, Jen, I can only thank you, once again... 131 00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:43,282 - And another thing... - I'm not listening anymore! 132 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:52,359 - Douglas, you're incorrigible. - I'm incorrigible? 133 00:07:52,360 --> 00:07:54,079 You're Raymond Peterfellow, 134 00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:58,079 owner of the finest lap-dancing establishment in Soho. 135 00:07:58,080 --> 00:08:02,399 If anyone's incorrigible it's you, you perfumed porno vampire. 136 00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:07,319 Perfumed porno vampire. I like that. 137 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:10,959 So you're thinking of 500 of these travelling across London? 138 00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:14,199 - That's what I said. - Sexy and classy. 139 00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:16,399 And that's difficult to pull off. 140 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:18,679 This will get people talking, alright. Ha! 141 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:20,439 Consider me one happy shareholder. 142 00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:23,519 Right. Oh, big party coming up on Thursday night 143 00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:24,999 if you're up for it. 144 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:28,039 Damn, I'm supposed to be doing 'Secret Millionaire'. 145 00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:30,799 Fuck it, I'll cancel. I'll tell my assistant. 146 00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:33,279 - Hi, Joan. - Jen. 147 00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:35,119 I'm not your assistant, Mr Reynholm. 148 00:08:35,120 --> 00:08:37,119 I want you to cancel 'Secret Millionaire'. 149 00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:39,239 Not your assistant. Wouldn't know who to call. 150 00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:41,559 Just say anything. Work your usual magic. 151 00:08:41,560 --> 00:08:43,961 Not your assistant. I am not your... 152 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:48,199 I thought this was the toilet. Didn't this used to be toilets? 153 00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:51,761 Yes. I moved my office here to be closer to the ladies toilets. 154 00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:56,319 Must get someone to take that sign down. 155 00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:58,519 What's wrong with you, Ross? 156 00:08:58,520 --> 00:09:01,719 - Small mocha, please. - Small mocha, please. 157 00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:03,006 Okey-dokey. 158 00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:07,802 Or...medium. 159 00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:12,439 You know what? I've changed my mind. I'll have a medium. 160 00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:13,965 So you don't want a small one? 161 00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:20,199 Small's fine. Small's good, just as good, so I'll just... 162 00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:23,799 Yes, that is what I'll have - a small mocha, my little man. 163 00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:27,119 My good man. My good little man. 164 00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:29,168 OK, coming up. 165 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:46,489 Got it. 166 00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:55,447 OK? 167 00:09:57,600 --> 00:09:59,364 Fuck's sake. 168 00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:09,089 Thank you for the virgin gin and tonic. 169 00:10:11,120 --> 00:10:14,079 I suppose you could just call it 'tonic'. 170 00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:15,999 Yes. 171 00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:18,319 So, Ross, how goes it in the world of computers? 172 00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:20,926 Or PC world, if you will? 173 00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:23,839 We're all very happy, thank you, Mr Reynholm. 174 00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:25,639 Very happy indeed. 175 00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:27,479 Forget this 'we' malarky, I'm talking to you, Ross. 176 00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:29,279 Are you happy? 177 00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:31,879 Very happy, thank you, Mr Reynholm. 178 00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:33,759 Look, I'm not your boss. 179 00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:35,839 We're just a couple of guys shooting the shit. 180 00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:37,639 Now, tell me the truth. 181 00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:39,879 Well, I suppose sometimes 182 00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:43,479 I do feel I lack a little confidence. 183 00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:46,119 -- I know, it's silly. 184 00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:49,203 No, I've just realised what a funny voice you have. 185 00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:53,359 Now, Ross, I'm going to tell you something. 186 00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:55,679 Confidence is a confidence trick. 187 00:10:55,680 --> 00:10:58,490 Look at me. What do you see? 188 00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:02,559 A man who inherited his father's successful business. 189 00:11:02,560 --> 00:11:05,159 - Wasn't that successful. - It was pretty successful. 190 00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:07,719 A lot more successful than it is now, that's for sure. 191 00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:10,319 Alright, alright! Just say the right thing. 192 00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:12,199 Say the thing I want you to say. 193 00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:15,639 - Say "a confident man". - A confident man! 194 00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:17,439 I wasn't always this way. 195 00:11:17,440 --> 00:11:20,519 I was just like you, but then I discovered the secret. 196 00:11:20,520 --> 00:11:23,599 And Ross, I'm going to tell you what that secret is, 197 00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:25,799 but you must keep it to yourself. 198 00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:28,485 I will take my ears to the grave. 199 00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:32,405 Two words. 200 00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:35,690 Women's slacks. 201 00:11:40,680 --> 00:11:42,479 I'm sorry? 202 00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:44,323 Women's slacks. 203 00:11:46,360 --> 00:11:49,039 - Women's slacks? - Yes. 204 00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:52,169 I'm wearing women's slacks. 