1 00:00:00,194 --> 00:00:09,966 Synchro: Anyone Sixe Guilamu Transcript: Anyone Suggestions critics insults: itcrowdsub@gmail.com www.forom.com 2 00:00:30,291 --> 00:00:34,436 The IT Crowd - 1x02 - Calamity Jen 3 00:00:48,601 --> 00:00:51,692 Has this... ever happened to you? 4 00:01:05,376 --> 00:01:10,129 From today, dialling 999 won't get you the emergency services. 5 00:01:10,239 --> 00:01:12,592 And that's not the only thing that's changing. 6 00:01:13,217 --> 00:01:15,851 Nicer ambulances, faster response times, 7 00:01:15,865 --> 00:01:17,505 and better looking drivers 8 00:01:17,522 --> 00:01:19,754 mean they're not just the emergency services, 9 00:01:19,785 --> 00:01:22,494 they're "your" emergency services. So... 10 00:01:22,558 --> 00:01:24,273 Remember the new number: 11 00:01:36,031 --> 00:01:37,636 That's... 12 00:01:48,412 --> 00:01:52,737 Hello? I've had a bit of a tumble... 13 00:01:52,916 --> 00:01:54,865 Well that's easy to remember! 14 00:01:54,961 --> 00:02:03,616 0118 999 881 999 119 725... 15 00:02:03,699 --> 00:02:04,598 ...3! 16 00:02:05,369 --> 00:02:07,490 I don't know why they just couldn't keep it as it was! 17 00:02:07,536 --> 00:02:09,640 How hard is it to remember 911? 18 00:02:09,675 --> 00:02:11,233 - You mean 999... - I mean 999! 19 00:02:11,260 --> 00:02:13,127 - That's the American one! - Yeah! 20 00:02:13,198 --> 00:02:15,941 - You berk! - Come on, are you ready? 21 00:02:16,897 --> 00:02:18,536 I don't know what to say really it's fun... 22 00:02:18,559 --> 00:02:20,289 there are some many issues in the world, 23 00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:21,711 They are beautiful, I love them... 24 00:02:21,722 --> 00:02:24,264 in fact they're the most beautiful shoes I've ever seen but... 25 00:02:24,298 --> 00:02:26,102 you know, I can't have everything that I love, 26 00:02:26,124 --> 00:02:28,469 otherwise I'd own lots of things, and actually they're red, 27 00:02:28,528 --> 00:02:31,630 which is quite tarty, and they don't necessarily go with any of my outfits... 28 00:02:31,970 --> 00:02:33,981 Come on you crazy bitch! 29 00:02:34,072 --> 00:02:34,874 Come on! 30 00:02:35,938 --> 00:02:36,906 Come on! 31 00:02:37,068 --> 00:02:39,251 - Denholm's called the general. - Oh God, another one! 32 00:02:39,269 --> 00:02:39,840 Yeah! 33 00:02:40,270 --> 00:02:42,616 I bet he declares war on something! 34 00:02:43,076 --> 00:02:45,005 He loves declaring war! 35 00:02:46,168 --> 00:02:47,695 I am declaring... 36 00:02:47,781 --> 00:02:48,853 WAR! 37 00:02:52,482 --> 00:02:54,504 I can see that got your attention. 38 00:02:56,862 --> 00:02:58,547 What am I declaring war on? 39 00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:00,269 My bollocks?! 40 00:03:01,414 --> 00:03:02,883 Stress! 41 00:03:04,124 --> 00:03:07,808 Stress is a disease, people, and I am a cure! 42 00:03:08,210 --> 00:03:09,852 I'm a doctor with a cure. 43 00:03:10,024 --> 00:03:12,444 No, no! I'm a General! And it's still a war! 44 00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:14,225 A war on disease! 45 00:03:14,226 --> 00:03:15,303 Stress! 46 00:03:16,786 --> 00:03:18,319 There's too much stress around here. 47 00:03:18,527 --> 00:03:20,436 They're very expensive and besides, 48 00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:23,044 the woman in the shop said they were way too small for me. 49 00:03:23,057 --> 00:03:25,214 - You see you know, be practical, go on! - In the time... 50 00:03:25,269 --> 00:03:26,496 I've been speaking, 51 00:03:26,497 --> 00:03:29,671 over 18 million people have died of stress. 