It seems to me, a wedding means something different to everyone.
And for others, a wedding's implications are more profound.
For some...it's a time for comtemplation.
For others, a time for regrets.
A chance to measure just how far we've come in life.
Against the promise of those just starting out.
We are gathered here today, to join Candy, and Peter, in holy matrimony.
- Who gives this bride away? - I do.
The bride was the daughter of Arthur Jensen - my dad's boss.
Fortunately for my father...
Jensen liked him enough to send an invitation to him and his immediate family.
Unfortunately for me, I qualified as immediate family.
I now pronounce you man...And wife.
And with that...Miss Candy Jensen...became Mrs. Peter Rotelli.
And my mother...Completely lost it.
Norma you OK? It's been twenty minutes.
Weddings always do this to me...
Weddings, bar mitzvahs, detergent-and-fabric-softener in one...
It was just so beautiful. They're so perfect together...
I guess you could say we were all pretty impressed.
I just want to get this over with.
Me, too.
What are you talking about? Don't you know weddings are the best places to meet babes?
Yeah, right - like you'd know.
Eh-heh. In order...
Weddings, uh, funerals, uh, airport lounges, uh...
Wayne's field experience aside, that day I was looking to forget about women.
Well one, anyway.
You know very well what you did, Kevin.
What?!
Honest to God...if you asked me today, I couldn't tell you what I'd done.
Winnie, what did I do?
Just gimme a little hint.
Maybe if you just slowed down a little, you wouldn't need a hint!
But, Winnie, I...
And don't tell me you love me! It's not gonna work.
And there you had it - tried, convicted, and hung.
All of which led me to...This.
Uh, auctions, uh, taxi stands, animal shelters...
In matters of women and weddings, I was pretty sure where I stood.
I hate this.
When it came to my family...he was all heart.
Norma. Oh, Norma...Look at you. Ohhhhhhh...
And when it came to my mother... He was all hands.
Norma, Norma, Norma...
When are you gonna leave this guy and run away with me, huh?
- Oh, Arthur... - Jackie-boy, good to see you.
- Where's Beverly? - Well, she's...crying her eyes out in the bathroom.
She's so happy...I spent three month's salary on this wedding - my own wife's not gonna see it.
- You remember Kevin, our youngest. - I do. Kevin.
- Hi. - Wayne. Wayne, Wayne, Wayne.
Wayne, this may not be the best place to tell you, but...
Well, w-we're cuttin' back at NORCOM and...we're gonna have to let you go.
Just kidding! Hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah!
Just kidding, Wayne! Hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah.
Candy? You remember Wayne from work, don't ya?
Actually, I don't believe we've ever met.
Well sure we have. We went out last August, remember?
Uhhhhhh...No.
- Thank you, Arthur! - Thank you...for coming.
And with that, festivities got under way.
Officially.
Not that I was a stranger to these things.
I knew the drill - the fake smiles, the small-talk...
Hi!
The incredible women...
Linda Carr.
Hi. Kevin. Kevin Arnold.
Hi, Kevin-Kevin Arnold.
So...quite a place, huh?
And how about that ceremony?
Hey! Nothin' wrong with being friendly...Right?
This is aunt Muriel.
Aren't you...a peach?!
I was just gonna say I couldn't shake another hand if you paid me.
But for you, I'll make an exception. "Bad, Bad LeRoy Brown" - Jim Croce
Thanks.
Uh-huh. All-in-all, it was clear this night was gonna be...some...fun.
There was mixing, and dancing, and music.
Such as it was.
"Bad, bad, Leroy Brown..."
There was food and flowers and booze everywhere.
People who could barely walk... Got up and danced.
Small children skidded across the floor like hockey pucks.
And friendly folk from all walks of life... Sat down to break bread.
Since we'll be sharing a table together, I think we should introduce ourselves.
Somehow...I couldn't wait.
I'll start. My name is Morgan. I like enjoy old movies, and listening to albums.
I'm also pre-law.
I'm Cynthia. I'm pre-med.
And, how about you?
I'm Wayne. Pass the A-1.
