1
00:00:02,920 --> 00:00:05,036
CHORUS [SINGS]:
The Simpsons
2
00:00:05,547 --> 00:00:06,673
Three Gays of the Condo
3
00:00:09,301 --> 00:00:11,094
D'oh! Ah!
4
00:00:14,431 --> 00:00:15,745
[SIZZLING]
5
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:26,933
[HOMER HUMS]
6
00:00:27,277 --> 00:00:30,093
I wonder what Mom came up with
for this week's Family Wednesday.
7
00:00:30,697 --> 00:00:33,075
I hope it's as fun as Pictionary was
last week.
8
00:00:33,617 --> 00:00:36,985
We weren't playing Pictionary. That was
an intervention to stop your drinking.
9
00:00:37,663 --> 00:00:39,967
What? Are you sure?
10
00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:41,583
Aw, ha, ha.
11
00:00:41,917 --> 00:00:44,847
Oh, that takes me back.
12
00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:52,104
- Here it is. This week's family activity.
- Oh, a jigsaw puzzle.
13
00:00:53,345 --> 00:00:56,901
"Concert in Golden Gate Park.
Ages 8 to 80."
14
00:00:57,599 --> 00:00:59,174
We know when we're not wanted.
15
00:00:59,601 --> 00:01:00,696
Hmph.
16
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:01,937
[DOOR SLAMS]
17
00:01:02,271 --> 00:01:04,168
The box says it's a perfect way
to spend the day.
18
00:01:04,648 --> 00:01:07,609
And why would a box lie to a person?
19
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:18,089
The first step is the funnest,
turning all the pieces face up.
20
00:01:18,704 --> 00:01:21,634
Go crazy, dorks.
I got better things to do.
21
00:01:22,249 --> 00:01:24,366
Hey, Bart, I fixed my rock tumbler.
22
00:01:24,877 --> 00:01:27,546
What do you say we turn this baby loose
on some feldspar?
23
00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:31,904
- I'm in.
- Oh, I hate this.
24
00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:34,584
It's making me use my arms.
25
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:38,098
Hey, these two pieces are already
connected. We're halfway there.
26
00:01:40,726 --> 00:01:42,477
HOMER:
Hmm...
27
00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:45,793
Does anyone have any swan heads?
I've got nothing but necks.
28
00:01:46,398 --> 00:01:48,661
Can't help you. All I got is gray.
29
00:01:49,193 --> 00:01:52,123
- Anybody working on a cement wall?
- Turn it over, Homer.
30
00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:57,878
Oh, right, ha, ha.
Chinese guy. Chinese guy. Frisbee dog.
31
00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:03,113
Ooh, look how late it is.
Let's get you kids some coffee.
32
00:02:04,750 --> 00:02:06,251
Homer, no scissors.
33
00:02:06,668 --> 00:02:08,097
It's how the pros do it.
34
00:02:13,592 --> 00:02:15,938
Sky, sky, sky with building...
35
00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:17,857
...grass, grass with foot...
36
00:02:18,263 --> 00:02:19,139
[LAUGHS]
37
00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:21,662
Bart's so poor,
he has to eat cardboard.
38
00:02:22,184 --> 00:02:24,196
- What are you eating?
- Drywall.
39
00:02:30,234 --> 00:02:34,039
Hey, kids. Uh, we're worried about your
dad. He ain't been to work for a week.
40
00:02:34,780 --> 00:02:36,605
What's he doing now?
Is he a rodeo clown?
41
00:02:37,074 --> 00:02:39,566
- Is he Poochie again?
- He's working on a jigsaw puzzle.
42
00:02:40,118 --> 00:02:42,934
Oh, I guess he's done
with all the fun stuff.
43
00:02:43,789 --> 00:02:44,665
Now let's see.
44
00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:47,814
This is either an old coconut
or Tom Hayden.
45
00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:49,951
Gee, Homer, that's super.
46
00:02:50,379 --> 00:02:52,568
But, uh, have you thought
about coming back to work?
47
00:02:53,090 --> 00:02:54,664
[YELLS]
48
00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:59,961
Hey, Homer,
what's with the deranged look?
49
00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:02,276
[BOTH GRUNTING]
50
00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:05,863
Ow! My eye.
I'm not supposed to get jigs in it.
51
00:03:08,105 --> 00:03:11,358
I can't believe our family
finished a project this complicated.
52
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:15,654
It's the only worthwhile thing
I ever made that wasn't Lisa.
53
00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:19,001
Prove me wrong, Silent Bob.
54
00:03:19,408 --> 00:03:22,963
Ooh, that's quite a thingamajigsaw,
but it looks like you're missing a piece.
55
00:03:23,662 --> 00:03:26,842
- Looks like you're missing a wife.
