1
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Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today

2
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Hey!

3
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I just won 45O quid playing poker.

4
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- Well done.
- Saw that one coming, Mikey 73.

5
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That's my rent sorted this month.
Ooh, and I can buy that new...

6
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Oh, no, I've lost it all again.

7
00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:56,112
<i>- (clears throat) Jen?
- Oh, Philip. Hello. Hi.</i>

8
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This is Philip from six.
This is Moss and Roy.

9
00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:02,075
- Hi.
- Hi.

10
00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:03,519
Hiya.

11
00:01:03,640 --> 00:01:06,438
So, what brings you to my lair?

12
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Not that I'm some sort of animal.

13
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Or... or maybe I am.

14
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Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

15
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<i>Oh, um, I was just, uh, wondering
if, uh, you, um, had the latest Heat.</i>

16
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Ha. Yes, yes, there it is.

17
00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:30,871
Thanks. And... Sorry about this,
I don't suppose maybe...

18
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you'd like to come to the theatre
tomorrow night? Maybe? Or?

19
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I'd be delighted.

20
00:01:39,320 --> 00:01:42,517
- He means me, Moss.
- He was looking at me.

21
00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:46,154
- No, he wasn't.
- I think he was.

22
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- You're not even in his eye line.
- Philip, who are you talking to? Me or Jen?

23
00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:54,192
- Do you like the theatre?
- Never been.

24
00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:57,517
But I've, uh... I've always liked
the idea of the theatre -

25
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the smell of the grease,
the roar of the paint.

26
00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:03,999
I've often thought
if I hadn't ended up in computers,

27
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I would have gone into the theatre.

28
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- But you've never been to see a play?
- No.

29
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Why not?

30
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Never had the interest.

31
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- Are there any famous people in it?
- No.

32
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It's a pass from me, then, thank you.

33
00:02:17,520 --> 00:02:21,798
- You haven't been invited anyway.
- Oh, wait. Uh, Laura Knightly's in it.

34
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<i>Laura Knightly from The Bill?</i>

35
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She's gorgeous. You know what?

36
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I will come, Philip, thank you.

37
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There's no invitation.
Show me the invitation.

38
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I guess you could come too. I know people
in the show, so tickets aren't a problem.

39
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- Great. That's settled, then.
- Right.

40
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Well, I'll give you a call later, then,
give you the details. How's that?

41
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That is perfection itself, Philip.
Thanks for coming down, man.

42
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Catch you later.

43
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That could have been a date there.

44
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Now it's a...

45
00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:56,280
work outing.

46
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<i>- Sorry, I nearly forgot the Heat.
- Oh, yes.</i>

47
00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:02,755
It's, uh... That's... Um...

48
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<i>(Jen sighs)</i>

49
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Ahh.

50
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What?

51
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<i>He actually did want to borrow
the copy of Heat.</i>

52
00:03:18,040 --> 00:03:20,713
- So?
- Well, it's just... you know.

53
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- Huh. No, I don't. What?
- I'm just surprised.

54
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Why?

55
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<i>It's just I don't know many heterosexual men
who read Heat.</i>

56
00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:36,957
<i>Huh. What, he's gay just because
he reads Heat magazine?</i>

57
00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:40,755
Um, well, he's either gay
or a woman in her early twenties.

58
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No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

59
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Why else would he ask me out on a date?

60
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Are you sure he meant it as a "date" date?

61
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Are you sure you're not going along
as his gal pal?

62
00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:57,556
If you're talking about who I think you're
talking about, the answer is yes, he is gay.

63
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- How do you know?
- Oh, everyone knows.

64
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And what's more,
he's been gay since Wham!

65
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We're talking about Philip.

66
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<i>- He borrowed Heat.
- He borrowed Heat? Ooh, la la.</i>

67
00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:18,040
And he "knows people in the theatre".

68
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That's not a euphemism.
He actually does know people in the theatre.

69
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Anyway, it's a date, I'm sure it is.
Why else would he ask me out?

70
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Well, don't take this the wrong way,
but could he have thought you were a man?

71
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- Let's get a taxi.
- It's a ten-minute walk.

72
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No, I don't like walkin'.

73
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Why don't you just not come?
You wouldn't have to walk anywhere.

74
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I won't spoil your romantic evening
with the gay man.

75
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<i>- He's not a gay man.
- He reads Heat.</i>

76
00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:53,274
- Hey, where are you lot off to?
- Oh, look. Richmond's still alive.

77
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- We're going to the theatre. Want to come?
- Oh, no. No, thank you.

78
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- And you shouldn't go either.
- Why not?

79
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An ill wind is blowing.

80
00:05:03,080 --> 00:05:07,995
Last night I was stirred from my slumber
by a crow calling three times.

81
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Caw.

82
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Caw.

83
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Well, you know what a crow sounds like.
Passing to my window,

84
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I trod on a piece of Lego.
Oh, it went right in the heel.

85
00:05:20,840 --> 00:05:24,230
Turning on my television set,
I noticed the reception wasn't great.

86
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Not terrible, just not great.

87
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Hear me well - no good can come of your trip
to the theatre tonight. No good at all.

88
00:05:32,240 --> 00:05:34,196
And if you ask me...

89
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That's just bloody rude.

