1 00:00:02,297 --> 00:00:05,562 [ Chorus ] ## The Simpsons ## 2 00:00:08,069 --> 00:00:10,367 [ Bell Ringing ] 3 00:00:12,073 --> 00:00:15,133 [ Whistle Blowing ] 4 00:00:18,380 --> 00:00:20,314 [ Beeping ] 5 00:00:24,786 --> 00:00:27,152 ## [Jazzy Solo ] 6 00:00:31,726 --> 00:00:33,660 [ Tires Screeching ] 7 00:00:35,063 --> 00:00:36,997 D'oh! [ Screams ] 8 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:44,074 -== [ www.OpenSubtitles.org ] ==- 9 00:00:54,435 --> 00:00:55,959 Bart. 10 00:00:56,036 --> 00:00:57,333 Bart! 11 00:00:57,404 --> 00:00:58,894 Hey, Bart. 12 00:00:58,973 --> 00:01:00,338 [ Snorting ] 13 00:01:00,407 --> 00:01:01,738 [ Gasps ] 14 00:01:01,809 --> 00:01:04,539 Lisa! It's 6:00 a.m. 15 00:01:04,612 --> 00:01:06,546 Something's wrong. Dad died. 16 00:01:06,614 --> 00:01:08,775 No, no, he's fine. 17 00:01:08,849 --> 00:01:10,214 What do you know? 18 00:01:10,284 --> 00:01:11,216 I'm relieved. 19 00:01:11,285 --> 00:01:13,014 My birthday's in two days. 20 00:01:13,087 --> 00:01:14,679 I'll be eight years old. 21 00:01:14,755 --> 00:01:15,779 It's a big number-- 22 00:01:15,856 --> 00:01:17,016 almost double digits. 23 00:01:17,091 --> 00:01:18,353 Enjoy it while you can. 24 00:01:18,425 --> 00:01:20,893 Everything changes when you hit the big 1 -0. 25 00:01:20,961 --> 00:01:22,053 Your legs go. 26 00:01:22,129 --> 00:01:23,858 Candy doesn't taste as good. 27 00:01:23,931 --> 00:01:25,922 Let me pour my little heart out. 28 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:27,092 Sorry. 29 00:01:27,167 --> 00:01:29,362 This old-timer does ramble on sometimes. 30 00:01:29,436 --> 00:01:32,371 I do so much for you and you have disappointed me... 31 00:01:32,439 --> 00:01:34,066 - on all my birthdays. - Okay. 32 00:01:34,141 --> 00:01:35,904 I've made things for you-- 33 00:01:35,976 --> 00:01:37,238 Okay, okay, okay! 34 00:01:37,311 --> 00:01:38,300 It's done. 35 00:01:38,379 --> 00:01:40,279 Birthday gift coming your way! 36 00:01:40,347 --> 00:01:41,939 Oh, thank you. 37 00:01:42,016 --> 00:01:44,416 Bart, watch Maggie while I get the laundry. 38 00:01:44,485 --> 00:01:45,509 Can do. 39 00:01:45,586 --> 00:01:47,816 Hmm, Krusty Hotline. 40 00:01:51,258 --> 00:01:52,350 Hi, kids! 41 00:01:52,426 --> 00:01:54,519 You've reached the Krusty Hotline. 42 00:01:54,595 --> 00:01:57,530 If you haven't asked your parents' permission-- 43 00:01:57,598 --> 00:01:58,587 naughty, naughty... 44 00:01:58,666 --> 00:02:00,190 but Krusty forgives you. 45 00:02:00,267 --> 00:02:02,201 Two dollars for the first minute... 46 00:02:02,269 --> 00:02:04,703 50 cents for each additional minute. 47 00:02:04,772 --> 00:02:07,502 [ Krusty Laughing Hysterically ] 48 00:02:11,111 --> 00:02:14,205 [ Laughter Continues ] 49 00:02:16,283 --> 00:02:17,944 Thanks for calling, kids. 50 00:02:18,018 --> 00:02:19,610 A new message every day. 51 00:02:19,687 --> 00:02:20,745 Maggie! 52 00:02:20,821 --> 00:02:23,722 Bart, I asked you to watch your sister. 53 00:02:23,791 --> 00:02:26,316 I tried to stop her, but she overpowered me. 54 00:02:26,393 --> 00:02:28,657 Who stole my shirt? Who stole my shirt?! 55 00:02:28,729 --> 00:02:29,718 I washed it. 56 00:02:29,797 --> 00:02:31,059 Thank you, Marge. 57 00:02:31,131 --> 00:02:31,927 Ahh! 58 00:02:31,999 --> 00:02:32,931 Pink?! 59 00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:34,934 I can't wear pink to work. 60 00:02:35,002 --> 00:02:36,401 Everybody wears white. 61 00:02:36,470 --> 00:02:38,734 I'm not popular enough to be different. 62 00:02:38,806 --> 00:02:40,740 You have plenty of white shirts. 63 00:02:40,808 --> 00:02:42,241 Oh, gimme, gimme, gimme. 64 00:02:42,309 --> 00:02:43,901 Oh, no! Pink! 65 00:02:43,977 --> 00:02:46,070 Pink! Pink! 66 00:02:46,146 --> 00:02:48,876 [ Sobbing ] It's all over, Marge! 67 00:02:48,949 --> 00:02:50,348 It's all over! 68 00:02:50,417 --> 00:02:52,476 I don't know how this happened. 69 00:02:52,553 --> 00:02:54,145 Ah, my lucky red hat. 70 00:02:54,221 --> 00:02:55,688 Clean as a whistle. 