- Ha, ha, I walked right into that one.
56
00:03:27,499 --> 00:03:29,616
He's right, Dad.
We're missing that singer's head.
57
00:03:30,127 --> 00:03:31,336
[ALL GASP]
58
00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:35,007
This is awful. It's like listening
to Schubert's "Unfinished Symphony."
59
00:03:35,674 --> 00:03:38,343
Or when I messed up taping City
Slickers Il and cut off the end.
60
00:03:38,927 --> 00:03:40,387
Was Curly's gold just a legend?
61
00:03:40,804 --> 00:03:42,306
Or like when...
62
00:03:43,307 --> 00:03:45,653
I got nothing.
Uh, let's just find that piece.
63
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:53,254
Hey, remember that pet gerbil we used
to have? He didn't run away after all.
64
00:03:57,404 --> 00:04:00,584
Puzzle piece, come out and play.
65
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:02,294
Hey, what's this?
66
00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:03,712
"Marge's Memory Chest"?
67
00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:09,823
Aw, Marge saved all this stuff
from when we were going out.
68
00:04:10,459 --> 00:04:13,316
Fake business card I made
to impress her.
69
00:04:14,630 --> 00:04:16,308
T-shirt from our first rock concert.
70
00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:17,998
[HOMER CHUCKLES]
71
00:04:19,134 --> 00:04:22,022
"Meaux's Tavern grand opening."
72
00:04:22,638 --> 00:04:23,514
[CHUCKLES]
73
00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:26,193
That was back when his floors
were sticky with promise.
74
00:04:29,144 --> 00:04:30,020
[BELCHES]
75
00:04:30,354 --> 00:04:33,909
Welcome to Meaux's. Home
of the finest bar crystal in Springfield.
76
00:04:35,317 --> 00:04:36,745
[BREAKING]
77
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:39,404
Shouldn't have cheaped out
on the shelf.
78
00:04:39,863 --> 00:04:44,472
I can't believe how young we looked
in my memory.
79
00:04:45,327 --> 00:04:47,193
Hey, there's writing
on the back of this.
80
00:04:47,663 --> 00:04:48,570
"Dear Homer...
81
00:04:48,914 --> 00:04:53,304
...I can't believe you're making this
the worst night of my life"?
82
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:55,181
Huh?
83
00:04:56,088 --> 00:04:58,538
[THINKING] You leave me
sitting here all alone...
84
00:04:59,091 --> 00:05:01,833
...while you play video games
with your Neanderthal friends."
85
00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:03,856
Marge, come here.
86
00:05:04,847 --> 00:05:07,589
I need both hands for this game.
Can you feed me nachos while I play?
87
00:05:08,183 --> 00:05:09,497
Why don't you just stop playing?
88
00:05:09,893 --> 00:05:12,344
Tell that to the brave crew
of the S.S. Triangle.
89
00:05:12,896 --> 00:05:14,471
It's the evil rocks.
90
00:05:14,898 --> 00:05:15,951
Take that.
91
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:18,037
Homer, I really don't wanna feed you.
92
00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:21,926
Come on. You're always saying
we should do things as a couple.
93
00:05:27,202 --> 00:05:28,151
[MARGE GRUMBLES]
94
00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:30,320
Oh, this is wonderful.
95
00:05:30,789 --> 00:05:32,322
I love you...
96
00:05:32,749 --> 00:05:34,209
...Atari.
97
00:05:38,297 --> 00:05:39,829
Video games and too much beer.
98
00:05:40,257 --> 00:05:42,123
You sure know
how to show a girl a good time.
99
00:05:42,593 --> 00:05:44,094
Well, I aims to please.
100
00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:48,797
Hey, let's stop by that Dumpster
and make out, ha, ha.
101
00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:50,507
[GULPS]
102
00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:52,384
Hold that thought.
103
00:05:53,145 --> 00:05:54,678
[VOMITS]
104
00:05:55,564 --> 00:05:56,617
[HOMER MOANING AND GRUNTING]
105
00:05:56,982 --> 00:05:59,839
Young man, you've ingested
a dangerous amount of alcohol.
106
00:06:00,444 --> 00:06:02,936
The only dangerous amount is none.
107
00:06:03,488 --> 00:06:04,469
[GRUNTS]
108
00:06:04,823 --> 00:06:06,648
Let's go to the IHOP. I'm driving.
109
00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:10,370
MEDIC 1: All right, come on. Hey! Ow!
HOMER: Okay, Burger King. Whatever.
110
00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:12,425
MEDIC 2:
Get his leg.
111
00:06:12,831 --> 00:06:15,250
[THINKING] Tonight,
I learned the two of us can't work.
112
00:06:15,792 --> 00:06:17,909
I don't want a life
of watching you get drunk...
