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00:00:01,267 --> 00:00:03,302
(Johnny Carson
Tonight Show theme playing)
2
00:00:03,304 --> 00:00:07,606
KANG:
Live from Rigel 7, Conquerors
of Rigels 4 through 6,
3
00:00:07,608 --> 00:00:10,609
it's the 25th annual
Treehouse of Horror!
4
00:00:10,611 --> 00:00:13,278
With special guest stars
Jennifer Lawrence,
5
00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:15,814
Warren Beatty, John Travolta,
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00:00:15,816 --> 00:00:17,950
Clint Eastwood, George Clooney,
7
00:00:17,952 --> 00:00:20,819
Prince, Taylor Swift,
Sean Penn,
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00:00:20,821 --> 00:00:23,322
Bruce Springsteen,
Helen Mirren,
9
00:00:23,324 --> 00:00:25,624
Morgan Freeman, James Franco,
10
00:00:25,626 --> 00:00:29,962
Kanye West and...
Leonardo DiCaprio.
11
00:00:29,964 --> 00:00:32,798
(applause and cheering)
12
00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:35,801
Why?
13
00:00:35,803 --> 00:00:38,203
(Kang and Kodos laughing)
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00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:46,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
15
00:00:48,481 --> 00:00:51,216
This has been a bad week,
even for you, Simpson.
16
00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:52,651
Concrete in the sandbox?
17
00:00:52,653 --> 00:00:54,219
I don't get lost anymore!
18
00:00:54,221 --> 00:00:55,854
Spreading the rumor
that today's lunch
19
00:00:55,856 --> 00:00:57,322
would be served
by a naked lady.
20
00:00:57,324 --> 00:00:59,024
Move it!
Boobs! Boobs!
21
00:00:59,026 --> 00:01:01,160
I want to see boobs in the soup!
22
00:01:01,162 --> 00:01:02,995
There is no naked lunch lady!
Bart made it up!
23
00:01:02,997 --> 00:01:05,164
Yes, yes,
I-I knew that.
24
00:01:05,166 --> 00:01:06,999
There's no hope
for you, Simpson.
25
00:01:07,001 --> 00:01:08,333
You'll be locked
in detention
26
00:01:08,335 --> 00:01:10,169
until you graduate
to the penal system.
27
00:01:10,171 --> 00:01:11,670
(laughing)
Penal.
28
00:01:11,672 --> 00:01:14,706
Stop laughing! I said
"penal," not "penile."
29
00:01:14,708 --> 00:01:16,508
(laughs)
Penile.
30
00:01:16,510 --> 00:01:18,744
It's not like you
made me say "penis"!
31
00:01:18,746 --> 00:01:20,746
(laughing)
32
00:01:20,748 --> 00:01:23,415
(groaning)
33
00:01:37,897 --> 00:01:40,265
Hmm.
34
00:01:43,069 --> 00:01:45,070
Ow! Oh.
35
00:01:45,072 --> 00:01:47,206
Someone could get really hurt
by this.
36
00:01:47,208 --> 00:01:48,740
Stick your finger
in that desk.
37
00:01:48,742 --> 00:01:49,875
Really, Bart?
38
00:01:49,877 --> 00:01:52,411
Hmm, looks like ancient Aramaic.
39
00:01:52,413 --> 00:01:54,913
Fortunately, I have
an app for that.
40
00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:56,381
(beep)
41
00:01:56,383 --> 00:01:59,284
(click, trilling, ding)
42
00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:00,285
Hey!
43
00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:03,422
"He who reads
this rune translation
44
00:02:03,424 --> 00:02:07,226
will be taken to damnation"?
45
00:02:07,228 --> 00:02:09,628
(both gasp)
46
00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:12,931
(both scream)
47
00:02:12,933 --> 00:02:14,399
(hissing)
48
00:02:14,401 --> 00:02:16,735
(alarm sounding)
SKINNER:
Simpson!
49
00:02:16,737 --> 00:02:18,871
(hissing)
50
00:02:22,242 --> 00:02:23,809
(both grunt)
51
00:02:23,811 --> 00:02:25,144
BOTH:
Huh?
52
00:02:25,146 --> 00:02:26,478
We're in Hell?!
53
00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:28,814
Cool! Now I can look
up all those people
54
00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:30,415
who said "See
you in Hell."
55
00:02:30,417 --> 00:02:32,284
Hey, pal, what are
you in here for?
56
00:02:32,286 --> 00:02:33,752
Heresies, like Docetism.
57
00:02:33,754 --> 00:02:35,254
Docetism?
58
00:02:35,256 --> 00:02:37,289
The belief that Jesus' body
was just an illusion.
59
00:02:37,291 --> 00:02:38,624
Is that still big?
60
00:02:38,626 --> 00:02:41,293
Haw-haw! Your heresies
were venialized
61
00:02:41,295 --> 00:02:42,995
by the council
of Palermo.
