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Support us and become VIP member
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org
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Come on, settle. The
sooner you're settled,
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the sooner this is over with.
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Thank you. Now, you're going to meet
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some men today who've taken
a wrong turn in their lives
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and they're going to tell you
their stories and hopefully
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make you think a little bit
about the roads you're going down.
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It's not going to be any kind of fun,
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so you can wipe those
smiles off your faces.
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Right, let's meet our first speaker.
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What the flip are you looking at?
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You think this is funny?
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You think this is some kind
of mother flipping joke?
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Mother flippers think everything's
a mother flipping joke.
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Well, let me tell you, the
jokey ain't no jokey, sucker.
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Look at me and what do you see?
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Just a bad ass brother who
made a mistake. One mistake.
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And now I'm staring at you gimps.
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Every flippin' day!
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So what's my story?
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How did a brother get here?
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Well, I'll tell you.
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It all started when I went to
fix a printer on floor seven.
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As I recall, it was a Tuesday.
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It's a lot faster now,
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it's one of the advantages
of the Pentium processor.
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Yeah...
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I like your glasses.
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I'm afraid they're not for sale.
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Ha ha.
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Laugh all you want,
they're not for sale.
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You're funny.
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Nikki, Nikki, Nikki!
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What are you talking
to Clive Sinclair for?
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Shut up, Rodge.
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Good one. Yup. I get it.
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You obviously don't, mate.
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Come on, back in your box.
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Nice tie, by the way!
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Thank you.
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Roy, can you come here, please?
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Just hold on a second, Jen.
I'm giving phone support.
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Okay, so how did that go?
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Well, yeah, but that's an
important part of the process.
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Yes, if you don't complete that part,
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there's no way you're going
to be able to do the next bit.
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Okay, so now... Turn it back on again!
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People!
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That is rude! What is that?
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Oh, Jen, I have to say, "Have you
tried turning it off and on again?"
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1,000 times a day. It's
like a bloody catchphrase.
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If it wasn't for you and Moss
it would be the only thing I say.
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It doesn't matter.
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Don't take your bad career
decisions out on the users.
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I'm not saying it again today.
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They can just figure
it out for themselves.
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You'll never go a whole
day without saying it.
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You don't think I can?
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No way.
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I bet you 1,000 I can.
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That's just posturing. 1,000.
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All right. Okay. 100 says
I don't say it again today.
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How's that for posturing?
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All right, you're on. 100 quid.
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All right.
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Can you come here for a sec, please?
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I want you to take a look at something.
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Can't I do it on the phone?
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Just come in! It's like 20 feet!
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You all right, Moss?
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I don't mind telling you, Roy,
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that sometimes the people upstairs
cheese me off to such an extent
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that if I were the type
to use bad language,
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I'd be employing it
bitterly and repeatedly!
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Whoa. Moss, that's not like you.
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Well, I'm sorry for
mentioning bad language.
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No, use bad language, Moss,
please. It'll make you feel better.
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Ploppers!
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Someone told me I need
a browser on my computer.
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Could you install one please?
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You don't have a browser
on your computer...?
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What is that sound? Is that
coming from your laptop?
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It's not supposed to sound...
What the...?! What's all that crap?
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Look at all this stuff! I haven't
seen that one since the '90s!
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Jen, I have to fix this.
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No, no, leave it! I
have it how I like it!
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How you like it?! No, no,
no, Jen, it's infected!
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If this was a human being,
I'd shoot it in the face!
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I just want you to install a browser.
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That's the browser there!
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Look at it... that's the browser.
Internet Explorer is a browser!
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Behind the picture of the lady.
The lady's not supposed to be there.
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She's only there sometimes.
But what about that, the E...
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But that's the button for
the internet, Roy. I don't...
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The button for the
internet?! Jesus Christ!
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Oh, shut up! I'm not
a stupid geeky geek.
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Jen, you don't need to be a geek
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to know that you need a
browser to access the internet!
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Yes, because as soon as you
know something like that,
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it pushes out something
important and before you know it,
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you're painting little
figurines from Lord of The Rings.
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You know what, Jen? Do
whatever you want. I don't care.
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You want to walk around with
a laptop from The Exorcist,
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that's fine. It's not my problem.
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Our time is too valuable!
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Come on, Moss, let's
go. It's nearly one.