52 00:03:34,517 --> 00:03:35,609 That's another one. 53 00:03:36,553 --> 00:03:37,683 That's another one. 54 00:03:38,319 --> 00:03:39,230 More... 55 00:03:40,411 --> 00:03:41,458 Mayhem! 56 00:03:41,829 --> 00:03:43,044 We gotta deal with it! 57 00:03:49,014 --> 00:03:50,709 - Are you ready to deal with it?! - Yeah! 58 00:03:50,775 --> 00:03:52,379 Say: "I hate stress!" 59 00:03:52,396 --> 00:03:53,529 - I hate stress! - No! 60 00:03:53,648 --> 00:03:54,987 You didn't let me finish. 61 00:03:55,203 --> 00:03:56,715 Say: "I hate stress..." 62 00:03:56,845 --> 00:03:59,367 and I want to limitate its influence in my life, 63 00:03:59,561 --> 00:04:01,656 what can I do about it? Anyone? 64 00:04:02,986 --> 00:04:03,981 Have a bath? 65 00:04:05,044 --> 00:04:06,442 Have a bath?! 66 00:04:06,675 --> 00:04:07,850 Get a bike! 67 00:04:08,421 --> 00:04:10,603 I cycle to work... everyday! 68 00:04:10,666 --> 00:04:11,967 70 miles! 69 00:04:12,100 --> 00:04:14,046 Both here, and here... 70 00:04:14,269 --> 00:04:16,366 are as red as a fire engine! 71 00:04:17,349 --> 00:04:18,441 Any other ideas? 72 00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:21,248 Jen, what about you? 73 00:04:21,306 --> 00:04:22,218 Shoes! 74 00:04:22,508 --> 00:04:24,306 - What? - Shoes! 75 00:04:24,776 --> 00:04:26,379 Well, shoes... 76 00:04:27,487 --> 00:04:28,719 Ok, look! 77 00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:31,466 I have invited Dr. Julian Holmes 78 00:04:31,488 --> 00:04:33,083 to come and give a class at lunchtime. 79 00:04:33,101 --> 00:04:35,117 He is Europe's leading stress expert. 80 00:04:35,284 --> 00:04:37,391 They call him:" Stressperts!" 81 00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:39,189 Anyone interested in coming along picking up 82 00:04:39,230 --> 00:04:40,689 a few tips on how to manage stress? 83 00:04:43,904 --> 00:04:45,459 There's a free buffet... 84 00:04:49,106 --> 00:04:49,900 Good! 85 00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:51,680 Good people. 86 00:04:51,933 --> 00:04:53,367 Oh! By the way! 87 00:04:53,494 --> 00:04:55,899 Anyone still experiencing stress at the end of the day... 88 00:04:56,707 --> 00:04:59,527 will be fired! 89 00:05:00,197 --> 00:05:01,362 It's not going on! 90 00:05:01,415 --> 00:05:03,738 Yeah, I think it is so. Just down angle it a bit more. 91 00:05:03,767 --> 00:05:05,511 Are you sure you're a 5? 92 00:05:05,563 --> 00:05:07,610 - I'm not a liar. - Yeah, but I mean I can't... 93 00:05:09,174 --> 00:05:09,839 Just... just... 94 00:05:09,924 --> 00:05:11,948 I can feel the heel going into the shoe. 95 00:05:11,961 --> 00:05:13,045 Just down angle a bit more... 96 00:05:13,062 --> 00:05:14,489 There is no angle, but I could... 97 00:05:14,510 --> 00:05:15,722 Don't let me push you away! 98 00:05:15,736 --> 00:05:17,438 Just lean in with the shoe. Lean in... 99 00:05:17,573 --> 00:05:18,727 with the shoe! 100 00:05:18,820 --> 00:05:19,524 Lean in! 101 00:05:31,413 --> 00:05:33,405 We've been here... for half an hour. 102 00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:35,276 The shoes aren't going on! 103 00:05:35,290 --> 00:05:37,352 They're two sizes too small. 