1 00:00:29,221 --> 00:00:30,980 Jen, have a listen to this? 2 00:00:30,981 --> 00:00:32,881 Moss, have you seen the newsletter? 3 00:00:32,882 --> 00:00:34,860 Does this sound mysterious? 4 00:00:39,742 --> 00:00:42,262 Yeah, yeah, it's quite mysterious. 5 00:00:42,263 --> 00:00:44,902 I was hoping for ruddy mysterious. 6 00:00:44,903 --> 00:00:47,062 It's fairly mysterious. 7 00:00:47,063 --> 00:00:51,062 Compiling a playlist for a role-playing game I'm hosting. 8 00:00:51,143 --> 00:00:53,023 Important to get the right atmos. 9 00:00:53,024 --> 00:00:55,022 I don't know what you're talking about. 10 00:00:55,023 --> 00:00:57,063 Kind of a Dungeons and Dragons thing. 11 00:00:57,064 --> 00:00:59,023 Ew, is this something to do with sex? 12 00:00:59,024 --> 00:01:00,543 Ha! Far from it, Jen. 13 00:01:00,544 --> 00:01:03,744 No, you see, in role-playing, one person is a dungeon master, 14 00:01:03,745 --> 00:01:05,144 or game master, or keeper. 15 00:01:05,145 --> 00:01:06,584 He or she controls the world 16 00:01:06,585 --> 00:01:09,224 and tells the players what they're experiencing, 17 00:01:09,225 --> 00:01:10,984 whether battling a coal monster, 18 00:01:10,985 --> 00:01:14,304 or kicking back in a smelly old tavern with some roguish elves. 19 00:01:14,305 --> 00:01:15,464 Played over a few hours, 20 00:01:15,465 --> 00:01:18,504 it uses dice rolls to determine the outcome of events. 21 00:01:18,505 --> 00:01:21,145 Unlike most board games you might be familiar with, 22 00:01:21,146 --> 00:01:23,465 role-playing games often use a 20-sided dice. 23 00:01:23,466 --> 00:01:24,346 - Moss? - Yeah. 24 00:01:24,347 --> 00:01:25,386 I want to stop listening to this. 25 00:01:25,387 --> 00:01:27,905 I completely understand. 26 00:01:27,906 --> 00:01:31,706 So, in the world we actually live in, 27 00:01:31,707 --> 00:01:35,626 a post has opened up for Entertainments Manager. 28 00:01:35,627 --> 00:01:39,627 I could do that. That sounds great. Better than whatever this job is. 29 00:01:39,788 --> 00:01:42,307 Entertainments Manager. 30 00:01:42,308 --> 00:01:44,907 It's not for you, Jen. 31 00:01:44,908 --> 00:01:46,987 What? Organising cultural events 32 00:01:46,988 --> 00:01:49,748 and visiting business partners, that is so me. 33 00:01:49,749 --> 00:01:53,628 It's not though. It'sreallynot for you. 34 00:01:53,629 --> 00:01:55,389 Oh, what am I talking to you for? Where's Roy? 35 00:01:55,390 --> 00:01:56,509 Not in yet. 36 00:01:56,510 --> 00:01:59,028 Is he still moping about after that girl? 37 00:01:59,029 --> 00:02:02,029 Worse than ever. Thank God he can't play guitar. 38 00:02:02,030 --> 00:02:03,469 Have you seen the pictures? 39 00:02:03,470 --> 00:02:05,629 Pictures? There's more than one? 40 00:02:05,630 --> 00:02:06,989 Yeah, there's a buttload. 41 00:02:06,990 --> 00:02:09,949 And she's Photoshopped out of all of them. 42 00:02:09,950 --> 00:02:13,950 Yeah, it's like someone broke up with Stalin. 43 00:02:19,351 --> 00:02:21,990 It's such a shame. 44 00:02:21,991 --> 00:02:25,991 I've never seen him happier than the last few months. And now... 45 00:02:26,433 --> 00:02:27,391 Oh, hi, Roy! 46 00:02:27,392 --> 00:02:28,951 Hi, Roy. 47 00:02:28,952 --> 00:02:31,072 It's okay, you're obviously talking about me. 48 00:02:31,073 --> 00:02:31,912 No, no... 49 00:02:31,913 --> 00:02:33,592 It's fine. 50 00:02:33,593 --> 00:02:36,552 I realise I haven't been the easiest person to be around 51 00:02:36,553 --> 00:02:37,632 the last few weeks. 52 00:02:37,633 --> 00:02:40,952 But I really feel like I've turned the corner now. I really do. 53 00:02:40,953 --> 00:02:43,473 So if we can all just carry on as normal... 