62
00:02:42,997 --> 00:02:44,997
Oh, shut up,
shut up, shut up!
63
00:02:44,999 --> 00:02:46,765
(crowd chatter and groaning)
64
00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:50,102
We've got millipedes,
toothheads, screaming torsos...
65
00:02:50,104 --> 00:02:51,503
(screaming)
66
00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:53,338
...your bleeding eyes
with finger-legs.
67
00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:55,340
And all the girls
are mean girls.
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00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:57,476
Red dress,
how original.
69
00:02:57,478 --> 00:03:00,112
Making fun of someone's clothes.
How original.
70
00:03:00,114 --> 00:03:02,381
Huh. You want
to walk with us?
71
00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:05,517
It's true.
72
00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:08,921
It would be a cold day
in Hell when I was popular.
73
00:03:10,957 --> 00:03:12,357
Huh?
74
00:03:12,359 --> 00:03:13,959
Young man,
where's your Hell pass?
75
00:03:13,961 --> 00:03:15,627
Skin him!
76
00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:16,795
Whoa.
77
00:03:16,797 --> 00:03:18,130
(gasps)
78
00:03:18,132 --> 00:03:19,531
(grunts)
79
00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:20,799
Huh?
80
00:03:20,801 --> 00:03:22,134
Hmm.
81
00:03:22,136 --> 00:03:23,669
So,
82
00:03:23,671 --> 00:03:26,471
what would be
the appropriate eternal torture
83
00:03:26,473 --> 00:03:29,374
for someone who robbed a bank?
84
00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:31,476
(flame whooshing)
85
00:03:31,478 --> 00:03:32,878
Uh...
86
00:03:33,846 --> 00:03:35,881
Someone who robs a bank.
87
00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:38,317
How would you punish them
for all time?
88
00:03:38,319 --> 00:03:40,052
Mm... Jeffistopheles?
89
00:03:40,054 --> 00:03:42,020
(in squeaky voice):
Uh... wh-whipping?
90
00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:43,555
Okay. Good.
91
00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:44,990
No one likes to be whipped,
92
00:03:44,992 --> 00:03:48,694
but is there anything
more connected to the sin?
93
00:03:48,696 --> 00:03:50,395
Torture?
94
00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:53,398
What if you made the robber
eat bags of money
95
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,200
until his stomach exploded?
96
00:03:55,202 --> 00:03:57,669
Good. Very good.
(high-pitched whooshing)
97
00:03:57,671 --> 00:03:59,071
Mm.
98
00:03:59,073 --> 00:04:00,872
Psychological
torment.
99
00:04:00,874 --> 00:04:02,407
Pain plus fear.
100
00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:05,177
Oh, can you all feel
how much richer that is?
101
00:04:05,179 --> 00:04:06,678
You get a pumpkin sticker.
102
00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:08,213
Ow.
103
00:04:08,215 --> 00:04:10,015
(gasps)
This has never happened before.
104
00:04:10,017 --> 00:04:11,516
I have a crush on my teacher!
105
00:04:11,518 --> 00:04:14,019
Down here, we can
make that happen.
106
00:04:14,021 --> 00:04:15,854
(locker door squeaks)
107
00:04:15,856 --> 00:04:18,357
(both giggle)
108
00:04:18,359 --> 00:04:20,525
Every time the sinner
screams in pain,
109
00:04:20,527 --> 00:04:22,094
the scream blows this windmill,
110
00:04:22,096 --> 00:04:25,364
which pumps even more piranhas
into his aquarium underwear,
111
00:04:25,366 --> 00:04:26,598
causing more screaming.
112
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,534
Wow. Wow.
Oh, that is
so evil.
113
00:04:29,536 --> 00:04:32,204
And I know evil.
I'm head of the teachers' union.
114
00:04:32,206 --> 00:04:33,538
(bell ringing)
115
00:04:33,540 --> 00:04:35,874
(grunting and groaning)
116
00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:38,944
Bart, I found a portal
back to Earth.
117
00:04:40,046 --> 00:04:41,713
Right here?
118
00:04:41,715 --> 00:04:43,882
No, no, no, no!
That's Super Hell!
119
00:04:43,884 --> 00:04:45,450
Hot Stuff?
120
00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:47,386
I didn't realize
you were that evil.
121
00:04:47,388 --> 00:04:49,388
(à la Droopy):
No, I'm being punished
122
00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:51,790
for how lame my comics were.
123
00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:53,292
(whooshing)
124
00:04:53,294 --> 00:04:56,061
I melted it. Get it?
125
00:04:56,063 --> 00:04:57,229
(crow caws)
126
00:04:57,231 --> 00:05:00,732
(flames whooshing, hissing)
127
00:05:00,734 --> 00:05:03,402
Welcome to Earth.
Local time is 10:37.
