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{1230}{1273}When Paul and I|were little kids...
{1276}{1348}we had our birthdays only|four days apart.
{1376}{1426}Come to think of it,|we still have our birthdays...
{1426}{1453}only four days apart.
{1463}{1492}But I guess birthdays...
{1493}{1548}aren't as big a part of life|as they used to be.
{1645}{1716}Man, we had|some classic parties.
{1761}{1836}Year after year we reached|from manhood together.
{2141}{2168}When we fell short...
{2175}{2211}we fell short together.
{2245}{2313}God, we couldn't|wait to get older.
{2448}{2518}- So what the hell's a|bar mitzvah, anyways?
{2523}{2578}It's a ceremony when|you become a man, stupid.
{2579}{2616}A man? Pfeiffer?
{2626}{2671}That's got to be the funniest|thing I've heard all day.
{2672}{2736}- You're just jealous.|- Yeah, you're just jealous.
{2738}{2789}Jealous? Why?|Because you get to wear...
{2790}{2841}one of those little beanies|on your head?
{2848}{2878}It's called a yarmulke.
{2883}{2950}And for your information,|it happens to be a very big deal!
{2951}{3008}I get to stand up in front of|all my friends and...
{3009}{3058}my whole family|and say prayers and...
{3059}{3091}make this big speech|and stuff.
{3103}{3145}A speech? A speech?
{3145}{3208}Well now I'm jealous,|now I'm jealous.
{3245}{3283}And then we have|this huge party.
{3285}{3322}I've heard of those|Pfeiffer parties.
{3323}{3348}Very hot...
{3349}{3391}Catered, all you can|eat and drink...
{3418}{3476}And hundreds of guests and|all the girls I want to invite.
{3476}{3516}Make sure you keep 'em|on a leash, now.
{3516}{3545}And a band.
{3551}{3610}- A live band?|- And tons of presents.
{3620}{3685}Well, if you figure|a hundred people and...
{3686}{3713}they each bring one...
{3720}{3776}You're really gonna get a|hundred presents?
{3778}{3807}Yeah, of course!
{3808}{3841}And that's not|including the money.
{3843}{3875}Like how much money?
{3876}{3926}It's not said 'em out,|but I say...
{3945}{3978}Maybe a thousand bucks.
{3993}{4080}Did he say...|A thousand bucks?
{4080}{4130}- You gotta be crazy,|I'm not gonna pay that.
{4145}{4176}Well, let me talk to a mechanic.
{4178}{4216}Yeah, yeah, I'll hold.
{4218}{4276}So what are you and Paul gonna do|for your birthday this year?
{4295}{4330}Nothing, I guess.
{4341}{4391}Paul's having his bar mitzvah.
{4392}{4434}It's not that|I was jealous of Paul.
{4448}{4501}It's not that I was|feeling sorry for myself.
{4501}{4526}It's just...
{4530}{4603}Maybe there was a mini-bike|in this for me somewhere.
{4604}{4641}That's right, I forgot.
{4655}{4698}Well, what are we gonna do|about your birthday?
{4713}{4740}I don't know.
{4741}{4785}Well, it has to be|something good.
{4788}{4838}You're turning thirteen,|it's a big one.
{4863}{4888}I guess.
{4930}{4970}Just not the same|without Paul, huh?
{4973}{5021}Either that,|or it's just not the same...
{5022}{5085}without a hundred|presents and a live band.
{5105}{5130}Aw, honey.
{5163}{5195}Ok! Good, good.
{5201}{5245}Ya got her right|where you want her.
{5246}{5290}Now hit her with|the trump card.
{5291}{5370}Well, I'm not sure I even|want to do anything this year.
{5398}{5443}The martyr routine.
{5473}{5545}- I mean, unless some...|- Five hundred dollars?
{5568}{5630}Since when does an alternator|cost five-hundred dollars?
{5645}{5698}What the hell does a|transmission got to do with this?
{5713}{5740}Like I was saying...
{5741}{5783}- unless we could do like a...|- Look...
{5788}{5823}Just don't touch my car,|alright?
{5826}{5905}Leave it just like you found it!|I'll be right down.
