1 00:00:06,031 --> 00:00:09,341 (Homer humming a tune) 2 00:00:09,493 --> 00:00:12,753 ♪ 2:00 a.m. ham, 2:00 a.m. ham ♪ 3 00:00:12,905 --> 00:00:16,682 ♪ Everything rhymes with "2:00 a.m. ham." ♪ 4 00:00:16,833 --> 00:00:17,833 Mmm. Mm? 5 00:00:17,876 --> 00:00:19,667 So many lies. 6 00:00:19,729 --> 00:00:21,723 What else was he hiding from the world? 7 00:00:21,747 --> 00:00:23,524 How could the deception go so deep? 8 00:00:23,548 --> 00:00:25,882 Can we ever trust anyone? (gasps) 9 00:00:27,086 --> 00:00:28,580 - (door slams) - My daughter's roaming 10 00:00:28,604 --> 00:00:31,104 the house in the middle of the night looking terrified. 11 00:00:31,198 --> 00:00:32,756 I should probably go talk to... 12 00:00:32,858 --> 00:00:34,608 ♪ 2:00 a.m. ham. ♪ 13 00:00:34,702 --> 00:00:36,443 (birds chirping) 14 00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:38,537 (snoring) 15 00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:43,208 (Marge humming a tune) 16 00:00:43,401 --> 00:00:45,452 You look like you didn't sleep a wink. 17 00:00:45,604 --> 00:00:48,363 Looks can be deceiving. Nothing is as it seems. 18 00:00:48,424 --> 00:00:50,215 The world is a dark place. 19 00:00:50,408 --> 00:00:51,775 (groans worriedly) 20 00:00:51,835 --> 00:00:54,178 (muffled murmur) 21 00:00:56,414 --> 00:00:58,782 Oh, Lisa seems really frazzled. 22 00:00:58,842 --> 00:01:00,801 Did the climate change again? 23 00:01:00,895 --> 00:01:02,135 I don't know. Probably. 24 00:01:02,229 --> 00:01:04,137 (wind whistles) 25 00:01:04,231 --> 00:01:05,898 MARGE: Oh. 26 00:01:06,049 --> 00:01:07,232 (owl hoots) 27 00:01:08,260 --> 00:01:11,052 She's been like that for hours. 28 00:01:11,113 --> 00:01:12,813 What is she doing under there? 29 00:01:12,907 --> 00:01:17,301 Hmm. Something so troubling she doesn't want us to find out. 30 00:01:17,361 --> 00:01:20,037 As her friends, we should respect that. 31 00:01:21,365 --> 00:01:24,566 (gasps) The confession was coerced. 32 00:01:24,627 --> 00:01:26,507 Honey, what are you listening to? 33 00:01:26,570 --> 00:01:29,404 Uh, you know, just some gentle ASMR noises 34 00:01:29,465 --> 00:01:31,590 to soothe me to sleep. (chuckles) 35 00:01:31,759 --> 00:01:34,284 You know, like... (exhales softly) 36 00:01:34,378 --> 00:01:36,058 - And... - (taps softly) 37 00:01:36,121 --> 00:01:37,783 - And... - (paper crinkles) 38 00:01:37,807 --> 00:01:39,747 Oh, that stuff doesn't work... 39 00:01:39,809 --> 00:01:41,916 (snoring) 40 00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:45,086 - Good night. - (ominous music playing) 41 00:01:45,189 --> 00:01:47,659 Music in a minor key? 42 00:01:47,683 --> 00:01:50,642 You've been listening to true crime podcasts? 43 00:01:50,836 --> 00:01:54,780 Hoda Kotb said on The Today Show those are really disturbing. 44 00:01:54,973 --> 00:01:56,709 - Hoda. - Mom, I can handle it. 45 00:01:56,733 --> 00:01:59,118 There's no swear words, just killing. 46 00:01:59,269 --> 00:02:01,269 How many of these have you listened to? 47 00:02:01,330 --> 00:02:03,842 I don't know. Just two or three a day. 48 00:02:03,866 --> 00:02:05,811 And then maybe a couple more to take the edge off. 49 00:02:05,835 --> 00:02:09,186 And then one in the morning just to get normal. 50 00:02:09,246 --> 00:02:11,775 Wha... I'm not addicted, I swear. 51 00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:14,983 I just need to know who killed everybody! 52 00:02:15,052 --> 00:02:16,321 - (crying) - Oh. 53 00:02:16,345 --> 00:02:18,862 I just need to know. I just... 54 00:02:18,922 --> 00:02:20,472 (moans) 55 00:02:20,665 --> 00:02:24,034 - Aw, she's all murdered out. - (snoring) 56 00:02:24,094 --> 00:02:25,627 These titles. 57 00:02:25,688 --> 00:02:28,722 It's like they're trying to intrigue people. 58 00:02:28,858 --> 00:02:31,541 (grunts, scoffs) Oh. 59 00:02:31,643 --> 00:02:35,136 I better listen to one and make sure Lisa's not too traumatized. 60 00:02:35,197 --> 00:02:36,822 Whatever. I'm hitting the hay. 61 00:02:36,991 --> 00:02:37,991 (paper crinkles) 62 00:02:38,033 --> 00:02:40,033 (snoring) 63 00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:45,122 (birds chirping) 64 00:02:45,991 --> 00:02:48,167 (yawns) 65 00:02:50,454 --> 00:02:52,374 - (shouts) - Okay, I'm on episode eight 66 00:02:52,398 --> 00:02:53,821 of Killing Her Softly. 67 00:02:53,883 --> 00:02:55,768 We need to talk about Angela's landlord. 