1 00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:36,115 (menacing music) 2 00:00:37,720 --> 00:00:40,871 You wouldn't steal a handbag. 3 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:43,673 You wouldn't steal a car. 4 00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:46,075 You wouldn't steal a baby. 5 00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:48,956 You wouldn't shoot a policeman 6 00:00:49,080 --> 00:00:52,072 and then steal his helmet. 7 00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:55,909 You wouldn't go to the toilet in his helmet 8 00:00:56,040 --> 00:01:00,477 and then send it to the policeman's grieving widow, 9 00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:03,637 and then steal it again. 10 00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:08,637 Downloading films is stealing. 11 00:01:08,760 --> 00:01:12,230 If you do it, you will face the consequences. 12 00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:13,679 (silenced shot/thud) 13 00:01:17,600 --> 00:01:20,478 Man, these anti-piracy ads are getting really mean. 14 00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:23,797 I think we're sitting too close to the screen. And the floor's all sticky over here. 15 00:01:23,920 --> 00:01:27,071 All right. OK, let's move back, then. 16 00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:34,715 Ah! 17 00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:37,638 - I still think we're too close. - Well, then, sit in the sink. 18 00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:40,228 I'm not sitting in the sink again. 19 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:42,396 OK, princess. 20 00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:44,590 Your flat is way too small for this telly. 21 00:01:44,720 --> 00:01:46,756 That's nonsense. 22 00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:49,393 (Moss sighs) 23 00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:51,795 - What's wrong with you now? - I need to go to the toilet. 24 00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:54,115 Well, then, go. 25 00:01:58,360 --> 00:02:01,318 - I'll hold it in. - (phone rings) 26 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:05,633 - Hello? - Hello, Roy. 27 00:02:05,760 --> 00:02:06,909 Hello, Jeff. 28 00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:09,679 Now, Roy, you know I changed my name by deed poll. 29 00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:13,076 - I'm not calling you Dominator, Jeff. - But I am Dominator! 30 00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:15,430 - Yeah, whatever. I'm not calling you it. - Forget it. 31 00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:19,519 Um... Now, listen, I was just wondering, have you seen the new Tarantino film? 32 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:24,395 - Yeah, actually I'm just about to watch it. - I have already seen it. 33 00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:27,239 Anyway, right, at the end, there's a very unusual twist. 34 00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:29,032 Oh! 35 00:02:29,640 --> 00:02:31,710 Oh, no! 36 00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:35,150 Oh, now I know there's a twist! I'm gonna spend the whole film guessing what it is. 37 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:37,191 Damn you, Dominator. 38 00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:41,438 - Just try and forget that there's a twist. - Oh, how can you forget there's a twist? 39 00:02:41,560 --> 00:02:45,030 - Oh, what's wrong with it now? Oh, come on! - (static) 40 00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:48,994 If I don't see this film today then Jeff'll find out some way of telling me what the twist is. 41 00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:52,430 I know he will. Come on! Work! 42 00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:55,154 (continues to thump TV) 43 00:02:55,280 --> 00:02:57,396 Oh, look, I have to go. 44 00:02:57,520 --> 00:02:59,476 Moss. 45 00:02:59,920 --> 00:03:03,310 - Hey. Hey, hey, hey. What's up with you? - I can't do this any more. 46 00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:06,910 Do what? Moss, what are you talking about? Here, let me help... 47 00:03:07,040 --> 00:03:09,952 - Back off. - We're just watching a film, Moss. 48 00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:12,196 - Come on, Roy. Can't you see it? - See what, Moss? 49 00:03:12,320 --> 00:03:15,118 We go to a film, sometimes the pub, maybe get some dinner, 50 00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:18,789 but it just goes on and on, year in, year out. We're stagnating. 51 00:03:18,920 --> 00:03:21,354 You're making it sound like we're some sort of old married couple. 52 00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:25,837 But we are. Can't you see? You're my wife, Roy, you're my wife. You're my wife. 53 00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:28,474 We should be married to ladies, but we're married to each other. 54 00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:30,716 - You're my wife. - Could you stop calling me your wife? 55 00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:34,150 You're my wife, Roy, and I can't take it any more! 56 00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:42,115 If anything, I'm the husband. 57 00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:57,596 (wind whistles) 58 00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:04,276 (crows caw) 59 00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:14,709 (dog barks) 60 00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:31,949 (flicks lighter) 61 00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:34,355 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What's this? What's this? 62 00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:36,869 - Oh, come on. - We don't even have ventilation down here. 63 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:39,833 - I'll stand over here. - I don't care. No. 64 00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:45,239 I don't wanna go out on the street. It's too... Soviet out there. 