1 00:00:03,320 --> 00:00:06,529 (SINGING) The Simpsons 2 00:00:06,600 --> 00:00:07,601 (TIRES SCREECHING) 3 00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:10,401 D'oh! 4 00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:11,481 (EXCLAIMS) 5 00:00:11,560 --> 00:00:12,891 (BRAKES SCREECHING) 6 00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:20,074 AmericasCardroom.com brings poker back Million Dollar Sunday Tournament every Sunday 7 00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:27,961 (CLANGING) 8 00:00:28,040 --> 00:00:30,441 Hey, kids! I scream, you scream. 9 00:00:30,520 --> 00:00:31,601 We all scream for... 10 00:00:32,840 --> 00:00:34,126 ...haircuts! 11 00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:35,961 (BOTH SCREAM) 12 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:39,206 (BOTH GROAN) 13 00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:41,886 Mom, Bart and I have been talking... 14 00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:44,167 You have? That's so nice. 15 00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:46,966 What Lisa's trying to say is 16 00:00:47,040 --> 00:00:51,648 there's a new kids' barbershop in the mall and we'd like to start going there. 17 00:00:51,920 --> 00:00:55,003 A kids' barbershop? But they don't have my templates. 18 00:00:55,240 --> 00:00:57,402 Yeah, the templates had a great run, 19 00:00:57,480 --> 00:01:00,563 but we'd like our hair to look like people hair. 20 00:01:00,920 --> 00:01:02,285 Oh, I see. 21 00:01:02,360 --> 00:01:04,886 Well, good luck getting to your precious mall barber 22 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:06,490 'cause I'm not driving you. 23 00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:07,925 Kids, want to go to the mall? 24 00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:09,889 They're baking fresh Cinnabons, 25 00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:12,367 which means they're throwing out the old ones. 26 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:13,680 BOTH: Yay! 27 00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:17,001 (GRUNTS) 28 00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:18,081 (TIRES SCREECHING) 29 00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:19,207 (SIGHS) 30 00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:21,567 I guess I'll just cut my own hair. 31 00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:23,444 Who wants their hair cut? 32 00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:25,289 Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? 33 00:01:25,360 --> 00:01:27,203 Who wants their hair cut? 34 00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:29,288 Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? 35 00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:30,811 Who wants their hair cut? 36 00:01:30,880 --> 00:01:32,530 Who? Who? Who? 37 00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:36,285 Which side do you want your part on? 38 00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:38,283 Left! Right! Stab! Stab! Stab! 39 00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:39,964 You're the boss. 40 00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:42,361 BART: What the hell? 41 00:01:43,960 --> 00:01:45,246 Whoa! 42 00:01:45,320 --> 00:01:46,970 (LAUGHING) 43 00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:50,123 Oh, Bart, you look worse than Aunt Patty in the morning. 44 00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:53,283 And there ain't nothing looks worse than Aunt Patty in the morning. 45 00:01:53,520 --> 00:01:54,521 (GRUNTS ANGRILY) 46 00:01:56,720 --> 00:01:57,721 (GRUNTS ANGRILY) 47 00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:00,370 (BOTH GRUNTING ANGRILY) 48 00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:04,326 Next? 49 00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:05,640 (GRUNTS) 50 00:02:05,720 --> 00:02:07,210 Can you make me look like this? 51 00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:10,408 (BOTH GRUNTING ANGRILY) 52 00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:16,045 Whoa! My bad boy spikes! My good girl points! 53 00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:21,044 Children, the mall will provide you a wide range of subjects, 54 00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:23,680 while I return some socks that appeared to be black, 55 00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:25,922 but were in reality, a very dark blue. 56 00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:28,486 The best photographs, or "photos," 57 00:02:28,760 --> 00:02:32,162 will be prominently displayed in the school lobby all year long. 58 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:33,241 (BOTH GULP) 59 00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:35,643 (WIND CHIMES CHIMING) 60 00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:37,006 (GASPING EAGERLY) 61 00:02:37,080 --> 00:02:38,161 (GASPS) (SCREAMS) 62 00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:39,571 After them! 63 00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:45,044 Oh! I love you, dumpster buns! 64 00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:46,121 (GULPS) 65 00:02:46,640 --> 00:02:47,971 BOTH: Dad? Huh? 66 00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:51,243 Oh, big surprise. The fat guy's eating garbage. 67 00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:52,446 (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING) 68 00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:54,085 Come on! We'll hide in the theater! (GASPS) 69 00:02:57,280 --> 00:02:58,611 (CHUCKUNG) 70 00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:01,365 Well, I guess you didn't find anything interesting to photograph. 