71 00:02:55,756 --> 00:02:58,020 You did this to me! 72 00:02:58,092 --> 00:02:59,684 I... apologize. 73 00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:01,193 No one will notice... 74 00:03:01,261 --> 00:03:03,320 if you wear a pink shirt to work. 75 00:03:04,598 --> 00:03:06,725 [ Mr. Burns ] Wait a minute. 76 00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:08,461 Go back. 77 00:03:08,535 --> 00:03:10,025 Zoom in. 78 00:03:10,104 --> 00:03:12,265 Why is that man in pink?! 79 00:03:12,339 --> 00:03:14,807 That's Homer Simpson-- a boob from Sector 7-G. 80 00:03:14,875 --> 00:03:17,105 Judging by his outlandish attire... 81 00:03:17,177 --> 00:03:20,203 he's some sort of freethinking anarchist. 82 00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:21,872 I'll call security, sir. 83 00:03:21,949 --> 00:03:23,143 Excellent. 84 00:03:23,217 --> 00:03:24,650 Yes, these color monitors... 85 00:03:24,718 --> 00:03:26,652 have already paid for themselves. 86 00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:29,621 [ Man ] Pink! I don't get his statement. 87 00:03:29,690 --> 00:03:31,385 Shh, shh, shh. Coming. 88 00:03:31,458 --> 00:03:32,618 Hey, Homer... 89 00:03:32,693 --> 00:03:34,058 we saved you a doughnut. 90 00:03:34,128 --> 00:03:36,062 It has pink frosting. 91 00:03:36,130 --> 00:03:37,222 [ Laughter] 92 00:03:37,297 --> 00:03:38,559 Thanks. 93 00:03:38,632 --> 00:03:39,724 It looks-- 94 00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:41,062 Hey, wait a minute! 95 00:03:41,135 --> 00:03:43,069 Just because I'm wearing pink... 96 00:03:43,137 --> 00:03:46,504 doesn't mean I'm some kind of pink doughnut-eater... 97 00:03:46,573 --> 00:03:48,165 although it is tempting. 98 00:03:48,242 --> 00:03:49,174 [ Smacks Lips ] 99 00:03:49,243 --> 00:03:50,335 Drop that doughnut. 100 00:03:50,411 --> 00:03:52,743 Let's go, pinky. 101 00:03:52,813 --> 00:03:54,144 You don't understand. 102 00:03:54,214 --> 00:03:58,014 My son just threw his red hat in with the white laundry. 103 00:03:58,085 --> 00:04:00,781 Spare me the tiresome antics of the Simpson family. 104 00:04:00,854 --> 00:04:02,014 Take him away. 105 00:04:02,089 --> 00:04:04,887 His body cavity search revealed nothing. 106 00:04:04,958 --> 00:04:07,324 We must have X-rayed him a hundred times. 107 00:04:07,394 --> 00:04:09,123 Maybe he's telling the truth. 108 00:04:09,196 --> 00:04:10,527 Or you're in cahoots. 109 00:04:10,597 --> 00:04:13,896 I recall you had a penchant for bell-bottomed trousers... 110 00:04:13,967 --> 00:04:15,127 back in '7 9. 111 00:04:15,202 --> 00:04:17,727 That was my costume for the plant production... 112 00:04:17,805 --> 00:04:18,737 of H.M.S. Pinafore. 113 00:04:18,806 --> 00:04:19,864 Yes, of course. 114 00:04:19,940 --> 00:04:22,374 Your spirited hornpipe stole the show. 115 00:04:22,443 --> 00:04:23,933 Doctor, what should we do... 116 00:04:24,011 --> 00:04:25,706 about our freewheeling fop? 117 00:04:25,779 --> 00:04:28,043 It used to be that establishing sanity... 118 00:04:28,115 --> 00:04:29,173 took months. 119 00:04:29,249 --> 00:04:30,273 That's all changed... 120 00:04:30,350 --> 00:04:32,284 thanks to the Marvin Monroe... 121 00:04:32,352 --> 00:04:34,286 Take-Home Personality Test. 122 00:04:34,354 --> 00:04:36,618 20 simple questions that will determine... 123 00:04:36,690 --> 00:04:40,717 just how crazy or ''meshuggener'' someone is. 124 00:04:40,794 --> 00:04:42,227 ''Print name.'' 125 00:04:42,296 --> 00:04:44,059 Oh! 126 00:04:45,199 --> 00:04:47,224 ## [ Humming ] 127 00:04:47,301 --> 00:04:49,166 Hmm. 128 00:04:49,236 --> 00:04:50,828 Hmm! 129 00:04:52,072 --> 00:04:53,835 Honey, do me a favor. 130 00:04:53,907 --> 00:04:55,272 Fill out this form. 131 00:04:55,342 --> 00:04:58,004 This is an intimate psychological profile. 132 00:04:58,078 --> 00:05:00,012 I can't fill this out for you. 133 00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:01,342 All right, all right. 134 00:05:01,415 --> 00:05:02,848 I'll get Lisa to do it. 135 00:05:02,916 --> 00:05:04,713 Lisa, you like homework. 