54 00:02:43,474 --> 00:02:46,353 My God, oh, my God! 55 00:02:46,354 --> 00:02:48,713 I feel like I've come out the other side of it now. 56 00:02:48,714 --> 00:02:51,873 So, everything's going to be OK from here on in... 57 00:02:51,874 --> 00:02:53,794 My heart hurts! 58 00:02:53,795 --> 00:02:57,754 You do seem better than yesterday. 59 00:02:57,755 --> 00:03:00,695 But Roy, you've got to snap out of this. 60 00:03:00,696 --> 00:03:01,535 I know, I know. 61 00:03:01,536 --> 00:03:03,914 Some things just don't work out. 62 00:03:03,915 --> 00:03:07,035 I know you're not used to being in a long-term relationship. 63 00:03:07,036 --> 00:03:09,676 It's really rare for me. 64 00:03:09,677 --> 00:03:11,755 It'ssorare. 65 00:03:11,756 --> 00:03:15,276 But take it from me, most of them just don't work out. 66 00:03:15,277 --> 00:03:17,316 She's right, Roy. 67 00:03:17,317 --> 00:03:19,077 And how would you know? 68 00:03:19,078 --> 00:03:21,036 I do all right. 69 00:03:21,037 --> 00:03:22,357 When? 70 00:03:22,358 --> 00:03:25,397 Well, if you must know, I met a girl on holiday. 71 00:03:25,398 --> 00:03:27,917 They're always on holiday, aren't they, Moss? 72 00:03:27,918 --> 00:03:31,638 Oh, shut up, Dumpo, the elephant who got dumped! 73 00:03:31,639 --> 00:03:32,557 Hey, hey! 74 00:03:32,558 --> 00:03:33,357 Well... 75 00:03:33,358 --> 00:03:36,398 No, it's okay. I'm all right. 76 00:03:36,399 --> 00:03:37,878 I mean, I'm still a bit... 77 00:03:37,879 --> 00:03:40,158 She never said goodbye, so I just kind of... 78 00:03:40,159 --> 00:03:44,159 It still just hurts just a little bit whenever I think about her. 79 00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:48,159 So. I guess all I have to do is just never think about her. Simples! 80 00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:54,159 Oh, she used to love that ad. 81 00:03:59,241 --> 00:04:01,840 It's not for you, Jen. 82 00:04:01,841 --> 00:04:03,680 What, why not? 83 00:04:03,681 --> 00:04:06,601 Entertainments Manager? Do you know what that involves? 84 00:04:06,602 --> 00:04:09,281 From what I can gather it's organising cultural events 85 00:04:09,282 --> 00:04:10,921 for out-of-town business partners. 86 00:04:10,922 --> 00:04:12,681 That's right. Yes, yes. 87 00:04:12,682 --> 00:04:14,521 It's not for you. 88 00:04:14,522 --> 00:04:17,962 It won't interfere with my duties in the IT department. 89 00:04:17,963 --> 00:04:21,962 And I love culture. I've seen We Will Rock You four times. 90 00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:25,803 Eurgh... 91 00:04:25,804 --> 00:04:27,443 Well, Jen, I'd love to help you, 92 00:04:27,444 --> 00:04:30,323 but traditionally the role of Entertainments Manager 93 00:04:30,324 --> 00:04:31,843 has always been held by a man. 94 00:04:31,844 --> 00:04:34,723 Mr. Reynholm, I don't need to remind you 95 00:04:34,724 --> 00:04:37,323 of the report that denounced Reynholm Industries 96 00:04:37,324 --> 00:04:39,684 as an institutionally sexist organisation. 97 00:04:39,685 --> 00:04:43,684 Now, you hold on a minute, sugar tits! 98 00:04:44,806 --> 00:04:47,285 Everyone saw through that report. 99 00:04:47,286 --> 00:04:49,524 I even got that award off those feminists. 100 00:04:49,525 --> 00:04:53,525 The one shaped like the ice-cream fellow. 101 00:04:54,087 --> 00:04:58,086 That's a Shithead Of The Year award. 102 00:05:00,366 --> 00:05:03,646 It actually says it on the base, "Shithead Of The Year." 103 00:05:03,647 --> 00:05:07,647 Did you not read the base? 104 00:05:26,889 --> 00:05:27,929 Oh, God! 105 00:05:27,930 --> 00:05:31,729 Women, eh? 106 00:05:31,730 --> 00:05:33,609 What are they? Who knows? 