71 00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:03,767 Check it out. The principal's got a shirt wiener. 72 00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:05,161 Hmm? 73 00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:06,806 (SHUTTERS CLICKING) 74 00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:13,124 Leave your body, Seymour. Leave your body. 75 00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:16,646 (HOMER READING) 76 00:03:16,880 --> 00:03:19,804 Ooh! A He is Risen production. 77 00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:24,602 I wish you'd come to church with us, sweetheart. 78 00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:28,651 (CHUCKLES) Church? I'd rather play golf on the holiest day of the week. 79 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:31,685 Oh! Finally, a character I can relate to. 80 00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:33,125 I bet good things happen to him. 81 00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:37,451 But, honey, with recent troubles in the Mideast and other ominous signs, 82 00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:39,124 the Rapture could soon be upon us. 83 00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:42,006 The Rapture? Easy there, Helen. 84 00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:43,809 Science has shown religion is just an old wives' tale. 85 00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:44,927 (ALL GASP) 86 00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:47,964 I'm sorry, but the only thing I'm praying for is that you 87 00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:49,844 take it easy on our credit cards. 88 00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:51,645 (LAUGHING) 89 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:54,801 (BOTH MOANING) 90 00:03:55,600 --> 00:04:00,242 Oh, Mr. Thompson, what if your wife finds out? 91 00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:02,846 It's modern times. Everyone's doing it. 92 00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:06,009 Where did my Christian limo driver go? 93 00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:08,401 (TIRES SCREECHING) 94 00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:13,926 My pious husband is missing. 95 00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:16,651 The baby I chose to have baptized is gone. 96 00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:19,122 (THUNDER CRACKING) 97 00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:21,771 Mr. Thompson, what's happening? 98 00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:23,769 It's the Rapture, Shauna. The Rapture. 99 00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:28,926 The virtuous have gone to heaven and the rest of us have been left below. 100 00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:32,488 (GASPS) Left below? Where have I heard that before? 101 00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:35,404 It's the title of the movie. (GASPS) It's everywhere! 102 00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:37,251 We were fools! 103 00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:40,961 And because we rejected God, tacitly accepting Satan, 104 00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:43,486 we must suffer through the Apocalypse. 105 00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:45,810 (THUNDER CRACKING) 106 00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:51,048 I thought all religions were a path to God. I was wrong. 107 00:04:51,240 --> 00:04:52,844 (THUNDER CRACKING) 108 00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:56,490 Why did I put my faith in science and technology? 109 00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:58,724 (THUNDER CRACKING) 110 00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:01,407 Oh, why did I choose to be gay? 111 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:05,401 Oh! This movie will haunt me for the rest of my life. 112 00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:07,323 Just like Cannonball Run II. 113 00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:12,242 Marge, what if the Rapture is coming and I haven't led a good enough life? 114 00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:14,767 I could be left below. 115 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:16,684 Sweetie, don't worry. 116 00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:19,684 God wouldn't spring the Rapture on us unannounced. 117 00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:22,690 He'd send us signs like, I don't know, 118 00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:25,724 all the dogs getting on a spaceship and leaving. 119 00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:28,491 Yeah, I'll bet the cats'd be psyched about that. 120 00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:29,686 (LAUGHING) 121 00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:32,411 Thanks, Marge. You've put my mind at ease. 122 00:05:32,480 --> 00:05:36,041 Now, how about a little rapture for Mama? 123 00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:37,201 Ooh! 124 00:05:37,280 --> 00:05:40,011 I could be the Rachel to your Jacob. 125 00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:42,765 Okay, but it's tough for me not to think about their hardship. 126 00:05:42,840 --> 00:05:44,205 (BOTH MOANING) 127 00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:48,168 Marge is right. The Rapture isn't coming. 128 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:49,924 There haven't been any ominous signs. 