1 00:00:02,920 --> 00:00:04,420 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:08,843 --> 00:00:11,385 bart: Mm. Hmm. 3 00:00:11,554 --> 00:00:12,970 So ionic. 4 00:00:13,055 --> 00:00:14,555 (yawns) 5 00:00:14,724 --> 00:00:16,868 if I wanted to be bored on a Saturday, I would have 6 00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:18,954 signed up for that management training program at work. 7 00:00:18,978 --> 00:00:22,646 At least there I know where the good toilets are. 8 00:00:22,773 --> 00:00:24,481 Wait, what training program? 9 00:00:24,608 --> 00:00:26,712 Oh, it's some dumb career development thing 10 00:00:26,736 --> 00:00:28,714 at the plant, so you can become a manager 11 00:00:28,738 --> 00:00:31,071 and have more responsibility. (laughs) 12 00:00:31,157 --> 00:00:32,322 who needs that trap? 13 00:00:32,491 --> 00:00:34,575 But we could really use more money. 14 00:00:34,702 --> 00:00:37,745 You've had the same entry-level job your whole career. 15 00:00:37,830 --> 00:00:39,683 Hey, don't knock entry level, marge. 16 00:00:39,707 --> 00:00:42,458 At least I don't have to wear long-sleeve shirts, 17 00:00:42,626 --> 00:00:45,377 go to webinars and supervise a bunch 18 00:00:45,463 --> 00:00:47,379 of entry-level losers, 19 00:00:47,506 --> 00:00:49,590 with their short-sleeve shirts. 20 00:00:49,675 --> 00:00:52,551 Homer, I can't be the only one in this family 21 00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:54,803 who wants more for us. 22 00:00:54,930 --> 00:00:56,430 (gasps) I want more. 23 00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:58,682 I just don't want to do anything to earn it. 24 00:00:58,809 --> 00:01:00,350 For once in your life, 25 00:01:00,519 --> 00:01:02,895 would it kill you to show a little ambition? 26 00:01:03,022 --> 00:01:04,622 - (huffs) - (huffs) 27 00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:08,567 ah, ambition is indeed a timeless source of conflict. 28 00:01:08,694 --> 00:01:10,652 (gasps) a lost senior. 29 00:01:10,738 --> 00:01:13,113 (enunciating): Where is your family? 30 00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:15,449 As a matter of fact, I just curated 31 00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:17,456 an exhibit about a roman family 32 00:01:17,620 --> 00:01:20,162 torn asunder by the hunger for more. 33 00:01:20,289 --> 00:01:23,332 The life of obeseus the wide. 34 00:01:23,459 --> 00:01:26,251 Ooh, maybe an historical allegory 35 00:01:26,337 --> 00:01:28,337 could help us work out our issues. 36 00:01:28,464 --> 00:01:30,025 Once again, bickering in public 37 00:01:30,049 --> 00:01:32,674 gets us free therapy from strangers. 38 00:01:32,802 --> 00:01:34,468 Bickering most tragic. 39 00:01:34,553 --> 00:01:38,722 For ambition was the force that built the roman empire 40 00:01:38,808 --> 00:01:41,058 and that which tore it apart. 41 00:01:41,227 --> 00:01:43,685 Obeseus was born to a poor farmer 42 00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:46,313 with much land, but no ox to plow it. 43 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:49,066 So he improvised. 44 00:01:49,193 --> 00:01:51,235 Life on the farm was cruel. 45 00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:53,654 But it chiseled young obeseus into quite 46 00:01:53,781 --> 00:01:55,906 the italian beefcake. 47 00:01:55,991 --> 00:01:57,407 Good news, plow son. 48 00:01:57,535 --> 00:02:00,452 We finally got enough money to buy us an ox. 49 00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:02,788 Woo-hoo! How'd you do that, father? 50 00:02:02,957 --> 00:02:04,456 I sold you into slavery. 51 00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:07,000 - Arrivederci, sucker. - (grunts) 52 00:02:10,506 --> 00:02:12,025 curator: A frightened obeseus 53 00:02:12,049 --> 00:02:13,632 and his new work friends 54 00:02:13,717 --> 00:02:15,425 were taken to rome. 55 00:02:15,511 --> 00:02:18,720 The boys had never seen anything like it... the crowds, 56 00:02:18,848 --> 00:02:20,347 the noise, the grand scale 57 00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:23,225 of the pornographic graffiti. 58 00:02:23,394 --> 00:02:26,186 But the worst was yet to come. 59 00:02:26,355 --> 00:02:28,564 Gentlemen, today you have the honor 60 00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:31,358 of being hacked to death on the field of battle. 61 00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:33,986 Us? But we're not gladiators. 62 00:02:34,113 --> 00:02:35,487 Not with that attitude. 