107 00:05:33,610 --> 00:05:34,769 Don't do this. 108 00:05:34,770 --> 00:05:38,770 Can't live with them, can't find them...sometimes. 109 00:05:40,331 --> 00:05:42,369 What's going on in their little heads? 110 00:05:42,370 --> 00:05:46,370 Don't ask me, I'm not a flippin' women psychiatrist. 111 00:05:47,211 --> 00:05:51,710 But I have learned one or two things from conversations with my mother. 112 00:05:52,012 --> 00:05:54,411 No, no, Moss, please, 113 00:05:54,412 --> 00:05:57,051 don't go any further, just stop right there. 114 00:05:57,052 --> 00:06:00,812 You're no good at this kind of thing, Moss, you'll just make it worse. 115 00:06:00,813 --> 00:06:03,372 Sorry, it's just I've never seen you like this. 116 00:06:03,373 --> 00:06:05,012 I know. But I'll be fine. 117 00:06:05,013 --> 00:06:07,532 I will. It's just... You can't help with this. 118 00:06:07,533 --> 00:06:08,693 You just can't. 119 00:06:08,694 --> 00:06:11,133 I've got it. I've got the job. 120 00:06:11,134 --> 00:06:11,852 What? 121 00:06:11,853 --> 00:06:15,413 Douglas gave me the job so I'd stop talking. 122 00:06:15,414 --> 00:06:19,414 Jen's Entertainments Manager. 123 00:06:21,574 --> 00:06:24,254 It's not for you, Jen. 124 00:06:24,255 --> 00:06:25,974 Why does everyone keep saying that? 125 00:06:25,975 --> 00:06:26,894 What happened to Gerry? 126 00:06:26,895 --> 00:06:28,174 Massive heart attack. 127 00:06:28,175 --> 00:06:29,454 I'm not surprised. 128 00:06:29,455 --> 00:06:31,695 Why are you not surprised? Why is it not for me? 129 00:06:31,696 --> 00:06:35,495 Gerry was the... He was the company Fredo. You're the new Fredo. 130 00:06:35,496 --> 00:06:36,935 I don't know what you're talking about. 131 00:06:36,936 --> 00:06:38,815 Fredo, from the Godfather. 132 00:06:38,816 --> 00:06:40,495 Who's Fredo again? Who's he in it? 133 00:06:40,496 --> 00:06:44,336 He's the brother, whose job it is to take out-of-town businessmen and... 134 00:06:44,337 --> 00:06:47,376 Show them a good time, yeah, that's what I have to do. 135 00:06:47,377 --> 00:06:49,097 I was thinking West End show... 136 00:06:49,098 --> 00:06:51,376 No, no, Jen, I don't think you understand. 137 00:06:51,377 --> 00:06:55,376 These men are going to expect a lot more than a West End show. 138 00:06:56,578 --> 00:06:59,337 Fredo, Jen, he was, 139 00:06:59,338 --> 00:07:01,058 he was sort of a pimp. 140 00:07:01,059 --> 00:07:02,057 Oh, shut up. 141 00:07:02,058 --> 00:07:03,217 Wasn't he, Moss? 142 00:07:03,218 --> 00:07:04,378 What? 143 00:07:04,379 --> 00:07:06,778 Fredo, in the film, he was essentially a pimp. 144 00:07:06,779 --> 00:07:10,779 No, he took the ring to Mordor. 145 00:07:15,819 --> 00:07:18,419 Fredowasa pimp. 146 00:07:18,420 --> 00:07:21,099 No, no, that film was the '70s. 147 00:07:21,100 --> 00:07:22,820 Things are different now. 148 00:07:22,821 --> 00:07:25,059 Businessmen are different. 149 00:07:28,741 --> 00:07:32,740 Anyway, enough about our balls. 150 00:07:33,341 --> 00:07:37,340 Gentleman, I'd like you to meet Jen. 151 00:07:42,422 --> 00:07:45,742 No, no, no, Jen's our new Entertainments Manager. 152 00:07:45,743 --> 00:07:48,301 But she's a woman, isn't she? 153 00:07:48,302 --> 00:07:52,302 Jen, I'd like you to meet an old friend of mine, Phil. 154 00:07:55,704 --> 00:07:57,223 What are you up to, Reynholm? 155 00:07:57,224 --> 00:07:58,503 Don't you worry, Phil. 156 00:07:58,504 --> 00:08:01,543 Jen may look like an old maid holding pennies in her arse, 157 00:08:01,544 --> 00:08:03,903 but she knows the sleaziest routes 158 00:08:03,904 --> 00:08:06,624 round this old town I like to call Londinius. 159 00:08:06,625 --> 00:08:10,624 And I'm sure she's planned something suitably raucous for you reprobates. 