65 00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:49,269 - "Soviet"? - Yes. It's cold, everyone looks oppressed. 66 00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:53,552 You know, I remember when smoking was fun. All the cool kids were doing it. 67 00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:56,990 Every time I want a cigarette now I have to go to Gorky Park. 68 00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:58,997 - (phone rings) - Oh, don't answer that. 69 00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:00,439 - Why not? - I know who that is. 70 00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:03,120 That's a man called Dominator who wants to tell me the twist in a film 71 00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:05,151 that I've been waiting to see for ages. Don't answer it. 72 00:05:05,280 --> 00:05:08,113 - "Dominator"? - His real name is Jeff Hawthorne. 73 00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:10,117 - We have to answer the phone. - No, no, we don't. 74 00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:12,708 No, look... he'll give up in a second. I know Jeff. 75 00:05:12,840 --> 00:05:15,957 He'll need to go to the toilet in about another two rings. 76 00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:18,116 (ringing continues) 77 00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:23,356 (ringing stops) 78 00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:27,029 - We're answering the phone. - We are not answering the phones. 79 00:05:34,520 --> 00:05:37,637 - You all right, Moss? - I've got the blues, Jen. 80 00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:38,636 Why? 81 00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:41,911 Well, Roy and I are becoming like an old married couple. 82 00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:45,919 Will you please stop saying that? And I'm the husband! 83 00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:48,679 We just seem to do the same thing day in, day out. 84 00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:52,270 I'm stagnating, Jen, like a packet of crisps on the roof. 85 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:55,631 It seems to me the problem is that you two spend too much time together. 86 00:05:55,760 --> 00:05:58,069 You should get out there and meet other people. 87 00:05:58,200 --> 00:06:00,475 Other people? 88 00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:02,158 Yes. 89 00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:07,593 - You mean people other than Roy? - Well, yes. 90 00:06:07,720 --> 00:06:11,395 And these "other people", where do they congregate? 91 00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:13,670 I don't know, you could try and do an evening class. 92 00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:16,473 Whoa, whoa, hold on a second now. And what exactly am I supposed to do 93 00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:19,114 while she's out gallivanting at her night classes and whatnot? 94 00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:23,950 - Well, you could meet other people as well. - Yeah... I don't like people. 95 00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:27,470 Oh, well, now, that's not fair, Roy. Have you met all of them? 96 00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:29,591 I've met enough of them. 97 00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:34,077 People! What a bunch of bastards. 98 00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:36,395 (phone rings) 99 00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:39,159 Stephanie. Yes, hello. 100 00:06:39,280 --> 00:06:41,271 Oh, of course. OK. Bye. 101 00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:43,550 Ooh. I'm off. 102 00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:45,955 - Douglas is coming down. - Douglas? Why? 103 00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:49,231 Well, to be honest with you, he's been making advances. 104 00:06:49,360 --> 00:06:53,353 You know, little things like asking me if I wanna go for a ride in his helicopter. 105 00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:58,315 - Oh, I'd like to go for a ride in a helicopter. - Well, grow a pair of tits. 106 00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:01,876 Tell you what, if I did have tits I wouldn't mind letting someone have a go on them 107 00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:04,719 for a ride in a helicopter. 108 00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:09,396 Look who it is, everyone. It's only me. 109 00:07:10,040 --> 00:07:11,473 Jen, do you have a moment? 110 00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:15,036 No, I don't, I'm very busy. I don't wanna go for a ride in the helicopter. 111 00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:17,037 That wasn't what I was gonna ask, actually. 112 00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:20,038 - What do you want, then? - Um... 113 00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:22,310 Something, uh, work-related. 114 00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:25,952 - What department is this? - Sorry? 115 00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:29,629 Well, if it's work-related then obviously you'll know what department this is. 116 00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:32,399 What department is this? 117 00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:36,238 Some sort of, uh... homosexual department? 118 00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:38,555 - IT! It's IT! - IT! 119 00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:41,672 I knew that, yes. That's what I wanted, actually. 120 00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:46,316 You see, my computer's broken and I need someone to fix it. 121 00:07:46,440 --> 00:07:49,193 - Roy's your man. - Oh. 122 00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:56,918 How you fellas get any work done with a hot piece of finger-licking chicken like that. 123 00:07:57,040 --> 00:08:00,555 Me, I'd be a 24-hour tripod. 