63 00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:37,948 Remember, there are no small wounds, 64 00:02:38,075 --> 00:02:41,076 only small victims. 65 00:02:41,203 --> 00:02:43,078 (whimpering) 66 00:02:43,205 --> 00:02:45,455 (crowd cheering) 67 00:02:47,293 --> 00:02:48,750 hailing from germania, 68 00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:51,837 he's the saxon who's always axe-in'... 69 00:02:51,964 --> 00:02:54,506 Wolfus rein! 70 00:02:54,633 --> 00:02:56,758 (cheering) 71 00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:57,968 and in the shaking tunic, 72 00:02:58,053 --> 00:03:00,637 hailing from who knows, nobody cares... 73 00:03:00,723 --> 00:03:02,556 That guy. 74 00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:05,350 (booing) 75 00:03:05,477 --> 00:03:07,811 - (whimpering) - (growling) 76 00:03:07,938 --> 00:03:09,813 someone's in here. 77 00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:11,440 (grunts) 78 00:03:13,569 --> 00:03:15,152 aah! 79 00:03:16,488 --> 00:03:18,448 Curator: Obeseus didn't know much, 80 00:03:18,490 --> 00:03:20,574 but he knew how to be an ox. 81 00:03:21,660 --> 00:03:23,368 (obeseus bellows) 82 00:03:24,455 --> 00:03:26,135 - (grunting) - (groaning) 83 00:03:27,333 --> 00:03:29,166 juno, mother of apollo. 84 00:03:30,461 --> 00:03:32,711 All right, pal, should we call it a tie? 85 00:03:32,838 --> 00:03:34,713 A-aah! 86 00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:36,381 (cheering) 87 00:03:36,508 --> 00:03:38,508 all hail our new champion, 88 00:03:38,636 --> 00:03:40,385 mr. Plow himself, 89 00:03:40,512 --> 00:03:42,679 obeseus! 90 00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:44,932 - Yeah! - (cheering) 91 00:03:45,059 --> 00:03:46,558 oh... 92 00:03:46,685 --> 00:03:48,565 That chiseled bumpkin just killed 93 00:03:48,687 --> 00:03:50,687 my prized psychopath. 94 00:03:50,814 --> 00:03:52,481 Feed him to the hippos. 95 00:03:52,608 --> 00:03:55,192 No, father, look how the crowd loves him. 96 00:03:55,319 --> 00:03:58,654 That hunky rube could put a lot of togas in the seats. 97 00:03:58,822 --> 00:04:02,032 Majora, you have quite the mind 98 00:04:02,117 --> 00:04:04,076 for the family business. 99 00:04:04,203 --> 00:04:07,663 The man-ox will live to fight another day. 100 00:04:07,790 --> 00:04:09,539 (lowing) 101 00:04:09,667 --> 00:04:10,667 mm. 102 00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:13,438 Curator: Obeseus' fame grew 103 00:04:13,462 --> 00:04:15,837 as he rose through the gladiatorial ranks. 104 00:04:15,965 --> 00:04:17,506 Women wanted him 105 00:04:17,633 --> 00:04:20,384 and men wanted to be killed by him. 106 00:04:20,552 --> 00:04:22,386 (cheering) 107 00:04:22,471 --> 00:04:25,097 but still he yearned for that 108 00:04:25,224 --> 00:04:27,099 which he longed for. 109 00:04:28,227 --> 00:04:30,560 Majora: Eye... Heart... U! 110 00:04:30,688 --> 00:04:32,688 Oh... 111 00:04:35,651 --> 00:04:38,777 (sighs) you guys think we'll ever be free again? 112 00:04:38,862 --> 00:04:40,924 (scoffs) the only way we're leaving this place 113 00:04:40,948 --> 00:04:43,031 is carried out in chunks. 114 00:04:43,117 --> 00:04:44,616 Uh, don't mind me, fellas. 115 00:04:44,743 --> 00:04:46,863 Another clog in the chunk chute. (chuckles) 116 00:04:46,912 --> 00:04:50,080 they got to start cutting you guys into smaller pieces. 117 00:04:50,207 --> 00:04:52,749 Let us make a sacred pact before the gods. 118 00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:54,459 If one of us ever gets free, 119 00:04:54,586 --> 00:04:57,421 he'll do everything he can to free the rest of us. 120 00:04:57,548 --> 00:04:59,080 To freedom. 121 00:04:59,174 --> 00:05:00,443 All: To freedom! 122 00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:02,968 Yeah, to freedom. (chuckles) 123 00:05:03,137 --> 00:05:05,887 eh, you chunks are no fun. 124 00:05:07,349 --> 00:05:10,225 Well, if it isn't the champion of rome himself. 125 00:05:10,352 --> 00:05:12,853 (gasps) lady majora. 126 00:05:12,938 --> 00:05:14,479 What are you doing here? 127 00:05:14,606 --> 00:05:18,025 I have to keep an eye on my father's investments. 128 00:05:18,193 --> 00:05:20,319 Plus, I like the way your pecs dance 129 00:05:20,446 --> 00:05:22,029 after you kill a guy. 130 00:05:22,156 --> 00:05:24,239 (giggles) these old things? 