160 00:08:11,305 --> 00:08:15,304 Oh, yes, yes, I have tickets for a wonderful show in the West End. 161 00:08:15,586 --> 00:08:17,345 As long as it doesn't have subtitles. 162 00:08:17,346 --> 00:08:18,265 Subtitles, no. 163 00:08:18,266 --> 00:08:20,185 Woah, what's got subtitles?! 164 00:08:20,186 --> 00:08:21,465 This thing she's bringing us to. 165 00:08:21,466 --> 00:08:22,625 Subtitles? Oh, God! 166 00:08:22,626 --> 00:08:25,585 I can't read while I'm also trying to see things. 167 00:08:25,586 --> 00:08:29,506 No, no, it's a show, it's a show. There's no subtitles. 168 00:08:29,507 --> 00:08:31,146 I hate subtitles. 169 00:08:31,147 --> 00:08:32,426 What happened to Gerry? 170 00:08:32,427 --> 00:08:33,826 His heart exploded. 171 00:08:34,987 --> 00:08:36,466 Brilliant! 172 00:08:36,467 --> 00:08:37,986 No, he's quite seriously ill. 173 00:08:37,987 --> 00:08:39,427 That's classic Gerry. 174 00:08:41,988 --> 00:08:45,548 Gerry wouldn't have brought us to something with subtitles. 175 00:08:45,549 --> 00:08:47,667 There's no subtitles, it's a show. 176 00:08:47,668 --> 00:08:50,467 Come on, Jen, what type of show? 177 00:08:50,468 --> 00:08:54,108 Well, yes, well it's very raunchy. 178 00:08:54,109 --> 00:08:56,389 Yes, I don't think you'll be disappointed. 179 00:08:56,390 --> 00:08:57,268 Women in it? 180 00:08:57,269 --> 00:08:59,589 Women in it? Yes, it's an all-woman show. 181 00:08:59,590 --> 00:09:00,989 It's very rude. 182 00:09:00,990 --> 00:09:02,469 An all-woman show? 183 00:09:02,470 --> 00:09:03,589 And it's rude. 184 00:09:03,590 --> 00:09:07,589 Eiffel Tower! 185 00:09:10,750 --> 00:09:13,350 I'm so sorry, I really can't apologise enough. 186 00:09:13,351 --> 00:09:15,590 I've never been so embarrassed in my life. 187 00:09:15,591 --> 00:09:19,591 That woman was in EastEnders, how dare you humiliate her?! 188 00:09:21,192 --> 00:09:24,711 It's not our fault you took us to The Vagina Monologues. 189 00:09:24,712 --> 00:09:27,272 You get there, and it's justwomentalking. 190 00:09:27,273 --> 00:09:28,872 False advertising. 191 00:09:28,873 --> 00:09:30,911 Look, we're in town for five more days, 192 00:09:30,912 --> 00:09:33,312 you better have something proper for us to do. 193 00:09:33,313 --> 00:09:36,472 Next time you take us to something about talking fannies, 194 00:09:36,473 --> 00:09:40,472 it better be about talking fannies. 195 00:09:45,274 --> 00:09:47,993 I know you had good reasons for giving me this award. 196 00:09:47,994 --> 00:09:49,993 I should never have done that interview. 197 00:09:49,994 --> 00:09:51,794 But that journalist had an agenda. 198 00:09:51,795 --> 00:09:54,434 There's more. "Women are a kind of savage animal, 199 00:09:54,435 --> 00:09:57,914 "who men have civilised with their insatiable sexuality." 200 00:09:57,915 --> 00:10:01,914 What don't you like about that? 201 00:10:02,316 --> 00:10:06,315 "Women are essentially no different from radiators." 202 00:10:07,276 --> 00:10:10,636 "I like my women like I like my toast, hot..." 203 00:10:10,637 --> 00:10:14,636 And consumable with butter. 204 00:10:14,637 --> 00:10:16,236 You don't have to remind me. 205 00:10:16,237 --> 00:10:18,877 I'm all too familiar with my misguided words. 206 00:10:18,878 --> 00:10:22,877 Ladies, listen, no-one can mistake me for Gok Wan. 207 00:10:24,078 --> 00:10:28,078 I've an old-fashioned mindset, but damn it, at least I try. 208 00:10:28,159 --> 00:10:31,397 And Reynholm Industries is changing, ladies, for the better. 209 00:10:31,398 --> 00:10:34,358 The glass ceiling is now a glass floor. 