124 00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:03,238 What's this? It looks good. 125 00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:06,750 Um... yeah. I've actually been really looking forward to seeing this. 126 00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:09,678 Yeah? You wanna come round to mine? We can watch it there. 127 00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:12,075 I've got a pretty nifty home cinema system. 128 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:14,953 Um... well, mine is broken, but I think that maybe I'll just watch it... 129 00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:17,753 Well, excellent. That's settled then. Seven o'clock tonight. 130 00:08:17,880 --> 00:08:21,395 I'll get my PA to phone you with my name and address. 131 00:08:21,520 --> 00:08:23,636 Ciao. 132 00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:28,436 Whoa, there. That's not my office. Ciao. 133 00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:34,996 Well, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. And I'm the gander! 134 00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:39,712 (distant howling) 135 00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:46,509 (Eastern European accent) I hear the ballet in Prague is excellent this season. 136 00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:50,030 - Hello, Jorg. - Hello, Jen. 137 00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:53,152 Terrible, isn't it? Every year it gets worse. 138 00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:55,555 (Eastern European accent) First they take away our smoking room, 139 00:08:55,680 --> 00:08:57,910 then they push us outside. 140 00:08:58,040 --> 00:09:01,077 I wonder when they will decide just to get it over with and kill us. 141 00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:05,637 Oh, Jorg, such a pessimist. 142 00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:09,553 - Has he gone? - Has who gone? 143 00:09:09,680 --> 00:09:12,114 - Bruce Wayne. - Oh, he's long gone. 144 00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:15,391 Although Roy's got a man date with him. 145 00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:18,717 It is not a man date. I am not a man-woman. 146 00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:21,513 We are not married. I am not your wife! 147 00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:26,716 - You'd willingly spend time with Douglas? - I really have to see this film soon. 148 00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:28,478 (phone rings) 149 00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:32,919 Oh, by the way, I took your advice about those evening classes. 150 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:36,555 - I'm going to learn how to cook. - Oh, I'm so pleased, Moss. 151 00:09:36,680 --> 00:09:38,830 And I have to say, women do love a cook. 152 00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:40,439 Well, answered an ad online. 153 00:09:40,560 --> 00:09:44,348 This time next month, when you want German cuisine, I'm your man. 154 00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:48,950 - German cuisine? - Is German cuisine not good? 155 00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:50,718 No. Sounds fine. 156 00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:55,391 There's nothing more romantic than a glass of wine and some Schweinefleisch. 157 00:09:56,480 --> 00:10:00,678 Good, because usually when I try something new it ends up a disaster. 158 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:02,756 Oh! 159 00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:05,155 (German accent) I got a reply to my advertisement. 160 00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:07,669 Maurice Moss. 161 00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:11,509 Mm. He sounds delicious! 162 00:10:11,640 --> 00:10:13,710 (maniacal laughter) 163 00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:27,510 (plays dramatic music) 164 00:10:29,560 --> 00:10:31,676 (doorbell: "The Birdie Song") 165 00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:42,873 Ah! Guten Abend! I mean, hello. 166 00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:46,959 - Hello. I'm Moss. - Yes, yes, yes. I'm Johann. Come in, come in. 167 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:49,594 - Oh. Nice TV. - Ah. 168 00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:52,029 Good distance from the sofa. 169 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:55,594 Um... Would you... would you like a drink? 170 00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:58,996 - Oh, yes. White Russian, please. - I don't know that. How do you make that? 171 00:10:59,120 --> 00:11:01,315 I don't know. 172 00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:06,514 - Well, we might as well get to it. - Really? Gosh. So eager, so brave. 173 00:11:06,640 --> 00:11:10,394 Well, you know, once I've made up my mind to do something, that's it. 174 00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:11,794 Oh, that's very admirable. 175 00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:14,673 So, really, just do whatever you want with me. I'm ready for anything. 176 00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:15,869 Ah! 177 00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:18,389 Well, right. Ah, well... I suppose... 178 00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:22,195 - Take your clothes off and we'll get started. - Right. 179 00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:26,912 - So, how long does this course last? - Uh, sorry? 180 00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:30,635 - How long does this course last? - Course? What course? 