205 00:11:53,920 --> 00:11:56,730 - You're wearing women's slacks? - Yes. 206 00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:04,399 That's nothing like what I thought you were going to say. 207 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:06,879 - Is it not? - It is not. 208 00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:09,879 I thought you were going to give me a book recommendation. 209 00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:13,885 Book recommendation? I can't read. 210 00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:16,719 I don't know what it is, 211 00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:19,039 but women's slacks give me the confidence I need 212 00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:20,999 to survive in a tough business world. 213 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:24,879 They're lighter, airier and less constricted than men's trousers, 214 00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:27,201 and I'm pretty sure it doesn't make me a transvestite. 215 00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:34,199 Look at that shit. Look at it. 216 00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:35,999 I can't... How am I supposed to... 217 00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:38,839 It looks like he milked a cow over it. 218 00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:41,799 You're so fussy about coffee. It's very annoying. 219 00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:43,759 It's ruined! He ruined my coffee. 220 00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:46,279 Don't just chuck it like that. 221 00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:48,199 That fella shouldn't be allowed to be a barista. 222 00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:50,879 - Why not? - Because he's too small, Jen. 223 00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:53,281 He's clearly too small to be a barista. 224 00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:55,726 What? 225 00:12:56,960 --> 00:12:59,645 You're being a bit of a small person racist, Roy. 226 00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:03,359 A small person racist? That's not a thing. 227 00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:05,879 You can't have tiny baristas, Jen. 228 00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:08,326 For God's sake, the man works with steam! 229 00:13:09,720 --> 00:13:11,799 I'm going to have to have a word with him. 230 00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:13,999 Have a word with him? 231 00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:16,606 - That's right. - About his height? 232 00:13:17,640 --> 00:13:19,519 I think he'd appreciate the feedback. 233 00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:21,119 About his height? 234 00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:24,519 That's not what people do, Roy. 235 00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:27,359 Well, I'm not people, Jen, and I think that's a good thing. 236 00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:29,079 I'm not afraid to cut through the bullshit. 237 00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:32,279 I bet this is exactly what Alice was talking about. 238 00:13:32,280 --> 00:13:34,559 Autistic! 239 00:13:34,560 --> 00:13:37,245 She said 'autistic'. That's what happened. 240 00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:43,039 - No, I don't think so. - There's no artistic spectrum! 241 00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:44,963 But she said I was... 242 00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:49,159 Did she say it during an argument, by any chance? 243 00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:52,679 She did say it during a... She did say it... 244 00:13:52,680 --> 00:13:55,999 What was weird was, we were having quite a big argument, 245 00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:58,199 and then suddenly, out of nowhere, 246 00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:00,279 she paid me that lovely compliment. 247 00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:04,244 Hey, baby. 248 00:14:05,560 --> 00:14:08,484 Oh, oh, good, good, yes. 249 00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:13,199 Sure, yeah, I'd love to. 250 00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:15,806 Yes, OK, well, I'll see you there. 251 00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:18,285 Wh... Why? 252 00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:20,799 No, it's... 253 00:14:20,800 --> 00:14:22,802 Hello? Alice? 254 00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:27,879 - That was weird. - What? 255 00:14:27,880 --> 00:14:31,119 OK, so, what the hell is that? 256 00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:32,719 So she tells me that her grandfather died, 257 00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:34,319 she wants me to go to the funeral. 258 00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:36,800 I say that I'd be delighted, and then she hangs on me. 259 00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:40,239 - Her grandfather's funeral? - Yeah. 260 00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:42,479 That's what you were just talking about just there? 261 00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:44,279 That's right. 262 00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:46,799 You sounded like you were being invited to Glastonbury. 263 00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:51,119 Oh, funerals are sad. 264 00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:55,159 - You did not sound sad. - I wasn't concentrating! 265 00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:58,079 Emotionally artistic? You're emotionally colourblind. 266 00:14:58,080 --> 00:14:59,719 Maybe I am emotionally colourblind. 267 00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:02,879 I was about to confront that little man. 268 00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:05,479 I was going to give him shit about his height. 269 00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:07,679 Glad you realise how inappropriate that would be. 270 00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:11,127 Yeah. I'll just leave him a note. 271 00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:37,811 - I'm here on purpose. - Oh, yes. 272 00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:42,639 I'm interested in women's slacks. 273 00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:44,759 I see. 274 00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:46,967 I'd like... Sorry. Hot ear. 275 00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:53,361 I'd like to buy a pair of women's slacks. 276 00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:57,239 For me, not for a woman. 277 00:15:57,240 --> 00:16:00,279 Oh, yes, well, that shouldn't be a problem. 278 00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:02,999 I'm not trying to look like a woman. 279 00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:04,445 I understand. 