68 00:02:55,792 --> 00:02:59,085 Why did he allow her to pay for a year up front? 69 00:02:59,180 --> 00:03:01,405 What did Sergei know? 70 00:03:01,465 --> 00:03:04,165 (chuckles) We have much to discuss. 71 00:03:04,226 --> 00:03:05,926 Okay, pause. 72 00:03:06,020 --> 00:03:07,940 It's like the police intentionally 73 00:03:08,022 --> 00:03:10,096 screwed up the investigation. 74 00:03:10,191 --> 00:03:12,410 Right? Drops of blood you can explain, 75 00:03:12,434 --> 00:03:15,510 - but drops of brain? - I know. 76 00:03:15,571 --> 00:03:17,362 Okay, play. 77 00:03:17,514 --> 00:03:20,590 Okay, pause. They totally ignored the text messages 78 00:03:20,651 --> 00:03:24,185 - from the coroner's mistress. - Okay, play. Play. 79 00:03:24,246 --> 00:03:26,371 - Mm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. - Oh. Oh. 80 00:03:26,564 --> 00:03:29,041 - Mm-mm. Oh, yeah. - Hmm. Hmm. 81 00:03:30,360 --> 00:03:34,713 How could a woman with four PhDs be so dumb? 82 00:03:34,864 --> 00:03:36,384 BOTH: So dumb. 83 00:03:36,574 --> 00:03:39,125 I've never seen two people agree with each other so much. 84 00:03:39,220 --> 00:03:40,961 I disagree. Come on, you two. 85 00:03:41,055 --> 00:03:42,741 We're supposed to visit Grampa today. 86 00:03:42,765 --> 00:03:45,131 - Homie, we can't go. - Our favorite podcast 87 00:03:45,226 --> 00:03:48,227 is recording a live episode, and we have tickets. 88 00:03:48,420 --> 00:03:51,063 If we gasp loud enough, we might hear ourselves. 89 00:03:51,256 --> 00:03:53,065 - (gasps loudly) - (laughs) 90 00:03:53,258 --> 00:03:55,567 Save it for the show, Mom. 91 00:03:56,820 --> 00:03:58,289 Now, remember, Bart, 92 00:03:58,313 --> 00:04:00,964 Grampa's life is very lonely and boring. 93 00:04:01,024 --> 00:04:04,301 So make sure to look at your watch every few seconds 94 00:04:04,361 --> 00:04:06,056 so he knows you want to leave. 95 00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:07,729 Here, take some of these. 96 00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:12,960 Why is my dad's weird old tie hanging on his doorknob? 97 00:04:14,088 --> 00:04:16,171 - (Homer gasps) - (both moaning) 98 00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:20,650 - Oh! Oh! Ooh, ooh! - Ugh! (groaning) 99 00:04:20,711 --> 00:04:21,909 (stammers) 100 00:04:21,971 --> 00:04:23,987 You idiots! Don't you know the code? 101 00:04:24,047 --> 00:04:26,910 If the bolo's a-hanging, the dentures be clanging. 102 00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:30,084 This is my new girlfriend, Vivienne Saint Charmaine. 103 00:04:30,145 --> 00:04:34,681 Abe-y, you didn't tell me your brothers were coming to visit. 104 00:04:34,833 --> 00:04:37,834 - (laughs): Oh, well. Oh, my. - Aw, shucks. 105 00:04:37,894 --> 00:04:41,262 Say, you look familiar. Did you used to be younger? 106 00:04:41,323 --> 00:04:44,168 Vivienne was a big-time TV star. 107 00:04:44,192 --> 00:04:47,786 She was on all the hit shows, and I was a huge fan. 108 00:04:47,937 --> 00:04:49,697 HOMER: A little magazine. 109 00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:52,624 But you probably know me best as the scheming yet conniving 110 00:04:52,817 --> 00:04:57,187 Olympic diver Darcy Covington on Falcon Landing. 111 00:04:57,247 --> 00:04:59,150 Ma'am, if you're a big shot has-been, 112 00:04:59,174 --> 00:05:01,541 why are you dating a small-town never-was? 113 00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:04,027 All my life, I dated unwrinkled men 114 00:05:04,087 --> 00:05:05,787 who told short, concise stories. 115 00:05:05,848 --> 00:05:08,882 But Abe here showed me what I've been missing. 116 00:05:09,034 --> 00:05:11,513 -He's so sweet he should come with an insulin pump. -(chuckles) 117 00:05:11,537 --> 00:05:14,888 Well, thanks for stopping by, but we've got two bingo games, 118 00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:17,649 a couple's colonoscopy... 119 00:05:19,878 --> 00:05:23,488 ...and then we're off to a romantic dinner cruise. 120 00:05:25,016 --> 00:05:26,974 - Dude. - Bro. 121 00:05:27,036 --> 00:05:29,886 - Seriously. - I know. 122 00:05:29,946 --> 00:05:32,664 (melancholy music playing) 123 00:05:34,710 --> 00:05:39,062 From This American Crime and KBBL Springfield, 124 00:05:39,122 --> 00:05:41,340 it's Interminable, 125 00:05:41,533 --> 00:05:46,419 one grisly story told week after week after week 126 00:05:46,513 --> 00:05:48,088 after week. 127 00:05:48,182 --> 00:05:50,907 Hello. I'm Tabitha Shingle. 