181 00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:34,309 - Hang on. Take my clothes off? - Yes. 182 00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:37,637 - Sorry. I'm confused. - Well, so am I. 183 00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:42,197 - What did you think this was? - Well... I was going to eat you. 184 00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:51,469 I may have misheard you there. Did you just say that you were going to eat me? 185 00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:53,591 - Yes. - Right, you did say that. 186 00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:54,948 Yes. 187 00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:58,470 - Yeah, no, I'm here for the cookery. - No, no, no, this is the cookery. 188 00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:02,231 - Look, I've got your advert here. - Yes. 189 00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:05,830 - I printed it out. - Yes. 190 00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:10,556 - "I want to cook with you." - Ah, no, no. My English is not so good. Um... 191 00:12:10,680 --> 00:12:12,511 Oh, right! 192 00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:15,473 You want to cook with me, using me, you mean. 193 00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:18,353 - Ah, yes! Yes! You see? - Yes, yes. 194 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:23,076 I see where the confusion was. I thought this was a cookery course. 195 00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:24,076 No, no. 196 00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:27,636 But you were looking for someone who would agree to let you kill and eat them. 197 00:12:27,760 --> 00:12:29,751 Ja. Ja. 198 00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:31,279 - You see? - That is funny. 199 00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:32,435 Ja. 200 00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:37,271 So... you're not interested? 201 00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:39,914 Oh, no, thanks very much. It's not for me. 202 00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:48,993 How disappointing. 203 00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:52,669 I'm sorry, Johann. This must be such a letdown. 204 00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:56,633 Ohh! I had my tonsils out last month. I could've kept them. 205 00:12:56,760 --> 00:12:58,716 Oh! 206 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:03,958 I feel like such a turnip. 207 00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:07,395 - Do you want to watch a film? - OK. 208 00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:10,796 - I have Ocean's Eleven. - Original or remake? 209 00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:14,715 Well, yeah, you could come over here. 210 00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:19,391 We could put on some music, I could give you a back rub, see what happens. 211 00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:22,717 Oh, no, wait, I've got this guy coming over to watch a DVD. 212 00:13:22,840 --> 00:13:24,592 Another time, maybe. OK. 213 00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:27,917 Oh, and some chicken wings, please. Thank you. 214 00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:30,796 - (doorbell) - Ah! 215 00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:35,119 (chants) There's somebody at the door. There's somebody at the door. 216 00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:37,595 There's somebody at the door. 217 00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:43,114 Hey, it's my G. 218 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:46,312 Um... I'm really sorry I was late. It was... 219 00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:50,353 It's cool, dude. Hey, you know, we should do this sort of thing more often. 220 00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:53,756 I hate the whole boss/employee thing, don't you? 221 00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:54,995 Yeah. 222 00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:58,430 You wanna seal the deal with a high-five? 223 00:13:58,560 --> 00:14:00,710 Yes. 224 00:14:04,680 --> 00:14:06,352 So, what are we watching? 225 00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:09,836 It's a Tarantino-produced South Korean zombie movie. 226 00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:15,398 Wow, I didn't know there was a South Korea. OK, put it on. 227 00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:17,476 I've ordered pizza and chicken wings, 228 00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:20,433 and there's a cooler beside you, so help yourself to beer. 229 00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:22,516 Don't mind if I do. 230 00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:27,315 (atmospheric music) 231 00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:37,831 Oh, I've heard of this flick. There's a twist in it, isn't there? 232 00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:41,555 Yeah. Just... just try and forget that 233 00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:44,638 and hopefully we'll still be able to enjoy it. 234 00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:46,591 I bet he's a woman, that bloke. 235 00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:50,554 No, you think it's the future but it's actually set in the past. 236 00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:53,194 It's not Earth. It's all a dream. 237 00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:58,713 Oh, could you not... could you... Could you not try and guess what the twist is? 238 00:14:59,240 --> 00:15:01,959 It's just that might get a little annoying. 239 00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:04,594 But isn't that half the fun, trying to guess the twist? 