280 00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:09,359 I'm not a confident man. 281 00:16:09,360 --> 00:16:14,048 Quite. Well, let's see what we can do for you. 282 00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:21,079 - I don't know about this. - Oh, just ask them, Jen. 283 00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:23,839 Me and Juan, we have a thing. 284 00:16:23,840 --> 00:16:25,759 I don't want another splishy-splashy coffee 285 00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:27,679 from the teeny-tiny coffee man! 286 00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:29,479 Poor woman. 287 00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:31,679 Don't give her money. You're not supposed to do that. 288 00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:35,207 I'm actually a person, Roy, with human feelings. 289 00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:40,919 - Oh. - Oh. 290 00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:43,519 - Oh! - Oh? 291 00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:47,279 - Whadya do that for? - I'm sorry, I thought... 292 00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:49,479 -- I don't know what to do. 293 00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:52,199 - Here's £5. Do you want £5? 294 00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:54,959 - I don't know if you want money. 295 00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:57,799 - I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Sorry! - Arggh! 296 00:16:57,800 --> 00:17:00,119 - I'm sorry, I'm sorry. - What happened? 297 00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:02,079 Never mind, just go. 298 00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:13,559 What do you think? 299 00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:15,608 I think... 300 00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:18,688 ...you just sold a brother some slacks. 301 00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:26,119 Help! Help, get off me! 302 00:17:26,120 --> 00:17:29,559 - Let go! - You're a bully. 303 00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:33,849 Need to save that old woman, but I have no confidence. 304 00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:48,405 Hey. 305 00:17:57,320 --> 00:17:58,765 Thank you. 306 00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:14,400 Red! Come on, no queue for you. Come on. 307 00:18:16,360 --> 00:18:18,124 - Hello, Juan. - I'm with her. 308 00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:24,559 It must be my birthday, I get to see you twice so quick. 309 00:18:24,560 --> 00:18:28,039 Yes, back again! Same as usual, please. 310 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:29,879 And could I ask you a huge favour 311 00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:31,679 and ask you to make Roy's coffee too? 312 00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:34,079 I've been going on and on about you. 313 00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:35,879 And I like what I heard. 314 00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:40,319 - Would that be OK? Do you mind? - Anything for you, my sweet. 315 00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:42,243 OK. 316 00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:49,250 Slippery fingers. 317 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:20,759 - It's alright. - It's not alright. 318 00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:24,719 Look, it looks like me with a beard. 319 00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:27,291 I don't want this. It's horrible. 320 00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:32,879 Oh, God! Oh, my God! 321 00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:35,479 - Why did you do that?! - I didn't mean to! 322 00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:37,799 I don't hate you. None of this is on purpose. 323 00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:42,799 What can I do? Let me give you some money. 324 00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:46,279 Here's £10. Oh, my God! 325 00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:47,327 Huh? 326 00:19:48,360 --> 00:19:50,919 - I'm not with her. - Oi! Oi! 327 00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:52,399 Jesus! 328 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:54,199 - Did you write this comment? - No. 329 00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:56,319 You've got a problem with smaller people. 330 00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:58,559 I don't have a problem with small people, OK? I don't. 331 00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:01,519 I just don't want you making my coffee. 332 00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:04,719 Because you're bad at it. You're bad at making coffee. 333 00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:07,599 You're too small. You're too small to make good coffee. 334 00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:10,331 - You know what? Up yours. - No... 335 00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:14,999 - Little man, watch out! 336 00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:20,319 It's being called the viral video of the year. 337 00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:22,239 A woman throws her coffee onto a tramp 338 00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:25,439 and then a man has an argument with a small barista. 339 00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:27,044 You're just too small! 340 00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:30,039 The barista goes to cross the road 341 00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:31,929 and is hit by a van with breasts. 342 00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:36,439 The woman who's been dubbed by various online commentators 343 00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:40,879 as Coffee Tramp Toss Bitch has not been identified, 344 00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:44,566 while the man known as Small Person Racist was also... 345 00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:50,761 Small people are not a race. This isn't 'Game of Thrones'. 346 00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:56,799 They're actually calling me a bitch on the news. 347 00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:58,959 What the hell happened there? 348 00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:02,679 - How did you find out? - Weekly surveillance report. 349 00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:04,759 What's going on, Joan? 350 00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:07,279 I expect better from my assistant. 351 00:21:07,280 --> 00:21:09,319 I'm not your assistant. My name isn't Joan. 352 00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:11,839 What's your beef with the homeless? 353 00:21:11,840 --> 00:21:14,359 I don't have any homeless beef. 354 00:21:14,360 --> 00:21:18,159 Ah, so it's women you hate. Well, that I can understand. 355 00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:21,519 Whoa. You record our emails and tape our phone calls? 