1
00:00:03,320 --> 00:00:06,529
<i>(SINGING) The Simpsons</i>

2
00:00:06,600 --> 00:00:07,601
(TIRES SCREECHING)

3
00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:10,401
D'oh!

4
00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:11,481
(EXCLAIMS)

5
00:00:11,560 --> 00:00:12,891
(BRAKES SCREECHING)

6
00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:20,074
AmericasCardroom.com brings poker back
Million Dollar Sunday Tournament every Sunday

7
00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:27,961
(CLANGING)

8
00:00:28,040 --> 00:00:30,441
Hey, kids!
I scream, you scream.

9
00:00:30,520 --> 00:00:31,601
We all scream for...

10
00:00:32,840 --> 00:00:34,126
...haircuts!

11
00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:35,961
(BOTH SCREAM)

12
00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:39,206
(BOTH GROAN)

13
00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:41,886
Mom, Bart and I
have been talking...

14
00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:44,167
You have?
That's so nice.

15
00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:46,966
What Lisa's trying to say is

16
00:00:47,040 --> 00:00:51,648
there's a new kids' barbershop
in the mall and we'd like
to start going there.

17
00:00:51,920 --> 00:00:55,003
A kids' barbershop?
But they don't
have my templates.

18
00:00:55,240 --> 00:00:57,402
Yeah, the templates
had a great run,

19
00:00:57,480 --> 00:01:00,563
but we'd like our hair
to look like people hair.

20
00:01:00,920 --> 00:01:02,285
Oh, I see.

21
00:01:02,360 --> 00:01:04,886
Well, good luck getting
to your precious mall barber

22
00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:06,490
'cause I'm not driving you.

23
00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:07,925
Kids, want to
go to the mall?

24
00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:09,889
They're baking
fresh Cinnabons,

25
00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:12,367
which means they're
throwing out the old ones.

26
00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:13,680
BOTH: Yay!

27
00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:17,001
(GRUNTS)

28
00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:18,081
(TIRES SCREECHING)

29
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(SIGHS)

30
00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:21,567
I guess I'll just
cut my own hair.

31
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<i>Who wants their hair cut?</i>

32
00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:25,289
<i>Who? Who? Who? Who? Who?</i>

33
00:01:25,360 --> 00:01:27,203
<i>Who wants their hair cut?</i>

34
00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:29,288
<i>Who? Who? Who? Who? Who?</i>

35
00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:30,811
<i>Who wants their hair cut?</i>

36
00:01:30,880 --> 00:01:32,530
<i>Who? Who? Who?</i>

37
00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:36,285
Which side do you
want your part on?

38
00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:38,283
Left! Right!
Stab! Stab! Stab!

39
00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:39,964
You're the boss.

40
00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:42,361
BART: What the hell?

41
00:01:43,960 --> 00:01:45,246
Whoa!

42
00:01:45,320 --> 00:01:46,970
(LAUGHING)

43
00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:50,123
Oh, Bart, you look worse
than Aunt Patty in the
morning.

44
00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:53,283
And there ain't nothing looks
worse than Aunt Patty in the
morning.

45
00:01:53,520 --> 00:01:54,521
(GRUNTS ANGRILY)

46
00:01:56,720 --> 00:01:57,721
(GRUNTS ANGRILY)

47
00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:00,370
(BOTH GRUNTING ANGRILY)

48
00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:04,326
Next?

49
00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:05,640
(GRUNTS)

50
00:02:05,720 --> 00:02:07,210
Can you make
me look like this?

51
00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:10,408
(BOTH GRUNTING ANGRILY)

52
00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:16,045
Whoa! My bad boy spikes!
My good girl points!

53
00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:21,044
Children, the mall will
provide you a wide range
of subjects,

54
00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:23,680
while I return some socks
that appeared to be black,

55
00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:25,922
but were in reality,
a very dark blue.

56
00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:28,486
The best photographs,
or "photos,"

57
00:02:28,760 --> 00:02:32,162
will be prominently
displayed in the school
lobby all year long.

58
00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:33,241
(BOTH GULP)

59
00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:35,643
(WIND CHIMES CHIMING)

60
00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:37,006
(GASPING EAGERLY)

61
00:02:37,080 --> 00:02:38,161
(GASPS)
(SCREAMS)

62
00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:39,571
After them!