128
00:05:03,404 --> 00:05:05,404
We know you have your
choice of portals,
129
00:05:05,406 --> 00:05:07,406
so thank you for choosing
the Burns Hellport,
130
00:05:07,408 --> 00:05:09,074
a division of
Gulf and Western.
131
00:05:09,076 --> 00:05:10,642
(Lisa pants, Bart grunts)
132
00:05:11,077 --> 00:05:12,244
Mom, Dad,
133
00:05:12,246 --> 00:05:13,745
I want to
change schools.
Hmm?!
134
00:05:13,747 --> 00:05:16,281
I found a place
that really wants to teach me,
135
00:05:16,283 --> 00:05:17,649
and I really want to learn.
136
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:20,152
Homie, our prayers
have been answered.
137
00:05:20,154 --> 00:05:22,321
Keep your pants on, Marge.
138
00:05:22,323 --> 00:05:23,755
It's probably
some private school
139
00:05:23,757 --> 00:05:25,624
that costs
a million dollars a year,
140
00:05:25,626 --> 00:05:27,492
and then they squeeze you
for extra money
141
00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:29,761
through book fairs
and silent auctions.
142
00:05:29,763 --> 00:05:32,331
And parents get 20 e-mails a day
from the school,
143
00:05:32,333 --> 00:05:34,800
and everyone hits
"reply all" to everything.
144
00:05:34,802 --> 00:05:36,935
Dad, it's not a
private school.
145
00:05:36,937 --> 00:05:38,170
It's free.
146
00:05:38,172 --> 00:05:39,971
Oh, that's fine then.
147
00:05:39,973 --> 00:05:41,473
(man screaming)
148
00:05:41,475 --> 00:05:44,676
I couldn't help noticing
this school is located in...
149
00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:46,945
I'm not one
to judge, but, um...
150
00:05:46,947 --> 00:05:49,481
I'll say it, Marge.
It's in Hell!
151
00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:52,284
The Inferno!
Perdition!
152
00:05:52,286 --> 00:05:53,985
Arizona without the golf!
153
00:05:53,987 --> 00:05:57,956
No. We do have golf,
but all the greens are tricky.
154
00:05:57,958 --> 00:05:58,657
No!
155
00:05:58,659 --> 00:06:00,158
Look, as educators,
156
00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:03,862
our job is to gently nurture
your child's passion.
157
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:05,664
Hmm. That is
the kind of nonsense
158
00:06:05,666 --> 00:06:06,965
you're always
falling for.
159
00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:10,001
Mom, please tell me
I can go to Hell.
160
00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:13,505
Well, I guess
we could try it for a semester.
161
00:06:13,507 --> 00:06:15,874
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
162
00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:17,642
You know,
we have many opportunities
163
00:06:17,644 --> 00:06:18,977
for parent involvement.
164
00:06:18,979 --> 00:06:20,145
(scoffs)
165
00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:23,382
Yeah, I'll be sure
to take a look at that.
166
00:06:25,485 --> 00:06:29,521
(grunting)
167
00:06:29,523 --> 00:06:32,157
♪ Hell
168
00:06:32,159 --> 00:06:33,892
♪ Hell is for children
169
00:06:35,361 --> 00:06:42,334
♪ And you know that their little
lives can become such a mess ♪
170
00:06:42,336 --> 00:06:45,570
♪ Hell
171
00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:47,873
♪ Hell is for children
172
00:06:47,875 --> 00:06:51,543
♪ And you shouldn't have
to pay for your love ♪
173
00:06:51,545 --> 00:06:54,179
♪ With your bones
and your flesh ♪
174
00:06:54,181 --> 00:06:55,914
Hmm.
175
00:06:55,916 --> 00:07:01,753
♪ No, hell is for children.
176
00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:04,089
Now, students,
it's final exam day,
177
00:07:04,091 --> 00:07:06,591
and none of you wants
to repeat the class
178
00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:09,528
like a certain student
I don't want to embarrass.
179
00:07:09,530 --> 00:07:10,529
Torture?
180
00:07:10,531 --> 00:07:12,264
Uh...
181
00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:14,099
Beelzebart, you're first.
182
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:17,102
And you're going to torment
183
00:07:17,104 --> 00:07:21,406
a very special sinner
we've prepared just for you.
184
00:07:21,408 --> 00:07:22,874
Homer?
185
00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:25,777
That-That's my dad.
I can't hurt him.
186
00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:28,113
No, boy.
I want you to do it.
187
00:07:28,115 --> 00:07:29,414
What? Why?
188
00:07:29,416 --> 00:07:30,782
Bart, you went to Hell
189
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:33,785
and came back a
winner, like Jesus.
190
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,120
Now, come on, boy.
191
00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:37,355
Pull me apart
like string cheese.
192
00:07:39,559 --> 00:07:41,793
D'oh! D'oh!
(shrieks)
193
00:07:42,728 --> 00:07:44,463
Webster defines success
194
00:07:44,465 --> 00:07:47,232
as the action
of achieving one's goals.