104 00:05:37,485 --> 00:05:38,980 And even if they did go on, 105 00:05:39,096 --> 00:05:40,271 they would cripple you. 106 00:05:40,579 --> 00:05:42,324 You don't want that, do you? 107 00:06:00,161 --> 00:06:02,726 I myself, have been subject to some... 108 00:06:03,064 --> 00:06:06,169 terrible rages, but... Yes? 109 00:06:06,608 --> 00:06:09,978 - I'm sorry. Is this the stress class? - Oh yeah. Come on in. 110 00:06:10,241 --> 00:06:11,222 Thank you. 111 00:06:12,728 --> 00:06:14,161 Moss! 112 00:06:14,533 --> 00:06:18,988 This is in here! Moss! 113 00:06:23,593 --> 00:06:25,435 Just come in. 114 00:06:55,271 --> 00:06:56,418 Thank you. 115 00:07:11,774 --> 00:07:12,316 Ok. 116 00:07:15,450 --> 00:07:16,401 Are you all right? 117 00:07:18,893 --> 00:07:20,621 As I was saying... 118 00:07:20,811 --> 00:07:23,490 I myself have been subject to some terrible rages. 119 00:07:23,768 --> 00:07:25,067 Where I've... 120 00:07:25,164 --> 00:07:27,621 snapped at my wife, or spoken harshly 121 00:07:27,869 --> 00:07:30,192 to a work colleague, because of stress. 122 00:07:30,330 --> 00:07:34,305 If I... just... thinking about it now, I realise I'm... 123 00:07:34,388 --> 00:07:35,425 raising my voice. 124 00:07:35,881 --> 00:07:37,208 I'm sorry. 125 00:07:39,530 --> 00:07:42,158 Stress is the main cause of heart attacks. 126 00:07:42,307 --> 00:07:45,277 And even a little bit... well... 127 00:07:46,484 --> 00:07:48,706 Let me show you what stress can do. 128 00:07:53,571 --> 00:07:55,466 I'm gonna need a volunteer. 129 00:07:56,503 --> 00:07:57,778 Yes. Come on up. 130 00:08:01,385 --> 00:08:04,364 That's fine. Can I have your left hand there? The back? 131 00:08:04,434 --> 00:08:06,018 And just relax there. 132 00:08:06,249 --> 00:08:08,986 I'm gonna ask you a very personal question. 133 00:08:10,410 --> 00:08:11,471 There we are, you see? 134 00:08:11,813 --> 00:08:13,534 Sorry, I'm not gonna ask you anything at all. 135 00:08:13,542 --> 00:08:15,740 That's just to show how little is needed 136 00:08:15,758 --> 00:08:17,890 to send downstress levels shooting up. 137 00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:19,360 Just a simple statement like that 138 00:08:19,372 --> 00:08:21,346 is registered very strongly on the display. 139 00:08:21,376 --> 00:08:22,815 - Yes, another volunteer? - Yeah. 140 00:08:22,992 --> 00:08:23,531 Ok. 141 00:08:23,612 --> 00:08:24,772 I'll have... just this off. 142 00:08:27,151 --> 00:08:29,639 Ah! There it goes! Yes, raise up! 143 00:08:29,687 --> 00:08:31,588 Look at that! Brilliant! 144 00:08:31,711 --> 00:08:35,136 Brilliant, excellent! It's a super machine! 145 00:08:42,202 --> 00:08:43,827 Wow, great shoes! 146 00:08:43,926 --> 00:08:44,995 Thank you very much. 147 00:08:46,310 --> 00:08:48,477 I really envy women with dainty feet. 148 00:08:48,588 --> 00:08:49,948 What are you? A five? 149 00:08:50,409 --> 00:08:52,763 Yeah! Five... 150 00:08:55,873 --> 00:09:00,025 Well, just a little misunderstanding there I imagine. So... 151 00:09:00,216 --> 00:09:02,014 - Huh let's move on... with... - Wow! 152 00:09:02,257 --> 00:09:04,796 I actually haven't had a proper go yet. 153 00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:07,426 Well, I don't need attach... can't, what's happened there... 