{5945}{6008}Better grab your coat, I'll need|a ride down to the garage.
{6068}{6103}Don't worry, honey.
{6110}{6163}We're gonna do something fun|for your birthday.
{6166}{6210}- Right, Jack?|- Yeah.
{6213}{6280}How about we get Kevin a brand|new alternator for his birthday.
{6375}{6415}- Have some more chicken,|Kevin.
{6416}{6454}- I made it especially for you.
{6455}{6528}- That's right, that's why|it's called chicken Kievin.
{6578}{6655}Dinner at the Pfeiffer's.|It was always an experience.
{6656}{6681}- OK, Kevin...
{6706}{6732}What's that say?
{6733}{6782}Alvin Pfeiffer, optometrist.
{6783}{6865}I was the only person he knew|with 20-20 vision.
{6870}{6900}He loved me.
{6903}{6958}- Ketchup.|- Incredible.
{6960}{7017}What a kid, huh?|What a kid.
{7017}{7108}Al, leave him alone, he's eating.|Some more potatoes, Kevin?
{7113}{7187}Ida Pfeiffer,|mom extroardinaire.
{7188}{7238}I think I was the only|person she knew...
{7238}{7288}Who really liked her scalloped|potatoes.
{7295}{7328}She loved me.
{7340}{7391}Debbie, don't slouch, and|get your elbows off...
{7392}{7442}the table, please.|I just put that down fresh.
{7447}{7503}Debbie Pfeiffer,|Paul's little sister...
{7510}{7559}The only girl|I ever knew to whom...
{7560}{7645}I was her concept of|the ideal male form.
{7653}{7690}She really loved me.
{7725}{7757}Great chicken, Mrs. Pfeiffer.
{7758}{7847}Chicken.|That reminds me of a story.
{7888}{7928}And Grandpa Pfeiffer.
{7933}{7997}He had a thousand stories,|and I was the only person...
{7998}{8063}who hadn't heard|them all a thousand times.
{8075}{8112}And so, of course...
{8113}{8180}Kevin.|When I was your age...
{8183}{8212}He loved me.
{8213}{8263}Like my grandson,|to your right,
{8285}{8354}I too, had a bar mitzvah.
{8355}{8422}Cousin Heshy, cousin Moshe,|and myself.
{8423}{8469}And we were very poor...
{8470}{8588}So all these fancy-shmancy gifts|that you kids get today...
{8588}{8622}they weren't around.
{8633}{8745}So do you know, what I got|for my bar mitvah?
{8763}{8805}My entrance into manhood?
{8820}{8867}- A chicken...|- That's right!
{8868}{8893}A chicken!
{8913}{9013}It doesn't sound like much, but|in those days it was like gold.
{9022}{9063}- So I took this chicken...
{9072}{9128}and I put him on some hay|outside the school.
{9140}{9195}And I started on my Baruch.
{9210}{9283}I was very, very nervous,|let me tell ya.
{9283}{9355}Sweat pouring from every|part of my body.
{9369}{9454}I was standing up there,|doing my thing...
{9469}{9521}In walks the chicken.
{9529}{9599}Right in front of the Beema.
{9604}{9714}Sits down starts to cluck!|And "pop".
{9729}{9764}Out pops an egg!
{9774}{9809}You must have been|really mad.
{9810}{9838}Mad?
{9839}{9933}No, no.|I had no right to be mad.
{9934}{10031}It was my bar mitzvah gift,|and as my father always said...
{10032}{10111}Never look a gift chicken|in the mouth!
{10112}{10196}My family is so weird.
{10209}{10279}Oh, this is a great occasion.
{10299}{10404}My family's here,|my grandson's friend is here.
{10409}{10459}- So, Paul, tell me...|- Yeah?
{10481}{10534}- You studied hard?|- Yeah.
{10549}{10589}You know all your prayers?
{10654}{10711}Then I have something for you.
{10749}{10785}I wondered what it would be.
{10786}{10874}Money? Stock options?|His own car?
{10971}{11049}The prayer book that I used|to deliver my Baruch.