356 00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:24,159 Alright, dry your eyes, Bono. 357 00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:26,839 If you've nothing to hide, you've nothing to fear. 358 00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:28,559 It wasn't my fault, Mr Reynholm. 359 00:21:28,560 --> 00:21:31,199 I would never throw coffee over a homeless woman. 360 00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:33,879 And I would never abuse a small person. 361 00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:36,770 Certainly not enough to make a van with tits hit him. 362 00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:41,719 Although I suppose I sort of did. 363 00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:43,439 I sort of did my one too. 364 00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:45,239 Frustrating that we did both of our things. 365 00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:46,719 Yes, it is. 366 00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:49,239 Alright, spare me. I was young once. 367 00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:51,079 But if this gets out, 368 00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:53,239 this could deeply damage Reynholm Industries' ability 369 00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:55,679 to make that product that we make. 370 00:21:55,680 --> 00:21:57,999 What do you want us to do, Mr Reynholm? 371 00:21:58,000 --> 00:21:59,799 Don't do anything. 372 00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:02,359 Stay out of trouble, and remember, 373 00:22:02,360 --> 00:22:06,524 there are places lower than the basement. 374 00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:16,799 Stop worrying, Jen. Nobody can make us out in that video. 375 00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:19,839 It's just like early footage of happy slapping. Just relax. 376 00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:22,279 I can't relax. It's alright for you. I have plans. 377 00:22:22,280 --> 00:22:25,879 I want to get up there. I will not be a social piranha. 378 00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:27,484 A what, now? 379 00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:30,679 - Jen, take a look at this. - What is it? 380 00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:34,239 - The new-look 'Game Board'. -200,000 views? 381 00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:35,844 I know. It's a bit different. 382 00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:41,759 - Check it out. Game Board. - Shut the fridge. It's... 383 00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:44,331 - Game Board. ----- Game Board. 384 00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:49,845 Say what? 385 00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:57,039 Wow! You all seem different somehow. 386 00:22:57,040 --> 00:22:59,008 Yes. We're all wearing women's trousers. 387 00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:03,799 Oh. Right. 388 00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:06,039 Hey, what's going on? It's G-G-G-G-Game Board. 389 00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:08,559 - He's... - Newton Sinclair. 390 00:23:08,560 --> 00:23:10,642 - This guy's... - Roger Booth. 391 00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:14,679 And I guess I'm still Maurice Moss. 392 00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:16,919 Are you wearing the trousers now? 393 00:23:16,920 --> 00:23:19,999 I couldn't wear them all the time. I'd have a heart attack. 394 00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:24,085 No, they're safely locked away in my fortress of solitude. 395 00:23:25,120 --> 00:23:27,799 It's funny - when I wear them, I'm a dynamo, 396 00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:31,279 a young Leonard Kravitz, people hanging off my every word. 397 00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:33,999 And then as soon as I take them off 398 00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:36,119 I'm just back to being the same... 399 00:23:36,120 --> 00:23:37,919 She's gone, hasn't she? She's gone. 400 00:23:37,920 --> 00:23:39,719 - She went quite a while ago. - Yeah. 401 00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:43,719 - Oh, Michael Bublé's here! - No, no, it's a funeral, Moss. 402 00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:46,479 I have to go to this funeral for Alice's grandfather, 403 00:23:46,480 --> 00:23:48,359 and I'm not looking forward to it. 404 00:23:48,360 --> 00:23:51,599 Funerals are pain in the crack. 405 00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:54,639 Even in the best of circumstances they're no picnic, 406 00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:58,439 but now I've got Alice on my arse like the emotion police. 407 00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:01,919 So I'm going to have to look convincingly sad 408 00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:04,639 for the majority of the day. 409 00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:05,919 Eugh. 410 00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:08,119 She's not going to expect me to cry, is she? 411 00:24:08,120 --> 00:24:10,599 - No. - What if she does?! 412 00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:13,199 I can't cry on cue. What do I do then? 413 00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:15,119 Do what I do when I need to cry. 414 00:24:15,120 --> 00:24:17,441 Use a mild pepper spray solution. 415 00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:20,959 Now, that makes sense, see? 416 00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:23,599 That makes more sense than having to feel something. 417 00:24:23,600 --> 00:24:25,599 Do you have any of that stuff here? 418 00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:27,439 Why do you think we have a mini-fridge? 419 00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:29,169 Good evening. 420 00:24:32,360 --> 00:24:36,359 - You've got quite a lot of it. - I suppose I have made a lot. 421 00:24:36,360 --> 00:24:38,479 And what's in here? 422 00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:42,359 Just Tabasco, wasabi and a bit of tear gas. 423 00:24:42,360 --> 00:24:45,479 Those sound like bad things to put in your eyes. 424 00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:48,639 It's extremely mild. It's mainly water. 425 00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:52,079 - I'll take it as a last resort. - As a last resort. 426 00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:54,359 In case I find myself out of my emotional depth. 427 00:24:54,360 --> 00:24:56,159 - There you go. - Alright. Thanks, Moss. 428 00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:57,605 -'Bye. -'Bye. 429 00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:03,406 Oh, don't forget to add the water. 430 00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:22,159 - Oh, poor Pip Pop. - Sorry, what? 431 00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:23,959 Pip Pop. 432 00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:27,442 We always called him Pip Pop because he was so short. 