63
00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:45,044
Oh! I love you,
dumpster buns!

64
00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:46,121
(GULPS)

65
00:02:46,640 --> 00:02:47,971
BOTH: Dad?
Huh?

66
00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:51,243
Oh, big surprise.
The fat guy's
eating garbage.

67
00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:52,446
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

68
00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:54,085
Come on! We'll hide
in the theater!
(GASPS)

69
00:02:57,280 --> 00:02:58,611
(CHUCKUNG)

70
00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:01,365
Well, I guess you didn't
find anything interesting
to photograph.

71
00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:03,767
Check it out.
The principal's
got a shirt wiener.

72
00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:05,161
Hmm?

73
00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:06,806
(SHUTTERS CLICKING)

74
00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:13,124
Leave your body, Seymour.
Leave your body.

75
00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:16,646
(HOMER READING)

76
00:03:16,880 --> 00:03:19,804
Ooh! A He is Risen production.

77
00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:24,602
I wish you'd come
to church with us,
sweetheart.

78
00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:28,651
(CHUCKLES) Church?
I'd rather play golf on
the holiest day of the week.

79
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:31,685
Oh!
Finally, a character
I can relate to.

80
00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:33,125
I bet good things
happen to him.

81
00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:37,451
But, honey, with recent
troubles in the Mideast
and other ominous signs,

82
00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:39,124
the Rapture could
soon be upon us.

83
00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:42,006
The Rapture?
Easy there, Helen.

84
00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:43,809
Science has shown
religion is just
an old wives' tale.

85
00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:44,927
(ALL GASP)

86
00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:47,964
I'm sorry, but the only thing
I'm praying for is that you

87
00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:49,844
take it easy on
our credit cards.

88
00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:51,645
(LAUGHING)

89
00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:54,801
(BOTH MOANING)

90
00:03:55,600 --> 00:04:00,242
Oh, Mr. Thompson,
what if your wife
finds out?

91
00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:02,846
It's modern times.
Everyone's doing it.

92
00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:06,009
Where did my Christian
limo driver go?

93
00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:08,401
(TIRES SCREECHING)

94
00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:13,926
My pious husband
is missing.

95
00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:16,651
The baby I chose to
have baptized is gone.

96
00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:19,122
(THUNDER CRACKING)

97
00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:21,771
Mr. Thompson,
what's happening?

98
00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:23,769
It's the Rapture, Shauna.
The Rapture.

99
00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:28,926
The virtuous have gone
to heaven and the rest
of us have been left below.

100
00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:32,488
(GASPS) Left below?
Where have I heard
that before?

101
00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:35,404
It's the title of the movie.
(GASPS) It's everywhere!

102
00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:37,251
We were fools!

103
00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:40,961
And because we rejected God,
tacitly accepting Satan,

104
00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:43,486
we must suffer
through the Apocalypse.

105
00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:45,810
(THUNDER CRACKING)

106
00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:51,048
I thought all religions
were a path to God.
I was wrong.

107
00:04:51,240 --> 00:04:52,844
(THUNDER CRACKING)

108
00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:56,490
Why did I put my faith
in science and technology?

109
00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:58,724
(THUNDER CRACKING)

110
00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:01,407
Oh, why did I choose
to be gay?

111
00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:05,401
Oh! This movie will haunt
me for the rest of my life.

112
00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:07,323
Just like <i>Cannonball Run II.</i>

113
00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:12,242
Marge, what if the Rapture
is coming and I haven't led
a good enough life?

114
00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:14,767
I could be left below.

115
00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:16,684
Sweetie, don't worry.

116
00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:19,684
God wouldn't spring
the Rapture on us
unannounced.

117
00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:22,690
He'd send us signs
like, I don't know,

118
00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:25,724
all the dogs getting
on a spaceship and leaving.

119
00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:28,491
Yeah, I'll bet the cats'd
be psyched about that.

120
00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:29,686
(LAUGHING)

121
00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:32,411
Thanks, Marge.
You've put my
mind at ease.

122
00:05:32,480 --> 00:05:36,041
Now, how about
a little rapture
for Mama?