131 00:05:24,325 --> 00:05:27,534 Blip, blip, bla-bla, blip, blip, bla-bla, blip. 132 00:05:27,703 --> 00:05:29,703 (growls, laughs) 133 00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:33,707 mm-hmm. 134 00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:36,585 (sing-songy): Swish and slash and spin and kick 135 00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:39,629 and slice that belly and hello, guts. 136 00:05:39,757 --> 00:05:41,943 It would appear that one of you lowly gladiators 137 00:05:41,967 --> 00:05:45,218 has impregnated my daughter. 138 00:05:45,304 --> 00:05:46,636 Tell me who laid with her, 139 00:05:46,764 --> 00:05:50,057 and the rest of you will be spared the lash. 140 00:05:50,184 --> 00:05:51,767 Mm... 141 00:05:51,894 --> 00:05:54,353 I had sexicus. 142 00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:58,023 - I had sexicus. - I had sexicus. 143 00:05:58,192 --> 00:06:00,108 I had sexicus. 144 00:06:00,235 --> 00:06:02,402 - I had sexicus. - I had sexicus. 145 00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:03,945 I had sexicus. 146 00:06:04,073 --> 00:06:05,322 You jerks! 147 00:06:05,449 --> 00:06:06,948 You knew I liked her. 148 00:06:07,076 --> 00:06:09,201 We were covering for you, jackass. 149 00:06:09,286 --> 00:06:10,535 Oh, right. 150 00:06:10,662 --> 00:06:12,307 Sir, I'm in love with your daughter. 151 00:06:12,331 --> 00:06:14,790 If you must punish someone, punish me. 152 00:06:14,958 --> 00:06:18,418 Place his head on the beheading block. 153 00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:19,545 (gasps) 154 00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:24,299 which is also the unlocking block. 155 00:06:24,426 --> 00:06:27,052 Rise, for you are now free... 156 00:06:27,137 --> 00:06:28,220 Woo-hoo! 157 00:06:28,389 --> 00:06:30,931 - ...To marry my daughter. - D'oh! 158 00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:33,350 (chuckling): I-I mean, great. 159 00:06:33,477 --> 00:06:36,853 What could be more liberating than marriage? 160 00:06:37,022 --> 00:06:39,626 Curator: The young lovers were wed for all the gods to see. 161 00:06:39,650 --> 00:06:42,609 And plans were made for their future. 162 00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:44,861 So that you may build a life together, 163 00:06:44,988 --> 00:06:48,323 I give you the deed to one of my many businesses. 164 00:06:48,450 --> 00:06:50,409 Oh, thank you, daddy. 165 00:06:50,494 --> 00:06:52,786 I have so many great ideas. 166 00:06:52,955 --> 00:06:55,956 Oh, my little vestal non-virgin, 167 00:06:56,125 --> 00:06:58,667 leave the business talk to the men. 168 00:06:58,794 --> 00:07:00,919 (sighs) 169 00:07:01,046 --> 00:07:04,089 now, obeseus, to get things started, 170 00:07:04,216 --> 00:07:07,968 please, take some slaves on the house. 171 00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:11,096 Aw, slaves? You shouldn't ha... 172 00:07:11,223 --> 00:07:13,223 (gasps) I can't own my friends. 173 00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:16,059 I swore a sacred oath to free them. 174 00:07:16,186 --> 00:07:18,228 Curator: Majora then understood: 175 00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:20,897 For a woman to have any voice in this world, 176 00:07:21,024 --> 00:07:24,109 it would have to come out of her husband's stupid mouth. 177 00:07:24,236 --> 00:07:27,237 My love, you are so noble 178 00:07:27,322 --> 00:07:29,990 to take on the backbreaking work of four men, 179 00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:31,199 day in, day out, 180 00:07:31,285 --> 00:07:33,076 no matter how poor and hungry 181 00:07:33,203 --> 00:07:35,495 - it shall leave you. - (weak chuckle) 182 00:07:35,581 --> 00:07:38,999 look, fellas, no one honors oaths more than me. 183 00:07:39,084 --> 00:07:40,542 No one. 184 00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:42,856 Just give me a little time till we get on our feet, 185 00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:44,379 then I'll totally free you. 186 00:07:44,506 --> 00:07:46,506 Management thanks you for your patience. 187 00:07:46,592 --> 00:07:49,634 Curator: And, so, in choosing greed over loyalty, 188 00:07:49,761 --> 00:07:52,345 the young couple began their rise to power... 189 00:07:52,473 --> 00:07:55,557 And their fall from grace. 190 00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:59,019 Well, now I feel stupid getting them a wedding gift. 191 00:08:00,522 --> 00:08:01,522 (whines) 192 00:08:07,654 --> 00:08:09,174 curator: Obeseus entered the second act of his life 193 00:08:09,198 --> 00:08:10,592 running the dirty, bloody business 194 00:08:10,616 --> 00:08:12,218 given to him by his father-in-law... 195 00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:14,117 A laundromat. 