433 00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:32,399 All of my family on that side are really short. 434 00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:34,801 Is that right? 435 00:25:41,520 --> 00:25:45,730 Ohhh. Oh, Alice. Shh. 436 00:25:55,160 --> 00:25:56,959 Oh! 437 00:25:56,960 --> 00:25:58,799 - Roy, are you alright? - Holy... 438 00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:02,919 - Yeah, it just really hurts. - Oh, Roy. 439 00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:06,003 - Oh, it hurts. - I know. I know. 440 00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:20,841 Oh, Christ, why is this happening? 441 00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:26,239 So will we ever find out just who this person was? 442 00:26:26,240 --> 00:26:28,039 Unfortunately, with current technology, 443 00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:30,519 we can't de-pixelate the picture, so it's very unlikely 444 00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:32,519 we'll ever find out the identity 445 00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:34,921 of this dreadful ginger cow 446 00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:41,519 - Christ. What the f... - Oh, are you still crying? 447 00:26:41,520 --> 00:26:45,479 I don't seem to be able to stop. What's happening now? 448 00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:47,879 One of the pallbearers wasn't able to make it. 449 00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:51,039 - Oh. - I know this is a bit weird. 450 00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:52,919 Do you mind stepping in? 451 00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:54,719 - I'm happy to. - Thank you. 452 00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:57,319 I mean, I'm sadly happy to, yeah. 453 00:26:57,320 --> 00:26:59,119 That's fine. 454 00:26:59,120 --> 00:27:01,719 Hi, thanks so much for helping us out. 455 00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:05,199 No problemo. Hey. Hi there. 456 00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:07,039 Hello. Oh, there's another one. 457 00:27:07,040 --> 00:27:08,839 Hi. Are these the other pallbearers? 458 00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:10,639 - Yeah. - Oh, God. 459 00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:14,719 So you guys and me, we're going to carry the coffin together? 460 00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:16,999 Yes. 461 00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:20,559 We're going to put the casket on our collective shoulders 462 00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:23,199 and walk in a straight line with it? 463 00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:25,599 No, it didn't go well, Jen. It didn't go well at all. 464 00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:28,279 I mean, thanks for asking, but no, it wasn't a success. 465 00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:31,079 It wasn't a successful funeral for me. 466 00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:34,599 Didn't have the required gravitas. 467 00:27:34,600 --> 00:27:38,599 - Gravitas? No, no. - It wasn't very dignified. 468 00:27:38,600 --> 00:27:41,239 It wasn't dignified at all, Jen! 469 00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:43,839 If I had to pick a word 470 00:27:43,840 --> 00:27:46,959 to describe Pip Pop's final journey to the grave, 471 00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:48,679 it would be 'funny'. 472 00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:51,799 It was so funny, Jen. 473 00:27:51,800 --> 00:27:53,439 Of course, I tried not to laugh 474 00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:55,519 and I tried to put other things in my head, 475 00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:58,679 but every step that we took was a fresh reminder 476 00:27:58,680 --> 00:28:02,559 of just how funny the whole thing was! 477 00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:06,167 - You didn't laugh, did you? - I laughed my hole off! 478 00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:10,199 I can't believe she's still with you. 479 00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:13,079 I suppose, but, I mean, I'm hanging on by a thread, Jen. 480 00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:16,519 I'll get through it as long as nothing else bad happens. 481 00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:23,407 There's the phone now. 482 00:28:25,760 --> 00:28:29,359 The new footage has led to the pair being identified - 483 00:28:29,360 --> 00:28:31,159 Jen Barber and Roy Trenneman, 484 00:28:31,160 --> 00:28:33,049 both employees at Reynholm Industries. 485 00:28:34,120 --> 00:28:35,999 What the hell were you thinking? 486 00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:40,005 I told you to keep a low profile and you do it again! 487 00:28:41,360 --> 00:28:44,639 No, no, no, no, no, it's new footage, Mr Reynholm. 488 00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:46,839 Bum your excuses! 489 00:28:46,840 --> 00:28:49,479 Reynholm Industries has a reputation to uphold. 490 00:28:49,480 --> 00:28:52,245 We're not News International, for Christ's sake! 491 00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:56,199 I'm going to have to do 'Secret pissing Millionaire' now 492 00:28:56,200 --> 00:28:58,079 just to undo your damage! 493 00:28:58,080 --> 00:29:01,239 And I'm missing out on a massive tit party! 494 00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:03,846 And you're no longer my assistant. 495 00:29:05,680 --> 00:29:07,284 I'm furious. 496 00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:10,439 And I'll tell you something else, 497 00:29:10,440 --> 00:29:12,807 when I return from the estate, it's... 498 00:29:14,560 --> 00:29:16,085 ...for you. 499 00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:25,999 -- Oh! Oh! 500 00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:28,239 Hey, baby. 501 00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:31,879 Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah, no, absolutely. 502 00:29:31,880 --> 00:29:33,644 Alright, OK. Bye-bye. 503 00:29:35,720 --> 00:29:37,688 - She left you? - She did. Yeah. 504 00:29:42,040 --> 00:29:45,639 As the identities of Coffee Toss Tramp Bitch 505 00:29:45,640 --> 00:29:47,799 and Small Person Racist are finally revealed, 506 00:29:47,800 --> 00:29:49,679 we at Channel 4 News ask, 507 00:29:49,680 --> 00:29:51,839 "What the hell is wrong with people?" 508 00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:02,679 I've got a lot of new followers on Chitter. 509 00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:05,759 - Loads more followers, yeah. - They're all very abusive. 510 00:30:05,760 --> 00:30:09,039 - They wish we were dead. - Wait. 511 00:30:09,040 --> 00:30:10,839 - What? - Chitter. 512 00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:14,731 We can use Chitter to explain ourselves. 513 00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:17,799 Yeah. 514 00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:20,319 Chitter is the perfect place to explain a complex situation. 