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Oh, don't forget. They're giving
a party for Ben Genderson at lunch.
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Ben Genderson? How nice for him.
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He's been here, what? A
week? When's our party?
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I thought you hated parties.
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I like parties. It's
balloons I don't like.
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Right.
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You don't like balloons?
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Oh, don't talk to me about balloons.
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Why?
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Why? Balloons explode, Jen.
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They explode suddenly and unexpectedly.
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They are filled with the capacity
to give me a little fright
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and I find that unbearable.
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Where do you want to go for lunch?
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It's such a lovely day,
shall we go to the park?
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Yeah, let's have a
lovely lunch in the park.
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Roy, do you think if I hadn't
paid so much attention in school
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I'd be a different person?
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No.
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We're going to be late
for Ben Genderson's party.
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So? I don't want to go to that
thing. If we go to that party,
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do you know how many times I'm going to have
to say, "Have you..." The thing that I say?
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We've got to hurry up,
we're going to be in trouble.
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I'm not running.
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Can you do a fast walk?
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No.
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I'm going to do a fast
walk. See you there.
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I need to be at work.
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Sorry, sir. Whole street's
closed. Suspicious package.
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Come on, let's go the long way round.
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We'll miss the presentation. We're
already late. We'll get in trouble.
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Calm down.
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I can't, Roy. What are we going to do?
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Moss, it doesn't matter.
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We're going to get in trouble.
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You're not going to get in trouble.
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Getting in trouble is something
that happens to children.
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You're a grown man. Come on.
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Why don't we bunk off?
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What?!
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I was hoping to avoid Jen today
anyway. Why don't we just...
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We'll bunk off and make a
day of it. It'll be a laugh.
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Oh, gosh, I've got to take this in.
I've never bunked off in my life!
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What... what... what will
we do? Where will we go?
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You know, we'll do
bunking off kind of things.
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Should we be talking this close to
the police? I mean, it is illegal...
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Not unless you're supposed to
be in school! Will you relax?
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I'm excited, Roy. This is like
taking the blue pill in the Matrix.
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I mean, bunking off. The old
me would never have done that!
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Say goodbye to that guy. That
guy's history! BANG! He's gone!
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Could you not say "bang!"
There's a bloody bomb somewhere!
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Come on, let's just go.
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Would you stop looking so suspicious!
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Which is why after one week
with us, we honour Ben Genderson.
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Come on, Ben, say a few words.
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I don't know what to...
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Such a lovely thing to happen.
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I never thought that a major corporation
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would be able to focus on
one individual like this.
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At my last company, I
felt rather insignificant,
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so it's appreciated, it really is.
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Cheers.
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Don't raise your glass too soon, Ben,
cos this has all been one big ruse.
170
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It isn't your day at all.
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That's right. I thought it high time
172
00:09:01,831 --> 00:09:05,069
to give the IT Department
the attention they deserve.
173
00:09:05,070 --> 00:09:07,308
Where are Mark and Ray?
174
00:09:09,309 --> 00:09:11,027
They're not back from lunch yet.
175
00:09:11,028 --> 00:09:15,026
Really? I flew George Lucas
in to see them as a treat.
176
00:09:18,986 --> 00:09:21,784
Oh, well, Jen, more champagne for us.
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Let the revels begin!
178
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Oh, yes.
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Sitting on the bus.
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On the open road.
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Kicking back.
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Just a pair of cheeky bunkers.
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00:09:53,275 --> 00:09:55,433
Couple of ne', er do wells.
184
00:09:55,434 --> 00:09:58,072
Yeah.
185
00:09:58,073 --> 00:10:02,071
Roy, can I clarify something?
Are we now loitering?
186
00:10:02,192 --> 00:10:04,030
Erm... yeah.
187
00:10:04,031 --> 00:10:06,189
Because it feels like travelling.
188
00:10:06,190 --> 00:10:09,108
Sure, but we don't want to
go where this bus is going.
189
00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:10,908
So there's an element of loitering.
190
00:10:10,909 --> 00:10:11,908
There's an aimlessness.
191
00:10:11,909 --> 00:10:12,987
Exactly.
192
00:10:12,988 --> 00:10:16,825
Yeah! Who'd want to end up
going to where they wanted to be?
193
00:10:16,826 --> 00:10:18,304
That's what the man wants.