195
00:07:47,234 --> 00:07:48,767
Don't you, Webster?
196
00:07:48,769 --> 00:07:52,070
I don't care! Why am I here?
197
00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:54,739
You changed the "R-E"
to "E-R" in "theater."
198
00:07:54,741 --> 00:07:56,107
I hate that!
199
00:07:56,109 --> 00:07:58,276
Well, I'll tell you
who supposed to be here--
200
00:07:58,278 --> 00:07:59,744
class mal-edictorian,
201
00:07:59,746 --> 00:08:00,946
Beelzebart Simpson.
202
00:08:00,948 --> 00:08:02,581
(applause and cheering)
203
00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:04,115
(Homer chuckling)
204
00:08:04,117 --> 00:08:05,417
Which one's yours?
205
00:08:05,419 --> 00:08:06,585
(grunting)
206
00:08:06,587 --> 00:08:08,987
Nice.
207
00:08:19,098 --> 00:08:22,000
MOE:
That was me,
when I was a young hoodlink,
208
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:25,270
with me three bestest glugs,
Leonard, Carlton and Dum.
209
00:08:25,272 --> 00:08:28,139
We was narsty tastards,
we were, even though we dressed
210
00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:30,675
like Carol Channing's
backup dancers.
211
00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:33,144
Some days, we'd employ a bit
of the bash
212
00:08:33,146 --> 00:08:35,280
while having a go
at the West End Wiseguys...
213
00:08:35,282 --> 00:08:36,815
Ooh, stop it!
Hey, pally, come on.
214
00:08:36,817 --> 00:08:38,316
Hey, what's wrong with youse?
215
00:08:38,318 --> 00:08:40,452
Ooh, I was told this would be
a verbal debate! Ooh!
216
00:08:40,454 --> 00:08:44,523
...and cap off the night with
a little of the ol' in-out.
217
00:08:44,525 --> 00:08:46,491
ALL:
In. Out.
(bell dinging)
218
00:08:46,493 --> 00:08:48,026
In. Out.
(bell dinging)
219
00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:51,997
In. Out. In. Out.
(bell dinging)
220
00:08:51,999 --> 00:08:54,165
MOE:
Everything was all
fish and chippy
221
00:08:54,167 --> 00:08:57,369
until Dum collected himself
a twiggy-wick.
222
00:08:57,371 --> 00:08:59,137
(with British accent):
Hello, little lamb.
223
00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:00,972
What say we go
back to my place
224
00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:03,141
for a little
of the old Luther Van?
225
00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:05,810
♪ I can't fool myself,
I don't want nobod... ♪
226
00:09:05,812 --> 00:09:08,213
(William Tell Overture plays)
227
00:09:29,035 --> 00:09:32,337
Oy! I'm getting hitched
to this bluebird,
228
00:09:32,339 --> 00:09:35,240
and she wants me
to give up the glug life.
229
00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:38,009
Welly, welly,
well, well, well.
230
00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:39,844
What sorry future
could you have
231
00:09:39,846 --> 00:09:42,347
without your truest
lunos by your side?
232
00:09:42,349 --> 00:09:44,883
Dum got a job
at the Tower of London
233
00:09:44,885 --> 00:09:46,017
as a Beefeater!
234
00:09:46,019 --> 00:09:47,886
I hope it's what
I think it is.
235
00:09:47,888 --> 00:09:51,389
MOE:
Who knew, my brothers, that
when Dum found his Dumpling
236
00:09:51,391 --> 00:09:53,892
that was the end
of our band of glugs?
237
00:09:53,894 --> 00:09:56,561
Leonard and Carlton informed me
my leadership
238
00:09:56,563 --> 00:09:58,697
was no longer needed.
239
00:09:58,699 --> 00:10:00,599
(grunting)
240
00:10:00,601 --> 00:10:02,067
Ah.
241
00:10:02,069 --> 00:10:04,102
Not the Shard!
Not the Shard!
242
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:05,904
(groaning)
243
00:10:05,906 --> 00:10:08,773
So I took up
the respectable life
244
00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:11,309
of a sleazy barkeep.
245
00:10:13,713 --> 00:10:15,113
(sighs heavily)
246
00:10:19,285 --> 00:10:24,089
These eye clamps are the only
way I can tolerate today's TV.
247
00:10:24,091 --> 00:10:25,757
TV ANNOUNCER:
Tonight on Fox...
248
00:10:25,759 --> 00:10:26,958
(groaning)
249
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:28,560
Turn it off!
I'll be good!
250
00:10:28,562 --> 00:10:30,729
(crying):
I'll be good!
251
00:10:30,731 --> 00:10:33,164
(doorbell rings)
252
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:36,735
There's been a terrible
accident, sir.
253
00:10:36,737 --> 00:10:38,737
Please grant me
access to your home.