515 00:30:20,320 --> 00:30:23,279 "I didn't mean to throw coffee on that woman. 516 00:30:23,280 --> 00:30:25,239 "I didn't know she was there. 517 00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:28,719 "I went back to try and find her, but..." 518 00:30:28,720 --> 00:30:32,159 - Too many characters. - Too many characters. 519 00:30:32,160 --> 00:30:36,079 Got it. "Hate the homeless? 520 00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:39,639 "And I suppose I hate women too. 521 00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:42,239 "LOL." Send. 522 00:30:42,240 --> 00:30:44,279 Whoa. You didn't just send that, did you? 523 00:30:44,280 --> 00:30:46,959 - Yes. - That didn't sound so good. 524 00:30:46,960 --> 00:30:49,519 People get the sense of it. That's the thing about Chitter. 525 00:30:49,520 --> 00:30:52,439 It's best if you're conversational, off the cuff. 526 00:30:52,440 --> 00:30:53,919 Here it is. 527 00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:57,319 Oh. You didn't put a question mark after the first sentence. 528 00:30:57,320 --> 00:30:59,599 You don't need to use proper grammar on Chitter, Roy. 529 00:30:59,600 --> 00:31:01,879 What you've chitted here, Jen, is 530 00:31:01,880 --> 00:31:06,880 "Hate the homeless and I suppose I hate women too. LOL." 531 00:31:07,200 --> 00:31:10,921 Phew! I'm glad all that's over. 532 00:31:13,520 --> 00:31:16,126 Ohhhhh. 533 00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:10,770 And then laughs about it on Chitter. 534 00:32:18,240 --> 00:32:20,759 You're too small. You're just too small! 535 00:32:20,760 --> 00:32:23,047 You're too small, too small, too small... 536 00:32:24,560 --> 00:32:27,609 ...which then leads to him being hit by a van with tits. 537 00:32:37,560 --> 00:32:42,560 And now Anonymous are after us. Well, that's just ideal. 538 00:32:42,880 --> 00:32:45,399 Oh, a bunch of nerds sitting at their computer, 539 00:32:45,400 --> 00:32:47,279 what can they do? 540 00:32:47,280 --> 00:32:49,199 We pissed off the internet, Jen. 541 00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:51,119 The internet is coming to get us! 542 00:32:51,120 --> 00:32:56,120 Well, let's get it before it gets us. 543 00:32:56,520 --> 00:32:58,959 What are you... 544 00:32:58,960 --> 00:33:01,919 Oh, I don't want Anonymous after me. 545 00:33:01,920 --> 00:33:04,719 I'm in Anonymous! 546 00:33:04,720 --> 00:33:06,165 I think. 547 00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:08,969 Let's hide it! 548 00:33:12,280 --> 00:33:15,759 - What? - The internet! 549 00:33:15,760 --> 00:33:17,444 Oh. 550 00:33:18,480 --> 00:33:22,079 Because we told you that that was the internet? 551 00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:23,923 Yes. 552 00:33:25,280 --> 00:33:27,601 And we never told you that it wasn't the internet? 553 00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:32,847 - No. - Well, the thing is, Jen... 554 00:33:34,480 --> 00:33:36,323 That's not the internet. 555 00:33:37,360 --> 00:33:39,124 What's Jen doing with the internet? 556 00:33:41,280 --> 00:33:43,806 - We're not doing that. - Oh! 557 00:33:45,080 --> 00:33:46,286 Crickets! 558 00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:51,359 Right, don't be scared, yeah? We're all friends here. 559 00:33:51,360 --> 00:33:56,119 - Tell Dougie your story. - OK, but who is he again? 560 00:33:56,120 --> 00:33:59,519 I'm just your average social worker. 561 00:33:59,520 --> 00:34:02,879 Yes, just in the area having a look around. 562 00:34:02,880 --> 00:34:05,359 Please, just pretend I'm not here. 563 00:34:05,360 --> 00:34:08,239 Do you ever have anyone come round and help you and stuff? 564 00:34:08,240 --> 00:34:10,479 Grandad, sometimes, but he's hardly around. 565 00:34:10,480 --> 00:34:12,759 - What about your dad? - He's never around either. 566 00:34:13,760 --> 00:34:16,519 Sorry, I have to stop you there. I must take this. 567 00:34:16,520 --> 00:34:17,487 Reynholm. 568 00:34:18,520 --> 00:34:21,439 What? Well, increase the bid. 569 00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:23,479 I don't care what I said the ceiling was. 570 00:34:23,480 --> 00:34:26,131 I want that artwork by Madonna. 571 00:34:27,560 --> 00:34:31,159 No, 22 million is the minimum, but I'm happy to go to 50. 572 00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:34,369 In fact, make 50 the new minimum. Yes, yes. 573 00:34:36,040 --> 00:34:41,206 I can't talk right now. I'm doing 'Secret Millionaire'. 574 00:34:43,400 --> 00:34:45,119 That's very sad. 575 00:34:45,120 --> 00:34:48,079 Do you want to shut up? We're filming 'Secret Millionaire'. 576 00:34:48,080 --> 00:34:50,082 Check your privilege. 577 00:34:51,800 --> 00:34:53,279 How am I finding it so far? 578 00:34:53,280 --> 00:34:55,279 To be honest with you, it's not as God-awful 579 00:34:55,280 --> 00:34:56,759 as I thought it would be. 580 00:34:56,760 --> 00:34:59,279 The people have been terribly nice, actually quite clean. 581 00:34:59,280 --> 00:35:02,799 And I have been invited to a party this evening. 582 00:35:02,800 --> 00:35:04,639 The last party I ever went to 583 00:35:04,640 --> 00:35:07,479 was when EIton John's dog had a baby. 584 00:35:12,200 --> 00:35:13,799 I tell a lie. 585 00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:16,559 The last party I went to was when Conrad Black got arrested. 586 00:35:16,560 --> 00:35:18,199 Conrad Black, who's that? 587 00:35:18,200 --> 00:35:21,599 Oh, no-one, just an old friend. Let's get in there! 588 00:35:21,600 --> 00:35:23,045 Yeah, sure. 589 00:35:29,080 --> 00:35:32,559 So I thought with 'Game Board's increased viewership, 590 00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:35,719 perhaps it would be a good place to put my side of the story 591 00:35:35,720 --> 00:35:37,519 and show the world 592 00:35:37,520 --> 00:35:39,359 I'm not the monster I'm currently supposed to be. 593 00:35:39,360 --> 00:35:42,759 - Boo! Boo! - Could you not boo me, please? 594 00:35:42,760 --> 00:35:44,808 And that is a horrible T-shirt. 595 00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:48,839 So the question everyone's asking - 596 00:35:48,840 --> 00:35:50,519 Jen Barber, do you hate women? 597 00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:52,439 Oh. 598 00:35:52,440 --> 00:35:54,839 - Thank you, Jen Barber. - No... 599 00:35:54,840 --> 00:35:56,919 Coming up, what was it like 600 00:35:56,920 --> 00:35:58,879 to be a 14th-century grain merchant? 601 00:35:58,880 --> 00:36:01,119 - I don't know if that was clear. - Sorry, it's these trousers. 602 00:36:01,120 --> 00:36:03,199 They make me want to move onto the next item. 603 00:36:03,200 --> 00:36:05,799 It's better broadcasting, and the slacks know it! 604 00:36:05,800 --> 00:36:08,039 - Coming up... - Stop saying "coming up". 605 00:36:08,040 --> 00:36:09,804 I don't know if I made my point! 606 00:36:11,000 --> 00:36:12,959 Oh, gosh! 607 00:36:12,960 --> 00:36:14,399 Oh! 608 00:36:14,400 --> 00:36:15,925 Oh, gosh. 609 00:36:16,960 --> 00:36:19,319 Richmond, do you work here or not? 610 00:36:19,320 --> 00:36:22,679 I don't get paid, but I like to come in. 611 00:36:22,680 --> 00:36:24,759 So that Goth 2 Boss thing didn't work out? 612 00:36:24,760 --> 00:36:27,445 Does it look like it worked out? 613 00:36:28,480 --> 00:36:30,999 Anyway, how have you guys been? 614 00:36:31,000 --> 00:36:33,439 Everyone thinks I'm a misogynist, 615 00:36:33,440 --> 00:36:36,039 Roy lost his girlfriend because he's emotionally colourblind 616 00:36:36,040 --> 00:36:39,519 and Moss is wearing trousers that make him good at telly. 