196 00:08:14,203 --> 00:08:16,244 (yawns) 197 00:08:16,330 --> 00:08:18,975 curator: Fun fact: In ancient rome, clothes were washed 198 00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:22,751 with ammonia, which is derived from human urine. 199 00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:23,920 What's up, dad? 200 00:08:23,962 --> 00:08:25,212 How's the whiz biz? 201 00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:28,632 - Mellow and yellow. - (laughs) 202 00:08:28,759 --> 00:08:30,258 why is the store closed? 203 00:08:30,344 --> 00:08:31,551 It's only noon. 204 00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:33,887 Me and the fellas are all peed out. 205 00:08:34,056 --> 00:08:37,182 How am I supposed to make things clean without human waste? 206 00:08:37,309 --> 00:08:39,162 This business has been failing for years 207 00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:41,436 because you've been phoning it in. 208 00:08:41,563 --> 00:08:43,104 Figure it out. 209 00:08:43,232 --> 00:08:45,941 Hey, uh, "boss"? (groans) 210 00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,234 we came up with an idea that 211 00:08:47,361 --> 00:08:49,486 could increase ammonia production. 212 00:08:49,571 --> 00:08:52,072 All you got to do is put these jugs outside of taverns, 213 00:08:52,199 --> 00:08:54,199 and you'll get your urinus gratis. 214 00:08:54,326 --> 00:08:57,494 Crowdsourcing a streaming service, eh? 215 00:08:57,621 --> 00:08:59,704 - I'm a genius! - (all huff) 216 00:08:59,831 --> 00:09:01,957 ♪ ♪ 217 00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:05,126 curator: Stealing the idea of his indentured friends, 218 00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:07,170 obeseus was soon flush 219 00:09:07,256 --> 00:09:08,733 - in liquid assets. - (sloshing) 220 00:09:08,757 --> 00:09:10,443 and he was able to move his family 221 00:09:10,467 --> 00:09:13,468 to the more prosperous side of town. 222 00:09:13,554 --> 00:09:15,637 ("movin' on up" playing in latin) 223 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:23,074 Who are the real-world Illuminati ? Find out @ saveanilluminati.com 224 00:09:41,039 --> 00:09:43,415 lennus, I'm fatigued. 225 00:09:43,542 --> 00:09:44,949 Yawn for me? 226 00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:47,752 (yawns loudly) 227 00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:50,672 obeseus, we gave you the idea that made you rich. 228 00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:52,924 How about making good on your promise, 229 00:09:53,051 --> 00:09:54,718 and freeing us now? 230 00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:56,803 Guys, guys, guys, thank you so much 231 00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:58,305 for bringing this up. 232 00:09:58,390 --> 00:10:00,557 I'm really lucky to own friends like you. 233 00:10:00,726 --> 00:10:02,767 Tell you what, I'll have my accountant 234 00:10:02,853 --> 00:10:04,872 crunch the letters, and we'll circle back. 235 00:10:04,896 --> 00:10:06,104 The important thing is 236 00:10:06,189 --> 00:10:08,523 we started a conversation. 237 00:10:08,692 --> 00:10:09,816 (all grumble) 238 00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:11,443 ♪ ♪ 239 00:10:12,738 --> 00:10:15,363 and now let us thank lord jupiter 240 00:10:15,449 --> 00:10:18,908 for a bountiful harvest by draining the blood 241 00:10:19,036 --> 00:10:22,078 of this baby goat. 242 00:10:22,164 --> 00:10:23,224 - (bleats) - (grunts) 243 00:10:23,248 --> 00:10:25,081 aw, these seats suck. 244 00:10:25,208 --> 00:10:27,292 Can't even see the entrails from here. 245 00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:30,503 Well, they save all the best seats for the senators. 246 00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:31,963 (homer whines) 247 00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:33,923 hmm. 248 00:10:34,092 --> 00:10:36,718 What if you became a senator? 249 00:10:36,887 --> 00:10:39,220 Think about how much more respected we'd be. 250 00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:42,098 I don't know. It sounds like a lot of work. 251 00:10:42,225 --> 00:10:43,933 Sitting there all day, 252 00:10:44,019 --> 00:10:46,519 listening, voting on stuff with my thumb. 253 00:10:46,688 --> 00:10:47,979 But think of the perks. 254 00:10:48,106 --> 00:10:50,690 You'll get invited to fancier orgies. 255 00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:53,610 - The kinds with women. - They have those? 