123
00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:37,201
Ooh!

124
00:05:37,280 --> 00:05:40,011
I could be the Rachel
to your Jacob.

125
00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:42,765
Okay, but it's tough for me
not to think about their
hardship.

126
00:05:42,840 --> 00:05:44,205
(BOTH MOANING)

127
00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:48,168
Marge is right.
The Rapture isn't coming.

128
00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:49,924
There haven't been
any ominous signs.

129
00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:51,843
(GROWLING)

130
00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:53,604
Follow me.

131
00:05:56,120 --> 00:05:57,246
(SCREAMS)

132
00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:00,804
It's just not
working out, Barry.

133
00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:03,491
Yeah, I guess I better study
for the police exam again.

134
00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:04,891
Good luck.
You, too.

135
00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:10,088
(GASPS AND SCREAMS)

136
00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:12,800
Blood is raining
from the sky!

137
00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:17,526
Hang on there, big fella.
We'll save you.

138
00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:23,201
This ain't personal.
I just love to scrimshaw.

139
00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:26,206
(SCREAMS)

140
00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:29,281
Judgment Day is at hand.

141
00:06:36,840 --> 00:06:37,841
Can I help you?

142
00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:40,168
We're having a sale
on Bible magnifying
glasses.

143
00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:42,044
(HOMER READING)

144
00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:44,362
Uh, do you have any
books on the Rapture?

145
00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:46,767
Yes, this one
is 15% off.

146
00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:48,530
(HOMER SCREAMS)

147
00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:49,721
I'll take everything you got.

148
00:06:49,840 --> 00:06:52,889
And would you like
to take advantage of our
Friends of Flanders discount?

149
00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:54,166
No, thank you.

150
00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:55,810
(MARGE HUMMING)

151
00:06:57,120 --> 00:06:59,805
Here's a pretty
little wig for Lisa.

152
00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:04,846
And a handsome
toupee for Bart.

153
00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:08,483
So, you still think I'm crazy
for saving all your hair
trimmings?

154
00:07:08,560 --> 00:07:09,686
BOTH: No, ma'am.

155
00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:13,162
Okay, then.
Let's get the rest of this
hair back in the freezer.

156
00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:15,891
Hmm... Hmm...

157
00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:18,167
Homie, you didn't touch
your second dinner tonight.

158
00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:22,325
And you're reading books.
Word books! What's going on?

159
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,209
Marge, the Rapture is nigh.

160
00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:26,362
These books will help
me figure out how nigh.

161
00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:28,329
This whole deal
is scientifically proven.

162
00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:31,051
The Book of Revelations
has 404 verses.

163
00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:33,851
Add the number of people
at the Last Supper

164
00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:36,890
minus the number
of Filipinos in the Bible,

165
00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:40,323
and you get...
Three million, 100...

166
00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:43,643
3:15 p.m., May 18th.

167
00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:45,649
That's when the
Rapture will begin.

168
00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:48,047
May 18th?
That's one week from today!

169
00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:50,288
(GASPS)
A week? That's...

170
00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:52,731
Seven days from now!

171
00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:56,049
(RINGING BELL)
The world will end next week!

172
00:07:56,160 --> 00:08:00,404
Spend your children's
college funds!
Thaw that turkey now!

173
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:03,563
This is Kent Brockman
reporting live from
downtown Springfield,

174
00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:06,166
where overweight doomsayer
Homer Simpson is predicting

175
00:08:06,240 --> 00:08:08,811
the world will end
next Wednesday.

176
00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:12,407
Homer, what turned
you from sad drunk
to mad monk?

177
00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:15,324
Funny story, Kent.
It's the end of the world!

178
00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:19,246
God loves you!
He's gonna kill you!

179
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:21,047
Here's my angle.

180
00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:24,170
There's no way in God's
heaven I should get into
God's heaven.

181
00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:28,564
But maybe he'll let me
in if I warn others the
Apocalypse is coming,

182
00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:31,445
as I previously shouted.
I see.

183
00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:33,005
Well, we have
30 seconds left.

184
00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:34,525
Any other
cuckoo yip-yap?

185
00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:36,011
Uh... Oh!