136 00:05:04,785 --> 00:05:06,616 Could you fill out this form? 137 00:05:06,687 --> 00:05:07,619 Well, all right... 138 00:05:07,688 --> 00:05:09,349 if you listen to my poem. 139 00:05:09,423 --> 00:05:10,947 D-ohh! Okay. 140 00:05:11,024 --> 00:05:14,187 '''Meditations on Turning Eight' by Lisa Simpson. 141 00:05:14,261 --> 00:05:16,058 I had a cat named Snowball. 142 00:05:16,129 --> 00:05:17,391 She died, she died! 143 00:05:17,464 --> 00:05:20,228 Mom said she was sleeping. 144 00:05:20,300 --> 00:05:22,200 She lied, she lied! 145 00:05:22,269 --> 00:05:24,294 Why, oh, why is my cat dead? 146 00:05:24,371 --> 00:05:27,067 Couldn't that Chrysler hit me instead? 147 00:05:27,140 --> 00:05:29,199 I had a hamster named Snuffy--'' 148 00:05:29,276 --> 00:05:30,243 No deal. 149 00:05:30,310 --> 00:05:31,868 Dad, you should do this. 150 00:05:31,945 --> 00:05:33,037 It's no different... 151 00:05:33,113 --> 00:05:35,377 than the time I let you vote for me. 152 00:05:35,449 --> 00:05:37,314 Remember that absentee ballot? 153 00:05:37,384 --> 00:05:38,408 Oh, yeah. 154 00:05:38,485 --> 00:05:41,579 Our $50,000 home video finalists are: 155 00:05:41,655 --> 00:05:43,953 ''Man Breaking Hip.'' 156 00:05:44,024 --> 00:05:45,082 [ Man Screaming ] 157 00:05:45,158 --> 00:05:46,819 ''Dog on Fire.'' 158 00:05:46,894 --> 00:05:49,624 Ruff!. Anyone order a hot dog? 159 00:05:49,696 --> 00:05:51,994 [ Laughing ] 160 00:05:52,065 --> 00:05:53,396 Look at him! 161 00:05:53,467 --> 00:05:56,095 And finally, ''Baby With a Nail Gun.'' 162 00:05:56,169 --> 00:05:57,158 [ Nail Gun Fires ] 163 00:05:57,237 --> 00:05:58,067 Aw. 164 00:05:58,138 --> 00:06:00,003 It's time to cast your votes. 165 00:06:00,073 --> 00:06:01,097 ''Dog on Fire!'' ''Dog on Fire!'' 166 00:06:01,174 --> 00:06:02,539 Do you hear voices? 167 00:06:02,609 --> 00:06:05,578 I'm hearing one now, though I'm trying to watch TV. 168 00:06:05,646 --> 00:06:07,409 Yes. Are you quick to anger? 169 00:06:07,481 --> 00:06:09,642 Bart, shut up or I'll shut you up! 170 00:06:09,716 --> 00:06:11,650 Yes. Do you wet your pants? 171 00:06:11,718 --> 00:06:16,485 Even the best of us has an occasional accident. 172 00:06:16,557 --> 00:06:17,649 Tsk, tsk, tsk. 173 00:06:17,724 --> 00:06:19,692 So did I pass? 174 00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:21,421 [ Laughing ] No. 175 00:06:21,495 --> 00:06:22,484 Bart! 176 00:06:22,563 --> 00:06:23,689 Careful, men. 177 00:06:23,764 --> 00:06:25,493 He wets his pants. 178 00:06:25,566 --> 00:06:26,794 [ Siren Blaring ] 179 00:06:29,570 --> 00:06:30,764 Uhh... 180 00:06:30,837 --> 00:06:33,032 the devil with his fly open. 181 00:06:33,106 --> 00:06:34,368 Right. 182 00:06:34,441 --> 00:06:37,205 A spill on the floor with bugs going after it. 183 00:06:37,277 --> 00:06:39,302 Good. 184 00:06:39,379 --> 00:06:40,311 The boy! 185 00:06:40,380 --> 00:06:41,438 This isn't fair! 186 00:06:41,515 --> 00:06:43,244 How can you tell who's sane... 187 00:06:43,317 --> 00:06:44,614 and who's insane? 188 00:06:44,685 --> 00:06:46,550 We have a very simple method. 189 00:06:47,854 --> 00:06:50,789 Whoever has that stamp on his hand is insane. 190 00:06:50,857 --> 00:06:53,792 [ Guard ] Put him in with the big white guy... 191 00:06:53,860 --> 00:06:56,488 who thinks he's the little black guy. 192 00:07:02,603 --> 00:07:03,831 Who are you? 193 00:07:03,904 --> 00:07:05,633 I'm MichaelJackson from theJacksons. 194 00:07:05,706 --> 00:07:08,072 I'm Homer Simpson from the Simpsons. 195 00:07:12,467 --> 00:07:15,766 I can't believe you never heard of me. I'm a very popular entertainer. 196 00:07:15,837 --> 00:07:17,805 Of course, I've heard of you. 197 00:07:17,873 --> 00:07:20,398 You'd have to be living under a rock-- 198 00:07:20,475 --> 00:07:21,567 What's your name? 199 00:07:21,643 --> 00:07:22,405 MichaelJackson. 200 00:07:22,477 --> 00:07:23,466 Doesn't ring a bell. 201 00:07:23,545 --> 00:07:25,012 Heard of MTV or Motown? 202 00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:25,569 No. 203 00:07:25,647 --> 00:07:26,170 ''Beat It''? 