129 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:51,843 (GROWLING) 130 00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:53,604 Follow me. 131 00:05:56,120 --> 00:05:57,246 (SCREAMS) 132 00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:00,804 It's just not working out, Barry. 133 00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:03,491 Yeah, I guess I better study for the police exam again. 134 00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:04,891 Good luck. You, too. 135 00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:10,088 (GASPS AND SCREAMS) 136 00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:12,800 Blood is raining from the sky! 137 00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:17,526 Hang on there, big fella. We'll save you. 138 00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:23,201 This ain't personal. I just love to scrimshaw. 139 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:26,206 (SCREAMS) 140 00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:29,281 Judgment Day is at hand. 141 00:06:36,840 --> 00:06:37,841 Can I help you? 142 00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:40,168 We're having a sale on Bible magnifying glasses. 143 00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:42,044 (HOMER READING) 144 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:44,362 Uh, do you have any books on the Rapture? 145 00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:46,767 Yes, this one is 15% off. 146 00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:48,530 (HOMER SCREAMS) 147 00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:49,721 I'll take everything you got. 148 00:06:49,840 --> 00:06:52,889 And would you like to take advantage of our Friends of Flanders discount? 149 00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:54,166 No, thank you. 150 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:55,810 (MARGE HUMMING) 151 00:06:57,120 --> 00:06:59,805 Here's a pretty little wig for Lisa. 152 00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:04,846 And a handsome toupee for Bart. 153 00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:08,483 So, you still think I'm crazy for saving all your hair trimmings? 154 00:07:08,560 --> 00:07:09,686 BOTH: No, ma'am. 155 00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:13,162 Okay, then. Let's get the rest of this hair back in the freezer. 156 00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:15,891 Hmm... Hmm... 157 00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:18,167 Homie, you didn't touch your second dinner tonight. 158 00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:22,325 And you're reading books. Word books! What's going on? 159 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,209 Marge, the Rapture is nigh. 160 00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:26,362 These books will help me figure out how nigh. 161 00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:28,329 This whole deal is scientifically proven. 162 00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:31,051 The Book of Revelations has 404 verses. 163 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:33,851 Add the number of people at the Last Supper 164 00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:36,890 minus the number of Filipinos in the Bible, 165 00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:40,323 and you get... Three million, 100... 166 00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:43,643 3:15 p.m., May 18th. 167 00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:45,649 That's when the Rapture will begin. 168 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:48,047 May 18th? That's one week from today! 169 00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:50,288 (GASPS) A week? That's... 170 00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:52,731 Seven days from now! 171 00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:56,049 (RINGING BELL) The world will end next week! 172 00:07:56,160 --> 00:08:00,404 Spend your children's college funds! Thaw that turkey now! 173 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:03,563 This is Kent Brockman reporting live from downtown Springfield, 174 00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:06,166 where overweight doomsayer Homer Simpson is predicting 175 00:08:06,240 --> 00:08:08,811 the world will end next Wednesday. 176 00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:12,407 Homer, what turned you from sad drunk to mad monk? 177 00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:15,324 Funny story, Kent. It's the end of the world! 178 00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:19,246 God loves you! He's gonna kill you! 179 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:21,047 Here's my angle. 180 00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:24,170 There's no way in God's heaven I should get into God's heaven. 181 00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:28,564 But maybe he'll let me in if I warn others the Apocalypse is coming, 182 00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:31,445 as I previously shouted. I see. 183 00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:33,005 Well, we have 30 seconds left. 184 00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:34,525 Any other cuckoo yip-yap? 185 00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:36,011 Uh... Oh! 186 00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:38,367 Here's one. Revelation 6:13. 187 00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:42,280 "Just before the Rapture, the stars will fall to the Earth." 