154 00:09:07,479 --> 00:09:09,196 Actually, I don't think that's fair... 155 00:09:09,210 --> 00:09:10,394 I would like a go, and I think 156 00:09:10,505 --> 00:09:13,038 Roy should be punished for nearly killing that lady. 157 00:09:13,093 --> 00:09:15,042 Well, I think I should go first! 158 00:09:15,049 --> 00:09:16,110 I see, well let's move on... 159 00:09:16,124 --> 00:09:17,851 - When did you grow a bit? - A little go. 160 00:09:17,878 --> 00:09:19,820 - We gotta move on... - And I think we could... 161 00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:21,096 Can we just move on? 162 00:09:21,136 --> 00:09:23,114 You're old ? Are you very old? 163 00:09:23,133 --> 00:09:24,216 Let's move on! 164 00:09:25,930 --> 00:09:27,296 Oh! Shut up! 165 00:09:31,517 --> 00:09:32,589 What are you eating? 166 00:09:32,831 --> 00:09:33,850 Muffin. 167 00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:35,751 A muffin? How can you be hungry, 168 00:09:35,779 --> 00:09:37,834 you ate a whole chicken at the stress buffet! 169 00:09:39,225 --> 00:09:40,027 What's that? 170 00:09:40,331 --> 00:09:42,015 Oh, I've made a stress machine 171 00:09:42,043 --> 00:09:44,641 to try out for myself, like the one in that class. 172 00:09:44,825 --> 00:09:45,738 Watch this. 173 00:09:46,605 --> 00:09:49,686 I'm going to ask myself a very personal question. 174 00:09:52,737 --> 00:09:56,262 Don't worry, I'm not really going to ask myself any questions. 175 00:09:57,802 --> 00:09:59,026 Pretty good. 176 00:09:59,111 --> 00:10:01,947 Not as good as the one in the stress class. 177 00:10:22,913 --> 00:10:24,469 The shoes! 178 00:10:26,612 --> 00:10:28,029 What was all that about? 179 00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:30,897 Well, like all the women, she's shoe mad! 180 00:10:30,936 --> 00:10:32,457 It's a bit sexist, isn't it? 181 00:10:32,629 --> 00:10:35,032 Do you know one woman who isn't obsessed with shoes? 182 00:10:35,118 --> 00:10:37,053 No, but I only know one woman. 183 00:10:37,226 --> 00:10:40,381 And she just left the room shouting: "the shoes!". 184 00:11:01,757 --> 00:11:04,439 The needle's freaking out! 185 00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:10,260 Try not to hurt yourself! 186 00:11:14,268 --> 00:11:15,975 - Moss? - Huh? 187 00:11:16,201 --> 00:11:19,182 Did you use a soldering iron to make that stress machine? 188 00:11:19,226 --> 00:11:19,962 Yes. 189 00:11:20,332 --> 00:11:21,536 You turned it off? 190 00:11:21,626 --> 00:11:23,804 Oh I'm fairly sure I did! 191 00:11:25,798 --> 00:11:29,128 Because, you remember what happened last time, right? 192 00:11:29,196 --> 00:11:31,032 Yes! That was very funny! 193 00:11:31,049 --> 00:11:32,363 Well no! No. 194 00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:36,141 It was very dangerous and someone nearly died! 195 00:11:37,002 --> 00:11:38,304 Right! No! Yeah! 196 00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:41,227 I was thinking of a different incident. The one on the golf course. 197 00:11:41,616 --> 00:11:42,605 What? 198 00:11:43,382 --> 00:11:45,428 I'm talking about the fire! 199 00:11:45,492 --> 00:11:49,230 Oh yeah, fire sorry! I always get mixed up between golf and fire. 200 00:11:49,991 --> 00:11:52,315 - Just make sure it's off! - It is off. 201 00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:53,260 I think. 