617 00:36:39,520 --> 00:36:41,439 Any gossip? 618 00:36:41,440 --> 00:36:43,719 So, what's going on with you? 619 00:36:43,720 --> 00:36:46,166 Oh, you know, keeping busy. Voice-over work mainly. 620 00:36:47,960 --> 00:36:49,639 Really? How did that happen? 621 00:36:49,640 --> 00:36:52,007 Someone just noticed I had a beautiful voice. 622 00:36:57,040 --> 00:37:00,279 Oh, Richmond. Things aren't going well at all. 623 00:37:00,280 --> 00:37:02,519 Just get in there. 624 00:37:02,520 --> 00:37:04,959 It's just not the same when you guys aren't together. 625 00:37:04,960 --> 00:37:07,042 Anyway, if you want me, you know where I am. 626 00:37:09,520 --> 00:37:12,888 I don't, though, Richmond. Don't lurk! 627 00:37:13,920 --> 00:37:16,239 Where did he go? 628 00:37:16,240 --> 00:37:18,641 Where did who go? 629 00:37:23,160 --> 00:37:26,199 Does it ever seem to you that the things that happen to us 630 00:37:26,200 --> 00:37:30,079 are sort of...strange? 631 00:37:30,080 --> 00:37:32,199 How so, Roy? 632 00:37:32,200 --> 00:37:37,200 Well, remember when I had to pretend to be disabled 633 00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:39,319 and I ended up in Manchester? 634 00:37:39,320 --> 00:37:42,599 That wasn't a normal thing to happen, was it? 635 00:37:42,600 --> 00:37:46,039 Or when you ended up spending the night 636 00:37:46,040 --> 00:37:47,879 in that arcade machine. 637 00:37:47,880 --> 00:37:49,359 That was odd. 638 00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:53,119 I suppose those were unusual events. 639 00:37:53,120 --> 00:37:54,919 And this is strange. 640 00:37:54,920 --> 00:37:57,679 What's happening to us right now is strange, isn't it? 641 00:37:57,680 --> 00:38:00,039 Well, at least it'll all be over soon. 642 00:38:00,040 --> 00:38:03,079 Douglas is bound to fire us when he gets back. 643 00:38:03,080 --> 00:38:05,799 Come on, guys, this isn't us. 644 00:38:05,800 --> 00:38:08,039 Are we just going to sit here and take it? 645 00:38:08,040 --> 00:38:10,479 What do we normally do when we get into a scrape? 646 00:38:10,480 --> 00:38:12,919 We normally make things worse and worse and then it ends. 647 00:38:12,920 --> 00:38:14,919 - No, we stick together. - That doesn't sound like us. 648 00:38:14,920 --> 00:38:16,719 Don't know where you're getting that from. 649 00:38:16,720 --> 00:38:19,679 Who are we? Who are we? I want to hear you say it! 650 00:38:19,680 --> 00:38:22,839 - We're the IT... - We're the IT Department. 651 00:38:22,840 --> 00:38:25,719 You're goddamn right we are! 652 00:38:25,720 --> 00:38:28,119 - Are those women's slacks? - Yes. 653 00:38:28,120 --> 00:38:30,088 This is exactly what I'm talking about. 654 00:38:36,320 --> 00:38:38,439 Let's get into a car and cruise around. 655 00:38:38,440 --> 00:38:42,331 How do we get into a car? Smash a window. Great idea! 656 00:38:44,480 --> 00:38:46,159 That's the one! 657 00:38:46,160 --> 00:38:50,245 I'm such an idiot. I've got a robot hand! 658 00:38:54,720 --> 00:38:57,087 Hang on a second. This is my car! 659 00:39:19,440 --> 00:39:22,279 Oh, shit. Whoa. It's alright, everyone, be cool. 660 00:39:22,280 --> 00:39:24,248 I'll handle this. Take that. 661 00:39:38,680 --> 00:39:42,287 It's alright, officer, I'm doing 'Secret Millionaire'. 662 00:39:44,760 --> 00:39:48,079 Come on, come on, come on, people. What's going on? 663 00:39:48,080 --> 00:39:49,879 Come on, come on, come on, people. 664 00:39:49,880 --> 00:39:51,679 How long has he been wearing the trousers? 665 00:39:51,680 --> 00:39:54,159 - He won't take them off. - OK, come on, come on, come on. 666 00:39:54,160 --> 00:39:55,959 What's going on? 667 00:39:55,960 --> 00:39:57,759 We don't know what's happening. 668 00:39:57,760 --> 00:40:00,959 To every problem there's a solution. What's our problem? 669 00:40:00,960 --> 00:40:03,879 Everyone thinks I'm a cow who hates women. 670 00:40:03,880 --> 00:40:06,239 You're a cow, that's right. 671 00:40:06,240 --> 00:40:10,879 A terrible cow. Women, OK. Roy, hurt me. 672 00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:13,959 The woman I love thinks that I hate small people. 673 00:40:13,960 --> 00:40:15,959 Small people. Thank you, Roy. 674 00:40:15,960 --> 00:40:18,919 I'll probably die alone in front of computer pornography. 675 00:40:18,920 --> 00:40:20,490 I'll just draw a sad face. 676 00:40:25,800 --> 00:40:30,800 OK, so what do women and small people both like? 677 00:40:31,200 --> 00:40:33,079 What do they both like? 678 00:40:33,080 --> 00:40:36,039 - Chairs. - Films. 679 00:40:36,040 --> 00:40:38,679 I really don't know. 680 00:40:38,680 --> 00:40:40,239 I'll tell you. 681 00:40:40,240 --> 00:40:42,319 It's just they seem like very different groups. 682 00:40:42,320 --> 00:40:44,368 Not being attacked. 683 00:40:48,920 --> 00:40:52,959 They both love not being attacked. 684 00:40:52,960 --> 00:40:55,799 Well, I can't speak for small people, obviously, 685 00:40:55,800 --> 00:40:59,159 but as a woman, I certainly like not being attacked. 686 00:40:59,160 --> 00:41:01,159 Where are you going with this, Moss? 687 00:41:01,160 --> 00:41:03,839 I'll tell you exactly where I'm going with this, Roy. 688 00:41:03,840 --> 00:41:06,279 I'm saying we use this brief window, while Douglas is away, 689 00:41:06,280 --> 00:41:09,319 to produce a pepper spray solution for small women 690 00:41:09,320 --> 00:41:11,639 using that stuff I gave Roy earlier. 691 00:41:11,640 --> 00:41:13,479 That sounds really weird. 692 00:41:13,480 --> 00:41:15,799 Jen Barber, not a hater of women, 693 00:41:15,800 --> 00:41:18,159 but their defender, their champion. 694 00:41:18,160 --> 00:41:19,959 I love it now! 695 00:41:19,960 --> 00:41:22,959 And I can do a massive presentation. 696 00:41:22,960 --> 00:41:25,879 A self-defence pepper spray for small women 697 00:41:25,880 --> 00:41:27,719 suits my purposes also! 698 00:41:27,720 --> 00:41:30,319 It will show Alice that I care 699 00:41:30,320 --> 00:41:32,879 and, as a woman with small relatives, 700 00:41:32,880 --> 00:41:35,439 she's sure to come to Jen's presentation. 701 00:41:35,440 --> 00:41:37,839 You know, when I first stocked that mini-fridge 702 00:41:37,840 --> 00:41:39,639 with pepper spray solution, 703 00:41:39,640 --> 00:41:44,079 I thought I'd made too much, but only now do I realise 704 00:41:44,080 --> 00:41:47,801 that I'd made exactly the right amount for our current purposes. 705 00:41:49,840 --> 00:41:52,799 It almost seems like it's too good an idea. 706 00:41:52,800 --> 00:41:55,839 You see what we can do when we work together? 707 00:41:55,840 --> 00:41:57,679 With my business acumen... 708 00:41:57,680 --> 00:42:00,206 - My scientific know-how... - And I'm also here. 709 00:42:02,680 --> 00:42:07,479 - We can do anything! - Yeah! 710 00:42:07,480 --> 00:42:09,244 I need a trouser break. 711 00:42:17,400 --> 00:42:19,199 You coming, Roy? 712 00:42:19,200 --> 00:42:22,759 I can't seem to get the wording of this speech to Alice right. 