188 00:08:42,360 --> 00:08:45,807 So, all you hippies out there might wanna...for that one. 189 00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:47,809 (LAUGHING) There you have it, folks. 190 00:08:47,920 --> 00:08:51,561 And if I can make a prediction of my own, this weekend's Springfield Lettuce Festival 191 00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:53,210 is gonna be bigger and better than ever! 192 00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:57,444 We've got romaine, iceberg, radicchio, and everyone's favorite, baby bib. 193 00:08:57,520 --> 00:09:00,000 Even a few cabbages are getting in on the fun. 194 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:01,445 (RINGING BELL) 195 00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:04,162 Homie, I'm glad you're getting exercise. 196 00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:06,931 I just wish it wasn't crazy exercise. 197 00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:11,489 Marge, in a world gone mad, only a lunatic is truly insane. 198 00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:17,208 Dad, we love you, but we just don't think the world is coming to an end. Yet. 199 00:09:17,320 --> 00:09:19,607 100 years, global warming, we're goners. 200 00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:23,122 But for now, you think you could lighten up on this "left below" stuff? 201 00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:29,084 Well, I guess this thing does look pretty silly. 202 00:09:29,280 --> 00:09:32,170 Let's all take off our sandwich boards and watch TV. 203 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:35,164 SIDESHOW MEL: Live from Springfield Stadium, it's... 204 00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:39,131 (SIDESHOW MEL READING) 205 00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:43,922 The crowd is abuzz and agog as the celebrity blimp approaches. 206 00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:48,603 And look, here is America's favorite waste of taxpayer dollars, 207 00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:51,246 the Blue Angels! 208 00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:55,127 What the... The Blue Angels? 209 00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:57,481 I thought we were getting Charlie's Angels. 210 00:09:57,560 --> 00:09:58,891 (SOBBING) 211 00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:03,089 Oh, God! We're going down! 212 00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:07,041 I don't want to die next to Kathy Griffin! 213 00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:08,849 (PEOPLE SCREAMING) 214 00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:13,044 (GASPS) The stars are falling to the earth! 215 00:10:13,120 --> 00:10:14,121 (GASPS) 216 00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:17,808 Just as you predicted. 217 00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:19,964 KRUSTY: Well, that's our show for tonight. 218 00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:24,085 I'd like to thank all the very talented people who broke my fall. 219 00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:28,848 To all the fans of Los Lobos, mucho, mucho condolences. 220 00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:30,160 (LAUGHING) 221 00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:31,287 Good night, everybody! 222 00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:33,084 (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) 223 00:10:33,680 --> 00:10:35,170 Homer, you were right. 224 00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:37,647 That must mean you were right about the Rapture, too. 225 00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:40,565 Yeah. I was wondering if you could help save my soul. 226 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,165 I've done stuff I ain't proud of. 227 00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:44,561 And the stuff I am proud of is disgusting. 228 00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:46,484 But what are we supposed to do on Wednesday? 229 00:10:46,560 --> 00:10:47,891 Lie naked on our roof? 230 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:50,241 Because that girls' school says I can't do that no more. 231 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:53,244 When the time comes, we won't be in our homes 232 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,846 because we're all gonna go here. 233 00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:57,206 (CROWD MURMURING) 234 00:10:57,280 --> 00:10:59,009 That's Springfield Mesa. 235 00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:03,529 It's 15 miles north, past the Warren Harding Memorial Through-hole. 236 00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:05,922 Exactly. It came to me in a vision, 237 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:09,243 or maybe it was a drunken haze, or possibly an ice cream headache. 238 00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:13,120 Well, well, well, looks like someone's having a pre-Rapture party. 239 00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:14,366 No, Flanders. 240 00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:17,125 It's a meeting of gay witches for abortion. 241 00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:18,326 You wouldn't be interested. 242 00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:19,481 Mmm-mmm. 243 00:11:19,560 --> 00:11:21,050 (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) 244 00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:22,921 All right, everybody. 245 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:26,482 Pair up with a Rapture buddy who will watch your back through all eternity. 