204 00:07:26,248 --> 00:07:26,771 You beat it. 205 00:07:26,848 --> 00:07:27,405 ''Thriller''? 206 00:07:27,482 --> 00:07:28,141 What was that? 207 00:07:28,216 --> 00:07:28,978 - ''Thriller.'' - No. 208 00:07:29,050 --> 00:07:30,039 How about this? 209 00:07:30,118 --> 00:07:33,315 # BillyJean is not my lover # 210 00:07:33,388 --> 00:07:38,087 # She's just a girl who says that I am the one # 211 00:07:38,159 --> 00:07:42,095 # But the kid is not my son # 212 00:07:42,163 --> 00:07:43,596 # Hee-hee-hee ## 213 00:07:43,665 --> 00:07:44,597 Wow! 214 00:07:44,666 --> 00:07:46,293 How do your feet do that? 215 00:07:46,368 --> 00:07:47,528 The moonwalk? 216 00:07:47,602 --> 00:07:48,796 No, your feet! 217 00:07:48,870 --> 00:07:50,599 Raise your heel a bit. 218 00:07:50,672 --> 00:07:53,436 Put a little pressure on the ball of your foot. 219 00:07:53,508 --> 00:07:54,566 Uh-huh. 220 00:07:54,643 --> 00:07:55,701 Huh? 221 00:07:55,777 --> 00:07:56,766 D'oh! 222 00:07:56,845 --> 00:07:58,039 [ Laughing ] 223 00:07:58,113 --> 00:07:59,774 You seem like a nice guy. 224 00:07:59,848 --> 00:08:01,145 Why are you here? 225 00:08:01,216 --> 00:08:02,877 I wore a pink shirt. 226 00:08:02,951 --> 00:08:04,111 I understand. 227 00:08:04,185 --> 00:08:06,210 People thought I dressed crazy. 228 00:08:06,288 --> 00:08:06,879 What did you wear? 229 00:08:06,955 --> 00:08:07,887 One white glove... 230 00:08:07,956 --> 00:08:09,253 covered with rhinestones. 231 00:08:09,324 --> 00:08:11,485 [ Nonsensical Blubbering ] 232 00:08:11,559 --> 00:08:13,026 ##...and Scratchy Show ## 233 00:08:28,009 --> 00:08:30,307 [ Laughing ] 234 00:08:30,378 --> 00:08:32,846 In the split second before he died... 235 00:08:32,914 --> 00:08:35,906 I bet Scratchy appreciated his birthday present. 236 00:08:35,984 --> 00:08:38,646 Do you see how this relates to us? 237 00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:40,881 You want that once-a-year empty gesture? 238 00:08:40,956 --> 00:08:41,923 You got it. 239 00:08:43,158 --> 00:08:45,752 [ Homer] Hey, Michael, I don't get it. 240 00:08:45,827 --> 00:08:48,421 These guys seem as normal as you and me. 241 00:08:48,496 --> 00:08:49,929 Homer, this is Floyd. 242 00:08:49,998 --> 00:08:51,363 He's an idiot savant. 243 00:08:51,433 --> 00:08:53,765 He can multiply any two numbers... 244 00:08:53,835 --> 00:08:55,928 in his head just like that. 245 00:08:56,004 --> 00:08:57,096 Five times nine. 246 00:08:57,172 --> 00:08:58,104 Forty-five. 247 00:08:58,173 --> 00:08:59,105 Wow! 248 00:09:00,442 --> 00:09:01,773 This guy is the chief. 249 00:09:01,843 --> 00:09:04,004 He's been here since 1 968. 250 00:09:04,079 --> 00:09:05,273 Never says a word. 251 00:09:05,347 --> 00:09:06,439 Hey, Chief. 252 00:09:06,514 --> 00:09:08,106 Hello. 253 00:09:08,183 --> 00:09:11,414 It's about time somebody reach out to me. 254 00:09:11,486 --> 00:09:14,614 Gee, I got to call my family. 255 00:09:16,091 --> 00:09:19,288 This is embarrassing calling from a nuthouse. 256 00:09:19,361 --> 00:09:20,851 They think I'm a god. 257 00:09:20,929 --> 00:09:21,987 I could call for you. 258 00:09:22,063 --> 00:09:23,121 Oh, great. 259 00:09:23,198 --> 00:09:25,792 Tell them this is one of those places... 260 00:09:25,867 --> 00:09:27,960 where rich women lose weight. 261 00:09:28,036 --> 00:09:29,230 [ Ringing ] 262 00:09:29,304 --> 00:09:31,204 Joe's Crematorium. You kill 'em, we grill 'em. 263 00:09:31,272 --> 00:09:32,705 Hello. Who is this? 264 00:09:32,774 --> 00:09:34,639 Bart Simpson. Who are you? 265 00:09:34,709 --> 00:09:35,801 I'm MichaelJackson. 266 00:09:35,877 --> 00:09:37,071 The MichaelJackson? 267 00:09:37,145 --> 00:09:38,271 No way. 268 00:09:38,346 --> 00:09:40,610 I'm with your father in a mental institution. 269 00:09:40,682 --> 00:09:42,411 Is Elvis with you? 270 00:09:42,484 --> 00:09:43,416 He could be. 271 00:09:43,485 --> 00:09:45,350 It's a big hospital. 272 00:09:45,420 --> 00:09:47,320 If you're really MichaelJackson... 273 00:09:47,389 --> 00:09:49,823 who were your last four Grammy dates? 