240 00:15:04,720 --> 00:15:11,114 Uh... Personally, I think it... it kind of... it ruins the fun. 241 00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:15,028 - Well, I think it makes it more fun. - It's just I don't. 242 00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:17,116 (Irish accent) Well, I do. 243 00:15:17,240 --> 00:15:19,959 And I'm the boss. 244 00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:22,514 I'm your boss. 245 00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:25,234 (imitates gunshot) 246 00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:32,996 They're all clones. He's his own brother. 247 00:15:33,120 --> 00:15:35,156 Everyone's a ghost. 248 00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:37,950 - Have you still not seen the film yet? - No! 249 00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:42,391 - What's that? - What? 250 00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:46,274 It's cold, and I'm going out for a cigarette. 251 00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:49,790 Morning. Oh, you must be Jen's mother. 252 00:15:49,920 --> 00:15:53,469 - What a night I had last night. - Oh, yes, the cookery. How was it? 253 00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:58,232 - I am so embarrassed, I cannot tell you. - (Roy and Jen laugh) 254 00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:02,069 - What happened? - It wasn't a cookery class at all. 255 00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:03,633 What was it? 256 00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:06,274 He wrote it down wrong cos his English isn't very good. 257 00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:07,515 Always the way. 258 00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:12,156 And it turns out he didn't want to teach me how to cook, 259 00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:14,510 he wanted to cook me. 260 00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:22,557 What? 261 00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:25,111 He wanted to eat me. 262 00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:29,597 I know - egg and my face were in alignment. 263 00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:34,311 - He wanted to eat you? - Yes. 264 00:16:34,440 --> 00:16:35,793 (gasps) 265 00:16:35,920 --> 00:16:39,151 He's one of those German cannibals. 266 00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:42,590 - He is, and he was such a nice man. - Oh, was he? 267 00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:45,678 Yeah. He was a fine young cannibal. 268 00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:51,991 - Hang on, hang on, h-he wanted to eat you? - Yeah, keep up, Jen. 269 00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:57,114 So we had a laugh about it, and in the end, I didn't really feel like being eaten 270 00:16:57,240 --> 00:16:59,356 so we just watched Ocean's Eleven. 271 00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:02,995 - Ah. Original or remake? - Is that really the most important question? 272 00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:05,873 I... Hang on. You watched a... you watched a film with him? 273 00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:07,956 - Yes. - With the man that wanted to eat you? 274 00:17:08,080 --> 00:17:10,913 - Who else are we talking about? - Why didn't you call the police? 275 00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:14,191 - The police? Why would I call the police? - He wanted to eat you! 276 00:17:14,320 --> 00:17:17,915 Only with my consent and, believe me, my consent was not forthcoming. 277 00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:20,032 - Good for you, Moss. - But... 278 00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:24,358 - Eating people is illegal. - Only without their consent. 279 00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:27,358 - No, Moss. No, no, no. - It's a grey area, give me that. 280 00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:31,519 I knew something was askew. Whoever heard of German food? 281 00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:36,752 But you should see his place, it's incredible. He's got a great system, 50-inch TV. 282 00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:38,996 Really? 283 00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:43,351 Maybe we could watch the film at his place. 284 00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:47,473 Oh, I don't know, Roy. He's only really interested in people he can eventually eat. 285 00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,795 Oh. Tell him he can eat me. 286 00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:52,957 Are... are you insane? You've got to call the police. 287 00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:58,632 Oh, Jen, don't be such an old fuddy-duddy. The world has changed. 288 00:17:58,760 --> 00:18:02,799 If two grown men can't make a pervert happy for a few minutes 289 00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:05,639 in order to watch a film about zombies, 290 00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:09,594 then maybe we should all just move to Iran. 291 00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:13,235 I don't know, Roy. It does seem a little immoral to mislead him. 292 00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:19,196 But, then, as Jen pointed out earlier, being a cannibal's a little immoral too. 293 00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:22,312 I'm in an ethical pickle. 294 00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:27,673 Turns out meeting new people is a lot more complicated than I'd originally thought. 295 00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:35,073 - (whispers) Jen. - Jorg. 296 00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:37,316 What are you doing? You cannot smoke here. 297 00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:41,718 - They are moving us to a new smoking area. - Oh, so the rumours were true. 298 00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:44,673 Come quick, before they see you. 299 00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:40,475 - Jen, what are you doing? - It's over, Jorg. 300 00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:44,152 We must fight them, Jen. We must all fight them. 301 00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:46,555 We must keep smoking until the bitter end. 302 00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:48,352 Jorg. 303 00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:51,790 Jorg, such fire. 304 00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:55,515 I am too tired for revolution. 