128 00:05:50,967 --> 00:05:52,300 (cheering) 129 00:05:52,353 --> 00:05:54,853 She's even more dry in person. 130 00:05:55,046 --> 00:05:56,666 Some people look at a neck and think, 131 00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:58,598 "What a great place for a scarf," 132 00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:01,838 and others think, "I'd like to choke that." 133 00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:05,530 For Jackson Reeb of Lansing, Michigan, it was the latter. 134 00:06:05,723 --> 00:06:07,657 (cheering) 135 00:06:11,246 --> 00:06:12,537 (tires screech) 136 00:06:14,399 --> 00:06:16,600 Hey, hey, hey. Easy on the hurricane hold. 137 00:06:16,660 --> 00:06:19,619 We're just doing a story on the podcast craze. 138 00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:21,265 Podcast? (scoffs) 139 00:06:21,289 --> 00:06:23,068 Flash-in-the-pan wannabe journalism. 140 00:06:23,092 --> 00:06:25,158 Mark my words, Jerry, nobody cares. 141 00:06:25,219 --> 00:06:27,460 Now to open this door. 142 00:06:27,554 --> 00:06:30,367 (crowd cheering) 143 00:06:30,391 --> 00:06:34,371 Our podcast has gotten over 20 million downloads 144 00:06:34,395 --> 00:06:37,782 and is being adapted into a streaming series 145 00:06:37,806 --> 00:06:42,884 starring Alexander Skarsgard on Amazon Prime. 146 00:06:42,945 --> 00:06:44,569 (cheering) 147 00:06:44,762 --> 00:06:46,290 (groans) 148 00:06:46,314 --> 00:06:48,890 Ugh. Stupid podcasts. 149 00:06:48,951 --> 00:06:50,634 Thank God I have my family. 150 00:06:50,694 --> 00:06:53,120 Now to open this door. 151 00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:58,825 (Kent scoffs, groans) 152 00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:00,419 (groans): Oh. 153 00:07:01,422 --> 00:07:02,754 (sighs) 154 00:07:02,906 --> 00:07:06,633 This is Kent Brockman, yesterday's news. 155 00:07:08,470 --> 00:07:11,096 And in the end, the donkey turned out to be a horse. 156 00:07:11,247 --> 00:07:12,909 (sighs) You're only watching this 157 00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:15,434 because somebody left the TV on in a doctor's waiting room. 158 00:07:15,585 --> 00:07:17,785 W-Wait, w-wait a second. We have breaking news! 159 00:07:17,962 --> 00:07:19,899 There's been a murder on the high seas. 160 00:07:19,923 --> 00:07:21,422 A local woman is presumed dead 161 00:07:21,483 --> 00:07:23,563 after going overboard on a cruise ship. 162 00:07:23,635 --> 00:07:26,093 A woman disappears from a cruise. 163 00:07:26,155 --> 00:07:27,762 I wonder who did it. 164 00:07:27,823 --> 00:07:29,673 Could it be... 165 00:07:29,733 --> 00:07:32,617 BOTH: The husband or boyfriend? Mm-hmm. 166 00:07:32,810 --> 00:07:34,995 That's the lady Grampa was kissing. 167 00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:39,026 Grampa's the husband or boyfriend? 168 00:07:39,050 --> 00:07:41,367 Authorities say the missing woman is retired starlet 169 00:07:41,462 --> 00:07:43,347 Vivienne Saint Charmaine. 170 00:07:43,371 --> 00:07:45,538 Her boyfriend or husband, Abraham Simpson, 171 00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:47,610 has been detained for questioning. 172 00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:48,967 Grampa? A killer? 173 00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:50,730 He doesn't have that kind of follow-through. 174 00:07:50,754 --> 00:07:54,288 Did Abe Simpson do it? No one can say for sure. 175 00:07:54,349 --> 00:07:58,477 But this story has the makings of a hit crime podcast. 176 00:07:58,670 --> 00:08:04,057 Join me as I take a fair and unbiased look on Guilty Grampa. 177 00:08:04,193 --> 00:08:05,208 (all gasp) 178 00:08:05,268 --> 00:08:06,818 This has been Kent Brockman, 179 00:08:07,011 --> 00:08:09,154 bailing on TV news forever. 180 00:08:09,323 --> 00:08:11,548 This is horrible. What are we gonna do? 181 00:08:11,650 --> 00:08:14,701 - I've already subscribed. - (gasps) 182 00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:22,334 A romantic sunset cruise, the perfect setting 183 00:08:22,485 --> 00:08:24,505 for new love between a fading Hollywood actress 184 00:08:24,529 --> 00:08:26,649 and a fully faded old man. 185 00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:30,750 But only one of them would return to port alive. 