186
00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:38,367
Here's one.
Revelation 6:13.

187
00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:42,280
"Just before the Rapture,
the stars will fall to
the Earth."

188
00:08:42,360 --> 00:08:45,807
So, all you hippies out there
might wanna...for that one.

189
00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:47,809
(LAUGHING)
There you have
it, folks.

190
00:08:47,920 --> 00:08:51,561
And if I can make a prediction
of my own, this weekend's
Springfield Lettuce Festival

191
00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:53,210
is gonna be bigger
and better than ever!

192
00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:57,444
We've got romaine, iceberg,
radicchio, and everyone's
favorite, baby bib.

193
00:08:57,520 --> 00:09:00,000
Even a few cabbages are
getting in on the fun.

194
00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:01,445
(RINGING BELL)

195
00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:04,162
Homie, I'm glad
you're getting
exercise.

196
00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:06,931
I just wish it wasn't
crazy exercise.

197
00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:11,489
Marge, in a world gone
mad, only a lunatic is
truly insane.

198
00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:17,208
Dad, we love you, but we
just don't think the world
is coming to an end. Yet.

199
00:09:17,320 --> 00:09:19,607
100 years, global warming,
we're goners.

200
00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:23,122
But for now, you think
you could lighten up on
this "left below" stuff?

201
00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:29,084
Well, I guess this thing
does look pretty silly.

202
00:09:29,280 --> 00:09:32,170
Let's all take off our
sandwich boards and watch TV.

203
00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:35,164
SIDESHOW MEL: <i>Live from
Springfield Stadium, it's...</i>

204
00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:39,131
(SIDESHOW MEL READING)

205
00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:43,922
<i>The crowd is abuzz and agog
as the celebrity blimp
approaches.</i>

206
00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:48,603
<i>And look, here is
America's favorite waste
of taxpayer dollars,</i>

207
00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:51,246
<i>the Blue Angels!</i>

208
00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:55,127
<i>What the... The Blue Angels?</i>

209
00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:57,481
<i>I thought we were
getting Charlie's Angels.</i>

210
00:09:57,560 --> 00:09:58,891
(SOBBING)

211
00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:03,089
<i>Oh, God! We're going down!</i>

212
00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:07,041
<i>I don't want to die
next to Kathy Griffin!</i>

213
00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:08,849
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

214
00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:13,044
(GASPS) The stars
are falling to the earth!

215
00:10:13,120 --> 00:10:14,121
(GASPS)

216
00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:17,808
Just as you predicted.

217
00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:19,964
KRUSTY: <i>Well, that's
our show for tonight.</i>

218
00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:24,085
<i>I'd like to thank all the very
talented people who broke
my fall.</i>

219
00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:28,848
<i>To all the fans of Los Lobos,
mucho, mucho condolences.</i>

220
00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:30,160
(LAUGHING)

221
00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:31,287
<i>Good night, everybody!</i>

222
00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:33,084
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

223
00:10:33,680 --> 00:10:35,170
Homer, you were right.

224
00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:37,647
That must mean
you were right about
the Rapture, too.

225
00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:40,565
Yeah. I was wondering
if you could help
save my soul.

226
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,165
I've done stuff
I ain't proud of.

227
00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:44,561
And the stuff I am
proud of is disgusting.

228
00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:46,484
But what are we supposed
to do on Wednesday?

229
00:10:46,560 --> 00:10:47,891
Lie naked on our roof?

230
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:50,241
Because that girls' school
says I can't do that no more.

231
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:53,244
When the time comes,
we won't be in our homes

232
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,846
because we're all
gonna go here.

233
00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:57,206
(CROWD MURMURING)

234
00:10:57,280 --> 00:10:59,009
That's Springfield Mesa.

235
00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:03,529
It's 15 miles north, past the
Warren Harding Memorial
Through-hole.

236
00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:05,922
Exactly. It came
to me in a vision,

237
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:09,243
or maybe it was
a drunken haze, or possibly
an ice cream headache.

238
00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:13,120
Well, well, well, looks
like someone's having
a pre-Rapture party.

239
00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:14,366
No, Flanders.

240
00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:17,125
It's a meeting
of gay witches
for abortion.

241
00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:18,326
You wouldn't be interested.