274 00:09:49,891 --> 00:09:52,189 Brooke Shields, Diana Ross, Emmanuel Lewis and Bubbles. 275 00:09:52,260 --> 00:09:54,820 Shiver me timbers! You are MichaelJackson! 276 00:09:54,896 --> 00:09:57,364 Can you stay on the line while I get all my friends and relatives? 277 00:09:57,432 --> 00:09:58,364 I'm afraid not. 278 00:09:58,433 --> 00:10:00,401 Your father needs your help. 279 00:10:00,468 --> 00:10:03,335 You don't want him to get a lobotomy, do you? 280 00:10:03,405 --> 00:10:04,872 Hmm... lobotomy. 281 00:10:07,742 --> 00:10:10,836 That's all right, son. 282 00:10:10,912 --> 00:10:14,006 There's probably a downside I don't see. 283 00:10:14,082 --> 00:10:15,174 Uh-huh. 284 00:10:15,250 --> 00:10:16,512 New Bedlam Asylum. 285 00:10:16,584 --> 00:10:17,516 Loves us. 286 00:10:17,585 --> 00:10:18,517 Needs us. 287 00:10:18,586 --> 00:10:21,020 Fears he may never see us again. 288 00:10:21,089 --> 00:10:22,681 MichaelJackson, whoo-hoo! 289 00:10:22,757 --> 00:10:24,019 I love you, man. 290 00:10:24,092 --> 00:10:25,389 Hey, Mom... 291 00:10:25,460 --> 00:10:27,690 Dad's in a mental institution. 292 00:10:27,762 --> 00:10:28,854 Oh, my God. 293 00:10:28,930 --> 00:10:30,192 Mother was right. 294 00:10:30,265 --> 00:10:32,563 ## [ Bart Humming ''Beat It'' ] 295 00:10:32,634 --> 00:10:33,896 Don't you worry. 296 00:10:33,968 --> 00:10:36,300 Your family will be here soon. 297 00:10:36,371 --> 00:10:38,464 The only way out ain't pretty. 298 00:10:38,540 --> 00:10:39,529 What's that? 299 00:10:39,607 --> 00:10:41,074 Dating a nurse. 300 00:10:41,142 --> 00:10:44,305 I knew you'd send your father to the crazy house. 301 00:10:44,379 --> 00:10:45,846 You said poorhouse. 302 00:10:45,914 --> 00:10:47,074 I said crazy house! 303 00:10:47,148 --> 00:10:47,671 Poorhouse. 304 00:10:47,749 --> 00:10:48,511 Crazy house! 305 00:10:48,583 --> 00:10:49,174 Poorhouse. 306 00:10:49,250 --> 00:10:50,444 Crazy house! 307 00:10:50,518 --> 00:10:51,985 [ Man ] Hello, you've reached... 308 00:10:52,053 --> 00:10:54,988 the New Bedlam Wrongly-Committed Hotline. 309 00:10:55,056 --> 00:10:57,650 All our operators are currently busy. 310 00:10:57,725 --> 00:10:59,317 Please stay on the line. 311 00:11:03,131 --> 00:11:04,723 [ Sobbing ] 312 00:11:04,799 --> 00:11:06,664 What's wrong, Homer? 313 00:11:06,734 --> 00:11:09,168 This place is so strange. 314 00:11:09,237 --> 00:11:13,003 Mike, I'm ashamed to admit it to another guy... 315 00:11:13,074 --> 00:11:16,601 but I'm... scared. 316 00:11:16,678 --> 00:11:18,839 We all get scared sometimes. 317 00:11:18,913 --> 00:11:20,847 Maybe I can help you. 318 00:11:47,208 --> 00:11:49,142 [ Mumbling ] Hot cakes... 319 00:11:49,210 --> 00:11:50,802 football... 320 00:11:50,879 --> 00:11:52,642 boobies-- 321 00:11:52,714 --> 00:11:56,150 Bubbles, it's going to be a long night. 322 00:11:59,823 --> 00:12:02,018 Please express yourselves. 323 00:12:02,092 --> 00:12:06,051 In these sessions, we want you to feel relaxed and uninhibited. 324 00:12:06,129 --> 00:12:08,654 I was working at an insurance company. 325 00:12:08,732 --> 00:12:11,428 Youngest V.P. In the history of the firm. 326 00:12:11,501 --> 00:12:13,093 The job was my life. 327 00:12:13,170 --> 00:12:16,435 Then one Monday morning, I couldn't leave the house. 328 00:12:16,506 --> 00:12:18,098 Was the door locked? 329 00:12:18,175 --> 00:12:20,837 I just couldn't face what was out there. 330 00:12:20,911 --> 00:12:21,639 Was it raining? 331 00:12:21,712 --> 00:12:22,770 No, Homer... 332 00:12:22,846 --> 00:12:25,178 Dave suffers from agoraphobia-- 333 00:12:25,248 --> 00:12:27,546 a fear of open areas and crowds. 334 00:12:27,617 --> 00:12:28,879 Dave, go on. 335 00:12:28,952 --> 00:12:32,353 I knew I just couldn't make that long drive to work. 336 00:12:32,422 --> 00:12:33,616 Were you out of gas? 337 00:12:34,825 --> 00:12:36,588 [ Snorts ] Baby. 338 00:12:36,660 --> 00:12:39,925 Your husband suffers from a persecution complex... 339 00:12:39,996 --> 00:12:43,295 extreme paranoia and bladder hostility. 