90
00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:43,836
<i>Where's my Heat?</i>

91
00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:55,196
<i>A gay musical called Gay!.</i>

92
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That's quite gay.

93
00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:02,199
Gay musical?
Aren't all musicals gay?

94
00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:05,915
This must be, like,
the gayest musical ever made.

95
00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:08,554
It's got some pretty good reviews.

96
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"The story of a young man trying to find
his sexuality in the uncaring Thatcher years."

97
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"Warning - includes scenes
of graphic homoeroticism."

98
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Ugh! No!

99
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It's set in the '8Os.

100
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"Graphic homoeroticism."
Does that mean they're gonna get them out?

101
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- Not comfortable with your sexuality?
- I'm very comfortable with mine.

102
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I just don't want to be slapped in the face
with their sexuality.

103
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Oh, look, there's Philip.

104
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Oh, look, he's leching at that lady.

105
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Thank God for that.
He's just an ordinary ignorant man.

106
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- Oh, hey. You're already here.
- Yes.

107
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What are we doing, Roy? This isn't us.
It takes place in the past.

108
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Forget the play.
Philip knows the cast.

109
00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:02,191
It's all about the backstage party afterwards.
Those things are great.

110
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You go up to everyone, tell them they were
brilliant, and it's free white wine all night.

111
00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:08,514
And besides,
I really wanna meet Laura Knightly.

112
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Hey, the guys. Wow!

113
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Looks great, doesn't it?

114
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Right, we should really pick up our tickets.

115
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I know someone who gets the tickle.

116
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<i>- Sorry, I love doing that to him.
- (Philip) Hey!</i>

117
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This is Jerome. He does publicity
for the show. He got us our tickets.

118
00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:35,636
- Oh, great. Thanks.
- This is Jen, and Moss, and Roy.

119
00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:38,069
- Hello, hello.
- Hello. How's it going?

120
00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:40,919
Oh, my God, you're Irish.
I love Irish people.

121
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They're just mad, aren't they?
They're just mad.

122
00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:47,357
- We're all insane, yeah.
- Well, you'll luv dis.

123
00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:50,233
It's groit crack.

124
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<i>- I'm mad for crack.
- (bell rings)</i>

125
00:07:53,520 --> 00:07:56,671
OK, well, quick, everyone.
Show's about to start.

126
00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:09,469
I hope Laura Knightly isn't gonna be
dressed up like Toyah or something.

127
00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:10,794
<i>Who is she in The Bill again?</i>

128
00:08:10,920 --> 00:08:13,354
She plays that heroin addict
that gets stabbed in the face.

129
00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:16,233
- Oh, she is lovely.
- Isn't she lovely?

130
00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:20,192
- Oh, God, here we go.
- It might be all right.

131
00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:23,917
Yeah. How bad can it be?

132
00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:26,156
<i>(grand musical introduction)</i>

133
00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:35,633
Welcome to the United...

134
00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:37,273
Queendom!

135
00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:39,550
<i>(dance music)</i>

136
00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:42,079
Brilliant.

137
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"The United Queendom"?
He can't say that. Can he?

138
00:08:56,760 --> 00:08:59,069
<i># Today's the day the homophobes</i>

139
00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:01,589
<i>- # Get their arses kicked
- Yeah!</i>

140
00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:03,711
Yeah!

141
00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:06,479
Yeah, kick their arses!

142
00:09:08,760 --> 00:09:12,275
<i># I'm a friend of Dorothy,
I'm a friend of Dorothy</i>

143
00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:15,119
<i># She is my friend</i>

144
00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:18,277
This is insanely brilliant.

145
00:09:23,160 --> 00:09:26,118
<i># Hold my hand</i>

146
00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:28,991
<i># No</i>

147
00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:33,079
<i># That's not my hand</i>

148
00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:37,114
<i># Willies, willies, I love willies</i>

149
00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:40,038
<i># I love willies</i>

150
00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:42,310
OK, I'm completely satisfied.

151
00:09:42,440 --> 00:09:44,396
Don't leave. It's rude.

152
00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:47,239
It's too gay for me.
Thought I could handle it, but I can't.

153
00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:50,352
- It'll be the interval soon.
- Well, I'm captivated, Roy.

154
00:09:50,480 --> 00:09:53,916
<i>- Calm down. At least it can't get any worse.
- (applause)</i>

155
00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:59,790
All right, get them house lights up.
Let's have a look at you.

156
00:09:59,920 --> 00:10:02,115
You wearing that shirt for a bet?

157
00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:04,196
Audience participation. Go, go, go.

158
00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:08,552
Ooh, what have we here?

159
00:10:08,680 --> 00:10:10,159
Hello.

160
00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:14,796
So, tell me, who wears the trousers
in this relationship?

161
00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:20,358
What? Oh, right. No, we're not homosexuals,
we're just very good friends.

162
00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:22,789
- So you never had a look?
- At what?

163
00:10:22,920 --> 00:10:24,831
His bum!

164
00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:29,238
I've seen it, um,
when he squatted in front of my desk,

165
00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:32,557
or should he bend over
to pick something up.

166
00:10:32,680 --> 00:10:35,148
I'd love to work in that office.

167
00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:37,748
Oh, there's nothing sexual going on.

168
00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:41,236
I do like Roy, but I'm not "curious".

169
00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:45,992
What were you engaging