194
00:10:18,305 --> 00:10:19,424
Sock it to 'em.
195
00:10:19,425 --> 00:10:23,423
Fools!
196
00:10:27,423 --> 00:10:30,221
Roy, let's glare.
197
00:10:30,222 --> 00:10:31,260
What?
198
00:10:31,261 --> 00:10:35,259
Let's glare at people,
like a couple of tough nuts.
199
00:10:35,340 --> 00:10:37,538
Okay! Who?
200
00:10:37,539 --> 00:10:41,257
Let's glare at this
sucker on his way to work.
201
00:10:41,258 --> 00:10:45,256
Feeding the corporate machine.
202
00:10:45,497 --> 00:10:46,375
He's coming up.
203
00:10:46,376 --> 00:10:49,015
He's coming up. He's
getting on the bus! Oh, no.
204
00:10:49,016 --> 00:10:53,013
Why did you suggest him? You
could've suggested anybody.
205
00:10:54,334 --> 00:10:55,093
What are you looking at?
206
00:10:55,094 --> 00:10:57,932
We weren't. We thought
you were someone else.
207
00:10:57,933 --> 00:10:59,811
What's it to you?
208
00:10:59,812 --> 00:11:02,730
I'm sorry. We're bunking
off, and he's excited.
209
00:11:02,731 --> 00:11:06,729
We're bunking off!
210
00:11:07,090 --> 00:11:10,008
Roy has a fear of balloons.
211
00:11:12,848 --> 00:11:14,406
A fear of balloons!
212
00:11:14,407 --> 00:11:17,446
That's the craziest thing
I've ever bloody heard!
213
00:11:17,447 --> 00:11:18,525
Some wine for you.
214
00:11:18,526 --> 00:11:19,925
Sorry, I asked for red.
215
00:11:19,926 --> 00:11:20,565
Oh, sorry.
216
00:11:20,566 --> 00:11:23,802
No, no, no, leave it.
217
00:11:23,803 --> 00:11:25,482
Thishasbeen a success.
218
00:11:25,483 --> 00:11:28,241
I have had a lovely, lovely time.
219
00:11:28,242 --> 00:11:30,200
As thingy was saying earlier,
220
00:11:30,201 --> 00:11:33,359
it's easy to go unrecognised
in a big corporation,
221
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:36,758
so it's appreciated,
it really is. Cheers.
222
00:11:36,759 --> 00:11:40,757
Don't raise yourglasses too soon,
cos this ruse has also been a ruse.
223
00:11:46,196 --> 00:11:47,475
Ladies and gentlemen,
224
00:11:47,476 --> 00:11:51,474
let meintroduce to you our new head
ofhiring and firing, Ben Genderson.
225
00:11:55,673 --> 00:11:59,111
So, Ben, you've been circulating
throughout this fake party,
226
00:11:59,112 --> 00:12:00,631
coming to conclusions.
227
00:12:00,632 --> 00:12:02,990
Who's the obvious dead wood?
228
00:12:02,991 --> 00:12:05,829
Well, yes. Well,
there's Paul over there,
229
00:12:05,830 --> 00:12:09,268
he's been putting his
shopping on expenses.
230
00:12:09,269 --> 00:12:11,387
James here, he can't spell,
231
00:12:11,388 --> 00:12:13,587
and... Sorry, what's your name?
232
00:12:13,588 --> 00:12:14,626
Jeremy.
233
00:12:14,627 --> 00:12:17,825
Jeremy, yes. Jeremy's a drunk.
234
00:12:17,826 --> 00:12:21,824
And Jen. Jen lacks
basic computer skills,
235
00:12:21,985 --> 00:12:25,983
like thinking that IT
stands for "internet things".
236
00:12:27,263 --> 00:12:30,540
Yeah. I don't really need
to know about those things.
237
00:12:30,541 --> 00:12:33,859
I'm a relationship manager. I
manage my team, I'm a team leader.
238
00:12:33,860 --> 00:12:37,858
And where's your team now?
239
00:12:38,019 --> 00:12:40,897
I'm sorry, I'm confused.
240
00:12:40,898 --> 00:12:44,895
Is this my party or not?
241
00:12:51,614 --> 00:12:52,893
What are we doing?
242
00:12:52,894 --> 00:12:56,852
We are loitering.