186 00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:32,994 - (theme music playing) - I'm Kent Brockman, 187 00:08:33,055 --> 00:08:35,180 and this is Guilty Grampa. 188 00:08:35,373 --> 00:08:37,182 Guilty Grampa is sponsored 189 00:08:37,375 --> 00:08:39,926 by Shampoo Shuttle, seasonal-flavored shampoos 190 00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:42,262 drone-delivered direct to your shower. 191 00:08:42,414 --> 00:08:44,334 Showbiz princess Vivienne Saint Charmaine 192 00:08:44,358 --> 00:08:46,410 had finally met her prince, 193 00:08:46,434 --> 00:08:48,585 local census resistor Abe Simpson. 194 00:08:48,645 --> 00:08:50,920 Together they boarded a romantic seniors cruise 195 00:08:51,022 --> 00:08:52,605 across Springfield Harbor. 196 00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:54,440 It was 2:33 p.m., 197 00:08:54,593 --> 00:08:56,179 and the passengers were finishing dinner. 198 00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:58,223 Suddenly, there were the sounds of a commotion, 199 00:08:58,247 --> 00:09:01,039 a scream and then a splash. 200 00:09:01,232 --> 00:09:02,707 Vivienne was gone, 201 00:09:02,859 --> 00:09:05,377 but did the truth go overboard with her? 202 00:09:05,570 --> 00:09:07,565 I have with me a woman who was on that fatal cruise, 203 00:09:07,589 --> 00:09:09,773 disgraced docent Agnes Skinner. 204 00:09:09,833 --> 00:09:11,769 Uh, tell me about that night. 205 00:09:11,793 --> 00:09:15,870 I was at the buffet when I heard a woman scream, "Abe, don't!" 206 00:09:15,931 --> 00:09:17,781 Then a splash. 207 00:09:17,841 --> 00:09:19,369 What did you do next? 208 00:09:19,393 --> 00:09:20,945 I saw they were refilling the shrimp tower, 209 00:09:20,969 --> 00:09:23,129 so I had to get over there and touch them all. 210 00:09:23,254 --> 00:09:24,563 "Abe, don't." 211 00:09:24,756 --> 00:09:27,952 Whatever could Vivienne have meant by that? 212 00:09:27,976 --> 00:09:30,096 Naturally, the police questioned Abe Simpson. 213 00:09:30,261 --> 00:09:33,646 His only defense? "I don't remember." 214 00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:37,300 The old man would not confess. Rude. 215 00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:38,802 So we swabbed his hands 216 00:09:38,862 --> 00:09:41,487 to see if they tested positive for pushing. 217 00:09:41,582 --> 00:09:44,899 It came back as "no such test." 218 00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:47,586 The only thing we could do was let him go. 219 00:09:47,737 --> 00:09:49,515 (Guilty Grampa theme music playing) 220 00:09:49,539 --> 00:09:51,756 KENT: So maybe the old saying is tru. 221 00:09:51,908 --> 00:09:54,834 To catch a murderer, you have to set them free 222 00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:56,502 to murder again. 223 00:09:56,597 --> 00:09:58,838 This has been Guilty Grampa. 224 00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:00,840 Ah, that podcast sucks butts. 225 00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,750 Grampa's not some monster. 226 00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:05,186 (Grampa wailing) 227 00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:07,013 (thunder crashes) 228 00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:08,107 (all scream) 229 00:10:08,257 --> 00:10:10,516 Am I inside? 230 00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:14,170 Vivienne and I went on the cruise, had dinner, 231 00:10:14,230 --> 00:10:17,173 drinks, dancing, drinks. 232 00:10:17,233 --> 00:10:19,359 The rest is kind of a blur. 233 00:10:19,453 --> 00:10:21,693 And the next thing I know, the cops are telling me 234 00:10:21,738 --> 00:10:25,009 - I'm a person of interest. - That's ridiculous. 235 00:10:25,033 --> 00:10:28,868 You've never been a person of interest... not for one second. 236 00:10:29,020 --> 00:10:30,140 I don't remember nothing. 237 00:10:30,172 --> 00:10:31,871 But I would never hurt Vivienne. 238 00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:36,687 She was my last chance at love, and now she's gone forever. 