202 00:11:53,772 --> 00:11:56,477 - Well just make sure it is. - I will make sure it is. 203 00:11:57,330 --> 00:11:58,945 And if it's already off... 204 00:12:02,272 --> 00:12:04,195 I'll just walk away! 205 00:12:06,948 --> 00:12:11,410 Will he get off my back! What is he? The soldering iron police? 206 00:12:14,075 --> 00:12:15,897 It's off... 207 00:12:16,062 --> 00:12:18,564 that means I turn it... on... 208 00:12:18,893 --> 00:12:20,882 and just walk away! 209 00:12:51,980 --> 00:12:54,154 Oh four! I mean five! 210 00:12:54,238 --> 00:12:55,423 I mean fire! 211 00:13:05,143 --> 00:13:07,535 Now let's see what we have here. 212 00:13:08,012 --> 00:13:10,192 "Stand upright." 213 00:13:11,639 --> 00:13:13,161 Now, I can't read it... 214 00:13:13,671 --> 00:13:14,826 Oh, not me! 215 00:13:14,997 --> 00:13:17,190 I am a giddy-goat! 216 00:13:18,696 --> 00:13:19,564 Okay. 217 00:13:19,831 --> 00:13:21,732 "Remove safety clip." 218 00:13:23,339 --> 00:13:25,692 - Don't look at my feet! - Fire? 219 00:13:26,167 --> 00:13:27,414 Fire... 220 00:13:28,233 --> 00:13:28,821 No...? 221 00:13:30,325 --> 00:13:33,132 "Aim nozzle at base of fire." 222 00:13:38,527 --> 00:13:40,681 Oh, that is typical! 223 00:13:42,425 --> 00:13:43,964 Why has it done that? 224 00:13:44,078 --> 00:13:46,089 "Made in Britain" 225 00:13:54,089 --> 00:13:56,654 I'll just put this over here, with the rest... 226 00:13:56,916 --> 00:13:58,294 of the fire. 227 00:14:04,997 --> 00:14:07,433 011 53... No. 228 00:14:07,641 --> 00:14:09,692 011 huh... 229 00:14:11,231 --> 00:14:14,116 0118 999... 230 00:14:17,033 --> 00:14:18,168 ...3! 231 00:14:19,383 --> 00:14:22,189 Hello? Is this the emergency services? 232 00:14:23,169 --> 00:14:25,122 Then which country am I speaking to? 233 00:14:25,427 --> 00:14:27,443 Hello? Hello? 234 00:14:29,367 --> 00:14:30,721 I know! Yep. 235 00:14:32,276 --> 00:14:33,240 O kay. 236 00:14:33,978 --> 00:14:35,414 "Subject:..." 237 00:14:35,619 --> 00:14:36,727 "...fire!" 238 00:14:36,912 --> 00:14:38,840 "Dear Sir", stroke, "Madam." 239 00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:41,049 "I'm writing to inform you of a fire 240 00:14:41,076 --> 00:14:43,089 "which has broken out at the premises of..." 241 00:14:43,178 --> 00:14:44,550 No. That's too formal. 242 00:14:48,886 --> 00:14:51,184 "Dear Sir", stroke, "Madam." 243 00:14:51,463 --> 00:14:53,777 "Fire!", exclamation mark. 244 00:14:54,072 --> 00:14:56,485 "Fire!", exclamation mark. 245 00:14:56,632 --> 00:14:59,136 "Help me!', exclamation mark. 246 00:14:59,265 --> 00:15:01,624 "123, Carendon road." 247 00:15:01,803 --> 00:15:04,111 "Looking forward to hearing from you." 248 00:15:04,383 --> 00:15:07,116 "All the best, Maurice Moss." 249 00:15:10,834 --> 00:15:15,075 What are you wearing size 5 shoes for, woman? You're at least an 8! 250 00:15:15,110 --> 00:15:15,942 Eight? 251 00:15:16,001 --> 00:15:17,204 How dare you?! 252 00:15:17,256 --> 00:15:19,961 That foot is completely mangled. 253 00:15:20,367 --> 00:15:22,418 And the other one's even worse. 254 00:15:22,624 --> 00:15:24,384 You're not wearing these again. 255 00:15:24,439 --> 00:15:26,724 But I threw away my other shoes, 256 00:15:26,980 --> 00:15:28,981 what am I supposed to wear? 257 00:15:40,729 --> 00:15:43,139 Hello! Hello! 