256 00:10:53,737 --> 00:10:57,489 Curator: And with that, obeseus marched down the appian way 257 00:10:57,616 --> 00:10:59,616 to plead his case to the emperor, 258 00:10:59,701 --> 00:11:02,952 confident that he would be welcomed into the senate. 259 00:11:03,121 --> 00:11:06,581 (laughs) the pee guy, a senator? 260 00:11:06,708 --> 00:11:09,028 That would be an insult to the dignity of this office. 261 00:11:09,086 --> 00:11:12,087 Now if you'll excuse me, senator horse and I 262 00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:14,422 are going shopping for lewd pottery. 263 00:11:15,425 --> 00:11:17,550 Oh... 264 00:11:18,303 --> 00:11:19,803 Stupid emperor. 265 00:11:19,888 --> 00:11:23,264 Thinks he's great 'cause his bangs are so curly. 266 00:11:24,226 --> 00:11:26,351 Oh, majora's gonna be so mad. 267 00:11:26,478 --> 00:11:29,312 I'd do anything to be a senator. 268 00:11:29,398 --> 00:11:30,855 Anything, eh? 269 00:11:30,982 --> 00:11:33,650 You know, as the emperor's politically adopted son, 270 00:11:33,777 --> 00:11:37,195 I am next in line to the throne should anything happen to... 271 00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:39,030 (chuckles) daddy. 272 00:11:39,157 --> 00:11:41,825 Like, say, him slipping and falling back-first 273 00:11:41,910 --> 00:11:43,118 onto a knife. 274 00:11:43,245 --> 00:11:45,704 Oh, that happened to me once. Sucked. 275 00:11:45,789 --> 00:11:48,331 (groans) kill the emperor and I'll make you a senator. 276 00:11:48,458 --> 00:11:51,167 (gasps) kill the emperor to become senator? 277 00:11:51,294 --> 00:11:53,378 But what's in it for me? 278 00:11:53,463 --> 00:11:55,223 Curator: Jacta alea est. 279 00:11:55,257 --> 00:11:57,424 The die was cast. 280 00:11:57,509 --> 00:12:00,468 ♪ when in rome you do as the romans do ♪ 281 00:12:00,595 --> 00:12:03,930 ♪ you play as the romans play together. ♪ 282 00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:05,932 Hey, get out of here, you. 283 00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:07,684 This is my private vomitorium 284 00:12:07,853 --> 00:12:10,979 and I've got a belly full of hot figs. (heaves) 285 00:12:11,106 --> 00:12:13,940 - (groans) - come on, you figs. (heaves) 286 00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,317 (grunting) 287 00:12:17,821 --> 00:12:21,114 et... Tu... Pee guy? 288 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:24,617 - (grunts) - (whimpers) 289 00:12:24,786 --> 00:12:26,619 (laughs) history rules! 290 00:12:26,788 --> 00:12:27,788 (grunts) 291 00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:29,330 poor majora. 292 00:12:29,458 --> 00:12:31,833 She wanted her husband to be more ambitious, 293 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:33,626 but not like this. 294 00:12:33,712 --> 00:12:35,795 Well, actually... 295 00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:37,316 Mm-hmm. (exclaims) 296 00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:40,925 give me a kiss, you big, stabby go-getter. 297 00:12:41,052 --> 00:12:42,321 - Ooh. - (moaning) 298 00:12:42,345 --> 00:12:43,803 (majora chuckles) 299 00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:45,555 I love my job. 300 00:12:51,313 --> 00:12:52,707 Curator: Over the next ten years, 301 00:12:52,731 --> 00:12:53,791 senator obeseus' power grew vastly, 302 00:12:53,815 --> 00:12:55,273 as did his toga size. 303 00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:57,692 And majora reveled in the high status, 304 00:12:57,819 --> 00:12:59,152 hosting the town's elite 305 00:12:59,321 --> 00:13:01,821 at her lavish saturnalia party. 306 00:13:01,990 --> 00:13:05,700 (laughs) I love your holiday decorations. 307 00:13:05,786 --> 00:13:08,181 It lets those pesky christians know they aren't going to win 308 00:13:08,205 --> 00:13:10,038 the war on saturnalia. 309 00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:11,623 So, noble slaves, 310 00:13:11,750 --> 00:13:15,084 what gift do you desire from your benevolent master? 311 00:13:15,212 --> 00:13:17,712 Uh... Our friggin' freedom. 312 00:13:17,798 --> 00:13:20,298 Yeah, well, the thing about that is... 313 00:13:20,425 --> 00:13:22,385 Why do we even bother asking anymore? 314 00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:23,927 He's never gonna free us. 315 00:13:24,054 --> 00:13:26,554 This has been building up for a while: 316 00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:28,367 You give slave owners a bad name. 317 00:13:28,391 --> 00:13:30,016 (gasps) what? 318 00:13:30,101 --> 00:13:32,811 - (sighs) what a giant jerk. - Ugh, he's the worst. 