239 00:10:36,711 --> 00:10:38,053 (crying) 240 00:10:39,089 --> 00:10:40,864 Whoop. Got to take a zizz. 241 00:10:41,725 --> 00:10:43,235 Okay, quick, he's in the bathroom, 242 00:10:43,259 --> 00:10:45,218 so we only have an hour to talk. 243 00:10:45,370 --> 00:10:46,552 Now, on the count of three, 244 00:10:46,705 --> 00:10:48,980 say if you think he's guilty or not. 245 00:10:49,132 --> 00:10:50,890 One, two, three. 246 00:10:51,042 --> 00:10:52,795 -Not guilty! -If I'm being honest, I think he's capable 247 00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:55,211 of anything, up to and including murder. 248 00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:58,907 You're talking about your own father. 249 00:10:59,660 --> 00:11:01,284 (Homer grunting) 250 00:11:02,663 --> 00:11:04,053 Grampa's a good man, 251 00:11:04,114 --> 00:11:06,890 and everyone in this town knows that. 252 00:11:06,950 --> 00:11:07,982 (all shout) 253 00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:10,096 - (Marge gasps) - (crowd murmuring) 254 00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:11,986 You're protecting a killer! 255 00:11:12,089 --> 00:11:14,339 (wails) Murderer! 256 00:11:14,490 --> 00:11:15,968 - (shouts) - (cat yowls, glass shatters) 257 00:11:15,992 --> 00:11:18,418 Grampa boat-pushed my favorite sexy TV lady. 258 00:11:18,570 --> 00:11:21,346 I had a poster where she was on top of a Trans Am 259 00:11:21,539 --> 00:11:23,515 and it said, "Finely-tuned machine." 260 00:11:23,708 --> 00:11:26,333 It referred to both her and the car! 261 00:11:26,395 --> 00:11:28,094 (shouts) 262 00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:31,505 Crime podcasts should be about exposing truth, 263 00:11:31,566 --> 00:11:34,918 - not irresponsible speculation. - (all gasp) 264 00:11:35,019 --> 00:11:37,362 If only Kent knew Grampa like we do, 265 00:11:37,555 --> 00:11:41,515 he would call that show Not Guilty Grampa, 266 00:11:41,576 --> 00:11:44,536 which I bet would get even more listeners. 267 00:11:44,729 --> 00:11:46,095 (Homer gasps) 268 00:11:46,156 --> 00:11:48,039 Hey! We got an ender. 269 00:11:48,232 --> 00:11:49,356 Ender! 270 00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:51,259 - MOE: Ender! - (crowd cheering) 271 00:11:56,407 --> 00:11:59,050 Homer, tell me about the Abe Simpson you knew and loved. 272 00:11:59,243 --> 00:12:00,701 I mean, I knew him. 273 00:12:00,762 --> 00:12:02,721 Was he abusive? 274 00:12:02,872 --> 00:12:04,222 (chuckles) Oh, sure. 275 00:12:04,415 --> 00:12:06,057 I mean, he was a quiet loner, 276 00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:08,893 but he could be abusive when he wanted to be. 277 00:12:09,045 --> 00:12:10,470 Really? 278 00:12:10,564 --> 00:12:13,047 And your mother... How did she deal with all this? 279 00:12:13,108 --> 00:12:15,119 You know, I'm not really sure. 280 00:12:15,143 --> 00:12:17,143 She disappeared when I was quite young. 281 00:12:17,261 --> 00:12:20,221 Another woman in his life vanished. 282 00:12:20,323 --> 00:12:22,468 Stick some foghorns under that and put it up stat. 283 00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:24,817 Uh, wait, that may have sounded bad. 284 00:12:24,970 --> 00:12:26,964 You're not gonna podcast that, are you? 285 00:12:26,988 --> 00:12:28,766 HOMER (over phone): You're not gonna podcast that, are you? 286 00:12:28,790 --> 00:12:30,560 - Uh-oh. - Uh-oh. 287 00:12:30,584 --> 00:12:31,824 (Marge groans) 288 00:12:31,977 --> 00:12:33,438 Imagine the worst person in the world. 289 00:12:33,462 --> 00:12:36,254 Now imagine his father. That's Abe. 290 00:12:36,447 --> 00:12:38,590 His roommates kept turning up dead. 291 00:12:38,759 --> 00:12:42,668 90-year-old people don't just suddenly stop breathing. 292 00:12:42,763 --> 00:12:43,981 Come on. 293 00:12:44,005 --> 00:12:45,505 He murdered me once. 294 00:12:45,599 --> 00:12:48,652 That's why my family doesn't visit. 295 00:12:48,676 --> 00:12:50,751 My grandfather is not only a great man, 296 00:12:50,854 --> 00:12:52,823 he's a World War Two hero. 297 00:12:52,847 --> 00:12:54,584 They used to call him "Johnny Flamethrower." 298 00:12:54,608 --> 00:12:57,850 He said the fires would tell him who to burn. 299 00:12:57,944 --> 00:12:59,277 (Lisa and Marge groan) 300 00:13:01,264 --> 00:13:04,023 So I say to Ira Glass, "'NPR'? What does that stand for? 301 00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:05,766 'No Possible Revenue'?" 