258 00:15:43,293 --> 00:15:46,165 Do you remember me? Can I have a go in your machine now? 259 00:16:03,672 --> 00:16:06,051 - Oh hello again! - Oh hi! 260 00:16:10,814 --> 00:16:14,781 Please thank Yamamoto San for this fine ceremonial sword. 261 00:16:14,951 --> 00:16:17,693 It is a magnificent symbol of our new merger. 262 00:16:20,675 --> 00:16:22,234 I am sorry that my gift... 263 00:16:22,382 --> 00:16:24,187 a huge pair of Doc' Martins, 264 00:16:24,620 --> 00:16:26,998 is extremely thick and heavy sorts. 265 00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:29,354 It's so poultry in comparison. 266 00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:35,625 Please rest assured that my cultural advisor will be fired 267 00:16:35,669 --> 00:16:37,549 as soon as this meeting is over. 268 00:16:47,351 --> 00:16:49,374 - These are very heavy shoes. - Yes. 269 00:16:52,984 --> 00:16:54,892 He feels like... Godzilla! 270 00:16:55,744 --> 00:16:56,484 Does he? 271 00:16:56,520 --> 00:16:57,260 Godzilla! 272 00:16:57,294 --> 00:16:59,126 Go on! Stamp your feet! 273 00:16:59,224 --> 00:17:00,576 Clap him man! 274 00:17:00,668 --> 00:17:01,416 Good! 275 00:17:02,733 --> 00:17:04,241 Oh yeah! Godzilla loves it ! 276 00:17:04,283 --> 00:17:06,909 Go on! Break something! 277 00:17:10,538 --> 00:17:12,780 Put your weight into it! 278 00:17:14,731 --> 00:17:17,055 You f...... idiot!! 279 00:17:18,831 --> 00:17:20,314 You stupid old f....... 280 00:17:20,744 --> 00:17:22,375 You f....... J.......... 281 00:17:22,582 --> 00:17:25,314 and your big m.... shoes! 282 00:17:25,572 --> 00:17:30,585 Oh you're not! You're nothing! But I f... .... 283 00:17:56,444 --> 00:18:00,746 - I am... so... sorry, Denholm. - That was quite a tarring Jen. 284 00:18:01,388 --> 00:18:02,597 It would have been even worse 285 00:18:02,633 --> 00:18:05,201 if Paul hadn't been so quick on the profanity buzzer. 286 00:18:05,954 --> 00:18:06,952 Well done, Paul! 287 00:18:06,987 --> 00:18:08,731 You're back on the payroll. 288 00:18:09,189 --> 00:18:10,858 As for you... you're fucked up! 289 00:18:11,863 --> 00:18:13,781 Shouting at Japs! Mad feet! 290 00:18:13,890 --> 00:18:15,767 Both classic signs of stress! 291 00:18:15,825 --> 00:18:17,721 And you know how I feel about stress... 292 00:18:18,195 --> 00:18:20,249 Go to your office, and wait for me. 293 00:18:31,012 --> 00:18:34,300 Weirdest thing just happened... Fire! 294 00:18:34,601 --> 00:18:35,786 Fire! 295 00:18:35,924 --> 00:18:37,699 I've sent an e-mail. It's fine! 296 00:18:38,210 --> 00:18:40,465 An e-mail?! It's a fire! Where... 297 00:18:41,383 --> 00:18:43,344 Where is the precinct extinguisher ? 298 00:18:46,896 --> 00:18:50,992 - Made in Britain! - This is just like the golf incident! 299 00:18:51,060 --> 00:18:52,181 You mean the fire incident? 300 00:18:52,197 --> 00:18:54,492 I mean the fire incident! Of course I mean the fire incident! 301 00:18:54,516 --> 00:18:55,504 What have you got there? 302 00:18:55,538 --> 00:18:57,016 Oh I'm in trouble! I'm in real trouble! 303 00:18:57,044 --> 00:18:58,959 Help me get my shoes on! I gotta get my shoes on! 304 00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:00,747 Help me get my shoes on before Denholm comes! 305 00:19:00,775 --> 00:19:01,933 - Denholm's coming? - Yeah. 306 00:19:01,944 --> 00:19:03,681 And he's got a... fire! Fire! Fire! 307 00:19:04,587 --> 00:19:07,063 I've taken care of it. 308 00:19:07,077 --> 00:19:09,523 I have to say I feel a little bit insulted 309 00:19:09,541 --> 00:19:11,489 by the lack of faith you both display. 