340 00:12:43,367 --> 00:12:45,858 If you talk to him without mentioning Bart... 341 00:12:45,936 --> 00:12:47,733 you'd see how sane he is. 342 00:12:47,804 --> 00:12:50,637 You mean there really is a Bart? Good Lord! 343 00:12:50,707 --> 00:12:51,969 Mmm, pancakes. 344 00:12:52,042 --> 00:12:55,102 [ Doctor] Oh, Mr. Simpson, you've got a visitor. 345 00:12:55,178 --> 00:12:56,270 D'oh! 346 00:12:57,614 --> 00:12:58,546 Marge! 347 00:12:58,615 --> 00:13:00,207 Oh, Homie! 348 00:13:05,489 --> 00:13:07,286 After talking to your wife... 349 00:13:07,357 --> 00:13:10,349 we believe you're no threat to yourself or others. 350 00:13:10,427 --> 00:13:13,919 That's the most flattering thing anyone ever said to me. 351 00:13:13,997 --> 00:13:15,828 Could I have it in writing? 352 00:13:15,899 --> 00:13:17,264 [ Homer] ''Not insane.'' 353 00:13:17,334 --> 00:13:18,767 Hmm. 354 00:13:18,835 --> 00:13:20,632 I'm proud of you, Homer. 355 00:13:20,704 --> 00:13:23,798 Michael, you really helped me get through this. 356 00:13:23,874 --> 00:13:26,365 If you ever find your marbles, come visit us. 357 00:13:26,443 --> 00:13:28,741 How about today? I'm here voluntarily. 358 00:13:28,812 --> 00:13:30,006 You are? Why? 359 00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:31,945 In 1 97 9, I got real depressed... 360 00:13:32,015 --> 00:13:33,676 when my Off the Wall album... 361 00:13:33,750 --> 00:13:36,082 just got one lousy Grammy nomination. 362 00:13:50,267 --> 00:13:52,667 [ Crying ] 363 00:13:52,736 --> 00:13:54,670 [ Horn Screeching ] 364 00:13:54,738 --> 00:13:55,932 [ Ringing ] 365 00:13:56,006 --> 00:13:58,440 Joe's Taxidermy. You snuff'em, we stuff'em. 366 00:13:58,508 --> 00:14:00,169 Boy, when I get home... 367 00:14:00,243 --> 00:14:03,007 I'm going to wrap my hands around your neck... 368 00:14:03,079 --> 00:14:04,979 and smother you with kisses. 369 00:14:05,048 --> 00:14:07,778 Whatever they got you on, cut the dose. 370 00:14:07,851 --> 00:14:09,944 I'm bringing MichaelJackson home... 371 00:14:10,020 --> 00:14:11,544 for a few days. 372 00:14:11,621 --> 00:14:14,021 Isn't that cute? He's heard of you. 373 00:14:14,090 --> 00:14:17,548 Make sure we have cold cuts, and put some beer on ice-- 374 00:14:17,627 --> 00:14:19,959 I'm a vegetarian, and I don't drink. 375 00:14:20,030 --> 00:14:22,590 Are you sure you're here voluntarily? 376 00:14:22,666 --> 00:14:23,690 Yes. 377 00:14:23,767 --> 00:14:24,756 Please make sure... 378 00:14:24,835 --> 00:14:26,860 he doesn't tell anybody I'm coming. 379 00:14:26,937 --> 00:14:29,030 Yes, Dad, I solemnly swear... 380 00:14:29,105 --> 00:14:31,573 I will not tell another living soul-- 381 00:14:31,641 --> 00:14:33,541 No, not even Milhouse. 382 00:14:33,610 --> 00:14:35,544 Huh? 383 00:14:35,612 --> 00:14:37,477 [ Grunting ] 384 00:14:37,547 --> 00:14:39,139 Hello, Milhouse? 385 00:14:39,216 --> 00:14:41,116 Can you keep a secret? 386 00:14:41,184 --> 00:14:41,775 No. 387 00:14:41,852 --> 00:14:43,114 MichaelJackson... 388 00:14:43,186 --> 00:14:44,585 is coming to my house! 389 00:14:44,654 --> 00:14:46,246 MichaelJackson?! 390 00:14:46,323 --> 00:14:47,847 MichaelJackson?! 391 00:14:47,924 --> 00:14:49,118 MichaelJackson?! 392 00:14:49,192 --> 00:14:50,921 Aunt Bella?! Wait a minute. 393 00:14:50,994 --> 00:14:52,962 I got a call on the other line. 394 00:14:53,029 --> 00:14:54,291 MichaelJackson?! 395 00:14:54,364 --> 00:14:55,524 MichaelJackson?! 396 00:14:55,599 --> 00:14:56,793 MichaelJackson?! 397 00:14:56,867 --> 00:14:58,061 MichaelJackson?! 398 00:14:58,134 --> 00:15:01,069 [ All ] MichaelJackson?! 399 00:15:01,137 --> 00:15:04,300 We've just been handed a bulletin from our Rock 'n' Rumor department. 400 00:15:04,374 --> 00:15:08,811 MichaelJackson is moonwalking his way to Springfield. 401 00:15:08,879 --> 00:15:11,347 While we check it out... 402 00:15:11,414 --> 00:15:13,678 why don't you enjoy a seldom-heard... 403 00:15:13,750 --> 00:15:16,685 extra-long version of''In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida.'' 404 00:15:16,753 --> 00:15:18,186 MichaelJackson! 