242
00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:19,481
Mmm-mmm.

243
00:11:19,560 --> 00:11:21,050
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

244
00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:22,921
<i>All right, everybody.</i>

245
00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:26,482
<i>Pair up with a Rapture buddy
who will watch your back
through all eternity.</i>

246
00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:28,649
Chief Wiggum,
wanna be my buddy?

247
00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:32,088
What's wrong with Carl?
Trouble in paradise?
(CHUCKLES)

248
00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:34,288
Dad, please don't
go through with this.

249
00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:38,361
All through history,
self-anointed seers have
predicted the end of the world

250
00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:40,249
and they've always been wrong.

251
00:11:40,440 --> 00:11:44,001
But, sweetheart,
I have something
they didn't have.

252
00:11:44,080 --> 00:11:45,969
A good feeling
about this.

253
00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:48,441
It's all right, Lisa.
Don't go. More heaven for me.

254
00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:50,762
Lisa's going!
We're all going!

255
00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:54,083
Come on, Lisa.
No one in this family
is being left below.

256
00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:57,164
Wait for me! I'm a-coming.

257
00:11:57,440 --> 00:11:59,602
Don't worry, Dad!
There's a bus coming for you!

258
00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:01,121
Drive! Drive!

259
00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:03,567
ALL: <i>99 minutes
until we're all saved</i>

260
00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:05,888
<i>99 minutes to go</i>

261
00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:08,486
<i>Unless it turns out
that you're not devout</i>

262
00:12:08,680 --> 00:12:11,001
<i>Then you're gonna
be left down below</i>

263
00:12:11,080 --> 00:12:13,526
<i>98 minutes until
we're all saved</i>

264
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:14,647
<i>98 minutes to go</i>

265
00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:16,882
(PANTING)
Wait for me!
Wait for me!

266
00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:18,371
(GRUNTS)

267
00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:19,851
(GROANING)

268
00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:25,244
Okay, guys. Get ready.
We're just seconds away.

269
00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:26,651
(CROWD MURMURING)

270
00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:28,848
You saved us, Homer.
I can't wait!

271
00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:31,287
I'm gonna steal God's secrets
and sell them to Satan.

272
00:12:31,560 --> 00:12:34,040
ALL: Six, five, four...

273
00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:36,606
I'm so proud
of you, Homie.

274
00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:38,848
ALL: ...two, one!
(BEEPING)

275
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:40,968
Goodbye, stupid Earth!

276
00:12:45,160 --> 00:12:47,242
There appears
to be some delay.

277
00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:50,369
Huh? My watch must be
running fast. Wait for it.

278
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:53,046
Wait for it, wait for it.

279
00:12:57,280 --> 00:12:59,851
Wait for it, wait for it.

280
00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:01,690
Wait for it.

281
00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:09,127
Wait for it, wait for it.

282
00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:10,361
Ha-ha!

283
00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:12,010
Life goes on.

284
00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:13,889
(CROWD MURMURING ANGRILY)

285
00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:17,130
Please don't go!
Please!

286
00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:20,402
Please? I command you!

287
00:13:21,040 --> 00:13:23,088
Homie, I better
start dinner.

288
00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:25,405
Oh!

289
00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:27,847
Lisa, you still
believe in me,
don't you?

290
00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:32,807
Dad, if you'll recall,
I never believed in you,
not for one second.

291
00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:35,322
Aw! That's my girl.

292
00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:36,925
Oh.

293
00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:45,881
Hey, Nostra-dumbass,
did the Rapture come?
I can't recall.

294
00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:49,085
In fact, I can recall,
and it didn't and you suck.

295
00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:53,163
Hey, fatwad, here's another
thing you didn't predict.

296
00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:54,241
(GRUNTS ANGRILY)
(GRUNTS)

297
00:13:54,320 --> 00:13:55,321
(ALL LAUGHING)

298
00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:58,847
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

299
00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:01,611
Oh, let's go to Moe's.
We'll walk and punch.

300
00:14:01,680 --> 00:14:05,730
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

301
00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:06,801
Huh?

302
00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:14,521
Moe, what happened
to your eponymous
tavern?