302 00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:08,787 (laughter) 303 00:13:08,938 --> 00:13:10,975 (Lisa's voice): Hey, Kent. I'm Yeardley Smith. 304 00:13:10,999 --> 00:13:13,850 Your voice sounds familiar. Where do I know you from? 305 00:13:13,910 --> 00:13:16,628 From my true crime podcast Small-Town Dicks, 306 00:13:16,779 --> 00:13:17,854 and nowhere else. 307 00:13:17,956 --> 00:13:19,464 Can I give you a word of advice? 308 00:13:19,657 --> 00:13:21,782 I'd be a fool not to say, "Make it quick." 309 00:13:21,843 --> 00:13:24,877 As much as it's fun to report on murder and mayhem, 310 00:13:25,030 --> 00:13:28,714 these podcasts are accusing real people of serious crimes. 311 00:13:28,867 --> 00:13:31,976 Without solid proof, we can ruin lives. 312 00:13:32,169 --> 00:13:34,165 You're right. We do rule the universe. 313 00:13:34,189 --> 00:13:35,388 Can I ask you a question? 314 00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:37,649 - Of course. - Who's doing your merch? 315 00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:40,560 Because I'm only netting two dollars a hat and 50 cents a mug 316 00:13:40,695 --> 00:13:42,970 and I'm getting completely screwed on onesies. 317 00:13:43,031 --> 00:13:44,322 (groans) 318 00:13:44,515 --> 00:13:46,658 - (alarm blaring) - (rumbling) 319 00:13:48,152 --> 00:13:49,402 (phone chimes) 320 00:13:50,488 --> 00:13:52,591 - (ominous music playing) - (background sounds muted) 321 00:13:52,615 --> 00:13:55,261 KENT: Today's podcast has a killer bombshell 322 00:13:55,285 --> 00:13:57,410 about the killer of the bombshell. 323 00:13:57,562 --> 00:14:00,654 Grampa's motive for murder? Money. 324 00:14:00,715 --> 00:14:02,568 You see, Vivienne Saint Charmaine 325 00:14:02,592 --> 00:14:04,843 had a million-dollar life insurance policy. 326 00:14:05,036 --> 00:14:07,737 Ooh, and the beneficiary was her new boyfriend, 327 00:14:07,797 --> 00:14:09,733 Abraham J. Simpson. 328 00:14:09,757 --> 00:14:11,369 - (all gasp) - The moment she drowned, 329 00:14:11,393 --> 00:14:14,093 Guilty Grampa was swimming in cash. 330 00:14:14,245 --> 00:14:16,145 Motive enough for you? 331 00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:19,983 HOMER: He did it for money. 332 00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:23,510 No. No, no, no. 333 00:14:23,572 --> 00:14:26,772 I don't care what it looks like. I know Abe. 334 00:14:26,925 --> 00:14:29,200 He would never do something so horrible. 335 00:14:29,393 --> 00:14:31,518 I did something so horrible. 336 00:14:31,621 --> 00:14:34,688 I finally listened to that dad-gum podcast... 337 00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:36,190 (crying) 338 00:14:36,251 --> 00:14:38,762 ...and it convinced me I'm a killer. 339 00:14:38,786 --> 00:14:40,119 Lock me up. 340 00:14:40,255 --> 00:14:43,030 You're under arrest for spoiling the ending! 341 00:14:43,091 --> 00:14:45,699 I was only on episode two. 342 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:48,369 (chuckles): Oh, and for murder. Yeah. 343 00:14:48,430 --> 00:14:49,554 (groans) 344 00:14:53,727 --> 00:14:55,727 Abraham Simpson, as you have pled guilty 345 00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:57,039 to the murder of Vivienne Saint Charmaine, 346 00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:58,454 I'm giving you life in prison. 347 00:14:58,514 --> 00:15:00,640 And I'm giving your podcast five stars 348 00:15:00,792 --> 00:15:01,882 but no comment. 349 00:15:01,943 --> 00:15:03,743 - Who has the time? - (groans) 350 00:15:03,778 --> 00:15:05,795 ♪ ♪ 351 00:15:05,855 --> 00:15:07,322 (cell door slams) 352 00:15:08,358 --> 00:15:09,960 Why did you confess, Dad? 353 00:15:09,984 --> 00:15:12,096 A majority of the family believes you're innocent. 354 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:15,488 But what that Kent Brockman said about me was so darn convincing. 355 00:15:15,624 --> 00:15:18,895 I began to suspect myself around episode four. 356 00:15:18,919 --> 00:15:20,493 Then by episode six, 357 00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:23,087 it seemed like it was that hot-tempered deckhand. 