246 00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:28,649 Chief Wiggum, wanna be my buddy? 247 00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:32,088 What's wrong with Carl? Trouble in paradise? (CHUCKLES) 248 00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:34,288 Dad, please don't go through with this. 249 00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:38,361 All through history, self-anointed seers have predicted the end of the world 250 00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:40,249 and they've always been wrong. 251 00:11:40,440 --> 00:11:44,001 But, sweetheart, I have something they didn't have. 252 00:11:44,080 --> 00:11:45,969 A good feeling about this. 253 00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:48,441 It's all right, Lisa. Don't go. More heaven for me. 254 00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:50,762 Lisa's going! We're all going! 255 00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:54,083 Come on, Lisa. No one in this family is being left below. 256 00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:57,164 Wait for me! I'm a-coming. 257 00:11:57,440 --> 00:11:59,602 Don't worry, Dad! There's a bus coming for you! 258 00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:01,121 Drive! Drive! 259 00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:03,567 ALL: 99 minutes until we're all saved 260 00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:05,888 99 minutes to go 261 00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:08,486 Unless it turns out that you're not devout 262 00:12:08,680 --> 00:12:11,001 Then you're gonna be left down below 263 00:12:11,080 --> 00:12:13,526 98 minutes until we're all saved 264 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:14,647 98 minutes to go 265 00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:16,882 (PANTING) Wait for me! Wait for me! 266 00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:18,371 (GRUNTS) 267 00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:19,851 (GROANING) 268 00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:25,244 Okay, guys. Get ready. We're just seconds away. 269 00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:26,651 (CROWD MURMURING) 270 00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:28,848 You saved us, Homer. I can't wait! 271 00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:31,287 I'm gonna steal God's secrets and sell them to Satan. 272 00:12:31,560 --> 00:12:34,040 ALL: Six, five, four... 273 00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:36,606 I'm so proud of you, Homie. 274 00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:38,848 ALL: ...two, one! (BEEPING) 275 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:40,968 Goodbye, stupid Earth! 276 00:12:45,160 --> 00:12:47,242 There appears to be some delay. 277 00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:50,369 Huh? My watch must be running fast. Wait for it. 278 00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:53,046 Wait for it, wait for it. 279 00:12:57,280 --> 00:12:59,851 Wait for it, wait for it. 280 00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:01,690 Wait for it. 281 00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:09,127 Wait for it, wait for it. 282 00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:10,361 Ha-ha! 283 00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:12,010 Life goes on. 284 00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:13,889 (CROWD MURMURING ANGRILY) 285 00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:17,130 Please don't go! Please! 286 00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:20,402 Please? I command you! 287 00:13:21,040 --> 00:13:23,088 Homie, I better start dinner. 288 00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:25,405 Oh! 289 00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:27,847 Lisa, you still believe in me, don't you? 290 00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:32,807 Dad, if you'll recall, I never believed in you, not for one second. 291 00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:35,322 Aw! That's my girl. 292 00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:36,925 Oh. 293 00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:45,881 Hey, Nostra-dumbass, did the Rapture come? I can't recall. 294 00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:49,085 In fact, I can recall, and it didn't and you suck. 295 00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:53,163 Hey, fatwad, here's another thing you didn't predict. 296 00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:54,241 (GRUNTS ANGRILY) (GRUNTS) 297 00:13:54,320 --> 00:13:55,321 (ALL LAUGHING) 298 00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:58,847 Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! 299 00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:01,611 Oh, let's go to Moe's. We'll walk and punch. 300 00:14:01,680 --> 00:14:05,730 Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! 301 00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:06,801 Huh? 302 00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:14,521 Moe, what happened to your eponymous tavern? 303 00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:18,367 Yeah, funny thing that. You said the end was coming, 304 00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:21,046 so I sold the bar to some Japanese businessmen 305 00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:22,724 and gave the money to charity. 306 00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:27,050 Now them orphans got new skip ropes, and I end every day smelling like eel. 307 00:14:27,120 --> 00:14:30,169 Cats are all over me. Thank you, though. You did me a solid. 