113
00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:21,600
...then holding back your long,
beautiful hair while you vomit.
114
00:06:22,257 --> 00:06:23,832
I have my own dreams.
115
00:06:24,259 --> 00:06:25,719
And I can't live them with you.
116
00:06:26,136 --> 00:06:28,628
Why did she stay with me
if she hated me so much?
117
00:06:29,181 --> 00:06:31,819
Hey, two days later,
she had a doctor's appointment.
118
00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:34,957
"Nausea, cravings,
knocked up feeling."
119
00:06:35,521 --> 00:06:37,199
She was pregnant with Bart.
120
00:06:37,648 --> 00:06:39,994
And that's the reason
she stayed with me.
121
00:06:40,526 --> 00:06:44,154
I found the missing puzzle piece.
It was under Maggie's eyelid.
122
00:06:44,863 --> 00:06:47,241
- How about that?
- It's James Taylor.
123
00:06:47,783 --> 00:06:50,348
Oh, the popular
singer/songwriter/puzzle piece.
124
00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:52,152
James Taylor.
125
00:06:52,538 --> 00:06:54,404
Homie, remember that song
we used to sing?
126
00:06:54,873 --> 00:06:57,907
- Mockingbird
- Yeah. Yeah. Whatever.
127
00:06:58,544 --> 00:06:59,670
Homie, what's wrong?
128
00:07:00,045 --> 00:07:02,568
Marge, did I ruin your life?
129
00:07:03,131 --> 00:07:05,321
Oh, is this about that billboard
my sisters put up?
130
00:07:09,721 --> 00:07:11,619
No. The voters will decide that
in November.
131
00:07:12,099 --> 00:07:14,476
- I was talking about this.
- Hmm?
132
00:07:15,018 --> 00:07:17,177
Oh, my God. I forgot all about this.
133
00:07:17,688 --> 00:07:20,180
- Where did you find it?
- More like where didn't I find it?
134
00:07:20,732 --> 00:07:22,672
It was practically everywhere.
135
00:07:23,151 --> 00:07:26,113
Homer, I'm sorry you saw that,
but I was very upset that night.
136
00:07:26,738 --> 00:07:29,408
Quit changing the subject.
How do you feel about me right now?
137
00:07:29,992 --> 00:07:31,712
Well, I love you, of course.
138
00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:34,204
But a lot of things you do
still drive me crazy.
139
00:07:34,705 --> 00:07:37,666
So you mean our whole marriage you've
been resenting me behind my back?
140
00:07:38,709 --> 00:07:39,658
A little bit, yeah.
141
00:07:40,002 --> 00:07:43,401
Fine. I'll go sleep with someone
who does appreciate me.
142
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:46,769
[CRYING]
143
00:07:47,301 --> 00:07:48,427
[GROANS]
144
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:51,294
Time to repress another memory.
145
00:07:52,598 --> 00:07:54,944
I am at Disneyland.
146
00:07:56,518 --> 00:07:58,343
Disneyland.
147
00:08:02,316 --> 00:08:04,328
You made your own breakfast?
148
00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:07,123
Looks like you had a problem
with those scrambled eggs.
149
00:08:07,654 --> 00:08:09,521
- It was a muffin.
- I'll fix you something.
150
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:13,285
Oh, I get it. Your stupid husband
is too "drunk" to do it right.
151
00:08:13,952 --> 00:08:15,892
Well, there are a lot of beer cans
around here.
152
00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:17,800
[CANS CLANKING]
153
00:08:18,207 --> 00:08:21,502
Oh, so you don't like it. What other
secrets have you been hoarding to use?
154
00:08:22,169 --> 00:08:24,515
Homer, let it go.
It's not always gonna be perfect.
155
00:08:25,047 --> 00:08:26,402
We've been married for 10 years.
156
00:08:26,798 --> 00:08:28,957
Oh, I didn't realize
you've been counting the years.
157
00:08:29,468 --> 00:08:33,096
- Is it that horrible living with me?
- This morning isn't a barrel of laughs.
158
00:08:33,805 --> 00:08:37,580
It is to me. Marge, I can't live like this.
I'm tired of walking around on eggshells.
159
00:08:38,310 --> 00:08:40,541
Maybe if you didn't throw them
on the floor.
160
00:08:41,063 --> 00:08:42,189
[CRACKING]
161
00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:44,024
Now you're just making up rules.
162
00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:47,110
Who made you Judge Judy
and executioner?
163
00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:52,418
Dad, where are you going?
164
00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:56,380
Kids, sometimes when a daddy learns
that a mommy always hated him...
165
00:08:57,079 --> 00:08:58,872
...he needs some time away to think.