358 00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:26,573 But by episode nine, I knew I'd done it, 359 00:15:26,635 --> 00:15:31,721 just as sure as Shampoo Shuttle is the future of hair care. 360 00:15:35,852 --> 00:15:37,359 We can't give up hope. 361 00:15:37,387 --> 00:15:39,662 I know Grampa's situation looks bad, 362 00:15:39,722 --> 00:15:43,257 with the insurance money, what Mrs. Skinner heard, but... 363 00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:46,593 And the confession didn't help, either, but-but... 364 00:15:46,655 --> 00:15:47,687 Take it, Mom. 365 00:15:47,822 --> 00:15:49,263 But-but-but... 366 00:15:49,366 --> 00:15:52,358 Oh, my God. I'm not sure I have a "but." 367 00:15:52,494 --> 00:15:55,097 I'm not sure I have a "but," either. 368 00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:57,475 -(Homer and Bart snickering) -I think Grampa might have done it. 369 00:15:57,499 --> 00:16:01,017 He might have. He totally might have. 370 00:16:01,119 --> 00:16:03,461 - (both crying) - Oh, no. 371 00:16:03,654 --> 00:16:05,441 With all our true crime training, 372 00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:07,523 how could we have missed this? 373 00:16:07,625 --> 00:16:09,692 We've become the people that we hate most: 374 00:16:09,752 --> 00:16:14,230 the family members too deluded to see the obvious truth. 375 00:16:14,257 --> 00:16:15,952 Uh, for the record, I was willing to believe 376 00:16:15,976 --> 00:16:18,788 he was the murderer back when there was no evidence. 377 00:16:18,812 --> 00:16:20,772 - Just saying. - (knocking, door opens) 378 00:16:20,872 --> 00:16:22,129 Come back later. 379 00:16:22,223 --> 00:16:24,335 Were in the middle of a terrible reckoning. 380 00:16:24,359 --> 00:16:26,300 I have shocking medical news 381 00:16:26,361 --> 00:16:28,728 that will blow your father's case wide open. 382 00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:31,208 Is there somewhere public we can talk? 383 00:16:31,232 --> 00:16:32,468 HOMER (mumbles): I don't know. 384 00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:34,575 (Guilty Grampa theme music playing) 385 00:16:37,947 --> 00:16:41,315 Welcome, listeners around the world and our proud astronauts 386 00:16:41,376 --> 00:16:43,835 downloading in the darkness of space. 387 00:16:43,986 --> 00:16:48,172 Tonight we both wrap up and drag out the story of Guilty Grampa. 388 00:16:48,365 --> 00:16:50,675 You'll get a chance to hear from the hottest stars 389 00:16:50,868 --> 00:16:52,251 of this heinous crime. 390 00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:54,995 We love you, someone else's tragedy! 391 00:16:55,056 --> 00:16:57,201 And I'm thrilled to announce the Guilty Grampa 392 00:16:57,225 --> 00:17:00,070 streaming series, starring the Skarsgard 393 00:17:00,094 --> 00:17:03,741 - that started it all, Stellan. - (crowd cheering) 394 00:17:03,765 --> 00:17:05,581 I only have a deal memo. 395 00:17:05,641 --> 00:17:07,767 I haven't signed the final paperwork. 396 00:17:07,919 --> 00:17:10,419 Kent, there's something you've got to know. 397 00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:12,679 Something everyone's got to know. 398 00:17:12,741 --> 00:17:14,677 On the day of Vivienne's disappearance, 399 00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:17,426 she and Abe went in for a couple's colonoscopy. 400 00:17:17,487 --> 00:17:20,332 -They each swallowed a tiny IntestoPod, -(beeping) 401 00:17:20,356 --> 00:17:22,114 which records internal data 402 00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:25,359 and broadcasts a precise GPS signal for 24 hours. 403 00:17:25,420 --> 00:17:27,436 - You can see here. - (beeping) 404 00:17:27,497 --> 00:17:31,716 Once Vivienne fell off the boat, she moved directly to shore. 405 00:17:32,910 --> 00:17:35,219 She didn't sink. She swam. 406 00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:37,348 Vivienne's signal then traveled south 407 00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:40,299 to a resort in Zihuatanejo, Mexico, 408 00:17:40,451 --> 00:17:43,544 where the guacamole is made table-side. 409 00:17:43,605 --> 00:17:46,455 Vivienne is alive. She faked her death. 410 00:17:46,557 --> 00:17:49,378 Which means Grampa didn't kill anyone. 411 00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:52,737 But your podcast convinced him that he did. 412 00:17:52,888 --> 00:17:54,313 I wanted to say that part. 413 00:17:54,465 --> 00:17:56,886 Well, that's, uh, that's all very interesting, 414 00:17:56,910 --> 00:18:00,136 but it doesn't really fit with the title of my podcast, 415 00:18:00,196 --> 00:18:01,746 to say nothing of the merch. 