254
00:10:38,739 --> 00:10:40,071
Are you kidding me?
255
00:10:40,073 --> 00:10:41,640
I inventedthat gag.
256
00:10:41,642 --> 00:10:44,242
Please, sir. Certainly
a Christian is required
257
00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:46,277
to completely unbolt his door.
258
00:10:46,279 --> 00:10:50,448
Come on, you can't pull the
wooly bull over my viddyballs.
259
00:10:50,450 --> 00:10:51,750
(groaning)
260
00:10:51,752 --> 00:10:55,086
That's a bit
of the old... haw-haw!
261
00:10:55,088 --> 00:10:56,621
(door squeaking)
262
00:10:56,623 --> 00:10:59,457
(Moe grunting)
263
00:10:59,459 --> 00:11:01,493
(grunting)
264
00:11:02,762 --> 00:11:04,629
Not my Shmoo!
265
00:11:04,631 --> 00:11:06,431
Not my Shmoo!
266
00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:07,932
(Moe crying)
267
00:11:07,934 --> 00:11:09,434
(Shmoo shatters)
268
00:11:09,436 --> 00:11:12,771
Those punks got no respect
for them what come before.
269
00:11:12,773 --> 00:11:14,506
Didn't even wear no codpieces.
270
00:11:14,508 --> 00:11:18,176
How do they expect to draw
the eye to their chunky-wunks?
271
00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:21,780
I need me glugs back
for one last bit of barmy.
272
00:11:21,782 --> 00:11:24,449
No! You should not
be out glugging,
273
00:11:24,451 --> 00:11:27,485
shin-slicing,
or eye groining.
274
00:11:27,487 --> 00:11:30,488
We've got a sweet little toddle
to take care of.
275
00:11:30,490 --> 00:11:32,357
(squeaking)
276
00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:34,325
(squeaking)
277
00:11:34,327 --> 00:11:36,961
Enough of this quiet home life!
278
00:11:36,963 --> 00:11:40,432
It's time to be a man again.
279
00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:45,637
After all these month-os,
I hope we don't disremember
280
00:11:45,639 --> 00:11:47,205
how to dash and bash.
281
00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:50,542
Let's start easy with a
little walk into the jay.
282
00:11:50,544 --> 00:11:52,210
(siren blares)
283
00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:54,145
Wait! I recognize those cops
284
00:11:54,147 --> 00:11:56,214
what's be whackin'
my gob-topper!
285
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:58,049
It's Leonard and Carlton!
286
00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:59,851
(laughter)
287
00:11:59,853 --> 00:12:03,988
You blokes want to join me for
one last bit o' noggin' boggin'?
288
00:12:03,990 --> 00:12:05,857
I saved your bowlers.
289
00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:07,325
Hmm? Hmm?
290
00:12:07,327 --> 00:12:09,494
Once again, the glugs
was hittin' the streets
291
00:12:09,496 --> 00:12:12,997
all slow-motion like--
and just as scarifyin'
292
00:12:12,999 --> 00:12:14,999
and intimidato as ever.
293
00:12:15,001 --> 00:12:16,167
Hey, keep up!
294
00:12:16,169 --> 00:12:17,502
(panting)
295
00:12:17,504 --> 00:12:20,739
We put nasties in a hat
and selectoed out one.
296
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:26,578
♪
297
00:12:37,189 --> 00:12:40,091
(deep, echoing groaning nearby)
298
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:42,527
Hey, what kind
of whoo-hoo is this?
299
00:12:42,529 --> 00:12:45,029
Welcome to the most
frustrating, befuddling
300
00:12:45,031 --> 00:12:48,700
and, yes, erotic book release
party you've ever attended.
301
00:12:48,702 --> 00:12:50,735
Sir, are you done
with my bird mask?
302
00:12:50,737 --> 00:12:53,371
(chuckles): Oh, I don't think
you want to wear it now.
303
00:12:53,373 --> 00:12:54,939
I'll be the
judge of that.
304
00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:56,207
Come on, me glugs!
305
00:12:56,209 --> 00:12:58,209
Let's show these
nectarinoes we're still
306
00:12:58,211 --> 00:12:59,711
the best at what we do:
307
00:12:59,713 --> 00:13:03,381
beatin' up old people
and bare-naked ladies!
308
00:13:03,383 --> 00:13:05,049
Get them,
becostumed weirdos!
309
00:13:05,051 --> 00:13:07,552
Sex-view blockers,
keep blocking.
310
00:13:07,554 --> 00:13:10,789
♪
311
00:13:15,561 --> 00:13:18,530
I'll, uh, I'll let you finish.
312
00:13:19,732 --> 00:13:23,067
(ape-like grunting)
("Also Sprach Zarathustra"
playing)
313
00:13:23,069 --> 00:13:26,004
I thought
I left my iPhone here.