310 00:19:11,512 --> 00:19:13,176 What happened to your feet? 311 00:19:13,202 --> 00:19:13,993 What is this? 312 00:19:14,027 --> 00:19:15,637 I think a fire in the office 313 00:19:15,683 --> 00:19:18,292 demands a little more attention than my feet, don't you? 314 00:19:18,309 --> 00:19:20,356 How... how did you get the stress machine Roy? 315 00:19:20,444 --> 00:19:22,366 I... don't really know. 316 00:19:22,483 --> 00:19:25,432 Met Dr. Holmes by the lift. 317 00:19:25,509 --> 00:19:27,818 Wasn't he nice? I thought he was a lovely man. 318 00:19:27,843 --> 00:19:29,452 Yes I thought he was a delight. 319 00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:34,639 But I met him there by the lift, and he just went... mental! 320 00:19:35,652 --> 00:19:39,746 And one thing led to another and I just... stole it! 321 00:19:40,156 --> 00:19:42,455 - You stole it... - Yeah! 322 00:19:43,058 --> 00:19:44,775 But that's stealing! 323 00:19:45,596 --> 00:19:46,403 Yeah! 324 00:19:46,569 --> 00:19:49,624 Didn't know what a stress machine was this morning and now we have 2 of them. 325 00:19:49,682 --> 00:19:51,860 I hate to remind everyone but 326 00:19:51,982 --> 00:19:53,113 I've just destroyed a merger 327 00:19:53,114 --> 00:19:55,093 that probably took hundreds of years to set up, 328 00:19:55,189 --> 00:19:57,687 the office is on fire, Denholm is furious, so 329 00:19:57,715 --> 00:19:59,750 could we please concentrate on what's important, 330 00:19:59,930 --> 00:20:02,178 and help me out with my shoes! 331 00:20:02,278 --> 00:20:03,870 That could get you into trouble! 332 00:20:04,788 --> 00:20:05,894 Empty! 333 00:20:07,617 --> 00:20:08,944 Got a little bit there! 334 00:20:09,634 --> 00:20:12,050 Oh quick! No, no! Quick, no! 335 00:20:12,083 --> 00:20:13,714 These are a size 5... 336 00:20:13,849 --> 00:20:15,587 What are you, eight and a half? 337 00:20:15,651 --> 00:20:16,840 Shut up! 338 00:20:17,012 --> 00:20:18,562 - Come on! - I'm pushing! 339 00:20:18,599 --> 00:20:20,418 Push it! Oh don't let me push you away! 340 00:20:20,425 --> 00:20:22,322 - Is it in? - Come on! 341 00:20:22,366 --> 00:20:24,030 Push hard guy! 342 00:20:26,563 --> 00:20:28,293 The heel went right through! 343 00:20:28,309 --> 00:20:30,535 Oh my God it hurts so much! 344 00:20:31,620 --> 00:20:34,099 - Oh now, I'm bleeding! - Jen! 345 00:20:34,771 --> 00:20:36,400 - Where are you Jen? - It's Denholm! 346 00:20:36,508 --> 00:20:37,568 What? 347 00:20:38,432 --> 00:20:40,270 Hide the stress machine! 348 00:20:40,353 --> 00:20:42,903 The stress machine? What about the fire?! 349 00:20:42,943 --> 00:20:45,168 Ok! Put the stress machine in Jen's room! 350 00:20:45,183 --> 00:20:47,122 - He'll never go in there! - But what if he does? 351 00:20:47,137 --> 00:20:48,851 It doesn't matter! He won't know what it is! 352 00:20:48,916 --> 00:20:50,644 I can't go to prison Roy! 353 00:20:50,723 --> 00:20:52,471 They'll rape the flip out of me! 354 00:20:56,374 --> 00:20:58,102 You! Stall him by the door! 355 00:20:58,134 --> 00:20:59,683 I stall... How? 356 00:20:59,745 --> 00:21:01,421 I don't know! Use your womanly ways! 357 00:21:01,488 --> 00:21:04,167 Ok Moss! Pass me that monitor screen. The broken one. 358 00:21:07,237 --> 00:21:08,264 There you are! 359 00:21:08,931 --> 00:21:09,774 Hello there! 