416 00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:06,709 (chanting): Guilty Grampa! Guilty Grampa! 417 00:18:08,204 --> 00:18:10,922 You sent me to jail. 418 00:18:11,115 --> 00:18:13,015 You're no journalist. 419 00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:17,837 (baby talking): You made us a murderer. Wah! 420 00:18:17,989 --> 00:18:20,339 (sighs) I have a confession to make. 421 00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:23,326 Guilty Grampa is not guilty. 422 00:18:23,386 --> 00:18:25,328 - (crowd gasps) - (exclaims) 423 00:18:25,388 --> 00:18:26,996 Oh, we all wish he did it. 424 00:18:27,056 --> 00:18:29,290 Everyone here loves DNA swabs, 425 00:18:29,359 --> 00:18:32,259 cell phone pings and spatter analysis, 426 00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:34,612 that fantasy that the bad guys will be caught 427 00:18:34,805 --> 00:18:37,006 and the police will save the day. 428 00:18:37,066 --> 00:18:39,859 Geez. That's a lot to put on a guy. 429 00:18:39,953 --> 00:18:42,954 From now on, I will report with judicious restraint, 430 00:18:43,123 --> 00:18:45,364 leaving behind sensational revelations 431 00:18:45,500 --> 00:18:49,168 in favor of painstakingly accumulated uncertainties. 432 00:18:50,613 --> 00:18:52,653 And I know you will all come along with me 433 00:18:52,823 --> 00:18:54,799 on this slow, measured ride. 434 00:18:56,752 --> 00:18:59,592 TABITHA: And with that out-of-touch statement, 435 00:18:59,663 --> 00:19:02,956 Kent Brockman bid a big fat farewell 436 00:19:03,059 --> 00:19:06,102 to his relevancy. 437 00:19:08,222 --> 00:19:09,555 (Grampa groans) 438 00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:12,650 Come on, Dad, cheer up. You're an innocent man. 439 00:19:12,843 --> 00:19:15,798 Or so you'd have us believe. 440 00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:19,115 I thought Vivienne loved me, but she played me for a sap. 441 00:19:20,184 --> 00:19:22,379 Why'd you set me up, baby? 442 00:19:22,403 --> 00:19:23,997 Well, if it makes you feel any better, 443 00:19:24,021 --> 00:19:27,384 I never believed she liked you for one second. 444 00:19:27,408 --> 00:19:29,058 Well, I did. 445 00:19:29,118 --> 00:19:32,319 I thought she was gonna be the last love of my life. 446 00:19:32,380 --> 00:19:33,987 (groans) 447 00:19:34,090 --> 00:19:37,008 ♪ ♪ 448 00:19:39,086 --> 00:19:40,178 (groans) 449 00:19:43,074 --> 00:19:44,089 Hi, Abe. 450 00:19:44,225 --> 00:19:46,166 What the... (stammers) 451 00:19:46,227 --> 00:19:49,061 Vivienne. Why'd you set me up? 452 00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:51,241 We set you up. 453 00:19:51,265 --> 00:19:52,545 You weren't supposed to confess. 454 00:19:52,716 --> 00:19:54,934 You were supposed to meet me in Mexico 455 00:19:55,028 --> 00:19:56,268 with the insurance money. 456 00:19:56,362 --> 00:19:58,921 - That was the plan. - What plan? 457 00:19:59,023 --> 00:20:00,589 The plan where I faked my death 458 00:20:00,650 --> 00:20:03,201 and waited for you to meet me in Mexico 459 00:20:03,394 --> 00:20:04,851 with the insurance money. 460 00:20:04,913 --> 00:20:08,258 That's why I yelled, "Abe, don't... forget the plan," 461 00:20:08,282 --> 00:20:11,024 - as I was diving off the boat. - What boat? 462 00:20:11,085 --> 00:20:14,286 I love you, you senile old sex machine. 463 00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:16,956 Oh, what do we do now that we're on the run? 464 00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:19,032 We live out the rest of our days 465 00:20:19,093 --> 00:20:21,868 in a place where no one will ever notice us. 466 00:20:21,930 --> 00:20:24,180 - (snoring) - (gentle music playing) 467 00:20:31,514 --> 00:20:34,807 GRAMPA: I'm putting the space heater on ten. 468 00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:36,734 VIVIENNE: Ooh, Abe. 469 00:20:36,885 --> 00:20:38,986 Oh, you naughty boy. 470 00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:46,074 Watch Movies, TV Series & Live Sports www.admitme.app 471 00:20:56,422 --> 00:21:00,716 >>>>oakislandtk<<<<< www.opensubtitles.org 472 00:21:22,639 --> 00:21:24,156 Shh! 472 00:21:25,305 --> 00:22:25,588 Watch Movies, TV Series & Live Sports www.admitme.app