314
00:13:27,773 --> 00:13:28,773
(inquisitive grunt)
315
00:13:28,775 --> 00:13:30,008
(hammers cock)
316
00:13:31,277 --> 00:13:34,479
Ooh! Even I forget
what this is a reference to.
317
00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:38,149
MOE:
And so, O my brothers,
I was beaten, I was bruised,
318
00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:40,151
I couldn't score at an orgy.
319
00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:41,786
♪
320
00:13:41,788 --> 00:13:44,389
But I was happy.
321
00:13:46,625 --> 00:13:49,294
All right, let's burn this,
let's rewrite everything,
322
00:13:49,296 --> 00:13:52,697
and, uh, let's start all over.
323
00:13:53,933 --> 00:13:56,267
("The Blue Danube" playing)
324
00:13:56,269 --> 00:13:58,703
(music stops abruptly)
Ow.
325
00:14:04,143 --> 00:14:06,010
♪
326
00:14:06,012 --> 00:14:08,346
(tired mumbling)
327
00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:10,415
(low grunt)
328
00:14:11,617 --> 00:14:14,586
Stupid blood--
asking me for a favor!
329
00:14:16,288 --> 00:14:18,389
(grunts)
330
00:14:19,959 --> 00:14:23,294
Homer, Homer, look what
someone left in the kitchen.
331
00:14:23,296 --> 00:14:26,297
Frosty chocolate milkshakes.
332
00:14:26,299 --> 00:14:27,665
Dad, the TV's screwed up.
333
00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:30,001
It only plays
Married... with Children.
334
00:14:30,003 --> 00:14:31,302
Aw, Peg, you're sick.
335
00:14:31,304 --> 00:14:34,105
Let me call Dr. Kevorkian.
336
00:14:39,178 --> 00:14:42,680
We haven't had sex
in four years, Al.
337
00:14:42,682 --> 00:14:43,681
(audience jeers)
338
00:14:43,683 --> 00:14:46,851
Now I'm the one
who needs Kevorkian.
339
00:14:46,853 --> 00:14:48,086
(audience laughter)
340
00:14:49,154 --> 00:14:51,990
VOICES (distorted):
Our house.
341
00:14:51,992 --> 00:14:53,391
This house is haunted.
342
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:56,194
(gasps)
The milkshakes have vanished!
343
00:14:56,196 --> 00:14:58,396
(slurping)
344
00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:00,164
Hmm? What?
345
00:15:00,166 --> 00:15:02,166
(slurping)
346
00:15:02,168 --> 00:15:03,968
♪
347
00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:08,339
Homie, I think
we're not alone.
348
00:15:08,341 --> 00:15:12,010
I was sleeping in the dryer
and got caught in your sheets.
349
00:15:12,012 --> 00:15:15,413
I'll go make up
the couch for you.
(whimpers)
350
00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:18,016
(Marge moaning
amorously)
351
00:15:18,018 --> 00:15:20,184
Whoa, Marge,
that was fast.
352
00:15:20,186 --> 00:15:21,586
Yeah, that's it, baby.
353
00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:24,389
Grab my chest with
your cold, icy hands.
354
00:15:24,391 --> 00:15:26,257
(moans)
355
00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:28,893
(shrieks)
The bed is lifting me!
356
00:15:28,895 --> 00:15:31,429
The elevator at work
can't even do that.
357
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:34,966
I demand you put me down
right after the sex!
358
00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:36,701
D'oh!
359
00:15:36,703 --> 00:15:38,436
All right, show
yourselves
360
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,939
in the name
of this book!
361
00:15:41,540 --> 00:15:43,041
D'oh! Oh.
362
00:15:43,043 --> 00:15:46,778
The power of Chrysler
compels you!
363
00:15:48,580 --> 00:15:50,548
What are you,
cavemen?
364
00:15:50,550 --> 00:15:51,883
Turn on the lights!
365
00:15:51,885 --> 00:15:53,584
(screaming)
366
00:15:53,586 --> 00:15:56,054
Hey! A little respect!
367
00:15:56,056 --> 00:15:57,655
(grumbles)
368
00:15:58,557 --> 00:16:00,124
Take a picture--
it'll last longer, man.
369
00:16:00,126 --> 00:16:02,894
Hey, if you're Homer
Simpson, show me your
driver's license!
370
00:16:02,896 --> 00:16:06,564
Well, I traded it to a kid
for a bite of his sandwich.
371
00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:07,899
(gasps)
He is me!
372
00:16:07,901 --> 00:16:10,568
Noble spirits,
your time has passed.
373
00:16:10,570 --> 00:16:11,569
(belches)
374
00:16:11,571 --> 00:16:13,304
That was unmotivated.
375
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:14,605
Don't have a cow, man.
376
00:16:14,607 --> 00:16:17,942
Shut up!
Ay, caramba!
(belches)
377
00:16:17,944 --> 00:16:19,410
Homer, do something!