713 00:42:22,760 --> 00:42:24,559 - You're doing a speech? - Yeah. 714 00:42:24,560 --> 00:42:27,159 I need to show her that I'm not emotionally colourblind. 715 00:42:27,160 --> 00:42:30,439 I'm a very sensitive human man, and she needs to know that. 716 00:42:30,440 --> 00:42:34,445 Oooh, what's a more romantic word for 'knockers'? 717 00:42:35,640 --> 00:42:38,359 A more romantic word? 718 00:42:38,360 --> 00:42:40,519 Come on, guys. Let's protect women. 719 00:42:40,520 --> 00:42:42,319 - I'll meet you up there. - Good luck. 720 00:42:42,320 --> 00:42:43,651 Thanks. 721 00:42:45,120 --> 00:42:47,599 'Eartha Kitts'! 722 00:42:47,600 --> 00:42:50,239 Right, is everything ready? 723 00:42:50,240 --> 00:42:52,039 Yeah, well, I've got the posters up 724 00:42:52,040 --> 00:42:54,599 and I've put gift bags with pepper spray beside each chair. 725 00:42:54,600 --> 00:42:56,319 Now, I think it was a masterstroke 726 00:42:56,320 --> 00:42:58,319 to put the spray in these elegant bottles. 727 00:42:58,320 --> 00:43:00,519 Why not look stylish while you defend yourself? 728 00:43:00,520 --> 00:43:02,479 Something's bothering me, though. 729 00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:04,359 Are we missing something 730 00:43:04,360 --> 00:43:07,039 that's very obviously wrong with this idea? 731 00:43:07,040 --> 00:43:10,079 I really don't think so. Oh, look, here comes everyone. 732 00:43:10,080 --> 00:43:12,242 Perfect! 733 00:43:13,840 --> 00:43:18,439 Hello and welcome to this very special presentation 734 00:43:18,440 --> 00:43:22,399 for women by a woman, me, a woman, who loves women. 735 00:43:22,400 --> 00:43:26,199 By your seats you'll find a gift bag, and in that gift bag 736 00:43:26,200 --> 00:43:28,759 you'll find our very exciting new product. 737 00:43:28,760 --> 00:43:31,206 - No, don't do that. 738 00:43:32,960 --> 00:43:35,999 - No, you're not supposed to... 739 00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:39,919 Alice! Yes! I have some things I have to say to you! 740 00:43:39,920 --> 00:43:43,079 - No, I need to go! - No, you are going nowhere. 741 00:43:43,080 --> 00:43:47,199 Now, I know in the past that you have accused me 742 00:43:47,200 --> 00:43:49,119 of being emotionally colourblind. 743 00:43:49,120 --> 00:43:51,999 - Arggh! - Shut up and listen. 744 00:43:52,000 --> 00:43:54,685 But now I've changed. My sight is perfect. 745 00:43:56,000 --> 00:43:58,079 Now I know what was wrong with the idea. 746 00:43:58,080 --> 00:44:02,599 And with your sweet lips and of course your lovely bangers, 747 00:44:02,600 --> 00:44:04,799 I know you're the one for me. 748 00:44:04,800 --> 00:44:08,759 - I'm in terrible pain! - Me too, Alice, me too! 749 00:44:08,760 --> 00:44:11,439 But that ends now. It ends now. 750 00:44:19,120 --> 00:44:20,884 That could not have gone better! 751 00:44:21,920 --> 00:44:25,319 No, no, Roy, that didn't go well at all. 752 00:44:25,320 --> 00:44:27,846 Oh, right, because we're going to lose our jobs. 753 00:44:29,040 --> 00:44:32,039 - Arrgh! 754 00:44:32,040 --> 00:44:34,519 Mr Reynholm! 755 00:44:34,520 --> 00:44:37,319 So that's the thing - I gave the boy the can of lager, 756 00:44:37,320 --> 00:44:39,799 so technically I'm guilty of corrupting a minor. 757 00:44:39,800 --> 00:44:41,999 So it's the reason why I bought the tramp uniform, 758 00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:45,079 and I've had to make myself scarce. 759 00:44:45,080 --> 00:44:47,359 So you need somewhere to hide out? 760 00:44:47,360 --> 00:44:49,439 Yeah, somewhere off-piste. 761 00:44:49,440 --> 00:44:52,239 - Where no-one will find you. - Bottom of the world. 762 00:44:52,240 --> 00:44:54,159 You can use our office if you like. 763 00:44:54,160 --> 00:44:55,479 Whoa! 764 00:44:55,480 --> 00:44:57,559 Well, I'll need someone to take care of business upstairs. 765 00:44:57,560 --> 00:44:59,759 We're not doing anything. 766 00:44:59,760 --> 00:45:01,399 Well, this is perfect. 767 00:45:01,400 --> 00:45:04,882 My wonderful assistant, Joan, and her two friends... Ross. 768 00:45:06,120 --> 00:45:08,279 I'm going to go and piss around on the internet, 769 00:45:08,280 --> 00:45:10,719 but actually, I'll need some food. 770 00:45:10,720 --> 00:45:12,927 I've already eaten one of the toys in here. 771 00:45:14,840 --> 00:45:17,119 Did he just say what I think he said? 772 00:45:17,120 --> 00:45:19,999 I wasn't really listening. 773 00:45:20,000 --> 00:45:24,919 Is this... Is what's happening good now? 774 00:45:24,920 --> 00:45:27,639 - Is this good? - Yes, it's a very good outcome. 775 00:45:27,640 --> 00:45:30,839 Oh, my God! I think we've come out on top. I can't believe it. 776 00:45:30,840 --> 00:45:32,639 We've come out on top. 777 00:45:32,640 --> 00:45:34,479 Jen Barber. 778 00:45:34,480 --> 00:45:37,879 - Oh, I forgot about you. - Oh, God, that's impressive. 779 00:45:37,880 --> 00:45:41,248 They're actually watching us. Hey, mate, am I in Anonymous? 780 00:45:42,280 --> 00:45:44,559 Silence, Small Person Racist. 781 00:45:44,560 --> 00:45:48,159 Greetings, Jen Barber. This is your sentence. 782 00:45:48,160 --> 00:45:51,439 You've been found guilty of the most appalling lack 783 00:45:51,440 --> 00:45:53,639 of basic human kindness and decency. 784 00:45:53,640 --> 00:45:57,159 -- Come in. 785 00:45:57,160 --> 00:45:58,999 Shush, you! 786 00:45:59,000 --> 00:46:01,759 - Peter, what are you doing? - Shut up! 787 00:46:01,760 --> 00:46:04,919 - You've been in here for hours. - I'm doing something. Go away! 788 00:46:04,920 --> 00:46:06,919 Peter, your mother and I are worried about you. 789 00:46:06,920 --> 00:46:08,719 You're in my room! Get out! 790 00:46:08,720 --> 00:46:11,399 It's a beautiful day. You should get off this computer. 791 00:46:11,400 --> 00:46:12,999 No, I'm not! 792 00:46:13,000 --> 00:46:14,879 Who is this? Are these your friends? 793 00:46:14,880 --> 00:46:18,079 I'm sorry, Peter can't play anymore. He's coming outside. 794 00:46:18,080 --> 00:46:20,799 You said I could stay here for as long as I wanted. 795 00:46:20,800 --> 00:46:22,639 We said that you had to come out. 796 00:46:22,640 --> 00:46:24,439 You said I could use the computer 797 00:46:24,440 --> 00:46:26,159 for two hours every day 798 00:46:26,160 --> 00:46:28,679 as long as I ate my dinner and did my homework. 799 00:46:28,680 --> 00:46:32,239 I have! What are you doing taking it away from me? 800 00:46:32,240 --> 00:46:35,439 I have earned my right. I know my rights, Mum and Dad. 801 00:46:35,440 --> 00:46:38,444 No! No! 802 00:46:39,760 --> 00:46:42,119 This internet's not working. I can't connect. 803 00:46:42,120 --> 00:46:45,119 Just try turning it off and on again. 804 00:46:45,120 --> 00:46:47,009 Thanks, Ross. 805 00:47:07,360 --> 00:47:09,759 Reynholm Industries is changing. 806 00:47:09,760 --> 00:47:13,759 New opportunities, new faces, a new direction. 807 00:47:13,760 --> 00:47:16,047 A better workplace environment. 808 00:47:17,080 --> 00:47:18,844 Exciting new products. 809 00:47:21,360 --> 00:47:23,279 An inclusive hiring policy. 810 00:47:23,280 --> 00:47:25,399 I am sounding happy. 811 00:47:25,400 --> 00:47:28,119 - Can you be a bit more... - This is me being happy. 812 00:47:28,120 --> 00:47:31,439 - Just be a bit more... - I'm being up-beat. 813 00:47:31,440 --> 00:47:35,126 No, I just want you to speak... Ah, forget it, let's just stop.