{11081}{11136}On that fateful night|of the chicken.
{11189}{11249}My grandfather gave it to me.
{11271}{11359}And tonight|I wish to give it to you.
{11516}{11560}Pop he'll get|stains all over it.
{11561}{11619}Can't this wait until we|cleaned the table at least.
{11620}{11664}No. It cannot.
{11711}{11746}My grandson...
{11834}{11881}You are on the verge of|becoming a man.
{11926}{12011}You are about to inherit|the love, the joy,
{12046}{12109}the bitterness of our people.|Their tradition.
{12226}{12294}From my grandfather,|to my father...
{12299}{12369}to me, to my son...
{12406}{12444}and now to you.
{12601}{12631}Maseltov.
{12651}{12679}Maseltov.
{12711}{12766}- Maseltov.|- Maseltov.
{12769}{12859}- Two-thousand bucks for a|'66 Impala? That's a joke.
{12906}{12986}Maybe it was the glow of|the half-glass of Manishewits...
{12987}{13056}But I felt a sudden|rush of family pride.
{13061}{13129}I mean, my family had a rich|tradition, too.
{13136}{13199}All I had to do was figure|out what it was.
{13209}{13234}Dad?
{13254}{13291}Where's Grampa Arnold from?
{13296}{13366}Look at that.|Highway robbery.
{13396}{13423}What'd ya say?
{13424}{13486}I said, where did|Grampa Arnold come from?
{13489}{13516}Newark.
{13534}{13571}Ya know, one of these days|I'm just gonna get rid of...
{13572}{13636}the damn cars, and|we'll all take the damn bus!
{13649}{13674}Well.
{13679}{13711}Like I was saying...
{13721}{13751}Mom?
{13766}{13791}Yeah?
{13799}{13846}I was just thinking|about something.
{13909}{13934}I don't know.
{13936}{14051}See, I was over at Paul's house|tonight for dinner and see...
{14052}{14118}Grampa Pfeiffer was telling|all these stories...
{14119}{14199}about his bar mitzvah, and|when he lived in Russia...
{14200}{14240}and everything.|And...
{14241}{14319}I started thinking|about our family, and I...
{14336}{14368}Is it some kind of law,
{14369}{14413}that they had to run|the garbage disposal...
{14414}{14484}at critical moments of|psychological development?
{14485}{14524}- Mom?|- Yeah?
{14551}{14621}I- I was just asking you about|where our family came from.
{14651}{14699}I mean what are we?
{14730}{14755}What are we?
{14756}{14828}Yeah, you know|like, Paul's Jewish...
{14828}{14899}and Winnie's Irish,|so what are we?
{14925}{14950}Oh, well Gosh, Kevin...
{14951}{15041}That's kinda hard to...|well, well lemme see.
{15056}{15111}Jack's mother is Italian,|well, actually she's...
{15112}{15166}half Italian cuz her mother's|Romanian, and then...
{15171}{15241}His father's Polish|I'm pretty sure about that.
{15259}{15331}And then my great-grandfather|came over from Scandinavia.
{15332}{15386}Came over a long time ago|and married my...
{15387}{15412}great-grandmother...
{15421}{15456}Whose parents were Welsh.
{15464}{15504}But of course,|she grew up in Ohio...
{15505}{15540}before they|moved to Detroit.
{15541}{15588}And as my mother tried to|put together...
{15589}{15659}the strands of our old and|faded family tree...
{15664}{15721}I came to realize what|so many American's...
{15722}{15756}do in search of their roots.
{15757}{15791}Or was it Norway?
{15806}{15874}I was a mutt.
{15891}{15931}- So the invitations are|going out today!
{15951}{15979}Here, I forgot.
{15996}{16024}I have one for you.
{16025}{16070}- Special delivery!|- Thanks!
{16071}{16109}There's gonna be|so many babes at this thing...
{16110}{16143}you wouldn't believe it!|I'm inviting...
{16144}{16199}Sandy McClouskey, Jodie Hart|and Christine Capone.
{16200}{16231}And I'm gonna make sure|the band plays...
{16232}{16261}plenty of slow songs.