360 00:21:09,893 --> 00:21:12,193 It's no use being womanly with me Jen! 361 00:21:12,521 --> 00:21:13,954 You're in big trouble! 362 00:21:15,861 --> 00:21:16,782 Nice screensaver! 363 00:21:20,070 --> 00:21:21,071 Thank you. 364 00:21:25,375 --> 00:21:26,654 A stress machine! 365 00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:28,282 Just what we need! 366 00:21:28,841 --> 00:21:30,210 Roll up your sleeves, Jen. 367 00:21:30,386 --> 00:21:31,582 Let's get this over with. 368 00:21:34,188 --> 00:21:36,787 It's a one way ticket to slammer town for us Roy. 369 00:21:36,842 --> 00:21:38,383 With no return ticket! 370 00:21:41,074 --> 00:21:44,504 I really am losing quite a lot of blood! 371 00:21:44,657 --> 00:21:46,449 You understand this is your last chance? 372 00:21:46,648 --> 00:21:48,070 If the needle goes beyond here... 373 00:21:48,202 --> 00:21:49,474 you will be fired! 374 00:21:50,392 --> 00:21:51,995 Does that make you feel stressed? 375 00:21:52,405 --> 00:21:54,133 Jen! Does it? 376 00:21:54,349 --> 00:21:55,689 No? Are you sure? 377 00:21:55,852 --> 00:21:56,737 Are you sure? 378 00:21:57,110 --> 00:21:58,057 Are you sure? 379 00:21:58,296 --> 00:21:59,128 Are you sure? 380 00:21:59,419 --> 00:22:00,313 Are you sure? 381 00:22:00,649 --> 00:22:01,570 Are you sure? 382 00:22:01,828 --> 00:22:02,764 Are you sure? 383 00:22:03,072 --> 00:22:04,054 Are you sure? 384 00:22:04,234 --> 00:22:05,188 Are you sure? 385 00:22:05,423 --> 00:22:06,556 Are you sure? 386 00:22:06,653 --> 00:22:07,676 Are you sure? 387 00:22:07,883 --> 00:22:08,865 Are you sure? 388 00:22:08,962 --> 00:22:10,482 I'll level with you Roy. 389 00:22:10,552 --> 00:22:13,165 I don't think I'd flourish in a prison environment. 390 00:22:15,061 --> 00:22:16,854 Could I try on your new glasses? 391 00:22:18,172 --> 00:22:19,554 See this balloon, Jen? 392 00:22:20,024 --> 00:22:21,434 I'm gonna burst it. 393 00:22:21,628 --> 00:22:23,135 But I'm not gonna tell you when... 394 00:22:24,700 --> 00:22:27,075 Do you feel stressed Jen? Jen? Jen? 395 00:22:27,208 --> 00:22:28,124 Look at that! 396 00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:30,985 That's your peace of mind! 397 00:22:31,082 --> 00:22:32,401 And it's gonna go bang! 398 00:22:33,533 --> 00:22:35,267 Do you feel stress now, Jen? 399 00:22:35,385 --> 00:22:35,872 Jen! 400 00:22:37,723 --> 00:22:41,110 Jen! Jen! Do you?! 401 00:22:42,685 --> 00:22:43,930 Evidently not. 402 00:22:45,312 --> 00:22:46,885 Well done Jen! 403 00:22:47,230 --> 00:22:49,269 You're not being fired by me... 404 00:22:49,477 --> 00:22:50,946 at this precise moment. 405 00:22:56,095 --> 00:22:59,008 I love the way the smoke seems to be coming off the top of it. 406 00:23:01,553 --> 00:23:02,914 Just a second... 407 00:23:05,463 --> 00:23:06,824 I'm late for golf! 408 00:23:14,094 --> 00:23:16,321 I wonder why it didn't work... 409 00:23:17,908 --> 00:23:20,271 "Made In Britain" 410 00:23:22,667 --> 00:23:24,960 I don't know if it's the loss of blood 411 00:23:24,981 --> 00:23:28,991 or the melting plastic from the monitor but I feel great! 412 00:23:31,626 --> 00:23:35,514 It's so ironic but this entire situation has been quite stressful. 413 00:23:37,307 --> 00:23:38,604 I'll get help... 414 00:23:41,675 --> 00:23:44,295 You sent an e-mail about a fire?