319 00:13:32,938 --> 00:13:35,688 Dad, bartigula's out of control. 320 00:13:35,857 --> 00:13:38,358 Look what he's doing to ptolemaic book guy. 321 00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:40,985 - Ow. - Why are you flaying yourself? 322 00:13:41,112 --> 00:13:43,154 - Ow! - Why are you flaying yourself? 323 00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:45,031 An interesting paradox. 324 00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:48,368 For does free will truly exist or... Ow! 325 00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:50,203 Growing up rich and spoiled 326 00:13:50,288 --> 00:13:52,914 has turned your son into a monster. 327 00:13:53,041 --> 00:13:54,082 It's not my fault. 328 00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:55,792 I never spend any time with him. 329 00:13:55,919 --> 00:13:56,919 (grumbles) 330 00:13:57,087 --> 00:13:58,461 aw. 331 00:13:58,547 --> 00:14:00,797 My son's a maniac. My daughter's not a son. 332 00:14:00,924 --> 00:14:03,091 My slaves hate me for some reason. 333 00:14:03,260 --> 00:14:05,343 (sighs) heavy lies the head 334 00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:08,721 that wears the wig of curly bangs. 335 00:14:08,849 --> 00:14:09,849 Mm. 336 00:14:09,975 --> 00:14:11,641 I'm spent. 337 00:14:11,726 --> 00:14:15,603 Just gonna take a bath in warm donkey milk and go to sleep. 338 00:14:15,689 --> 00:14:18,523 I can't believe the emperor didn't even come to my party. 339 00:14:18,608 --> 00:14:21,317 He wouldn't even be emperor if not for you. 340 00:14:21,444 --> 00:14:23,005 Yeah, well, what do you want me to do about it... 341 00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:24,779 Kill the emperor? 342 00:14:24,906 --> 00:14:27,490 Well, if that's what you want. 343 00:14:27,617 --> 00:14:29,909 You can even use the present I got you. 344 00:14:30,036 --> 00:14:31,911 Sweet jumpin' jupiter! 345 00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:33,204 What more do you want? 346 00:14:33,331 --> 00:14:34,622 We started at the bottom 347 00:14:34,749 --> 00:14:37,208 and now we're one rung from the top. 348 00:14:37,335 --> 00:14:39,752 It's a natural stopping point. 349 00:14:39,921 --> 00:14:41,921 Will you never be satisfied? 350 00:14:42,090 --> 00:14:44,215 Pardon me, senator. 351 00:14:44,342 --> 00:14:47,719 I'm sorry you find my ambition so distasteful. 352 00:14:47,804 --> 00:14:48,970 Just remember: 353 00:14:49,097 --> 00:14:52,557 Power comes to those who take it. 354 00:14:54,811 --> 00:14:56,394 Mmm. (chuckles) 355 00:14:56,521 --> 00:14:58,855 aw, yeah. Yeah. 356 00:14:58,982 --> 00:15:00,899 Milk, milk, milk. 357 00:15:01,026 --> 00:15:03,234 - ♪ ♪ - (cheering) 358 00:15:03,904 --> 00:15:05,403 to the roman empire. 359 00:15:05,488 --> 00:15:08,823 May it last forever, in some strange form or another. 360 00:15:08,992 --> 00:15:10,658 Ooh. 361 00:15:10,785 --> 00:15:12,493 Can't be too careful these days. 362 00:15:12,621 --> 00:15:14,120 Oh, taster. 363 00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:18,433 - (grunting) - poison. 364 00:15:18,460 --> 00:15:20,335 Some has tried to kill me. 365 00:15:20,462 --> 00:15:22,062 (gasps) you didn't? 366 00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:23,796 You wouldn't. 367 00:15:23,924 --> 00:15:26,799 When I find whoever did this, I will crush them like a... 368 00:15:26,927 --> 00:15:28,551 (grunts) 369 00:15:29,888 --> 00:15:31,304 (sniffs) 370 00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:36,100 - (all gasp) - the emperor is dead! 371 00:15:36,186 --> 00:15:38,686 Who will nominate his successor? 372 00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:41,814 Friends, romans, countrymen. 373 00:15:41,942 --> 00:15:43,441 That's me. 374 00:15:43,568 --> 00:15:45,109 We deserve an emperor who can 375 00:15:45,236 --> 00:15:47,654 boldly lead us into the future. 376 00:15:47,822 --> 00:15:49,822 My son, bartigula. 377 00:15:49,950 --> 00:15:51,532 Wha?! 378 00:15:52,994 --> 00:15:54,160 He was born rich, 379 00:15:54,245 --> 00:15:56,788 so he got to be good at business. 380 00:15:56,873 --> 00:15:58,665 (chanting): Bartigula! 381 00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:02,377 Bartigula! Bartigula! 382 00:16:02,504 --> 00:16:05,254 Bartigula! 