{16324}{16386}Please share our joy,|as our son...
{16387}{16449}Paul Joshua,|is called to the Torah...
{16450}{16491}on Saturday, March eight...
{16565}{16590}Wait a minute.
{16626}{16656}It's on the eighteenth?
{16689}{16746}Well, yeah,|I thought you knew that.
{16784}{16844}Yeah, but that's my birthday.
{16874}{16903}Yeah, I know, but...
{16904}{16976}Y- you didn't tell me it|was on the eighteenth.
{16977}{17013}Yes, I did!|It's supposed to be...
{17014}{17084}on the first Saturday after I|turn thirteen. I told you that.
{17086}{17153}Yeah, but...|I didn't realize...
{17154}{17206}I didn't pick for it to be on|that day or anything.
{17207}{17263}It's just that's when it's|supposed to be.
{17264}{17289}I know
{17290}{17356}I mean I'd changed|if I could, but...
{17357}{17424}you know|it's like really important.
{17425}{17474}It's like...|is a tradition.
{17536}{17569}You're not mad, are you?
{17611}{17679}Well no, I'm not mad,|it's just...
{17684}{17741}I- I'm not gonna be able|to come, is all.
{17779}{17809}You're not?
{17826}{17893}Well, no. I mean,|my parents have this...
{17894}{17961}whole big huge thing|planned for my birthday.
{18011}{18059}Not even for the ceremony?
{18076}{18134}Well, Paul,I can't help it|if you're having...
{18135}{18175}your stupid bar mitzvah|on my birthday!
{18176}{18225}I mean, I'm really sorry|to tell you this...
{18226}{18271}but you're not the center of|the whole stupid world!
{18454}{18559}Happy birthday to me...
{18676}{18704}Wrench!
{18791}{18836}No, not the crescent,|the three-quarter.
{18911}{18936}Here...
{18939}{19009}Kevin, honey?|Paul's on the phone, again.
{19011}{19081}- Tell him I'm busy!|- It's the third time he called.
{19084}{19144}Well, I don't want to talk to him,|I'm helping Dad!
{19201}{19274}I guess the old guy must have|sensed something was wrong.
{19275}{19306}Go ahead, Dad, ask:
{19319}{19364}"I haven't seen Paul around|lately, you two...
{19365}{19394}having a fight, or something?"
{19395}{19420}Screwdriver.
{19426}{19474}Ok, so he didn't sense it.
{19476}{19551}I mean, what did I expect?|The man wasn't a mind-reader.
{19554}{19598}I'd just tell him|what was bothering me.
{19599}{19651}We aren't really talking to|each other these days.
{19679}{19764}Paul and me we aren't really|talking to each other.
{19786}{19831}So, you know, I'm not going to|be going to...
{19832}{19862}his stupid bar mitzvah.
{19869}{19894}Ya don't say...
{19901}{19941}It's on the same day|as my birthday.
{19966}{20042}My thirteenth birthday.|Can you believe it?
{20059}{20100}I mean,|the whole point of...
{20101}{20140}a bar mitzvah|is so dumb, anyways.
{20146}{20193}I mean, he's only|thirteen years old,
{20194}{20246}and everyone's|telling him he's a man.
{20256}{20296}Now that's really stupid.
{20299}{20349}I mean, he's just a little kid,|don't you think?
{20376}{20401}Dad?
{20456}{20501}Oh, yeah, yeah!|That's pretty stupid.
{20611}{20636}Dad?
{20681}{20729}When did you first|learn to work on cars?
{20761}{20796}I don't know. It's just|something I picked up...
{20797}{20827}along the way, I guess.
{20886}{20929}Well, is Grampa good at|working on cars?
{20939}{21019}Oh, sure. I guess I learned|most of it from him.
{21149}{21186}The fanbelt looks sorta loose.
{21264}{21304}Ya know, you're right.
{21314}{21384}It's half rotten. I don't know|why I didn't think to check that.
{21396}{21474}Hey, look, there's a extra|fanbelt in the toolbox.
{21481}{21519}Why don't you help me|try to put it on?
{21536}{21561}Ok!