378
00:16:19,412 --> 00:16:20,979
Why is it always me?
379
00:16:20,981 --> 00:16:23,247
I work 12 hours a week,
you know.
380
00:16:23,249 --> 00:16:26,250
She doesn't know
what a good thing she's got.
381
00:16:26,252 --> 00:16:28,753
I likea man
who can relax.
382
00:16:28,755 --> 00:16:31,089
Not like Grumpy-Lumpy there.
383
00:16:31,091 --> 00:16:32,256
Quit makin' cracks!
384
00:16:32,258 --> 00:16:34,625
Speaking of cracks,
pull up your pants, dude.
385
00:16:34,627 --> 00:16:35,760
I'll crack you!
386
00:16:35,762 --> 00:16:37,929
(grunting)
(chuckling)
387
00:16:37,931 --> 00:16:40,431
What kind of afterlife
is this?
388
00:16:40,433 --> 00:16:42,767
Can't even strangle
my dead kid.
389
00:16:42,769 --> 00:16:46,771
So yeah, things aren't perfect
with the missus and me,
390
00:16:46,773 --> 00:16:49,774
and, uh, by the way,
nice melons.
391
00:16:49,776 --> 00:16:52,010
Those are
in the kitchen!
392
00:16:52,012 --> 00:16:55,947
D'oh! I can't believe you
wasted our money on fruit!
393
00:16:55,949 --> 00:16:58,616
(purring)
Homer Simpson!
394
00:16:58,618 --> 00:17:01,152
Can you be
more specific?
(growling)
395
00:17:01,154 --> 00:17:02,286
(both chuckling)
396
00:17:02,288 --> 00:17:03,788
(giggles)
397
00:17:03,790 --> 00:17:05,189
Mmm!
398
00:17:05,991 --> 00:17:06,958
(grumbles)
399
00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:08,459
There's no reason
to be jealous.
400
00:17:08,461 --> 00:17:09,961
It's just
younger you.
401
00:17:09,963 --> 00:17:13,464
Oh! So, he likes
ghosts better, eh?
402
00:17:13,466 --> 00:17:14,966
Fine.
403
00:17:14,968 --> 00:17:16,167
Hmm.
404
00:17:16,169 --> 00:17:18,636
Might as well clean this
while I'm killing myself.
405
00:17:18,638 --> 00:17:20,004
(quiet grunting)
406
00:17:20,006 --> 00:17:21,139
(grunting)
407
00:17:21,141 --> 00:17:22,173
(thud)
408
00:17:22,175 --> 00:17:23,508
(humming a tune)
409
00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:24,642
Hmm?
410
00:17:24,644 --> 00:17:27,211
(chuckles):
Well, hello-ho-ho.
411
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:28,846
Aah! A ghost!
412
00:17:28,848 --> 00:17:30,314
I feel like a ghost,
413
00:17:30,316 --> 00:17:32,517
the way you haven't been
paying attention to me.
414
00:17:32,519 --> 00:17:33,684
Plus, I'm dead.
415
00:17:33,686 --> 00:17:35,353
Don't yell at me--
I'm a double widower.
416
00:17:35,355 --> 00:17:38,556
But I can handle
all the ghosts
you can float at me.
417
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:40,825
Won't the other Homer
be a problem?
418
00:17:40,827 --> 00:17:43,027
Heh! I think he gets it.
419
00:17:43,029 --> 00:17:45,163
See? He...
You stupid...
420
00:17:45,165 --> 00:17:46,664
What the...? Ooh!
421
00:17:46,666 --> 00:17:49,000
Mmm, I smell toast.
422
00:17:49,002 --> 00:17:50,368
(groans)
423
00:17:50,370 --> 00:17:51,669
(whoosh)
424
00:17:51,671 --> 00:17:52,837
Well, I guess
425
00:17:52,839 --> 00:17:54,839
you and I are
in charge now, Bart.
426
00:17:54,841 --> 00:17:57,542
But if we split the chores,
I'm sure that we c...
427
00:17:57,544 --> 00:17:58,743
What are you doing?!
428
00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:00,178
Sayonara, sucker!
429
00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:02,513
Oh, no, you're not
leaving me to clean this up!
430
00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:03,681
(yells)
431
00:18:03,683 --> 00:18:04,682
(grunts)
432
00:18:04,684 --> 00:18:06,184
(whoosh)
433
00:18:06,186 --> 00:18:09,520
Whoo-hoo! I'm the
last of the Simpsons!
434
00:18:09,522 --> 00:18:11,556
In I.Q. only!
435
00:18:11,558 --> 00:18:13,257
Huh?
436
00:18:13,892 --> 00:18:16,260
(grunts, coughs, groans)
437
00:18:17,062 --> 00:18:19,130
GROUNDSKEEPER WILLIE:
Thank you!
438
00:18:20,032 --> 00:18:22,366
Willie's got stew
for the winter.
