The power structure has been too long a white middle-aged male, middle-class power structure.
There are now large numbers of women who want to change their lot of life,
and who are looking for concrete ways in which to do it.
By the spring of nineteen-seventy-three, the women's liberation movement was in full force.
Across America, a revolution was in progress, shedding old stereotypes...
Building new roles.
It was a time of raised-consciousness and high expectations...
A fight for equality and freedom.
Women everywhere were facing difficult and complex choices.
Plain toast or cinnamon-raisin?
Take my mother for example.
- Cinnamon-raisin. - Um-hummm...
Here we are.
- Thanks. - Thanks.
She was a woman of her time. A woman of accomplishments.
- Mom, we got anymore juice? - Oh, of course, honey.
There ya go.
And don't eat too fast.
A woman who was appreciated.
- Good eggs, Norma. - Mmmm, Good eggs, Mom.
Good eggs.
Nobody makes eggs like your mother.
Uh-uh.
- Any more coffee? - Oh, sure, honey.
Yep, you might say in everything she did, Mom commanded our utmost respect.
Oh, let me help you with that, Norma.
And whether it was pouring our coffee, buttering our toast, or simply washing our socks...
We Arnold men supported her, encouraged her...
Right up until that day, when...
I've decided to get a job.
A job, Norma?
I think it's time.
It is?
Course the way we saw it, Mom already had a job.
Not that any of us was crass enough to say it.
You already have a job. Taking care of us!
Shut up, butthead.
Well, I know. But there's not...too much to take care of around here anymore.
Karen's gone, you guys are at the office all day...
And Kevin's practically in college.
Besides, now that I have my degree, I just thought...maybe I should do something more...fulfilling.
Than taking care of us.
Well...if you really feel that way...
maybe I could find something for ya down at the factory one or two days a week.
Which sounded reasonable enough.
Well, actually, Jack, I was thinking of something a little more...fulltime.
Like what, Mom?
I don't know yet.
Just...something that I could really...sink my teeth into.
Um, trust me, Norma.
Working's a lot different than going to college.
A job's a lot of... aggravation and hard work.
- Uh-hmmm. - Absolutely.
I know that, Jack. But I've decided ...to get a job.
To which - given the options - there was really only one response.
On the other hand, maybe I can put in a call to Stan Woods. I hear he's expanding.
Thank you, Jack. I appreciate that.
Hmmm.
Five-forty verbal and five-eighty math. Read it and weep.
And speaking of numbers...
- Oh, they came? - Yeah!
The SAT scores. For six weeks...
We had been waiting for the two numbers which would determine the next four years of our lives.
Didn't you check your mailbox?
No.
I did.
Yeah, what did you get?
Seven-thirty.
Verbal or math?
Combined.
Yeah, well, I wouldn't worry about it. You can always come work for me.
Yeah, very funny.
It was social Darwinism at its cruelest.
So, you get yours?
I don't think it's such a good idea to talk about them like this. They're kind of private.
Oh. Well...
Sure - I understand.
"I don't want to talk about it".
It was practically code...
For Ed's Junior College and Autobody Repair.
I mean, besides, it is no big deal.
I mean, after all, they're only numbers, right?
Sure, easy for you to say - you haven't got yours yet.
So what?
When they come, they come.
After all, I wasn't worried.
Look at these scores! I'm gonna kill myself!
Not much anyway.
Hope and despair...in modern literature.
I mean..."worried? - not me!"
Just...slightly...
Curious.
Heck - if they came, they came. And if they didn't...
They did!
Oh please, oh please, oh please, oh please...
It was a private matter.
Very private.
As I stepped into that closet, I kept telling myself it meant nothing. Absolutely nothing at all.
Nothing but a few lousy numbers in a crummy envelope.
Ya-hoooo!!!
I can't get over it. Six-fifty. And what was it? A five-eighty?
It was a night filled with eggrolls and triumph.
Well, actually it was a five-ninety.
But, ya know, it's no big deal. It's just numbers. It's a...twelve-forty combined.
I'm proud of you, son.
Yeah, who would have thought our little butthead would turn out to be an egghead?
Thanks.
I think.
But the truth was...
I had earned the respect of the Arnold men.
I think it's wonderful, honey!
And the woman who loved them.
And your check, sir.
I'll, uh, take that.
Just send it right over here.
Norma, what are you doing?
Paying the check.
I have a little good news of my own. I got a job today.
A job?
What kinda job?
I didn't know you talked with Stan.
Well, actually I didn't. I just answered an ad in the paper for a job at Micro-Electronics.
Needless to say, this was wonderful news.