166
00:08:59,331 --> 00:09:02,073
You're not gonna get divorced
like Milhouse's parents, are you?
167
00:09:02,668 --> 00:09:06,223
Ha, ha. Oh, no, no.
This is nothing like Milhouse's parents.
168
00:09:06,922 --> 00:09:10,029
Now, if you need me,
I'll be staying with Milhouse's father.
169
00:09:12,427 --> 00:09:13,887
[GUNSHOT]
170
00:09:15,556 --> 00:09:18,413
Uh, welcome to my place.
I just have a few rules.
171
00:09:19,017 --> 00:09:21,655
If you see a necktie on the doorknob,
I'm with a lady.
172
00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:24,492
- You don't have a doorknob.
- I don't have a tie either.
173
00:09:25,023 --> 00:09:26,337
Just go label your food.
174
00:09:28,986 --> 00:09:30,153
[KIRK CRYING]
175
00:09:30,529 --> 00:09:31,655
KIRK:
Oh, Luann.
176
00:09:32,030 --> 00:09:33,344
Luann.
177
00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:34,835
MAN 1 [CRYING]:
My money.
178
00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:36,629
MAN 2 [CRYING]:
Arlene!
179
00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:39,048
[MEN CRYING]
180
00:09:39,538 --> 00:09:41,477
[MEN HOWLING]
181
00:09:45,711 --> 00:09:49,517
Do I dare to go up? Or is the love
that waits behind that window just a lie?
182
00:09:51,550 --> 00:09:53,854
Uh, Homer, I think you want your house
next door?
183
00:09:54,386 --> 00:09:56,951
Pfft, stupid Flanders
with his misleading silhouette.
184
00:09:57,514 --> 00:09:59,933
Well, I guess I have no choice
but to go back home and...
185
00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:02,342
Hey.
I never noticed that newspaper box.
186
00:10:04,229 --> 00:10:07,889
"Apartment Finder.
We put you in your place.
187
00:10:08,609 --> 00:10:11,101
Roommate wanted
for three-bedroom apartment.
188
00:10:11,653 --> 00:10:15,167
Spacious, river view,
only $400 a month"?
189
00:10:15,866 --> 00:10:17,034
Thank you, news box.
190
00:10:17,409 --> 00:10:19,161
Ah! It's gone.
191
00:10:21,038 --> 00:10:24,187
All right.
I got me a place to put my "spiderses."
192
00:10:27,669 --> 00:10:28,837
What a well-kept street.
193
00:10:29,213 --> 00:10:32,320
And there sure are a lot of gay
bookstores for a straight neighborhood.
194
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:34,906
It's a cinch
these guys never had any kids.
195
00:10:37,846 --> 00:10:38,722
[BOTH GRUNT]
196
00:10:39,056 --> 00:10:40,182
Hey, Mr. Smithers.
197
00:10:40,557 --> 00:10:42,278
Ha. Hello, Simpson.
198
00:10:42,726 --> 00:10:45,729
What's the deal with this place?
It's so manly, yet scented.
199
00:10:46,355 --> 00:10:48,774
Ha, ha. Yes, I seem to have gotten lost
on my way to the, uh...
200
00:10:49,316 --> 00:10:51,068
...big auto, uh, racing festival.
201
00:10:51,527 --> 00:10:52,913
So I've never been here before.
202
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,739
- Hey, Waylon.
- Who's the bear? Woof!
203
00:10:56,281 --> 00:10:58,252
Ooh, is that the Mr. Burns
you're always talking about?
204
00:10:58,742 --> 00:11:00,348
No. He's nobody. Shut up, Stewart.
205
00:11:00,786 --> 00:11:02,392
Nice to meet you, Stewart.
206
00:11:03,413 --> 00:11:04,946
Homer, before you move in...
207
00:11:05,374 --> 00:11:08,158
...you should know that Julio and I
have an active social life.
208
00:11:08,752 --> 00:11:10,181
Me too.
I'm a member of this club...
209
00:11:10,587 --> 00:11:13,006
...where if I eat one more sub,
I get a free sub sandwich.
210
00:11:13,549 --> 00:11:15,926
You probably saw the ad where this guy
used to be fat but now he's just ugly.
211
00:11:16,468 --> 00:11:18,919
Homer, what Grady is saying is that...
How can I put this?
212
00:11:19,471 --> 00:11:22,943
Look, we might have a cocktails,
say, where all the guests are male.
213
00:11:23,642 --> 00:11:27,041
Are you trying to tell me that you guys
are those guys that like guys?
214
00:11:27,729 --> 00:11:29,116
That's right, Homer. We're gay.
215
00:11:29,523 --> 00:11:31,681
You are? Hmm. Which will win out?
216
00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:33,506
My old-fashioned prejudices...