383 00:16:05,340 --> 00:16:08,591 Curator: And so began the reign of bartigula the jerk. 384 00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:11,469 Eager to expand the empire, he declared war 385 00:16:11,596 --> 00:16:14,472 on neptune, god of the sea. 386 00:16:14,599 --> 00:16:16,683 Despite some early victories, 387 00:16:16,810 --> 00:16:19,644 thousands drowned. 388 00:16:19,771 --> 00:16:22,689 Bartigula blamed the troubles of rome 389 00:16:22,857 --> 00:16:25,316 on foreign invaders. 390 00:16:25,443 --> 00:16:29,112 So he built a large and expensive wall to keep them out. 391 00:16:29,239 --> 00:16:30,655 Awk, who needs ya? 392 00:16:30,824 --> 00:16:32,490 Ya carthage-sacking 393 00:16:32,659 --> 00:16:34,909 aqueduct guzzlers. 394 00:16:34,995 --> 00:16:37,223 Curator: And finally, to silence his critics, 395 00:16:37,247 --> 00:16:40,665 bartigula dissolved the senate. 396 00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:43,251 Aah! 397 00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:46,216 Curator: The young emperor had gone mad with power. 398 00:16:46,256 --> 00:16:47,922 And syphilis. 399 00:16:48,049 --> 00:16:49,507 Listen up, rome-wads. 400 00:16:49,634 --> 00:16:50,842 The empire's in crisis, 401 00:16:50,927 --> 00:16:52,613 the economy's in the crapatorium, 402 00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:54,721 and neptune's kicking our butts, somehow. 403 00:16:54,848 --> 00:16:56,723 I now realize... 404 00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:59,934 I can no longer be your emperor. 405 00:17:00,061 --> 00:17:01,061 Oh. Phew. 406 00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:03,813 Because I am now your god! 407 00:17:03,940 --> 00:17:05,189 (crowd clamoring) 408 00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:07,358 that's it. I'm taking a stand. 409 00:17:07,485 --> 00:17:08,651 (grunting) 410 00:17:08,820 --> 00:17:11,154 my son isn't a god. 411 00:17:11,239 --> 00:17:13,239 He's just an entitled little psycho. 412 00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:15,700 Society must come to its senses 413 00:17:15,827 --> 00:17:17,952 and overthrow this madman! 414 00:17:18,079 --> 00:17:20,288 - Uh... Uh... - Hmm. I don't know. 415 00:17:20,457 --> 00:17:22,582 Blasphemy! Seize him! 416 00:17:23,752 --> 00:17:26,044 For your heresy, father, I sentence you 417 00:17:26,171 --> 00:17:28,337 to be eaten by the lions. 418 00:17:28,423 --> 00:17:29,589 (gasps) 419 00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:32,508 hmm. We're gonna need more lions. 420 00:17:32,635 --> 00:17:34,302 Why are we here? 421 00:17:34,429 --> 00:17:36,589 They said I could bring a couple of belongings. 422 00:17:36,639 --> 00:17:39,974 Hey, this is where we made our freedom pact, remember? 423 00:17:40,060 --> 00:17:43,102 The one you refused to honor for 20 years. 424 00:17:43,188 --> 00:17:45,188 (sighs) not freeing you guys 425 00:17:45,356 --> 00:17:47,815 was the first worst thing I ever did, 426 00:17:47,901 --> 00:17:51,069 but I hereby decree you to be emancipated. 427 00:17:51,196 --> 00:17:53,571 Now face the dawn as free men. 428 00:17:53,698 --> 00:17:56,991 - We're in a jail cell, you dope. - (whines) 429 00:17:58,870 --> 00:18:01,370 father, we have to get you out of the city. 430 00:18:01,498 --> 00:18:03,247 Hurry, and you can still escape. 431 00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:04,957 No, I'm not going to run. 432 00:18:05,126 --> 00:18:06,751 Because you physically can't? 433 00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:08,711 Yes, mostly, but also 434 00:18:08,797 --> 00:18:12,173 because we have to stop bartigula and save the republic. 435 00:18:12,258 --> 00:18:14,675 Are you fellas with me? 436 00:18:14,803 --> 00:18:16,636 Uh... No. 437 00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:19,263 (groans) 438 00:18:19,390 --> 00:18:21,432 oh. 439 00:18:21,559 --> 00:18:23,496 Curator: Though he had lost everything, 440 00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:27,563 obeseus still had the heart of a warrior. 441 00:18:31,194 --> 00:18:32,610 (laughing) 442 00:18:32,695 --> 00:18:34,775 looks like hannibal's missing an elephant. 443 00:18:34,823 --> 00:18:36,175 - (laughter) - oh, yeah. 444 00:18:36,199 --> 00:18:39,659 All hail the living god. 445 00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:41,536 We who are about to die 446 00:18:41,663 --> 00:18:43,788 salute you. 447 00:18:43,957 --> 00:18:45,597 - Oh! - (crowd laughing) 448 00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:47,083 (groans) 449 00:18:47,210 --> 00:18:50,211 you dare show me your moon flaps? 