243
00:12:56,853 --> 00:12:58,771
We are shopping.
244
00:12:58,772 --> 00:13:02,250
We don't have any money, so
it's definitely loitering.
245
00:13:02,251 --> 00:13:06,249
Mark my words, in half an hour,
we shall be asked to leave.
246
00:13:11,448 --> 00:13:12,487
Oh, It's Jen.
247
00:13:12,488 --> 00:13:13,886
Hello, Jen!
248
00:13:13,887 --> 00:13:15,366
Where are you?
249
00:13:15,367 --> 00:13:19,364
We're just sort of taking
a long lunch sort of thing.
250
00:13:19,605 --> 00:13:23,603
You can't! I've been sent an e-mail
questionnaire, have to do ittoday!
251
00:13:23,724 --> 00:13:25,043
I don't know what you're talking about.
252
00:13:25,044 --> 00:13:26,802
It wasn't Ben Genderson's thing,
253
00:13:26,803 --> 00:13:29,401
it was our thing. And then
it was some scary thing,
254
00:13:29,402 --> 00:13:31,920
and now he's sent me a
questionnaire about my job
255
00:13:31,921 --> 00:13:33,360
and my computer won't work!
256
00:13:33,361 --> 00:13:37,278
Is that the best you can
do? I'm not going to say it!
257
00:13:37,279 --> 00:13:39,957
No! No, no, no! No, no, no!
258
00:13:39,958 --> 00:13:43,956
Goddammit, Roy! I didn't bunk off
so I could do some flipping perusing!
259
00:13:44,716 --> 00:13:47,075
I want a taste of the apple, Roy!
260
00:13:47,076 --> 00:13:49,834
I want to bite the
electric tiger's tail,
261
00:13:49,835 --> 00:13:53,193
and ride it till the end
of the mother flipping line.
262
00:13:53,194 --> 00:13:54,752
Will you just calm down, Moss?
263
00:14:06,229 --> 00:14:07,548
What are you doing?
264
00:14:07,549 --> 00:14:08,748
I'm shoplifting!
265
00:14:08,749 --> 00:14:10,387
You've just gone insane!
266
00:14:10,388 --> 00:14:12,306
I've never felt so alive!
267
00:14:12,307 --> 00:14:14,626
We need to get this stuff back!
268
00:14:14,627 --> 00:14:17,345
Okay, they're on to us. Let's just go.
269
00:14:17,346 --> 00:14:21,344
Erm, act normal.
270
00:14:25,183 --> 00:14:26,982
What is wrong with you? Whoareyou?
271
00:14:26,983 --> 00:14:30,980
I don't know any more!
272
00:14:32,421 --> 00:14:36,419
What are we going to do?
273
00:14:37,659 --> 00:14:41,656
No, that's not going to work!
274
00:14:43,217 --> 00:14:47,214
Okay, run! Run, run, run!
275
00:14:52,094 --> 00:14:56,091
Come on! Come on!
276
00:15:06,569 --> 00:15:10,567
Hello. Do you wish for
technical assistance?
277
00:15:10,848 --> 00:15:12,006
Oh, God, I hate these!
278
00:15:12,007 --> 00:15:15,045
Sorry?
279
00:15:15,046 --> 00:15:16,325
What?
280
00:15:16,326 --> 00:15:19,484
How dare you speak to me like that?
281
00:15:19,485 --> 00:15:23,483
Sorry. Can I have technical
assistance, please?
282
00:15:24,483 --> 00:15:28,481
Putting you through. Cow.
283
00:15:29,602 --> 00:15:31,040
Allo?
284
00:15:31,041 --> 00:15:32,320
Hello?
285
00:15:32,321 --> 00:15:35,399
Allo. How can I be of assistance?
286
00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:36,598
What?
287
00:15:36,599 --> 00:15:39,318
How can I be of assistance?
288
00:15:39,319 --> 00:15:43,316
I've got one of your laptops. It
won't get past the loading screen.
289
00:15:44,037 --> 00:15:46,515
Have you tried turning
it off and on again?
290
00:15:46,516 --> 00:15:49,353
Yes. Look, is there
someone else I can talk to?
291
00:15:49,354 --> 00:15:51,033
There is no-one else available.
292
00:15:51,034 --> 00:15:52,112
All right, all right.