217
00:11:33,902 --> 00:11:36,092
...or that I've already mixed my laundry
with yours.
218
00:11:36,613 --> 00:11:38,511
I'll have to sleep on it.
219
00:11:39,449 --> 00:11:40,503
[HOMER YAWNS]
220
00:11:40,868 --> 00:11:42,400
[SNORING]
221
00:11:43,787 --> 00:11:45,216
He's sleeping in the pantry.
222
00:11:45,622 --> 00:11:46,717
Ah! My spices.
223
00:11:47,958 --> 00:11:49,637
You guys lead a fascinating life.
224
00:11:50,085 --> 00:11:52,942
Why are you reading The New York
Times? You don't live in New York.
225
00:11:53,547 --> 00:11:57,613
Oh, I despise the Springfield Shopper.
What is that? The headlines are jokes.
226
00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:00,512
HOMER:
Mm.
227
00:12:00,846 --> 00:12:03,661
Where'd you buy this? From the guy
on the exit ramp? Disgusting.
228
00:12:04,266 --> 00:12:05,945
Calm down, Picky Ricardo.
229
00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:09,062
He made us a great breakfast
and you're just riding his butt...
230
00:12:09,646 --> 00:12:10,741
...and not in a good way.
231
00:12:11,106 --> 00:12:13,556
Thank you, Homer.
It's a pleasure cooking for you.
232
00:12:14,109 --> 00:12:16,268
Well, get used to it
because I'm gonna stay.
233
00:12:18,530 --> 00:12:20,543
Fabulous.
Here's the key to the lotion cabinet.
234
00:12:21,033 --> 00:12:23,003
Grady, are you sure
you want to live with him?
235
00:12:23,493 --> 00:12:26,351
It's either him or that girl
who put "Mother Earth" as a reference.
236
00:12:26,955 --> 00:12:28,999
And with a male roommate,
we can walk around naked.
237
00:12:29,499 --> 00:12:30,375
HOMER:
Way ahead of you.
238
00:12:30,709 --> 00:12:31,689
[HOMER HUMMING]
239
00:12:32,044 --> 00:12:32,920
Woo!
240
00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:36,350
Don't worry, sweetie.
Your father won't stay mad forever.
241
00:12:36,965 --> 00:12:38,644
It's so weird not having Dad here.
242
00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:41,876
I can't fall asleep
if I haven't read him his bedtime story.
243
00:12:42,471 --> 00:12:43,347
[PHONE RINGS]
244
00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:45,286
Hello? Hold on.
245
00:12:45,724 --> 00:12:47,445
"Nancy Drew let out a low whistle.
246
00:12:47,893 --> 00:12:51,522
'This isn't an old windmill at all.
It's a new windmill.""
247
00:12:52,231 --> 00:12:54,274
No, Dad. I'm sure she won't be killed.
248
00:12:54,775 --> 00:12:56,235
[PET SHOP BOYS'
"WEST END GIRLS" PLAYING]
249
00:12:56,652 --> 00:12:58,883
In a West End town, a dead end world
250
00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:02,626
The East End boys and West End girls
251
00:13:03,909 --> 00:13:06,172
West End girls
252
00:13:12,376 --> 00:13:13,950
West End girls
253
00:13:14,586 --> 00:13:16,964
- That will be $100.
- I see.
254
00:13:17,506 --> 00:13:18,966
[BARBER SHRIEKS]
255
00:13:20,926 --> 00:13:22,240
Dad took us antiquing.
256
00:13:22,636 --> 00:13:25,493
Yeah. Along the way, we took photos
of interesting doors and gates.
257
00:13:26,098 --> 00:13:28,840
Your father sure can be thoughtful
when he wants to be.
258
00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:32,177
Marge, please.
Let's not fight in front of the kids.
259
00:13:32,771 --> 00:13:34,888
Just secretly hate me
the way you always have.
260
00:13:35,399 --> 00:13:37,703
I love watching you guys fight.
It's my earliest memory.
261
00:13:38,235 --> 00:13:39,663
- Why, you little...!
- Aah!
262
00:13:40,112 --> 00:13:42,228
Dad, your hands feel so soft.
263
00:13:42,739 --> 00:13:44,825
You noticed. I've been using Lancôme.
264
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:47,046
Ugh. Oh, it shows.
265
00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:49,840
I haven't had a strangle that smooth
since I was 4.
266
00:13:50,372 --> 00:13:53,928
Well, I better go. But before I do, Marge,
there's something I wanna ask you.
267
00:13:55,252 --> 00:13:56,274
Yes, Homie?
268
00:13:56,628 --> 00:13:59,120
How much do you tip a leg waxer?
I need to know by tomorrow.
269
00:13:59,673 --> 00:14:02,707
Just go. And take your stupid
Lhasa Apso with you.