405 00:15:18,255 --> 00:15:21,053 Such a thing happens once in a blue moon. 406 00:15:21,124 --> 00:15:23,024 Do I dare leave my post? 407 00:15:26,963 --> 00:15:29,488 [ Helicopter Approaching ] 408 00:15:29,566 --> 00:15:31,500 Ay, caramba! 409 00:15:33,937 --> 00:15:36,235 Uh, this is the most exciting thing... 410 00:15:36,306 --> 00:15:38,365 to happen to our fair town... 411 00:15:38,441 --> 00:15:42,104 since the Dalai Lama visited in 1 952 412 00:15:42,178 --> 00:15:44,976 and so, I hereby declare that Route 401 413 00:15:45,048 --> 00:15:48,040 currently known as the Dalai Lama Expressway... 414 00:15:48,118 --> 00:15:52,214 will henceforth be known as the MichaelJackson Expressway. 415 00:15:52,289 --> 00:15:54,052 I think I can see him. 416 00:15:54,124 --> 00:15:56,149 Oh, here he comes. Oh! 417 00:15:56,226 --> 00:15:58,786 [ Crowd Murmuring ] 418 00:15:58,862 --> 00:16:02,423 The guy in the pink shirt is the father of the family... 419 00:16:02,499 --> 00:16:05,525 who was just released from a mental hospital. 420 00:16:05,602 --> 00:16:08,093 Thanks, everybody. It's great to be sane. 421 00:16:08,171 --> 00:16:09,468 [ Crowd ] We want Michael! 422 00:16:09,539 --> 00:16:11,006 We want Michael! 423 00:16:11,074 --> 00:16:12,098 We want Michael! 424 00:16:12,175 --> 00:16:13,073 Here he is. 425 00:16:13,143 --> 00:16:14,735 Here's the guy... 426 00:16:14,811 --> 00:16:16,438 you want to see! 427 00:16:16,513 --> 00:16:17,138 Aahh! 428 00:16:20,850 --> 00:16:22,579 Huh? Huh? 429 00:16:22,652 --> 00:16:23,914 He's 300 pounds. 430 00:16:23,987 --> 00:16:25,079 He's white. 431 00:16:25,155 --> 00:16:26,986 He's dressed without flair. 432 00:16:27,057 --> 00:16:29,423 [ Crowd Booing ] 433 00:16:29,492 --> 00:16:31,392 [ Mayor] What made me think... 434 00:16:31,461 --> 00:16:35,329 MichaelJackson would even visit this jerkwater burg? 435 00:16:35,398 --> 00:16:37,366 You owe us MichaelJackson. 436 00:16:37,434 --> 00:16:41,370 Don't ever show your face around here again, you tool. 437 00:16:43,106 --> 00:16:46,473 Bart, the entire town is howling for your blood... 438 00:16:46,543 --> 00:16:49,637 and before I join them, I have one question. 439 00:16:49,713 --> 00:16:51,647 Today is my birthday. 440 00:16:51,715 --> 00:16:54,980 You promised you'd get me something and... 441 00:16:55,051 --> 00:16:57,042 and I'm afraid to ask. 442 00:16:57,120 --> 00:17:00,214 Maybe you should trust that instinct and not ask. 443 00:17:00,290 --> 00:17:02,087 I thought so. 444 00:17:02,158 --> 00:17:04,388 Oh, Bart, you-- 445 00:17:04,461 --> 00:17:07,055 [ Crying ] 446 00:17:07,130 --> 00:17:09,394 [ Door Slams ] 447 00:17:09,466 --> 00:17:11,400 [ Growling ] 448 00:17:11,468 --> 00:17:13,129 Come off!. 449 00:17:13,203 --> 00:17:14,795 I'm sane now. 450 00:17:16,473 --> 00:17:18,304 Dear Bart... 451 00:17:18,375 --> 00:17:21,367 I am using the stationery Mom and Dad gave me... 452 00:17:21,444 --> 00:17:22,877 for my birthday... 453 00:17:22,946 --> 00:17:27,007 to inform you that we are now brother and sister in name only. 454 00:17:27,083 --> 00:17:29,517 Perhaps, if a professional so advises... 455 00:17:29,586 --> 00:17:31,349 I will give you a hug... 456 00:17:31,421 --> 00:17:33,685 at some far distant family reunion... 457 00:17:33,757 --> 00:17:36,851 but rest assured, it will be purely for show. 458 00:17:36,926 --> 00:17:38,860 [ Crying ] 459 00:17:38,928 --> 00:17:41,863 Tsk, tsk, tsk. 460 00:17:42,966 --> 00:17:44,627 Hey, Bart. 461 00:17:44,701 --> 00:17:46,066 Hey, you. 462 00:17:46,136 --> 00:17:48,468 When I was a kid, I didn't have much money. 463 00:17:48,538 --> 00:17:50,870 You know what I did when my sisters' birthdays rolled around? 464 00:17:50,940 --> 00:17:52,032 Stiffed them? 465 00:17:52,108 --> 00:17:55,236 No. I wrote them a song to show that I cared. 466 00:17:55,311 --> 00:17:57,711 I can't write a song. I'm only ten. 467 00:17:57,781 --> 00:18:00,875 When I was your age I had six gold records. 