210 00:10:34,359 --> 00:10:36,398 The women are floating above it, 211 00:10:36,399 --> 00:10:40,399 and the men are just looking up at them. 212 00:10:41,079 --> 00:10:45,079 So, what do you want from us? 213 00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:51,240 Oh, please take that award back and give it to somebody else. 214 00:10:51,241 --> 00:10:54,320 Mr. Reynholm, I really need to talk to you about something. 215 00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:57,080 Ah, Jen, I'd like you to meet some very special woman. 216 00:10:57,081 --> 00:10:59,800 Oh, no, no, no! 217 00:10:59,801 --> 00:11:01,120 What? 218 00:11:01,121 --> 00:11:03,681 Mr. Reynholm, I will not work with prostitutes. 219 00:11:03,682 --> 00:11:07,160 No, no, no, these are feminists. 220 00:11:07,161 --> 00:11:08,881 Dress it up however you like, 221 00:11:08,882 --> 00:11:10,801 they still sleep with men for money. 222 00:11:12,723 --> 00:11:16,202 But I don't charge for these potatoes. 223 00:11:16,203 --> 00:11:20,122 And I don't like women who do. 224 00:11:20,123 --> 00:11:24,123 Don't listen to her! The bitch is crazy. 225 00:11:28,843 --> 00:11:31,283 Douglas wants me to see out the week. 226 00:11:31,284 --> 00:11:35,243 A whole week in the company of those idiots. 227 00:11:35,244 --> 00:11:37,444 Culture's out, restaurants are out. 228 00:11:37,445 --> 00:11:41,444 Oh, God, this is a nightmare. 229 00:11:46,045 --> 00:11:47,804 Men, eh, 230 00:11:47,805 --> 00:11:51,805 what are they like? With their bawdy talk and rough-housing, 231 00:11:52,047 --> 00:11:56,046 and their wandering hands, and breath in the morning. 232 00:11:57,527 --> 00:11:59,486 I'd like to see them have the babies. 233 00:11:59,487 --> 00:12:01,886 What are you getting at, Moss? 234 00:12:01,887 --> 00:12:03,926 Well, unless I'm very much mistaken, 235 00:12:03,927 --> 00:12:07,926 this seems to be a problem for which you need the male perspective. 236 00:12:15,488 --> 00:12:18,408 Do you know any men? 237 00:12:18,409 --> 00:12:21,408 You want a good time, right? One that walks on the wild side 238 00:12:21,409 --> 00:12:23,568 without compromising your principles? 239 00:12:23,569 --> 00:12:25,528 Yeah, that's exactly what I want. 240 00:12:25,529 --> 00:12:27,888 Then you got it, baby! 241 00:12:27,889 --> 00:12:31,889 Which is why the game needs a 20-sided dice. 242 00:12:35,288 --> 00:12:37,929 I've not understood a word you've just said. 243 00:12:37,930 --> 00:12:40,571 What is it? Some sort of computer game? 244 00:12:40,572 --> 00:12:44,572 In a sense, except it uses the most powerful processor known to man. 245 00:12:44,654 --> 00:12:47,974 The human mind. 246 00:12:47,975 --> 00:12:49,296 But you're not playing. 247 00:12:49,297 --> 00:12:52,137 I'm not a player. But I am playing. 248 00:12:55,060 --> 00:12:57,380 He sort of tells us what's happening. 249 00:12:57,381 --> 00:12:59,101 I will be your guide. 250 00:12:59,102 --> 00:13:02,583 Through my words, you will experience the land of Elfenheart. 251 00:13:02,584 --> 00:13:06,185 From the mighty mountains that border the Goblin Wastelands. 252 00:13:06,186 --> 00:13:10,188 To the sewers that run like a spider web through the city of Jandor. 253 00:13:10,470 --> 00:13:12,950 I, gentlemen, will be your eyes. 254 00:13:21,317 --> 00:13:25,318 I will be everyone you meet, every creature you encounter, 255 00:13:25,839 --> 00:13:28,919 every trap you spring. 256 00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:32,923 What about him? What's this business with the face like a slapped arse? 257 00:13:34,084 --> 00:13:38,006 I'm sorry, I just came out of a long term relationship, so... 258 00:13:38,007 --> 00:13:40,928 It doesn't... She was the greatest woman 259 00:13:40,929 --> 00:13:43,249 I've ever met and I'm never going to see her again. 