270
00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:04,584
[DOG YELPS]
271
00:14:04,970 --> 00:14:05,877
[DOOR CLOSES]
272
00:14:06,221 --> 00:14:09,078
Mom, I know Dad cares about you,
but his feelings are really hurt.
273
00:14:09,683 --> 00:14:13,124
- Why don't you just say you're sorry?
- Lisa, marriage is a beautiful thing.
274
00:14:13,812 --> 00:14:16,627
But it's also a constant battle
for moral superiority.
275
00:14:17,232 --> 00:14:19,099
So I can't apologize.
276
00:14:19,568 --> 00:14:22,602
Couldn't you just say you're sorry
and not mean it? I do it all the time.
277
00:14:23,238 --> 00:14:25,397
- I don't think I've ever meant it.
- That's not right.
278
00:14:25,908 --> 00:14:27,034
Sorry, Mom.
279
00:14:27,409 --> 00:14:28,358
See? It's that easy.
280
00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:29,651
Hmm.
281
00:14:29,995 --> 00:14:31,934
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING
OVER SPEAKERS]
282
00:14:32,414 --> 00:14:33,916
So how was your visit home?
283
00:14:34,333 --> 00:14:37,002
The kids are cool.
But Marge is still judging me.
284
00:14:37,586 --> 00:14:40,328
- Oh, so it's over between you two?
- Maybe it is.
285
00:14:40,923 --> 00:14:44,510
I used to look at Marge and get the same
tingle you get when you see Rip Taylor.
286
00:14:45,219 --> 00:14:46,647
I don't know what's gonna happen.
287
00:14:47,888 --> 00:14:49,316
Come on, let's dance.
288
00:14:51,433 --> 00:14:53,185
[CHEERING AND CHATTERING]
289
00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:04,311
Hey, hey. Whoo!
290
00:15:06,782 --> 00:15:08,502
MAN 1:
Yeah, baby. You go.
291
00:15:08,951 --> 00:15:10,233
I didn't think it was possible.
292
00:15:10,619 --> 00:15:12,225
But watching him
makes me more lesbian.
293
00:15:12,663 --> 00:15:13,830
Lesbian?
294
00:15:14,206 --> 00:15:17,063
This isn't my Army reunion.
295
00:15:17,668 --> 00:15:20,963
- You're coming home with me.
- Yes, colonel.
296
00:15:26,301 --> 00:15:27,876
He's gay. He's gay.
297
00:15:28,303 --> 00:15:29,951
Gay. Gay. Bi.
298
00:15:30,389 --> 00:15:32,182
Gay. Gay for pay. Gay.
299
00:15:32,641 --> 00:15:33,996
Tennessee Williams?
300
00:15:34,393 --> 00:15:36,405
But how did he survive
in the world of theater?
301
00:15:36,895 --> 00:15:38,251
Homer, please.
302
00:15:38,647 --> 00:15:42,088
Practically everyone who's acted in,
produced, or even seen a play is gay.
303
00:15:42,776 --> 00:15:44,497
Uh, Homer, I think you should see this.
304
00:15:46,405 --> 00:15:49,627
Homie, I tried to tell you how I feel
but I can't find the right words.
305
00:15:50,284 --> 00:15:52,004
Maybe he can.
306
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:53,506
"Weird Al" Yankovic?
307
00:15:53,871 --> 00:15:55,372
Marge wrote me
about what happened.
308
00:15:55,789 --> 00:15:58,604
And as soon as her check cleared,
I was on the first flight here.
309
00:15:59,209 --> 00:16:01,847
- You get the parody songs I sent you?
- Ugh, yes.
310
00:16:02,421 --> 00:16:03,297
Which one was better?
311
00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:06,081
"Living La Pizza Loca"
or "Another One Bites the Crust"?
312
00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:09,709
- They were pretty much the same.
- Yeah. Like you and Allan Sherman.
313
00:16:10,345 --> 00:16:11,805
Now, here's a song I wrote for you.
314
00:16:12,222 --> 00:16:15,329
[PLAYING TUNE OF JOHN
MELLENCAMP'S "JACK AND DIANE"]
315
00:16:20,898 --> 00:16:24,151
[SINGING]
Little ditty about Homer and Marge
316
00:16:24,818 --> 00:16:28,593
Her heart was as big
As his stomach was large
317
00:16:29,323 --> 00:16:32,545
Oh, yeah, they say love goes on
318
00:16:33,202 --> 00:16:36,788
Long after the grilled cheese
sandwich Is gone
319
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:38,478
[CHUCKLES]
320
00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:42,680
It would take a man of stone
with a funny bone of steel to resist that.
321
00:16:43,420 --> 00:16:46,131
Homer, would you at least
let me take you out on a date?