468 00:18:00,950 --> 00:18:04,579 Hey, Looney Tunes, this is what MichaelJackson looks like. 469 00:18:04,654 --> 00:18:07,282 You look like a big, fat mental patient. 470 00:18:07,357 --> 00:18:08,688 I often hear that. 471 00:18:08,758 --> 00:18:10,248 Just leave me alone. 472 00:18:10,326 --> 00:18:12,260 Either MichaelJackson is working... 473 00:18:12,328 --> 00:18:14,421 in a recording studio in L.A... 474 00:18:14,497 --> 00:18:17,762 or he's here with you willing to work on this song. 475 00:18:17,834 --> 00:18:19,426 It's your choice. 476 00:18:19,502 --> 00:18:20,764 So long. 477 00:18:20,837 --> 00:18:22,361 Wait, wait, Michael! 478 00:18:22,439 --> 00:18:25,772 Go sit at the piano, and I'll boil some coffee. 479 00:18:25,842 --> 00:18:28,675 ## [ Singing To Theme From Bridge on the River Kwai ] 480 00:18:41,624 --> 00:18:42,852 Uh, no. 481 00:18:42,926 --> 00:18:44,826 Bart, we've got to get... 482 00:18:44,894 --> 00:18:47,692 to your real feelings about your sister. 483 00:18:47,764 --> 00:18:49,026 I don't have any. 484 00:18:49,099 --> 00:18:50,532 Let's go look at her. 485 00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:52,067 Maybe that will help. 486 00:18:52,135 --> 00:18:54,660 Oh, she looks sad. 487 00:18:54,738 --> 00:18:57,901 That's 'cause she knows you're looking at her. 488 00:18:57,974 --> 00:19:02,070 Although I know you're looking at me, I would look exactly the same, even if you weren't. 489 00:19:02,145 --> 00:19:05,046 ## [Jazz ] 490 00:19:05,115 --> 00:19:07,049 Bart, think. 491 00:19:07,117 --> 00:19:09,085 What happens to you... 492 00:19:09,152 --> 00:19:10,744 when you turn eight? 493 00:19:10,820 --> 00:19:13,846 Well, your training wheels come off your bike. 494 00:19:13,923 --> 00:19:15,185 Good. That's good. 495 00:19:22,298 --> 00:19:23,959 You're just putting that in... 496 00:19:24,033 --> 00:19:25,728 because it's commercial. 497 00:19:28,171 --> 00:19:29,433 ####[ Bart Whistling ] 498 00:19:32,142 --> 00:19:34,610 [ Groaning ] 499 00:19:38,148 --> 00:19:40,412 - Lisa. - Lisa. 500 00:19:40,483 --> 00:19:42,417 - Lisa. - Lisa. 501 00:19:42,485 --> 00:19:45,477 - Lisa. - Lisa. 502 00:19:46,589 --> 00:19:48,079 [ Snorting ] 503 00:19:48,158 --> 00:19:49,750 [ Coughing ] 504 00:19:49,826 --> 00:19:51,760 What, Bart? It's 6:00 a.m. 505 00:19:51,828 --> 00:19:53,261 That's right. 506 00:19:53,329 --> 00:19:55,354 Hope you like your present. 507 00:19:57,300 --> 00:20:00,428 And a-one and a-two and a-one, two, three, four. 508 00:20:02,372 --> 00:20:03,964 ## [ Michael Humming ] 509 00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:06,600 ## [ Pop ] 510 00:21:00,163 --> 00:21:01,596 Yeah! 511 00:21:01,664 --> 00:21:04,690 Oh, this is the best present I ever got! 512 00:21:04,767 --> 00:21:06,701 Thank you, Bart. Thank you, Michael. 513 00:21:06,769 --> 00:21:08,532 [ Deep East Coast Accent ] My work is done here. 514 00:21:08,605 --> 00:21:10,368 What happened to your voice? 515 00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:12,101 This is my real voice. 516 00:21:12,175 --> 00:21:13,642 I'm Leon Compowski. 517 00:21:13,710 --> 00:21:15,940 I'm a bricklayer from New Jersey. 518 00:21:16,012 --> 00:21:18,412 All my life I was angry, until one day... 519 00:21:18,481 --> 00:21:20,813 [ Michael's Voice ] I talked like this. 520 00:21:20,884 --> 00:21:23,079 [ Leon's Voice ] All of a sudden... 521 00:21:23,152 --> 00:21:25,052 everybody was smiling at me. 522 00:21:25,121 --> 00:21:26,986 So, I kept on doing it. 523 00:21:27,056 --> 00:21:30,389 To make a tired point, which one of us is truly crazy? 524 00:21:30,460 --> 00:21:32,690 Not me. I got this. 525 00:21:32,762 --> 00:21:34,389 [ Marge ] Bye-bye, Leon. 526 00:21:34,464 --> 00:21:36,830 [ Lisa ] You're a credit to dementia. 527 00:22:25,691 --> 00:22:29,286 [ Bart ] Take it away, Lise. 528 00:22:29,361 --> 00:22:32,922 ## [ Saxophone ] 529 00:22:51,316 --> 00:22:52,578 [ Michael ] Hoo! 530 00:22:52,651 --> 00:22:54,118 Shh! 531 00:22:55,305 --> 00:23:55,356 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today