303
00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:18,367
Yeah, funny thing that.
You said the end was coming,

304
00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:21,046
so I sold the bar
to some Japanese
businessmen

305
00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:22,724
and gave the money to charity.

306
00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:27,050
Now them orphans got
new skip ropes, and I end
every day smelling like eel.

307
00:14:27,120 --> 00:14:30,169
Cats are all over me.
Thank you, though.
You did me a solid.

308
00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:33,050
Hey, there's that jerk
who tried to save us.

309
00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:35,122
Nice Rapture, Einstein.

310
00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:36,810
(PEOPLE JEERING)

311
00:14:37,280 --> 00:14:38,645
(SOBBING)

312
00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:40,407
(GULPS)

313
00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:41,845
(SOBBING)

314
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:48,121
(BARKS)

315
00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:52,883
Hey, you with the tempura,
your arm broken?

316
00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:58,447
<i>How can people be so heartless</i>

317
00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:03,886
<i>How can people be so cruel</i>

318
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:06,002
<i>Easy to be hard</i>

319
00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:09,163
Ten, 11, 12, 13?

320
00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:12,962
Twelve apostles.
But Jesus was at
the Last Supper, too.

321
00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:14,611
This changes everything.

322
00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:22,247
Multiply by seven.
Don't forget to carry the 666.

323
00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:24,886
Wake up.
The Rapture's coming
in half an hour!

324
00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:27,281
There's no time to waste.
Marge, grill a chicken!

325
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:28,600
No, make sandwiches.

326
00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:33,288
And some Kettle Chips
would be nice.
Original, not barbecue!

327
00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:40,849
Ah, we got school tomorrow.
Yeah. School.

328
00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:42,406
Hmm...

329
00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:44,608
Forget school!
We have to get
to the mesa.

330
00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:47,001
We're not going
anywhere except to bed.

331
00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:48,286
But my prediction says...

332
00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:52,081
You couldn't
predict 6:00 at 5:30.
Now, good night.

333
00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:54,125
(ALL SLAM DOORS)

334
00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:00,121
(SLAMS DOOR)

335
00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:08,325
Stupid family.
Won't even come
to my Rapture.

336
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:13,042
I went to Lisa's school play,
which had serious pacing
problems.

337
00:16:13,120 --> 00:16:14,724
(WOLF HOWLING)

338
00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:17,842
Three, two, one...

339
00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:19,160
(BEEPING)

340
00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:24,481
Oh, I'm wrong again!

341
00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:26,370
I'm nothing but a big, fat...

342
00:16:27,040 --> 00:16:28,041
Woo-hoo!

343
00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:29,724
I was right!

344
00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:34,050
And there's the Earth.
So beautiful with
your many rings.

345
00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:43,411
(RINGS BELL)

346
00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:46,531
Homer Simpson,
welcome to heaven.

347
00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:49,570
Now let's get you
some clothes, huh?
I'm comfortable like this.

348
00:16:49,640 --> 00:16:51,563
Yeah, well, this is heaven.
For everyone.

349
00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:54,686
This is our nature walk,
our pedicure hut,

350
00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:58,242
our state-of-the-art showroom,
tonight featuring Los Lobos.

351
00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:00,084
And over there
is our water slide.

352
00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:02,606
That's coming next year.
It's gonna be super fantastic.

353
00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:04,763
How come it's not open yet?
(SIGHS)

354
00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:07,810
Look, just don't use
leprechaun labor, okay?
Don't do it.

355
00:17:08,120 --> 00:17:10,487
And the best part
of heaven is,

356
00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:13,848
anything you wish for,
you get, lickety-split.

357
00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:15,121
Hmm...

358
00:17:17,320 --> 00:17:18,321
(LAUGHING)

359
00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:23,680
Okay, just for that,
your room is next
to the kiddy pool.

360
00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:26,570
All right,
Mr. Smarty-Head-Exploder?

361
00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:28,765
So, if you need
further assistance,

362
00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:31,650
just call the front desk
and ask for Andre, okay?

363
00:17:33,360 --> 00:17:34,361
<i>(CLEARS THROAT)</i>

364
00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:37,969
Oh, uh, sorry, I'd tip you,
but I don't have any cash.

365
00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:40,765
You know, you
could wish for some.
I could...