322
00:16:46,715 --> 00:16:48,832
I don't know. Date a chick with kids?
323
00:16:49,343 --> 00:16:51,021
- Dad...
- All right, all right.
324
00:16:51,470 --> 00:16:53,441
- Nice work, Lisa.
- Thanks, Julio.
325
00:16:53,931 --> 00:16:55,140
I love you as a blond.
326
00:16:55,516 --> 00:16:58,039
You do? Oh, God, Lisa,
if I was an 8-year-old straight boy...
327
00:16:58,602 --> 00:17:00,427
...I would be holding your hand
right now.
328
00:17:00,896 --> 00:17:01,949
[CHUCKLES]
329
00:17:02,314 --> 00:17:04,107
[HUMMING]
330
00:17:05,943 --> 00:17:08,946
Ooh, wait.
Marge likes a little bit of stubble.
331
00:17:11,365 --> 00:17:12,574
Uh-oh. Gotta even it out.
332
00:17:12,950 --> 00:17:14,044
[GRUNTING]
333
00:17:14,409 --> 00:17:15,619
Somebody's nervous.
334
00:17:15,994 --> 00:17:18,445
Well, we got the cure for that.
Margaritas.
335
00:17:18,997 --> 00:17:21,114
Margarita? That's Mexican for Marge.
336
00:17:21,625 --> 00:17:23,085
I'll take that as a sign.
337
00:17:25,462 --> 00:17:27,037
[TRUMPET FANFARE PLAYS]
338
00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:29,362
MARGE [THINKING]:
Where is he? Where is he?
339
00:17:31,426 --> 00:17:33,689
Who dares challenge ye Black Knight?
340
00:17:34,221 --> 00:17:39,570
Step forward if ye be free of lower back
pain, heart conditions, and pregnancy.
341
00:17:40,519 --> 00:17:42,563
And please turn off thy cell phones
and pagers.
342
00:17:43,063 --> 00:17:43,939
[GROANS]
343
00:17:45,482 --> 00:17:47,057
I've learned a lot living here.
344
00:17:47,484 --> 00:17:49,497
It doesn't matter what someone's
sexual preferences are...
345
00:17:49,987 --> 00:17:51,040
...unless they're a celebrity.
346
00:17:51,405 --> 00:17:53,125
In which case, it's dish, dish, dish.
347
00:17:53,574 --> 00:17:55,805
Homer, weren't you supposed
to meet your wife half an hour ago?
348
00:17:56,326 --> 00:17:58,777
D'oh! You don't have
a gay time machine, do you?
349
00:17:59,329 --> 00:18:02,040
Yes. It's called Grady's shoe closet.
Ha.
350
00:18:02,624 --> 00:18:04,157
Hey, Julio? Ouch.
351
00:18:04,585 --> 00:18:06,013
I gotta go.
352
00:18:06,545 --> 00:18:07,494
[TRUMPET FANFARE PLAYS]
353
00:18:07,838 --> 00:18:10,069
COMIC BOOK GUY:
Oh. Oh, lordy.
354
00:18:10,591 --> 00:18:12,937
Now for ye knights' and wenches'
delectation...
355
00:18:13,468 --> 00:18:15,220
...I have some royal proclamations.
356
00:18:15,679 --> 00:18:18,421
We welcome Cub Scout
Troop Number 102.
357
00:18:19,016 --> 00:18:20,444
We wish a happy birthday to Karen.
358
00:18:20,851 --> 00:18:25,063
Congratulations to Marge and Homer
Simpson on their reconciliation dinner.
359
00:18:25,856 --> 00:18:26,732
[GROANS]
360
00:18:27,065 --> 00:18:30,871
Oh, sorry I'm late. The Velvet Mafia
made me a margarita I couldn't refuse.
361
00:18:31,612 --> 00:18:33,697
Goodbye, Homer.
I try to save our marriage.
362
00:18:34,198 --> 00:18:38,222
You just get drunk and spend the whole
night with your homosexual boyfriends.
363
00:18:38,994 --> 00:18:42,915
Reverend Lovejoy, Mrs. Lovejoy,
Principal Skinner, Duffman.
364
00:18:43,665 --> 00:18:45,928
Fact is, certain people aren't right
for each other.
365
00:18:46,460 --> 00:18:48,358
You gave it a chance, it didn't work.
366
00:18:48,837 --> 00:18:50,193
At least you tried.
367
00:18:50,589 --> 00:18:52,966
But it was Marge,
my first and only love.
368
00:18:53,634 --> 00:18:57,033
I'm like David Spade
without Chris Farley, alone and useless.
369
00:18:57,721 --> 00:19:01,308
Oh, Homer, a guy as cool and special
as you will have no trouble...