308 00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:33,050 Hey, there's that jerk who tried to save us. 309 00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:35,122 Nice Rapture, Einstein. 310 00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:36,810 (PEOPLE JEERING) 311 00:14:37,280 --> 00:14:38,645 (SOBBING) 312 00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:40,407 (GULPS) 313 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:41,845 (SOBBING) 314 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:48,121 (BARKS) 315 00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:52,883 Hey, you with the tempura, your arm broken? 316 00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:58,447 How can people be so heartless 317 00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:03,886 How can people be so cruel 318 00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:06,002 Easy to be hard 319 00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:09,163 Ten, 11, 12, 13? 320 00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:12,962 Twelve apostles. But Jesus was at the Last Supper, too. 321 00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:14,611 This changes everything. 322 00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:22,247 Multiply by seven. Don't forget to carry the 666. 323 00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:24,886 Wake up. The Rapture's coming in half an hour! 324 00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:27,281 There's no time to waste. Marge, grill a chicken! 325 00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:28,600 No, make sandwiches. 326 00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:33,288 And some Kettle Chips would be nice. Original, not barbecue! 327 00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:40,849 Ah, we got school tomorrow. Yeah. School. 328 00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:42,406 Hmm... 329 00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:44,608 Forget school! We have to get to the mesa. 330 00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:47,001 We're not going anywhere except to bed. 331 00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:48,286 But my prediction says... 332 00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:52,081 You couldn't predict 6:00 at 5:30. Now, good night. 333 00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:54,125 (ALL SLAM DOORS) 334 00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:00,121 (SLAMS DOOR) 335 00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:08,325 Stupid family. Won't even come to my Rapture. 336 00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:13,042 I went to Lisa's school play, which had serious pacing problems. 337 00:16:13,120 --> 00:16:14,724 (WOLF HOWLING) 338 00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:17,842 Three, two, one... 339 00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:19,160 (BEEPING) 340 00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:24,481 Oh, I'm wrong again! 341 00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:26,370 I'm nothing but a big, fat... 342 00:16:27,040 --> 00:16:28,041 Woo-hoo! 343 00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:29,724 I was right! 344 00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:34,050 And there's the Earth. So beautiful with your many rings. 345 00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:43,411 (RINGS BELL) 346 00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:46,531 Homer Simpson, welcome to heaven. 347 00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:49,570 Now let's get you some clothes, huh? I'm comfortable like this. 348 00:16:49,640 --> 00:16:51,563 Yeah, well, this is heaven. For everyone. 349 00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:54,686 This is our nature walk, our pedicure hut, 350 00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:58,242 our state-of-the-art showroom, tonight featuring Los Lobos. 351 00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:00,084 And over there is our water slide. 352 00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:02,606 That's coming next year. It's gonna be super fantastic. 353 00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:04,763 How come it's not open yet? (SIGHS) 354 00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:07,810 Look, just don't use leprechaun labor, okay? Don't do it. 355 00:17:08,120 --> 00:17:10,487 And the best part of heaven is, 356 00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:13,848 anything you wish for, you get, lickety-split. 357 00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:15,121 Hmm... 358 00:17:17,320 --> 00:17:18,321 (LAUGHING) 359 00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:23,680 Okay, just for that, your room is next to the kiddy pool. 360 00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:26,570 All right, Mr. Smarty-Head-Exploder? 361 00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:28,765 So, if you need further assistance, 362 00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:31,650 just call the front desk and ask for Andre, okay? 363 00:17:33,360 --> 00:17:34,361 (CLEARS THROAT) 364 00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:37,969 Oh, uh, sorry, I'd tip you, but I don't have any cash. 365 00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:40,765 You know, you could wish for some. I could... 366 00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:44,601 Wait. Before you go, there's one thing I gotta know. 367 00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:45,966 What happened to my family? 