439
00:18:22,368 --> 00:18:25,136
Wait a minute--
who killed Maggie?
440
00:18:27,873 --> 00:18:31,209
This is all your fault, Homer,
for wanting somebody new.
441
00:18:31,211 --> 00:18:33,711
I just wanted
the woman I married.
442
00:18:33,713 --> 00:18:36,380
I never realized you had
so much work done.
443
00:18:36,382 --> 00:18:39,717
Simpsons, please!
This fighting
solves nothing!
444
00:18:39,719 --> 00:18:41,719
Dr. Marvin Monroe?!
445
00:18:41,721 --> 00:18:43,221
Are you alive or dead?
446
00:18:43,223 --> 00:18:45,223
(groans) I'm in some
horrible limbo.
447
00:18:45,225 --> 00:18:47,725
I can walk halfway through
walls, then I get stuck.
448
00:18:47,727 --> 00:18:49,293
(creaking)
Uh-oh.
449
00:18:49,295 --> 00:18:52,130
Now I'm gonna have to look
at that every morning.
450
00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:54,732
Well, I think you're
helping us make progress.
451
00:18:54,734 --> 00:18:55,633
Thank you.
452
00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:57,301
Let's not fight anymore.
453
00:18:57,303 --> 00:18:59,904
Let's just make him
decide between us.
454
00:18:59,906 --> 00:19:03,074
Choose me because
I'm not bitter yet,
455
00:19:03,076 --> 00:19:07,311
I can stay up later,
and you're on my
mind all the time.
456
00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:10,948
Hmm, Marge number two,
how would you win my whoopie?
457
00:19:10,950 --> 00:19:13,284
Those are great reasons,
but there's one reason
458
00:19:13,286 --> 00:19:17,288
you should choose me: because
I know everything you've done,
459
00:19:17,290 --> 00:19:20,491
and yet I still want
to be with you.
460
00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:22,760
That is so beautiful.
461
00:19:22,762 --> 00:19:24,095
(both sigh)
462
00:19:24,097 --> 00:19:26,831
You're right, Marge--
I could never leave you,
463
00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:28,099
not even for you.
464
00:19:28,101 --> 00:19:30,668
If there was a dot
or a squiggle different,
465
00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:32,470
that would be too much.
466
00:19:32,472 --> 00:19:34,472
Oh, Homie!
Oh, Homie!
467
00:19:34,474 --> 00:19:36,007
(all moaning)
468
00:19:36,009 --> 00:19:38,409
It's time to cut
the treacle, man.
469
00:19:39,678 --> 00:19:41,679
Why, you little...!
470
00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:42,847
(birds chirping)
471
00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:44,982
Mmm...
(belches)
472
00:19:44,984 --> 00:19:47,385
(loud chewing,
belching continues)
473
00:19:48,787 --> 00:19:50,388
(whoosh)
474
00:19:51,123 --> 00:19:52,823
I just had a worrisome thought.
475
00:19:52,825 --> 00:19:55,193
If there can be two incarnations
of the Simpsons,
476
00:19:55,195 --> 00:19:57,495
why couldn't
some evil marketing entity
477
00:19:57,497 --> 00:19:59,163
produce millions of others?
478
00:19:59,165 --> 00:20:02,466
(new Homer voice):
All right, Simpsons,
welcome to our new home.
479
00:20:02,468 --> 00:20:06,537
Yo, yo, Santa's Little Helper
is in da house!
480
00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:08,539
(howls)
481
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:13,044
(fierce grunt)
482
00:20:14,146 --> 00:20:16,380
♪
483
00:20:19,651 --> 00:20:21,252
Mmm!
484
00:20:22,487 --> 00:20:24,021
(squeaky gibberish)
485
00:20:24,023 --> 00:20:26,057
(high-pitched):
D'oh!
486
00:20:30,996 --> 00:20:32,997
Okay, hold still.
487
00:20:32,999 --> 00:20:35,333
This is the last
picture on the roll.
488
00:20:35,335 --> 00:20:37,201
Isn't it about time
you went digital?
489
00:20:37,203 --> 00:20:39,036
Watch your mouth,
you little smart-ass.
490
00:20:39,038 --> 00:20:40,571
ORIGINAL LISA:
Yeah, Bart.
491
00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:42,506
Nothing's gonna ruin this one.
492
00:20:42,508 --> 00:20:43,341
(timer ticking)
493
00:20:43,343 --> 00:20:46,043
Here we go.
Here we go.
494
00:20:46,045 --> 00:20:48,246
Here we go.
495
00:20:48,248 --> 00:20:49,513
(gulping)
496
00:20:49,515 --> 00:20:52,650
(flash pops, camera whirs)
HOMER: D'oh!
497
00:20:59,524 --> 00:21:04,428
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
498
00:21:32,591 --> 00:21:36,360
(screams)
498
00:21:37,305 --> 00:21:43,619
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