Yeah...nothin' like the patented Arnold ice-breaker.
Does anyone mind...if I take this centerpiece?
They just throw it out at the end, anyway.
So much for dinner. I decided to lay low.
Remain inconspicuous.
Ya know, blend in with the crowd.
Though while I was blending...
- Dance with me one time, please? Just one time. - Maybe later, Arthur, I promise.
Later? Why?
Mom was fending.
- One dance - awright? - Ooop!
For all she was worth.
That's OK, it's alright.
Hi, Kevin-Kevin Arnold.
Oh! Hi! It's just Kevin, you know.
So...having the time of your life?
Yeah, it's great.
Well, I'm just bored crazy.
You know, I think couples should do everyone a favor, and just elope.
Yeah. I know what you mean.
Please don't walk away, and I promise I'll say something interesting.
So how old are you, anyway?
Let's see, here.
Nineteen.
Excellent.
I'm a sophomore at State.
Oh, a State man, huh?
Yep. That's me!
You know what would be a lot of fun...that is if you're a fun guy.
Are you a fun guy, Kevin-Kevin?
Yeah. Sure. I love fun.
Well, um...You got any grass?
Grass?
Here?
Yeah, I stashed a kilo in the hat-check room.
Sorry. Fresh out.
Hmmm...
That's too bad. That would have been fun. Well...
Bye!
It may have been a turning-point.
Sure, I had Winnie...but this was a wedding.
And if wedding's were a time for romance...
A time for possibility...
A time when we might embrace the unexpected...
Linda?
Then this was my time.
Yeah?
I think I can get us some champagne.
Meet me at the gazebo in half an hour. OK?
Sure. The gazebo.
Whatever that was.
As afternoon turned in to night...things began to change.
The music got slower...the champagne flowed... romance took center-stage.
For Arthur Jensen, anyway.
Norma, this dress really flatters you.
Oh, it's nothing.
Nothing? If this is nothing I'd like to see something.
Oh!
As for me?
Bartender!
I was on a mission.
Excuse me.
Excuse me!
Just one little hitch.
Hey, what does it take to get a drink around here?!
Hey, Kev!
Dad!
- What are you doing here? - What do you mean?
Shouldn't you be dancing, with Mom...or someone?
Can't - she's already dancin'.
Your wife's a regular ballerina out there, Jack.
Now, look at you - you're standin' around.
What's the matter - your corns acting up or somethin'? Bartender!
Let me tell ya something, Jack.
Everything costs at these things. Flowers?
You have no idea how expensive a couple of tulips are.
You know, you want the napkins folded to look like birds? That's extra.
Maybe I should quit NORCOM and get into catering!
Ah, Jack, listen. I love your lifestyle - you keep it real simple.
Plus, you have Norma.
Boy! Sometimes I wish I were in your shoes.
Providing, of course, I could keep my own salary.
But somehow, if Dad was looking for me to help...
I gotta go.
I'm afraid he was on his own.
Would you like a drink?
Please?!
Come on, Wayne. Let me have some of yours.
Get your own champagne!
I'd do it for you!
You know, I believe you would.
I could give you this bottle.
As a matter of fact, if it was up to me, I'd give it to you right now.
Bingo.
But, according to the State drinking law, you're underage. So...
If I did...I'd be committing a crime, and that would be wrong.
Great. Suddenly my brother had become Joe Friday.
Hi...
Candy!
Candy, wait up!
'Scuse me.
And, I was in the bubbly.
Hi! How about one dance with the bride?
No, I don't think that would be possible.
W- ...how-how about later, then?
No...I don't think that would be possible, either.
Smooth move, Ex-Lax.
Possibly...a mistake.
- Gimme that! - Hey!
And there it went - my last chance at romance, intrigue, adventure.
My last chance...At Linda.
And then...Just as things looked hopeless...
A miracle.
Suddenly, nothing stood between me and destiny.
There you are, handsome!
Nothing but - Mrs. Robinson's stunt-double.
Is it time for my dance yet?
Uh...
"Look of Love" - Leslie Gore/Dionne Warwick
Ooh, your arms are so strong! I bet you could pick me up like a feather!