260 00:13:43,250 --> 00:13:46,051 But it's fine, I mean, she never said goodbye. 261 00:13:46,052 --> 00:13:47,812 I'm not going to bore you with it. 262 00:13:47,813 --> 00:13:49,974 See that you bloody don't! 263 00:13:49,975 --> 00:13:52,215 I still don't understand what this game is! 264 00:13:52,216 --> 00:13:53,936 It seems gay. 265 00:13:53,937 --> 00:13:57,137 Are dragons gay, Phil? 266 00:13:57,138 --> 00:13:58,939 Mighty warrior priests wielding 267 00:13:58,940 --> 00:14:02,941 golden staffs. I suppose they're gay too? 268 00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:05,023 Here are your character sheets. 269 00:14:05,024 --> 00:14:07,585 John One, you're a unicorn man. 270 00:14:07,586 --> 00:14:11,587 John Two, you're a wood fairy. 271 00:14:11,788 --> 00:14:15,790 And Phil, you're the Gypsy assassin, Esmerelda. 272 00:14:16,630 --> 00:14:18,072 I'm a woman? 273 00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:23,915 I don't think I want to be a woman. 274 00:14:23,916 --> 00:14:25,076 Just go with it. 275 00:14:25,077 --> 00:14:27,037 It will end. 276 00:14:27,038 --> 00:14:30,919 So, gentlemen, are you prepared to open the doors to your mind 277 00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:33,641 and travel to worlds hitherto undreamed of? 278 00:14:40,925 --> 00:14:44,927 Look at those fun bags. 279 00:14:45,249 --> 00:14:47,010 Everybody doing okay, yeah? 280 00:14:47,011 --> 00:14:49,330 You good for drinks? 281 00:14:49,331 --> 00:14:51,932 Loosen up. It's a role-playing party. 282 00:14:51,933 --> 00:14:54,533 Jen, can I have a word? 283 00:14:54,534 --> 00:14:57,816 I don't think I want to hang with these guys. 284 00:14:57,817 --> 00:14:59,777 Oh, come on, Phil! 285 00:14:59,778 --> 00:15:02,298 These guys are the best. 286 00:15:02,299 --> 00:15:06,021 They're going to do things tonight that'll blow your mind. 287 00:15:06,022 --> 00:15:06,782 Really? 288 00:15:06,783 --> 00:15:09,182 Really? Look at them. They're young, they're keen. 289 00:15:09,183 --> 00:15:11,544 And all they want to do is show you a good time. 290 00:15:11,545 --> 00:15:15,507 So get back there before you hurt their feelings. 291 00:15:15,508 --> 00:15:19,510 Could I steal the lovely Roy for a sec? 292 00:15:24,634 --> 00:15:27,835 It's just him in all of these. 293 00:15:27,836 --> 00:15:30,836 Oh, thanks, Jen, that was all getting a little bit... 294 00:15:30,837 --> 00:15:32,958 What do you think you're doing? 295 00:15:32,959 --> 00:15:33,718 What? 296 00:15:33,719 --> 00:15:36,200 What? Bringing everyone down with your private life. 297 00:15:36,201 --> 00:15:38,882 They don't want to know about your miserable private life. 298 00:15:38,883 --> 00:15:41,364 They're here for a good time. Look at that face. 299 00:15:41,365 --> 00:15:44,685 Who'd want to role-play with that face? 300 00:15:44,686 --> 00:15:48,087 I'm sorry Jen... I just... I'm not feeling it tonight. 301 00:15:48,088 --> 00:15:51,570 Then fake it, sweetheart, yeah? 302 00:15:51,571 --> 00:15:55,573 We're getting good money for this. 303 00:15:56,574 --> 00:15:59,334 Don't you want to get the deposit for a flat, 304 00:15:59,335 --> 00:16:01,376 leave those bad memories behind? 305 00:16:01,377 --> 00:16:02,216 Yeah. 306 00:16:03,497 --> 00:16:05,379 I'll try harder, Jen. 307 00:16:05,380 --> 00:16:07,140 Okay. 308 00:16:07,141 --> 00:16:09,741 Good girl. 309 00:16:09,742 --> 00:16:13,744 Get back there and show those Johns a good time. 310 00:16:17,507 --> 00:16:19,587 Well, that cleaned the pipes. 311 00:16:19,588 --> 00:16:23,189 I've got to thank you, Miranda, for giving me a second chance. 