293
00:15:52,113 --> 00:15:54,152
All right, all right.
What model do you have?
294
00:15:54,153 --> 00:15:56,031
What model do I have?
295
00:15:56,032 --> 00:15:56,991
Yes.
296
00:15:56,992 --> 00:15:58,870
It's a Zubion, I think.
297
00:15:58,871 --> 00:16:01,949
Ah, the Zubion. I have to say,
we have been having problems
298
00:16:01,950 --> 00:16:04,988
with the Zubion. Can you
press delete while starting up?
299
00:16:04,989 --> 00:16:06,828
I didn't get that.
300
00:16:06,829 --> 00:16:10,826
Can you press delete while starting up?
301
00:16:10,947 --> 00:16:12,946
No. That was worse somehow.
302
00:16:12,947 --> 00:16:14,825
Okay. Can...
303
00:16:14,826 --> 00:16:15,665
Can?
304
00:16:15,666 --> 00:16:17,784
Yes. Can you press...
305
00:16:17,785 --> 00:16:19,184
Can you press.
306
00:16:19,185 --> 00:16:20,023
Delete.
307
00:16:20,024 --> 00:16:21,463
Delete. Delete. Can I press delete?
308
00:16:21,464 --> 00:16:22,663
While.
309
00:16:22,664 --> 00:16:24,382
Wheel?
310
00:16:24,383 --> 00:16:26,341
While.
311
00:16:26,342 --> 00:16:27,501
Whhhheeeel?
312
00:16:27,502 --> 00:16:31,340
While. Er...during!
313
00:16:31,341 --> 00:16:32,300
While! While.
314
00:16:32,301 --> 00:16:33,539
Yes, while!
315
00:16:33,540 --> 00:16:34,219
Yes.
316
00:16:34,220 --> 00:16:36,738
Starting.
317
00:16:36,739 --> 00:16:40,737
Allo?
318
00:16:42,177 --> 00:16:46,175
Come on, Roy! Come
on! We're nearly there!
319
00:16:46,416 --> 00:16:48,014
It's no use.
320
00:16:48,015 --> 00:16:52,013
I can't. I can't.
We're going down again!
321
00:16:53,094 --> 00:16:54,491
How many times is that now?
322
00:16:54,492 --> 00:16:57,650
Oh, this is ridiculous! I
don't want to do this any more!
323
00:16:57,651 --> 00:17:01,649
Oh, all right. All right.
324
00:17:01,690 --> 00:17:03,329
What was all that about?
325
00:17:03,330 --> 00:17:04,888
What?
326
00:17:04,889 --> 00:17:08,887
You shouldn't be messing
around on those things. Go on.
327
00:17:10,167 --> 00:17:14,165
Don't come back here.
I know your faces now!
328
00:17:22,643 --> 00:17:24,402
Bunking off was a terrible idea.
329
00:17:24,403 --> 00:17:26,681
I mean, you were
completely out of control.
330
00:17:26,682 --> 00:17:28,441
Do you even like Grand Designs?
331
00:17:28,442 --> 00:17:29,840
Yuh!
332
00:17:29,841 --> 00:17:32,999
You'll send those DVDs back to the shop.
333
00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:34,519
Okay. I'm sorry, Roy.
334
00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:37,118
It's okay. Okay, let's just
try and get back in to work,
335
00:17:37,119 --> 00:17:40,517
and hopefully nobody will
have noticed we were away.
336
00:17:40,518 --> 00:17:42,996
Oh, my gosh!
337
00:17:47,355 --> 00:17:50,313
It's a robot!
338
00:17:50,314 --> 00:17:52,593
I've never seen one in the wild before.
339
00:17:52,594 --> 00:17:55,672
Where've you come from, fella?
Huh? Where do you come from?
340
00:17:55,673 --> 00:17:58,871
Can we keep him, Roy? I mean,
if he doesn't belong to anyone?
341
00:17:58,872 --> 00:18:01,069
I just don't understand what it's doing.
342
00:18:01,070 --> 00:18:05,068
I mean, this is weird. What is it?
343
00:18:15,985 --> 00:18:18,343
Erm... Moss?
344
00:18:18,344 --> 00:18:19,623
What?
345
00:18:19,624 --> 00:18:20,943
Get away from it.