Sure! One of those rare, hundred-and-eighty-pound feathers.
You want to try?
No! Uh...no, I better not.
Why don't you lead for awhile?
Actually, I gotta go.
Thanks for the dance, though.
Sure thing, lambchop!
And once-and-for-all, I was on my way.
Driven, unrelenting...
Determined to get that champagne, no matter what it took.
Look!
As it happened, it didn't take much.
And with that...I was on my way.
I took a moment to contemplate my good fortune, my incredible luck, the remarkable turn of events that had brought me here.
Sitting with a cold bottle of champagne - waiting.
Pouring...
Sipping...
Slurping...
Guzzling...
Chugging...
Sprawling...
Sitting there one hour later, three-sheets to the wind, drunk as a skunk.
Watching...my amazing hand.
Kevin
you know very well what you've done! How could you?
Uh-oh
Kevin?
Linda!
Kevin!
I had only one choice. Attempt to play it straight.
I brought you some champagne!
Uh, look. I didn't really feel much like champagne, anyway.
Oh. Yeah.
Right.
And I guess that's when I realized a couple of things. One...
I'd just lost out to a guy in a really bad tux.
I better be going now.
And two...For sixteen years, I'd taken standing up for granted.
Kevin? Are you gonna be alright?
Yeah. Yeah, it's...no problem.
Even in my stupor I knew what I'd done.
I'd behaved like an idiot. Betrayed my girlfriend.
I'd acted like a fool. And now...
Linda.
Yes, Kevin?
It was time to face the truth.
About myself. About my past.
Time to stand up and act like a man.
But maybe most of all...
It was time to come clean.
I...
Yes, Kevin?
- Uh... - Ahhh!
So I did.
Excuse me, huh, excuse me.
Excuse me! Uh, before you all go... I just want say a few words...
By the time I got back from the men's room, I wasn't feeling too good about anything.
About weddings, about marriage...
About human nature.
And at that moment, I couldn't help but think all the proposed romance behind a wedding...Was just a sham.
You gonna dance with me later? Hah?
For those of you who don't know me, I got married here today.
Yeah, and I paid for it! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
There it was. An empty ritual...
Dressed up in lies, and hypocracy, and greed.
Not many of you know the story behind Candy and me.
I'm not gonna tell it now...I just...wouldn't want anyone to leave here today...
Not knowing how I feel about her.
I feel, uh...very lucky, today.
I don't know what you guys are gonna remember about this wedding today, uh...
So I'm gonna ask you to remember one thing...that you to know... how...happy,
and lucky, uh, fortunate...
I feel, that I get to say that Candy...is my wife.
We did things kinda the old-fashioned way - oh, for 1972 anyway.
I'm glad we waited.
Honey?
It was a testament to romance at its finest and most pure.
It was a declaration of virtue.
Simple, and gracious, and real. And after a day of infidelities...
Some proposed and planned...
Some more subtle...I felt for the first time... That someone believed in something a little different.
In love.
In commitment.
Alright!
You ready?
Arthur.
Yeah.
In each other.
If you don't get your arm of my wife...
I'm gonna break it off.
Jack, what...?
Come on. Let's dance.
Jack!
"Fly Me To The Moon" - Frank Sinatra
I guess you could say that weddings mean a lot of things to a lot of people.
We might cry at the romance unfulfilled in our own lives.
And shrink at the unseen compromises our lives have held for us.
But weddings also bring out hope. And promise.
And possibility.
After all, as we choose our partners...
Some of us make our choices for life.
And some of us dance with just one of many.
And sometimes - for the lucky ones - we remember why we picked who we did.
And after years of fighting over burnt toast...And bounced checks...
we might, for a brief moment...look at each other as we once did - before kids, and mortgages...and routine conspired against us.
And others are content to postpone their choices...
Knowing somehow, that the future, like that Saturday afternoon, will tempt us with dances - both slow, and fast.
That was a really nice speech, huh?
You know, that stuff about...love... And that whole part about waiting...
Maybe he waited...But...She didn't.
You?
Where?
At a wedding...
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