366
00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:44,601
Wait. Before you go,
there's one thing
I gotta know.

367
00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:45,966
What happened
to my family?

368
00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:53,004
<i>Heaven has a wide array
of fine dining just steps
from your room.</i>

369
00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:55,242
<i>Have
a light bite at the
Pope of Sandwich Village.</i>

370
00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:58,847
Okay, let's see.
Earth is channel 23,
I think.

371
00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:03,240
(SCREAMING)

372
00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:05,931
(GROWLING)

373
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:08,240
(SCREAMING)

374
00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:10,607
Why didn't we
listen to Dad?

375
00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:14,401
The worst part is
I'll never see my
Homie again.

376
00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:17,723
That's the worst part?
Then I'm not doing my job.

377
00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:21,322
(LAUGHING DIABOLICALLY)
(MARGE SCREAMS)

378
00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:23,243
I've gotta save them!

379
00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:34,689
Homer, what's wrong?

380
00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:38,970
Lord, you got a first-class
destination resort here.
Really top-notch.

381
00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:41,930
But I can't enjoy myself
knowing my family
is suffering.

382
00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:45,283
Don't tell me about
family suffering.

383
00:18:45,360 --> 00:18:47,761
My son went down
to Earth once.

384
00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:52,448
I don't know what you
people did to him, but he
hasn't been the same since.

385
00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:55,050
(SWING SQUEAKING)

386
00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:56,481
Oh, he'll be fine.

387
00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:59,326
And you could still
spare my family by...
Pass.

388
00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:03,361
Buddy, you just made
yourself a powerful enemy.

389
00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:05,761
(GRUNTING ANGRILY)

390
00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:16,969
Hey, what's the big
idea, pally?

391
00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:18,166
Why so crabby?

392
00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:20,687
Screw you, Dino!
You squandered
your gift.

393
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:21,761
(GRUNTS ANGRILY)

394
00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:24,441
Uh-oh.

395
00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:25,806
(SIREN WAILING)

396
00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:31,604
Squandered my gift?
I made 68 albums.

397
00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:41,524
I'm sorry, but heaven
isn't heaven without
my family in it.

398
00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:43,001
(SIGHS)

399
00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:44,730
What do you want, Homer?

400
00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:46,211
Just send me
back to Earth

401
00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:48,362
and put off this whole
Rapture hoop-dee-doo

402
00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:50,124
for another couple
of years or so.

403
00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:51,685
But it's already started.

404
00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:54,764
To do what you're asking,
I'd have to turn back time.

405
00:19:55,120 --> 00:19:58,408
Superman did it.
Fine, Mr. Smarty-Pants.

406
00:19:58,480 --> 00:20:00,608
I will undo the Apocalypse.

407
00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:04,567
Thanks. Listen, could you
do me one more favor?

408
00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:07,331
You want me to help you
with your alcoholism?

409
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:09,448
No, I'm in a good
place with that.

410
00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:11,642
Why don't you just
take these pamphlets?

411
00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:13,882
Yeah, I'll definitely
read those later.

412
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:17,169
Now, listen, if you
could just see your
way clear to...

413
00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:18,605
(WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY)

414
00:20:19,360 --> 00:20:20,486
Very well.

415
00:20:22,360 --> 00:20:24,931
Deus ex machina!

416
00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:27,801
(GROANING)

417
00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:34,921
Oh, it was all just a dream.
What? What are these wings?

418
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:37,321
Oh, it's just a seagull
stuck in my back.

419
00:20:38,360 --> 00:20:40,966
Dad, we've been so
worried about you.

420
00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:45,085
The Warren Harding
Through-hole never
seemed so long.

421
00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:49,210
Yeah, I missed you guys, too.
Now, if you'll excuse me...

422
00:20:49,360 --> 00:20:53,729
<i>Hallelujah, Hallelujah,
Hallelujah, Hallelujah</i>

423
00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:57,361
Thank you, Lord!
It's back the way it was.

424
00:20:57,440 --> 00:20:59,010
(ALL MOANING)

425
00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:01,766
Ah, this is heaven.

426
00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:53,081
(SHUSHING)

426
00:21:54,305 --> 00:22:00,604
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