346
00:18:20,944 --> 00:18:24,502
Why?
347
00:18:24,503 --> 00:18:28,340
Hello, Jen!
348
00:18:28,341 --> 00:18:30,740
It's a robot!
349
00:18:30,741 --> 00:18:32,339
Get away!
350
00:18:32,340 --> 00:18:33,019
What?
351
00:18:33,020 --> 00:18:37,018
Get away! Get away
from it. There's a bomb!
352
00:18:37,138 --> 00:18:39,137
What are you saying?
353
00:18:39,138 --> 00:18:43,136
There's a bomb in the bag!
354
00:18:45,976 --> 00:18:49,973
I think this might be a
bomb disposal robot, Roy.
355
00:18:50,014 --> 00:18:52,053
I know.
356
00:18:52,054 --> 00:18:54,012
We should move away from it.
357
00:18:54,013 --> 00:18:58,011
Yes. We should. But I don't
seem to be able to move.
358
00:18:58,532 --> 00:18:59,650
What?
359
00:18:59,651 --> 00:19:01,050
I can't move.
360
00:19:01,051 --> 00:19:02,249
What do you mean, you can't move?
361
00:19:02,250 --> 00:19:05,728
What do you mean, you
can't move? I can't move.
362
00:19:05,729 --> 00:19:07,527
You have to move, Roy.
363
00:19:07,528 --> 00:19:09,046
I can't move!
364
00:19:12,166 --> 00:19:14,365
I'm just having a couple
of problems with it.
365
00:19:14,366 --> 00:19:16,764
What kind of operating
system does it use?
366
00:19:16,765 --> 00:19:18,723
It's... Vista!
367
00:19:18,724 --> 00:19:22,602
We're going to die!
368
00:19:22,603 --> 00:19:25,601
Have you tried turning
it off and on again?
369
00:19:25,602 --> 00:19:27,800
What?
370
00:19:27,801 --> 00:19:30,479
Have you tried turning
it off and on again?
371
00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:32,639
What?
372
00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:36,637
Have you tried turning
it off and on again?
373
00:19:36,998 --> 00:19:40,996
I just won 100 quid.
374
00:19:41,437 --> 00:19:43,435
Okay. Hang on a second.
375
00:19:43,436 --> 00:19:45,714
Why are you still here?
Why haven't you run away?
376
00:19:45,715 --> 00:19:47,394
Come on, we're a team, I could...
377
00:19:47,395 --> 00:19:51,393
Wait, I could totally
run away, couldn't I?
378
00:19:57,272 --> 00:19:59,270
It's still not working!
379
00:20:01,670 --> 00:20:05,188
Oh, this is a very
common problem with Vista.
380
00:20:05,189 --> 00:20:07,268
I can fix this. I can fix this, Roy!
381
00:20:07,269 --> 00:20:09,227
Everything's going to be okay.
382
00:20:10,587 --> 00:20:14,504
Right. Come here, you.
383
00:20:24,262 --> 00:20:26,700
Wait for me!
384
00:20:26,701 --> 00:20:30,659
Is there a customer support number?
385
00:20:32,100 --> 00:20:35,138
Allo! How can I be of assistance?
386
00:20:35,139 --> 00:20:39,136
What?
387
00:20:40,497 --> 00:20:42,375
So, that's my story.
388
00:20:42,376 --> 00:20:45,854
It ain't a pretty story, but
it's the only one I've got.
389
00:20:45,855 --> 00:20:48,853
And if you bozos don't
buckle up and fly right,
390
00:20:48,854 --> 00:20:52,852
it'll be your story too, capice?
391
00:21:17,405 --> 00:21:20,442
You say you've been having problems
392
00:21:20,443 --> 00:21:23,201
with this particular
bomb disposal computer?
393
00:21:23,202 --> 00:21:24,241
What?
394
00:21:24,242 --> 00:21:25,560
You must take good care,
395
00:21:25,561 --> 00:21:29,559
as the slightest movement can
initiate the detonator procedure.
396
00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:33,238
Seems to me like the domain
link is incapacitated,
397
00:21:33,239 --> 00:21:37,237
so perhaps you could try
turning off the robot,
398
00:21:37,338 --> 00:21:39,557
and then get the man
to run away quickly?
399
00:21:40,305 --> 00:22:40,175
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