312 00:16:23,190 --> 00:16:26,471 Oh, don't mention it. Although you do know I don't have the authority 313 00:16:26,472 --> 00:16:28,353 to take back the award myself? 314 00:16:28,354 --> 00:16:31,275 Oh, what? 315 00:16:31,276 --> 00:16:35,277 No, we all make mistakes. And you intrigue me. 316 00:16:35,558 --> 00:16:38,398 Something tells me there's more to you than meets the eye. 317 00:16:38,399 --> 00:16:42,402 Do you mean the rumours that I killed my wife? 318 00:16:45,404 --> 00:16:47,204 No. Are there rumours? 319 00:16:47,205 --> 00:16:48,245 No. 320 00:16:48,246 --> 00:16:52,247 There were rumours that there was a rumour, but that was just bullshit. 321 00:16:53,409 --> 00:16:56,811 I didn't like the way the nominations came from inside your company. 322 00:16:56,812 --> 00:16:58,691 Inside my company? 323 00:16:58,692 --> 00:17:01,173 Yeah, one of the women from the IT department faxed a dossier 324 00:17:01,174 --> 00:17:03,094 of your behaviour over the last 12 months. 325 00:17:03,095 --> 00:17:07,096 One of the women in the IT department? 326 00:17:08,019 --> 00:17:10,019 Oh, sorry, Phil. 327 00:17:10,020 --> 00:17:13,581 Heal All is probably the worst spell you could have used. The sound of 328 00:17:13,582 --> 00:17:16,383 your low-level magic attracts the attention of the palace guards. 329 00:17:16,384 --> 00:17:18,544 Damn it! 330 00:17:18,545 --> 00:17:20,025 One comes through the door. 331 00:17:20,026 --> 00:17:21,186 Throwing knife. 332 00:17:21,187 --> 00:17:22,587 Are you sure? Quite a low damage. 333 00:17:22,588 --> 00:17:25,189 I have a plus 40% chance of a critical. 334 00:17:25,190 --> 00:17:28,230 Remember the talking bunny that gave me that magic bracelet? 335 00:17:28,231 --> 00:17:32,233 Yeah, that bunny thing gave him that thing. 336 00:17:32,673 --> 00:17:36,476 You're absolutely right. Roll 'em. 337 00:17:36,477 --> 00:17:39,637 Yes! 338 00:17:39,638 --> 00:17:42,039 Direct hit. The knife cleaves his head in twain 339 00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:45,482 and some of his brains runneth down John Two's invisibility cloak. 340 00:17:45,483 --> 00:17:49,364 Eiffel Tower! 341 00:17:49,365 --> 00:17:51,725 Unfortunately, he wasn't alone. 342 00:17:51,726 --> 00:17:52,925 Dammit! 343 00:17:52,926 --> 00:17:56,648 'Tis the dreaded Imperial Guard, the cruellest of all 344 00:17:56,649 --> 00:17:59,410 of Queen Elisa's troops. At their head... 345 00:17:59,411 --> 00:18:03,412 someone you recognise. 346 00:18:04,133 --> 00:18:06,574 Well, well, well. 347 00:18:06,575 --> 00:18:10,096 If it isn't the adventurers who have been causing me all this bother. 348 00:18:10,097 --> 00:18:11,897 Lucius Santana! 349 00:18:11,898 --> 00:18:14,299 The very same. 350 00:18:14,300 --> 00:18:17,541 Stand your men down, Lucius! We have no quarrel with you! 351 00:18:17,542 --> 00:18:20,943 Quarrel? I just came to see how a mismatched bunch of raggle taggle 352 00:18:20,944 --> 00:18:23,985 adventurers bested some of the deadliest criminals in Crackenwood. 353 00:18:23,986 --> 00:18:25,987 That's us! 354 00:18:30,350 --> 00:18:32,711 You have my thanks. And if you ever want to join 355 00:18:32,712 --> 00:18:35,272 the Palace Guard, you know where I am. 356 00:18:35,273 --> 00:18:38,634 The Palace Guard? 357 00:18:38,635 --> 00:18:40,315 You have my sword. 358 00:18:40,316 --> 00:18:41,836 And my staff. 359 00:18:41,837 --> 00:18:44,158 And my bunny bracelet. 360 00:18:44,159 --> 00:18:48,161 And whatever it is that I have. 361 00:18:48,562 --> 00:18:50,081 The mist clears. 362 00:18:50,082 --> 00:18:54,084 You see a lone, female figure. 363 00:18:58,448 --> 00:19:02,450 That's ruddy mysterious. 