370
00:19:02,017 --> 00:19:03,769
...believe me.
371
00:19:09,149 --> 00:19:10,025
Wow.
372
00:19:10,359 --> 00:19:12,955
Wow. I never realized
you felt about me that way.
373
00:19:13,529 --> 00:19:14,769
We should take some time to talk...
374
00:19:15,155 --> 00:19:16,323
[GRUNTS]
375
00:19:16,698 --> 00:19:18,085
I'd just end up hurting you!
376
00:19:18,492 --> 00:19:19,879
[FOOTSTEPS]
377
00:19:21,537 --> 00:19:24,936
I was just thinking, my problems with
Marge started because I drink too much.
378
00:19:25,624 --> 00:19:27,928
And then tonight,
alcohol only made things worse.
379
00:19:28,460 --> 00:19:31,171
Maybe all of my problems
are actually caused by...
380
00:19:31,755 --> 00:19:33,580
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Take your medicine, you lush, you.
381
00:19:34,049 --> 00:19:35,697
[GULPING]
382
00:19:38,762 --> 00:19:40,733
[WHISTLING]
383
00:19:41,932 --> 00:19:43,027
Hey, what happened here?
384
00:19:43,392 --> 00:19:46,030
Uh, he was drinking at Harrigan's bar
down the street there.
385
00:19:46,603 --> 00:19:48,209
They ought to close that dump down.
386
00:19:48,647 --> 00:19:49,523
[CHUCKLES]
387
00:19:49,857 --> 00:19:50,732
Yeah.
388
00:19:51,066 --> 00:19:54,142
That was a close call.
We took this much out of you.
389
00:19:54,778 --> 00:19:57,666
But it's still not as bad
as the first time I treated you.
390
00:19:58,282 --> 00:20:00,993
Oh, yeah.
The night that destroyed my marriage.
391
00:20:01,577 --> 00:20:02,630
Destroyed your marriage?
392
00:20:02,995 --> 00:20:05,341
Why, I'd never seen a woman
look so devoted.
393
00:20:06,123 --> 00:20:07,437
Let's look at the tape.
394
00:20:10,127 --> 00:20:11,003
You have that on tape?
395
00:20:11,336 --> 00:20:13,599
Mm, it was back when I thought
the nurse was stealing sponges.
396
00:20:14,131 --> 00:20:15,518
[CHUCKLES]
397
00:20:15,924 --> 00:20:18,667
He's stable now.
I'll leave you two alone.
398
00:20:19,261 --> 00:20:21,232
Homie, I was so worried about you.
399
00:20:21,722 --> 00:20:23,255
I was really mad at you tonight.
400
00:20:23,682 --> 00:20:26,789
But you're a good person.
And that's whatl see most of the time.
401
00:20:27,436 --> 00:20:28,791
Whatever problems we have...
402
00:20:29,188 --> 00:20:32,003
...we have a lifetime to work
them out together.
403
00:20:32,608 --> 00:20:33,994
So she didn't hate me.
404
00:20:34,401 --> 00:20:36,518
She married me
because she loved me.
405
00:20:37,029 --> 00:20:38,270
And I still do.
406
00:20:38,655 --> 00:20:40,845
Marge, I never wanna be apart
from you again.
407
00:20:41,366 --> 00:20:42,722
Well, you'll never have to.
408
00:20:44,912 --> 00:20:47,143
That is the best kiss I've had tonight.
409
00:20:47,664 --> 00:20:48,717
[THINKING]
Or was it?
410
00:20:49,082 --> 00:20:51,866
- Homie, what are you thinking?
- Manly thoughts.
411
00:20:56,131 --> 00:20:58,248
All I have left now are my tapes.
412
00:21:01,136 --> 00:21:03,587
She was stealing sponges. I knew it.
413
00:21:09,811 --> 00:21:13,398
[SINGING]
That's a story about Homer and Marge
414
00:21:14,107 --> 00:21:17,809
Two folks I helped out
For a nominal charge
415
00:21:18,737 --> 00:21:22,585
After Homer went gay
They patched up their schism
416
00:21:23,325 --> 00:21:26,286
But the dude never dealt
With his alcoholism
417
00:21:26,912 --> 00:21:31,677
Weird Al saying
"Oh, yeah, the credits go on
418
00:21:32,543 --> 00:21:36,171
Long after the viewer's interest
Is gone"
419
00:21:37,506 --> 00:21:40,874
Oh, yeah
Weird Al had fun on this show
420
00:21:41,802 --> 00:21:45,754
Even if it was just a brief cameo
421
00:21:50,185 --> 00:21:51,614
WOMAN:
Shh.
422
00:21:56,692 --> 00:21:57,568
[English - US -SDH]