305 00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:58,473 And we've walked (bleep) miles. 306 00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:02,355 Goodbye, Jorg. 307 00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:09,269 Taxi! 308 00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:10,389 (doorbell: "The Birdie Song") 309 00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:12,431 - Let's not fight again. - No. 310 00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:17,475 - And, look, we're out, we're meeting people. - Yes. 311 00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:19,352 Oh. 312 00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:25,478 - You were a bit wonky. - Thanks, dear. 313 00:20:26,040 --> 00:20:27,871 Hello! 314 00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:31,834 - Hello! How wonderful! - Johann, this is Roy. Roy, this is Johann. 315 00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:34,428 Hello, Johann. I brought dessert. 316 00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:37,074 Ah! Come in, come in. 317 00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:38,599 Ja. 318 00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:42,952 - (Roy) Oh, this is lovely. - Yes. Yes. Lovely. 319 00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:47,718 - (Roy) Oh, isn't this nice? - Yeah. 320 00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:50,877 OK, so we'll watch the film and then I'll just tell him I changed my mind. 321 00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:52,718 - Ah! - Lovely, isn't it? 322 00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:56,753 Oh, wow. Now that's a guitar. 323 00:20:57,400 --> 00:21:03,475 So, Roy, h-has Moss explained to you my, um... desires? 324 00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:06,194 - He has indeed. - And are you interested? 325 00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:09,790 - I'm very interested. - Ah, splendid! 326 00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:12,480 Moss, if you will excuse us. 327 00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:16,275 - Do you eat in here? - Yes, this way, please. 328 00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:20,393 But, Roy, didn't you want to watch this film that I have here? 329 00:21:20,520 --> 00:21:23,159 Oh, I'd completely forgotten. 330 00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:27,353 There was that film that I wanted to watch before Johann ate me. 331 00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:30,835 - That's right. - There it is there now. 332 00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:33,269 - Yes. - So, you... so, you want to watch a film? 333 00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:35,072 - Yes, thanks. - Is that OK? 334 00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:38,988 - Uh... Yes, yes, of course. - I'll put it on. 335 00:21:43,640 --> 00:21:45,517 Is it very long? 336 00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:47,835 - Two hours 20. - Oh! 337 00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:54,037 Hm... No, I'll wait. 338 00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:58,914 - You wouldn't steal a handbag... - These piracy warnings! 339 00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:01,998 - (mouth full) I know! Very bad. - (doorbell) 340 00:22:02,120 --> 00:22:04,873 Oh, what now? 341 00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:10,515 You wouldn't shoot a policeman and then steal his helmet... 342 00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:13,279 - Hello, there. - Yes? Can I help you? 343 00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:15,516 - Police! Don't move! - Don't move! 344 00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:23,188 If my mother thinks I'm a cannibal, I'll be for the high jump. 345 00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:25,880 Oh, for once can we please not bring your mother into it? 346 00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:27,991 - Oh, here we go again. - (door slams) 347 00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:36,309 Well, boys... 348 00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:39,796 we're in a bit of a sticky situation, aren't we? 349 00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:47,757 Where did you get this film? 350 00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:51,590 This is an illegal copy of a film. 351 00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:56,031 (Roy) Um... 352 00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:58,628 Are you not worried that we might be cannibals? 353 00:22:58,760 --> 00:23:00,352 Cannibals? 354 00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:06,510 The man who was with us is a cannibal. He was going to eat me. 355 00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:10,713 Well, it's not really my area. I do copyright violation, that sort of thing. 356 00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:13,912 But I'll let someone know, thanks. Anyway... 357 00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:17,315 Where did you get this? 358 00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:22,554 Interesting film. 359 00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:26,673 Who'd have thought at the end that bloke turned out to be the... Oof! 360 00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:31,800 (plays "The IT Crowd" theme tune) 361 00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:56,036 (applause/cheering) 362 00:23:57,680 --> 00:23:58,908 (man) Bravo! 363 00:23:59,920 --> 00:24:01,876 Bravo!