368 00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:53,004 Heaven has a wide array of fine dining just steps from your room. 369 00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:55,242 Have a light bite at the Pope of Sandwich Village. 370 00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:58,847 Okay, let's see. Earth is channel 23, I think. 371 00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:03,240 (SCREAMING) 372 00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:05,931 (GROWLING) 373 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:08,240 (SCREAMING) 374 00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:10,607 Why didn't we listen to Dad? 375 00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:14,401 The worst part is I'll never see my Homie again. 376 00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:17,723 That's the worst part? Then I'm not doing my job. 377 00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:21,322 (LAUGHING DIABOLICALLY) (MARGE SCREAMS) 378 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:23,243 I've gotta save them! 379 00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:34,689 Homer, what's wrong? 380 00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:38,970 Lord, you got a first-class destination resort here. Really top-notch. 381 00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:41,930 But I can't enjoy myself knowing my family is suffering. 382 00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:45,283 Don't tell me about family suffering. 383 00:18:45,360 --> 00:18:47,761 My son went down to Earth once. 384 00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:52,448 I don't know what you people did to him, but he hasn't been the same since. 385 00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:55,050 (SWING SQUEAKING) 386 00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:56,481 Oh, he'll be fine. 387 00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:59,326 And you could still spare my family by... Pass. 388 00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:03,361 Buddy, you just made yourself a powerful enemy. 389 00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:05,761 (GRUNTING ANGRILY) 390 00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:16,969 Hey, what's the big idea, pally? 391 00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:18,166 Why so crabby? 392 00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:20,687 Screw you, Dino! You squandered your gift. 393 00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:21,761 (GRUNTS ANGRILY) 394 00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:24,441 Uh-oh. 395 00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:25,806 (SIREN WAILING) 396 00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:31,604 Squandered my gift? I made 68 albums. 397 00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:41,524 I'm sorry, but heaven isn't heaven without my family in it. 398 00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:43,001 (SIGHS) 399 00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:44,730 What do you want, Homer? 400 00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:46,211 Just send me back to Earth 401 00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:48,362 and put off this whole Rapture hoop-dee-doo 402 00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:50,124 for another couple of years or so. 403 00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:51,685 But it's already started. 404 00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:54,764 To do what you're asking, I'd have to turn back time. 405 00:19:55,120 --> 00:19:58,408 Superman did it. Fine, Mr. Smarty-Pants. 406 00:19:58,480 --> 00:20:00,608 I will undo the Apocalypse. 407 00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:04,567 Thanks. Listen, could you do me one more favor? 408 00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:07,331 You want me to help you with your alcoholism? 409 00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:09,448 No, I'm in a good place with that. 410 00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:11,642 Why don't you just take these pamphlets? 411 00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:13,882 Yeah, I'll definitely read those later. 412 00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:17,169 Now, listen, if you could just see your way clear to... 413 00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:18,605 (WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY) 414 00:20:19,360 --> 00:20:20,486 Very well. 415 00:20:22,360 --> 00:20:24,931 Deus ex machina! 416 00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:27,801 (GROANING) 417 00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:34,921 Oh, it was all just a dream. What? What are these wings? 418 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:37,321 Oh, it's just a seagull stuck in my back. 419 00:20:38,360 --> 00:20:40,966 Dad, we've been so worried about you. 420 00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:45,085 The Warren Harding Through-hole never seemed so long. 421 00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:49,210 Yeah, I missed you guys, too. Now, if you'll excuse me... 422 00:20:49,360 --> 00:20:53,729 Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah 423 00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:57,361 Thank you, Lord! It's back the way it was. 424 00:20:57,440 --> 00:20:59,010 (ALL MOANING) 425 00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:01,766 Ah, this is heaven. 426 00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:53,081 (SHUSHING) 426 00:21:54,305 --> 00:22:00,604 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org