{21656}{21713}As I worked on the car with|my father...
{21714}{21796}I began to realize what I'd been|looking for all along.
{21797}{21850}I just needed|recognition.
{21851}{21916}Something to tell me that|I was growing up.
{22041}{22119}Hey, Wayne! Get out here|and start the car!
{22120}{22145}I- I can do it!
{22146}{22204}Nah, I don't think so, Kev|you're not tall enough.
{22206}{22238}Here, start it nice and easy.
{22239}{22324}- Yes I am!|- Step aside, little sprout!
{22356}{22401}Don't give it too much gas|till I tell ya.
{22402}{22434}I don't want|to flood the engine.
{22449}{22531}The story of my twelve and|three quarter year old life.
{22539}{22581}As much a man as|the next guy,
{22582}{22624}until the cards|were on the table.
{22631}{22663}Then it's a fine|"how do you do",
{22663}{22694}a "pat him on the head",|and...
{22695}{22746}Dammit, Kevin! Get the hell away|from that engine.
{22747}{22781}That thing'll take your hand off!
{22851}{22891}Not anymore.
{23061}{23186}Happy birthday|Dear Kevin...
{23191}{23334}- Happy birthday to you.|- And you smell like one too.
{23347}{23407}Well, my entrance into|the teen years.
{23408}{23447}The big "one-three".
{23455}{23504}Could it get any sweeter|than this?
{23505}{23560}Darn! Your dad wanted to|have the car back...
{23561}{23595}in time for the party...
{23597}{23647}So we could all|go for a ride after.
{23657}{23729}Yep. Paul gets a band and|a thousand bucks...
{23730}{23810}and I get a ride in an Impala|with a new fuel pump.
{23811}{23863}Well, why don't we just start?|He'll be along.
{23895}{23925}Here. Open mine first.
{24055}{24110}- A poem.|- Here. I'll read it out loud.
{24138}{24180}It's called|"The Pain of Youth".
{24205}{24235}The pain of youth.
{24253}{24303}All its slings and arrows...
{24307}{24365}Stands breathless,|facing time.
{24372}{24445}Edging its way to the rim|of the nest.
{24447}{24518}He is pushed, left to fall.
{24530}{24607}Fall. Fall to the earth.
{24618}{24697}And break, writhing in pain.
{24750}{24800}That's my ride, I gotta go.
{24803}{24850}Happy birthday, Kev.
{24920}{24957}Why don't you open the rest|of your presents?
{24968}{25007}Yeah, presents!
{25010}{25057}Who needed|a rite-of-passage?
{25063}{25107}Who needed|a father's support?
{25108}{25133}I had...
{25155}{25182}A turtleneck.
{25190}{25222}A bathrobe.
{25228}{25255}A wallet.
{25257}{25282}And finally...
{25283}{25308}A thesaurus.
{25318}{25347}Well, I just thought when|you were writing...
{25347}{25395}a term paper or something,|and you wanted to say...
{25396}{25434}something is "good",|for example...
{25435}{25495}Then you just turn to "good"|and you can say...
{25496}{25562}"considerate"|"Unblemished", or "pure".
{25563}{25648}Any synonyms for "extremely|disapointed" in there?
{28413}{28440}- I'll be right back.
{28523}{28548}Hi!
{28560}{28585}Hi.
{28588}{28618}Thanks for coming.
{28630}{28674}Sorry I was so late.
{28675}{28752}That's Ok.|I felt like such a jerk up there.
{28763}{28813}No. You were good.
{28823}{28875}You had a big thing hangin'|from your nose...
{28876}{28920}- But you were good.|- Butthead.
{28923}{28977}- Paul! Come on over here!
{28982}{29027}- Come on.|- What...?
{29533}{29608}And so it turned out to be|a great birthday after all.
{29623}{29683}I slow danced with|Paul's Aunt Selma.
{29690}{29768}I ate more than Mrs. Pfeiffer|could have dreamed possible.
{29786}{29868}And in a funny way,|when I look back on it...
{29883}{29953}I sorta feel like it was|my bar mitzvah, too.
{31178}{31381}Subtitles by Taurus Mind
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