364 00:19:05,573 --> 00:19:08,134 Hello, Darkharden. 365 00:19:08,135 --> 00:19:10,414 Hello. 366 00:19:10,415 --> 00:19:12,296 Who goes there? 367 00:19:12,297 --> 00:19:16,298 It is I, Queen Elisa Eldridge of the Elves, who cruelly jilted you 368 00:19:16,740 --> 00:19:20,741 not three moons ago. 369 00:19:28,987 --> 00:19:31,308 Don't do this. 370 00:19:31,309 --> 00:19:35,310 Just go with it, Roy. 371 00:19:39,634 --> 00:19:43,235 Hello, my queen. 372 00:19:43,236 --> 00:19:45,116 How are you? 373 00:19:45,117 --> 00:19:48,078 I'm fine. 374 00:19:48,079 --> 00:19:50,119 You look well. 375 00:19:50,120 --> 00:19:52,521 So do you... Does she? 376 00:19:52,522 --> 00:19:53,963 Yes, she does, actually. 377 00:19:53,964 --> 00:19:55,523 Does she? 378 00:19:55,524 --> 00:19:58,445 So, what are you up to? 379 00:19:58,446 --> 00:20:00,486 Oh, you know just... 380 00:20:00,487 --> 00:20:03,408 Just keeping busy. 381 00:20:03,409 --> 00:20:06,650 Missing you a little bit. 382 00:20:06,651 --> 00:20:08,211 Yourself? 383 00:20:08,212 --> 00:20:10,852 Usual boring pageantry. 384 00:20:10,853 --> 00:20:14,855 You know how the people of Pippsiehollow love a parade. 385 00:20:14,976 --> 00:20:17,857 What are you doing here? 386 00:20:19,378 --> 00:20:20,418 Sorry. 387 00:20:23,221 --> 00:20:27,222 Sorry. Bear with me. Bear with me. Bear with me. 388 00:20:32,107 --> 00:20:36,108 I sense a sadness in you. 389 00:20:42,272 --> 00:20:44,473 It's just hard. 390 00:20:44,474 --> 00:20:47,835 You know? 391 00:20:47,836 --> 00:20:51,838 I miss you. 392 00:20:51,839 --> 00:20:55,840 I can still smell you on our pillow. 393 00:20:56,802 --> 00:20:59,482 When I close my eyes, 394 00:20:59,483 --> 00:21:03,486 it's still your face I see. 395 00:21:06,288 --> 00:21:08,809 It's just hard. 396 00:21:08,810 --> 00:21:12,811 You were here and then you were gone. 397 00:21:14,374 --> 00:21:16,454 What do you want? 398 00:21:16,455 --> 00:21:20,456 It was not easy for me to come here, Darkharden. 399 00:21:20,778 --> 00:21:24,779 But I had one thing I felt I needed to say to you. 400 00:21:41,750 --> 00:21:43,250 Goodbye. 401 00:21:49,396 --> 00:21:50,595 Goodbye. 402 00:22:02,803 --> 00:22:05,564 Brilliant night! Brilliant! I can't believe 403 00:22:05,565 --> 00:22:08,847 I've never tried role-playing games before. 404 00:22:08,848 --> 00:22:12,849 I'm going to go home and tell the whole rugby club about it. 405 00:22:12,890 --> 00:22:15,211 Roy and Moss did not disappoint? 406 00:22:15,212 --> 00:22:17,493 They did not. I'd like to see them again. 407 00:22:17,494 --> 00:22:19,413 Thank you, Douglas. 408 00:22:19,414 --> 00:22:22,855 That's one special little lady you've got there. 409 00:22:22,856 --> 00:22:26,858 I'm glad Jerry died. 410 00:22:27,139 --> 00:22:28,259 Eiffel Tower! 411 00:22:28,260 --> 00:22:31,020 Eiffel Tower! Eiffel Tower! 412 00:22:31,021 --> 00:22:33,742 Eiffel Tower! 413 00:22:33,743 --> 00:22:37,745 Before you go, Jen, I know it was you. 414 00:22:38,326 --> 00:22:41,808 You broke my heart. You broke my heart! 415 00:22:46,511 --> 00:22:49,232 That's right. That's right! 416 00:22:49,233 --> 00:22:50,313 Shut up! 417 00:22:50,314 --> 00:22:51,874 Oh, you've cheered up. 418 00:22:51,875 --> 00:22:54,836 Oh, yeah, I'm feeling a lot better now, Jen, thanks. 419 00:22:54,837 --> 00:22:58,838 Thanks to a certain Elfin queen. 420 00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:03,761 What happened to Fredo, in the film? 421 00:23:03,762 --> 00:23:07,764 Ah, oh... The Godfather has him killed. 422 00:23:10,166 --> 00:23:12,007 I'm going to go home. 423 00:23:12,008 --> 00:23:13,507 I'm not feeling too good. 424 00:23:26,457 --> 00:23:28,456 Problem solved!