Never heard of 'em.
Well, it's a new business, Jack - "computer software".
I met with the two partners. They're in their twenties - barely Karen's age.
And they hired me on the spot.
Well, that's great, Mom. I'm really proud of you.
Thanks.
And I was. Kinda.
I mean, give credit where credit was due.
After all, intelligence, talent and brilliance just seemed to run in our family.
Hey, Kevin!
Not that I was gonna brag about it or anything.
Twelve-forty.
Already? I thought it was just eleven-thirty.
No, I didn't mean that.
What did you mean?
Nothing.
O- kay...
Well, since she asked...
Just, uh...my...SAT scores.
You mean you got them?
Six-fifty verbal, five-ninety math.
Kevin, that's terrific!
Well, you know, they're just numbers. Six-fifty...five-ninety...
They're wonderful.
They're OK.
Well, I'm really proud of you, Kevin.
Thanks.
And why not? After all, she was my girl.
And I knew she understood that in some small way, my achievements were her achievements.
Here we are, Miss Cooper. Yale...
Princeton...
And Harvard.
I'll have to look for Dartmouth.
OK.
What are those?
Just some...college catalogues.
Funny. I never realized Ed's Junior College had made it into the Ivy League.
Winnie?
What exactly did you get on your SAT's?
I don't really want to talk about it.
Winnie, come on.
I mean you obviously did pretty well... so why don't you just tell me?
Seven-twenty-five verbal... seven-fifty-seven math.
Somehow I skipped "That's wonderful"...
And "I'm so proud of you", and cut right to the bottom line.
That's a fourteen-eighty-one.
Well, it's just a number...
Besides...it is a fourteen-eighty-two.
I don't believe it.
Well, aren't you happy for me?
Are you kidding?
OK, maybe that was dumb.
But it didn't take a genius to figure out that instead of standing by her man...
See you in class.
My innocent unassuming sweetheart...
My cute, adoring, supportive girlfriend...
Had left me in the dust.
And the technology these people work with is absolutely fascinating.
Did I tell you that we're introducing a whole new product line?
It wasn't long before my mother began basking in the excitement...
Of her new-found career.
And guess what?
I discovered today that I can amortize the cost of development over our entire fiscal year.
And as she shared the joys of her new challenge, we reacted like men everywhere.
That way, we'll be able to expand our base...
We began to feel...shortchanged.
That's great - now what are the chances that we get some -
Bread?
Bread...
There you are.
Of course, we're still trying to keep the prices down - but, over all...
And the more we began to feel shortchanged, the more we became...suspicious!
- So, where the heck is the - - Anyone need butter?
Butter?
Did I tell you I'm working with Pat Banks on this? She's the vice-president.
Can you imagine that?
- Here are the beans. - Beans!
- And the -Potatoes - Potatoes.
Let's see. Um...guess we're all set!
But no matter how Mom tried to ply us with butter and beans...
We weren't fooled.
Not us.
Wait a minute!
Look!
I got a hole...in my sock!
Yep - no question about it.
The place was going to pot.
What's wrong?
Nothing.
And speaking of going to pot...
Are you just not in the mood?
Of course I'm in the mood. I'm always...in the mood.
I'm just not a piece of meat, that's all!
What are you talking about?
Nothing!
There was no way that I was giving her the satisfaction of telling her.
You're upset about my SAT scores, aren't you?
What?
Don't be ridiculous!
- I don't know why you should be. - Yeah, well, I'm not.
I mean, how long have I known you?
Almost all my life.
Right.
And in all that time...
You never felt like telling me you were smart?
Good thing this wasn't bothering me.
Kevin, you knew I was smart!
In the fourth grade I knew that you were good at math, OK?
I didn't know that you were some kind of...Einstein or someone.
I mean, gosh, you think you know someone.
And then - bam, you find out they're hiding things from you.
I didn't hide anything.
Oh?
How come you didn't tell me about your test scores?
I don't know! I just...I just thought that...it might hurt your ego.
Ego? Hah!
That just goes to show how much you know
I don't even have an ego! Hah-hah!
Kevin, you're acting so stupid about this!
Now see, if I had an ego, a remark like that might have really, really, hurt.
Huh. So now I'm stupid.
I didn't say you are stupid. I said you're acting stupid!
Oh, but I guess if I were as smart as you...
I'd know exactly what you're talking about, right?
All in all...
You could say that I was handling this rather maturely.
I have an idea.
Let's go home.
Hmmph.
I couldn't have put it better myself.
Meanwhile, back at the castle.
Dad?
Hi.
What are you doing on the couch?
You tell me. Women! Phhh-.