450 00:18:50,338 --> 00:18:53,923 I will teach this old fool who is the true gluteus maximus. 451 00:18:54,092 --> 00:18:56,425 Bartigula, no! 452 00:18:56,553 --> 00:18:58,719 Curator: There, in front of all rome, 453 00:18:58,847 --> 00:19:02,557 father and son engaged in bloody battle. 454 00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:05,268 (whimpers) 455 00:19:05,353 --> 00:19:07,081 curator: Bartigula was fast, 456 00:19:07,105 --> 00:19:09,564 but obeseus was fatter. 457 00:19:09,691 --> 00:19:11,649 (grunts) 458 00:19:11,776 --> 00:19:14,485 (growling) 459 00:19:14,612 --> 00:19:18,114 crowd (chanting): Kill the god! Kill the god! 460 00:19:18,241 --> 00:19:21,576 Obe, please spare our boy. 461 00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:23,077 What? 462 00:19:23,204 --> 00:19:26,622 (chuckles) sic semper this, you fat load. 463 00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:29,584 Why, you littleus... 464 00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:31,669 (both grunting) 465 00:19:34,424 --> 00:19:36,382 no! 466 00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:38,801 (panting) my life is over. 467 00:19:38,887 --> 00:19:42,680 I failed rome, was a less-than-perfect father. 468 00:19:42,807 --> 00:19:44,223 Worst of all, 469 00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:47,185 I really screwed over my friends. 470 00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:49,353 May the... Gods... 471 00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:51,272 Forgive me. 472 00:19:51,399 --> 00:19:53,649 (grunts) 473 00:19:53,818 --> 00:19:55,776 I poisoned everything I loved 474 00:19:55,904 --> 00:19:57,778 with my boundless ambition. 475 00:19:57,906 --> 00:20:00,656 My family is no more. 476 00:20:01,784 --> 00:20:03,034 (sighs) 477 00:20:03,161 --> 00:20:05,036 mom, what about me? 478 00:20:05,163 --> 00:20:08,080 We never really... Clicked. 479 00:20:08,208 --> 00:20:11,292 Curator: With that, the match was lit 480 00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:13,753 that would burn rome to the ground... 481 00:20:13,922 --> 00:20:15,755 400 years later. 482 00:20:15,924 --> 00:20:18,049 Haw-haw! 483 00:20:19,135 --> 00:20:21,928 Who knew history could be so sad? 484 00:20:22,055 --> 00:20:24,222 The moral of that story is clear: 485 00:20:24,390 --> 00:20:26,891 Marge is wrong and ambition is terrible. 486 00:20:27,018 --> 00:20:30,353 No, no, no. The lesson is that the unchecked lust 487 00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:31,854 for money and power can bring 488 00:20:31,981 --> 00:20:34,440 a once-great nation to ruin. 489 00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:37,193 Does anyone think it was weird that dad killed me? 490 00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:39,445 Don't blame me. Blame your mother. 491 00:20:39,530 --> 00:20:42,198 I just wanted you to go to one lousy training seminar. 492 00:20:42,325 --> 00:20:44,553 Did you not even listen to the old guy's story about... 493 00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:46,619 - (overlapping chatter) - (curator groans) 494 00:20:46,788 --> 00:20:49,121 when will humanity ever learn... 495 00:20:49,249 --> 00:20:53,084 To stop letting stupid people into museums? 496 00:21:00,677 --> 00:21:02,529 -(overlapping chatter) -they're missing the whole point. 497 00:21:02,553 --> 00:21:03,864 If rome had kept worshipping us, everything would have been fine. 498 00:21:03,888 --> 00:21:05,554 Get over it, dad. 499 00:21:05,723 --> 00:21:08,849 You always get so worked up whenever you watch the mortals. 500 00:21:08,977 --> 00:21:10,226 Can we change the channel? 501 00:21:10,353 --> 00:21:11,852 This show sucks now. 502 00:21:11,980 --> 00:21:15,564 Yeah, it's totally gone off the rails since season 2016. 503 00:21:15,650 --> 00:21:17,650 I know, but I want to see how it ends. 504 00:21:17,735 --> 00:21:19,986 Definitely feels like they're wrapping it up. 505 00:21:20,113 --> 00:21:22,405 Any day now. 506 00:21:28,204 --> 00:21:30,015 Captioned by media access group at wgbh 507 00:21:30,039 --> 00:21:32,748 ♪ when in rome you do like the romans do ♪ 508 00:21:32,875 --> 00:21:36,460 ♪ you play like the romans play together ♪ 509 00:21:36,546 --> 00:21:38,921 ♪ you're all invited, so right this way ♪ 510 00:21:39,048 --> 00:21:42,717 ♪ you're gonna meet the roman holidays. ♪ 511 00:21:42,741 --> 00:21:45,741 Subtitles >>>>oakislandtk<<<<< www.opensubtitles.org 511 00:21:46,305 --> 00:22:46,860 Who are the real-world Illuminati ? Find out @ saveanilluminati.com