Yeah, tell me about it.
Know what I mean?
Yeah.
Women.
Yeah.
Phhh...
It was one of the most in-depth conversations on the subject to date.
Sweety?
Your socks.
Good night!
It's your wife! She's wrecking the town looking for ya!
No!
Nancy, no!
Phhhh...
Still, by the next morning,
I was feeling pretty shabby about the way I'd acted.
Hey!
I realized it was time to accept these in-roads being made by women.
It was time to accept the realities of the 20th century.
It was time to act like a liberated man.
Winnie?
Oh, hi.
And crawl like a dog.
Hi. Listen, I feel really bad about what happened last night.
Me, too.
And, uh, well - I thought we can go out tonight.
So that I can kinda make it up to you.
OK. Sure!
That sounds good.
Great!
I mean, no sense letting a few numbers come between us.
Winnie!
Oh, hi, Mr. Glavin!
Congratulations on those SAT's. Uh, the whole faculty's talking.
Thanks.
You know, there's a world of opportunity for a bright young lady like you.
Yeah, I'm really excited.
I bet you are.
Uh, you will keep me posted, won't you?
I will.
Uh...hi, Mr. Glavin.
Hey!
How's it going, Kelly?
Kelly?
It was a girl's name.
So where to?
What?
Where do you want to go tonight?
How about, uh...
And that's when I heard it.
A far-off call.
A primordial cry...
It echoed across the savannahs of ancient Kenya.
It thundered in the drums of ancestral tribes...
And it said to me...
Take the broad bowling!
This was the ticket - bowling. It was almost inspired.
Isn't this great?
Yeah, I guess!
Heh-heh. More than inspired. It was genius. The bowling alley - the last bastion of maledom.
An island of stability in a changing world.
It was about manly things, like unmuffled clamor, and uncurbed fashion.
It was about sweat, and muscle, and grunting and belching.
A place that drew real men...like flies.
Dad!
Hey...
What are you doin; here?
I don't know, I...just felt like bowling.
Hmmm. It seemed Dad must have heard that same primordial scream.
Oh, hi, Mrs. Arnold!
Hi! Well, what a surprise!
So, you two wanna join us?
Sure!
Why not?
What could be better?
A night at the lanes. Guys doing guy-things.
Winnie, I love your outfit!
Thanks! Oh, I really like your hair like that.
Chicks talking chick-things.
Just the way the big guy upstairs intended it.
I heard about your SAT scores - I am really proud of you!
Wait a minute!
Thanks! Oh, and I heard about your job.
- That sounds wonderful! - Are we gonna bowl, or what?
Yeah, let's get started. Norma? You go first.
OK.
After all, there was no sense wasting time on idle chit-chat.
There was a game to be played here.
Come on, Mrs. Arnold! Knock'em all down.
I'm not really very good at this.
That's OK...!
Yeah, it was perfect.
Until...
Something happened.
Mom's ball began what was to become the longest single trek in the history of bowling.
Its momentum was relentless.
Its progress inexorable.
There was an inevitability to the fate of that roll...
That carried a message that resounded across the country.
Yes! Ahhahaahah! I don't believe it!
Good shot - you got 'em all down.
I got a strike, Jack! Did you see that?!
And something cracked.
What the hell. Let's make it the men... versus the women.
And the devil take the hindmost.
- Great idea! - Yeah...
Yeah!
The next hour saw one of the greater bowling displays of that, or any other, season.
Not by the Arnold women...
By the Arnold men!
Yes!
We had it all, Dad and I.
And we weren't afraid to use it.
For the next thirty frames, we took off the gloves.
Yeah!
We showed no mercy. We slaughtered 'em.
Yeah!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
And when it was over...
I think they were impressed.
I know we were.
Sorry, we beat you so bad.
It's OK. I had a really nice time.
That night, driving home, things seemed...right again.
I mean, you couldn't help but win.
You're just so...
Good!
See, it's all a matter of form.
You wanna put your whole body into the ball...
and let the momentum do the work - then release.
That's wonderful, honey.
I guess the natural order had been restored.
So, we could afford to be magnanimous.
By the way...congratulations on your SAT scores.
Thanks.
I mean, no sense being pigheaded.
The way I saw it - the world was big enough for all of us.
And besides, so what if women could influence government,
take over big business, alter domestic policy,
dominate education, make the world a better place.
In one important respect, we still had a lot to teach them.
Yes!
Yep, when it came to being jerks, they still had a lot to learn.
¢ÜStand By Your Man¢Ü
Uh-uh uh-uh uhhhhhhhh! (Sound of a Tarzan scream)
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